Your Friend Isn't Ignoring You. She's Doing This Instead

We used to think a real friendship meant fighting hard, making up harder, and proving your love through the drama. I was wrong. In this episode, we're getting into the messy middle of adult friendships… the ones that drain you, the ones that drift, and the ones you're scared to walk away from because you've known this person your whole life.

We talk about why some of the healthiest friendships never fight, what's actually happening when your friend goes quiet for days, and the one signal that tells you it's time to have the conversation… or time to let the friendship fade. Z

If you've ever felt guilty for pulling away, confused about why a friend's words hurt more than they should, or stuck wondering if you're the problem, this one is for you.

In this episode, you'll learn:

• Why the friends who never text back might actually love you more than you think
• The one thing every draining friendship has in common (and most people miss it)
• The difference between a friendship worth fighting for and one worth fading from

Chapters:

00:00 – Why We're Getting Into This One 00:44 – Have We Ever Had a Friendship Breakup? 02:36 – How Big Friend Groups Naturally Shrink 04:31 – The Real Reason Your Circle Gets Smaller 06:27 – What Actually Keeps a Friendship Alive 08:35 – The Truth About Bad Texters 12:46 – When a Friend Is Draining You 17:12 – Being Honest vs. Being a Therapist 19:15 – The Friend Who's Their Own Worst Enemy 23:40 – When a Friend Keeps Hurting You 27:45 – Jealousy, Intent, and Reading Energy 36:06 – The Friend You Can't Cut Off 41:48 – When Betrayal Comes From Your Person 45:37 – A Public Service Announcement

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Hi guys, welcome back to In Session with Nat and Ange. On today's episode, we wanted to talk about a juicier topic. We wanted to talk about friendship breakups. A lot of you guys' questions have been about this particular topic. And we thought it'd be fun to kind of answer those questions and just kind of go through our own questions that like we found. So I guess today we can start off by just introducing it and just asking each other like, have we ever been in toxic friendships or friendships that or a friendship breakup? Have you been in one inch?

SPEAKER_02 0:39

Okay, let's get straight to it. Let's get straight to it. Get into it. That was a great intro. Um so I think it was it's kind of like weird with this topic because I know everyone like deals with friendship breakups. And this is gonna sound so like, oh, okay, sure. But like I think we get this comment all the time actually together, like not together, but like because we're in the same friend group. Um, when people ask, like, oh, like, do you guys like not fight? Like, do you guys not like get, you know? And it's just like, no, like we don't. And like people think that's so um weird, weird and unhealthy. Like, yeah, oh, you must be fake to each other. You must be like just like not real, you know. And do you think we're fake?

SPEAKER_03 1:24

I don't like what am I supposed to say?

SPEAKER_02 1:28

Yeah, I'm just weird. No, literally not like not at all. I think you know what it is? I think growing up, you know how like you're friends with like um your parents' friends' kids? Yeah. And it's just like you grow up in that circle of like whoever you know. And then the older you get, you kind of start picking and choosing who you're closer to. I think that's kind of in a way what happened with us. And you can correct me if if I'm wrong, but this is my experience. Like when we were like what, like 10, 11, 12, like we were all in this like circle of girls. And then like we, you know, we became more and more and more. And it was all because like we would see each other around everywhere and we just like got along naturally, right? And then our group became like 20, 21, 22, 23 people at this point. Um and then naturally, I think when we got older, like because of so many different factors, we just found our little groups within the group. Yeah. That makes sense. For sure. But it's not like we ever had um we ever stopped talking to any of our girls or had any issues with them or problems or anything like that.

SPEAKER_01 2:35

I don't know. That's why we still get together like every holiday and like celebrations and stuff. It just, I don't see as many people as often, but it's like there's no beef, there's no drama. It's just more so like you grow up and you stick to like who you naturally like gravitate towards. Totally.

SPEAKER_02 2:53

Yeah, life happens too. Like, you know, like we all got to a place where we're all like busier in life now. We all have these big girl jobs, we all have other responsibilities. We're also trying to maintain like the million social things that we have going on. Like with all of that, it feels like I barely have friends in. I swear. I swear. And it's like, oh my gosh, I swear I love my friends and I miss them so much. But with what time? Like it's literally what time, bro. So hard.

SPEAKER_01 3:18

Sometimes I'm like, how do I keep up with like the amount of people in our lives? Yeah. And this is for the Arabic community. I don't know how we do it. There's so many people to keep up with. It's like now that like I'm an arus or whatever, I have like ziarat. I have to or whatever. Yeah, or whatever. Or like, yeah, you have like ziarat. I have ziarat, I have my job, I have this, I have youth group, I have like there's just so many different things. And then my family is now a ziarat. That's weird. That's so weird. Like now it's like I have to make time for my family. That's so weird. Make time for my husband and then make time for his family. Right. That's a that's a lot of people to keep up with. Yeah. And then we're we're making time for yourself too. Yeah. Yeah. Oh my god, that yeah, I haven't had a date to me in so long. Yeah. It's nice.

SPEAKER_02 4:06

But yeah, so like friendship breakups, I mean, I I I don't think I've ever experienced one. I've definitely experienced like having phases in life where I was closer to certain people than other people, and then, you know, vice versa. And I I think again, it's just a whole it's just the the nature of growing up and growing older. You know, when they say like the older you get, the less friends you have, and your circle gets smaller and smaller. And I think at first I wouldn't understand that because I'm like, no, like we're 20 people, you know. But then it's like, no, if you really think about it, like again, I love, I love all of our friends to death and I consider them all like my sisters, genuinely. We've been through so much together. Um, but naturally, like, you're gonna have those like smaller, different relationships with different people and then groups within the group.

SPEAKER_01 4:53

Yeah. What do you think like kept us together for so long? And like, you know, we really don't fight. No, that's barely ever a thing. I I'll get annoyed of a lot of you. Especially on a trip. Oh my god, trip. If we're like by day three, I'm ready. Like I am going to kill you or am leaving. Punch you, like get out of my face. Yeah, I'm overwhelmed. Yeah, it's too much. Yeah. But it's it's not the worst. Well, no. It's like since Europe trip, like I don't want to kill you guys.

SPEAKER_03 5:27

Did I want to kill kids?

SPEAKER_02 5:31

Did I? I don't know. I don't remember sometimes. Yeah, it does also depend on the I mean it again, it depends on, and also we're in France. Like, yeah, like I don't have time to worry about like paying right.

unknown 5:42

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 5:44

I'm just so how about we use this episode to tell me how you really feel about our friendship?

SPEAKER_01 5:49

You actually have never pissed me off. Oh, that's really nice. Yeah, that's really cool. Really? Yeah. But like you've never pissed me off either, actually. What would you say like doesn't like keeps us together? Like keeps like the friends that we're really close to. How did we maintain a friendship over the years?

SPEAKER_02 6:08

I think effort. We still try to see each other as much as we can. We still try to, like you said, those holidays. Like we still do and like make sure we do like the Secret Santa's and the Halloween things and and um what's it called? Like we'll have like the Bridgerton nights that we had and like the Super Bowl, like um, like it just those like things, you know, that like okay, even if we can only do it once or twice or whatever times a year, like at least we're trying. Like, and it's cre with again as little time as we have these days, all of us we're all going through so much. Like in life, it's nice to know that we're still trying to like make these moments work, you know. I think that has kept us together for a long time, actually.

SPEAKER_01 6:54

I think that's a really big key point because without the effort, it's like it feels like a one-sided friendship if you're constantly trying to reach out to somebody. And I feel like people will pick up and like nobody wants to feel unwanted or unthought of. Yeah. And so, like, when that does happen, I think that's what can cause a friendship breakup.

SPEAKER_02 7:14

Um Do you feel like that's ever happened like to you, where like that's either someone's like stopped trying as hard with you or that you've stopped trying as hard with them?

SPEAKER_01 7:25

Okay, well, here's the thing about my personality. I know what you're gonna say, and I'm gonna relate heavy. You get it. I do. I'm just an unresponsive person. So I just feel like I don't hate you. I don't like, yes, I think of my friends. It's just I have a mental illness that does not allow me to pick up my phone and text so much. No, I'm just kidding, guys. I take full accountability. I just like honestly, like when I have time to myself, I just want to shut off and just like go away. And if you keep coming at me with texts, I'm gonna get so overwhelmed. I just need to shut it off. Like, it's weird. It's a weird thing I have. It's not. Or maybe we're weird together.

SPEAKER_03 8:14

Because I also found it too. Um, it's so funny, actually, guys.

SPEAKER_02 8:19

Before we um filmed like like today, me and Nat were trying to find a time to um like meet to talk about like preparation and like what we're gonna discuss, and you know, and we couldn't find the time. And Nat goes, you know what, it's fine. Like we'll just like text about it. We'll figure it out through text. I was like, does she know who she is, who she's talking to? Like I said, us, the two worst texters on the entire planet, but it's okay, we made it work.

SPEAKER_03 8:50

By the way, after that message, I think I sent her one message. She sent me like friendship breakups, and that was it.

SPEAKER_00 8:58

There was no more literally, there was no texting after the friendship breakups. And then I think you responded, yeah, you didn't even send a text back. You were just like heart. And I was like, okay, because that's what we're doing today. And now we're here. Oh my God.

SPEAKER_01 9:12

But truly, I really so heavy on that. I do. It's nothing personal, you know. It isn't anything personal, but I do, I'm the type also the type of person where it's just like, I recognize that that's not gonna work in life. Yes. And the people who matter are do matter to me a lot. And like I will some way, somehow, maybe my month allows me a day, I will text you and I will hit you up. Yeah. But then there's also those people who like they just get that that's my personality and they do the effort to kind of like, you know, I get it. Like, you're just you, and I accept you for you. And that's an awesome friend. Yeah. Shout out to Kinda, bro. She's so patient with the both of us.

SPEAKER_02 9:59

No, but seriously, I have those friends too. Like, and it's it's such a blessing, but it also like makes me feel so bad because I'm like, that's not fair. Like, that's not fair to you, you know. It's not fair that like I they know it's with no ill intent. They know like I want to see them, they know, but it's just like at the same time, it really isn't fair to them because like they are the type to like text all the time and like put in effort and like, you know, so it can, I'm sure, feel for them like at some points, like, okay, this is exhausting. Like, does she not want to see me? Does she not care? You know? But again, I think our friends have known us long enough and like understand like the amount of love we have for them and they have for us that like they for the most part, they understand 100%. Like, oh, this is just this is just Ange.

SPEAKER_01 10:47

But see, that's the part that kind of like confuses me with some people, where it just like if you understand that's their type of person, that's the type of person they are, like, where was the breaking point of like, you know, probably most of the friendship was kind of kind of the same way where they're just the type of person who are unresponsive. But then like you recognize that as them. Like, where does it end up being like, okay, now I'm sick of this? Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 11:16

I don't know. That's such a good question. I don't know. I've never thought of it that way. I think maybe it depends on what they're going through too in their lives at that moment. Like, maybe like they've been feeling it a lot recently from other people. Like, and so like that was just like, you know what I mean? Like, it's not just you, like it feels like this is happening, like from all my friends, you know, like I'm trying so hard and whatever. And so I just like I'm done with all of you. Not all it sounds so dramatic, but you know what I mean? I've had enough from like this kind of like I was gonna say this kind of behavior, and then my brain went to booja.

SPEAKER_03 11:52

What is this behavior? What the hell's wrong with you? Do you know what I'm talking about? Oh my god, is that a TikTok?

SPEAKER_02 12:00

Yeah, it's this like um Okay, it's so irrelevant, but it's just where my brain went. Anyway, sorry. Yes. Um, I think like maybe they've just like they're tired of that behavior and they're just like, you know what, like like, you know, they get to a point where it's just exhausting in general. I don't know if it's like specifically you.

SPEAKER_01 12:18

Are you saying like maybe they're in the place in their life where they're seeking a little bit more connection? Maybe.

SPEAKER_03 12:24

Oh, that's a great way to put it. That's what I mean. That's exactly what I was trying to say. You said that very beautifully. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 12:30

And then the friend is kind of lacking and giving that, even though like prior they've always lacked and giving it.

SPEAKER_02 12:37

Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. Maybe. That's very interesting. Yeah, because like genuinely, what would that break like breaking point be? Um what do you think about the people that like let's say they do have a really toxic friend in their life and they're drained like emotionally, mentally. It's just they're just tired, you know, and they feel like they're putting in all this effort, and their friend is not even on their off days, even on their days where they're just like, you know, they're not hitting them up. Um and they just like they don't know at this point like what to do, and they kind of just wanna how do I now distance myself from that person? Because it's not doing me good anymore. It's draining me now.

SPEAKER_01 13:21

That one is so, so hard to answer only because I feel like I'm just the type of person where like I can't leave you when you're when you're at your lowest. Like I I need to see I need to see the the resolution. Does that make sense? Like I need to see somebody get out of like their misery, but then again, I do see the parts of like how draining that can be to a person, how like I don't need that in my life. Like I don't need that negative energy to like be kind of absorbed into me. So it's just it's hard because it it it does there's a guilt factor there where it's just like if you leave that friend, like what's gonna happen to them and like what's gonna like am I just being selfish to like get rid of that?

SPEAKER_02 14:14

Oh, so you're saying if that friend is going through something difficult in their life and that's why it's been mentally draining for you.

SPEAKER_01 14:24

Well, I feel like they are mentally drained. Okay. And they're every time you sit with them, it's just complaining, complaining, complaining. And you're kind of like listening and listening and listening, and they're just like bringing you down with them from how like maybe depressed they are about their lives. It's just, I feel like that's a hard one to navigate because for like, I don't know, it for me, like I wouldn't want to leave someone when they're down. I want I want to help them. I want to be like a social support for them. But at the same time, like it is straining for a person to sit there and like have to listen to you complain all day long. Yeah. And so, like, I don't know, I think that one's just hard to navigate. I think you need to like find the balance with yourself and like with that person. Cause what if that person was like a lifelong friend you grew up with from like childhood and now they're going through a really hard period in their life, and it's just like, well, it's not serving me anymore. Like, good luck to you in your life. Like, I don't know, that's just really hard.

SPEAKER_02 15:24

I agree. No, 100%. I don't I think that's a really complicated case because, like you said, it's like, where do you draw the line between I want to be here for you, but at the same time, this has just been exhausting for me. And I don't think it that needs to be like a what's it called, all or nothing. You know, like it doesn't, I think maybe there can be a balance with it, you know. I agree. I do believe that at the end of the day, friends are there for all moments. Like when I think of a friend, like a true good friend, yeah, you're there for all the fun. Yeah, you're there for the good times and the memories and the moments and the laughs and the whatever. But then also like it's just as, if not even more important, to be there during my darkest moments, to hold my hand during those times, to sit in the hole with me. Like that is what I need out of a friend too. Yeah. Because then what's the point? Like, you know, then that's that's just not a friend to me. So I do believe that that is important. I agree with you. Like that's something I would definitely have a hard time, like just walking away from. I think maybe finding that balance of like, okay, like making sure we're checking in on them, like time and time, like making sure we have the days where we talk about the, you know, like what they're going through, but then also like not overdo it on ourselves either. Like, not always make ourselves available because especially if they have other social supports and like other places that they can seek some support. Yeah. So it's like also just balancing it for them and for yourself, you know.

SPEAKER_01 16:47

I also think like with those types of people, I think you need to be brutally honest about like, hey, if I love you and I want to see you get out of this, I want to see you do better for yourself. Because if I'm just gonna sit here and just like take in all the complaints and just be a like a listening ear, that's great. I'm willing to, but this is how it's affecting me. And this is what I think you should do. Like, this is you need to like stop complaining and start being proactive. Do something about it. Get up, put I don't know, get dressed up. Like today, I was having I woke up so feeling so down, and then I was just like, I'm gonna get up, put a face and makeup on, get dressed, and just go out and just explore the day, make myself feel better. Okay, now you're getting you're getting through the process. But also for for this person, be be honest, like let them know how it is, and don't be afraid to like hold back because you're trying to spare their feelings. You need to help them. At the end of the day, you're their friend, you're not their therapist. Yeah, you're not their therapist, you're their friend. Like, help them get out of it, pull them out, like do something about it, but also make sure to prioritize yourself too. Like, don't constantly be like just putting off everything just to go and just be there with them. Like, have your fun, go out and do fun things. Totally. That's my new saying. Like, don't forget to have fun.

SPEAKER_02 18:21

No, actually.

SPEAKER_01 18:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 18:22

Actually, no, I love that you said that. I think that's really important. And I think a lot of people would appreciate that more than just I think it I think it's important for like the first couple times when you're really like there for your friend that you're just listening, that you're not telling them what to do, that you're not like telling them, you know, to to act this way or just like listen and be there and be that open ear for them. But then after I totally agree with you, it does get to that point of like, okay, now we can be honest with each other. And now, like exactly you've let it out, you've vented, you've expressed how you feel and what's been going on. And because I'm not your therapist in this moment, and I think maybe we can we struggle with this sometimes too, is like that line between therapist and friend. Um, because I'm not your therapist in this moment, I can tell you, do this, do that. Like, you know, like let's get let's, you know. So I do agree. And and I would appreciate the honesty. Like, if it was me going through it and I would want my friend to tell me, like, hey, like this is not okay. Like, I need you to, you know, I love that you said, like, sometimes like just pushing yourself. Um and Mel, I'm gonna keep bringing this lady up till the day I die. Mel uh Robbins' book of Let Them. She talked about before the Let Them theory how she came up with this um other um saying that she would say that she found at a very, very dark time in her life. She was super depressed. She was having the hardest time doing anything, like getting out of bed to go to work, um, showering, like just cleaning, like cooking for the kids. And then um, I don't know, I don't remember exactly like who said it in front of her or what, but she started saying to herself, okay, I'm just gonna count down. I'm just gonna count down at one, I'm gonna get up. So she'd start like five, four, three, two, one, and she'd like push herself up to do that thing. Nice to do that. Really? Yeah. She said, like, it's so simple, but it was life-changing for her. And she like, that's actually how she became like who she is. She started speaking about it on like to people and audiences, and then eventually she came up with let them. But um, she was saying how life-changing that was to just like push herself to like go, you know. And she started using it for everything.

SPEAKER_01 20:40

Like, that's kind of like the five-minute rule of like you only have to do this task for five minutes. Yeah, it doesn't require much. But then your brain tricks you into like, well, I started a task, now I want to complete it. I want to fit it. Like, I don't want an unfinished project. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So it's it's a very like, I love that. 54321, like get up. Get up.

SPEAKER_02 20:59

That's it. When it comes to one, I'm I'm getting up and that's it. Yeah. Like no excuses.

SPEAKER_01 21:04

And no, that for sure. That I feel like those relationships are just a very tricky one to navigate to, though. I also think it's so important to just tell that friend, like, dude, you're your own worst enemy. Honestly, sometimes like when people like talk about situations that like have happened, or like they did this, and I'm the victim, I'm the victim, I'm the victim. It's just like sometimes I'm like, do you ever like see how you are your like your own worst enemy in that situation? Or like you are allowing yourself to stay stuck in a situation. I agree. So sometimes I get to the point where after listening and being there and just you vent all you want. No, let me do what you're doing. Let me tell you what it is. Yeah. You're the problem, right?

SPEAKER_02 21:55

No, no, totally. Yeah. No, I agree. There's only so much that like. Okay, so so they did this to you. Okay, then they did this to you. Okay. And then what? They're gonna keep doing what they're doing to you. You are in control of the narrative at this point. Like, where where do you want to take it from here? No, I agree. What about the friends though? That like it's not about that their friend is going through a hard time. It's just they've been hurt by a friend, maybe repetitively. You know, this friend is hurting them time and time and time again. And they're just tired and they're hurt and they feel betrayed. Um and they don't know what to do. It's like, do I end this like friendship that's meant so much to me? Um, do I talk to them about what they're doing? Should they, shouldn't they just know what they're doing?

SPEAKER_01 22:48

100%. I feel like you said it. I think there should be communication. Because here's here's the thing with people sometimes. I think we something happens to us, maybe it hurts the ego a little bit. Like my ego's a little bit wounded. If I'm not expressing to you what hurt me or what you did to kind of make me feel uneasy, I'm just gonna be sitting with that that wound, right? I'm not patching it up, I'm not doing anything to heal it. So then you do it again. Now this wound's getting bigger, but the problem is I'm starting to create narratives in my head or just like trying to nitpick every single detail because that wound was already open from to begin with, or my ego was a little bit strained. So, like if I'm just sitting alone with my thoughts, dude, I have this. My thoughts can create like stories, they can create narratives and just different things. And then when you actually sit and talk to the person, it just like, oh, like you were you were just doing it from that perspective, and I was creating this evil monster in my head that was just out to get me in my life and my family. Oh my god. I don't know, but I do that sometimes. I really do just have that thought grow in my head, and I keep feeding it things to just make it bigger and bigger when it didn't need to be. Is that kind of like the friend you were talking about? Or are you talking about like a friend who just like purposefully tries to like? So that's the thing.

SPEAKER_02 24:24

I feel like I agree wholeheartedly. Like we always say you can't read we can't read minds. Like no one can read each other's mind. It's so important to have that communication. Um and but sometimes I get in my head, and I was saying this earlier, I feel like with like women, like with girl friendships, um, it's different because it's like women are just not stupid. They're just not stupid. Like men, yes, no offense. But some of you guys, yes, are stupid. Women are not stupid. So it's like when you are behaving in a certain way or doing a certain action a certain way. I want to give you the benefit of the doubt, and I want to say, like, okay, like maybe they really don't know what they're doing, and they really, really don't know that they're hurting me, and they probably couldn't. But then sometimes it's like there's no way you're not stupid. Like, you don't, there's no way you don't know what you're doing.

SPEAKER_01 25:20

Are you wait? I feel like women are more manipulative. Yes. Women are manipulative. Yes. I believe that. Yeah. Because I'm just like, you can have a sense on the type of girl that is just like you know you can feel her energy. Yep. Oh.

SPEAKER_02 25:37

Yeah. So like so it's so I don't know if it's like it's purposeful maybe for some people, for other people's, it's really like unintentional. And I think it's so hard. It really is. But I do agree with at the end of the day, I think a conversation must be had, whether it's like right away, whether it's like you need time to process and figure out what you want to say. There should be a conversation because at least even if they know what they're doing, you were able to get it off your chest. And now it's like it's not on me anymore. And if you want to continue behaving in the way that you're behaving, even after I told you how much it hurts me and how it makes me feel, now it's on you. Yeah. But before it was on me because I wasn't talking about it. Yeah. Because I wasn't telling you.

SPEAKER_01 26:18

No, that's true. And it's a very, very good saying. And I feel like you never gave them a chance to correct your never gave them a chance.

SPEAKER_02 26:26

Like you're all human. We all make it a lot of people. If they really do mean a lot to you and it hurts you that bad, then I think it's worth having that conversation. That's like true. We all could accidentally unintentionally hurt each other without knowing. Like it could be a comment, it could be like a joke that's like not funny to you, but you know, it could be any of that. And they truly would not know that they're hurting your feelings.

SPEAKER_01 26:48

Those people who like it starts with a joke, but then it continues. And then it's just like, it's not a joke to you anymore. Cause at first you laugh. Yeah. Do you know what I'm talking about? And then it's just like sometimes it's like maybe we're maybe you should give these people the benefit of the doubt because you did You didn't stop them. You didn't stop them the first time. You did. So they're gonna keep it. We're just gonna keep doing it. Yeah. But it's just like you should read my energy.

SPEAKER_03 27:18

That's what I'm saying. It's like you should just know.

SPEAKER_00 27:20

You should just know. I'm pissed off right now. Like, just stop. Like, do I have to tell you?

SPEAKER_02 27:24

Yeah. But no, serious. Yeah, yeah, I do agree. I think it's it's conversations need to be had.

SPEAKER_01 27:30

It's all about intent too. Like, oh yeah. But I don't know your intent until you kind of like show it to me.

unknown 27:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 27:37

Or I don't know. You can't really read intent. But if I give you a if I give you a correction of like this is how I want to be treated, and you purposefully don't take that or correct that behavior, then that's showing to me that you don't truly love me as a friend. You care for yourself more in personal. Your own personal game than you do me. But it's just like at least I gave you that chance to like or I at least I gave my chance that opportunity to see your true colors.

SPEAKER_02 28:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 28:14

Does that make sense?

SPEAKER_02 28:15

No, it makes a lot of sense.

SPEAKER_01 28:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 28:17

I think there's a lot of times where it's like, um it's again, it's so hard. It's so hard because it's like it depends on intent. Yes. How do you know someone's true intent? Well, I think if I have been friends with you for like my entire life, let's say I know the kind of person you are. You know what I mean? So it's like you also get to eventually you you're you can kind of scope how do I say this? Okay, like let's say I say a joke, okay? I say a joke, and um you don't take it great, right? You kind of take that one to heart, okay? Um, and then you tell me, Ange, like that really hurt my feelings when you did that. And, you know, I started like questioning blah, blah, blah, like whatever who you are and our friendship and how much it means to you. It's not just one joke, it's like a couple jokes, okay. My first thought would be like, oh, first of all, I'm so sorry. Like I had no idea that that what I said hurt your feelings. But second of all, it's also like, but you know who I am as a person, too, in a way of like, if if I am have a good heart and a pure heart, and you know that my intent would never be to be to hurt your feelings, then I wouldn't think that you would have taken that to heart as much as you did. But I think why you took it to heart is because deep down, you've had maybe multiple issues with me in the past. And now it's like these jokes are just like the cherry on top that it's like all of it is making me question who you are as a person. But if it was, you know what I mean? Like a joke could sound different coming from me versus coming from like someone else. Oh god, that's so true. You know, but it's also based on like where you're at. So would you cut that friend off? Like, have you had a conversation with that friend? Have you told this friend? Have you talked to them like and told them, like, hey, this is how I've been feeling?

SPEAKER_01 30:18

I'm all for forgiveness and grace. I really am. But like, yeah, like you said, like I have to have that conversation with you so we can kind of come to some sort of conclusion. Come to sort, yeah, come to a conclusion. And I I really want to see the effort you put in to still wanting to be my friend. I don't know, but I don't know what would what it would take to really cut off somebody. Especially in our community. Especially in our bro, I'm gonna see you tomorrow at church.

SPEAKER_03 30:45

Yeah. Were you planning on cutting me off?

unknown 30:48

No.

SPEAKER_00 30:49

Not like you. Break up with me now.

SPEAKER_03 30:52

I'm not gonna break up with you. I'm not. She sounds a little sus, guys. I don't know. Maybe in session with someone else and Ange, like whoever wants to audition.

SPEAKER_00 31:03

Why do you get to keep the podcast? Because you broke up with me. I didn't break up with you, bro. See, you're you're making conclusions up in your head.

SPEAKER_03 31:13

The narrative is spinning. I could write a whole book about this.

SPEAKER_02 31:16

Oh, um, but yeah, yeah. So I I it's cutting someone off in our community really is very, very hard. Like, you know who I would cut off the jealousy type friends.

SPEAKER_03 31:26

Oh, I thought she was about to name a name.

SPEAKER_01 31:28

I'm like, no. Please don't. No, we're not that type of podcast. No, no. We could be guys. The jealousy type of friend. Like the friend who just like they are just so even them though, I feel like I would have grace because it's like, thank you for wanting to be me.

SPEAKER_03 31:46

I just like inspire you so much.

SPEAKER_01 31:50

I'm just kidding. But I feel like those friends are like a little more dangerous because they're kind of reacting in a like a hateful. I feel like jealousy can turn into hate real quick. Yes. Yeah. So it's like if that's not caught, or if like they're not putting themselves in check, I don't know how that can like rub off and like affect me in the future. Like the hatefulness. I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 32:15

I can see that. Okay. So let's say there is a friend like that in your life and you're just like, that's something that maybe like a conversation, like you can't really have a conversation. Like, you know what I mean? It's not that you can't, but it's like, what is that gonna like if I like have a conversation with you and I feel like you're jealous of me? Like, first of all, that like sounds weird. Second of all, it's also like, okay, then what? Like you're still gonna be jealous of like this conversation isn't really gonna, you know what I mean? Yeah. I don't know if I'm making any sense here. Are you saying like there's no like what's the point of like having a conversation? Like, what would that like result in?

SPEAKER_01 32:52

That's the thing. I I wouldn't have a conversation with that person. Yeah. At all. Yeah. So it's just gonna kind of feel like, why are you doing that? Yeah. Like an icky feeling that like you can't you have a hard time sitting with, but at the same time, like, I don't necessarily think I would cut off that person unless they do something really slimy, like they're really jealous, and then they try to like do something to me to like hurt me or show off or like whatever.

SPEAKER_03 33:22

God, call 911 at this point. Like we're worried for your mind. Right, right. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 33:29

No, I know. I um like I'm gonna show it off to the case. Do you know what it is, though? Not like I think with that kind of situation, we can't, it's not realistic, unfortunately, for us to like cut them off. I mean, it is if it is for you, by all means go for it. I'm talking about myself, and I'm first of all, like just I I don't know how to how I would completely cut somebody off in our community. I just don't think it's possible for me. But I think what I end up doing, and like we've talked about this before, is like I start emotionally, subconsciously distinct dis distancing sorry, myself from that person. Like my heart and mind are just not in it anymore. And I'm just like slowly stepping away. Like, yeah, but just because fading out, fading out, because I don't see how this is gonna go anywhere else. Like I don't see how anything is gonna help at this point. And I'm just like, I'm always hurt being around you. So I'm just gonna fade it out.

SPEAKER_01 34:33

Fade it out. That's what I do.

SPEAKER_02 34:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 34:35

I know we're telling you guys have a conversation, but do I have a conversation?

SPEAKER_02 34:41

It really is dependable. Like, I think it depends. Like I would totally have a conversation if I feel like, first of all, like, first of all, if I feel like the friendship is like absolutely 100% worth it. Like that's when I would have the conversation. Like this is, let's say, like my sister. Like we have been through hell and back together.

SPEAKER_01 35:01

And you know, some things we grew up, we did had memories. We have like a whole like bag of just a time capsule to do that.

SPEAKER_02 35:10

And if I know your intentions were ill towards me, yeah, you know, it's like, okay, like I really like I think I'm like messing this up in my head. Like, let's have a conversation. Then it's totally, I will have that conversation 100%.

SPEAKER_01 35:21

And it's like, have you always had these like moments with me? Or was there like a starting point? Was there something that we didn't resolve in the moment that like you started to act different here? You know what I'm saying? Like, I feel like some relationships are like that, where it's just like everything's cool, we're like the bestest of friends, years pass and like we're we're great, but then there's like a moment or a phase in your life that just like, whoa, this is off. It feels weird.

SPEAKER_02 35:52

Yes, but I don't know if that's I hate like saying this again, but it really does depend because I think like sometimes that just happens because really life just happens, you know? Yeah. Like I don't think it's ever anything so big or dramatic or that I don't want to be like BFFs with you anymore. I think it's really just like life got extra hard because we've all we're in different places in life right now, you know? So it's just like sometimes that just happens. Sometimes maybe like we got along better when we were 16 versus now when we're 27. Like sometimes, like, and again, this whole big dramatic thing doesn't have to happen for that to happen. Like that happens too, you know. So it's just like again, like, but if it's something that like really like matters a lot to you, then I think it's worth like trying to save and trying to like keep putting effort in and trying to have that conversation. But if it's something where I feel like, you know, I don't see that like a conversation's gonna help here because if you're dull of me, what can I do about that? You know what I mean? Like, for example, yeah, yeah. Um, and if your intentions are ill, respectfully, I don't even want you in my life at that point. Like, I I don't want to be around anyone that's wishing me harm, you know, because I wouldn't I wouldn't wish harm on anybody.

SPEAKER_01 37:08

So it really depends. Intentions. I think it's just about finding who has good intentions for you and about who's not gonna betray you. Because I also think betrayal is a big thing in friendships. Hurts so bad. It yeah. A betrayal and a friendship or this.

SPEAKER_02 37:24

No, no. Spill the tea. A betrayal and a friendship, though, is okay. Well, again, I guess it depends, but it just hurts ten times more than anything else. Like more than a relationship, in my point, in a romantic relationship. What? Not not okay, I don't know. I don't know. It's different. I'm not married. I'm sure I would have a different response when I'm married. I think in general, because you expect so much from a good friend, you know what I mean? Like your expectations are like from the get-go up here. Like you expect like you have we'll always have each other's back. Like there is no, like nobody can come between you, like blah, blah, blah. Same thing I'm assuming for a marriage. Too, it's like you that would kill to feel betrayed by your partner because you have so much trust and support, like um, not support, trust um, and confidence in them.

SPEAKER_01 38:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 38:27

Um, but I think it's different when you've grown up with this person and it's just like, wow, like that was probably you're right, actually.

SPEAKER_01 38:39

I know. I think I am. No, I think it really depends. I think you are because now I'm seeing it from a perspective of like you grew up with somebody. Like that was your person throughout every phase of your life. They saw all of it. And they were a part of all of it. Everything. And then all of a sudden it's just like it's like your family betraying you. Your family betraying you. You know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like your security, your person you go to that like when you want to have fun, right? All of that. All of that feels like it's just got stripped away from you. So I can see it being even worse than a relationship. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, again, I think that was a bold statement to me. No, because it's like you can't replace that kind of person. Yeah. Because like I can't relive my life and make another friend.

SPEAKER_02 39:26

And it just like, again, it's like imagine like your sister betrayed you, your brother betrayed you, your mom. Like, it's just like, it's like you. I see some of my like best friends as literally my blood, my family. Like that is my family. So it's like, if Paralla, my sister, betrays me, and like then one of my best friends betrays me. I find I find that the same, like genuinely, because we've been through so much together. So it's just like it hurts on a different level. And it's a different kind of hurt. Like, I guess I can't really compare a partner betraying you versus a friend that's totally different. Yeah, it's different, but but you know, you're right.

SPEAKER_01 40:02

It hurts really bad. So my gosh. Yeah. Yeah. I don't I don't even know what it takes to get to that point. Like, what could interfere to have you betray someone you've known your whole life? And like what could be so I mean you don't know. Yeah, like what do you know? I feel like a lot of betrayal happens when with partners. Like when one person finds a partner. What do you mean? Like, let's say someone gets into a relationship, and let's say the jealousy thing gets played into it. Like on either end, maybe that person's partner is jealous and then tries to separate, like separate them from like their friends or whatever. I don't know. Or like maybe the other person is jealous that this person found somebody and then they start treating you in a way, but then also like they try to get the attention from the I don't know. There's so many different things that could happen with how people function. Totally.

SPEAKER_02 41:06

I don't know, totally no, like, yeah, I think that's very real, and I can see that happening a lot, you know? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 41:12

Or they try to sneak behind your back to get like your person. Oh. Or date them after you broke up with them, even though they were talking so much crap behind your back about it.

SPEAKER_02 41:23

Oh no. Oh no. I think that that's complete, like, we're done. Have a life, psychopath to the max. Like, that's insane. Psychotic. 100%. 100%. That is genuinely psychotic. You have no remorse or empathy for anyone in this situation, and you're just like doing what you want to do.

SPEAKER_01 41:45

Manipulation, like just selfishness. Yeah. Weird. Yeah. Just weird.

SPEAKER_02 41:51

I'm sure they're very gaslighty too. Oh my God. I bet. Yeah. That's see, like, again, it's just friendships have so many different layers and levels to them. And it's like, I don't know. It's always worth having a conversation. But I also like, I think follow your heart and follow your gut and what it's telling you and like listen to that. Um, and so if you feel like you need to have a conversation, then have that conversation. And if it's, I don't know, if maybe like this episode like opened up your eyes or perspective on a different way that maybe you never thought of. Um I I hope it did. Um, but like friendships can be hard. Friendship breakups hurt. Toxic friendships are very, very tough and difficult to navigate. But I promise, the older you get, like, I think naturally you find your group. You do. You naturally find your group, the people who care for you. Who care for you, the people who stick around through the good and the bad, the people that genuinely just have like pure intentions towards you and like your friendship. Like, and you start to value that even more, you know? Yeah. And it becomes a little easier, like deciphering.

SPEAKER_01 43:04

Yeah. And recognize the place you're at in your life too. And don't have the judgment of everything going on in life um affect how you feel about people too, you know? That's also a part of it. I feel like sometimes I can be in such a like a negative headspace that I think everyone is the villain. And it's just like sometimes it's like, hey, I'm just going through something. Yeah. And I need to like be at peace with myself first, then I can make a logical decision about it. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 43:36

I think that's a really good point. I think um that reminded me of when we were saying like earlier in the episode how the texting thing and how we're like like how like we're bad texters. And like when people hit us up and like, you know, like we don't respond or whatever, like it breaks my heart because it like it's seriously, because it's like it's really not that like you don't care or you don't like love, or it's just like Maybe I'm going through like something right now, or just in general, like I'm so overwhelmed that I just need that break. I just need that like to disconnect. It's a disconnect, you know? Um, so it's like, yeah, I need to figure that out and then I'll come back to you.

SPEAKER_01 44:14

You know? And I think that's just the episode is just us like letting you guys know we don't hate you.

SPEAKER_02 44:20

We don't just have some grace for also I'm very like forgetful. I'm very ADHD. So like this will happen to me too, where like I'm on my phone, I get a message, and then something else distracts me. I say this all the time. And then I have to do the other thing that distracts me, and then something else distract distracts me again to where I forget that you texted me. So now it's like five days later, and I'm like, oh my gosh, like blah, blah, blah, texted me about this thing that I never like or like all the time.

SPEAKER_01 44:43

I get anxiety about like my day, and I'm like, I just feel like if I answer you right now, then I'm not gonna know exactly what to say to you because I haven't had my day figured out. I need to figure it out first. And then they forget about you, and I'm just like, oh yeah, respond back. Yeah. There's like literally a bridal group chat right now between like me and the other brides, and like they will text about plans, and I literally like respond two days later after the plans have happened. I'm like, oh my god, I'm so sorry, but I couldn't make it anyway.

SPEAKER_03 45:12

As you saw, I wasn't there.

SPEAKER_00 45:16

Just don't respond at that point, bro.

SPEAKER_03 45:19

So I get it. If you ever feel alone, don't because I'm I'm the same if not worse.

SPEAKER_01 45:25

I'm glad you're you understand. I do. I really do. I got you. You're a great friend. You're a great friend, also. Yes. I love you. All my enemies out there, I love you. I don't like you. Enemies is crazy. There's some enemies, damn. Well, no, not enemies. Yeah, but no, I don't know. I don't think they think I'm their enemy. Oh my gosh, no. Because I just don't know how to pick up a phone and text back. No, this is a public service announcement.

SPEAKER_03 45:50

It's like the TikTok you posted.

SPEAKER_02 45:52

Listen to everyone. This is public service announcement. We don't hate anyone, we love everyone. We're just really, really, really bad texters, and we need to make an effort at doing better.

SPEAKER_01 46:04

We should we should start a thing. Like keep each other accountable. Keep each other accountable. Okay. Yeah. Because I want to be a good friend. And all you people out there who are not putting an effort into your friendships, you should. Because your friends actually do love you and they will come back. And they care about you so much. Yeah. They just want to spend time with you.

SPEAKER_02 46:22

They want to feel appreciated too. And if you like are just not having a day where you want to do any of that, just be honest with them. And I would think they'd be like understanding. Like, hey, like, I'm just like, it's not my day today. Like, I just I need to just chill and like relax my brain at home. I'm pretty sure your real good friends will understand that. Okay. We love you guys. Um, that was so much fun, and we'll see you next time on In Session with that and Ang. Bye.