The Reason You Can't Trust Anyone Might Have Nothing to Do With Them

You say you trust people. But do you? Or are you just waiting for them to prove you right about what you already believe — that everyone eventually lets you down?

In this episode, we get into the thing nobody wants to admit: that most of our trust issues aren't about the person in front of us. They're about the person who hurt us years ago. We break down whether trust should be earned or freely given, what happens when past pain bleeds into new relationships, and whether it's actually possible to love someone you don't fully trust. This conversation got real — and it might change how you look at every relationship in your life.

In this episode, you'll learn:

• The difference between being cautious and self-sabotaging — and how to tell which one you're actually doing right now
• Why forgiveness and trust are not the same thing — and why one has to come before the other can even begin
• The question you need to ask yourself before you blame the other person for your inability to let them in

Chapters:

00:00 – Welcome and Today's Topic

01:22 – Can Broken Trust Actually Be Repaired?

03:23 – Should Trust Be Earned or Freely Given?

05:15 – Why Trust Gets Harder the Older You Get

07:00 – What Trust Actually Looks Like in Practice

09:06 – There's Always Gonna Be a "What If"

10:20 – Can You Love Someone You Don't Trust?

14:11 – How Past Relationships Wreck Your Current One

17:15 – Are You Reacting to Them or to Your History?

18:00 – Relationship OCD and Unrealistic Expectations

23:23 – Where to Start When Rebuilding Trust

26:06 – Second Chances — Where's the Line?

31:22 – You Can Forgive and Still Walk Away

35:20 – One Piece of Advice for Someone Struggling to Trust

38:00 – Don't Block Something Beautiful Because of Something Broken

41:04 – Be Cautious, But Don't Self-Sabotage

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hey guys, welcome back to In Session with Nat and Ann. Um today our episode is going to be discussing a topic that I think we can all relate to, and maybe we all have our different opinions on. So me and Nat thought it'd be fun to just like share ours. Um we got this asked a couple of times, and I guess this can relate to whether we're talking about relationships, like romantically, friendships, family, kind of just like you can relate it to any anything in life, honestly. Yeah. So our topic for today is we are discussing trust, what that means, when it's broken, can you come back from it? Um, and what that would look like. Um, so I guess my question to start with you, not, is and this might be a hard one to answer from the get-go, but would you say if somebody broke your trust, do you think it is repairable? And can they build it back?

SPEAKER_02 1:03

Hmm. Well, I think it depends on what kind of thing you're talking about, you know? Like situations happen in life and each one feels differently to you, you know. So something that hurt you deeply might not hurt me deeply. So it depends on you and where you're at in life. Um, also, I feel like trust can be looked at in two ways. You know, like sometimes people can break your trust in the sense of like um not being loyal, you know, being untrustworthy and all of those things. And then also I feel like trust can be just something you struggle with, like innately, internally, maybe due to like, you know, parents, maybe due to like different situations in your life. So I really think the answer is it depends on what it is. You know what?

SPEAKER_00 2:02

I agree with that. I do think that it depends on what it is. I think there are layers to it, there are levels to it. Yeah. Would you say though, like, would you say trust is something that has to be earned, or is it something that's like freely given?

SPEAKER_02 2:16

Something that has to be earned or freely given? That's hard. Oh my god. I feel like okay. I feel like if you don't have trust, it's going to affect your relationships. That's one. Two, I feel like you kind of have some kind of control over your decision to trust somebody. And then three, I think like maybe when trust is broken, maybe that is when there needs to be a tango there between two people to restore and earn back that trust. Um so yeah, again, this is all situational. What would you say?

SPEAKER_00 3:08

It is personally. I think it's weird because I think there's there is a change that happens. Like I think when you're younger, it's easier to freely give your trust, right? Like maybe if you haven't been burned times in the past, like you kind of just like, okay, like it's easier to trust people. Like it's you just kind of do, right? And then the older you get, I think, and more like life happens. And maybe the more that like I don't know, um, you get hurt in the past, someone betrays you, someone, you know, you start seeing people differently for the way they moved. And I think eventually, because of life situations, you kind of realize that trust is something that has to be earned, you know. But I think it depends on the phase of life you're in and like what you've experienced personally. Yeah. So I think it is dependable based on like each person and situation. For me, I really believe that trust is something that has to be earned. Really? Okay. Like I can't imagine myself now meeting somebody for the first time and automatically trusting them. You know what I mean? Like, I'm not just gonna give you my trust. I don't know you, you know? And because I'm like wise enough now at this age, because I've been through things, I know that it's a big risk that I'd be taking if I just like really trust you without even thinking twice. I'm more cautious now. I'm more okay, well, I think depending on your actions and how you prove to me that I could trust you, that's when I'd know, you know. But it's not like I can just like meet you and be like, oh my gosh, like you can save my life. Like I would like, you know what I mean? Like you, like I could give you my my life and you'd be fine. Like I could trust that. No, like that's not the case. It takes I need evidence. I need evidence. I need to know right, right. Like, what if like I put so much trust in you and then you break that? And then it's like, okay, maybe then I'm like blaming myself. I don't know. Like, yeah, you know, no. So I think it does need to be earned in my eyes anyway.

SPEAKER_02 5:19

Do you feel like you're someone who like trusts easily or you have a hard time trusting someone? Ooh.

SPEAKER_00 5:26

That's a good question. I don't think I trust easily. And I wouldn't say I have a really hard time trusting either. Um but if I had to pick one, I would say like it takes me longer to trust than than not to, if that makes sense. Like and and what is trusting for you look like?

SPEAKER_02 5:57

Like, what does that look like as an action to be able to fully trust somebody? I don't know if that even makes sense, but I feel like there's a way people operate and a way people kind of like like is it, you know, you trust people with your secrets, you trust people with your um your heart. Like, how do you trust someone with your heart? What does that look like?

SPEAKER_00 6:22

That's a great question. Um you know, I think for me, trust is um loyalty and it's sacrifice. Um and it's it's similar to love. We were defining love the other day. Sacrifice and selflessness because to me, trust when I know I can trust somebody is when let's say they were put in a position where they could have easily like hurt me, and they chose not to. They chose to protect me instead of protecting themselves. That's kind of a form of trust in my eyes, if that makes sense, you know? Yeah. Um, and that ties into loyalty and it ties into love and it ties into sacrifice and selflessness and all of that. For me, it's I can tell you my deepest, darkest thing, and I know it's not, it's not leaving this room. It's I trust you with my body, my mind, my heart, my all of it, you know. I think, and it depends also obviously on the on the relationship, you know. Trusting a friend can look different than trusting a partner um or trusting a family member, you know, but it's still all forms of trust. It just might be defined a little bit differently based on the relationship that you have with that person.

SPEAKER_02 7:52

Yeah. I mean, those are really huge things to do for someone else. Yeah. And it's like at the end of the day, we're always gonna be a little bit uncertain. Yes. There's that's such a good point. There's always gonna be a bit of like, well, what if what if it happens? What if you can give me every possible yes, every possible like, okay, good, good, good, check, check, check. And then at the end of the day, something happens and it falls apart. Like, so what you're saying is just like it it takes so much to fully trust someone in a sense.

SPEAKER_00 8:35

It does, because like you said, it's it's a risk at the end of the day. You don't know, you don't know what that person's gonna do with that trust that you've given them, you know? But it's a risk you kind of have to be willing to take, you know. Um and it's easier for some people than others, but it's it's important. Like trust is like, what is trust without I mean, I'm sorry, what is a relationship without trust? Any of it, you know? Then it's just superficial, right? If I'm just like, what like what is a friendship without trust? What is a partnership without trust? Like it really is the foundation of every relationship.

SPEAKER_02 9:12

Yeah. Do you believe love and trust can coexist?

SPEAKER_00 9:16

Yeah. How so? Like that you can like love and trust somebody at the same time?

SPEAKER_02 9:23

No, sorry. Love and untrust, like um the ability to not trust.

SPEAKER_00 9:30

Oh, can they exist at the same time? Like, can you love somebody but at the same time not trust them?

SPEAKER_02 9:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 9:37

Hmm. I don't know how I feel about this one because a part of me says no. I think love equals trust, but then a part of me is like, no, but like you can have love first. I think it depends on the kind of love. Let's start there. I can love somebody from afar, but like not have them be a part of my life. Does that make sense? So for me, yeah, then the answer would be yes. Like with that kind of person, I can love you from afar, but I don't trust you. But if I'm talking about true, actual, like deep, meaningful love, and like there's a friendship or there's a relationship or whatever, like true love, I don't think that can exist without trust. And I guess it makes sense in my eyes because there's no foundation when it comes to that person that like I'm loving from afar. Does that make sense? Like there's no relationship for there to be a foundation, which means trust doesn't really matter there.

SPEAKER_02 10:51

Like you're saying, you keep them at an arm's length. Yeah. So there's no way we can establish something further.

SPEAKER_00 10:58

Yes, because like I don't know, I I just love people. Like I love people, you know what I mean? Like I they're acquaintances. I can love an acquaintance, you know. I still have love for you. Maybe that's the difference. I have love for them. Maybe I don't like love them. You know what I mean? So with that, yeah, I can like I can love, I don't know. Let's just say Justin Bieber. Of course you do.

SPEAKER_02 11:23

Of course you would say Justin Bieber.

SPEAKER_00 11:25

But like let's say, like I love Justin from afar. Let's say he was an acquaintance of mine, right? I don't know him. Um, let's say I love him from afar, but he's just an acquaintance. So I don't trust him, you know what I mean? But I love you as a human being, human to human. I don't know. I think I just because I love people. So that's why I'm like, it depends on the type of love.

SPEAKER_02 11:45

It does depend on the type of love. I What would you say? I don't know. I'm having a hard time answering the question as well, because I feel like in the definition you gave of like, you know, fully trusting someone, it kind of correlates with the definition of love. So it's like maybe, maybe in a sense, like you are, you are correct, where two cannot coexist. Not trusting someone and loving someone cannot exist in the same same space. Because it's like like I would need to sacrifice my fear of the unknown for someone to fully give my my utmost love of like through it all, I am going to stick by you even in my uncertainty. And that takes trust. That takes trust and that takes love. Yes. That takes deep love to be like, you know what? I'm self-sacrificing right now. You know, that that's that's deep love. Not to say sometimes that's correct. Like sometimes we have to really look at the facts here. We really have to look at the what's going on in front of me. Like, if there's a person they're cheating on you over and over and over again, okay, like what are we gonna hold? Hang on to hope, or are we gonna like trust this person? Like there's a difference in in the way people operate, of course.

SPEAKER_00 13:03

Yeah, right. Well, that kind of brings me to my next question is like how difficult or not how difficult, how do you think broken trust in the past can affect like future relationships? Like, let's say I've had my heart broken in the past and I'm entering another relationship. How do you think that could affect my now relationship because of that?

SPEAKER_02 13:25

Oh, dude, I think that would affect it significantly. I actually have a client and she's kind of going through the same thing where she had a really bad relationship prior, and then in the current, you know, in the current year, she's now in a new relationship and they do love each other. And that here's why I feel like it's a little like I'm a little hesitant on like can they coexist love and trust? Because like she deeply does love him, like she loves the guy, the new guy, but it's like because of her past, because of like the damage that was done there, she's having a hard time trusting that the relationship is good. Because there's always that like, well, what if it falls apart? What if he's not as great as he he's telling me? What if this? What if that? And I feel like with a lot of people with anxiety, a lot of people who've maybe like have had issues with family members in the past or have been abandoned or have, you know, just racing thoughts or just overthinkers, you know, like I I do think you can love someone, but your your mind's just always gonna have that what if. What if this happens to me?

SPEAKER_00 14:42

But don't you think it's not that she doesn't trust him? It's that uh uh she's not allowing herself to, you know what I mean? That's I yeah, I do think that. Because I don't know if it's like Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 15:01

I think she is self-sabotaging. Yes. Oh, that's yeah. I think that's what is essentially happening where she's taking information from the past and she's applying it in the present. And sometimes you can't do that with different people because different people are are different. Like, you know, everyone's gonna be everyone has a different story, everyone has a different way of behaving. Now take information of like, okay, what did I not like in the past? You know, like what was the thing that made me feel like this is not a good relationship to be in? And maybe that's what you can apply and look for the evidence. Is what I'm seeing today similar to what I'm seeing in the past? Or are things actually going good? And I have no reason to not trust this relationship. Yeah, you know, like challenge the thoughts.

SPEAKER_00 16:00

Right, right. I agree a hundred percent. Yeah. And also a reminder that like this person is not that person, you know. Yes. Like they're not the same person. So just like don't put your brain back there just because of your anxiety and your thoughts, and you, you know, allow yourself to love and trust and like fall and and all of it. You know, I think it's hard to like because you start comparing everything, right? Like, okay, but like this is like how I felt in my previous relationship in the beginning of it. Like he was also like great and and perfect, and he did everything for me, and I didn't have a reason to trust to doubt, and like, so it's like, and honestly, I don't know if you've heard of relationship OCD. No. Okay, so it's OCD, but it's specifically. I have. I have. Okay, sorry, continue. It's specifically for like relationships, like everything could be going right and smooth, right? But then with relationship OCD, you're questioning everything. Like, oh my gosh, like his tone was different towards me today. Like, does he love me? Does he like not? Is he mad at me? Did I do something wrong? Did I miss? I don't sound like someone I know. Me, I mean, no, but like truly, and it's like, um, those are the people that you find asking all the time, like their partners, or like, do you still love me? Oh, is this you?

SPEAKER_02 17:26

This is George's trauma. Sorry, not to like George can relate to this one. Oh why I found out relationship OCD because I was like, why am I like this? And then I was like, Oh, I have relationship OCD. Like, and it made sense because I'm like, wait, dude, I'm such a perfectionist. Yeah. I'm such like a rigid person. Like, like it needs to go one way. And if it's not going one way, it's like, yeah, no, no, what the heck?

SPEAKER_00 17:55

But it's also situational though, because if you think about it, Nat, like this was your first relationship. So it's like you also have nothing to compare it to. So you don't know if a man's tone is just the man's tone because it's a man or if he's mad at you. You know what I mean? You know, that's true. It's like deprived, like it's that's also situational. So I don't know if I would go as far as to saying you have a relationship OCD. Yeah. Or it's just like, oh, this was my first time, like, you know, going through these like changes and like these feelings and these.

SPEAKER_02 18:22

But the way it's dynamic is that, you know, as human beings, we all have expectations of, you know, what we think things should look like, you know? And so when it doesn't uh doesn't like correlate or it's not parallel to that expectation, then your mind starts to race of like, whoa, that's not how I thought, you know, someone would talk to me. That's not how I thought this was going to happen, or like this should have gone like this, and then your mind goes like a million miles a minute, and then you realize, wait, what's the actual evidence in front of me right now? Yeah, you know, and like you gotta do your own self-reflection of like, is this coming from the person or is this coming from me? So I think at one point I had to sit with myself and I had to be like, hey not, this is coming from you because you're too much of a perfectionist and you have crippling anxiety, and you need to work on that. And when I worked on that, the other parts get better because you realize, like, hey, not everything is gonna go the way you expect it to go. Right.

SPEAKER_00 19:34

Yeah, right. Because we have this, these unrealistic expectations sometimes, and like we think, like you said, it should look like a certain way or should feel a certain way or should be, and it's like that's not reality, babe. So it's just like it's so important to do that like self-reflection and like for sure. I love that you said, like, is it me? Is it is it coming from the other person or is it me? And then nine times out of ten, it's it's from us and our own anxiety.

SPEAKER_02 19:59

Yeah, yeah. And like that kind of like brings it back to trust because I feel like sometimes when people do get those thoughts or they do feel a bit anxious, or you know, they're kind of just in their head about certain things, like it can really affect your trust in someone else, but sometimes it might not even be the person, it's just you and your perception of reality, exactly.

SPEAKER_00 20:26

That's what brought me to relationship OCD, because when we were saying like that person is not the person in the past, you know what I mean? Like, make sure you realize they're two separate people, which means things aren't gonna look the same. And sometimes relationship relationship OCD, you take some of those experiences and you also like you put it onto like this, like you put it onto like, okay, well, my ex, like when his tone was like that, he left me. It's it's all that abandonment too. It's that fear of abandonment, I think that has a lot to do with like mistrust and stuff because it's like, well, no matter what, at the end of it all, he left me and I was abandoned, you know, and this person can be doing the same exact thing, treating me nicely, shooting me, whatever, whatever, and he could leave me too. And you also kind of have to come back to the reality of it's all possible. He could, he could leave you. It yeah, right? And that is the reality of it all. But right now, things are good. So don't self-sabotage, kind of what we were saying, you know. Allow yourself to choose to trust this person if you are willing to take that risk. Ask yourself, like, what do I want out of this? You know, what is the greater goal here? At the end of it all, why am I even in a relationship? Isn't it to A B C? Like, isn't it to get married, have kids, whatever? If it if it's that, then don't I have to do this, you know? Don't have to put myself in this like vulnerable state and take this big risk in the sleep of faith, which is scary. But I kind of have. to do that in order to get air. Yeah. You know?

SPEAKER_02 22:03

That's so true. Yeah. Yeah. What would you say is like if someone out there, you know, is hearing this conversation and they're thinking to themselves, well, it's not as easy as it looks. You know? Like I can't just wake up tomorrow and trust somebody right away. Like what would you tell them is a a great place to start?

SPEAKER_00 22:29

A place to start to rebuilding trust. Well if we're talking in like the scenario of a romantic relationship I would say first of all communicate that to that person, you know, how you're feeling second of all, what is the effort that is being put in place? You know, are you putting in effort? Are they putting in effort? Trust isn't going to be built overnight, you know? You know that saying like where they say trust takes like years to be built but seconds to crumble or something like that. And that's really what it is. You have to remind yourself like it's like it's a battle, right? And it has its ups and downs. It's going to take a time. But personally I really think as long as effort is being shown, then that's all you need to know. You know what I mean? Like okay there is some change happening. You know, it's not going to happen overnight, but like this person is really showing me that they are changing it around and they want to make this work. And they're showing me through their actions, through their words, through their affection, through their consistency, all of it, you know? Yeah. So that's what I would kind of say is like communicate and then nothing's going to happen without communication at the end of the day. You know, you kind of have to communicate that to that person. Well no matter what kind of relationship it is, you know? And then if you communicate it and you're seeing effort, great. If you communicate it and there's no effort being placed that kind of tells you what you need to know and maybe it's like okay this isn't this isn't for me. This friendship, this relationship, none of it, you know? So it starts with communication, I say, and then effort.

SPEAKER_02 24:22

100%. Yeah. What do you think about it? I feel like that's the biggest thing communication. Yeah. It's constantly being but it is I feel like it is hard to communicate sometimes especially like when you feel I don't know being in your own mind just sometimes feels so isolating and it just feels like am I crazy and you don't want to show that part to your to the other person. But I do think it's important to communicate because then their reaction will tell you a lot. Right.

SPEAKER_00 24:49

I think right yeah do you I mean do okay so do you believe in like second chances like giving somebody a second chance after they've kind of ruined that trust you personally as Nat me as Nat Gosh I feel like I'm just a nice person.

SPEAKER_02 25:11

You are you're the nicest I don't know like it dep again it depends what it is. Of course depends what it is if it's like something drastic like no like what's drastic? Like cheating that's crazy no if it's like you told my secret okay yeah I'll give you a second chance I might not tell you another secret right I don't know I might not trust you again but like obviously it's gonna ruin the relationship to some capacity. Yeah. And there's gonna be like a whole lot of rebuilding to do um do I think anything's possible? Yes I do believe that um yeah I think it just depends but I think like the one thing I would tell myself in in any relationship is that trust can only be restored after forgiveness. I think forgiveness is the hard part like if I can get to that point where I can truly forgive somebody then that pain that was established when when the hard thing came when the when the trust was broken that part can heal for me and that way my mind can be clear moving on to different situations. At that point in that different situation all I have in front of me is the evidence being shown you know that evidence is going to be my you know my thing that helps me decide what to do next. I've forgiven my heart is clean I've looked at the evidence and now all I have left to do is come to a conclusion like am I okay with the uncertainty of life? Am I okay with that? Because that is a really big question and a lot of people they stray away from it because it feels so scary to be unsure. But sometimes in life you're gonna have to be unsure because nothing's a hundred percent so until you can accept that you sometimes have to be okay with uncertainty and you can weigh out your options of what's the evidence in front of me and you can find that forgiveness I feel like yeah like things can move forward. Like maybe a second chance can happen. Maybe I don't know maybe in the next relationship, the next friendship whatever it is maybe I can think of it from a a clearer perspective and not allow all those racing thoughts get the best of me and sabotage everything in my life. So I don't know but what would you say?

SPEAKER_00 28:06

That's a great answer. I don't know how to follow up after that mine was gonna be very simple and like rambling. No no I I agree I mean first and foremost it does depend on the situation and I do agree with forgiveness has to come first you know um for me it's just as simple as yes I do believe in second chances because we're all human at the end of the day and we all make mistakes none of us are perfect. So I do believe people deserve second chances now again it's situational. When we're talking about you know like you said for example cheating like that's a big no no no no no no red flag absolutely completely red line don't cross it there's no coming back from that you know um but then when we're talking about like certain other things, you know, I do believe that I think at the end of the day it why I say yes I believe in second chances is because it all comes back to depends on the person's intentions too you know like that plays a role as well. So if someone spilled your secret but they don't they didn't realize it was like a secret or like a big big deal like okay like I'm not gonna cut you off of my life because like you know you weren't aware how much this thing meant to me you know um also the biggest part is I think if I communicate with that person that hey my trust was really broken when you did this and again it goes back to effort if I can see like effort in that like oh I'm so sorry like you know that was a mistake they take accountability we move on we move forward of course like you know that's a second chance in my eyes but second chance and that's it I don't do three four five six times. Yeah three four five six times it's a little crazy no after a second time I've already told you now twice that you've hurt my feelings and that this broke my trust in you and then you still continue to do the same things you're doing that's not okay in my eyes. Now can I forgive that person and move on it's hard but I think I can you know I would I would do that and I feel like I've done that before like I've forgiven and I moved on but it doesn't mean that just because I've forgiven we we we can reconcile. No I can forgive again from afar I can love you from afar. Exactly um but it doesn't mean that we have to be you know like it was before because it's not sure like in my eyes like that's just been tainted now and there's nothing that can like change that you know like it's just something that I see you in a different light you know I see you as a different person that I don't trust anymore. And again what is a relationship without trust it's not it's not there is no relationship.

SPEAKER_02 31:04

There's no foundation like you're always gonna be second guessing what that person is doing, what they're up to and you know it's not gonna be good for both parties.

SPEAKER_00 31:14

Right exactly so I really do believe that you can forgive somebody and still not trust them.

SPEAKER_02 31:19

100% yeah I feel like that's kind of like the point where it's like you you can't forgive them. I feel like forgiveness helps you have a clear mind and helps you like not get rid of the pain but like make the pain less because when you're thinking in a state of like this person hurt me so deeply and like that's the only thing on your mind then it's just like you're still stuck in emotion. I don't know you're still stuck in that like well maybe I can repair it maybe I can like um I there's how do I put this into words because like I'm just thinking of like Melanie right back to this back to love island back to this how do you repair that I like I don't know I just think like she needs to forgive and move on and like the evidence in front of her right now is clear. Like you know he had multiple chances so it's just like do with the evidence what you will and be okay that like you'll never know if he was a changed man but like that that's the evidence you have to decide on your own. But it's just like if you're constantly like stuck in that emotion of like the I was so deeply hurt and like I kind of want to fix that. I want to I want to feel like that love again I want to chase a feeling of love again with this person. Like maybe there's a way we can reconcile like I don't know it's just it's hard to think clear in that in that perspective with what's in front of you. I don't know some people like might just this hurt me I'm done I'm moving on yeah some people are like wait no like I don't want to feel abandoned like I want to keep this going.

SPEAKER_00 33:07

Yeah yeah that's true and I think I think you can look at it one of two ways I think you know the first way of the no I'm done I move on right away that could also kind of be a defense mechanism. You know I feel like that could also look like I'm just protecting myself because I'm scared if I do this again it's gonna happen again, you know? And it is a form of protection, yes, but for some people I think it's more of like a okay I see a little bit of like a maybe you didn't hurt me so deeply but there's something and I'm just gonna like okay that's it I'm done bye and I'm gonna avoid like this like possibly happening because it's happened in the past and it feels kind of familiar you know so I really think it just at the end of the day it depends um but it is hard to rebuild that trust in in somebody that especially if you had a very like meaningful long friendship or relationship or whatever, you know um it it takes it takes a lot of time it takes a lot of effort um yeah what would you say is the biggest thing yeah what would you say if you had to give like one piece of advice to to somebody that is looking to you know rebuild their trust and is having a hard time in either rebuilding their trust in somebody specifically or um just in people in general you know and they're just having a hard time but they really want to like heal from from the past and move forward in their life um in order to open up um the space for somebody else what would you say to that person?

SPEAKER_02 34:54

What would I say to that person? There's so much to unpack like in that question but I think like I think the answer is just like take it one day at a time and like we say in every video self-reflection is such a big thing for you to have like take a look at your surroundings like is the trust coming from the person in front of you or is the trust the the mistrust is it coming from the evidence you see in front of you in that person or is it coming from a place in your past that wasn't really resolved for you is it coming from the people who like hurt you prior and like that wound is still open like there was no bandaid that was put on it and it's still like gushing out and I I would say start there because you need to learn how to nurse that wound. There needs to be a place of healing that comes first for you for within yourself and then the the second part can come but it you take it one day at a time and you learn about yourself and you learn about what happened and who is it in my life that I still need to find that reconciliation with even though it's not it might not be a physical reconciliation maybe it's a reconciliation with like you and your heart and like like that person in spirit you know of like all right I will no longer let you have that power over me and now I can move on and I can make the best decisions for myself with what I have in front of me. So I guess that would be my answer.

SPEAKER_00 36:39

That'd be great. What would you say on um honestly everything you said but I would also challenge that person to like yeah challenge that person to think of it in a way a positive aspect too think of okay well when was the last time I trusted somebody and it went really well for me like it worked out for me you know um and what would have my life looked like if I didn't take that chance and trust that person in the past you know how differently would life look now so like it doesn't always have to mean negative when you're trying to trust somebody it could be a really beautiful positive thing that you're allowing yourself to do you know um I like that yeah yeah like challenge challenge yourself to think of like the the good that came with trust the good times um I say you know don't prevent yourself from something beautiful that can happen in the future um just because of something negative that happened in the past you know um kind of like think about your life five years down the line what do I want it to look like you know who do I want to be surrounded by um what will it take to get there? Like don't I have to put myself in an uncomfortable and vulnerable position to get there? Don't I have to take a chance and take that risk you know and yeah you do like you do have to it's it's yes to all those questions. In order for me to get there me personally where I imagine myself in five years is surrounded by people I love whether that's friends, a husband my kids whatever um but in order to get there I have to allow myself to trust somebody trust somebody new if I'm talking about a relationship right or else that's not gonna happen you know it's just a risk that I have to be willing to take.

SPEAKER_02 38:40

Yeah you know um at the end of the day like your ability to not trust someone is going to affect you more than it's gonna protect you. Like yes okay we can't like trust everybody but like you really do have to look for the signs and the effort and the things in front of you and really make that decision.

SPEAKER_00 39:02

Of course totally and listen it's it's hard to trust somebody especially when you've been broken in the past or you've been I'm sorry um you've been burned in the past by somebody um because you all you trusted and they and they betrayed you right it's hard and it's okay to be cautious at the same time like we also I can't sit here and be like yeah just like open up your arms to everybody like don't do that. No like also like I get it we don't want to be naive at the same time right like it's okay to be cautious and you should be cautious to an extent because you are protecting something that is really valuable which is your heart and your peace of mind. So it's okay to be cautious but don't overdo it you know for sure don't self-sabotage at the same time you know be cautious be aware but see people for who they are and what they're showing you whether that's good or bad see what you have in front of you not what your brain is telling you you know like people will show you who they are they really will but you just have to be looking for it you know what I mean you need to rely on your your evidence rather than your emotion like you you really need to look for that like is there signs that are telling me hey this is someone I should not trust or is it you like is is it you telling yourself like hey everything is uncertain and I'm scared and maybe that's a sign of like hey maybe that's something you need to work on inside but like with other people take precaution yeah take precaution but then also if there's no signs that like they're giving you that you know it's all gonna go down south then maybe like we can peel back a little bit like relax a little bit. Yeah break down that wall little by little yeah little by little yeah day by day sure day by day it's one step at a time um and yeah and you'll be okay yeah yeah um well I think that's it for our episode today nothing if you guys have any personal stories um about trust not trusting somebody when your trust has been broken um we really wanna and would love to start sharing your stories on this podcast and um just to like hear you guys out and it's kind of nice to be able to hear a story that you can relate to sometimes. So yeah we encourage you guys to do that. But that's pretty much it for pretty much it for today. All right thanks for tuning in guys we'll see you next time on In Session with Matt and Ange.

SPEAKER_01 42:01

Bye