What If Suffering Is Where Strength Begins

Can faith survive when healing doesn't come, answers don't arrive, and suffering refuses to leave?

In this powerful and deeply honest conversation, Troy sits down with Sean Kennard—a former SWAT officer, professional MMA fighter, father, husband, Christ follower and leader with Mighty Oaks—as he shares his ongoing battle with a debilitating illness that has dramatically changed every aspect of his life. What makes this conversation unique is that Sean isn't looking back on suffering from the other side of victory. He's walking through it right now.

Together, they explore faith in suffering, trusting God through chronic illness, the tension between praying for healing and trusting God's sovereignty, and what it means to carry your cross when life doesn't make sense. This episode offers biblical encouragement for anyone facing pain, uncertainty, loss, health struggles, or seasons where God feels silent. Rather than asking, "Why is this happening?" Sean challenges listeners to consider a deeper question: What if suffering is where spiritual strength begins?

Read more about this topic: What If Suffering Is Where Strength Begins - Sean’s story sits at the intersection of chronic illness, faith, and the hard realities many families quietly carry.

What’s in this episode

* Sean's journey from SWAT officer and MMA fighter to battling a life-altering illness

* How chronic health struggles can challenge faith

* The reality of suffering as a Christian

* Trusting God's sovereignty while praying boldly for healing

* Why asking for help is often the first step toward healing

* How God works through community, family, and relationships

* The difference between fighting suffering and learning to suffer well

* What Sean's illness has taught him about Jesus

* Preparing your faith before life's valleys arrive

* Encouragement for anyone walking through pain, loss, uncertainty, or unanswered prayers

* How to remain faithful when circumstances don't change

Key Scriptures

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9

“Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.” Romans 5:3-5

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28

“God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.” Psalm 46:1

Reflection Questions

1. How do you typically respond when God doesn't answer prayers the way you hoped?
2. Are you trusting God's sovereignty only when life is going well?
3. What suffering in your life might God be using to strengthen your faith?
4. Have you allowed others to walk alongside you in your struggles?
5. Do you believe God is still good even when circumstances don't improve?
6. What would it look like to carry your cross faithfully in your current season?
7. Is your faith built on outcomes, or on God's character?
8. How can your suffering become a testimony that points others to Christ?

Key Takeaway

Real faith isn't proven when life is easy. It's revealed when suffering remains and you choose to trust God anyway. Sometimes God doesn't just teach us how to fight—He teaches us how to suffer faithfully.

Quote from the episode

"What I think God has been teaching me now is not how to fight, but actually how to suffer."

Follow Sean:

Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/seantopgunkennard/

YouTub - https://www.youtube.com/@SeanTopGunKennard

Podcast - https://www.mightyoaksprograms.org/category/podcast/

Music by AlexGrohl from Pixabay

Transcript

Welcome To Kingdom Chaos

SPEAKER_00 0:07

Welcome to Kingdom Chaos, a podcast for anyone trying to live a purpose and faith-filled life in a loud and messy world. Jesus said his kingdom in another world, yet here we are navigating real life and real struggles. I'm not a guru, just someone learning that God's grace meets us even in the chaos. This is Kingdom Chaos where faith meets real life and purpose is still found in the mess. I have a special guest with me, Sean, and I don't want to waste a lot of time. I want to go ahead and get into this because we have a lot to cover and I want to make sure we get into the meat of this. So, Sean, first of all, thank you for being on the podcast. I appreciate you.

From SWAT To Mighty Oaks

SPEAKER_00 0:51

Um, can you real quick just give everybody a you know a little bio on you, who you are? Who's Sean? Yeah, so um my name's Sean.

SPEAKER_01 1:01

I uh I'm you know 30, 37 years old. I was born and raised here in Texas, uh Texas boy, my whole life. Um I was a police officer for about 12 years. Uh I was a SWAN officer for for a lot of that time. Um and had the opportunity to uh leave police work to go work for uh an organization called Mighty Oaks. We serve the military and first responder community. Uh we're a faith-based organization, so our whole goal is to share with that community and and help them understand that no matter what their uniform looks like, if they have a relationship with God, then they can always be on mission. Um and so I love the work we do here at Mighty Oaks um and uh was a professional MMA fighter as well. So got to have have some fun doing that for a little while. And uh yeah, I got a wife and uh three kids, and we live here in Texas, and yeah, that's me.

SPEAKER_00 1:58

Yeah, awesome, fantastic.

Antibiotics And A Body Shutdown

SPEAKER_00 2:00

Well, uh I want to get into why you're here, your testimony. Kingdom Chaos Podcast, a lot of the things that we've done have been testimonies in the past, and what somebody has walked through and done that spiritually with God and what that looks like. But you're going through something right now, and uh which we've talked about. It's rare to hear somebody discuss hey, this is my hurts, my struggles, my valley I'm in right now, and this is how I'm walking through it. So if you could share what what are you going through, what's going on with you?

SPEAKER_01 2:30

We don't know a lot, uh, but I'll share what we know and what we think. A year ago I got really, really sick, and we were fairly confident that this is stemmed from an antibiotic injury. So in 24 in one of my fights, I broke my hand uh in the middle of the fight. Still won the fight. But I broke my hand and um I had surgery on the hand, and the the pins, there were pins that went from the outside of the skin into the skin. They thought the pins got infected, so they got really aggressive because they were scared that man, if this if this infection travels down the pins, these metal pins that go into the interior of your bone, then it'll spread through your entire body, right? And it'll kill you. They gave me a triple dose of antibiotics, three different antibiotics at a time. And if I look back, that I feel like that was the start of of my decline. So I think that just started to that just really wrecked my my, you know, there's a lot of antibiotics, and whether you choose to do antibiotics or not, that's not what I'm I'm here to discuss. Right, you know. Uh, but they can be potentially harmful, you know. And so um I started getting sick after that often, you know, so I think my immune system was compromised from that high dose of antibiotics, and I was still fighting, still training in a gym. And jujitsu and MMA is, you know, not the cleanest sport in the world, you know, you're sweating on each other, brute bleeding on each other. So it's a great sport, and I was at part of part and still am a part of a phenomenal gym, and I would say the cleanest gym there is, but you're gonna be dirty. So I would get recurring infections, and then what do they do with recurring infections? Well, they put you on more antibiotics, right? In April of last year, I was gearing up for a fight and I got a staph infection in my knee, and they put me on an antibiotic called clindomycin. And I will say this before anybody takes clindomycin, just men do some research on it. Uh, I mean, again, everybody has to make their own decisions on how they navigate their their medical choices. But I took clindomycin, I got really, really sick, foolishly still fought in June. Um, really, really ill. I was very ill, and I just never recovered. I've never recovered since since that last dose of clindomycin. And I I went through what I would call just a systemic shutdown. So by September, I couldn't eat food at all. I mean, I would I would eat like anything, and and my legs would buckle. Like they would like I would fall. Um it was it was it was like a poisonous response. Like my body was reacting to food as poison. Um that started to decline, of course, the weight loss or lost 50 pounds. And we've seen at this point, we've seen 20, you know, 20 doctors. Uh, I mean, we've done tens of thousands of dollars worth of tests. You know, I've I've done so much blood work, I I, you know, I mean, it's wild. We've seen everything from neurologists to uh you know, functional medicine doctors, western medicine doctors, GI doctors. Um, I've done some weird off-the-wall type therapies, you know. Um, we've done stem cells. I mean, we've done a lot to try to try to cure this. And what is believed is for me and for some doctors that we've seen, you know, believe that I've just completely destroyed the microbiome in your gut. You know, you have a microbiome in your gut, you have bacteria, everybody lives with bacteria in their gut, and it's you have some good bacteria, you have some bad bacteria. But they they live in in you know cohesion with themselves and they they work off of themselves. Well, when that when you take antibiotics, it really, really disrupts that microbiome. And and I took a large dose of antibiotics. So it's believed that my microbiome is completely disruptive to an extreme level, and it's hindering my body's ability to to function, and my immune system, my what they call your autonomic nervous system, it's just completely disruptive and out of whack. And so it just leaves you very, very sick and weak and fatigued, and you can't digest nutrients, so your body won't pick up weight. So that's that's the long short end of it. Um, so yeah, man, I've just been sick for a long time and just been waiting through how long, how long? Like a year, year and a half yeah. It's been a year now, yeah. So I started getting sick in 24 with those hands, but it wasn't with that hand surgery and the antibiotics, but it wasn't bad until April of last year is when it got really, really bad. And I've been really, really sick since then.

SPEAKER_00 7:12

Yeah, and what where like give the people understanding of what what you mean by really sick, like even mortality, like what's going on. Yeah, so I mean, we're pretty confident.

SPEAKER_01 7:22

Um in September when I had that full system shutdown. I mean, we we completed wheels and and I mean we were confident that I was gonna die. Um I I kind of you know, I have come through that that where my body doesn't just completely shut down when I eat, but when I eat, I get deathly ill. Yeah. I'm not talking like a little bit sick, like I get like like can hardly function. Right. You know, I get extreme, extreme brain fog, extreme, extreme nausea, extreme dizziness, like I can't hardly walk a straight line. Um, and it doesn't matter. I've done everything. I've I've done everything from strict carnivore to plant-based, you know, a plant-based diet, and everything in between. It does not, it does not matter what food I put in my stomach. Uh extreme fatigue, you know. I was a professional athlete. Um, you know, transparently, like if I do the dishes, I get exhausted. Yeah, you know, it's just wild. It's the wildest thing I've ever experienced. And to be honest, it seems like we're going through another decline here recently. I'm just here to be vulnerable and honest. We're we're not, I mean, we're not sure that I'm I'm not gonna die. You know, we actually I I mean, if I I believe I heard the Lord tell me he I was not gonna die from this, but I I'm not sure. Yeah because at this point, I actually if if somebody were to ask me, hey, do you think you're gonna die from this? At this point, I am I am kind of like, uh, I might I might. I don't know. You know, I'm not gonna stop fighting, yeah. But the way I feel now and and how my body is rejecting food here recently, and the way I've been feeling worse and worse and worse, I mean, if this continues at this rate, then yes, eventually, you know, slowly, yeah, which is the worst part of it. Right. Slowly, slowly, you know, slowly die, you know.

SPEAKER_00 9:10

So and you mentioned God and hearing

Talking To God When Dying

SPEAKER_00 9:13

from him. So tell me, this is really I really want to know is whenever you first got this, uh I'd call it diagnosis, but uh, I don't even know if it's really a diagnosis, but but really got this news, really knowing that you're declining, really losing that much weight. What was your honest conversations with God behind closed doors? Like what what did you really talk to him about?

SPEAKER_01 9:35

Why me, or like I don't know, what were your Yeah, you know, um I don't know why, um, but I have the Lord has given me this the soft heart to not do the why me stuff. Right. And so I'm thankful for that. Now, that doesn't mean that I'm not like God, come on, yeah, like I'm freaking dying. You're human, you know, yeah. And so initially the conversation was really all just all about healing. It was just all like, Lord heal me, God heal me, you know. I live in this tension right now between the sovereignty of God and trusting in the sovereignty of God and the belief in his ability to heal me on this earth, you know. If you live in just one of those, it could be really, really dangerous. You know, if you live in just only the sovereignty of like God's will is gonna be done no matter what, but you have no hope for healing, then that's gonna crush you. If you live and you're only living in the hope of like, Lord, you're gonna heal me, you're gonna heal me, but you don't understand and believe that the Lord is sovereign and he's good, even if you're not healed, then that's gonna crush you also. And so I live in this tension of that, the the you know, and I try to hold both of those with without clenched fists, with open hands, you know. And so early on it was just God heal me. Yeah, you know, just God heal me, please heal me, please heal me. And I still pray that prayer every single day. But now, you know, I've been a fighter my entire life. You know, I I was as kid as a kid, didn't have the best life, which I'm sure that's a lot of people's story. I know that's a lot of people's story, right? And just ended up having to kind of fight for myself to to be who I wanted to be. Then became a SWAT officer and then became an actual professional MMA fighter, a jiu jitsu Brazilian jujitsu black belt. Been fighting. You know, fighting's easy for me. What I think God has been teaching me now is not how to fight, but but actually how to suffer. Yeah. And people don't like Jose that. Oh man, that's rough, you know. But it's given me a view of Jesus, a different view of Jesus. You know, I love like most men, like you and me, I'm sure. I like the Jesus that like flips the tables at the temple courts and like you know, takes a corded whip and and it's like, you know, right? Like that strong. Like, but something that has been hit me lately and I've been reflecting on lately is you know, Jesus went to the cross broken and beat. You know, he was not strong. He was he was weak, he was mentally strong and he was resilient, but his body was not strong. Right. You know, he was he was malnourished, he was weak. And so I I have this image now of what it looks like to carry the cross daily. And before it was always like this, I'm this strong man, I'm gonna carry my cross every single day. And now it's now it's this man, I'm weak and I'm suffering, and I am, I am literally think that I'm dying, but I'm gonna continue to carry my cross and take a step every single day. Yeah. And so that's that's been a recent change in in how I've reflected on you know suffering and what it looks like to live in the midst of suffering.

SPEAKER_00 12:46

Yeah, and that's a wonderful perspective I think a lot of people don't have.

Learning To Suffer Like Jesus

SPEAKER_00 12:51

How did you build a foundation? Because I think one thing that people have a hard time with is preparing for the valleys in our life. How did you build that foundation? How do what what started your Christ journey to have a foundation where you're at right now? You're facing possible death in the near future, and but you're so faithful to God in the midst of it.

SPEAKER_01 13:11

You know, I think, you know, for for one, I have to say, you know, community. You know, I have to say that, you know, I was curious at an age about, you know, what whether there was a guy, like I think a lot of us are, you know, and and luckily there was a man in my life named Patrick Rowe, uh, who's from this area, who just out of obedience, I think, you know, I don't even think he knew I was curious. He just was trying to walk uh obedient to the Lord and and just started striking up conversations with me about what I believed about God. And so that was my initial um start. And then of course I met my wife, Delyn, who was pivotal in my walk, you know, and and really, really kind of started our our journey together. And and then just continuing to walk and what it looked like to be a man, and and I found the best example of that in the Bible, and studying that and and trying to learn what it looks like to not just be a man on in today's, you know, secular, you know, idea, but what it looked like to be a real man and and you know, biblically. And I found that the best example of that was in the Bible, yeah, you know, and so that foundation has has helped me just continue to to move forward in that and the understanding that suffering is a part of this world, you know, and every season there's suffering, you know, there's there's there's somebody that's everybody knows somebody that's just had a baby and likely just buried a baby. You know, I mean it's terrible that we live in this life, you know. We live in this in-between life. We live between the promises of heaven and the promises of hell. And on earth, we wrestle with the tension of those two things. And, you know, because of sin and because of, you know, the fall of man, we live in a world that where suffering exists. And as a Christian, it does not mean that I am exempt from suffering. And so who am I to say, you know, to shake my fist at God and say, you know, why me? Why me? Well, why why anybody? Why anybody? Why is it a why is it okay for anybody to go through it and not me? Being a fighter and being somebody who's tried to be a be a manly man, like how how unmanly would it be of me to be sick and dying and and look at God and say, curse you for doing this to me, you know? And then what would that do to my family? You know, like my kids are gonna encounter hardship and suffering. You know, what example do I set for them? You know, if I shake my fist at that doesn't do anything for them. Yeah, doesn't do anything for them, it doesn't do anything for me. Shaking my fist at God and getting mad at him for me being sick is not gonna make me not sick. Right. Understanding that that suffering is a part of this life, and I and I hope and pray that that I am delivered from this, you know. You know, like the like the the woman who's just trying to touch the fringe of of the robe of Jesus, you know, every single day I reach for the fringe, you know, and I hope that one day I'm able to just receive that miracle, you know. But I don't know. Yeah, you know, and I have to continue to walk in obedience and and faith during that process. Yeah.

Marriage And Fatherhood Under Strain

SPEAKER_00 16:29

And you mentioned uh Dalen. So how long have you guys been married? Oh gosh. Uh we're going on Put you on the spot here, man. We're going on uh 17 years. 17 years congratulations on that. Thanks, man. Yeah, and uh you've got three wonderful kids. Your oldest is adopted, correct? Yes, correct. That's right.

SPEAKER_01 16:47

Out of the house. She is out of the house, yeah. She lives in college station.

SPEAKER_00 16:51

But the other two are younger, right? Correct. Yes, we have a four and a nine-year-old. Okay, okay. So uh what has been the hardest thing as a husband and a father walking through this with your family?

SPEAKER_01 17:03

Yeah, man, that's that's been the hardest thing is being a husband and father during this time. You know, I grieve every single day the man I used to be. Transparently, I do, man. I grieve every single day the man I used to be. And people probably see or hear this podcast and maybe think, man, that guy doesn't look that sick or sound that sick. I mean, uh, I'm not here to justify my illness, but I am, I mean, I feel like like a walking zombie. I did not know a human body could feel this ill. Yeah. I mean, I I am sick every single day. And so it it hinders my ability to really do anything. I can hardly play with my children, you know, I can hardly love my wife, you know, uh, or so or serve them in any way, and so I do everything I can, but that's been the hardest thing is that, you know, the man I used to be, the husband I used to be, the father I used to be, right now is no more. Um, I've continued to see the Lord work in this in the most profound ways. And and while it hasn't been from my miracle healing yet, it has been profound and in a way that has impacted others in a really, really broad way. You know, Delyn has said often, like she often says this saying, like, the suffering is not for you. She says, the suffering's not for you, it's just on you. Um because I've seen God continue to work with goodness out of the suffering. I have um seen my children pray genuine prayers that they did not pray before I became sick. My four-year-old prays like an adult. And uh she prays for her daddy's healing, but she prays for other things as well. My son, I'll walk around the corner and he'll be kneeling on his knees and just praying, not encouraged, not told to do it, you know. Or I'll be kneeling in my room praying, and and my son will come around the corner and he'll come and kneel with me and pray with me. I've prayed with people, I prayed with more people in the last year than I prayed in the honestly. I mean, no joke. I've prayed with people in the last year, more people in the last year, probably, than I prayed with in the previous 10 years. And I prayed with a lot of people in the previous 10 years, you know, like that's not uh not justifying my prayer, but I mean I I don't mean that to say like I never prayed with people. I prayed with a lot of people, that's how many people I prayed with since that time. Yes, to put it in perspective. I've had situations where, you know, I've been at a doctor's office and shared the gospel with one of the nurses just for her to tell me a couple weeks later that I went that she had her and her husband had committed their life to Christ and involved a church, you know. To my wife's point, you know, the suffering is not for me, it's just on me. You know, I've continued to see the Lord work the goodness, work goodness out of this, you know. It's extremely hard and transparently like I'm done, dude. Like I just want to be like, God, like, you know, heal me or kill me. You know, I mean, it's a saying that I that I say, like, Lord, either heal me or kill me. And I don't mean that like I'm ready to quit. I just mean that like I'm through suffering. You know, I'm tired, man. I'm tired of suffering. You know, every single day, day in and day out. It's just honestly it's a struggle to make it through the day at this point. It's been both really, really hard to mourn the man that I used to be, but also really beautiful to see that God create the man that I am now. I mean, He's created a new creature in me. I am a different person than what I was before. And I love the Lord and was walking with the Lord for a long time now, but I'm different. You know, there's an intimacy to suffering that I think cannot be encountered in a life that doesn't involve suffering. You know, there is an intimacy that you get to have with the Lord because the God is, you know, Jesus is both a sovereign and a suffering God. He suffered. On on this earth, he came and suffered, like we do. And so when we cry out to him in our suffering, he hears us because he's been there, he's done that, like been there, done that, bro. That has sustained me, you know, in the in this time of grieving, the man that I used to be.

SPEAKER_00 21:28

Yeah. And with your kids, how do you determine what you share and still protect them and what's going on? Do they know, you know, that dad might not be here tomorrow or this year or um we try to protect them from that.

SPEAKER_01 21:44

Now, transparently, like this consumes my life in such an extreme manner that there's no way that they can't hear these conversations, you know. Now, I don't know if they know that I'm gonna die, you know, but we that I might, and hopefully I don't, right. No, but we do talk with them about what do you believe about God when bad things happen, you know, or is God still good in your in your eyes when bad things happen? So we have those conversations. That's really good. Yeah, we have those conversations just so that they can understand that. Yeah, I mean, I think that they know, you know, my daughter, who's only four and there's always only so much she can comprehend anyway. She she can't. There is, but she does some stuff, man, that honestly even scares me. Because I'm like, I'm like, man, do you is this the intuition of a child? You know, like so the the other day this just happened recently. She asked my wife to to print off a bunch of pictures of of us. Oh wow. Yeah. Nobody told her to do that. Yeah. And so Dylan printed off like hundreds of pictures and got a little booklet, and she flips through them and just looks at them all the time. And like one night she just started crying because this song came on. There's a video of that Delyn made of us, you know, and it's on Instagram, and and I'm like on the outside of a glass window, and she's on the inside of a glass window, and there's a song that's playing. The song says something about disappearing in it. She one night just started crying really hard. She told me I don't want you to disappear. And so she you know, they know, and hopefully I don't, of course. And we're, you know, of course, and we all I can do is hold her in that, and and that gives us the opportunity to to talk about you know what happens if I disappear, you know. And so and we did, and that actually stopped her crying. We we you know, we shared, like, hey, you know, daddy's here and daddy's gonna stay here, and daddy's gonna continue to fight. But you need to know that that when daddy disappears, uh because at some point I will, sure, it won't be forever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, it won't be forever, and we're we will we will see each other again, and there will be no pain, there will be no suffering, there will be no crying. And that she it dried her tears immediately. Yeah, she was like, Oh, okay, so when when you go to Jesus, and then when I go to Jesus, we'll see each other again. And it it's like completely shut down the fear that she was experiencing. So they know, um, you

Rethinking Strength And Courage

SPEAKER_01 24:12

know.

SPEAKER_00 24:12

You talked about strength and what God's brought you through, and uh being a man versus what you are, then, and I think sometimes we misunderstand what being a man is, like physically on the outside, you look as much of a man as you possibly can, being an MA fighter, police officer, all this good stuff, but that's not what a true man is, just that physical appearance on the outside. Yeah, and so what has God, how how has God uh shown you what truth strength is? You talked about suffering. Is there anything else that he's brought you through through this that yeah, this is this is what true strength is as being a man in the society? Yeah, I think that, yeah, to your point.

SPEAKER_01 24:52

I mean, I you know, I was 210, 215, you know, I weigh 165 right now. Yeah, you know, and this is not boastful, I'm just using it for context. I could, you know, squat 500 pounds. I can't, I can't getting up off the couch is hard, bro, right now, you know. Washing dishes, you said. Literally, washing dishes. No joke. Yeah, I say this all the time, just for like if I shower, bro, it makes me tired. It's wild, dude. There's this thing they call for chronic fatigue syndrome, which comes can come from a bunch of different illnesses, and some people argue it can be its own illness, but anyways, that that definitely affects me. But to the point, is like I've always been strong, right? In my previous life. You know, this be strong and courageous. You know, I love, I love be strong and courageous before the Lord your God is with you wherever you go. And for a lot of time, I thought that meant like physical strength and courage as far as like running like into battle, right? That's what we think when it's you know, for me, when I hear that verse, I'm like, oh yeah, be strong, physically strong, and be like run into battle. And in this season, I think that be strong and courageous means be strong in the Lord and be courageous to to walk through the hardships of life, no matter what they look like. So that strength doesn't come from my own physical strength, it actually comes with my reliance on the Lord. Yeah, right. And that courage doesn't come from that bravery me of running into battle, it comes from an obedience of just doing what the Lord asks me to do. That's courageous, you know. Like no matter what you're going through, doing what the Lord asks you to do, and having the strength to move forward, you know, no matter what it looks like, that is strength and courage, you know. And it's a hard, it's hard, man. It's hard. I I I am just exhausted every single day. And if there was an answer, I'd take it, you know. There's no easy way out. People think there's an easy way out, you know, and and transparently, um, you know, openly. I I know people struggle with suicidal thoughts and stuff like that. And I have I have those thoughts. All that would do is transfer all the pain that I am experiencing to the people who I love the most. Yeah. You know, and the dangerous thing is people will convince themselves, like, oh, well, they'll just be better. And and I'll I'll honestly at times I'm like, man, if if I just if I just died, you know, my wife and kids, they they'd at least be able to just move on. Because we're all stuck in this season of suffering. It's not just me. I'm the one with the illness, but everybody's suffering. You know, we can't haven't been on vacation, like, we can't do things, you know. Everybody's suffering. They can't have their dad that they used to have, you know. The suffering is not just for me. It's something that is really, really impacted our entire family. And it it it is, it's really, really hard to wrestle with, you know.

SPEAKER_00 27:41

And going through that, what's promises of God, prayers, scriptures? Yeah, what what if you hold just the the promises God had? What do you hold on to?

SPEAKER_01 27:49

Yeah, you know, I the promise one, right, of I I know what happens on the other side of this, no matter what happens, right? I know where I get to go. You know, now being in the midst of the suffering is hard, right? And and dealing with it, you know. I like I was saying earlier, you know, it'd be easier to go, you know. But convincing myself that my family would be better off without me, it's just a lie of the devil. Yeah, you know. And so the the promise, that promise of of peace, you know, uh it it definitely helps. Honestly, it's hard, man. It is, you know, like there's all types of stories of people suffering through the Bible, you know. Honestly, some of them I would truth over what I'm dealing with right now, you know, and that's that's just human. That's just what I'm dealing with, you know, and that's okay. But that's not the cards I've been dealt. I have to rely on the the sovereignty of the Lord and the hope of where I get to end, you know, because at the end of this, dude, like although this year has been absolutely horrendous, when I'm standing at the the feet of Jesus, like, dude, that it will be nothing. It will be it will be absolutely nothing to me. And so that hope, the promises of that, and I and I have wrestled with this with the Lord, and I believed, um, and believe that you know it he told me that he was gonna deliver me from this. Now I don't know what that deliverance looks like. Yeah I hope it's an earthly healing, which is how I perceived it when I first heard it. But I'll be delivered from this no matter what. If if I'm healed on this earth, the God is still good, and if I'm not healed on this earth in the way that I want, then God is still good. It doesn't that doesn't change. Yeah. Our suffering, you know, there's people react to suffering, you know, really in two different ways. They either draw closer to God or they draw further away from God. I'm always like, well, why what is the reason for that? And and I think it's it is truly like a choice. We can say, okay, I'm a victim, I shake my fist at God. Why me? Why'd you do this? This is not fair, like all these things, right? Or I can say, okay, suffering is a part of life. We know that. That's in the Bible, it's very true. Right? Tells us it's gonna be there. Somebody's little baby dies, you know, and I'm living a healthy life, and I'm like, oh, God's God's still so good, though. I tell them, like, oh, God's good, he loves your child, but then I get sick and I'm like, God, you're not good. You know, like come on, you know. Now I've wrestled with that a lot. I there are times when I feel really abandoned. You know, I've we've prayed, I mean, I prayed without ceasing for the past year. I've been anointed with oil by my pastors and elders at different churches. I've had my closest and most intimate friends play over me, pray over me, healing prayers, done every therapy you could possibly think of, right? You know, and I'm not healed, you know. Now, I'm not trying to earn my healing, and I think that's a dangerous place to be, right? Is to try to earn your healing, right? But I I do want to continue to step forward and and take action because I don't believe like the Lord is calling me to just stand by and die, you know. But no matter what, God is still good, yeah, you know, and and that hope, you know, the belief and peace that I get to have, knowing that at the end of this, I know where I go and I know I'll celebrate with my kids again one day if if if I don't make it through this, yeah, you know, which I'm not gonna stop fighting. I'll continue to fight. But if I don't make it, the promises, you know, the Lord doesn't promise us that we won't experience suffering. He promises that he'll be with us in the suffering. He doesn't promise us that we don't experience death. But when we have a relationship with him, we get to have eternal life. Yeah. And there's a there's a peace in that,

How To Show Up For Sufferers

SPEAKER_01 31:42

you know.

SPEAKER_00 31:42

Somebody experiences something you brought up, hey, somebody lost a child. A lot of times, and that's all the time, and that words don't help. I mean, you're going through this and you have to grieve and you have to go through a process. But if somebody's going through a diagnosis, uh somebody's going through a valley such as yours where it's it's really dark, and or at least it it doesn't look like there's going to be a good outcome, although there might be. Uh what do you tell them?

SPEAKER_01 32:04

You know, that that's hard because especially being in this this season of having people that they say the things, you know, and I don't mean this rude, but they're they're just kind of like cliche things that you say. Well, what I would say is just try to be present in it with that person, right? Just be in it with them. Don't try to offer, you know, some answer or some just be in it with and like weep with them and cry with them and and be angry with them when there's a time to be angry, uplift them, of course, you know, and and encourage them, but don't have your head in the clouds, you know. Just be present with them in that you can pray over them. And and I've had a lot of people pray over me during this time. And I'll say this about prayer when you're when you're walking with somebody through suffering and prayer, pray bold prayers. Like pray bold, bold prayers. Don't pray scapegoat prayers. And this is what I mean by that. I've experienced this so much, and I know it comes from a loving place. But people will pray for my healing and they'll say, But God, your will be done. Right? Hey, that's the Lord's prayer. Yeah, right. But the the prayer says, Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. What people do is they're afraid to pray a prayer, a bold prayer, like heal this man, and they're afraid that if I'm not healed, then that leaves some like oh Lord. Questions about God, right? Questions about God. Like, pray to the extent of your faith. Don't pray leaving a scapegoat. Like, don't pray leaving like, oh, but if you if this doesn't happen, your Lord, it's your will. Pray that it's his will that this baby is brought back to life, right? Or that it's this his will that that healing it happens. Because the Lord's will on earth as it is in heaven, in heaven, there like there is no sickness and death, you know. So pray bold prayers, don't leave a scapegoat. You know, later, if the person comes back and wants to say, Well, you prayed for my healing and it didn't happen, then you can have a conversation about the sovereignty of the Lord and and suffering and how it exists, and that there's brokenness in this world, right? But don't don't pray a scapegoat prayer, yeah, you know. Um that that's one thing that I that I would say. Just for people to know that like if they're feeling absence from the Lord, it doesn't mean he's not there, you know. We we serve both a sovereign and a suffering God, he knows the extent of suffering to an extreme, extreme way. And so it gives you the ability to cry out to him because he understands.

SPEAKER_00 34:39

Yeah. And I want to wrap this up by going back to your kids. So 25 years from now, what do you and through this season of your life, what do you want your kids to remember about dad?

SPEAKER_01 34:52

You know, I hope they just remember that their dad was a fighter in more ways than one. You know, they'll remember that dad was an actual fighter, but I hope they see, you know, that that I continue to fight in the hardest of times. I hope they see that even in my suffering that I continue to point them to Christ, to a relationship with God, that even in hardship and extreme, extreme suffering, that we can cry out to the Lord and that he's present and that he is here. And I hope they see all the ways that the Lord has been present in our life in this season, you know. That they just yeah, that they just see that their dad was loved the Lord even in a such a hard, hard time. And I hope that turns them to him in a way that always makes them turn to God and then in their hardest moments, you know. That's really what I really all I want to leave them with, you know.

SPEAKER_00 35:52

A lot of people want that where it's like whatever I do in my life, I hope it points to Jesus for my kids. So I pray that all the time. So yeah, yeah, that's great. Absolutely. Well, I appreciate Sean for you being on and being vulnerable and and sharing your story. If somebody wants to follow your story or even contact you or podcast social media, can you give out like your social media stuff? Yeah, I guess.

SPEAKER_01 36:14

Yeah, absolutely. So on Instagram, uh, you know, I used to be super, super active, you know, but I'm a little bit less active now. Um, but Sean Top GunConnard, my my fight nickname is Top Gun. So Sean Top Gun Connard on Instagram. I have a YouTube channel as well that I did a bunch of shooting tutorials and and tactical tutorials and stuff. So that's Sean Top Gun Connard as well. And then I have a podcast with Mighty Oaks, the organization I work with, uh called March or Die Podcast. So if they want to listen to some podcasts, they can totally jump on that

Community As Arm Raisers

SPEAKER_01 36:45

as well. One thing before we go, I want to say just to make sure that that I say this, especially for people who are dealing with suffering. Yeah we talked about what to tell them and and how to pray with them, but one thing I'll say, man, is like you community is not an option. Yeah, it is not an option in times of health, it's not an option, and in but man, in times of suffering, it's not an option. One of the first images, you know, that really struck me in this time of suffering. It's really two of them, is the paralyzed man, and then and then the story of Moses, uh, Aaron and her. So the paralyzed man, you know, can't get to Jesus, you know, stuck on the mat. But he has like his trump card. He's got these friends that are not willing to allow him to sit there and die. So they pick him up, they don't they don't complain about his weight, his dead weight, you know, and they somehow get him to this rooftop and they break through the roof and lower him down to Jesus. Man, I have experienced community in that way this season, and it and it has brought me life. I have always been the Matt Carrier, yeah. And the arm raiser in the story of of Moses, Aaron and her, you know, Moses is is has the staff, you know, raised over his head's but head, but but at when he starts to grow fatigue, the staff starts to fail, and then the Israelites start to lose the war. Yeah. And so Aaron and her come over, they bring a rock, they sit him down, and they lift his arms. And the beautiful thing about both of these stories is the actions of others are what continue to allow the goodness and the glory to happen. Yeah. If you are not living in community in a season of hardship, you are going to struggle all the more. And so you need you need arm raisers and roof breakers. That's what I say. You need arm raisers and roof breakers. Love that, man. Man, you have to have that. My wife has been the best example of that. Yeah. And then I have, you know, people in my church, my community have just surrounded us and really, really, really brought us life during this time. Yeah. So before we, before we cut out, I wanted to make sure that's a good thing.

SPEAKER_00 38:54

So like what for your uh like your pyramid of success, let's say, God number one, probably your wife, your kids, and then community. Is that kind of where you break things?

SPEAKER_01 39:04

Yeah, definitely. You know, like definitely. My wife, dude, my gosh, man, it's the strongest woman I've ever, you know. She's carrying our entire family. So man, like honor your honor your freaking wife, man, because one day she might have to really live the the in sickness and health, and my wife is living that right now, like a like a queen, you know. Um yeah, and of course, you know, my family, you know, but community, man, it just it it is it has really, really sustained us in a way that that I I think, you know, we would be in a we would definitely be in a worse place than we are now without the community. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 39:44

That's fantastic. I love I love building, tell people all the time, you know, cute how how important community is. And it's just so uh strengthening because we would do you have it's it goes back to that preparation. How are you preparing because eventually you will go through something. We talked about the others' trials, the Bible tells us that. Um, how are you preparing for that that day to come, your foundation in the Lord? And whenever you go through that valley, those people to support you, pray for you, and remind you how faithful God is. Because sometimes, like I know you know, you struggling through some of the worst days, it's like I'm just tired. Yeah, I'm tired, and you need that support system to say, Yeah, I know you're tired, but you are a fighter, you know, and this is why we fight. So yeah, that's awesome.

Where To Follow Sean

SPEAKER_00 40:27

Well, I'm gonna do something I don't normally do. Yeah, um, I would love for you to pray if you could. So uh what I would like you specifically to pray for is your story uh to get out to help people, to encourage people. So our our community of believers, and in those that might run across this podcast just because they want to hear your story that might not know who God is, for their lives to be transformed in some way, that God uses your story. And I'll close this out. I'd love to pray for you specifically, but if you don't mind praying, absolutely, man. Yeah, definitely.

SPEAKER_01 40:56

Thank you.

Closing Prayers For Healing

SPEAKER_01 40:59

Oh, dear Lord, thank you that you are the King of Kings, the Lord of Lords, the Good Shepherd, the Good Father. Lord, I'm thankful for this opportunity to be on this podcast. Really, Lord, this is all about you. It's all about you and glorifying your name. No matter what, you're gonna be glorified in this. As I said earlier, if I'm healed, Lord, on this earth, then you will be glorified. If I'm not healed on this earth, Lord, then you're still gonna be glorified. So I just pray that you that you use this story, Lord, to bring that glory to your name, Lord, to advance your kingdom. And if there is somebody out there that's struggling, Father, I pray that you point them to this story in this podcast, Lord, so that they can hear your goodness, your grace, even in the midst of suffering, Father. I pray that you will give it reach and that the ears that need to hear it will hear it, Lord. I'm grateful to just be a tool for you, Father, as you as you use me to do your work, Lord. And I pray that you just allow it to be work that is fruitful, Father. And I pray for healing, Lord. I pray that you will heal me in a miracle way, in a way that will shake the faith that of everybody that has heard this story, Father, of everybody that has been involved in this story and to watch this play out, Lord. I pray that you heal me in a miracle. Because I know that in this moment, Lord, I could be healed. That's how powerful you are. And so I pray for that healing, Father. I trust in you in that moment, Lord, that you will just continue to work, Lord, that you will continue to just be good because we know that you're good, Father. And I pray for that healing. I also trust in your sovereignty, Father. Because if you did nothing more than the cross, that would be enough, Lord. I pray boldness that you will heal me, Father, because I know that you have the power to heal. So heal me, Lord, today. Be with those that are struggling, Father. Let them hear your voice, let them feel comforted by you, Father. Let them know that they can rise in the shadow of your wings, Lord, because you give them strength. You give them the ability to continue to move forward, Lord. It is not by their own strength, it's not by their own courage, Lord, it's by you. So continue to walk with us, Lord, be with us every single day. Bless this podcast, bless its reach, Father, as we continue to just try to spread your glory, Father. So in Jesus' name I pray, Lord. Amen. Amen.

SPEAKER_00 43:30

And Lord, I just lift up Sean and uh Dalen and the family to you as they go through this uh this struggle, the trials that you tell us we're gonna go through and the suffering. And um, I just uh I pray for unity in the family, unity in you. Um I pray for Dalen and uh as Sean talked about carrying the family. I pray for strength and courage in her uh in what she's going through on her side of things. Um I just thank you for her in loving her family in the way a Christly woman should love a family. I'm thankful for her and this family. I'm I'm thankful for for Sean and the the parent that he is that just because he is going through something that is um so devastating in his family right now that he is uh his faith is not shaken in you that circumstances don't dictate who you are I'm I'm thankful for the parent that he is in teaching his kids of who you are I do pray for healing in his life uh for a miracle healing not just um something honestly that I know you can work by speaking a word I know you can work through doctors but I pray that you do that without using doctors. I pray that you use this that uh it is in such a way that the doctors say this can be nothing but God that it points to you in every way that there is glory brought to you that the documentation that Sean is doing right now on podcasts on the internet on all these different platforms that it's not about him it is all about pointing to you. I love the way he always talks about you and the struggles that he's going through the the times the the days that he doesn't know the answers and doesn't know what to do but it's always trust in you it's not a fake facade but it is a true broken suffering faith in you and so I pray that through all this that people ask how can you be so faithful and Sean has the opportunity to tell them about a loving father that he has and talk to him about what true godly men go through and uh so I just pray for healing on the other side so that uh he can look back and say look what God did and how I grew and how I understand what being a man was in my life to what really being a man is and being able to share that with his kids being able to share that with people he interacts with I just I just pray for healing in his life to bring you glory God to uh to complete uh what he's been going through that uh one day he'll be able to say look back and say man uh I know that you told me I was going to be healed and delivered and I never thought it would look like this even in all the trust because you're gonna be glorified in such a way that it goes beyond our understanding it goes beyond what we can think it goes beyond anything we can wrap our minds around uh that it's all about you and pointing to you God we want to make sure that we stay humble in this that we point to you always because it is about you and what you're doing. We trust you God in everything thank you so much for this opportunity thank you so much for Sean and being open and vulnerable about what he's going through in life and his growth and what he's going through with you God thank you so much in Jesus name we pray brother thank you man appreciate it