“It’s been 10 months & I still don’t feel like me”…

If it’s been months or even years after your C-section and you still don’t feel like yourself… you’re not alone.

In this episode, we explore why so many women experience anxiety, emotional disconnection and nervous system dysregulation after a traumatic or unexpected birth and why it’s completely normal.

✨ Understand postpartum emotional changes

✨ Learn how trauma is stored in the body

✨ Begin your healing after a C-section

There is nothing wrong with you. Your body just hasn’t had the support it needs to process what happened.

🤍 Join The C-Section Healing Space

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:01

Hey, welcome back to the C-Section Healing Space podcast. My name's Davina and today I wanted to talk about a message I received over on TikTok. A mum had said it's been 10 months and I still don't feel like myself. Why?

SPEAKER_00 0:26

And I've had many messages like that. I think so many women can feel like they're alone in that.

SPEAKER_01 0:41

But you're not alone. I received so many, so many messages. Whether it's been three months, five months, ten months, a year, two years, five years, ten years, twenty years. I had two ladies who told me that it had been 30 years since their traumatic c-section, and that they still couldn't look at their scar, and that they still welled up when they thought about their birth. I call it a silent trauma. It's one that we don't talk about enough. We're so used to just getting on with it and keeping it all inside. Or feeling like there must be something wrong with us as to why we feel the way we do because when you look at social media or TV, movie, films, everybody looks fine. Everyone looks fine after their birth.

SPEAKER_00 2:09

And also I think that there is this what I call the trauma Olympics.

SPEAKER_01 2:21

So in all of our minds, you probably have a hierarchy of what trauma should look like. You know, if you've been through X, then you should feel like this, and if you've been through Y, then you should feel like this. I used to run a birth trauma support group, it was online. I've also done them in person, but this particular one was online. And there was a woman in there who had lost her son. Her son had died, and it was due to medical negligence. And as another woman was sharing her story of how her birth was very difficult, traumatic, um she hasn't been able to go back to work. Her daughter is still quite ill. Um, it's also affected her relationship with her husband. And the woman who had lost her son said to her, Wow, it doesn't go unnoticed to me that because I lost my child, that my child died, that I had so much support around me, to the point that I actually feel like I can continue. And because you had a quote-unquote normal birth, you receive no help. And this is what made me think about the trauma Olympics, because we probably all have in our minds the person who has lost their child, like they're at the top, right? But the person who has a quote-unquote normal birth, but found it distressing, to the point that they can't go back to work and it's affected their relationship. Because on the outside you had a normal birth, quote, unquote.

SPEAKER_00 4:52

You receive nothing, there's no help.

SPEAKER_01 5:09

But we do. And there's so much that is happening physically, emotionally, spiritually, energetically, when you've had a traumatic birth, whether it's D-section or a vagina birth. So to be ten months post and still not feel like yourself is actually normal. It really is. Because if you really think about it. Realizing that some of you might just need what I just said to land. That might have been the first time you've heard that before that your birth is valued. That how you feel is justified. There's so much going on emotionally, spiritually, energetically, emotionally, physically. After a C-section that either wasn't planned, it was unplanned, or it just wasn't as you expected. You weren't expecting that to happen, or vagina border. That you needed false or Vontous or just something that didn't go the way you wanted. The way you had envisioned or planned for it to go. Even if your c-section was planned, because your body has a rhythm, it has inner workings, and it knows that that's how it gives birth, so that's what it was preparing for. So then when a unplanned, even planned C-section comes in, the body is surprised. Um, it can be in shock, it's wondering, like, what's happening? Um, and then that surprise and shock sends your nervous system into fight or flight, or freeze, or fawn. And it stays there. And you just continue living like that, and it's not consciously, you don't know that you're doing that, but it stays there, and you live from this space of being in high alert, and living in high alert is exhausting. So it might be that the smallest of things happen and you have a really big reaction to it, and it's not that's not usually you, you don't normally do that, and then you might be thinking to yourself, you know what's wrong with me? Like I don't know why I would act that way just because I spilt water, like it's not a problem, but it feels like a really big problem, and there's nothing wrong with you, it's because your body is in high alert, it's highly vigilant, so everything is heightened. You might also be someone who maybe can't even access their emotions or their tears. You may have put up a wall to protect yourself so that nothing can get in, and now you actually don't feel as emotional or connected as you'd like to. That can also be part of it. And it's from that same place of being in constant survival mode. That's what it feels like. Being in constant survival mode feels like anxiety, feeling on edge, hyper-vigilant, not able to rest. You may find that you have some time, like some time might be come available, and you're able to just sit down and rest, but you'll always find something to do. The cooking, the cleaning, the food shop, tidying up. You can't rest. And you will say it's because, well, I've got all those things to do, but really what's happening is that your body doesn't feel safe to rest, which is why you're up and down doing all sorts. It's the same when you go to bed, like you feel really tired and you're ready for bed. But you go to lie down and ping, you're awake, and so you just doom scroll until 2 a.m. And you'll say it was because I haven't had any time to myself. But really what's happening is your body doesn't feel safe to rest. And that's just the physical. The emotional, you expected your birth to be one way and it came out another. That's a lot to deal with emotionally, especially when society makes you feel that you should just be grateful, and so it makes you feel ungrateful that you have any other types of feelings, when actually all of your feelings are valid, and it's okay to grieve the birth that you didn't get to have. So when you say to yourself, it's been ten months, five years, ten years, twenty years, and I don't feel like myself, you can ask yourself, have you ever had time to process the experience? Did you ever have any time to grieve the birth that you wish you had? Did anybody guide you through the emotional, physical, spiritual, and energetic healing that comes after a traumatic c-section? Did you ever get held in any of those moments? Or were you just told to get on with it? So be gentle with yourself. There's nothing wrong with you if you don't feel like yourself months or years later. You were never given the time to process your experience, and it requires it. It requires healing. That's what we do inside the C-section healing space school, a living school for women who are reclaiming themselves. And you'll find the details in the description. Just remember that you're not alone in this. And you can absolutely come back to yourself. You just need the right support.