Remembering Without Living In The Past

We all have a past. Some memories make us smile, while others still bring shame, regret, or pain. But what if healing isn't found in pretending those moments never happened—or in letting them define who you are today?

In this heartfelt episode of Kingdom Chaos, Amy shares why God doesn't ask us to erase our story, but He also never intended for us to build our home there. Through honest reflections on her own journey—including marriage struggles, depression, and the emotional affair that nearly destroyed their family—she explains how God's forgiveness transforms our past from a prison into a testimony. 

Together, we'll explore what Scripture teaches about remembering God's faithfulness through the memorial stones in Joshua, David's confidence before Goliath, and the new life promised in Romans 6:4. You'll discover how remembering the past can strengthen your faith instead of stealing your joy, and why your identity is no longer found in your worst mistakes—but in Jesus Christ. 

If you've ever struggled to forgive yourself, felt trapped by guilt, or wondered how to move forward after failure, this conversation will remind you that God's grace is greater than your past. Your testimony isn't meant to keep you looking backward—it's meant to point others to the God who redeemed your story.

Because you can remember your past... without living there.

What’s in this episode

* Why remembering your past is different from living in it

* How Jesus offers freedom from guilt and shame today

* The difference between a testimony and a prison

* Learning to stop condemning yourself after God has forgiven you

* Memorial stones: remembering God's faithfulness without staying stuck

* How David's past victories gave him courage to face Goliath

* The danger of allowing your past to define your identity

* Why your story can become someone else's source of hope

* Practical ways to remember God's faithfulness while continuing to move forward

* Finding your identity in Christ instead of your failures

Key Scriptures

“We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life.” Romans 6:4

"They triumphed over him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony; they did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death." Revelation 12:11

“to serve as a sign among you. In the future, when your children ask you, ‘What do these stones mean?’ tell them that the flow of the Jordan was cut off before the ark of the covenant of the Lord. When it crossed the Jordan, the waters of the Jordan were cut off. These stones are to be a memorial to the people of Israel forever.” Joshua 4:6-7

“The Lord who rescued me from the paw of the lion and the paw of the bear will rescue me from the hand of this Philistine.” 1 Samuel 17:37

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!” 2 Corinthians 5:17

Reflection questions

1. Is there a part of your past that still controls how you see yourself today?
2. Have you accepted God's forgiveness but struggled to forgive yourself?
3. Are your memories leading you toward gratitude or trapping you in shame?
4. What "memorial stones" remind you of God's faithfulness in your life?
5. How has God redeemed a painful chapter of your story?
6. Is your testimony pointing people toward God's grace or keeping you focused on your failures?
7. What would it look like to fully embrace your identity in Christ this week?
8. Who needs to hear your story of God's redemption?

Key Takeaway

God doesn't ask you to erase your past—He invites you to redeem it. Remember where you've been so you can celebrate God's faithfulness, but don't build your life there. Your identity is not your worst mistake; your identity is found in Jesus Christ.

Quote from the episode

"We revisit those chapters just long enough to point people toward His faithfulness... We do not unpack our bags and live there."

Music by AlexGrohl from Pixabay

Transcript

Welcome To Kingdom Chaos

SPEAKER_00 0:07

Welcome to Kingdom Chaos, a podcast for anyone trying to live a purpose and faith-filled life in a loud and messy world. Jesus said his kingdom and nothing's the world, yet here we are navigating real life and real struggles. I'm not a guru, just someone learning that God's grace meets us even in the chaos. This is Kingdom Chaos where faith meets real life and purpose is still found in the mess.

SPEAKER_01 0:36

Hi everyone, welcome to Kingdom Chaos. It's Amy and today I want to share with you something that's been on my heart recently. So I'm glad you're here. Hopefully, this is an episode that seems like we're sharing a coffee and just getting caught up on life together. So let's jump right in.

Remembering Without Getting Stuck

SPEAKER_01 0:52

So we all have a past, right? And some parts of that makes us smile, and other parts of our past make us cringe. There are moments we'd love to relive, and then there's other moments we'd rather erase completely. But no matter what our story looks like, every one of us eventually faces the same question. How do we remember where we've been without getting stuck there? And I've been thinking about that a lot lately because it keeps coming up in conversations with people. It seems like most of us drift towards one of two extremes. We either try to pretend that the past never happened, or we allow it to define who we are today. And neither of those options lead us to freedom. And God never asks us to erase our story, but He also never intended for us to keep reliving it. Romans 6.4 says, For we died and were buried with Christ by baptism. And just as Christ was raised from the dead, now we too may live a new life. And I love that verse because it reminds me the new life isn't just something we're waiting for in heaven. It's something that Jesus makes possible for us today. He didn't only die so that we could spend eternity with him one day. He died so that we could experience freedom now. Freedom from shame, from guilt, freedom from believing our worst moments have the final say. If Jesus has forgiven us, we have to stop condemning ourselves for what is in our past. He has already forgiven us for that. And I know, trust me, I know that that is much easier said than done. Troy and I have shared some of the hardest parts of our story through Kingdom Chaos. We've talked openly about our marriage struggles, my emotional affair that almost destroyed us, seasons of depression and worry, and times when our faith felt weak. And every once in a while, someone will ask if it's difficult to keep talking about those experiences. And the honest answer is yes, absolutely. Because remembering that means that I then remember what I did, the person that I was, and who I didn't like. It brings back all of those feelings of abandonment and just feeling completely hopeless. But it also reminds me so that I can have patience and compassion and love for those in the middle of a valley right now. And it gives me a connection with them to where I can give them hope on how God can still work in their lives. We are amazed at what God did in the middle of our story, and we know that He will do the same for others. That's why we share our story, not because we're stuck in it, but because it shows that God is faithful and he is gracious. And that makes a huge difference. Our testimony isn't about celebrating our pain, it's about celebrating God's redemption. We revisit those chapters just long enough to point people towards his faithfulness, and then we keep walking forward.

Memorial Stones And Real Testimony

SPEAKER_01 3:58

We do not unpack our bags and live there. And what's interesting is that's exactly how God teaches his people all throughout Scripture. I love the story in Joshua when God stopped the flow of the Jordan River at flood stage, and he told Joshua to pick up 12 stones from in the middle of the river as they walked across to stack into a memorial once they crossed to the other side. And at first glance, it almost seems unnecessary. Why stop and pick up a pile of rocks in the middle of such an incredible miracle? But God had a purpose. He said that one day their children would ask, What do these stones mean? And those stones would become an opportunity to tell the next generation about God's faithfulness. The memorial wasn't built so Israel could live in yesterday's miracle. It was built so that they would never forget the God who brought them through it. And I think we all need some type of memorial stones. Maybe not a pile of rocks. Maybe it's a journal where you've recorded answered prayers. Or maybe it's a photo that reminds you of how far God has brought you. Maybe it's your testimony. Whatever it is, remembering God's faithfulness builds our faith for whatever comes next. We see this pattern again with David before he faced Goliath. David didn't walk onto that battlefield pretending he had never been afraid before. Instead, he remembered how God had already delivered him while he was a shepherd boy. He said, The Lord who rescued me from the paw of the lion and the paw of the bear will rescue me from the hand of this Philistine. So David looked backward, but not to stay there, only to find courage for what was right in front of him. And that's the kind of remembering God invites us into.

When Remembering Turns Into Dwelling

SPEAKER_01 5:47

One of the greatest dangers in Scripture isn't just about rebellion, it's forgetfulness. And we see it all throughout Scripture. God would rescue his people, provide for them, perform incredible miracles, and then before long they would forget. One of the saddest verses in the book of Judges says, Another generation grew up who did not acknowledge the Lord or remember the mighty things he had done for Israel. They forgot God's faithfulness, and it wasn't long before they drifted far, far away from him. And the same thing happens in our lives today. We forget the prayers that he's already answered, and we forget the seasons he carried us through. We forget the doors he opened where we did not see that there was any way forward. We forget his provision, his protection, and his grace. That's why remembering matters. Not because we're trying to relive the past, but because remembering reminds us that the same God who was faithful then is still faithful today. The problem is when remembering turns into dwelling. There's another story in scripture that illustrates this so well. After God rescued Israel from slavery in Egypt, they found themselves in the wilderness, and the journey wasn't easy, and before long they started talking about how wonderful Egypt had been. They even told Moses, why did you rescue us from Egypt only for us to die here in the wilderness? They remembered the food they had in Egypt, they remembered the comfort, but what they forgot about were the chains. And isn't that just like us sometimes? We have the tendency to romanticize the past. We remember what felt comfortable even when it was a hard or very toxic way of life, and we forget what God actually rescued us from. And then some people become trapped in a different way. They aren't looking back with nostalgia, they're looking back with shame. They're still carrying mistakes that they made many years ago, or wounds someone else inflicted, as if those things still have authority to define them. And both of those perspectives keep us from moving forward.

Your Testimony Is Not Your Identity

SPEAKER_01 8:01

One of the biggest lessons I've also learned is that our testimony is not our identity. And I think Paul understood this better than anyone. He never hid his past. He openly admitted that he had persecuted Christians and tried to destroy the church. He remembered where he came from because it magnified God's grace. But Paul also refused to live there. In Philippians, he wrote, forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead. I press on toward the goal. Paul wasn't pretending his past never happened. He simply refused to let yesterday determine who he would become tomorrow. And that's exactly what our testimonies are meant to do. They're evidence of God's grace, not labels we continue wearing for the rest of our lives. Your testimony matters because it points people to Jesus. But your identity isn't found in your worst season of life. If you're in Christ, your identity is already settled. You're forgiven, redeemed, and loved, and you are a child of God. 2 Corinthians 5.17 says, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has gone and the new has come. That doesn't mean your past disappears, but it does mean that your past no longer gets to define your

Three Questions That Move You Forward

SPEAKER_01 9:22

future. Whenever I find myself looking backward, I've learned to ask myself three simple questions. Number one, what is God teaching me? That question shifts my focus from why did this happen to how is God shaping me? One keeps me stuck and the other helps me grow. The second question is, how has God changed me? And it's easy to remember the pain and overlook the transformation. So always looking for evidence of God's work reminds me that He never wastes a season, even the difficult ones. And the third question is, how can this help someone else? That is where purpose begins to emerge, and this is when our pain turns into our ministry. So much of what God has done in our lives through Kingdom Chaos has come from simply being willing to tell the truth. Not because we have all the answers, but because we've seen what God can do with fully surrendered and perfect people. That's why testimonies are so powerful. They remind people that if God can redeem one story, then he can redeem theirs too. Revelation 12.11, it says, they triumphed over him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony. Now notice the order. Victory doesn't come because we have an impressive story. Victory comes first through the blood of Jesus. Our testimony simply tells the story of what his blood has accomplished in our lives. So this week, I would love to encourage you to spend some time reflecting. Grab a notebook and make two lists. On the first list, write down every way that you've seen God's faithfulness. Think about answered prayers, unexpected provision, healing, a restored relationship, lessons learned, go back even to your childhood, and moments when he carried you through seasons you never thought you'd survive. And then make a second list. Write down the places where you're still living in the past. Maybe it's regret, maybe it's disappointment, maybe it's bitterness in your heart over some unforgiveness. Maybe it could be some fear, shame, or a wound that you never fully surrendered to God. Pray over both of those lists. Thank God for the first list because it reminds you of his faithfulness. And then hand him over the second list. Fully surrender that list to him and ask him to help you release what he has already redeemed. You can either tear up this list physically so that it truly shows you that you're throwing it away, or you can lock it up somewhere in a lockbox so you can physically know that you're not holding on to this anymore. You have truly given it over to

Release The Past And Walk On

SPEAKER_01 12:12

God. And as we close, I want to leave you with Isaiah 43, where God says, forget the former things, do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing. Notice that he doesn't say that the past has no value. Again, throughout Scripture, God repeatedly calls His people to remember his faithfulness, but He also tells us not to dwell there. Yes, God redeemed our marriage 13 years ago, but he is also working so powerfully in our life today, and he's challenging us every single day to be more like Jesus. So remember there's a difference. Remember the Jordan River and the God who made a way through impossible circumstances. Remember David and the courage that God gave him because of his past faithfulness. Remember the cross and the grace that you've been given. But do not live in Egypt. Don't keep replaying your failures. Don't keep wearing labels Jesus died to remove. Remember what God has done, learn what he taught you, and share your testimony boldly. Then keep walking in your purpose that God gave you today, because the same God who is faithful in your past is with you today and is preparing you for tomorrow. Let's pray. Heavenly Father, I just thank you. Thank you so much for putting this on my heart and just being able to truly dig into your word and see what you tell us about remembering the past and then what the future holds that you have in store for us. So, Father, I just lift up every single person that's listening to this. Please help them to fully surrender their past, any past hurts, wounds, bitterness, unforgiveness that they're holding on to. Father, help them to fully surrender that to you and remind them, have the Holy Spirit just recall in their hearts and minds of every single step that you've taken with them through their past, that you were there every step of the way and that you are fully redeemed and have fully forgiven them. So, Father, we just look to you today just with excitement, just with what you have for us in the future. We just ask for the courage and the strength to share our testimonies boldly. And we just look forward to everything that you have in our future. We just love you and worship you. We have a tendency to romance we have the tendency to rom romanticize, romanticize, romanticize.