SDEpisode28 - Setting Boundaries & Special Guest

This week on the podcast, we're talking about one of the most important forms of self-care: setting healthy boundaries.

What do boundaries actually look like? Why are they so difficult to set? How do we hold firm when others push back or don't understand them? We dive into the difference between building walls and creating healthy boundaries that protect your peace, energy, and well-being.

Joining us for this fun and meaningful conversation is a very special guest Matt, Britt's son! Matt brings his own personality, humor, and perspective to the episode, making for some heartfelt moments and plenty of laughs along the way.

Whether you're learning to say "no" without guilt, protecting your energy, or simply trying to create healthier relationships, this episode is a reminder that boundaries aren't about shutting people out, they're about honoring yourself.

Grab your favorite drink, get comfortable, and join us for another real, honest conversation where spirituality meets everyday life.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:06

Welcome back, fellow yogis, to our podcast, the Soul Deep Yoga and Healing Podcast. Today we have a very special guest. Um, Kimmy is out of town, and I decided to keep recording this week, and I brought on a special guest. Would you like to tell everybody who you are?

SPEAKER_01 0:29

Um, I am Matthew, and I am the son. So yeah.

SPEAKER_00 0:36

Yeah, so we have Matthew here today. Um, you guys kind of hear me talking about my kids, and this is my middle child. This is Matthew, he's 12 years old, and um, I'm very excited to have you here today. You've been kind of excited all week, huh? We've been kind of talking about it and prepping for it, huh? Yeah. Yeah, cool. Um so what the viewers, do you want them to call you Matthew? Or would you want them to what do you want the viewers to know you as? Matt, Matthew Jr., what do you what do you prefer? Matt. You prefer Matt?

SPEAKER_01 1:14

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 1:14

Okay. Cool. Sweet.

unknown 1:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:18

Well, welcome to the show. Um, how was your week?

SPEAKER_01 1:24

It was good. What did you do? Uh just built a ramp for stuff and just doing outdoor stuff.

SPEAKER_00 1:32

Yep, you did. I seen you build a ramp yesterday and I thought that was pretty cool. Um, we had golf leagues on Monday.

SPEAKER_01 1:41

Yeah, we did have that.

SPEAKER_00 1:43

Yep, we got to go to Brigham City. That was fun.

SPEAKER_01 1:48

Pretty difficult car golf course, but do you think so? Yeah, really fun to play.

SPEAKER_00 1:53

Really fun to play, yeah. I agree. I felt like the the holes like were shorter. I felt like we were closer to the hole than out of the other places that we played at, which was fine. And we had a large group with us that day. There was what, six of you? Six of you boys? Three-man scramble. Cool. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:16

Um, anything else? Uh not that I know of or remember. Okay, cool. Um, do you have any magic moments that you would like to share? Uh yeah. My first magic moment probably during a game where my mom accidentally signed me up for. What did I sign you up for? 12U baseball, and then I hit a and I was 10 and hit the ball. Oh yeah. And they were like way older than me, so.

SPEAKER_00 2:50

Yep. Yep, actually yep, last year I accidentally signed you up for 12U when you were not 12U, huh? Yeah. That's alright. But you got to play. I mean, you've been playing baseball for a while. Yeah. Yeah. Cool. Um, any other things that you want to share?

SPEAKER_01 3:11

Uh about your week or any other magic moments that you have? I think that's really it. Okay, cool.

SPEAKER_00 3:18

Yep, I've been busy. I've been pretty much out at the ranch getting it ready for the next stairs, huh? Yep. And we just getting ready for a rodeo weekend. It's coming up, and we're gonna be busy and we're gonna have lots of fun. Okay, so I have a magic moment. Um, my magic moment is you being here on the show with me. Yeah, this is really cool.

SPEAKER_01 3:46

Yeah, it's my first ever podcast, so it's kind of fun to be on one the first time.

SPEAKER_00 3:51

Yeah, this will be great.

SPEAKER_01 3:54

Um, you kind of mentioned earlier that you have a shout-out. Who's your shout out? Yes, I do have a shout-out. I have a what's your shout-out? I have a shout-out to jujitsu asset.

SPEAKER_00 4:06

To asset, jujitsu, the place where you do jujitsu. Yep. That's a great place that we have, huh? And you've been doing that for a long time.

SPEAKER_01 4:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:16

You want to tell the listeners like what belt you're in?

SPEAKER_01 4:19

Uh, my current belt is a gray and white belt third fourth stripe. And what's the next color belt after that? I think my sec the belt after that is gonna just gonna be plain gray.

SPEAKER_00 4:33

Sweet. You're moving on up. You've got your stripes, you've got your solids, you know your basic techniques.

SPEAKER_01 4:40

Yep.

SPEAKER_00 4:41

And sometimes you'll come home and tell me that you do arm bars and stuff that you can pin when you guys are rolling around, huh? Yeah, yeah. Cool. And do you do you guys have a lot of fun? I I know Amanda does a lot of fun games with you guys because you'll tell me about them. Yeah. Cool, awesome. Alright, junior. So, one of our segments that we have on here that we like to do is a love and a hate. Oh, love and a hate. What is your let's start with your hate so we can end with a love on a positive note. What's your hate?

SPEAKER_01 5:19

My hate is probably when I trip in front of a lot of people, like in a big crowd. Yeah, like if you step in a pothole and roll your ankle, maybe.

SPEAKER_00 5:28

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 5:30

And probably my love, like, yeah, my problem my love was pro is probably like, I don't know, like playing sports with friends and family.

SPEAKER_00 5:42

Yeah. Cool. So, alright. My love is I love when Oliver goes into your room and you're sleeping, and kind of like the other day when I went in there to go find him, and he was he wedged himself under your armpit. Oh, he did? Yes. You were sleeping, but he went into your room and laid in your bed with his tablet, and somehow he managed to wedge himself under your armpit. Because I went in there and his head was under there, and your arm was laying on top of his head, and it was super cute. Um, okay, I hate when I have to unload all my cleaning supplies from the car. Yeah, that's especially on a hot, hot day.

SPEAKER_01 6:32

Yeah, that sucks.

SPEAKER_00 6:34

It does suck. Sucks a little. Sucks a whole lot. Because I've already been sweating my guts out. Um, okay, should we go into the next one? So we have guest that smell. Do you want to go first or do you want me to go first? Uh you go first. So, like, close my eyes or you close your eyes. I'll close my eyes. Alright. So close your eyes. And I'm getting it out. And I'm I'll tell you when to sniff, okay? Okay, take a sniff.

SPEAKER_01 7:06

Is that strong?

SPEAKER_00 7:08

It's strong.

SPEAKER_01 7:09

Is that um is that lavender? Not lavender. Is it I can't remember any of the names. Isn't that keep smelling if you need to? I can't remember the name. Eucalyptus? Not eucalyptus. Yeah, I don't know that one.

SPEAKER_00 7:32

It's lemon.

SPEAKER_01 7:33

Oh, it is? Yeah. Oh. I couldn't tell if that was lemon or not.

SPEAKER_00 7:37

Yep. Alright, I'll close my eyes and you can open up yours and I'll guess the smell.

SPEAKER_01 7:54

Can you smell it?

SPEAKER_00 7:55

I can smell it. What do you think it is? Ooh, there's an earthy tone in it. Is it frankincense?

SPEAKER_01 8:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 8:09

Oh, it is? Oh! Cool! Cool. Frankincense. All right. So we prepared some would you rathers. I've got a would you rather for you. Okay, you go. Would you rather have spaghetti for hair or pancakes for feet?

SPEAKER_01 8:34

Uh I would rather have pancakes for feet. Pancakes for feet? Yeah. Why? I don't know. I don't want spaghetti hair.

SPEAKER_00 8:44

You don't want spaghetti hair? Yeah. Okay, valid.

unknown 8:48

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 8:49

Valid.

SPEAKER_01 8:50

Would you rather be in Florida in the middle of summer or in Alaska in the middle of winter? Oh.

SPEAKER_00 9:03

Florida in the middle of summer. Yeah. I'd have to go with that one. That was a good would you rather? Alright, Junior. So you did our pool of the day. What card did you pull? I got Earth. Earth. Okay, let's go ahead and read that pool of the day. Um, we are reading out of the comfy cozy witch oracle deck by Jenny uh Blonde. For those who are wanting to seek out that Oracle deck. Ours came from Barnes and Noble. So, finding Earth here. Earth. Ground and embrace. I am grounded in the present moment. The message. The element of earth prompts you to ground yourself in the present moment. In a world that often pulls you in many directions, it is easy to feel unsteady. The earth cart offers the gift of stability and is here to remind you to embrace the stability beneath your feet. The dirt, the grass, the sand, the earth, and to connect with here and now. By anchoring yourself in the present, you find clarity and strength. The earth supports and nourishes you. Allow it to remind you to be patient and steady in your life. Embrace the wisdom that comes from slowing your mind and being fully present in the moment. Embrace the present, ground yourself in its reality, and find peace in not doing, but in simply being. If you don't yet have a mindfulness practice, now is the time to start. And your prompt is how did gro how did grounding myself in nature influence thoughts, emotions, and sense of peace? That's a great card. That's a good reminder to stay grounded, stay present, and go put your feet in the earth. Alright, so we are gonna go ahead and move into our Dharma talk. Um, the theme for today is boundaries. And um, we talk about boundaries a lot in yoga, and we're just gonna go through some things that we can do to set boundaries, how we can get through them, and all the fun stuff. Alright, so what are boundaries? Boundaries are simply the limits we set that protect our physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual well-being. They're a way of saying, this is what I need, this is what I will accept, this is what I won't accept, and this is how I honor myself. A boundary isn't about controlling someone else's behavior, it's about choosing what you will do when a boundary is crossed. And in a yogic perspective, um, we practice something very similar to this. It is the first of the yamas, and it is ahisma, non-harming. And this comes right out of the yoga sutras. Most people think that means not harming others, but it also means not abandoning yourself, not betraying your own needs, and not sacrificing your peace to avoid someone else's discomfort. What healthy boundaries will sound like and look like is saying something simple as uh like, I am unavailable today, or no, I need time to think. I'm not comfortable discussing that. That doesn't work for me. I need some alone time. I appreciate you asking, but I have to decline. These boundaries are honest, they're kind, clear, and they don't require explanations. One of the hardest lessons is learning that no is a complete sentence, and it's okay to say no. So when we set those boundaries, sometimes it feels really, really, really hard because many of us were taught that we're not supposed to disappoint people, that we're always supposed to be nice, and we need to keep everyone happy. And if you grew up around chaos, people pleasing often became survival. You learned that love was earned by making yourself smaller. Yoga teaches the opposite of that. Yoga asks us to return to ourselves and to listen onward inward, but also to honor our truth and our limits. Alright, so how are we gonna set boundaries? The first thing you're gonna do is you're going to bring awareness and you're going to know your values. So ask yourself, what gives me peace? What drains me? And what do I need more of? What behavior no longer aligns with who you are becoming? Ask yourself those questions. Get to know your values. Number two, you're gonna listen to your body. Um, we talk about this a lot in yoga. We're gonna we need to listen to our intuition. So the body usually knows before the mind does, and you're probably gonna feel feelings of maybe some tension in the shoulders. You might get like a weird knot or butterfly sensation in your stomach. You might experience some anxiety or resentment or exhaustion, and these are just signs a boundary is needed. The body will whisper first before it screams. So make sure you listen to that little whisper before it's like, what are you doing? Okay. Step three, our third one, be clear. Be clear in how you speak and how you say things. Avoid saying things like, I guess maybe. Instead, I want you to say, I won't be able to. And again, a simple, respectful, and firm boundary. Instead of saying maybe, just say no, because if you're saying maybe, you already want to say no, you already don't want to do it. So you're not available. It's okay. And the last step, number four, is I want you to release the need to be understood. This one is extremely difficult because we all tend to overexplain, and we shouldn't always have to explain ourselves to keep them content or happy. People do not have to agree with your boundaries, they only have to hear them. Setting the boundary is the easy part. Keeping it is where the growth begins. Every time we ignore our own boundary, we teach others that our words don't matter. Consistency builds self-trust. So each time you honor your boundary, you're also honoring yourself. Um, and you'll start to experience some things when you start setting boundaries, especially in a family or maybe like a large group setting. Um, sometimes setting boundaries is very triggering for other, for other people. And you start setting those boundaries, and people might come back to you and say that you've changed, that you're selfish, that you're too sensitive, and you've become too difficult. Um and just a reminder here when somebody are when somebody you love is saying those things, um they're not adjusting well to those boundaries. And healthy people will adjust, and other people will resist. The people who benefited from your lack of boundaries are often the ones most upset when you create them. That doesn't necessarily make them bad people, it means that the relationship dynamic is starting to change. And so when you are in those difficult moments, when someone is pushing against your boundaries, you're gonna have to take a second, you're gonna have to pause, you're probably gonna have to take a deep breath, don't argue, don't defend. You're going to repeat that boundary calmly. For an example, I understand you're upset, but my answer is still no. Or you can validate how they're feeling. I hear how you feel. Or this is still what's best for me. The calmer you become, the stronger your boundary will become as well. Boundaries aren't supposed to be punishment, they aren't rejection, they're respect for yourself. Healthy boundaries often create healthier relationships. Resentment has less room to grow in these relationships, and authenticity has more room to breathe. Do you have any thoughts on like setting boundaries? Do you ever have to set boundaries with your friends? No, not really. No, not really. Everybody's super respectful and yeah, I think you have a really good um friend group. Friend group, yeah. Cool. Do you have anything that you want to share about boundaries? Have you ever had to set a boundary with someone?

SPEAKER_01 18:48

No, I don't think I've ever had to set any boundaries with anyone.

SPEAKER_00 18:51

Not yet, anyways. Not yet. Yeah, because you are still a kid and there's lots of Yep, time for that, huh? Yeah. All right, so we are going to go ahead and move into the note card part of our podcast. And so go ahead, grab your note card, grab your journal. We're gonna answer a few questions here. And so the first question I want you to answer yourself is what relationship could benefit from healthier boundaries? What relationship could benefit from healthier boundaries? The second thing I want you to answer is what boundary have you been afraid to set? What boundary have you been afraid to set? And the third question I want you to answer is, what would your life feel like if you trusted yourself enough to honor your limits? Again, what would your life feel like if you trusted yourself enough to honor your limits? And when we set these boundaries, um, our boundaries aren't about building walls. Uh they are about building gates. Walls tend to keep everyone out, and we don't want that. A gate is going to allow love in with intention. The people who truly love you may not always like your boundaries, but they will eventually learn to respect them. And the relationship you build with yourself by honoring your own limits is the one of the greatest acts of self-love you will ever practice for yourself. So I highly encourage you guys to move through this week practicing those boundaries, maybe even saying no at least once this week to something that you just don't want to do. And there's always a kind way to tell someone that you're not interested. And we can always choose to take that route. So, with all that being said, we are going to go ahead and jump into our meditation part. Um, Matthew is gonna play the bulls for us, so this will be really exciting, and I'm going to guide you through a short meditation just to bring you back to yourself. Go ahead and take a nice easy seat, however that may look like for you, and gently close your eyes or soften the gaze and allow your body to become heavy against the earth beneath you. Take a slow inhale. And with each exhale after, imagine releasing any expectations you've been carrying. Could be expectations to always say yes, to always be available, to always put yourself last. You no longer have to carry these anymore. Now silently repeat these words. I am worthy of rest. I am worthy of respect. I am worthy of peace. My boundaries are an act of love. Every time I honor myself, I strengthen my spirit. Slowly bring your hands to heart center. And may you leave here today, remembering that boundaries don't push love away. They protect the space where love can grow. Thank you so much for joining us today, Namaste.