The Real Reason You're Stuck in a Situationship (It's Not Him)

You like him. He seems like he likes you. But nothing's moving forward and you have no idea where you stand.

Sound familiar?

We're breaking down situationships today… why they happen, why we stay in them way too long, and why the answer to your confusion is usually already sitting right in front of you.

We're also getting into the talking stage, the dating stage, exclusivity, and why there are way too many labels for something that should be simple. This one got heated.

We have strong opinions. And we brought receipts.

In this episode, you'll learn:

• The one question most women are afraid to ask — and why his reaction to it tells you everything you need to know
• Why "I still picked you" is the most dangerous line a man can use — and what he's really saying when he says it
• The self-check you need to do before entering any relationship — because the real problem might not be him at all

Chapters:

02:15 – What a Situationship Actually Is

04:36 – Why Won't He Just Commit?

07:00 – Age, Intentions, and When It Gets Serious

09:25 – Why Women Don't Say What They're Feeling

11:46 – The Fear of Losing the Potential

14:09 – When Words Sound Right But Mean Nothing

16:33 – Why Women Want to Be Picked So Badly

19:02 – What to Do If You're in a Situationship Right Now

21:15 – Talking vs. Dating vs. Exclusive — What's the Difference?

26:01 – How Long Is Too Long to Figure It Out?

30:39 – The Self-Work You Need to Do First

33:01 – Listen to What He Says — It's More Telling Than You Think

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hey guys, welcome back to In Session with Nat and Ann. On today's episode of In Session, we are gonna talk about all things regarding drum roll, please. Situationships.

SPEAKER_02 0:15

Ooh. And tell us what situationships are. Because I have some thoughts. Oh, okay. I'm ready to hear those thoughts. I'm not gonna be nice. Oh, don't be.

SPEAKER_00 0:26

I don't think any does anyone want not to be nice? Please. Show of hands. I don't think they're expecting it. Um, so situationships. The reason we decided to do an episode on this is because we feel like it's something that's really not talked about enough, right? And especially in like the younger generation, um, where I'm sure they're experiencing it. I'm sure they're going through it. Maybe they don't know that it's called a situationship or like what you do about it. Um, it's a state of confusion. It's, I don't know if you've ever been in a situationship with a friend or like a romantic partner, um, but it's so confusing. And like you just don't know what's going on. You don't have answers, nothing of the sort. So you're just kind of a state of limbo the whole time.

SPEAKER_02 1:17

State of confusion.

SPEAKER_00 1:18

It is a state of confusion. Um, the actual definition, I want to read you guys the actual definition of what situationship is. So a situationship is a romantic or sexual connection that lacks formal labels, commitment, or long-term direction. It falls in the gray area of modern dating. It's more intimate than friends with benefits or just friends, but lacking the mutual clarity, exclusivity, and future planning of a traditional relationship. So, I mean, basically what we were just saying is a state of confusion. You know, it's a point where you're like, okay, I know there's something more there than just like friends, because like we're flirting or like we've been talking. That's another thing we need to get into talking versus dating versus we had a whole talk about this.

SPEAKER_02 2:04

We had a whole debate about it. I could get bamboozled with not bamboozled, like egged for my thoughts on this. That's fine. Hold your eggs, guys.

SPEAKER_01 2:14

Hold your eggs. If you go home after this episode drops to a bunch of eggs all over your house, we're just gonna have some questions.

SPEAKER_02 2:26

I hope he agrees with me, but yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:28

Yeah. Well, you it sounds like you have many opinions and thoughts. So, like, tell us what's going on. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 2:34

Well, let's start with the elephant in the room. A situationship is something that, you know, there's a connection without a title, right? But also it's a state of confusion. I just feel like you should not be confused about a person you want to commit to. Wait, how did that didn't come out right? You should you should not be confused if you want to be with somebody. Does that make sense?

SPEAKER_00 3:00

I hear you. Okay, but okay, what if it's like I'm talking to a guy and I'm not confused. I know what I want out of, like, I know I can see like a future there. I know he's confused. But he's not giving me any, like, he's not taking it that step further. You know what I mean? Like he's not saying, like, I don't know, he's not moving on to the next step. So now I'm in the state of confusion. I don't know if he's in a state of confusion, but I definitely am, and I'm labeling this as a situation ship. Or he's like in and out of my life, right? Like we're messaging for a month and then we stop for a little bit and then he comes back, and then you know that's toxic first and foremost.

SPEAKER_01 3:42

Yeah, I'm just giving, I'm not saying it's right.

SPEAKER_02 3:44

I'm just you know, I know, but um first of all, why is he not wanting to commit? I don't know. He's a man.

unknown 3:55

No, I'm kidding.

SPEAKER_00 3:57

Um, I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 3:58

I just feel like it to me, I guess, and obviously everyone's different, but that's just telling me you don't want to be with me. So if you're not willing to commit, then like what are we doing? We're just talking for no reason. Okay. However, I will say, I will, I will say this. If you're young, live your life. I don't care what you do. If you're gonna have fun, have fun. But if you're a woman or a man and you have intentions to be with somebody long term, and you what you want out of life is a commitment, and you're with someone who's showing you every sign that commitment is not happening in the near future, then that should be very telling that this person does not align with your values. This person is not for you, and this person sounds harsh, doesn't want you. So be with someone who wants you, who who desires you, who loves you, or you know, and not love is crazy because it's like a situationship and you're getting to know somebody or whatever, but it's just like I don't think a man is not gonna like I think a man when he steps into talking to a girl, he either has his intentions of like, I see this going somewhere, or I see this as a fun time.

SPEAKER_00 5:25

Wouldn't you say, I think those are all really good points, and I agree, but wouldn't you say like age plays a big factor in that? For sure.

SPEAKER_02 5:33

That's why I said, like, younger people, have your fun, like whatever you're doing, I don't care what you do.

SPEAKER_00 5:39

But even younger people, like it could be a case of like, you know, a girl is feeling maybe a little bit more of an emotional connection towards the guy, and he's maybe not reciprocating that. But she's like now her heart and her feelings are in it, and she's like, Okay, but I want a relationship. But he's not like maybe he's not ready for that kind of commitment. And it's not like they had the conversation before of like, hey, if we start talking, what do you want out of this? What do I want out of this? It's just like, oh, again, when you're young, it's like you like me, I like you. They hit you up, you're having fun conversation, but there's no talk of like what's next. I think when you're a little bit older in life, where you're kind of at a point where it's kind of obvious, and I'm talking mainly, I guess, for like out of like us. I don't know if the same would go for for others, but like you get to a point where it's kind of a given of like if this person and like if you guys start talking, that's gonna be your intention, is that my next step is marriage because I'm getting older, and it sounds like or it seems it would seem like it'd be his, you know what I mean? I feel like it's kind of a given in those situations.

SPEAKER_02 6:49

Yeah, maybe not always, but but I feel like even with younger people, if like you're a girl and you like a guy, and now your intentions with him are I want a commitment. If he's not committing, or like how how is how do you think girls nowadays they like address that to a guy?

SPEAKER_00 7:08

Do they just wait for him to kind of just be like that's what I was gonna say. The problem is I don't think anyone does. Not anyone, like but like I don't think like the girl does, you know. I think she does eventually, but I think she feels it for so long first, and she experiences it for so long, and then when she gets to the point where she's absolutely like sick of it, it's like then maybe she'll say something, or maybe she just ends it. I don't know. But I don't think it's like addressed is the problem. You know what I mean? So we found the problem, it's not addressed. I think I think it's not I think it's that it's not addressed, like it's not like a I don't know. I think she's waiting for him to say something.

SPEAKER_02 7:50

But why though? Like, why do you think the girl's waiting for the guy to say something and not like if she this is what she feels, like, all right, you gotta just be straight up with me. Like, do you want to continue with this or I'm just gonna go find someone else?

SPEAKER_00 8:09

Well, I think that can happen for many reasons. I think for one, as a girl, most girls want the man to take the lead and the initiative and everything. You know what I mean? Like, I don't wanna have to like like baby you into, you know, like hey, like you don't want to have to be like push him. Push him. You also want, you know, him to show you the effort. You want him to like by himself. I know I hear a lot of girls saying this, like he should just know, like he should just, you know, know that this is what I want. This is what he has to do. And for a lot of things, yes, maybe, but it's not always the case because you know, you can't read each other's minds. Um, I think another thing that I would say is um oh my gosh, it was on the top of my brain. What your question was what again? Well, my question is. Oh, what do we think the the girl doesn't say? Say. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 9:10

Why the girl doesn't say why the girl doesn't say.

SPEAKER_01 9:15

I have it. I swear I have it.

SPEAKER_02 9:17

Like why she doesn't address the the topic of like, hey, like what are we doing here? Yeah. And hey, don't get me wrong, guys. I know that's gonna scare a guy off. But if that scares him off, that wasn't the guy for you. Right, right. So it's just like because I I've had that said to me of like, wait, that's that's too intense. Like, that's gonna be weird. And I'm like, okay, I get it's weird, but like if someone actually likes you all, yeah. Yeah, someone actually likes you and wants to be with you, they're not gonna find that weird. Yes, or they might find it weird, but like they'll actually pursue you. Yeah. If you're not being pursued, then like the man does not want you. It's kind of like have did you watch last week's episode of Love Island? Uh like Jen and Gall. Oh my gosh, yes. That man was showing every sign that he does not want this girl. And how? How did we notice?

SPEAKER_00 10:14

How did we notice because he wasn't like being like he wasn't talking to her?

SPEAKER_02 10:18

He just wasn't talking, he was being so flaky, like just and like he just wasn't, you could tell he wasn't in it, and she could tell right wasn't in it.

SPEAKER_00 10:26

So then why did it continue? Yeah, why did she why did she still have that hope? So this is what I was gonna say, and you just reminded me exactly of my point that I forgot. I think it's because we, especially as women, get scared to let go of the potential of something, right? When we don't know what's next, right? Because if we think we're seeing something good and we have something good, but maybe it's not a hundred percent good. Maybe it's the situation ship. So it's like that if I say something, I could be risk, I could risk losing this. And if I do, then like what's next for me? Is there a next for me? It's that fear of like what happens next. I think that's what a lot of people may say. Like it takes that's why it takes them so long to let go of things that don't serve them or relationships that don't serve them.

SPEAKER_02 11:19

I'll tell them what happens next. What happens next is you get an answer of is this person for me? Is this person not for me? Snaps. That's good. That's what happens. That's true. Okay, yeah, you really like this person. You feel like they're gonna get away from you. Good. If that's not for you, get that energy out of my house. Like, I don't need that. Bye next, you know, thank you next. That's that's all we need to go off of here. But I get it. Like, I'm watching again. I keep breaking back Love Island because it's so fresh. Yeah, freaking Melanie, bro. I love her. I know you don't, but I love her. I'm she's growing on me. But can what? Bro, are you serious?

SPEAKER_01 12:04

She is what I feel like I just like disrespected her, like her whole family. I don't know. It's not even you. She like, I'm pissed at her because I'm like Melanie?

SPEAKER_02 12:16

Yeah, bro. This guy literally, time and time again, has shown you disrespect, and you can tell she was so mentally drained, just like looking for an answer, looking to be respected. And she even said that in like her last episode. Her line of like the prize, the prize is not being picked, the prize is being respected.

SPEAKER_00 12:37

I was like, snaps from Melanie, yes. And she even said she's like, I'm tired. Like, I I'm emotionally and mentally drained. Yeah. Then and why do you keep putting yourself back in the same place?

SPEAKER_02 12:47

Why do you keep putting yourself back in it? And is it like she's so like, did he love bomb her? Did he like, is she just so enrapped in like his personality that she thinks I'm not gonna find a guy like this again?

SPEAKER_00 13:01

I think she is, and I think the problem with men like Sincere are him and his stupid analogies. Make him sound like he knows what he's talking about when he really doesn't. He comes off as this emotionally mature man, emotionally intelligent. He really comes off that way, and that's how he presents because sometimes he uses big words. Like that's literally his words, he's good with his words and he knows how to word them in certain situations. So and I think I want to be your safe space. Right.

SPEAKER_02 13:30

Like, shut the fuck up, Sincere. Right. Like you don't mean it, you're not sincere about it. You're not sincere.

SPEAKER_00 13:37

But like things like that. Like Melanie and Sincere are is a great example of a situationship. It's like, but that's even even more toxic, I would say, because Sincere, you know, has made her feel and believe time and time again that it's gonna be different. It's gonna be different. Like, I'm gonna try. Like, look, I still pick you. I hate when they use that line, like, yeah, but I still picked you at the end of the day, right? Like Casey, oh my god, Casey.

SPEAKER_02 14:01

Oh, I still picked you at the end of the day, is my like pet peeve in the world.

SPEAKER_00 14:06

Like, oh, I still picked you. Okay, you just went on. That's when Melanie was like, What's your point? Picking me. I don't want to be picked if that's how you want to pick me, if you're not respecting me, which is fair. So I don't know. I think for her, it is a situation of like, I love how this turned into like love. But it is that situation of like you have this hope in somebody. Your feelings also just take over sometimes. Like your heart speaks louder than your mind and your logical brain. And I get it. Like, you can't blame the girl either, you know. Like, let's let men take responsibility for their actions and the things they do to get women to that point. Women also have a responsibility to, you know, be self-aware and and take care of themselves and take themselves out of situations like that. Men and women.

SPEAKER_02 14:52

I'm not saying it only happens to women, but mainly think more logically than emotionally. I think that's the woman's downfall where I think we think emotionally way too much.

SPEAKER_00 15:02

Especially when you're at a younger age. Oh, yes. Like it's all emotions, it's all your heart. And like it's it's hard because it's like again, that's why situationships happen so much more when you're at a younger age. It's because it's all emotions. There's no logic behind it. Maybe you don't want logic behind it. Maybe you're like, I don't, you know, like I'm not thinking 10, 10 years down the line right now because I don't have to, and that's fine. But your feelings and your emotions are still involved in this, and they could get really hurt. You know, because at the end of the day, we want clarity. We want to know. We want, you know, we want answers.

SPEAKER_02 15:37

You know, I was thinking a lot of like um, well, I still picked you at the end of the day. And why that's such a big, like I don't know why guys use that a lot. I really think girls want to be picked deep down.

SPEAKER_00 15:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 15:54

And I think they stay in a situation ship because I think they they do have that desire to be picked.

SPEAKER_00 16:00

That's a really good point.

SPEAKER_02 16:02

Like, well, I I need to change you. I need to, I need you to pick me. I need you to change that perspective of like not wanting to commit because I should be someone worth committing to, right? Like it's that insecurity women have of like, I need to be chosen. I need to be chosen. And I don't know why women have that. But I feel like every woman can relate to some point of like, yeah, we say like, you know, the prize isn't to be picked, it's to be respected. But I think deep down women want to be picked.

SPEAKER_00 16:32

So validating. I think, yeah, I think especially women, but I think everybody wants everybody wants to feel chosen. Everyone wants to feel picked, you know? Yeah. But I do think that for sure I can see it with women more. I think it's that sense of like, I mean, it's validating. It feels nice to feel, you know, chosen. It feels I don't know, like it's it's a great feeling, of course, but it's a problem when it's like that driving factor into everything else. It's like just because, like, you know, you got picked. I think it's realizing that you are so there's so much value in who you are that you will be picked a million more times, but it's also more than just being picked, you need to pick, you know. It's like when you go to a job interview.

SPEAKER_02 17:17

That's a great way to put it.

SPEAKER_00 17:18

Yeah, like when you go to a job interview, and like this like ch changed the way I thought about so many things. But like I had someone tell me once, like, just as much as you they are try choosing you, you are also choosing them. Like the interview goes both ways, right? Like, don't worry so much about being like loved and like picked, and like because you also need to love them. You also need to like make sure they're a great site, you also need to you're interviewing them as well. So I think the same thing goes with like relationships, you know. For sure.

SPEAKER_02 17:48

But it's not like go in one, like go in with the perspective of like, am I going to like this person rather than like, are they gonna like me?

SPEAKER_00 17:57

Yes, yes, exactly. Yeah, can we make it work for sure? Yeah, yeah. But I think I mean, I don't know. What advice would you give to someone in a situation ship that, you know, is feeling very confused, they're really into the person that they're talking to, and they want more, but they just don't know how to ask for it, or are wondering if they should even ask for it.

SPEAKER_02 18:26

Definitely ask for it. And I would say evaluate, like not evaluate, but look for your own find yourself worth. Like, and I I say that because it's like if you are not valuing yourself and you're letting someone else take away your time, and he's not valuing your time, then he's not valuing you. If you valued yourself, you would value your time also. And I think you should value, you should value your yourself. Like you, you should, because if you do, I'm not gonna let a man sit here and waste my time in a talking stage. Let's talk about that. A talking stage? What is that? People are gonna be like, you're so medieval, Natalie.

SPEAKER_00 19:20

I am, and I'm happy about it. So, okay, to you, what is the difference between, or is there a difference between talking and dating? That I feel like that's just like the debate of the century. Well, okay, here's the thing.

SPEAKER_02 19:32

I get it. We need to talk to people to figure out if we like them or not. Okay. 100%. Now, talking to someone more honestly, more than a month or two, to me is crazy. Like at that point, you're dating. Like, if you're gonna tell me I'm gonna sit here, put my emotions and my time and my energy into someone, and them like for for more than three, four months, and them not even like bring up the fact that like, oh, we should be exclusive, is crazy.

SPEAKER_00 20:06

Okay, but see, and then exclusivity is another thing though. What? To some people, yeah. Dating. Well, for some people, dating is just like I've been on a few dates with this person, but it's like not we're dating and we're exclusive. It's just like we're figuring out if we like each other. There's so many words.

SPEAKER_02 20:23

Not supposed to have a hard time.

SPEAKER_00 20:24

No, there are so many words, and I get confused too. I don't know. Like, I know talking is like it's just like phone conversation, right? But you haven't like went on a date at that point. Talking is a phone conversation. Like it's like you're texting, you're like maybe Facebook. You're not going out on dates. You're not going out on date. This is what I understand. I don't know if it's correct, but this is my I don't know, guys. Don't come for me. Correct me if I'm wrong. I don't know. Talking is you're just having your texting, your whatever for a little bit before you go out on a date.

unknown 20:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:56

Right. But then I don't even think the first date is technically dating. I think it's like three plus dates, and then it's like, okay, yeah, we're dating now. Some people also argue, not to throw you also into a wall, that technically dating isn't until your boyfriend and girlfriend. Like that's when you're dating is when they ask you to be their your boyfriend or girlfriend. I don't know. It's a headache, it's too much terminology.

SPEAKER_02 21:23

It's it is too much. I think you guys need to sum it up. Okay. I think it needs to be very No beating around the bush. What the heck are you telling me? And I'm not like arguing.

SPEAKER_01 21:35

Thank you, because that scared me.

SPEAKER_02 21:38

No, because it really irritates me. Like, I've like there's some people, okay, they want to talk for six months to get to know a person. But that within itself is crazy talk. Six months to get to know a person, and then after six months is when they decide if they want to be excluded. Exclusive. Now, exclusive is not even boyfriend, girlfriend. It's just, oh, we're exclusively dating.

SPEAKER_00 22:06

Like we're not talking or dating anyone else.

SPEAKER_02 22:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:09

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 22:10

Dumb. Okay. Right. So then how long will it take for you to put the other label on it, which is basically the same label as boyfriend and girlfriend?

SPEAKER_00 22:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 22:22

You're dating each other. You're exclusive with each other.

SPEAKER_00 22:24

Okay, but this is where I have to bring up age again. Like we're saying six months. Yeah, six months. That's a lot for someone my age. Your age, yes.

SPEAKER_01 22:33

That's crazy. Maybe I have no time to waste. Like, no.

SPEAKER_00 22:36

But like if we're talking about like you're 18 or you're 17 or whatever, six months is nothing, you know? Okay, yeah. Maybe like with age, no.

SPEAKER_02 22:48

Oh. Okay. I just I I just feel like more than uh two months is crazy to be talking to someone to know if you like them. Even at a younger age. Now, if younger age people like they're just talking for fun, that's a different story. Yeah. But if you're looking to like okay, maybe like talking for fun, yes, at the younger age, I can see six months because I don't think they're taking it seriously as much as like an older person would. More so, like if an older person would, six months is crazy. Yeah. In my opinion. Maybe not everyone's story is like this. Everyone's story is different.

SPEAKER_00 23:27

Everyone's story is different. Everyone, everyone and everyone's on their own track and journey. Maybe it's not that I don't know if I like you, I just don't know if okay. This is another another question, away from a little bit of the dating and the talking. Do you believe in if he wanted to, he would? Yeah. Okay. You want me to elaborate?

SPEAKER_02 23:47

Yeah, please. Yeah. I just think a man knows what he wants and he will do anything to get it.

SPEAKER_00 23:55

Okay. But what about if he wanted to, and he does want to, but he can't in that moment? Like I still believe if he wanted to, he would, but I don't always believe that applies.

SPEAKER_02 24:07

Yeah, I don't believe it applies at timing. I just think like if he wanted to, he like it takes a man to understand his circumstance. Like, you know, and it's like if his circumstance is that he's not ready for a level of commitment at one point in his life, or he's not ready financially. Um, I just think that man is going to pursue the woman he wants, or like I don't know, a woman he's actually interested in when he's ready. I don't think he'll pursue her at that time.

SPEAKER_00 24:40

Like before that time. So you think like for the most part he wouldn't do anything about wanting her until he's ready. And then it becomes if he wanted to, he would.

SPEAKER_02 24:50

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Some people might be different. Some people might be like, okay, I understand that, but like, I don't want to let this one go. And they might pursue them. I just think everyone is different, you know?

SPEAKER_00 25:01

Everyone is different. And everyone's on their own journey and track. That's why I agree. I do think it doesn't need six months to know if you like somebody or not, or if you can see like potential with someone or not. Um, but I think also some people, first of all, are different stages of their life, and also other it's personality based too. Like some people are just like, okay, maybe I know it and I feel it, but I'm scared, you know. Like, or I I am the type of person that I need to see all the other layers, you know. I know how I feel, you know, and I'm sure of how I feel. But I don't know if I want to make that commitment yet because I don't know. I haven't seen you like get angry. I haven't seen you like be, I don't know, like be around like my family. I haven't seen like these parts that take longer than three, four months, you know? Yeah. So, but I guess that's different. I guess that's more like if you're thinking, if you're just thinking my only answer for myself is do I like this person? Do I see a potential? I do agree. I think you can see that with way it doesn't need more than three months. But if you are asking even the harder questions and the deeper questions, which is can I see myself marrying this person?

SPEAKER_02 26:17

Yeah, then it's like okay, but that's still, I feel like you still see it. Yeah, you feel it. But I feel like you don't have to have a talking stage to like, okay, if you're dating a person, let's say you do become boyfriend, girlfriend, and then you start to see those signs later on, you still have the ability to leave. Right. But at least you have like you have the sense of like someone is committing to me and I'm committing to them, and we don't have to worry or be confused about well, are they talking to other people? Are they because I feel like that can really play with your head, yeah, and that can really put an influence on your opinion and judgment. So it's like I would rather be committed and dating. You don't even have to call. Well, actually, it's the same thing. We're dating, we're exclusively dating, right? I still think you can get to know a person and date and be whatever, and then at the end of the day, figure out who they are and make your decision midway through.

SPEAKER_00 27:20

I agree. I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 27:21

No, I agree with all the points because I think you're still like developing your emotions regardless. Totally.

SPEAKER_00 27:26

And and I think that's something that's really important to I think one of my favorite things that you said in this episode was one that um if you are scared to ask that question based off of like his reaction or him like not him being scared, then that tells you what you need to know. I think that's a really, really such a good way to put it because it like changes the perspective on things. It's like, okay, well, then is that someone you even want? Is that you know, someone you would even choose, you know? Um and then also I do agree with with it doesn't it doesn't need more than like a few months to figure out what you want. And there doesn't have to be that level of commitment just yet. You're just at that point, if you're asking that person that question, it's just for your own clarity. It's not saying, hey, put a ring on my finger. It's not that.

SPEAKER_02 28:19

It's literally, and if he takes it that way, if he takes it that way, that's my sign. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 28:24

But like, it's just like I just want to know for my own sake, you know? Yeah, my own clarity. And just so I know, like, where is I don't have to know where this is going in terms of like, are we gonna get married one day? But it's just like, how are you feeling? How am I feeling? You know, are we on the same page?

SPEAKER_02 28:41

I also think like women, we need to do a like an evaluation of our intention. I do think that. And what I mean by that is ask yourself, what am I looking for in a relationship at this point in my life? Am I looking for marriage? Am I looking for just a committed long-term relationship? Am I looking for validation? What am I looking for? Like, really do the self-work on yourself before you enter these types of things. Because that's gonna really show you, that's gonna register in how you uh like behave. And I I don't like to use the word behave, but it is like how you're responding to everything.

SPEAKER_00 29:23

Right.

SPEAKER_02 29:24

Are my own things coming out in Yeah, are my own things coming out in this relationship of like, oh, I need the validation, so I'm just gonna stay with someone to prove to myself I can get picked. If that that that might be the case for some people, that might not be the case. Or other people, it's just like if I'm looking for a committed long-term relationship and this person is not, then what am I then what am I doing? I'm just gonna waste my time.

SPEAKER_01 29:53

That's a really, really good point.

SPEAKER_02 29:54

If you're looking for marriage and this man is nowhere near marriage, be so upfront with him.

SPEAKER_00 29:59

And this is this is where you have to ask yourself and be honest with yourself.

SPEAKER_02 30:04

Yeah, like are you really gonna wait five years till someone proposes? And uh obviously it depends on the time where you're at on the situation you're gonna do. You know, yeah. We're in our late 20s, so like I feel like with us and our friends, I mean, does anyone really want to be in a five, 10 year relationship before someone proposes?

SPEAKER_00 30:26

No, of course not. It depends on the person. Depends on the person. I don't think anyone like that's not ideal for anybody, but you know, obviously everyone has their own situations and like things that like okay, maybe it's not really up to me or him or whatever in this moment, but this is what life is looking like. So if you're willing to like make that sacrifice, then you know. Yeah. But no, I do agree a hundred percent. I think um asking yourself, asking the other person, being upfront and honest with yourself and with them, and just like asking yourself, okay, to what extent am I going to like keep putting up with this? Like, I know how I'm feeling, I know I'm feeling confused, I know I need answers. How long am I willing to be in this situation before something changes? Yeah. And like if I don't say something, who knows if anything's gonna change and they're just gonna keep leading me on. And then for what? You know, at the end of the day. And then you're like also like wasting my time, you're wasting my energy, you're wasting these moments that I don't know that I could be like spending on myself or with my family or putting my energy towards something else that's like leading me somewhere.

SPEAKER_02 31:33

Also, something else I want to preface. I know we're running out of time, yeah, but really listen to what the man says because it's gonna be very telling. What do you mean? Like if a man says, if you ask him the question and he says, um Yeah, like I'm just like, we're just feeling this out, seeing where this goes. Like, you know, right now we're just having fun. That's probably what he means. I don't I think he will let you know if his intentions are where they're headed. If he is not in the right timeline, he's going to let you know he's not in the right timeline. He will give you a timeline of like, give me this amount of times, this amount of time to prove to you this. That's a that's an act of pursuing. Like, I'm going to work hard to show you that I am committed to you and I want to be with you, and I'm going to work hard to pursue that. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 32:33

Damn, okay.

SPEAKER_02 32:35

Obviously, there's some every man. Obviously, there's some men where I feel like I don't know what you what they're doing.

SPEAKER_00 32:42

When go, they yeah, what they go through. I think that's an honest. There's a lot of man. And I think that's that's what you'd want, and that is like very respectful. And I think I I do agree. I think listen to the words they're using and what they're saying because it is very telling. I do agree. Yeah. But the only thing I don't agree with is that they don't the men don't always make it that easy. You know what I mean? They're not always if they're like sincere and they're like saying one thing. And he knows he does it too. He learns like he knows he does it.

SPEAKER_02 33:11

I'm telling the truth, but I'm also telling the half truth.

SPEAKER_00 33:14

I don't know why I do that. I don't know. Come on. So it's just like it, I do agree, and I think that's a good, that's an actual, like that's a man. That's a man, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_02 33:24

I'm trying to think back of to what Sincere told Melanie and what he told all the other girls. I think what he tells them is like, I really enjoy getting um to spend this time with you. And then he won't say, like, I pick you and you're the one I want, and I want to close things off.

SPEAKER_00 33:42

He'll never say the perfect way to enough to where it's like, man, you're still gonna feel I'm gonna feel a type of way if he says that to me, right? Like, oh, okay, like I'm feeling chosen. And he didn't never set I picked you or I chose you. Yeah, you never said it. But it's like, I really enjoy like spending time with you and I'm really liking the way this is going. Okay. Okay. To me, that translates as like, you know, I'm like one of your top choices at the moment, right?

SPEAKER_02 34:05

Yeah, yeah. And even when Melanie is like literally crying to him of like, you drained the all the energy out of him, out of me, he still didn't say, like, okay, well, I want to commit to you. I want, I want to be with you. He doesn't say those. That's why I'm saying, listen to what he says. Because if he doesn't say it, that's telling. If he says what he means in the sense of like, I'm just trying to have fun, I'm having fun getting to know you. Believe that. He's just having it fun getting to know you.

SPEAKER_00 34:33

But then it's confusing for Melanie because then why the hell did you pick me? Like, if you really don't want a commitment and you really didn't want me at the end of this, then why did you choose me?

SPEAKER_02 34:42

I can tell you exactly why. Because he said it. He said it. I know Melanie. I know myself too. I knew Melanie would be standing there alone. I knew Melanie would come back to me. He said it. That's why I'm like, listen to what the man says. It is so telling.

SPEAKER_00 34:58

Yep.

SPEAKER_01 34:59

Good point. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 35:00

I like the Love Island chat.

SPEAKER_01 35:02

If you guys want us to go, I have so much to say about Casey.

SPEAKER_00 35:05

Don't even get disrespectful man, disgusting man. Anyway, um, I have so much to say. If you guys want more Love Island, we can do that too.

SPEAKER_01 35:17

Comment down below. If you really, really want. I definitely don't want to do it. But like if you want us to, we can.

SPEAKER_02 35:22

Not like we spent half this episode talking about Love Island.

SPEAKER_00 35:26

Anyway, thank you guys for tuning in. We apologize that it was kind of a shorter episode today. Um but um we definitely are excited to be back and filming for you guys. And as always, please let us know your thoughts, your comments, if you have any suggestions or opinions. We're open to hearing it all. Um, so keep us in the loop and let us know. Anyway, we love you guys, and thanks for tuning in. Bye.