SDEpisode21 - The Child Chair: Inner child healing W/Guided Meditation

This week on the podcast, we're exploring one of the most powerful parts of personal growth and healing: your inner child.

Many of the beliefs, behaviors, fears, and emotional patterns we carry as adults were shaped by experiences we had as children. Through the concept of the Child Chair, we'll discuss how our younger selves continue to influence our relationships, self-worth, reactions, and the way we move through the world.

We'll talk about what happens when the inner child becomes wounded, how those wounds can show up in adulthood, and why healing isn't about changing the past—it's about giving yourself the compassion, safety, and understanding you may not have received when you needed it most.

Join us as we explore:
-What the Child Chair represents
- Signs your inner child may be asking for attention
-Common childhood wounds and how they affect adult life
- Practical ways to begin inner child healing
-How self-compassion can transform old patterns into growth

Healing your inner child isn't about becoming someone new. It's about reconnecting with the parts of yourself that have always deserved love, acceptance, and belonging.

Take a seat with us in the Child Chair and begin the journey home to yourself.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:05

Welcome back, fellow yogis, to our podcast. To my left, I have my co-host, business partner.

SPEAKER_00 0:16

Kimmy. To my right, I have my yoga wife, business partner, bestie Brittany Wells. Welcome back, everybody. Yes, it's a new week, and here we are. Yep, we just, I mean, we got done with Memorial Day weekend, and we're I it's been a weird week. I feel like I've been recovering since Memorial Day weekend. Like time is altered.

SPEAKER_01 0:42

It's been like a long weird long weekend. Yeah, a little weird. Um our weeks here, anyways, run run weird because uh our school system runs on a four-day week, and so everybody has Friday, Saturday, and Sunday off. So it's like yeah, it's been yeah, and school's out, so it's probably it's just been weird.

SPEAKER_00 0:58

Yeah, school's out, so it's a whole thing. But we also got some good rain this weekend, which we needed, and uh, it was I loved it. It rained all day yesterday. It did. Oh, I love a good summer rain, so that was fun. But yeah, we've just been uh getting stuff ready. Summer solstice is a couple weeks away, and we've been getting ready for that, and we're really excited. Brittany did our craft for summer solstice. Do you want to talk about it? Because it's gonna be way cute.

SPEAKER_01 1:24

Okay, so I just seen a little video online. Um, so what we're gonna do is we're gonna take some mason jars, and we have um we ordered some pressed flowers, and we're gonna take some it's like a mod pos, but it's like glue. It's different. It's like a matte glue, it's different, but it's gonna hold it to. We're gonna glue them to our mason jars. And um, I think we're putting tea lights in them. Um, we're gonna go up and talk to Hemsley Garden about doing a small flower bar, possibly. We've been tossing some ideas around, but overall we're doing the jar. Um, your friend Meg's supposed to help us with our little handles.

SPEAKER_00 2:01

Oh yes, I need to talk to her about that. Yeah. So yeah, so we're doing that, and then we have um for our sound healing, we usually typically we'll do a uh just regular sound healing session, but for summer solstice, we have a drum circle happening. We've been able to pull that off for the last three years. It's been so fun. So yeah, we have a sound therapist come up and yeah, like a legit sound therapist.

SPEAKER_01 2:25

Yeah, it's gonna be so fun. She's super cool. Last year she had a baby, so she couldn't join us, but her professor was able to do it for us, but she's coming back this year.

SPEAKER_00 2:38

Yeah, we're so excited.

SPEAKER_01 2:39

She doesn't have a newborn, she was pumped when we invited her. Um, hopefully she brings back her professor. Yeah, it was great. And fun fact, um, they so like my son Oliver, he has a music therapist that comes to the house weekly, and she same professor, same same circle, love it, and so I'm just like, yes, so cool.

SPEAKER_00 3:02

Yes, yeah. So we've been prepping for summer solstice, so keep your eye out. Um, there's still spots, so if you guys want to register, you can save 20 bucks if you register early. So we've also been getting ready for rodeo weekend.

SPEAKER_01 3:14

We've been getting ready for rodeo since January.

SPEAKER_00 3:17

Well, we did. We wanted to be on top of it this year, but you got in some new crystals this weekend, yes. Um, which are really fun. We got some new like crystal towers, which are really pretty. We got some more geodes in.

SPEAKER_01 3:29

Um, there's a like unboxing up on our social media, so you guys can go check that out at any time. Um, that was fun. I left for I left some for us to open up together because I was like, because as I was unraveling them, I was like, wait, I can't open any more. So, yeah, and that was fun this morning.

SPEAKER_00 3:49

Yeah, so we have all sorts of new goodies at the studio. It's been really fun.

SPEAKER_01 3:53

It has been fun. Um, I'm excited to kind of see where we go in the future with our crystals and stuff because this is kind of a new thing, and we've got crystals every morning. Yes, we do. I love it.

SPEAKER_00 4:08

Do you have any magic moments for the week? Um, well, before it rained, excuse me, before it rained on Saturday, um, Friday, I got to go boating with Coda and Meg, our first boating trip of the year, which is so fun. Um, it was nice and warm for the first little bit, and then like the last hour got cloudy, and we were like trying to wait it out, but then we're like, we're gonna get rained on, and yeah, we ended up leaving, but it was still, it was so fun. It was just nice to that is fun. Put on my swimming suit and go out to the lake. Yeah, it was so good. It was it was wonderful. So that was my magic moment. Shout out, Meg.

SPEAKER_01 4:44

Okay, yeah, shout out Meg. We'll give her a shout out because she's she's Meg's amazing. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:49

So if you guys don't know Meg, she so all of the macrame that's at the studio, she handmakes all of that. Um, so she's very talented in that department, but she's also a nurse at our local hospital. So for saving lives, Meg. Yeah, she saves lives. Whenever I have like an injury or anything, I always call her and I'm like, nurse Meg, and then she immediately knows that something's wrong, you know. Like when I like sprained my ankle, I called her and just all the things. She's always taking care of me, so have so much love for her. I can see that in Meg. She's a good she's a good caretaker.

SPEAKER_01 5:21

She is, and she has red hair, and I think it's awesome. She's beautiful. I love gingers. I've got one myself. I've got an 18-year-old daughter that has red hair, and I just I wanted some ginger boys, but I didn't get that.

SPEAKER_00 5:34

Got the ginger girls though. I did. She's pretty.

SPEAKER_01 5:36

My one ginger girl.

SPEAKER_00 5:39

Any magic moments for you for the week?

SPEAKER_01 5:41

No, I actually've been super busy. And it's gonna be another busy week because I got like quick turnarounds over at the ranch, and um, um, we're supposed to. I've got lagoon planned for this week. So I'm hoping as long as I can get my jobs done, we can go. But I will because that's me.

SPEAKER_00 6:01

Right on. Alright, we got our pull of the day. Alright, so we are pulling from the Jenny Blonde comfy, cozy witch oracle deck, and today we pulled fairy magic. So, with this reading, it comes with a mantra, a message, and a prompt. So, our mantra is I embrace the playful side of myself. The message. The hidden world of fairies is filled with enchantment, wonder, and playfulness. Perhaps you've been taking yourself too seriously lately. If so, this card invites you to tap into the magic of fairies by embracing your playful side. Allow yourself to be lighthearted, spontaneous, and free. By connecting with the playful spirit of the fairies, you open yourself to creativity, wonder, and a deeper sense of joy. Take time to engage in activities that bring you joy and make you feel carefree. Dance as if no one is watching, allow your body to move to the rhythm of your spirit. Spend time outdoors exploring like you did as a child. Engage in creative activities like drawing, writing, or magic crafting. Let your spirit be light-free and filled with what we all yearn for once again. And the final prompt is with what activities can I embrace the playful side of myself? What activities brought me joy as a child? Which is so perfect for what we're talking about today.

SPEAKER_01 7:24

Yeah. Um, fast segment, real quick, before we jump into our topic of the day. I have actually come to really love this. I don't know why. Um, but I have some real, real or fakes for you. Okay. Okay, and they're random. So it can be anything. Okay, real or fake. Real or fake. Okay. The unicorn is the Scotland national animal. It's gotta be fake.

SPEAKER_00 7:58

But like, why would you put it on it? It's gotta be fake, right? It's real. No way. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 8:05

You can fact-check right now.

SPEAKER_00 8:07

It's not even a real animal, though. Scotland?

SPEAKER_01 8:11

Yeah. Fact-check it real quick. I'm looking it up right now. Okay. Do you want to do the next one while you're fact-checking that?

SPEAKER_00 8:22

It's literally the unicorn. What the heck? That blows my mind. Okay, well, that's the first ruler fake that I've gotten wrong. So there we go.

SPEAKER_01 8:30

I had to throw in a hard one because you you were getting really good, and I was like, wait, I gotta throw her off. You definitely threw me off. Okay, what's the second one? Okay, I think you'll get these. Your nose can remember over a trillion different scents. I bet that's true. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 8:48

That's real. Yes. Okay, good.

SPEAKER_01 8:51

Kind of makes me think of dogs. I don't know why. Because their noses are super sensitive. There are more fake pink flamingos in the world than real ones.

SPEAKER_00 9:03

I bet that's real. I bet that's true. It's fake.

SPEAKER_01 9:07

I know. I thought the same thing too. I was like, no way. I was like, I see those things everywhere. I want some actually because they're neat. Well, yeah. That's funny. That's pretty good. Yeah. Um, I actually really enjoy the real or fake. I do too. I like all of our segments because I think they're fun. Um, and if you guys have any like other things that we should do on the podcast, totally send us a message. Like, we'll listen. All right. So we will just go right ahead into our Dharma talk. Um, today's topic was a little emotional for our yoga students. I felt bad.

SPEAKER_00 9:45

I think it was emotional for everybody. It was. So here's your trigger warning.

SPEAKER_01 9:49

Yeah, so this does come with a little bit of trigger warning. Um, so today we're gonna talk about healing the inner child. Um, and before we actually dive into healing the inner child, I want to talk about three chairs. I know that sounds okay, chairs.

SPEAKER_00 10:08

Why these chairs? Yes, I had questions and Britney was explaining this to me as well, but you'll get it by the end.

SPEAKER_01 10:14

Okay, so these chairs are a simple way of understanding the different parts of ourselves that show up throughout our lives. So the first one that you have is the child chair. The child chair is the part of us that feels. It carries our emotions, needs, fears, joys, and wounds. This chair asks, am I safe? Am I loved? Do I belong? The second chair is the youth chair or adolescent chair. This is the part of us that seeks independence and identity. It wants freedom, control, and a sense of self. This chair often reacts by pushing back, proving itself, or protecting itself when it feels threatened. And then the last one you have is the adult chair. And this is the part of us that responds with awareness and responsibility. It recognizes emotions without being controlled by them and makes choices based on what is true in the present moment. Um, so we're first gonna we're gonna go a little bit deeper into the the chairs, and then we're gonna specifically go right into the child chair. I just want you guys to be able to understand these a little bit more as we talk about it, and then hopefully some of this stuff resonates with you. So, moving into a little bit deeper on the child chair. So, this is I need someone to take care of me. This is the center of it all. The child chair is where our earliest emotional experiences live. This part of us is focused on safety, love, acceptance, and belonging. In the child chair, we experience emotions deeply. We want comfort and reassurance, we may feel powerless or dependent, and we look to others to meet our needs. Um, again, the child chair is asking: Am I safe? Am I loved? Do I belong? And I am enough. The child chair is not wrong or weak, it is where our vulnerability, innocence, imagination, and emotional emotional truth resides. So if your child chair is healthy, you're gonna experience curiosity, joy, playfulness, wonder, trust. Um, if your child chair is wounded, you're gonna feel a lot of fear, shame, abandonment, rejection, and feelings of unworthiness. Um, into the adolescent or youth chair, this is the I can do it myself. I don't need nobody. Yeah, this is This is the independent stage. And as a parent, it's a little annoying. Um the adolescent chair develops as we grow and begin seeking independence. This is often where we learn to push back, test boundaries, and figure out who we are. This chair is driven by independence, identity, control, rebellion, and proving ourselves. It asks, who am I? What do I believe? Where do I fit in? How do I gain control? When healthy, the adolescent chair helps us build confidence, develop our voice, take risks, and learn resilience. When wounded, when wounded, this chair may feel defensive, blame others, resist feedback, refuse help, act impulsively, and fight for control. And you might hear the adolescent chair um say, you can't tell me what to do. I don't need anyone, it's their fault, and nobody understands me. Um, many adults spend years living in a wounded youth chair without even realizing it, which I feel like I kind of was explaining, like, I think I'm stuck actually in my youth chair. Like, I feel like I've done the work myself in the youth chair for sure. Yeah, that's very yeah, it's interesting. So, all right, so the adult chair. Um, this is I can care for myself while honoring my feelings. The adult chair is where wisdom, responsibility, and self-awareness live. The adult chair doesn't ignore the child or youth chairs, it's gonna listen to them and it's going to lead them. In the adult chair, we recognize our emotions, we take responsibility for our actions, we set healthy boundaries, we communicate clearly, and we respond rather than react. The adult chair asks, what is true right now? What do I need? What is within my control? And how can I respond with integrity? And the adult chair might say, I understand why you're hurt. Let's take care of this. I can handle difficult feelings, I don't need to prove my worth, and I can choose my response. Um, so how the chairs work. So think of the chairs as a developmental journey. So child chair, youth chair, adults. Child chair, I need protection, youth chair, I need independence, and adult chair, I can balance both connection and responsibility. Um, how this is gonna show up in a disagreement would be so the child chair would say, I'm hurt, nobody likes me. Adolescent chairs, forget them, I don't need anyone, anyways. And the adult chair says, I'm hurt by what happened. Let's figure out how to address it. And you can notice how the adult chair doesn't suppress the child's feelings or the youth's desire for the self-respect. It's simply just responds from a place of maturity and balance. Um, so the inner child. What is the inner child? We kind of brushed up on it, but your inner child is the part of you that carries the memories, emotions, your beliefs, joys, fears, and experiences from childhood. It's the emotional imprint of your younger self. Your inner child holds your sense of wonder and creativity, your ability to play and experience joy, your fears and insecurities, unmet needs from childhood, core beliefs about yourself and the world. And actually, many adults, Rhea, um many adults actually just like kind of like how do I explain this? As we move through life, you like, yes, we are an adult, but we tend to get stuck in those chairs. So we are moving out of our childhood chair into our youth and now into our adult. So, how does our inner child become wounded? So, children are naturally dependent on others for safety, love, validation, and guidance. When those needs are consistently met, wounds can de aren't consistently met, wounds can develop. So, wound doesn't require major trauma. Sometimes it comes from repeated experiences such as feeling unseen or unheard, being criticized frequently, having emotions dismissed, feeling responsible for others' happiness, experiencing abandonment or rejection, being taught that love must be earned, and growing up in in unpredictable environments. Sorry guys, I've been talking all morning, so it's like coming out, like typically a child isn't going to think my parent is overwhelmed if they see them in an overwhelmed state. A child is going to think sometime something must be wrong with me. Um these conclusions often become beliefs carried into our adulthood. Uh, why do we carry these into our adulthood? Because children don't get to choose what they believe to survive. And as children, we create protective strategies. Um they're gonna end up being people pleasers to avoid rejection, um, perfectionism to earn approval, avoidance to prevent disappointment, controlling behavior to create safety, and emotional shutdown to avoid pain. These strategies may have helped us survive childhood. The problem is that many of them continue long after we need them. The adult who struggles to say no may actually be protecting a child who feared disappointing others. The adult who constantly seeks validation may be carrying a child who never felt seen. And I've I've felt both of them. Like I've been there. Alright, the child chair versus the adult chair. The child chair, when we're in our child chair, we're acting from old wounds rather than responding from present awareness. So signs you're in your child chair. Again, you're going back to that that that mindset. Nobody cares about me, I'm not good enough, everyone is going to leave. I need someone else to fix this. Reacting rather than responding and feeling powerless. Um, the child chair is specifically driven off of fear, hurt, shame, and unmet needs. Whereas the adult chair doesn't ignore the feelings, um, it acknowledges them while, excuse me, taking responsibilities for what comes next. When you're in the adult chair, you might say, I feel hurt right now. This situation reminds me of something old. I can care for myself, I can set a boundary, I can ask for support. I am safe in this moment. The adult chair offers what the child chair is searching for. So when we're in our adult chair, we're definitely gonna want to step in that child chair and kind of nurse it a little bit. Alright, some steps here. So I've got some steps how we can um move into that adult chair. Um I have four steps. And the first one is you're gonna notice the trigger. You're gonna ask yourself, what am I feeling right now? Not what happened, but what are you actually feeling? Are you feeling rejected? Are you feeling abandoned, embarrassed, unworthy? Um, at this and this awareness um creates a choice. The second thing you're gonna do is ask, how old does this feeling feel? People discover the intensity of their reaction feels much younger than their actual age. You may be 40 years old, but the feeling feels like you're eight years old. Um, that can be a clue that your inner child is asking for attention. The third one you're gonna offer compassion instead of criticism. We talk about this so, so much. Um, and pretty much like imagine yourself speaking to a younger, your younger version of yourself. Would you tell a scared eight year old? Get over it, or would you tell them I understand why you're hurting and I'm here with you? Healing often begins when we become the safe adult we needed. And the last one I have here is meet the need. Ask, what does your inner child need right now? Maybe it's rest, validation, play, creativity, boundaries, safety, connection. The goal isn't to is not to stay in that child chair. The goal is to listen to the child and then let the adult respond. Okay, so the next thing we have here is our note card.

SPEAKER_00 22:42

Yeah, so if you guys have a journal or a piece of paper that you'd like to write on, feel free to go ahead and grab your writing utensils now and then we'll go ahead and get started. Alright, so we have two questions that you're going to answer for your writing activity today. And the first one is, when I'm in my child chair, I tend to and fill in that sentence. So again, that question is when I'm in my child chair, I tend to, how do you react? Do you is your instinct, your natural instinct to think that everyone's gonna leave you? Is it then that you tend to react rather than respond? Is it them that you feel powerless or that you think that you need someone else to come fix this for you? Maybe it's a feeling that nobody cares about you. But when you're in your child chair, when you're in that instinctual mindset, what do you tend to do? There's no judgment here. Just take a couple moments to write it out. Feel free to pause if you need to. And then the second question that you're going to answer is when I'm in my adult chair, I choose to and fill in that sentence. Again, when I'm in my adult chair, I choose to. This could be where you choose to care for yourself. This could be where you choose to set boundaries, where you choose to ask for support from the people that are around you. And this could be choosing to learn from your history, from your past mistakes, and moving forward with intention and clarity. Um, but just think about how you would show up for your younger self with compassion rather than criticism. And then this can be your intention moving throughout the rest of your week, is catching yourself when your mindset goes to that child chair. I like to think of it as like our high chair because like some of those kids, that was my chair, that was a high chair, right? So when I'm in that emotional state and I'm in that high chair and I catch myself thinking that everyone is just out to get me or everyone's gonna leave, or all those really big emotions, I catch myself in that moment and I'm and I'm trying to step into that adult chair. How can I care for myself? How can I set boundaries to prevent this in the future? How can I show up for myself with compassion instead of criticism? You guys can reflect on those questions for the rest of your week.

SPEAKER_01 25:08

Um, I'm gonna share the quote of the day because I feel like everybody needs to hear this. The wounds of our childhood are not healed by time alone, but by compassion. And yes, you can barely touch. Honestly, like it all comes to you comes back to showing yourself compassion. Um today, yeah, it's something that I've had to do. Um, I've been doing it for many years. It's weird, it's still weird, it's but it's something that I've had to do to really heal my inner child. And so, and now I'm working on my adolescent, because she be getting me right now.

SPEAKER_00 25:56

Your adolescence is getting you, and that's okay. But make awareness of it so that you can move forward with that intention, right? Because we don't want to, especially you as a mom, unlike you you're not passing those down onto your kids, you know, unless you're working through them is because you don't want your kids to feel the same way that you did growing up. And so I think it's just really powerful to just, you know, treat yourself kindly, show yourself with, you know, respect and your kids see that. Your kids will be nice to themselves, making them nice to others around. And then the ripple effect. If you listened last week, yes, acts of kindness go a long way.

SPEAKER_01 26:33

So that's great. All right, well, let's go ahead and move into our meditation part of the podcast. Um, just go ahead and get nice and settled. Find a comfortable position and allow your body to settle into stillness. Gently close your eyes if that feels comfortable. And take a slow breath in through your nose, and a long breath out through your mouth. Again, breathe in and breathe out. Allow your shoulders to soften. Allow your jaw to relax, and allow the muscles around your eyes to become smooth and at ease. There is nowhere else you need to be, nothing you need to fix, nothing you need to figure out. Just this moment, just this breath. As you continue breathing, imagine yourself walking down a peaceful path. The air is comfortable, the ground beneath you feels safe and steady, and with every step you become more relaxed, and ahead of you, you notice a younger version of yourself. Maybe they're a child, maybe they're a teenager, perhaps an age immediately comes to mind. Or perhaps you simply sense their presence. There is no right or wrong. Start to notice what they look like. Notice how they're feeling. Notice the expression on their face. Approach them gently and imagine sitting beside them. Take a moment to simply be with them without judgment, without trying to change anything, and just listen. Ask them quietly, what do you need me to know? Allow whatever arises to arise. Perhaps they share a feeling, a memory, a fear, a wish, or simply they may want your presence there with them. Take a deep breath and imagine your adult self wrapping this younger version of you in unconditional love and tell them, I see you. I hear you. Your feelings matter. You never had to earn love. You are worthy exactly as you are. You are not alone anymore. I am here with you now. Imagine your younger self receiving these words and notice how they respond. Notice their shoulders soften. Maybe they even smile. Or perhaps they simply feel relieved that someone finally understands them. Now imagine holding their hand, and as you do, say, thank you for everything you did to help me survive. Thank you for carrying what you carried. You don't have to do it alone anymore. I will take it from here. I will protect you, I will listen to you, I will care for you, and I will love you. Take a few moments to simply sit together, breathing and connecting, and allowing healing to flow between your adult self and your younger self. Notice that this younger version of you begins to feel lighter, safer, more at peace. And as they do, imagine them becoming part of your heart. Not disappearing, not being left behind, but coming home with you, whole, loved, protected, and integrated. Take a deep breath in. Feel the strength of your adult self. Feel the wisdom you've gained. Feel the love that now exists between who you were and who you are becoming. One more deep breath in. And a slow breath out. When you're ready, begin to bring awareness back to your body. Feel the surface beneath you. Notice the rise and fall of your breath. And if you're not already there, slowly start to make your way up to a seated position with eyes closed and hands at heart center. And remember, the goal is not to become someone different. The goal is to become the safe place your younger self has always needed. And that healing begins one loving moment at a time. May we honor the child who carried us here, the youth who searched for who we are, and the adult within us who now has the capacity to lead with wisdom, compassion, and love. Thank you so much for joining us today, Namas Day.