You Can Follow Jesus And Still Struggle With Depression

Depression can make you feel isolated even when you’re surrounded by people, and it can twist your thoughts until lies sound like facts. We’re Troy and Amy, and we’re getting painfully honest about what depression looked like in our home, what it did to our faith, and what started to change when we stopped hiding and started naming the internal battle. If you’ve ever wondered whether you can love Jesus and still feel heavy, stuck, or ashamed, you’re not alone. 

We talk about the moments that scared us, the frustration of wanting to “fix” someone you love, and why simple presence and listening can be a lifeline. We also speak openly about medication for depression as a tool that can help you climb out of the darkest place, even while deeper healing takes time. Along the way we unpack the power of wise counsel, why isolation feeds the spiral, and how replacing negative thought patterns with biblical truth can start breaking strongholds. 

You’ll also hear practical habits that support Christian mental health: recognizing triggers, staying in community, taking one step at a time, honest prayer when you’re angry at God, and keeping Scripture close when reading feels impossible. We share specific Bible verses for anxiety and depression plus Psalm 139 as a reminder of God’s presence and your worth. If this conversation helps you, subscribe, share it with a friend, and leave a review so more people can find hope in the chaos.

Deuteronomy 31:6,8

Psalms 34:18

Isaiah 41:10

Romans 15:13

Philippians 4:6-7

1 Peter 5:7

Matthew 11:28

Music by AlexGrohl from Pixabay

Transcript

Welcome To Kingdom Chaos

SPEAKER_01 0:07

Welcome to Kingdom Chaos, a podcast for anyone trying to live a purpose and faith-filled life in a loud and messy world. Jesus said his kingdom in the story, yet here we are navigating real life and real struggles. I'm not a guru, just someone learning that God's grace meets us even in the chaos. This is Kingdom Chaos, where faith meets real life, and purpose is still found in the mess. Hey, welcome back to Kingdom Chaos. My name is Troy, and in today's episode, we're going to get a bit personal. In recent episodes, we talked about identity and the lies that we believe and how they shape the way we live. And today we're going to talk about something that many people experience but many people avoid talking about, and that's depression. Let me say up front that following Jesus, it doesn't mean that we never struggle. It doesn't mean that the thoughts are always perfect or the heaviness just disappears overnight. It means that we fate we don't face the battle alone and we don't fight the same way anymore. Even after I gave my life to Christ, the worry and anger and the control issues I talked about in previous episodes, they didn't magically vanish. But I'm not the same person I used to be. I don't respond the same way. I don't stay stuck or carry things the same way I used to, because now I rely on Jesus daily. This episode isn't about being perfect, it's about dependence. Amy's going to share her story about depression and what she went through and what it felt like, what the internal battle looked like, and how trusting Jesus changed how she walked through it, even when the feelings didn't fully disappear. God doesn't always remove the struggle, but he changes how we walk through it.

SPEAKER_00 1:55

So depression for me didn't always look um like what everyone expects. I want to say up front that depression is different for everyone, but for me, most of the time it was just this constant heaviness. For example, I could be surrounded by family and friends, but I still personally felt very alone. Um internally, I was confused. I wrestled with identity and self-worth a lot. Um, I believed lies for so long that they felt very true. I had no idea that they were really lies. I carried unspoken expectations for what life should look like. And so when reality didn't match, I felt even like more of a failure. Again, my self-worth was very low. I also compared myself to others a lot. If I'm honest, I blamed people. I didn't understand when God seemed like he was blessing others for things that I wanted, but then they got, but yet in my own mind, it didn't seem like they were worthy or deserved it. And so I even blamed God. Um, I assumed that because my life didn't look the way I wanted it to, that God must not love me. And so no matter what I did, I just never felt like I was enough. Again, I felt very unworthy, unlovable. I at points I didn't even like myself, much less love myself. I didn't feel like anyone understood what I what was going on on the inside of me. I tried to talk to Troy at some points. Um, and again, y'all have heard about our communication issues. Um, I didn't know how to communicate the way I was feeling. I didn't know what was going on inside of me, and Troy didn't know how to fix it, right? So looking back, I know that God was there. I can see that God was there then, but at the time, in the middle of it, I didn't recognize his presence yet. He wasn't absent, I just didn't know how to see him.

SPEAKER_01 4:03

And I think that's such an important part because depression isn't just about your circumstances or things that are going on around you, the external stuff, but it's an internal battle.

When The Thoughts Turn Dangerous

SPEAKER_00 4:12

Exactly. It wasn't just about external circumstances, the root issue was my thought process, my negative thoughts, always constantly questioning my self-worth and just feeling stuck in that negative thought pattern, and I couldn't move forward. I didn't realize it, but I accepted those lies as truth and they controlled everything about me. I had even convinced myself that you and the kids would be better without me. I remember there were days when I couldn't get out of bed and I was crying and telling you that I no longer wanted to live. And I remember you asking me what you could do to help, but at that point I didn't know. I didn't know what was wrong with me, I didn't know how I could fix it or what you needed to do.

SPEAKER_01 4:59

And I remember that too. I remember that just I I've never felt depression or that kind of a low point. And I remember that I felt helpless in that and not being able to do anything, and I wanted to help, and of course, as a guy, I'm a I'm a fixer, and I felt helpless in that situation and not being able to do anything.

SPEAKER_00 5:20

Yeah, so if you're a spouse and you have someone in your life, or if your significant other is going through depression, there's not a thing that you can do to help them, right? Um, just being there and just listening and just holding them, giving them a hug. I mean, just being there is just enough. Yeah, right. There's nothing that you can do to help that person. But I remember you did make me a doctor's appointment, and medication did help me climb out of that pit, out of that dark place. It didn't erase the negative thoughts, and it didn't ultimately solve the issue. There were times when I hated taking the medication because I didn't feel like myself. I guess I had just been in that place for so long. I didn't feel like myself not being in that place. And so the medicine, I really didn't like it, even though it made me happier on the outside. The root of my negative thought pattern, it was still there. I just was able to get out of bed and not cry all day. So that helps.

SPEAKER_01 6:28

That helped, yeah. At least the medication, though, was a starting point for you, right? It was a it was a way for you to start the process of the healing part of it, right? Yeah. Yeah.

Speaking Lies Into The Light

SPEAKER_00 6:41

So now I realize that just because a thought comes into your mind, it doesn't mean that it belongs there. Um, and it definitely doesn't mean that it's true. But again, that took me a long time to learn. My turning point was honestly just walking into church alone. I heard truth that didn't match my feelings, and at first that was very, very uncomfortable because my feelings had been so loud, and it was just as much as it made me unhappy in a weird way, it was my comfort place. That's the only thing I knew. But the truth was steady, it never changed, and so that was very uncomfortable and very different for me. John 8 32 says, the truth will set you free. And for me, that truly meant that confronting the truth with the lies that I had believed for so long and bringing them into the light, it made the lies lose its power. Again, it was very scary to confront that and it was very uncomfortable. But that's what that scripture speaks to me is the truth will set you free, meaning speak the lies, speak them out loud so you can hear with your ears that they're ridiculous. They're ridiculous lies. And so whenever you find out what God's truth is and you replace those lies with the truth, that is the freeing part.

SPEAKER_01 8:09

Yeah, and I think the enemy wants us, we give the enemy too much power. And what we do is we hold those lies in, and so it's like it builds up a darkness inside of us, and that's that dark place you get to, right? And you just you live there. And so you're you're living inside this dark place inside you instead of out, you know, in the open and with people and pr in the present and all that stuff. And once you start to speak that, especially to someone, but speak it out loud, even if it's at first just yourself, to say, I identify this as a lie, it starts to bring that light in, and that darkness has to flee.

SPEAKER_00 8:43

Yeah. And I think when the Bible talks about strongholds, that's that stronghold, like the enemy keeps you captive in that. So I also had to say out loud to a trusted person, like you said, not even speaking it out loud to myself, but speaking it to a trusted person. And I want to make sure that people understand a trusted person also needs to have Christ in their life because that's that truth that you need. That's the truth that's going to help you overcome this.

SPEAKER_01 9:12

Yeah. And in in Psalms 1, it talks about that wise counsel, needs to be a Christian person that believes in God. You need to go to that person that's going to help you. And it doesn't mean fix. I'm not talking about fix, but I mean that they need to have, they need to be going the same direction. We're not talking about perfect people, they have their own problems, but we're going in the same direction. They can lift you up with good biblical principles and more importantly, pray with you.

SPEAKER_00 9:38

Right.

SPEAKER_01 9:38

You know, and listen to you and and be that person. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 9:41

Because honestly, when you're in that deep depression, it is hard to find the truth when you're in that place. The Bible is very heavy. I mean, there's parts of the Bible that's very depressing, and it's a hard story, right? There's a lot of dark places in the Bible.

SPEAKER_01 9:58

A lot of struggle, yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 9:59

And so when you're in that deep place, I I will be one that tells you don't just randomly open your Bible and start reading.

SPEAKER_01 10:08

Don't start reading Job and watch his family disappear. Yes, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:12

There's so many hard stories in the Bible. So at the end of this podcast, I will definitely give you God's promises that I cling to on the hard days. So if you are in that dark place, those are the scriptures that you just meditate on and repeat over and over.

SPEAKER_01 10:30

And uh and in these Bible stories, there's a lot of hope and redemption. The thing is when we're in a dark place, we don't see that. You don't can't see that.

SPEAKER_00 10:37

Yeah. But that's another reason why to talk to someone who is that wise counsel, right? Because when you can't find the truth, when you can't find the hope and the light, they can speak that into your life. And so it's very hard to find on your own when you're already so deep in that depression. But it is necessary. So when you speak the lie out loud, it starts, like we said, it starts to lose its grip. And again, you can hear how wrong it sounds. Um, but if it stays in your head, it absolutely has nowhere else to go. Yeah, it just m manifests and just gets bigger and bigger.

SPEAKER_01 11:17

Yeah, and I think this is a huge part too, that when people accept Christ, this doesn't mean everything's perfect. You know, oh, okay, now I'm gonna have a perfect life. The thoughts are gonna go away. I'm out of that dark place immediately. Everything magically is perfect, doesn't work that way.

Trauma And Anger Toward God

SPEAKER_00 11:31

Yeah, and it definitely didn't magically disappear. Even after coming to Christ, um, I still felt heaviness at times. I still struggled mentally. I still have my bad days. And like I said, when you're in a deep depression, reading the Bible can be very hard. Some of the passages are very heavy, depressing, and a hard truth to accept. But again, scripture is so honest about the suffering. For example, Jeremiah, Elijah, David, and Jonah, and like you said, Job, they all battled with depression and they wrestled deeply with God and his truth. I also carried real pain from my past. Um, I had seasons where I was angry at God and couldn't understand why he allowed certain things to happen. So, for example, at the age of nine, I was molested by my best friend's dad while I was having a sleepover at her house. Um, and then my aunt, the one that took me to church and introduced me to Jesus, and she absolutely loved Jesus with her whole heart. She was murdered when I was 13. I relate a lot to Jonah because Jonah was mad at God. He didn't want to do what God told him to do, he didn't want to help the people that he didn't like, he didn't want to pray for them, he didn't want them to be saved.

SPEAKER_01 12:52

And so and the thing about Jonah is he believed in God. Yeah, he knew if he went, those people might be saved. And so, yeah, and he was running.

SPEAKER_00 13:01

But that anger and that not understanding God's desire and purpose, and yes, he knew God, but he knew God so well that he knew how much God loved all people. Yeah, and Jonah didn't love all people, those people had hurt him deeply, right? The amazing thing about scripture is it's so honest, it's true, and God understands, he understands the hurt and the pain, and that there is evil in the world, right? And but God loves all people. It doesn't mean that it's perfection, but this is the transforming truth of God's word that happens over time. And so for me to get over the the anger and just the not understanding why a God allows certain things to happen, I had to understand and get to know who God truly was. So it's not just about myself, and that's where when I was in deep depression, I was very focused on myself, my my feelings, and it was all about me. And so I had to take my focus and put it somewhere else.

SPEAKER_01 14:12

And for me, my worry and anger can and control issues, they would still sometimes be there, they're still on the surface. And the way I think that when we are created to this new in this new creation with Christ, like we've talked about, it's not that everything gets wiped away. He doesn't wipe everything away because if he did, if everything was perfect and we were always on this mountaintop, we would never need to go to him anymore. It would be over with. So that's where my worry and control and everything, I can still feel on the surface, but I deal with it differently. It's a different way of um, you know, where we go from here when the worry pops in my mind. Well, I'm not gonna worry and try to change the past or the the future and try to live in the future. I'm gonna go to God with that and release that to him and say, You've got this. I don't, I don't know what's gonna happen, or the control stuff, or whatever it is. It's just we deal with things differently.

SPEAKER_00 15:06

Yeah, and that honestly, when you were talking about that, it reminds me of Elijah's story. Elijah, when he battled with depression, he had just come off the mountaintop.

SPEAKER_01 15:15

Right, God delivered him, and then two seconds later, it seems like in the Bible, he's literally like three verses or something, like it's really short.

SPEAKER_00 15:23

Yeah, yeah, and he's begging God, let me die, I'm done, right? And so it is that daily dependence on God. We can't stay on the mountaintop because then life is too easy, right?

SPEAKER_01 15:38

We have to be able to dependence on him, dependence on God.

SPEAKER_00 15:41

Not that he wants it to be hard for us, but we have to remember as human beings.

Daily Dependence In Real Life

SPEAKER_01 15:45

We're fickle and we will turn. And yeah, absolutely, absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 15:50

So before I would sit in it, I would believe the thoughts, I couldn't recognize the lies, and then I would just spiral, right? And so now it looks different. I can recognize the lies, I speak it, I speak it out loudly to me, I speak it out loudly to you or another trusted friend. Um, and I pray immediately to God. Yeah. Um, that's the big one. And then I replace it with truth. And honestly, I've learned to turn my thoughts into prayers the moment they show up. So as soon as a negative thought or um a lie pops in, I immediately turn that into a prayer to God.

SPEAKER_01 16:30

Yeah, and I think that's the theme that's kind of popping up, not in just this episode, but I think in this podcast of that daily dependence on God. And we need, you know, talk about quiet time, talk about prayer, we talk, and it's just a daily dependence. We need to go to him so often.

SPEAKER_00 16:46

Yeah, so just like John 15 5 says, apart from me, you can do nothing. And that right there becomes so real. Apart from God, we can do nothing. So I've learned not to let my feelings lead. Um, before I my feelings led everything about me. Um, but now I speak truth over them. I don't let my feeling, even whenever I my feelings are kind of taking control, I speak truth, and then my feelings will follow that.

SPEAKER_01 17:17

Yeah. So practically, what helps you day to day?

SPEAKER_00 17:20

So again, I recognize the triggers, what triggers me and what the lies are behind them, and then I go to God immediately. I currently stay in scripture, I keep his promises close. So again, at the end of this podcast, I will tell you which promises so that if you are in that deep depression, that I will give you his promises that have helped me. Also, another thing I used to do is I would withdraw and I would isolate myself. So even if you feel like it, do not do that. Um, sometimes it's as simple as going to a coffee shop, just being in a room with people, but also just not sitting there by yourself, but making eye contact, saying, hi, how are you, talking to someone. And then even doing something small for someone else can help shift your focus off of yourself and bring hope to you because it's gonna help you more than it's even helping that other person. So even you know, buying somebody a coffee, yeah, that small act of generosity can help change your focus from inward to outward. Um, community matters. So just being in community with other fellow believers. Um faith was never meant to be lived alone. So being isolated is absolutely you just as much as you want to, um, you just can't isolate yourself. You have to be around others and talk to them about what you're going through. So another thing that helps me is I know this is probably the hardest thing that absolutely helps me, but I don't like to hear it and don't like to do it, is healthy eating and exercise. Your physical health is plays a big part into your emotional and spiritual health. And if anyone knows me knows that I do not like to eat healthy and um exercise, but Troy tries to hold me accountable. Struggle is real in a nice way, yeah. Just taking one day at a time and not making things too big. Yeah. For example, getting out of bed and taking a shower will work wonders when you're in that deep depression.

SPEAKER_01 19:38

Yeah, I think that goes for everybody, whether you're going through a a mental issue like depression or not, it's not looking so far in the future and trying to plan out your entire life, but it's one step at a time. Yeah. You know, get up and make your bed, get up and take a shower, get up and brush your teeth, like one thing at a time, and just take it slowly.

Promises To Repeat On Hard Days

SPEAKER_00 19:59

And then praying honestly, this is the big thing is you can be very, very honest to God in your prayers because he can handle it. You do not have to sugarcoat how you're feeling. If you are absolutely 100% mad at God and don't understand anything that's going on, tell him he understands it and he can handle it. And then, like I said before, just staying connected is super, super important. Please do not isolate yourself. You're not alone. People do understand. Um, you're not the only one going through it, and so having others around you can help you. So if you're listening and you are in that deep depression, please know that that does not mean that you're broken. You may still feel it, but you don't have to be controlled by it. You are just being transformed, and that takes time. So God's promises, they're super important. And we're about to go through them, but I encourage you to have them in your notes in your phone so that they are easily accessible. Have them written down and posted at places within your home. And if you can, memorize them. You need those God, you need scripture easily available whenever you're going through a hard moment. And I also take God's promises and I make them very personal. So I'll show you in a moment what those look like.

SPEAKER_01 21:28

And I think it's really important, like you said, to memorize, even if you just memorize one, but you can go to that anytime. It doesn't matter. You don't have to have your phone, you don't have to have a piece of paper, but you can go that to that place in your heart and see, I've got this, I'm gonna hold on to this promise, these five words, these ten words, one verse. Uh, and and then maybe you can do a second verse and then a third verse, and maybe it just starts to build, but start with one and just have that on your heart.

SPEAKER_00 22:00

So God's promises that I hold on to, I'll read a few of them to you. So first one is Deuteronomy 31 6. Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them. For the Lord your God goes with you. He will never leave you nor forsake you. So for example, when I read this, I say, I will be strong and courageous. I will not be afraid or terrified. For you, God, are with me and go before me, and you will never leave me or forsake me. So I make that promise very personal. He is talking to me. And again, I'm I don't want to keep the focus as me, but I I need to hear God say that to myself, right? And then I find this comforting because just in two verses later in verse eight, he says, The Lord Himself goes before you and will be with you. He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid and do not be discouraged. So basically, God tells us over and over and over again these promises, just in a couple of verses, he repeats himself, and that's what we need to do to ourselves. We need to repeat these to ourselves over and over and have that truth sink in. And then Psalm 34, 18, the Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Um Isaiah 41 10. So do not fear, for I am with you. Do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Romans 15, 13, may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Philippians 4, 6 through 7, this one right here is my life verse. Um, do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition with thanksgiving, present your request to God, and the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your heart and your minds in Christ Jesus. What I love about this verse is then he goes into verse eight and nine, and he tells us what to think about. Verse six and seven, that's the one that I repeat to myself over and over. But then I love verse eight and nine because he says, Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, if anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me or seen in me, put it into practice, and the God of peace will be with you. So not only is he telling you what things to think about, so that means turning off your newsfeed because it's too much negativity, right? Think about the the good things because there are a lot of good things in this world to think about. So think about wonderful things, find the good in everything. Not that everything is good, but find the good in everything. God brings good out of everything.

SPEAKER_01 25:20

You'll find what you're looking for. Yeah. If it's bad stuff, you'll find it.

Psalm 139 And Identity Repair

SPEAKER_00 25:23

Yeah, exactly. So then 1 Peter 5 7, cast your anxiety on him because he cares for you. Jesus knows what you're going through. He dealt with depression the night before he was crucified. And so he knows what we're dealing with. He knows what betrayal feels like, he knows what loneliness feels like. Jesus says in Matthew 11 28, he says, Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. And so Jesus can relate to you. And so if there's one place where you can open up your Bible and just read the one verse that I can't, I'm I'm not gonna read all of it, but one that I always go to is Psalm 139. So there are pieces of Psalm 139 that not only tell me who I am, but it also tells me who God is. And I'll read you a couple of them, but if you just want to read Psalm 139, it just reminds you who God is and who you are. So it starts out and it says, You have searched me, Lord, and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise, you perceive my thoughts from afar, you discern my going out and my lying down, and you're familiar with all my ways. Guys, like God knows you, He knows everything about you, and He loves you unconditionally. You created my inmost being, you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Your works are wonderful, and I know that full well. God made you perfectly. Not that you're perfect, but he did not make any mistakes when he made you. He loves you and he created you. It says, Where can I go from your spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go to the heavens, you are there. If I make my bed in the depths, you are there. You can't escape, God. He is with you wherever you are, in the, like you said, the mountaintops and in the valleys, he is there. And then the psalm closes and it says, Search me, God, and know my heart. Test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there's any offensive way in me and lead me to the way everlasting. So that always reminds me to reflect on what I'm doing, what I'm thinking. Is there any sin that I need to repent of? Because the Holy Spirit kind of convicts us, right? Whenever we're doing or some saying something that's quite not right that He doesn't want for us, that sin needs to be dealt with. And you need to repent and pray and ask for forgiveness. And so, but I think some of that sadness when we do something, um, we need to ask God, search my heart, show me where where something's not right that you're you don't have for me, right? And and that needs to be um acknowledged and forgiven.

Practical Help And Closing Prayer

SPEAKER_01 28:23

And when you do that, like we said before, that doesn't mean the struggle is removed, it just means we walk through it differently, right? And you know, there's a spiritual side and a practical side to this. Uh, you know, I think sometimes we mistake that, okay, we're gonna pray to God, and he always uh heals everything, and and but there's sometimes that he wants to work through people, so you might need to go to uh someone that has a medical degree for help, no matter what that is. I mean, a psychiatrist or therapist or whatever, uh, to be able to walk through that. And there's great Christian therapists and psychiatrists around, I'm sure, in your area, but um seek that again. Don't just seek anyone uh that that might have a medical degree, but seek somebody that is a Christ follower that can help you in both the spiritual and the real world, right? To be there to listen to you and to guide you, but also do it biblically. I think that's really important. So I I want to ask you if you don't mind praying for us and for people out there dealing with a lot of mental illness.

SPEAKER_00 29:31

Let's pray. Heavenly Father, we just thank you. Thank you for giving us the struggles in our life that bring us back to you. Like we talked about, just thank you for reminding us the daily dependence that we need from you. Um, we know that there are real, real storms and valleys in our lives, and um we know that you bring purpose out of every single one of them, and it's not easy. Um, but we know that you are with us through it all. And so we just thank you for that. Um, we just ask for your strength and for you to wrap your loving arms around us as we go through the hard days and the hard moments. We ask for your strength. Help us to be strong and courageous like you you tell us to be. We can't we know we can't do it without you, Father. And so we just ask for your help in that. We just ask for you to bring people into our lives that can help us through these times um to speak life into us and to um just help us see your truth, hear your truth, and put your truth into our lives. Help us to acknowledge any um unspoken sin that is going on in our hearts, whether it's bitterness or unforgiveness, um, anything that we need to um wrestle with in order to fully surrender our hearts to you, Father. We just ask for your help in that. I just lift up everyone listening to this, that they know how truly loved and accepted that they are, that you design them for a specific purpose, um, and that they are worthy of your love, that you died on the cross for them specifically, and that um I just lift them all up to you and ask for them to feel your love and your presence in their life. Um, and Father, we just thank you. Thank you for everything that you've done for us. Thank you for everything that you're going to continue to do and all the miracles that you're continuing to do in our lives. So we just love you and worship you in Jesus' name. We pray.

SPEAKER_01 32:06

What does happen?