Autism in Our Community: The Conversation We've Been Avoiding

There's a conversation happening in almost every Arab household right now… but most families are having it behind closed doors. Parents are scared. They have questions. And they don't know where to turn because nobody in our community is talking about it openly.

In this episode, we break down autism, what it actually is, what it looks like across the spectrum, and why the shame and stigma around it in our culture is doing more harm than the diagnosis ever could. We've both worked directly with autistic children as registered behavior technicians, and we're sharing what we've learned, what we've seen, and what we wish more parents understood.

In this episode, you'll learn:

• Why so many families feel like autism "came out of nowhere", and the real reason it seems to be increasing in our community
• The single mindset shift that changes everything for parents who just received a diagnosis, and why most are doing the opposite
• Practical tools we used every day working with autistic children that any parent can start using at home right now

Chapters:

00:00 – Why We Need to Talk About This

02:20 – Welcome and What Today's Episode Is About

04:41 – What Autism Actually Is

06:52 – How the Brain Works Differently

09:03 – What Stimming Looks Like and Why It Happens

11:25 – They Experience the World Through a Different Lens

13:43 – Obsessions, Routines, and Why They Matter

16:09 – The Book That Changed Everything

18:25 – Stop Fixing, Start Understanding

20:36 – Why Shame and Stigma Are Hurting Our Community

25:16 – The Genetic Component Nobody Talks About

31:28 – How to Help at Home: Naming Feelings and Token Systems

38:35 – Grounding Techniques and Taking Data

43:19 – The Beauty and Reward of This Journey

Transcript

SPEAKER_04 0:00

Hi guys, welcome back to In Session with Ne and Ann. Today we're gonna be talking about something that has been, you know, circulating around the Arab community. And I know a lot of people have had questions about it and they're wondering and thinking about where it may have stemmed from, but today we are going to talk about autism. I have noticed that a lot of parents have been asking, you know, similar questions. They're asking, you know, what's causing this? Or like, why is this increasing so much in our community? It seems like every other parent is is having an autistic child. And I think they're curious about, you know, what can help? Can it improve? And our goal here today is not to give you the answers because truthfully, we don't have the answers, but we can share our experiences with you because me and Angie, we both have had experience working with autistic children. We were registered behavior technicians. And with that, we really want to preface we do not in any way, shape, or form like have the authority to tell you that this is gonna work because I don't know if it will. I can just give you suggestions, but we highly recommend you talk to professionals about it.

SPEAKER_00 1:22

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 1:23

And yeah. So I guess where we can start today is kind of addressing what autism is. So I'll give you the platform image. Thanks, Matt.

SPEAKER_03 1:35

So, like Nat said, like we are in no way, shape, or form like this is not our expertise, but we both have a background in working with children that have autism. And we both actually worked at the same exact place, which was fun. Um, but yeah, so this is our area of expertise, but we did obviously like learn a lot through our experience. And with just psychology in general, um, you know, um a lot of disorders you see are the neurodivergent ones. And um, autism is one of those disorders. Um, autism is called the autism spectrum disorder, and it is what the name is. Autism is a spectrum of things. Um not things, I would say uh severity levels. Um, so you have anywhere from a very high-functioning um child or person with autism. So that means, you know, maybe you can't see it right away, you can't sense it right away because they are, you know, able to do everyday tasks. They are verbal, they, you know, don't have like big tantrums. Um, so it's a little bit harder to spot. And then you have the a little bit lower functioning um people with autism. So that usually looks like um nonverbal, um, very um intense, heightened emotions all the time, um, very unregulated when it comes to their emotions, um, sensory issues, motor issues. That's what that looks like. And um, typically with autism, it's uh a little bit easier to diagnose at around, I want to say, like three, four toddler, toddler stages. Would you agree?

SPEAKER_04 3:28

Yeah, I think it's easier to diagnose them because then it's like you're getting a grasp of their development. And a lot of it, you know, can be seen through like, oh, there's like a delay in development. There's low speech that or there's no speech going on at appropriate ages or milestones. Um, there's a harder time learning how to, you know, use your motor skills. And so a lot of what I see is these kids are kind of in in multiple therapies, not just one. Yes. Usually that the therapy for it is called ABA, which I highly recommend. Yes, applied behavioral analysis. Yeah, yes. But others do like OT therapy or speech therapy. And that can help as well. Of course, definitely.

SPEAKER_03 4:13

Because again, it it ranges and there's a variety of like um what the the person needs, you know. And with autism, it's basically a developmental issue, is what it is. Um, you are born with it, it doesn't just happen. Um, so you don't, you know, you're not born neurotypical and then one day you have autism. That's not how it works. It's not a flu. It's not a flu. Um, it's not caused by the vaccines. Um, but yeah, uh basically it is a developmental um underdevelopment mental, underdeveloped brain situation going on. Can't word my words. Um, so like your amygdala, for example, is um altered, like that is your emotions, where you process your emotions. So because that's altered, that's why you see a lot of like heightened emotions with children that have autism, and you know, they don't know how to regulate, and things feel more dramatic in their brain than it does for you and me, maybe. Um, and obviously your prefrontal cortex as well is that's responsible for decision making. So that is also altered with um people that have autism because it's underdeveloped. And then, so I'm trying to like word my words correctly, but you know, sometimes when your emotions get heightened, kids with autism will, you know, throw things or get a little bit physical, get a little bit violent. Um, I've had my fair share of experience, same. I definitely have to punch in the face.

SPEAKER_02 5:54

I got bit. You got bit. I would always get bit on like my eye by my kiddo.

SPEAKER_04 5:59

He was so I had a I had a like a it was like a shelf of toys just get thrown. Thrown at you.

SPEAKER_02 6:05

How I dodged it. It's fine.

SPEAKER_03 6:07

Okay, good, good. Thank God. But yeah, so it's like their decision making isn't like fully developed. So that's just a little yeah, background on what autism is and what it looks like.

SPEAKER_04 6:19

And some of the symptoms that like I see reoccurring and like they they have like recurring symptoms is like uh repetitive behaviors, um, a lot of stimming I see in in autistic children. Can you explain what stimming is to the viewers? How do I explain what stimming is? Like flapping of hands. Um, sometimes maybe there's like a motor like thing that happens where they're like their head just kind of like uh how do how do I word it?

SPEAKER_03 6:46

Spasms? Kind of. It's like when they're so um full of emotion and they don't know how to communicate or express what they're feeling, yeah, you know, or it's like it's kind of like a it's kind of like a coping. It is a coping. I feel like they're trying to self-regulate.

SPEAKER_04 7:03

Yes, yes. So they do certain behaviors to regulate in that sense. Um a lot of other things is social communication. And this is something I really want to preface that like I I feel like growing up, maybe autistic children might seem as like the weird kids or like this, this, and that. But like the case is that their brain just operates differently. It functions differently. And the way they the way they're they receive information is like what I like if you're telling me uh like a joke per se, I might not pick up on your social cues to register that if that was a joke or if you were being serious. Right, right. I literally had a kid one time and he was like so funny. Anyway, this he was in karate. Okay. This kid kind of did a karate move at him, not like not hitting him, but he just like ha and then the kid, he was like, he he took it as like, um, or no, I think the other kid was like, Oh, I'm going to karate chop you. Oh no. So then the other kid was like, oh no, I have to go into self-defense. He said he's gonna karate chop me, and then just like and then you know, obviously he got in trouble for that because you can't hit another kid. But then we were talking about it in session, and we were like, and I was like, What, you know, what's up? Like, what what happened? And he was just like, You can't joke with me about these things. Like, I know how my brain works. Joke, like joking or not, I I can't register that as like a joke. Right. If you you tell me like I'm gonna karate chop you, I'm karate chopping you back. And I was like, fair.

SPEAKER_02 8:50

You know what? You're right.

SPEAKER_04 8:52

Like he is, yeah. But that I just told that story just to give a sense of like, you know, they experience the world through a different lens. Yes. And I want to raise awareness and more understanding for that. I agree. So yeah, there's there's a lot of different ways to kind of see. Yeah, or also um, if you see your child like there's a lack of imaginary play, I see that as well with autistic kids, and they like to kind of play alone. Yes. Yeah. I remember in Invo we always did like something called parallel play. Yes, where we're easing them into kind of playing with other kids, but like they can just have their separate toys and sit next to each other, and that's kind of like the first step into shaping actual human interaction.

SPEAKER_03 9:40

That is so true. Yeah, that is so true. They do tend to stick to themselves, and usually the toys that they play with are like the same toys all the time. It's like they love the same things, and there is like um obsessions with things I see with a lot of kids that have autism. It's like um, whether it's like a certain character or a certain object or sound, you know, they become fixated on it. Um, because in one way, shape, or form, it like brings them some of that peace and that stability. So they like stick to it.

SPEAKER_04 10:17

Um that's why I never even processed it like that, like a sense of peace and stability. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 10:22

Like sticking to like my same thing. I don't know. I think that's my take on why. I'm not sure if it that's exactly why they they do. Um, but I know there are.

SPEAKER_04 10:32

Yeah. I had a cli I had a client when I was in ABA. He looked exactly, and I'm telling you, exactly, like the little kid in the Polar Express. And his like favorite thing I know you don't say it out loud, but I don't know what you're talking about.

SPEAKER_02 10:48

No, this is in my other practice. Oh, I thought it was the one that we had the shared sibling. Remember when you had a sibling and I had a sibling? Oh, they're so cute. I love them. He's the one that bit me. He's the one that punched me. The little one.

SPEAKER_04 11:00

No, the older one. Oh the little one used to bite me a lot. But anyways. I missed that. No, but there's this other kid that I used to work with. He looked exactly like the guy from the Polar Express, and his like favorite thing was the Polar Express or train. No way. And like he was born on Christmas, and I was like, Did you just come out of the movie? Polar Express? Crazy. That's insane. I was like, wow, that's insane. Yeah, but that was his thing. Like, I I see that with a lot of them. It's like they focus on one thing, and then that's like, I love this. I love this. It's like a cycle. Um, but yeah, there's a lot of ways to kind of distinguish.

SPEAKER_03 11:38

Oh, yeah. And then there's also um when children are toddlers, um, sometimes it's hard, I feel like, to recognize when it's autism and when it's like, you know, just developmental development. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. So like um a lot of people are saying, um, what's it called? Like researchers say, when um if you see your child like walking around on their tippy toes a lot, and if they like stay on their tippy toes, that's like one one form of like diet, you know, okay, like maybe there's something going on. Um and I think the the biggest and most important thing is the emotional regulation because kids tantrum, yes, but meltdowns with children that have autism look a lot different.

SPEAKER_04 12:32

Much different. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 12:33

So I think, and as a parent, I think you would eventually be able to be like, okay, like something's something's going on here.

SPEAKER_04 12:40

For sure. Yeah. I think another big thing, and this is something I want to preface, because I think it's very misunderstood. They have sensory needs or sensory issues going on. So a lot of times, like if they are having a meltdown, it's probably a response to like, hey, there's there's a sensory issue here. Yes. Like I know some kids where they have a sensitivity to sound. And so sometimes they'll just start like full full on tantrum and we're not understanding, but then they'll they will say like sound, sound, and then it's just or like cover their ears. Cover their ears. And it's like, you know, some people might misunderstand that as like, oh, you're just being over dramatic or this, this, and that. But like, no, like it's the actual issue that they deeply have, like that they go through, and it's very uncomfortable and it's painful. And and it's scary. It is scary.

SPEAKER_03 13:33

It's scary for a kid not knowing like how I'm feeling, why I'm feeling the way I'm feeling, and and I don't know how to express it. And I don't know how to tell my mom or dad or whoever's around to help me. Like, I don't know how to express that. Like it's very, very scary for them for sure.

SPEAKER_04 13:47

It breaks my heart. Oh my gosh. I actually so my whole thing with autism, it's it started when I was in middle school. I literally, my English teacher, she took half the school year to just teach us about autism. Really? She was my English teacher and she made us read this book. It's called The Curious Dog in the Nighttime, I believe. I don't know if you've ever read it. No. But it's a book about the like the inner thoughts of an autistic person and like what they exp how they experience life, what they're going through in life.

SPEAKER_02 14:22

That's so cool.

SPEAKER_04 14:23

I don't like that whole semester, I was like, I am so deeply like invested in this, where other people are like, why are we learning about this? Where I don't know. I was just amazed and encaptured because that book was so detailed. And and I remember feeling, I was like, man, like they really go through life like this.

SPEAKER_03 14:41

Do you remember something that like really caught your attention or caught you by surprise or stuck with you from like reading that book?

SPEAKER_04 14:46

It's just the I I think it's just the thought process of like how they maneuvered everything. It was just like, I remember they were like at a train station or something like that, and they were just having a million thoughts at at the same time. And it almost like it became overwhelming for the reader of like, wow, this is there's a lot going on here that we don't even know. But like on the outside perspective, we're not in someone's head.

SPEAKER_01 15:12

Right.

SPEAKER_04 15:12

The outside perspective, it's like, what are you doing? Right. Like, why are you acting like that? Why are you putting on this like whole like tantrum? Well, it's just like, you know, they're going through something. And I I really want to preface that like to parents out there who are who are like, you know, not understanding or not not understanding, who are probably going through the new thing of like, oh, I have an autistic child, I don't know how to deal with it. I would say stop focusing on fixing your child and start focusing on understanding your child. Because I really believe that's where growth can happen. If you want to provide the utmost care for that that child, then provide the love and understanding because that's what's gonna help you realize like, okay, wait, this is not what he needs. He doesn't need my discipline and my harsh rules. He needs this because I understand you, I understand where you're coming from. You're you're getting overwhelmed.

unknown 16:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 16:13

So you need to feel regulated. So let me regulate with you.

SPEAKER_03 16:17

That's so beautiful, Nat. I love that. Can we clip that? That was really, really good. Because I yeah, I think listen, I think it's obviously scary for parents to um get that diagnosis that their child has autism, right? Because it's new for them and it's like I I never imagine this for my life. I never imagined this for my child. Um, and I don't know how to deal with it, and I don't know what it is, and so it's scary. Um, but to piggyback off of what you were saying, it really is about supporting and not fixing, you know, and they're knowing that there is nothing to fix. Like this is just how this beautiful child was born, and there's really there's absolutely nothing wrong with them, and they just need that love and support. And I think one way parents can start is by learning about it, you know, like do your research, ask questions, ask your doctors, you know, um read about what autism is, what it looks like, you know, learn about your child's autism and what they need specifically because again, like we said, it ranges and everyone's different. Um, so definitely start by like learning about it and and accepting it, I think. That's another thing I want to say here. Again, I know it's hard and it's scary. Um and I think this can bring me into the next point I really wanted to talk about, which was, you know, like the way it's viewed in a society of what autism is. Um I I I see I I hear about a lot of parents that feel shame um or a little embarrassment or they don't want to admit it, um, which is totally like they're right completely. Um but this is why I say like there is nothing to be embarrassed about, there is nothing to be hiding from. I think it's important for other people to also know what's going on so that they can help as much as they can help, you know. So, like, for example, um, if I see a child like tantrimming and I didn't know anything about autism, not tant trimming, but like having a meltdown because they're overwhelmed and very anxious and you know, emotions are heightened. I may be like, okay, like I I don't know how to help. I don't know what this is like. I'm I may be treating this this situation as best as I think I know, but I have no idea. Like, I don't know. So it's important to I think tell and educate the people around you so that they also know how to help you best in certain situations, you know? Because it can be overwhelming for a parent. It can be and it can be very lonely too. I can only imagine that if like you're holding on to this and you're dealing with this, and yeah, sure you may have your partner, yeah, sure you may have the siblings, but it's still, I'm sure, very, very a lonely feeling. And so, one, you're not alone. Two, you didn't do anything wrong and there is nothing wrong with your child. It is absolutely normal, and they are perfect and pure and beautiful and just everything. And three, there are so many tools and resources out there to help you and help your child. Um, ABA therapy, we, you know, obviously we we talked about it earlier. Like Nat said, OT, you know, if you know, the motor skills are are also underdeveloped, you know, then you have your speech therapy if um their language isn't where it needs to be at their age. Like there is a lot of.

SPEAKER_04 20:09

Something else I would I would love to suggest, and like again, every case is different, but like I would really recommend to get genetic testing done because I really do feel like there are certain connections between the gut and the brain health. And like maybe genetic testing can help you figure out kind of what's going on internally as well and not just externally. So, like with ABA, you know, it's gonna help a lot with um like daily functioning. Daily functioning, it's gonna help with that, and it's gonna help like teaching things outwardly, but you also should look twofold. You should look outwardly and work to manage situations, but also look internally and see like, okay, well, what can I, you know, manage here to help assist in brain functioning and brain health? Because if essentially it's an an underdeveloped brain that we want to learn how to how how to work and manage with it. Yeah, that's a really, really good point. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 21:12

I don't and I don't think anyone ever talks I don't think anyone ever talks about that part. Like I hear all the time about ABA and OT and and PT and all of that, but genetic testing and like really like looking at like the the connection between your brain and your gut. Like I never thought of it that way.

SPEAKER_04 21:30

And obviously, like we don't know all the research, but like research does come out, and I would love to have like a series where we like kind of provide more research and evidence that comes out as we go because there are so many different things, and I have a theory. Obviously, okay, let me just preface to Arabs because they don't know anything about this topic. They're like, I think they are all asking, where did this come from? What is happening? Why is it increasing in our community? We Never had this before. Okay, I I hear you and I understand. I definitely like I I'm concerned too. Not concerned, but like I'm like wondering why my cells yeah, I'm curious. But like maybe sometimes like we weren't diagnosing the same way we're diagnosing now, so it's just like it's becoming more outward, it's becoming more apparent. But then the other part is also we it's a spectrum, everyone is different. There is a genetic component, and that's the one thing I've seen consistent each and every single time. Every client that comes in and does like an intake form, if they have autism, like nine times out of ten, someone in the family has autism as well. Right. So there is a genetic component, it's it's in us. So that's why I say have genetic testing done, because in that way you can see like, is it environment triggering the genetic I have internally? Is it just like my genetics caught are are this? Like there's so many different ways to think about it and go about it. And like what what is maybe true for one person might not be true for the other autistic person? Like it I don't know. But I think it's worth exploring because we get more research out of that and we get to find different ways. I think the one thing that I've been seeing that's helping some people, again, some people because it might not help other is Leucovorin. I just wanted to pick your brain and see if you've heard of it. No, what is that? Leucovorin? Yeah, it's like a it's like a drug. I think it's pretty new. Okay. Correct me if I'm wrong. But it's helping helping autistic children get to development faster. So like when some autistic kids will take Leucovorin, they'll be able to speak like they start to speak at a faster rate. Like instead of you know, the prolonged delay, it helps increase that. And I was like reading up about it, and apparently it has something to do with like folate. Now I'm gonna look it up because I don't want to give uh information false information.

SPEAKER_03 24:17

That's so interesting. I've literally never heard of that. Yeah. Um so I have so many questions.

SPEAKER_04 24:22

Like, I'm so some research have said that like they've discovered that some autistic children have something called folate receptor autoantibodies, which may interfere with folate transport to the brain. So what happens is leucovorin is a folinic acid, and it's been showing like promising results of like being able to help in that delivering of the folate. Um that's so interesting.

SPEAKER_03 24:51

The folate to the brain. Is this just a like a clinical study or is it out on the market now?

SPEAKER_04 24:56

Leucovorin. The drug, yeah. Oh no, it's out in the market. And what? Yeah, that's so I've never heard of it. But again, I don't think it's gonna work for everyone. Because I think, again, it's it's a genetic thing.

SPEAKER_03 25:08

Everyone's different. And it probably depends on how like where on the spectrum you're at. Yeah, you know what I mean, and how severe the symptoms are.

SPEAKER_04 25:18

For sure. Yeah, so I think it's it's different amongst all people in person. For sure. But yeah, considering like the with why I say that and why I mention that is because I think the Arab population is so undereducated on this type of thing because it's so like uh would you say it's stigmatized? Yeah, for sure. Yeah, like it's so stigmatized, or it just like it feels very foreign to them.

SPEAKER_03 25:46

Yeah, and it's it's it feels very foreign, which is so valid, and it's stigmatized because um they see not and not just audibs. I think a lot of people actually see um autism as like it all looks like this. Like if you're socially awkward, if you're if you have some routines in your life that you can't let go of, if you're obsessed with a couple things and automatically you have autism. And it's like, ugh, that's a stereotype. Like there's so many different versions to it. And what I love, have you ever watched Love on the Spectrum? No, but I want to love that show. I love that show. Um, but it's such a beautiful representation of how capable and able um people with autism are. And this show can show the different kinds of autism. Like I just love it because for the most part, they're all pretty high functioning, you know. They all have high functioning autism, but they're also their personalities are so different and their strengths are so different and their weaknesses are so different, you know. So it's it's such a beautiful way to like show the um different versions of what autism can look like and what it can look like with um what's the word? Like um awareness, paid attention to it. Um, and like parents like taking the time to like making sure they're getting the right help and like for their kids and making sure they're they're on it. Um, because it really like again, it doesn't go away. It's not like autism is something that can go away, but like there are things you can do to help. To help to help develop, to help, you know, teach your child how to like do day-to-day tasks, you know. Yeah. Um, because sometimes like those things are are not taught with again that's true. Kids have autism. And so, like, okay, you're you're learning at you know, 15 how to like brush your teeth and how to, you know, so things like that. But yeah, I just love that show so much. I'm so upset about that show. I'm definitely gonna give it a walk. It's such a feel-good show, and they're just like beautiful, amazing, amazing, amazing.

SPEAKER_04 27:59

Yeah, that light that they give to the population. I think I think it's something we really do need in our community as well, is to like not have it be such a thing as like, oh, like what is this, or like, oh, this, this, and that, more so like, hey, this is a population that exists and that's requiring a bit of our attention right now. And, you know, we need to learn how to all work and manage what what is what is being presented and not give them the side eye or the you are, you know, like ostracizing them or not treating them as equal human beings because I think that's absolutely disgusting. And whoever agrees like if that is actually happening, get me out of this community. I'm not kidding. Oh no, I'm not saying it's actually happening. I'm just saying, like, you know how Arabs think sometimes. It's like you're different, I don't want to be around you. Right. Or like when they think like some things are so foreign, I think they just like feel like, oh, like I'm uncomfortable with this feeling. And it's just like I want to help people realize that you can sit in the uncomfort, you can be uncomfortable, but you can also learn how to be a civil and respectful human being and help another person as well. Um, but a lot of this, I know we we're running out of time, but I do want to preface, I want to give like some kind of helpful tip or tool of like for for parents who are going through it and like what they can, you know, utilize or manage or or do in the home that can help with, let's say, like tantrums or or regulating behavior or something like that. And I know we've both experienced this in our own practice. So, what would you say is something that you have experienced with, you know, your time working with autistic children?

SPEAKER_03 30:01

Um, so one thing I've heard a lot, and I don't know if I've said it on this podcast before, when we were talking about the when we did the episode for parents and like um their kids and parenting. Um, but I hear a lot um therapists and you know, BCBAs saying, um, all feelings are welcome, all behaviors are not. Um, and I love that that saying. And I think that is something that I've seen a lot when I worked with kids that have autism, is that we were there to sit with them in their feelings. We were there to name their feelings. So, like I remember we would say, like, let's say we obviously see why they're upset. Let's say, you know, playtime was over, or and they they have a task they have to do and they don't want to do it. And there is crying, there's kicking, there's screaming, whatever the tantrum is. And then we would sit there and we would name that emotion that they're feeling. So we'd say, I see that you're very upset that we can't continue playtime right now. Um, so that for one helps them put a name to what they're feeling. So if they are verbal, they can use it for for, you know, next time they're feeling that same emotion. Um but we cannot continue playtime. And this is what we can do instead, you know, and giving them that option, giving them that, that, that next thing, you know. Um also very they're very big on like reward, reward systems.

SPEAKER_04 31:40

We rewards, con not consequences. We never use consequences, but it was it was very much like rewards and like removal of an item. What was that called?

SPEAKER_03 31:53

Um there was a positive and negative reinforcement. Positive, yes, positive and negative reinforcement, but the reward system had a name to it. A token system, token system, token economy, token, no, no, token system. Yeah, token soken system. Yeah, we'd use a token system. So, like we'd let's say we're teaching a skill, a certain skill, and you know, they really want for the reward playtime. So if you get five stars, then guess what? We go do playtime for 20 minutes, we come back, we repeat. So then when they have that tantrum after playtime, it's like, okay, buddy, I know that you're feeling really upset right now. You seem very frustrated, and I hear you, I see you. Um, but if we want to do playtime, we're gonna have to get through these stickers. You're gonna have to get, you know, so it's just like still not ignoring what they're doing, not ignoring how they're feeling, being there for them, but not backing down on what's required. Yeah, you know.

SPEAKER_04 32:53

And I think a lot of that, like why we name feelings, because I think it helps it helps a person regulate when they feel understood. It helps them feel like seen, feel heard and like acknowledged, but also like we have a task to get done and we need to get that done. Yes, yeah, yeah. And what would you say? Also, I like going off of like the token systems. I I always loved how they like the a BCVAs used to create their token boards according to the interests of the client. Yeah. It almost is like they're connecting their interests to this thing that they have to do, but it's just like they're including it in. Like they're they're giving them that, I don't know, like uh here, focus your attention on this. Right. Joint not joint attention, but they're focusing their attention on the things that they love, but using it as a way to, you know, do the tasks. Yes, get the work done.

SPEAKER_03 33:43

Exactly. And what I loved about this is another thing for for you parents out there. Um, if you do take your child to places that, you know, offer ABA therapy, one thing that is amazing and and will help more than anything is the BCBAs there. So those are the behavior B C C BAs. Behavior Oh, board certified behavior analysis. There you go. That's what it is. Anyway, um, they will meet with you and have like parent meetings to, you know, kind of like, hey, this is what needs to be done in the house. This is what you can do to help us. So you're not in it alone. You have the BCBAs there working with you, telling you what needs to change in the house, you know, giving you some tips and tools and techniques, you know, um how to reinforce positive uh behaviors and how to not give in to the negative ones.

SPEAKER_04 34:41

Also, how to regulate emotions. And I think that's a big thing. Like from my experience, I remember two specific clients, they would have huge outbursts. I think we used to have the same one. She was the cutest little girl.

unknown 34:56

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_04 34:56

I know, you know it. You remember her with her like little hair and a little hair. She's so cute. But, anyways, she would have meltdowns when too much noise starts to happen. Yeah. And she would just lose it. She would start screaming and crying. And I remember they taught me like how to regulate her. And a lot of it is like, you know, first of all, you you cannot regulate a child by screaming at them. That's one thing. You cannot do that because you need to regulate yourself first so you can regulate the child. Like we kind of said before, like, I need to put my mask on first to be able to put the mask on my child. So, what I would do is they would tell me, hold her hands, tell her, all right, calm body, calm hands, hold her hands, and then have her count one through ten and count with her. So we would count one through ten, and then we would count back. And it's just like we just use different grounding techniques. Like everybody would be different. Yeah. Another client I had was like, you know, I would literally like have to, he was a bigger kid and he was like pretty aggressive.

SPEAKER_03 36:01

So I would- The one that was obsessed with the swing that he would just like go on the swing, because I think we had the same one. No.

SPEAKER_04 36:07

This is in my other practice.

SPEAKER_03 36:08

Oh, okay. Sorry.

SPEAKER_04 36:09

I keep thinking, yeah. But no, he would like um, he was the one who did the whole bookshelf thing, fall down. But, anyways, not my trauma. We're not talking about my trauma. We're just talking about the um what we used to do to regulate him. We'd sit him down in a chair and we'd have him put his feet together. And again, I'd hold his hand. I I loved to hold their hands for some reason because I just felt like I could transfer my calmness to their that has no clinical evidence behind it, but I just felt like it always calmed someone when you can when you hold their hand.

SPEAKER_03 36:46

I think no, I think that there is some sort of like magic behind that. Like genuinely. Maybe there is.

SPEAKER_04 36:53

That's just what I used to do to all these kids.

SPEAKER_03 36:55

Sure. And they model what you present too. That I believe that. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 36:59

But I would sit, I would hold their hands, and again, we'd count to 10, and then we take three deep breaths, and then we'd count back to 10. So that's a technique whoever is struggling right now can try to just help them regulate at first. But then the other thing I would say is take data. It's called ABC data collection. You are recording the instances of a tantrum, and like this is what happened right before on this day. This is what this is how I reacted to the situation, and this is what the child reacted back. That data will show you a lot because it'll show you the function, the what was it, the function of behavior? The pattern. The pattern of the behavior. The pattern of behavior.

SPEAKER_03 37:43

Yeah. Right?

SPEAKER_04 37:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 37:44

The pattern of the behavior.

SPEAKER_04 37:46

Like where function? No. That doesn't make any sense. The cause of behavior. The cause. There. Yeah. The cause of behavior. Oh, okay. Yeah. So remember there were like four, four things, like of where the child might be stemming from, like, coming from. Like it's either their um, oh my gosh, I'm losing my memory. Like sometimes it's like they want a certain thing, or like they're yeah, they want to have an item, they want a reward. Sometimes it's like a sensory need. Something gotten taken away from something gotten taken away. Sometimes it's a sensory need. Yeah. It's like we have to recognize where this is coming from in order for us to provide the the measures that are needed to help the situation.

SPEAKER_03 38:32

And so that we're not reinforcing the wrong behaviors. For sure. Because I think that easily can happen as well if we don't know um where the like why the behavior is happening or like what the what the the antecedent, what the cause is before to to be ordered to stop it. So if we if we don't know, we're also we could be accidentally reinforcing it and have no idea. Yeah. So but that's a really good point. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 38:58

But yeah, I would just say you know, take the needs to take the time to research you know, the different options to help your kid. I I do feel like there's lots of benefits, and I've seen children literally like do so much better in a span of like three months. Yeah. Also, it takes time. It takes time. I cannot, no, it doesn't happen overnight. No, there's no cure that just is is presented.

SPEAKER_03 39:33

It takes time. And one thing I also really learned about um working with kids that have autism, um it's a obviously it's not linear linear. So you're gonna have your your times where it's like, oh, this like this negative behavior is decreasing. This is great, this is great. And then another behavior pops up, and then another behavior pops up. And so it it's it's a lifelong thing, you know? And I think I'm not saying ABA is lifelong, but autism is. And so being patient is very, very, very important here. And um like Nat said, ABA has been so beneficial to so many people, and it's worked for a lot. It might not work for everyone, but I still would say it's better than nothing, you know? And I agree, you know, might as well try it and ask the questions. Like it's okay. Ask the questions, get the information, learn about it. I really do believe the more you learn about something, the less you fear it. Oh, I love that. Yeah, I've heard that once before, and that like always stuck with me.

SPEAKER_04 40:39

Yeah, yeah. And don't be ashamed of it. The having an autistic child is nothing to be ashamed about. Being autistic is nothing to be ashamed about. Not at all. You are a human soul created in the image and likeness of God. And like I know some of y'all aren't believers, but I am, and the way I see it is like everyone is made in his image. Yeah, and you're beautiful and you're perfect, exactly the way you are. And I just I love them. I love them. I really do. Some of my greatest memories working with autistic children. I swear.

SPEAKER_03 41:16

I I really have. My entire like life, I knew I wanted to be a therapist, right? Like literally my entire life. I'm like, since I was 15, I was like, I'm gonna be a therapist. I don't know. That's the one thing in my life that I've always been sure of that. When I got my internship at the center that we worked at with kids that have autism, I swear, you guys, for like, I think I was there for like a year or something, I was like, should I switch? Like I really was considering switching careers to becoming a BCBA because of how much I loved them. So bad. And how rewarding the job was and how beautiful they were. Like they just like they were my joy going into work, you know. It's like obviously you have days where it was the biting is not fun. When I was getting, I had a child just like scream in my face for five minutes and I had to just like sit there and not give a reaction. Like, of course, there are days that are not fun, but they're just the most beautiful, precious people on the planet, and they deserve all the love and protection, and um, they deserve to be understood and people to be patient with them. Or they're humans at the end of the day.

SPEAKER_04 42:20

We all are. Working with it was honestly the biggest privilege of my life because it was so rewarding to see someone grow. That is the reward. And if you're a parent struggling out there, feeling like, did I do something wrong, or like, why did I is this a punishment? That it's not a punishment because there is so much reward in in in in that place of you're able to recognize that I am someone who can help someone who who's a little underprivileged than I am, and I am someone who can provide that for you, and there's reward in me seeing your growth as a human being. And I I just I love that it was it's till this day the most rewarding thing I've ever done. And it taught me so much about me and my ability to endure and be patient, and that is so those are such good skills that come out from being around that population, and it's just there's so much beauty in it. And so much beauty, yeah. I agree. We just wanted to raise that awareness. And if you guys have any questions about it, we'd be happy to answer it. Again, we are not like experts by any means, but we've had experiences and clinical practice in some sense of working with this population. It's a joy, and I enjoy it a lot, and I hope that one day it's good.

SPEAKER_01 43:53

We hope you guys enjoyed and you got something that I've got any or you know, crypto or whatever you like.

SPEAKER_00 44:04

Thank you for watching.