Men's Health Cover Model Winner: 'I Was Doing Cocaine the Night I Won'

Featuring Kirk Miller
Instagram: @kirkmiller_
Built To Last: https://kirkmiller.co.uk

In this episode of the Live More Podcast, I sit down with Kirk Miller, winner of Men's Health's Cover Model Competition in 2010 and the most-featured man in Men's Fitness history, to talk about something most people watching the fitness industry never get told: what it actually felt like on the inside while he looked like that on the outside.

Kirk makes a point early on that stuck with me. The night he won Men's Health, in a club with the whole finalist team, he was in the bathroom doing cocaine. Not because he was living badly on the surface, he had the six-pack, the covers, the sponsorships, but because his internal confidence had never caught up to his external image. That gap, between how you look and how you actually feel, is the entire premise of the conversation.

We get into the physiology and the psychology of it. Kirk was strict all week and self-destructive every weekend for most of his 20s, and still kept the same physique, which he uses as proof that looking lean tells you almost nothing about what's actually going on underneath, emotionally or metabolically. From there we cover identity, belief systems, the specific coaching framework he built after being released by Coventry City, and why he now believes physical confidence is only one of six pillars that actually determine whether change lasts.

In this episode:

- Why he turned down Manchester United at 13, and what getting released by Coventry City 7 years later taught him about identity
- The night he won Men's Health while doing cocaine in a club toilet, and why he shares it publicly
- The difference between physical confidence and emotional confidence, and why one without the other collapses
- His 6 Built To Last pillars: purpose, structure, physical confidence, emotional confidence, perseverance, and environment
- A practical 4-quadrant exercise for identity, beliefs, evidence and action you can do today
- Why looking the same physique for over a decade doesn't mean you're metabolically or emotionally healthy
- What coaching actor Jacob Scipio (Bad Boys) taught him about mindset over physique
- His direct advice on how to actually get someone you love to change, without it becoming a nagging match

Key takeaway:

A six-pack is not proof of health. Kirk built and kept his for over 25 years while privately unwell, emotionally and, by his own account, physiologically. The work that actually lasts happens in the gap between how you look and how you feel, and most people never address it until it costs them something.

About Kirk Miller

Kirk is a performance coach, speaker, and winner of Men's Health's Cover Model Competition, and has appeared on the cover of Men's Fitness more times than any other man. He spent his teenage years as a professional football apprentice at Coventry City before being released, then worked as a plumber before winning Men's Health at 26. He has since built Built To Last, a coaching programme for founders and high performers structured around 6 pillars, purpose, structure, physical confidence, emotional confidence, perseverance and environment, and has been mentored by Tony Robbins and Brendon Burchard. He hosts The Kirk Miller Podcast, now over 200 episodes deep.

Learn more about Built To Last: https://kirkmiller.co.uk/programme/

Connect with me

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Transcript

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SPEAKER_01 0:00

I turned down Manchester United at thirty.

SPEAKER_00 0:01

But she's Would you say that was one of your biggest regrets? I'm in the toilet doing cocaine. I'm on the Trunk of Rover magazine. One can look and appear lean, but be metabolically compromised still underneath. You can look physically healthy.

SPEAKER_01 0:15

Yeah, as I'm testament to be terribly emotionally unhealthy. And also have things like your blood markers and liver all over the shop. One in two people get cancer. So if you're not looking at your blood, you're not looking at your metrics. Shooting blind. I've had a six-pack now from the age of 15 to maybe 43. Similar rate. Right, right. Yeah, yeah. And irrelevant of that six-pack and being in shape externally without the inner work and without purpose and without the right relationships, without some of the pillars that we can unpack today. There will always be a gap in how you feel. It's maybe the coachman today. If you know your heart, there's another gear inside of you. Stop, don't waste time.

SPEAKER_00 0:59

Welcome, Kirk Miller, to the Livermore Podcasts. Where we focus on peak human performance, health optimization, and longevity. It's a pleasure and honor to have you here today. You're most well known for winning the men's health cover model composition back in 2010. But there is a journey and a story from that point in time to where you are now, to where you've built Built to Last to amazingly successful business today. Love to learn more about that and the ethos at Built to Last. And I know you spent some time at Coventry Football Club as a professional football apprentice. The initial dream, yep. Would love to hear more about that time of your life. And then you spent five years as a plumber, I believe, where you rediscovered fitness.

SPEAKER_01 1:49

I give any aspirational tradesman hope that if if I could become a qualifying gas engineer, then anybody can because I had zero passion for it. It was a job to pay my bills, play it safe, always have an income because everyone needs a tradesman. This isn't bad-mouthing tradesmen because I've got friends who are in the industry doing amazing things, but you're relevant to what you earn. If you don't like how you're earning your money, which I didn't, then you get paid all the money in the world and you're not going to be happy. Uh but as you just shared, the men's health club model competition 2010. And I actually think, Rob, if you think back to around that time and if you compare it to men's health magazines now, I don't think they have that competition anymore.

SPEAKER_00 2:35

No, I don't think they do. No, and and back in the day, there were thousands and thousands of people applying for this. It was a time where Instagram wasn't a thing. It was so that that that it was a big deal.

SPEAKER_01 2:46

I love men's health back then, and it's not to say I don't love it now because it look it's an amazing magazine that I really credit for getting me out of a sticky spot as will impact on this podcast as best I can today. Really, a period when I was lacking direction with who I was, who I'm trying to be. Uh so I owe it an awful, awful lot. I I did prefer mental health back in the day when it had the everyday person on the front cover, you know, and it the normal job. And I used to look at that magazine and think, God off, my body's as good as that guy. Kurt Miller, the council of state commentary kid, didn't quite believe he was good enough. It was imposter syndrome, myself worth my internal confidence, as we're going to talk about today, right, was nowhere near what I showed on the front end. Uh, because one of the reasons I'm so passionate about what I do now inside Built to Last, and I think it's why we clicked even over the message. I want to help transform someone's life far beyond a six-pack and an external confidence because I'm I'm the guy that's been on the front cover of that men's health in 2010 and was anything but confident. Think about all the millions of people or thousands of people around the world that would have bought that magazine looking at my body, looking at that guy with the smile, with the six pack, going that is health, that's how I want to look. Which I'm not patting that down because I also believe to be a high performer and to be truly emotionally content, you need to be in shape, or I believe if you're not in shape, you'd be even happier in shape and being happy with your external confidence. But I don't believe it's enough. I can say that through first hand that I've had a six-pack now from the age of 15 to nearly 43, similar age, right? Yeah, yeah, and irrelevant of that six-pack and being in shape externally without the inner work and without purpose, and without the right relationships, without some of the pillars that we can impact today, there will always be a gap in how you feel versus how you want to feel, and by direct correlation, that'll impact relationships, it'll impact professional purpose and all the other things you value in life. So, yeah, I've had a lot of ups and downs, but I don't want to ignore the fact that that that was a massive moment in my life that I'm immensely grateful to the ment's health team because that was a catalyst to get me out of that hole as a plumber where I was just lacking direction and I had anything but hope for the future. I think one of the most demoralizing things for people, whatever stage of life you're at, is not having clarity or hope for the future. That's where people fall into depression, and uh that's why I'm so obsessed in influencing any anyone I I work with or who I have access to influence if I can change and if I can do certain things then anybody can.

SPEAKER_00 5:51

I think you make a really important point. Um intrinsics versus extrinsics. Umtrinsics are so much more valuable and powerful and being internally happy and internally successful versus the city.

SPEAKER_01 6:08

I think you need success. I think you need both. I've been coaching founders, entrepreneurs around the world now for the last top level, 10 years in particular. But I've been in the coaching space for the best part of two decades, been in professional sport at Coventry City before that, which will impact because you got released there. So I've been around a lot of high performers, been a lot been around a lot of elite-level athletes, world-class, on paper, founders, entrepreneurs, business leaders, you've got the money, got the car, got the status, got that nice linked in bio. But when you work with that many people, you see cracks. But if someone isn't content with who they are internally, and they're not living with purpose, it doesn't matter what car you have, what watch you have, or what you show on the front end, 100%, you'll you'll you'll self-medicate in different ways, you'll ruin relationships, you'll you'll self-destruct, and you'll forever be chasing external things to fulfill your needs if your internal dialogue, beliefs, emotional well-being, etc. isn't isn't fulfilled and you're not living in accordance to your values. And there's zero judgment on any of this. And there's a reason why I have six specific pillars in built to last which we can unpack today because I believe without one of them that's likely to show up in your behaviour, your energy, your confidence, uh simply how you feel. So yeah, and the story's definitely shaped uh the ethos at which we coach and the things I love to talk about.

SPEAKER_00 7:46

So beyond the aesthetics, which you're most well known for, obviously being you know the front cover winner of men's health back in 2010. I think you're also on the cover of men's fitness more than anyone else.

SPEAKER_01 8:03

Yeah, uh so so I I think I'm I think I'm one of the only people when I won that men's health competition that got two front covers off one shoot. I don't believe anyone's ever done that since. I don't say that from a place of ego, I was just lucky because what they did during that competition it was the first time they wanted to test the mortar to see if a guy and a girl on the front cover of men's health would also work. So there was actually two covers that were on the shelf globally, one with just me, hands clasped as you see at the top of my Instagram. There's a shot of me in my 40s doing the same shot because I wanted to share two different kirks, even though they look the same. And then there was another one with me and a lovely, lovely girl who they just wanted to test that. So I got two covers off that, and that was a catalyst to retrain as a personal trainer, try and get myself out of the hole I was in in terms of plumbing. Yeah, and that also led to record covers with men's fitness sponsorship with some global brands such as Grenade, My Protein, Better Bodies, big Swedish brand, and also been on the billboards of stuff of bot of do you remember the exhibition shows like Body Power and things like that? So they had me as the as the poster boy there I say with with a very, very bad fake tan. Again, because I was riddled because I was riddled with insecurity internally back then. I'd battered the sunbeds, I'd battered the fake tans, and because I'd attached my whole self-worth that time or confidence to how I looked, it was just anything possible to look a certain way. Just being totally honest here, Rob, because I was fucking terrified of going back to plumbing. It was I'd attach my whole beliefs at the time, going, I need to be in phenomenal shape, I need to be done, you know, because I don't want to go back to that plumbing job that I went fell into or felt uh I needed to do after I got let as a footballer. So yeah, I was able to travel the world, do some amazing things, and that that helps exposure and stuff. But there's one thing being in shape, having a great six-pack, and knowing how to train hard, eat well, I've had to develop my skills and become a lot more valuable in so many other areas if I'm truly gonna do what I really love most, and that is transforming lives.

SPEAKER_00 10:23

Absolutely. I think you shared a post of obviously when you won the men's health competition, you were 26 at the time, yeah, and then you shared another post to make a point. So when you were 26 and you won the men's health model competition, you said you went through 10 weeks of extreme dieting, and then at 38 you went through like a week of binge eating, like really badly, and then um you managed to pretty much maintain the same shape. So I think that shows that one can look and appear lean, but be metabolically compromised still underneath.

SPEAKER_01 11:05

Yeah. 100%. I mean, if I look back at my my knowledge, and I think this is where there's so many people who've exploded in on my coaching and media platforms who they don't know enough to just to on the broader scale of what it actually takes to help someone become healthier because you can look physically healthy, yeah, as I'm a testament to be terribly emotionally unhealthy, and also have things like your blood markers and liver all over the shop. Um, I mean, look, we've come so far in terms of diagnostics, awareness around blood work, as we spoke about before we kicked this podcast off from my mid-20s in particular, right? There's so much more awareness. Um I was a living example in my 20s and early 30s, maybe, but definitely in my 20s, of someone who had the body, but because I was lacking purpose, lacking direction, didn't understand the wounds that I needed to heal internally, I was still self-destructing at the weekend. I mean, look, I was single as well, so you still haven't fluff it up. I I I liked attractive ladies and and and holidays with guys and stuff, so I thought I needed to look a certain way, and I loved having fun. I was a typical binge drinker. But if you look at binge drinking and also the hangover food, the the the sugar, the the the all the garbage that comes with drinking yourself into oblivion and and full transparency. You know, I'm not here to hide and present this story of invincibility either. You know, with my story, you know, I was also uh doing recreational drugs at the weekend as well. Um it's no coincidence that I started doing that three weeks after I get released from Coventry as a footballer, right? As will impact that was down to a lack of purpose and identity. I didn't know who it was, and then I fell into the wrong environment, blah blah blah. Anyway, coming back to your point, hopefully this resonates with a lot of people. Yeah, because I think a lot of people sometimes look at people like me on social media and they look at people in shape and go, God, this guy's must be living perfect and is the pitcher of health. Um, I was anything but that because during the week I might have lived like an absolute disciplined, inadvertently a bodybuilder, I suppose, right from the weekend. It was an absolute mess. And I think the only reason I looked the way I did during the 20s was because I was so strict during the week. And my primary self-medicating tool was the gym, it was excessive cardio, it was extreme dieting. So I had the ability, no matter how bad my two weekdays at the weekend were in terms of eating shit and drinking, I was so strict during the week. And my one area of control in my life during that period was cardio and controlling my food.

SPEAKER_00 14:13

That's how I stayed looking a certain way, but it wasn't health. Would you say that that the gym in that scenario was an unhealthy outlet because you took it to an extreme, dieting became an extreme?

SPEAKER_01 14:26

Look, I've I've got friends who got released as footballers, and this is where it's subject to opinion, maybe on what is what is a better self-medicating tool when you know, picture the scene. I get released in a 30-second conversation with Gary McAllister, famous ex Scotland International, I've done everything in professional football that I wanted to do. And when you've had this aspiration of being a footballer and you've got this vision, clear purpose, clear sense of direction that this is what I'm gonna do, who I'm gonna be, and then it's gone within a short conversation. The best part I do decades of going, that's that's that's what I'm gonna do. It's only when you're in that situation, and that happens, and for the first time in your life, well, for me anyway, it was the first time I got my life get told I'm not good enough. Nothing can really prepare you for what you're gonna do and how you're gonna react because there was no support system, there was no guidance, there was no mentors, there was no people, no one sitting me down at that period, in my opinion, giving me what I really needed, which was Kirk. Hey, this hasn't worked out, but let's evaluate what did you love most about being a footballer? What are your values? And what are the patterns that you notice from those answers? And what other careers, if you're not going to continue with football, are going to be aligned to those values that even if you're not going to be a footballer, you're gonna be able to meet your needs and excel and have the same passion, even though it's not in football. Guess what? If someone would have sat me down then, I'd probably be doing similar similar to what I'm doing now, but that was too obvious back then. Okay, so coming back to your question, because I think this is important to add some context. You said to me, was that basically an unhealthy addiction? Maybe, but I also dread to think of if it wasn't the gym, that's my initial self-message. What would it have been? Because some of my friends bless some who played football, their thing wasn't the gym. Luckily, I enjoyed the gym whilst I was professional footballer, but there were so many guys who only did it because they had to. You get taken as a group session, right? So many of them, because they hadn't dealt with their emotional wounds, there was nothing as a support system when you get led out of that training round. Many of them they weren't just drinking at the weekend, they're drinking during the week, and they weren't just eating junk at the weekend, they're eating junk during the week for many years, and you see them a few years later, they're big, they're overweight. So I'm not saying it was ideal because obviously that came as a consequence, and I was effectively over-training, under-eating during the week. But but for me, I maybe had to go through that to now have the ability. I believe one of the biggest superpowers as a coach is very, very quickly identifying what the real problem is when someone is unhealthy, they're struggling with their weight, or they're struggling to stay consistent with their habits towards their physical, mental, or emotional identity they're trying to work towards. If I hadn't gone through these periods of diet in the wrong way or more extreme, or overtraining versus now having a much clearer balanced structure, dare I say it. If I hadn't gone through that, I wouldn't be the coach I am today, or be able to share my message of guess what? I've been in shape the wrong way or more aggressive way, and I'm in shape now a more complementary way to my life as a 42-year-old man, as a partner, as a father, as a leader within my business, as a leader to my community and team. That's where experience for me is absolutely as invaluable as any course that I've ever been on, and every mentor I've ever had. It's been there, got the t-shirt, but having the awareness through mentors, why did I behave that way? Why did I think that way? And that's why I've been absolutely obsessed, Rob, in not just learning the fundamentals of teaching clients how to train, eat, move, sleep well, get their steps in, etc. What are the other things that can be shaping your behaviour and causing you to self-destruct? Basically, do the things you know you should be doing, or basically not do the sorry, not following through on what you know you should be doing is more aligned to your outcome because a lot of people know what they should be doing, they don't do it and they don't know why. And I could I can share some thoughts on that some of my pillars.

SPEAKER_00 18:57

So in terms of identity, do you think there was a almost a loss of identity when you were let go from Coventry and you were trying to redefine who is Kirk Miller in a sense? It's a great question.

SPEAKER_01 19:11

It wasn't just about redefining my identity, I'd attach my whole identity to being a professional footballer. It was what I did, not who I was, right? And if you look at the amount of professional athletes, not just footballers, whether they stop at 20 or 35, even some of the most well-known names globally they too face the same struggles when they've got this vehicle in the form of that sport that's meeting their needs. Certainty, variety, uh love connection, significance, growth, contribution. When you've got this vehicle that's meeting six human needs, and I know there's more, but they're the primary six, and you're getting all this acceptance and it's giving you structure, purpose, meaning, and everyone that's taken away. So that for me it was there were just so many things that happened all at once a lack of purpose literally overnight. And this comes onto my build to last pillars. Sorry if I veer off here in 55 directions, but I've got six pillars in build to last. Right. Okay. And this is where these six pillars come from. I've gone from you know football. Overnight it's gone. When you don't lack when you when you just when you lack purpose, it doesn't matter how you look, you can't be emotionally healthy. 100%. Pillar number two, structure. Many many founders, high performers. Without a sense of certainty, without a roadmap, without without a plan. Okay. When you've had that as a professional athlete, where you know what time you're turning up to train, you've got your matches, you've got you've got your routines, then it's gone. No structure on top of purpose. It doesn't bode well when you're an all-or-nothing character, which many entrepreneurs and athletes label themselves as I'm all in, I'm all or nothing. That doesn't fucking work when it comes to your health. So those there's two pillars. The third pillar is physical confidence. Thankfully, I've always had that in one form or other because my safety net was always my shape, especially during that period as you've unpacked, where I'm lacking purpose, lacking direction. What is the one area that I can create control with that I was still getting attention and pats on the back? Kirk's got the body, got the six pack. So when you've got um no hope for the future, you're missing structure and you question who you are, bang, I could control the physical confidence. So physical Conference for me is knowing how to train and move, how much you should eat, what you should eat, and your recovery. Okay, your core drivers, your fundamental core drivers to keep you healthy, energized, mobile, whatever physical confidence looks like to you, because I think everyone has a different meaning on what that is. For some people, physical confidence is I want to look great. Some people just want to be really mobile, some people want to be super strong, some people want to know every single marker in their body, so they're gonna live longer, live better, and all of these are important. Would you agree? Everyone has a different hierarchy on what physical confidence means to them. 100%. But I I believe no matter who you are, how old you are, whether you want to be lean, fit, fast, strong, I know I'm preaching to the choir here. I don't care how much you earn, how much of a value you place on being lean, being healthy. The brutal reality is if you don't have physical confidence in your asset, this vehicle that we've been blessed to have, right? At some point, you are going to be faced with horrible fact that you're gonna probably want to pay every single penny back to fix that if you're on you're on your deathbed, you get hit with a disease, or your quality of life is hindered because you weren't looking after your body. Okay, so physical confidence is number three, emotional confidence is number four. Why? Because I've had physical confidence my whole life. This is where my story is important, but I'm on the phone cover of Men's Health, a magazine that thousands of people at the time would like to have been on, let alone bought. And I'm arguably at the lowest internal emotional confidence place in my life. That night I won men's health, and I've said this on other podcasts, again, I'm so honest, and hopefully it's not too much for you listen, hopefully it's not too much for your listeners, but the night I won men's health competition, we're in a nightclub with the men's health team with the the seven finalists and the girls who were also part of the team of finalists. And if there was one night I didn't want to fuck around with drugs, it was then after a few drinks. Had a couple of friends from Coventry, my willpower shot, and and it was a habit that time, and I was just I was lost. So even though I had the body. What were you taking? Out of curiosity. Coca. Wow, yeah. I'm in the toilet doing cocaine. I'm on the front cover of a magazine, and and it sounds quite sad, but I believe me sharing so openly and honestly about that that that particular night is so so important because I think there are so many coaches, influencers, anyone with a media prep uh presence who maybe they don't have something as extreme as that, but they they they they share the best highlights and what you should do, but I'm willing to share the things that I've spoken about enough because I've had what a lot of people think they want for all these years, but I needed to work on what I really needed to work on to be at peace, not just the how I looked, but more importantly, how I felt and performed, of course, as a byproduct. So that's why for me emotional confidence is super important, and because coming back to my story again, you said was it down to injuries? I didn't make it as a footballer. I had a lot of injuries, a lot of footballers. But the the number one reason I did not reach my potential as a footballer was my belief systems and my emotional confidence. Because as you as you go up the hierarchy in football, you're training with the reserves, first team. That the generally the margins for error are so small, and it's a mentality at that point. And I remember giving the ball away my first training match with uh to sorry, I remember giving the ball away my first training session to Gary McCallistay, who was the first team manager. I passed the ball to his right foot about a yard away, and he could have stepped onto it. He stopped the training session and literally said, I'm not gonna do a Scottish accent, or maybe I'll try. What the fuck is that? Looked at me like a piece of shit, uh, but it was a test, right? And I crumbled, I did not want the ball after that. Whereas if my emotional confidence and belief systems were I'll brush it off, it happens, that could be the difference of maybe then getting the ball again, passing to Gary McAllister or even smashing it, basically just not putting him or the other first teamers on a pedestal. That could have been the thing again that is a difference between getting a contract and making it versus retreating and hiding because of my belief systems. And and and I honestly believe, I know I'm veering off here, but I think it's important that so many founders, so many business leaders, so many high performers are masking genuine confidence through what they show 100% on social media platforms and the cars, the fancy watches. In my case, it was a six-pack, but they're masking confidence and they're masking who they really are because they haven't done the internal work. I'll say this time and time again, and I know I'm preaching to the choir here, right? Is that the the reason why the quick fix transformation model is absolutely fucking flawed. Irrelevant how fast you drop fat and you look in a certain period, if your emotional identity and belief systems are not aligned to that shape that you've created, you will revert back to the level of shape, weight, strength that you believe you're worth faster than it probably took you to transform. There's one thing shifting, there's one thing changing physically, but if your emotional identity doesn't mirror up to that, or at least working towards that, then I've just seen so many people transform go backwards, and I think it's one of the biggest reasons why people don't transform.

SPEAKER_00 28:31

When you say internal work, I think part of that was to do with finding your purpose. How would you define internal work in your in your perspective in terms of what you had to do to get to a much more emotionally stronger position and identity?

SPEAKER_01 28:53

Yeah, so it's again great question. So uh I I think there's two predominant areas that we can talk about, and I can give you some practical examples, or if you're listening, some practical examples, if you're at that place where you sort of know what to do or think you know what you need to do to let's just say look a certain way, weigh a certain weight, have that physical identity you want, and you're not doing it. Firstly, address whether or not you are you are living in accordance to your values, whether you've got a clear vision for what you want in life, in relationships. Are you clear on what you actually want with your body? What is the outcome you're there to work towards? Because without a clear vision, then you might have spurts of motivation to implement the habits you need to do. But if you can't break down by being healthy, being energized, being confident, how that's going to support the key areas of life you value most and your life vision, then that motivation won't wane. So I think one of the best things you can do is first of all, break down your values. What do you value? Not just what you think you should value, but look at how you're living. And a great exercise is look at your calendar over the next couple of days. Look at how many meetings, how many people you're choosing to spend time with are aligned to your values. It's going to be yes or no. Literally, go through your calendar and ask yourself is this aligned to my values, or am I people pleasing, or am I saying yes to things and people that I know I shouldn't be doing? The reason why that's so important when it comes to behaviour change, if you've got too many things in your calendar, too many people in your calendar that are not moving you forward 100%.

SPEAKER_00 30:42

They say you're the sum of the five people that you hang or if you play the switch.

SPEAKER_01 30:52

Then you're spending too much time with people who draw you down, or energy drainers rather than energy chargers, your needs cannot possibly be met, and you cannot be living with purpose. 100%. That is going to have a direct correlation on your emotions, which then have a direct correlation on your habits and behaviour. Yeah? So that is the first port of call and why it's our first main pillar. Know what you want, why it matters, and look at your calendar and ask yourself, are you living like doing that? As much as possible. We all have to do stuff as we're building businesses and building relationships, right, that aren't a part of the script and we don't really like doing. But if you look at 168 hours in your week, minus sleep, and you're looking at your calendar, and you're dreading every meeting, every conversation, don't be surprised if you self-destruct the way I did in my 20s. So you see how this all links together now? Absolutely, right? Because Kirk, the footballer, had gone from looking at my calendar, not that I had one, but I knew most days I'm doing something I loved with people that inspired me, that were aligned to my values. And overnight, 80 to 90% of my week was being replaced with things that I didn't like to do, spending time with people that we had totally misalignment of values. So my needs aren't being met. So I then find a way to meet my needs through disempowering ways at the weekend, drink, drugs, destructive relationships, and the common denominator is purpose, values. The other thing alongside that, of course, you asked about uh emotions and self-worth. There's three things for me that make up having more control over your emotional confidence, outside of physical confidence, of course, because look, they feed each other. If you're physically in shape, that can be for some people the first port call to create momentum with emotional confidence. I'm just saying it's not enough. I'm just saying it's not enough to make it permanent. Yeah. Without an awareness of your emotional well-being, do you suppress or express your emotions? Basically, do you bottle up how you feel? Okay. Secondly, your belief systems they shape your identity. Your identity is nothing but a bunch of beliefs about who you believe you are and who you believe others perceive you to be. Yeah. Okay. It makes me think of mind, body, spirit, connection. How okay, if if we know that your habits are going to be aligned to your beliefs, right? Ask yourself right now in relation to the body you want, the shape you want, your physical identity, are your current belief systems aligned to that? Are they outdated? Are you still being controlled by those beliefs by the kid at school who said you were fat, you were overweight, you were good enough, or the first time you got your heart broken? Dare I say it, and this might hit a nerve, but there's no judgment, because my family two have struggled with that weight their whole life, right? Are your beliefs aligned to your overweight parents that didn't have an awareness on health, didn't have value on health? But a lot of these beliefs, if they're that hardwired for a number of decades, the good news is if you condition these beliefs, you can decondition these beliefs, right? And I'll give you a more specific uh example on on how to identify your beliefs in relation to your identity in the second. The third thing that I believe shapes emotional confidence is your emotional consistency. You can't be physically consistent if you're emotionally inconsistent. That's a good point. Your state drives your decisions. And your decisions shape how you look, how you feel, how you perform. Think about this in business. Your business is made up of a bunch of decisions. Many people are making many, many successful entrepreneurs are brilliant at making great decisions in business because they can control their state. And I'm saying if you've done it in business, you can do it with your health and fitness. But a lot of the time, people look at business in one box, health in another box. If you've got evidence in your life that you can demonstrate consistency, control, be reactive, be proactive in your business, you have the traits, you've got evidence. So how can you inherit those and transfer them to your health and fitness?

SPEAKER_00 35:34

I think you've alluded to this throughout the conversation, but how would you differentiate between what is fit and what is healthy in terms of the difference between fitness and health and the importance in differentiating between the two? Because it sounds like you went from a journey of thinking solely focusing on fitness to being healthy, yeah, which encompasses mind, body, spirit connection.

SPEAKER_01 36:00

Yeah, yeah. Well, well, you you can be physically healthy, you can look physically strong, you can be physically very fit, but you can feel emotionally heavy. Emotionally broken, you can feel emotionally heavy, you can feel like you are having to do what I did, which was beat yourself up, live in the gym to stay in shape, which at some point, from a longevity perspective, is totally unsustainable. Wear and tear is going to affect us all. Yeah. As I sit here today, I'm bone on bone on my right hip because I played decades of football and I've done lots of sport. So you imagine how much internal external rotation I've done and repetition. Okay, that's even with my knowledge. The amount of ex-footballers, tennis players, martial artists, boxers that need hip replacements due to uh overuse, of course, over the years is astronomical. So, what I'm trying to say is Father Tom catches up with everybody at some point, especially if you've been a professional athlete. So if you feel like you need to live in the gym to stay in shape, and even even though I think it's amazing for connection and community and performance, like things like high rocks, right? You you you cannot continually beat yourself up for a number of years as your if as your only way to get and stay in shape, you know, you're gonna put moles on the clock, and again it's gonna affect you at some point. And then you said they're about the soul. So we spoke about physical health, we spoke about emotional health, but your soul, as woo-woo as it sounds, if you're not living in accordance to purpose and you're not living in accordance to your values, and you're not making a difference by what you're doing on a daily basis, you're gonna feel that, and the people around you are gonna feel that, irrelevant of what you you know, what you show. So um, I think there's many facets to health. You you can't just rely on physical, you can't just rely on emotional. Because I equally believe, Rob, that there's a lot of emotional well-being gurus out there, NLP gurus that have done a course for four days and intensive, and they've got one NLP four level four qualified, but you look at them and they're an absolute mess. So I I really believe as we evolve and we've got this beautiful uh acceleration in knowledge and and and technology and stuff that you know you work in in particular, that we've got more awareness than ever around blood work. One thing I didn't touch on your internal metrics. Absolutely, yeah. Yeah, forgive me for not mentioning, of course, your internal metrics, you can have a strong exterior if you're not getting your blood work done, and you've got no awareness on what's going on beneath the bonnet. You could have an underlying issue around your test levels, your cholesterol, some of the deeper stuff. Touchy subjects like cancer and biomarkers around that. One in two people get cancer. So if you're not looking at your blood, you're not looking at your metrics, you're shooting blind. I don't know about you, but I don't want to take that chance. 100%. Irrelevant of my six pack and how strong I can lift and how fast I can run, still baffles me. How many people do not get the blood work check regularly? So we've got physical, we've got emotional, we've got internal diagnostics, 100%, and we've got soul. And look, you might have a bigger value on one or a couple of those, but don't ignore something you know is affecting how you feel and how you live, you know. Um, because at some point it will cost you in business, at some point it'll cost you in your relationship, at some point it will cost you just energetically, you'll feel off in some way. So we've never had more opportunity, of course, to explore these options, but um, 26-year-old cook was totally oblivious to that. That's where you just got to get better, you've got to stay in your lane. I not sit here and say I know it all. Uh, everyone has their thing that they're more obsessed about. For me, I'm absolutely obsessed in identity, it's probably guessed because it's my identity that let me down, and my belief systems that let me down at pivotal moments in my life, and also it's identity that stops people truly being who they want to be, and by default not having the impact they truly want to make, and living with a freedom that deep down in the heart they really want to live with. True freedom is being who you want to be, being unapologetically you in any situation, being 100% your authentic self-1 million, million percent. Because if you are authentically you and you can be in the shape you want to be for you, and have the level of confidence and energy that you want for you, and the impact you you want to make, there's not one area of life that will not fail to improve or you will have more fulfillment in if you are yourself. There's nothing more powerful than being unop there's nothing more powerful than being unapologetically you in any situation. I could agree because I too I think it's a big problem, but again, there's zero judgment. I think so many people pleasers in life, done it myself when you're people please and continually put other people's needs before your own, whether it's in relationships, business, even in friendship groups, then you you'll you'll you'll you'll feel it and you you cannot truly be fulfilled if you're putting other people's needs before your own too too too much.

SPEAKER_00 41:42

Absolutely, yeah. What would you say you're most proud of? Because what you're probably most well known for, which is cover winner of men's health in 2010, is probably not what you may want to be known for. Changing lives. I can sorry to interrupt there.

SPEAKER_01 42:00

Yeah, changing lives. Love that. It's changing lives. Look, the the the covers helped, especially in my 20s and my early 30s, attract attention, attract sponsors, and be a credibility source, of course, when people are scanning different 100 coaches, who they're gonna trust, the guy that's been in shape for 30 years, also been associated with some brands, had the covers, all that stuff that helps, but that doesn't make you a great coach, doesn't help you transform lives. So the number one thing I want to be known for outside of being a great dad, great family man, is I get people the confidence to believe that anything is possible, and as my brand built to last stands for create lasting change. So, no matter how many times people have tried, failed with their physical health, their confidence, whatever it is is important to them when it comes to their identity perspective, that when people work with us or even listen to the free content that I share, even if you don't work with us, I genuinely genuinely made a difference. And I genuinely give a shit. And anyone who's ever worked with me, come to my events, will tell you that um I care deeply about people, and if someone's going to trust me with their investment, then I I I don't want to waste their money or our time. If people really want to change, then I believe the system we've built, the infrastructure, and also the depth of awareness in terms of not being one-dimensional with with our approach. I can safely say that we changed lives. And if you look at a lot of the testimonials from what we do, Rob, yes, of course, the hook visually might be the fat loss, the six pack that a 50 year old has got for the first time in his life. If you look at the common denominator of what a lot of people say, Kirk built to less, it's changed my life. And that's that's for me super important to me. In particular.

SPEAKER_00 43:55

What was your interaction with uh Tony Robbins? Because I believe I think. You're mentored by Tony Robinson.

SPEAKER_01 44:01

I've done lots of his courses. Um, Tony Robbins, there was a course in particular, ironically, called Creating Lasting Change, which uh played a huge part in understanding human behavior even more. Why people do what they do. This first step, for example, is understanding someone's world. Yeah. You can't influence someone if you don't understand what's already influencing someone. So coming back to my point, if you're listening to this and you're scratching your head, I don't really want to change. I want to know there's another gear. You have to understand your own world. And if you struggle to do that, you need to seek help in someone who can help you understand your own world. Are you living according to your values? Are you clear on your purpose? Are you or do you have a healthy relationship with your emotions? 100%. Are you sure what your beliefs are? Everything we do is patterns, right? Tony talks about this. If we know that a life is a bunch of patterns that we repeat and they're either going to serve us or self-sabotage, cause us to self-sabotage, are you clear on what these patterns are that are shaping the whole trajectory of your life? Which patterns are not serving you right now. So look at the areas of your life that you feel a little bit out of sync with. Ask yourself, what is your expectation in that area of what I want? And what are your are your actions, habits, and environmental line to that? If the answer's no, change your expectations or your actions, habits, and behaviour, or more granularly identify what the patterns that you keep repeating that deep down in your heart you know you should be repeating. Okay. Um, so yeah, Tony's stuff was amazing. Also done some uh work with Brendan Bashard, brilliant high performance coach, you know, founder of performance habits. Yeah, I did his uh top-tier course. I've also worked with a brilliant emotional well-being expert. I know Gary, our friend Gary Rhodes, who introduced us, uh Richard Moet, world-class emotional well-being expert as well. Had some brilliant business mentors, and you might think it's something to do with health and fitness, but becoming better at business, and I've spent hundreds of thousands on Phil Graham in particular by having a better model, better systems, and the community that I didn't have before I worked with Phil that's allowed me to help more people at scale and play to my strengths more as a leader and as a coach because you can't do everything yourself, and I've learned the hard way so many times. So also as well, uh I know I've gone off on a tangent 55 different directions. You also trained Jacob Scipio in Rolls Bad Boys, yeah. Jacob's brilliant. So I've worked with Jacob now for about got me joked actually. I think it's been about eight years with Jacob, and it's been amazing to see Jacob's journey from the South London boy. I remember him doing his auditions. Acting with Will Smith and Martin. Yeah, yeah. So but even with Jacob, for anyone who doesn't know Jacob, you'll know about him very soon, if not already. He's he's gonna be well, he's he's he's gonna be a fucking superstar on a global stage. He has worked immensely hard to go from North London boy pitching himself for all these auditions. He may have shared this on his own podcast, and hopefully I'm gonna have to say this, but even when he got the gig with Will Smith for that bad boys, I think when he did the first interview, uh it was quite rushed, and he actually went back in and sort of broke the door down to say, No, you know, let me let me let me speak from the heart about why I should get this role. And and look, now he's the movies, he was on the front, uh he was on uh leading a premiere the other day. So, but the biggest thing with Jacob isn't just his his his health, his fitness, his training, his nutrition. I believe one of the biggest influences I have on Jacob, hopefully he'll vouch for this, is it's his mindset, it's making him believe that no matter how big the stage, no matter how many A-listers he's surrounded by, it's it's it's mindset, it's belief. And that is why, even if you listen to me this far, I cannot over-emphasize enough on the importance of working on your emotional muscle as well as your physical muscles 100%.

SPEAKER_00 48:17

Um interestingly, there was a study done in 2016 in the body image journal. So a lot of men who achieve their aesthetic goals, it didn't they didn't see any significant improvement in their self-esteem. Yeah, interestingly. So I think that kind of goes along with the theme of what we've been speaking about.

SPEAKER_01 48:39

Yeah, I mean there's a great framework that um I want to share because I don't just want to preach without giving people something actual they can do. And we went through this even last week. We did a Marbeira event, we do in-person events as well as part of our service, and I love bringing great people together in person connection. It is so powerful. If you're trying to transform your life, and we can speak about the last two pillars in a second, one of them is environment, which we have to speak about 100%. But a great exercise you can do if you've heard the word belief systems and identity, and for me, it can be very overwhelming, especially if that's not your thing, is uh get get a piece of paper and draw four boxes or say quadrants, hopefully that makes sense. Draw four boxes and draw a line in the middle of each two each of the boxes in the first box draw a line in the middle, on the left hand side, like current identity. Who do you see yourself as? Forget your job title. Who are you? If you were to describe yourself physically, mentally, emotionally to someone, or who do you believe others would describe you as? How would they describe you? How do you believe others perceive you to be? Write that down. Current identity. And in the right hand side, I desired identity. If you knew you couldn't fail, close your eyes when you do it. Who would you love to be? Are there any traits, descriptions of yourself that you would love to identify as? And in the next quadrant, so imagine top left you've got that. Hopefully I've explained this in the top right another box, right line down the middle. Draw line down the middle. The left hand side, current beliefs. Right hand side, required beliefs. In relation to your desired identity, when you write your current beliefs, how many of them support that identity and how many of them don't? And on the right hand side, write down what are the required beliefs that need to be aligned to that person. So for example, if someone would love to be desired, uh if someone would love to identify themselves as a consistent, healthy eater, okay, or let's just strip this back. If someone would love to identify as a lean, in-shape, energized, high performer, right? Bit wordy, but you get a context. Do your current beliefs support that? Or for some people, they their beliefs around food would be I am inconsistent around food. I'm inconsistent with with with my food, or I eat well sometimes, or I have a sweet tooth, or I'm on it off it with my food. That is a belief that's outdated and doesn't support that desired identity of trying to be a lean, confident, energized human. What is the the required belief to make that identity statement true? If you're trying to identify as someone who is lean, confident, healthy, in shape, one of your beliefs, even if you don't believe it right now, you need to put pen to paper with using the words I am, I am a consistent healthy eater. I am someone who eats healthy food daily. Okay. Then the the the third box, so that would be bottom left, right? Draw another line. On the left hand side, what is the current evidence? On the right hand side, right, what is the required evidence? So hopefully this is piecing together. First portal call, identity. Second portal call is beliefs. Then you need third box, which is evidence to support the beliefs that shape your identity. Because as Mr. Alex Hormosia shared, you can have all the affirmations and shout the incantations in the world. You need evidence to support that belief. 100%. Okay. But what is your current evidence that supports the identity you say you want? How many of those current pieces of evidence are more likely to make that identity happen? And what is the new required evidence that will guarantee it happens? So, if for many people, if you are trying to identify as someone who is consistently in shape, strong, energized, healthy, what are three to five pieces of non-negotiable evidence that would cement those beliefs to shape that identity? Just off the cuff with myself, I shared at the event that I want to be consistently in world class shape, full of confidence and energy year-round. Not just for a photo shoot. No, no. Right? 42, 43 September, right? But the world world class consistency, healthy, confident, energize resonate with me. It's meaningful to me. So the words you choose when it comes to identity have to really mean something to you. And there's a strong chance your desired identity is the opposite of the limitations that you once had with yourself. So if you've once been fat, your desired identity is probably fit-lean, right? Yeah. Okay. But you need to stack the evidence. Okay. And some people that they might need to focus more on beliefs. They might need to have more clarity with articulation of their identity. For some people, they might be crystal clear on I know what who I want to identify as. I know what my beliefs should be. But they just need to get more granular of what is the actual evidence that if I repeat this on a daily, weekly, monthly basis would make it undeniable that I'm going to become that person. Okay. Then the fourth box is what are the key actions and decisions you need to take? Okay. Who do you reach? Do you need to reach out to someone? Okay. What is the standout? What is the standout piece of action? What is the decision you need to make today? Right. Not tomorrow, today. Okay. And I I really believe it is as simple as that. Because think about how many people. Let's just relate this to business. Many people, if I was to ask them who they are, even you meet people at networking events and personal development events. Who are you? What do you do? They'll reel off their job title. They'll reel off their business. At some point, that job title, that business, was just an aspiration. Would you agree? They had to work towards shaping that identity or identifying as an entrepreneur, investor, trader, whatever it is. The reason they say that effortlessly is because the the the they've backed it up so much evidence over decades that that's just who they are. And if you do your business, you can do it with your health. That makes sense. Yeah. So I'm not trying to make anyone wrong or preach that I've got all the answers. I'm trying to say to you if you've got evidence in your life that you have achieved something around your identity, around your business, or maybe if within your family, that you didn't think that was possible once, or you had to push through limitations with your beliefs, you had to create and condition new evidence. If you've done it once, you can do it again. But the reason why purpose is so important in terms of having the consistent motivation to do that, you need to have the strong why. So I can give you that, I can give you that framework. Okay, this is what you do with your identity, make sure your beliefs and your evidence are aligned to that. But you get thrown curveballs all the time in life, in business, in family, because of wars, AI, politics. Okay, we're all going through that now. That is why the why is so important. Couldn't agree more. Because another practical exercise you can do if you're going. I've heard this before, Kirk. I know where I want to be, I know what my beliefs should be, I know what my evidence should be, I know how I should train, I know how much I should eat, how much what time I should go to bed, if you know all of that but you're not doing it, you haven't stacked enough emotional meaning on how by doing that your life will get better and those around you will likely benefit from. So one of the things you can do is identify who in your life or what in your life is most important. Many people listening to this, just been at a build to last event, a lot of people had similar-ish values. They say, I'm doing this for my kids, for my future, for my family. Okay, if that's your thing and that's your main value, your health, whichever facet of health is letting you down into water, whether it's around your energy, your physical vitality, your emotional self-worth write down 25 reasons minimum how you are more likely to create more freedom in your business, have a better relationship, better influence on your children if you are healthier, if you're more energized, if you're more confident. Stack as many reasons as possible. The reason why you need to do at least 25, and this is a Dr. D. Martini exercise, actually, so I wouldn't take credit for it, but it works. The first three to five are going to be surface level. Think about this, you probably did it yourself. I did this too. When I first went in the gym, if someone would have said to me, Why is this important? I want to look good. I want to be confident. But when you start getting granular on the the specific benefits and you stack those little things right now that might be being affected in your business, in your relationships, maybe with your energy, with your kid, whatever, when you can stack and get granular on the real impact things that you might be missing out on, or influence you might be able to have, or the extra influence, you'll find the motivation to implement the evidence to support the beliefs to shape that identity. So if you look at what we've covered, and that's why I think it's important to add context on the pillars, Rob, for some people, if they're a if they're in a bit of a sticky spot, and they're thinking, what do I focus on? Some people it might be purpose, some people it might be going deeper on the emotional stuff. Some people it might be I just need to start training harder. 100%. I just need to move my body. So as much as we've spoken a lot about the personal development side of things, for some people, the initial catalyst is I just need to get outside and move more. I need to control the amount of real food I put in my mouth, I need to get to bed before 11 o'clock, 12 o'clock. 100%. Does that make sense? Yeah. I'm just saying that over a this is why I believe I'm extremely qualified to say this. If you want consistent confidence, energy, and to feel like you are living in accordance to your values and who you want to be as a person over a period of decades, because life is changing all the time, it's not always going to be the same problem that you need to, or area that you need to focus on. Because life is changing all the time. That's why I talk about I think the seasons of life that we go through. Build Telasso want to help people live with confidence every season of life. When you start a business, different season, scale a business, different season, exit a business, different season. When you start a relationship, it's a different season. Get married, different season, more responsibility. Become a parent. When you're single, a different season. When you move in countries, evolving, you know, these things happen. And I feel and I feel because I've gone through these challenges myself, it's people's inability to adapt during different seasons of their life where the problems start to arise with people's health. And if they only know one way of doing something, whether it's where they're training their movement, their food, or managing their mind or their emotions, or identity, because we're constantly changing and evolving. Then if you don't know how to adapt, don't be surprised that that is when your behavior's gonna go to shit, and you're scratching yourself, going, How did that happen? So that's why I think having a broader perspective on things is so important, and we can maybe talk about the last two pillars because I'm conscious of that time as well.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:22

100%. I want your honest advice on something. So my brother's a very successful entrepreneur. Um married, three kids, um, we were on we were on Necker Island together, and one of the life coaches said, the best thing you can do is get your brother into shape. And this is something I've struggled with hard in terms of your family. Yeah, when it comes to your family, it's it's different because like he probably knows what to do, and I and I tell him he, you know, you need to do this, that, and the other. But to get him to conform to it is so tough. What advice can you give based on your years of coaching experience that makes people make that transition and shift? Because I don't want to go to Necker Island next year for him to be out of shape, for him to go to Necker Island and be out of shape.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:14

Well, I think the example that I just shared would be a great first step for him. So I would ask your brother, and this might be helpful to other people what or who is the singular most important thing in your life that matters to you most? Some people, children, it might be their children. Yeah, I think that's a big part of it. To me, my little girl got 15 months old. You said to me, What is what or who is the most important thing right now at this stage in my life that matters most to me is my little girl.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:51

So if that's the case with your brother and anyone with kids, that is and it's binge eating, like things like, for example, having Red Bull pizza here and there and stuff like that.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:00

So so it's not necessarily the behaviour of Red Bull pizza that's the bigger problem. It's as a result of having Red Bull pizza, he's overweight, out of shape, probably stressed, inflamed, doesn't have anywhere near the vitality you you know he could have, and we know he could have. Yes, and right now he's in not enough pain to change it. So I really believe what he needs to do, and this might resonate with anyone who too knows what they should be doing, and they've got kids who need them on this earth, because let's let's not fluff it up, and this is where I'm a dad, so no one can say I haven't got context of being a dad. No dad wants to die younger than they want, they really want to. No dad wants to die before their kids grow up and get married. And if that is true to you, and you know you want to live longer, live better, be able to pick your grandkids up and be there for your kids as long as possible, you ain't gonna fucking do that if you're unhealthy. You're not gonna do that if you lack energy, you're not gonna do that if you're not physically strong. So if that ruffles feathers, so what? You need to hear it because if you're achieved success in your business, you're probably surrounded by people who kiss your ass and tell you everything you want to do, and you're leaking you the lead decision maker. Write as many reasons as possible that by you not valuing health, eating well, sleeping well, looking after yourself, write as many consequences on your life and those you love, and that thing that matters most, and it's say that say your children, as many consequences on how your life and their life will be impacted if you do not sort your shit out and. Become healthier or at least try and improve how you eat, sleep, train, move, etc. Because if it doesn't cost you now, it will cost you in the near future. And I don't think there'd be anything more painful as a father than looking at myself in the mirror or evaluating my life when I'm close to my deathbed, thinking, what if couldn't agree more on that. Honestly, it that and and what I would say, and maybe this ties in with it's a good way just to tell you about the last couple of pillars. If what I've just said about writing down the consequences still doesn't move you enough to move well, train well, beat well, that is where you put yourself in an environment of people that are going to force you to up your game and who have health, energy, and vitality deep down you'd really want. Go and find a group of people that will force you to change or inspire you to change, and you can leverage and lean on for motivation, which is why in Built to Last we put so much into community events, connection, and the reason why this is so strong, close to my heart, Rob, and again, why there's no judgment, even though I've been very direct with what I just said, the reason my environment is so so so important. I was at Coventry in a high performing environment around elite-level athletes, yes, people with high standards. So even if I didn't want to show up and train well and eat what I needed to eat to be a high performing athlete, because I was around people where that's the norm, that will make you do that more often than not, even if you're not motivated to do that more often than not. 100% I get released. I know I shouldn't take drugs. I know I shouldn't binge eat. I know I shouldn't self-sabotage. But when I get released by Coventry, the only thing that had drastically changed overnight was I've gone from high-performing environmental people where that is the norm for multiple years, to my environment was people who lived for the weekend drank and take took drugs. And I think it's a Tony Robbins quote, and this I'll share two quotes because I think they're powerful. Tony Robin, Tony Robbins one is uh the quality of your life be in direct correlation to the expectations of your peer. And there's a James Clear one from Atomic Habits, yes, your environment is the invisible hand that shapes your behaviour. Love that personal one, you become the company you keep. So even if right now you're thinking, God, I know what to do. Say in the case of your brother, who probably hates me right now, but whatever, it's thinking, yeah, but I know I should be doing the stuff that Rob's telling me to do, but I'm not doing it. But you don't have it in you to make that leap. Seek out a collection of people who will give you that motivation and soundboarding and momentum to start seeing a change. Because the reason why that is a sixth pillar inside Built Ask, the fifth was perseverance, by the way, which is mindset, resilience, courage, discipline. But the the last pillar for me is the key to long-term behaviour change, because I believe you can have purpose, you can have structure, you can know what to do to create physical and emotional confidence, you can have a strong mindset, because there's gonna be a lot of founders, including your brother. I've got the mindset. We've got evidence that if you can make money and you go for the grit in the hard cheaper business. But if you've you you you if you've got all of those five things, or you're aware of what you need to do in those five things, but you're still not doing it, or you've had periods where you've transformed when felt fell backwards. That is why the the last part puzzle of environment is is that powerful when it comes to conditioning new identity and having more pleasure in the process of shaping and conditioning that new identity. Three things committed high-formance environment your physical environment, the places you go to. If we're in this room now and we've got cupboards of sugar, drink, when you're feeling stressed, overwhelmed, tired, bored, having a bad day, would you agree you are far more likely to eat that? Secondly, is your social connections. I'll just give you an example of my social connections drastically transforming in a three-week period. I was a high-performing athlete, I wouldn't have even considered taking drugs. But when you're at a low point in your life, you haven't go through a bad period. No matter how much willpower you have, and I'm not the only ex-athlete to do this, by the way. If you look at bless him, like so Ricky Hatton and some of these really famous people, yes. Their social connections, their social settings were too powerful because love and connection is a fundamental human need. The desire we have as humans to fit in. If you are picking your social connections and they've got different values to you, and they don't value health, energy, growth, uh whatever the things you know in your heart you want to do, then because connection is such a strong need, you will conform to the standards, habits, and behaviour of that peer group. Third thing is healthy peers. Your chances of being a healthier person by having access to people who are consistently healthier, but skyrocket if you have constant access to them, whether it's on phone, virtually, in person, which of course what we do inside Built to Last. So hopefully that's give some context on the six pillars, but that's just to summarize as best I can for the listeners and hopefully have we've done a good job of squeezing some in and give me some practical examples. Uh, but yeah, purpose. If you want to be consistently healthy, confident, energized, and feel more complete as a human, whatever that looks like to you, be clear on your purpose, know what you want, why it matters, and make sure your calendar supports that as much as possible. And you've got the choice to schedule who and what into your calendar. Secondly, create structure. When you look at creating structure, how can you manage health, business, family without overweight? Have some minimal non-negotiables with that. What your non-negotiables with your family every week, what your non-negotiables with your business every week, what your non-negotiables with your health and fitness every week. Don't renegotiate with that. Do that based on your values and your goals, not someone else's. Thirdly, physical confidence. And look at the outcome you want with your weight, your shape, your body. What are the training requirements for that? How much do you need to move? What are your food requirements towards that? What is your recovery requirements towards that? Again, try and align your expectation versus the inputs towards that. Fourth is emotional confidence. As much as possible, be unapologetically you in any situation. Evaluate your beliefs, don't suppress, express emotions. Richard Moat, brilliant, brilliant emotional well-being expert. Write down the feelings that are unwanted feelings and emotions that are surfacing more often than not that are controlling you or causing you to self-destruct. And try and reduce the intensity of those emotions. Write them down, speak them out loud, have conversations about them. Because the more you bottle them up, the more they'll build up, and then you self-destruct. Absolutely. Fifth pillar is mindset, resilience, courage, discipline. Identify when you are at your most resilient and courageous. What do you do differently? How do you behave? What do you do with your body? What has built the courage you have, the resilience you have? And how can you make sure that when you're in tough times and you have to make tough decisions, you translate those things that you've already done in your life to demonstrate the resilience and courage and discipline? Yeah. The brutal reality is no one's coming out of this life scope-free. We're all going to go through shit. There's going to be people in your family that die. And business curveballs, relationship breakups, stuff that happens. You know, I've become a dad terrifies me that some of the things I'm going to go through at the different stages. How did you find that transition? Um, it's the greatest gift in the world, but it's the greatest personal development exercise on the planet. It really is. You learn so much about yourself. It highlights every flaw and demon you've got within yourself, your vulnerabilities and insecurities. It also highlights some of the the the hidden personality traits you've maybe forgot or need to bring out even more. Um hybrid personality if you haven't guessed already. So patience is is one. But it it gives you a sense of purpose that goes far beyond yourself. So if you've not had a kid, which you haven't, mate, uh it's it's the greatest gift in the world, and it's definitely give me a bit, give me a lot more perspective on what and who is truly important because you can be chasing things, chasing things, but this little thing doesn't give a shit about my vision, my values, my values, my business plan, they just care. Am I present, am I paying attention, and am I giving a love? And I think so many of us, including myself, you know, you can you can not be present and just be chasing and and getting distracted. So it's been an amazing gift for sure. So amazing.

SPEAKER_00 1:16:07

You living out in Spain at the moment?

SPEAKER_01 1:16:09

Is that where you are basically? Life's a bit crazy. Um obviously between Dubai and London, and the situation right now is a bit delicate in the Middle East.

SPEAKER_00 1:16:19

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:16:22

Yeah, it's it's a bit delicate. Look, I that's another thing, you know. We spoke about environment. Uh I think one of the best things you can do is put yourself in different environments in different countries. Of course, you know, we're going through this now in the next couple of years with Gabby, you know, you need settled roots at some point, but I've absolutely loved exploring other places, and you know, we spoke a bit in the last 15 minutes on the environment. Absolutely. Maybe I can share that share this to Gigi when she's conscious of uh you know the the world on a more granular level. But in all my 42 years experience, if there's one thing that I think can dramatically accelerate your progress in any given area of life, is putting yourself in environments that force you to grow and inspire you, energize you, and you can learn from and leverage. Um being in the last 10 years between Dubai, London, traveled the world a lot more for business, personal, health and fitness reasons or social reasons, just allows you to broaden your perspective and meet great people like yourself, mate. And actually, so you can't live in a box, you can't expect change if you're not willing to put yourself in different environments or invest in yourself or put yourself in environments where you're not the big fish or someone who's a few yards ahead. So if you're not where you want to be, identify where you want to be and write down the environments and the people that are more likely to make that happen.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:57

100%. I'm due to interview uh Kobe Bryant's former trainer. Wow. If you could ask him any question, wow, what would you ask him? Given that he trained one of the most world's best basketball time basketball players.

SPEAKER_01 1:18:14

Okay, if I could ask Kobe Bryant's trainer, I would ask Kobe Bryant's trainer, and I'd love to meet him by the way. I'd love to connect him with great trainers who've been in the game a long time, especially someone like that. I would ask him what is the single most unique thing outside of hard work that made Kobe Bryant different and the athlete he became. So I've been absolutely hallucinated over the years where it's a coach, an athlete, an entrepreneur, a founder spoke a lot about patterns and trends. What made that person different? What do you notice? Yeah, I'd love to know that. Because hard work is the obvious one and that might be the answer. Sometimes it's you look for these magic answers and the magic bullets, but maybe if I was to ask myself maybe if I asked myself that question, it's like what single-handedly separates say the most consistent people that I've ever worked with, or people who let me rephrase that I love spending time with people who want to be the most well-rounded human possible. I'm gonna about really squeeze every ounce of my head out of themselves. Same. Great friends with that are in great shape, very successful in business, but they're fucking good husbands, they're good partners, they're great friends, and they just seem to be more emotionally content and they're more sure, sure of who they are. They they give and make an enormous difference to the world, but from no ego, if I look at those people the the obvious one is consistent, that's I just don't believe you can be a true, healthy, high-performing individual if you're not consistent. Discipline, obviously. Yeah, d discipline I would say I would say rather than motivation as well. Because it is there's there's too many, but it is the ab I think it genuinely is with both of them, but this applies to a lot of great people too. They're so clear on who they want to be, why all this matters, and the difference they're trying to make. Um by being that clear on all of those things, the consistency, the discipline, the standards naturally show up. They don't compromise on who they want to be to fit in with people that are not aligned to the difference they're trying to make. That is what I would say I notice with yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:21:33

Makes me think of that chip uh chip choggi's quote. Um if you're not disciplined, you're a slave to your moods and your passions. Yes. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:21:47

Yeah. No, so it's it's it's it's it's fascinating. But that I know we spoke a lot about purpose, haven't we, today? And that's why I think purpose is so fucking important. So important. It really is. All the money in the world, the six pack in the world. If you if you if you if you do there comes a point, yeah, granted, I know we need to do things in business sometimes to make the money to pay the bills and all that stuff, but I think I think that there'd be nothing more demoralising, especially having lived without purpose and live with purpose, than being on my deathbed and me looking back thinking I wasn't brave enough to pursue what really mattered to me most with genuine meaning. 100%.

SPEAKER_00 1:22:35

Uh to tie this up, is there anything else that you want to share? I think we've covered a lot. Yeah, we have.

SPEAKER_01 1:22:42

No, listen, listen, I don't have all the answers, I'm still a work in progress. Likewise, you I've shared some very vulnerable, honest things on this podcast that I'm anything but polished and I make mistakes on a daily, weekly basis. But what I will say is if you know that in any area of your life right now, you're capable of becoming more, making a bigger difference, and living with more fulfillment and contentness, then don't give up on that and have the confidence to believe that anything is possible. But in order to do that, you need to be brave, you need to have the tough conversations. Sometimes you need to walk away from certain relationships, friendships, peer groups that are not serving you, and see it time and time again. That yeah, people just like that bravery and that courage to make the decisions, take the risk, make that transition, and you'll feel that you'll know from talking to you, you'll feel that you'll feel you'll feel it emotionally, you'll feel it energetically. So if you know in your heart there's another gear inside of you, stop, don't waste time. I've wasted, I've wasted time, and that's why I say with so much passion, you don't need to waste 13 years for me. One thing I didn't say, sorry, just to wrap this up. I turned down Manchester United at 13. Whoa, yeah, I did. They offered me uh schoolboy forms, what many, by the way. And Coventry offered me a professional contract at the same age, two choices. So I signed for Coventry or signed for Manchester United, and chose the safe option because I was guaranteed professional contract to Coventry. Right, seven years later, I'll get released in that safe option by Gary McAllister. So that's why I say wholeheartedly, don't waste time and take a risk on yourself. Would you say that was one of your biggest regrets? Uh it's maybe the coach I'm today. That is why I'm so big on giving people the confidence to believe that anything is possible. Because when I was 13, Kurtmiller didn't have the confidence to believe that he was going to be a man, could be a Manchester United footballer. And who's to say I could have gone there and not made it? But if you'd have said to me, who do I want to be, what do I want to do? It wasn't just be a footballer. I was obsessed with Manchester United, and I had that moment in the palm of my hand where I could have literally fulfilled my dream to be a Manchester United player, whether I made it or not, that's a different ballgame. And and I I didn't do it because my belief systems and I wasn't brave enough. And I know obviously at 13, you know, you still find out who you are and stuff, but um I certainly wouldn't be saying that to anyone I loved or could influence saying, you know what, there's no guarantees. A lot of people they they stay in jobs, they stay in relationships, or they stay in that that gym or with that PT that's making no difference. It's safe. So the the evidence as to whether or not what you're doing is working is how you feel, and if you are making progress, and if you don't feel the way you want to, you don't look the way you want to, and you're not feeling content in in the areas of life. You know you want to feel more content, make a decision to change that. Where can people reach you if they want to reach out to you? Um media platforms, Kurt Miller, Kubana Podcast. I'll have to get you on my friend, speak about your power subject. Yeah, I'm on all media platforms, Kubana Podcast, and we'll have 200 episodes with some amazing guests. Incredible. And yeah, enjoy it from there. And if I can ever work with you, uh then just saddle up. Yeah, if you can handle straight talk and and you want to get better, then we'll make it happen. Sure. And it's an amazing community as well. Do things with great people love that.

SPEAKER_00 1:26:23

Uh thank you so much for having me, mate. I really appreciate it. Thank you. Um, if you enjoyed this episode, please do subscribe. Simply click the button to subscribe to the channel. And thank you very much, Kirk Miller. Really appreciate it. All good for that. Thank you for the legend. Thank you. Thank you. It's all good.