Waiting on God in the Silence

Silence can mess with your head. You keep praying, you keep trying to do the right thing, and the only thing you hear back is… nothing. That’s where we’re going today, and we’re not treating it like a vague spiritual idea. We’re talking about the real waiting room of life when bills are due, doors keep closing, and you start wondering if God is still near.

I share my own five-year journey of learning to trust God when I can’t hear Him clearly, including two years of unemployment after leaving a stable insurance career to pursue a calling into pastoral ministry. I walk through the moment God first stirred that calling, the tension of stepping into theology school, and what it’s like when “good advice” pushes you toward comfort while your heart knows God already spoke. We also unpack why disappointment can turn into control, and how one hard correction changed my posture: “You didn’t even pray.”

We anchor the conversation in Scripture like Psalm 13, Isaiah 40:31, Lamentations 3, and Elijah’s encounter in 1 Kings 19 where God speaks through a gentle whisper. If you’re wrestling with unanswered prayer, Christian faith during hardship, spiritual waiting, or trusting God’s timing, this is for you.

If Kingdom Chaos encourages you, subscribe, share it with a friend who’s in a waiting season, and leave a five-star review with a note about what it’s helping you walk through.

Music by AlexGrohl from Pixabay

Transcript

Ask For Reviews And Why

When God Feels Silent

Called To Pastor In Worry

Choosing School Over Security

Two Years Unemployed And Obedient

Advice To Quit And Doubt

Rejected Jobs And A Turning Point

Elijah And The Gentle Whisper

Restoration Over Time And Encouragement

Prayer And Practical Next Steps

SPEAKER_00 0:07

Welcome to Kingdom Chaos, a podcast for anyone trying to live a purpose and faith-filled life in a loud and messy world. Jesus said his kingdom in another story, yet here we are navigating real life and real struggles. I'm not a guru, just someone learning that God's grace meets us even in the chaos. This is Kingdom Chaos where faith meets real life and purpose is still found in the mess. Hey guys, welcome back to Kingdom Chaos. My name is Troy, and today we're going to talk about waiting in the silence. But before we get to that, I would like to ask you guys to leave a review. Hopefully, leave us a five-star rating, but definitely write us something why you like listening to the podcast, what it's helped you uh go through, or just you like it to be on. I don't know. Maybe it encourages you, but write something for us. Uh we don't make any money off this podcast. We actually spend money to create it. We um actually give things away. We give books away, give resources away. We want to help people, and the more reviews we get, it kind of pushes this out in front of people. So hopefully people see it. Um again, it's not about followers or anything. We don't get anything out of this. We just want to tell our story, we want to build a kingdom, and we want to help uh couples as they come together and hopefully Jesus restores their marriage, or uh people that are going through mental illness, maybe they can uh capture those thoughts in their mind, things like that. So if you don't mind uh leaving a review and giving us a five-star rating on whatever platform you use, we're on Spotify, Apple, uh, podcast, all different kinds of platforms, but just leave us a review, it'd be great. Thank you so much. Have you ever prayed and prayed and prayed to God and felt like you were just kind of stuck in this waiting room or this prayer room? Like God's not answering you. You don't hear a word from him. And all you can think of is, Where are you, God? Why won't you answer me? Well, I have. And David even cried out to God in Psalm 13, one through two. He says, How long, Lord, will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? But when God feels silent, it's easy to wonder if he's still there. But God is still working in the background, even though you don't hear his voice, he is still there. He's not absent in the silence. Let me tell you about a five-year journey that God brought me through. And two of those, I was actually unemployed. I worked for 15 years in an insurance company, and I thought things were great. I loved it. I was providing for my family, and the pressure and stress of that job, I really enjoyed actually about every three weeks or so at the end of the month. There was a lot of pressure on a lot of moving parts, and we were selling insurance policies and all these things, and it it really felt good that I was um you know doing these different things and making these different deals, and I thought I was important in this and it was a great thing for me, and all this, and but actually I didn't realize that I was stuck, I didn't know that. And when I gave my life to Christ, I started to watch a lot of sermons, and one of these sermons was over worry, and I talked about this in the previous podcast on how God called me uh into a new season of my life, and actually, this was uh you know, it was about worry, and I realized worry is a sin, and I had to confess that, and I broke down in the office during my lunch hour while I was watching this sermon, and God spoke to me and said, all he said was pastor. I didn't hear an audible voice, I saw this vision in my head that God was calling me to pastor. I text Amy and told her, and she said, you know what, for a long time I thought it was supposed to be me, but you're right, it is supposed to be you. Lately I've been feeling it's you, and that is not the actual response I wanted to hear from her. I wanted her to say, No, you're crazy. This is not you, you don't know the Bible, all the same things I was saying to myself in my head. And then I text a pastor friend of mine and told him the same thing, and he said, Hey, let's meet. And so I met with him and he asked me some questions and we talked and discussed, and he said, You know what? This is a calling in your life, and you need to step into it. And again, not what I was expecting, not what I was looking for. I was looking for somebody to tell me that I was crazy again to to give me confirmation for what was in my head, not confirmation for what God was telling me to do, but that's not what was happening, and so I said, Okay, if this is the path God wants me to go on, I'm gonna pursue this. And I started looking at universities, I applied for Liberty University. We actually went to a Christian concert, and Liberty University was the sponsor or one of the sponsors for this concert, and so I applied for it, and it was a long time I didn't hear from him, and I was like, okay, maybe God does not want me to go to this school, so I started looking at DTS, which is Dallas uh Theological Seminary, and I was about to apply for that. The day I was gonna apply to that seminary, I got my acceptance letter from Liberty University, and so I was like, okay, well, God just wanted me to wait on him, and I'm glad I waited as long as I did, but I wish it would have been in different circumstances, like, oh, I wish I could tell you all I had the faith. I knew I was gonna get into the school and happen. But no, I I waited for a while. I did, but I didn't know where God was at. I didn't know what was going on, and so I was gonna pursue a different route, and then he said, Hey, you know, this is this is not the route you need to go, it needs to be this way where you originally had had uh applied to. So I was like, okay, so I'm I'm going to Liberty. So I got the calling of my life in in July of 2015, and I started going to school in October of that same year. About November, I realized that I could not go to school full-time and work at the job that I was working at anymore. That I was kind of I kind of had my foot in in both areas in my life and and I needed to have both feet in. Either I was gonna pursue God and what he called me to do full on, or I was gonna not and continue to you know live the life I was living. And obviously I wanted to obey God, and so I told my boss, hey, you know, I think this is time for me to move on. Uh, he agreed, actually, and because of some previous circumstances I won't go into, but he agreed, and I was like, wow, this is this is just crazy how God is confirming every step of what he called me to do, even though these things were hard. I mean, I worked for this job for 15 years. I knew my boss for a very long time, very close friend. Um, and so to tell him that I was moving on was very difficult, but he was very gracious, very understanding, and even confirming in my call. And it was shocking to me. And so that December said, hey, stay on till the end of the year. That this was like I think in November of 2015. So I stayed on through the end of the rest of November through the end of December, ended up uh leaving that job the beginning of 2016. I'm starting my new journey full on in school. So for two years, I'm unemployed. We had enough money to make it for about three to six months if we really stretched. So I didn't know what was going to happen. I didn't know how this was gonna work. I was hoping to get a job at the church, honestly. And so for two years, I was at the church nearly every day. And when I say nearly every day, I mean 99.9% of the time, either I was at the church doing my schoolwork or I was at the church serving one or the other, but I was at the church all the time, almost every single day. And I was just trying to be obedient to God. I felt like that was where I was supposed to be, and I was studying hard and I was going to school full-time to get my degree in theology, and there came a point in time where we were we started to struggle financially. I mean, whenever I quit my job, that was 75% or more of our income. So we were okay with that. I mean, we were obeying God and trusting him in our finances, and he he really came through in more ways than I can explain here on this podcast. But what happened through that period was a learning period for me. So I really felt like God wanted me to be there, but in my prayers, I wasn't hearing from God. That was concerning to me. About a year and a half or so in, maybe a year and eight months, a year and nine months, really I started getting really concerned about where I was at financially. We started to get to the point where we had to decide what bills we were gonna pay and what bills we weren't gonna pay. And uh a friend pastor of mine came to me, he knew what struggles we were going through, and he told me, he said, Hey, maybe you need to go back to insurance. I I know you're struggling in your finances and you're coming to the end of your rope, and maybe it's time for you to go back. Maybe this isn't what God's called you to do, but in my heart, I knew it was, and it was kind of that that part where Peter talked to Jesus and Jesus rebuked Peter and said, Hey, get behind me, Satan. It wasn't that this pastor in at all, any way, shape, or form was being an evil person or uh bad or deceiving or or anything like that, but it was Jesus' point to Peter was you have your eyes set on worldly things, not things of God. I even though I wasn't hearing from God directly, I had already heard from him. He told me to go in this path. I wasn't hearing from him in the moment, but I just knew this is what I was supposed to be doing because he told me, uh, you know, a year and a half, almost two years before he told me what to do. And so I had to stay obedient in that path. And people had good intentions for me, like this pastor, to say, hey, you've got bills to pay, you got kids at home, you got a wife, you got to provide. And I just knew I was supposed to be there, even though other people in their hearts they were trying to do the right thing and try to guide me. So I stayed. And God was working on me in that waiting room. In Isaiah 40, 31, it says, But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. In Lamentations 3 25 through 26, the Lord is good to those who wait for him, to their soul who seeks them. So at the end of these two years that I was unemployed, I was really crying out to God. I was really on my knees, just not understanding, telling God, I feel like I'm being obedient to you, but I don't understand what's going on. You're you're bringing us to the brink of financial ruin, is what it felt like, honestly. Uh, we were losing things, uh, vehicles, different different things, and and didn't know where to go from there. And uh at the church that I was I was at, there were three specific jobs over this two-year period that I applied for. And what was really hurting me and really testing me through this time was that these three specific positions, as I applied for these positions, each one of them disappeared. It wasn't just that somebody filled those spots, it those jobs, those positions actually went away. And each time I would apply, and man, I tell you what, that was a difficult moment in that two-year period. Each time that I was like, God, I don't know, because God didn't necessarily call me to the church that I was at, he called me to be a pastor. Uh, I wanted to work at the church I was at, but I didn't know what to do or where to go. And so every time I got denied, I I didn't have direction, and I was like, oh, it's just gutting. I don't know what to do, God. Where am I at? I'm crying out to you. And I remember that uh that was very difficult. And I remember I applied for one of the jobs, the job I ended up getting later on, and it was a year later uh that job had gone away, like I said, it was a year later the the person, the hiring person for that position came up to me and said, Hey, we want to interview again, you know, for this job. And um, I was so frustrated, I was so on the brink of being angry almost, and I said, No, I'm done, I'm tired, I don't want to be considered. Take my hat hat out of the ring. Uh don't even consider me. Uh something happened there in in my faith journey, something changed where that night God spoke to me and said, You didn't even pray. You didn't come to me about this, you decided. Who are you to decide? You're on my journey, my path, I've created for you. And so then I I prayed about it, and I said, You know what? I have no experience in this position, I don't have a degree, I have no education, I have no training, but God, if this is where you want me to be, this is where I'll go. So I trusted him. I uh had told that that hiring uh manager, I told her, hey, um go ahead and throw my hat back in the ring. Here's my updated resume, and if it's up to God, then that'll be where I'm supposed to be. I kind of explained the situation. I said, look, I I was uh I wasn't angry in the moment because it's taken so long and and I messed up. I said I I didn't pray about the situation. And uh there was some grace there in that moment from that person, and I appreciate that. And so they ended up interviewing me and I ended up getting the job. Uh that was um man, what a turning point that God kind of talked to me and said, You have got to come to me. Don't be arrogant in yourself. You have got to come to me. You're on my path I've chosen for you. You're being obedient. You're doing something that's good. It is a struggle, and you are your character is growing. But don't forget about me. I don't care that you're angry, come to me about that. I don't care that you're sad or depressed or it doesn't matter what your emotions are, come to me. Come to me and find rest, find answers, find guidance. And so that's what I did. God answered the prayers, and uh at that point, knowing that we were at wit's end, I guess, or I don't know why he decided to answer it at that time, but it's all in God's timing, and it's funny, it was in the silence of life, honestly, when there wasn't a lot of hectic things going on because there couldn't be. Uh we didn't have money to do things. Um, so we were silent a lot, or I was silent a lot. So I want to read a passage uh from first Kings 19, 11 through 12, part of Elijah's story. The Lord said, Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord. The Lord is about to pass by. Then a great powerful wind tore through the mountains and apart shattered the rocks before the Lord. But the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not an earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. After the fire came a gentle whisper. When Elijah Elijah heard it he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave. Then a voice said to him, What are you doing here, Elijah? Elijah didn't hear God in the wind, the earthquake, or the fire, he heard him in the gentle whisper. So are you being quiet and allowing God to speak to you? At the at the end of this two years and crying out to God, and he ended up giving me a job in the church, and there's a lot that went into it, and maybe at another time I'll kind of talk to you on how God worked through that. Because originally I did not trust God in this uh and you know, whenever I heard about the job and I didn't trust him in it, uh, but eventually said, you know what, I wasn't praying about it. I'm gonna go ahead and try to pursue this because it was in an area I didn't understand how God was gonna work and I was gonna be a pastor because that was his calling on my life. That's what I felt he was bringing me toward. But this job that I was offered and eventually took was didn't it in my eyes did not I didn't see how it was gonna lead me toward that path. But I trusted in him and did a lot of prayer and moved forward in this, but now looking at it, and then building back up in what was real and true and reality. And once that building up part happened, I was actually ordained in 2021, and I want to read you another passage, one from Ecclesiastes 3.11. He has made everything beautiful in its time, and he actually restored all our finances over time. Um, we're in a good place now. Uh but in the in the moments of the waiting period, it was it was hard. Uh, but I knew I had to stay faithful to him. I knew he'd already spoken to me. I knew where the path I needed to go. I didn't need him to speak to me every day, and I didn't realize that. And that's how my faith has changed and trusting him from then to now. I see how God works more, I know his character more, I understand him a bit more, and I don't pretend like I understand everything about God, but I do understand how he worked in my life, and that has helped me. My experience with him and my relationship with him has helped me now for the future and in the faith that I have. And I'll I'll tell you more about how positions have changed and things in my life have changed, and how those are similar to what my past experiences were, but the way I treated them were different because how my faith has grown. And man, it's just been an incredible experience. So I want to encourage you guys, if you are in the waiting room of life, in the waiting room of prayer, stay there. Stay there. God is working in your life, he is not absent from you, he is with you. Trust him. It's hard to do in moments, I know, but trust him. He's there, he's working with you, and eventually he'll make everything beautiful because God is never late, he's always right on time. Now we might think he's late in our perspective, but he's always on time. So trust him, be there with him, sit in that waiting room of life with God. Love you guys. Let's pray. Uh, Lord, I just thank you so much for what you've done in my life. I thank you so much for the uh the valleys. Uh, not that I I want to go through those things, but because of those valleys, I have a testimony that is yours, that you work through my life, that I can tell other people. So uh I pray for everyone listening to this episode, to this podcast. I pray that it encourages them, but I also pray that they take action steps, that they are moving forward in obedience, that they sit in the stillness, the quiet, and the waiting room of life, listening for you, because you will speak to them, and they hear the whisper, just like Elijah. They hear you in the whisper, and they move forward in obedience. And just because it hasn't been two or three or four years since you've sp spoken to them, you did speak to them. I pray that they stay obedient, stay close to that path that you've put them on, and that they don't waver, and that they find accountability partners and people they can trust and lean into. But more importantly, that daily that have a connection with you through prayer, through your word, and that you encourage them through that, even though they might not hear your voice, you're there with them all the time, building a relationship. So I just thank you so much. In Jesus' name we pray, Amen.