Women Lawyers: You Have More Power Than You Think

In this episode, Cecilia Poulain explores the "impossible triangle" many women lawyers face when partnership ambitions, family responsibilities, and rigid law firm timelines collide. She argues that these challenges are often structural rather than personal and shares practical strategies for opening conversations with firm leadership and creating a more sustainable path to partnership.

You can download the free guide on How to Make Partner in a Law Firm on  www.ceciliapoullain.com/free-guide

Key Topics

• The Impossible Triangle: Balancing partnership aspirations, family time, and a narrowing partnership window can leave women feeling stuck. 
• Timing vs Ability: Partnership timelines often coincide with child-rearing years, creating challenges that have little to do with capability. 
• Structural, Not Personal: Many women internalize barriers that are actually built into traditional law firm systems. 
• The Cost of Silence: Avoiding career conversations can lead to reduced visibility, fewer opportunities, and stalled progression. 
• Recognizing Your Value: High-performing lawyers often have more influence and leverage within their firms than they realize.

Transcript

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My name is Cecilia Poulain. Welcome to the Pathway to Partnership Podcast, where we talk about what it really takes to succeed as a woman lawyer in a law firm. And then they discover they have less visibility, they're being staffed on smaller matters, they have less access to clients, their peers and subordinates are being promoted over them. And they feel frustrated at themselves for not having put their all into partnership earlier when in fact the system wasn't built with them in mind. Welcome to the Pathway to Partnership Podcast. My name is Cecilia Poulin, and I'm a former finance lawyer. I now help women lawyers make it to partnership. In this podcast we'll talk about whether partnership is truly what you want, you'll build your confidence, and you'll master client development in a way that feels sustainable. Let's get you walking into the office every morning, clear on why you're aiming for partnership, free of imposter syndrome, and confident in your ability to bring in clients without burning out. Okay, let's jump in. Although the vast majority of law students in most major jurisdictions are women, far too many law firms still aren't built with women in mind. Which is why women lawyers, and in particular those who are mothers, can find themselves caught in an impossible triangle when they're thinking about partnership. The first side of the triangle is that you want to become a partner, but you also want to spend time with your children while they're young, and that time is incredibly precious, and you know it won't last forever. And secondly, because you have young children, you don't want to take the financial risk of a career change. When you have young children, it's a time when there's a lot of financial pressure. You're paying for nannies, you're paying for babysitting crashes. Perhaps you've had to move to a bigger, more expensive house or apartment because you have a bigger family. You don't want to leave your firm because you're really happy there. But the third side of the triangle is where it really starts to bite. Because you're aware that the window for becoming a partner in your firm is only open for a certain period of time, and that if you don't move, that window will close. So you get stuck. You bounce around this impossible triangle. You can't or you don't want to leave. You can't or you don't want to put in the effort required for partnership, because it's more important for you right now to get home to see your children. But the partnership clock is inexorably ticking. And around you go, bouncing off the sides, unable to see a way out. This can be incredibly frustrating and immobilizing. So in this episode, I'd like to explore at least one way of opening up that triangle. And specifically, I'd like to look at three issues. Firstly, I'd like to look at the fact that it's not your fault. Law firms aren't set up with mothers in mind. Secondly, I'd look at the fact that women treat this as an individual issue rather than a structural issue, and we'll look at the impacts of that. And thirdly, we'll look at how you can turn this what seems impossible problem into an opportunity. Okay, let's look at each of those in turn. Part of the problem is how law firms are set up. The age at which people become partners is usually about the same time as women are having children. Now that's not necessarily something that was planned, it just happens that people have enough experience to become partners just at about the same time as they're thinking of starting a family. And of course, this doesn't just affect women. Men are also becoming fathers at that age. But what I hear is that women still feel that the final obligation to look after and be with the children rests on them, and they really want to do that. Whereas men still feel that the final obligation to ensure that the family is financially secure rests with them. I don't often hear men saying that they're thinking of walking away from partnership because they want to spend more time with their children, even though they might actually want that. Whereas women say that to me all the time. And of course there are so many other family situations. There are single parents, there are single sex couples, just to take a couple of examples. But even though the partnership age hasn't necessarily been planned that way, the problem is that those time frames get set in stone. And people start to believe that if you don't make partner by a particular age, then you're not able to. When in fact it's not a question of ability, it's a question of timing. Which is one of the reasons why so many women leave when there's seven to ten years PQE Now what a waste for those women. And what an incredible waste of talent for the firms, and what a huge financial cost. So that's the first issue. Law firms haven't been set up with women in mind. The second issue is that women treat it as an individual issue rather than as a structural issue. Many women just simply accept that the time frame is as it is, and they don't believe that they can do anything about it. Or they're worried that if they raise the issue, it will make them look as though they aren't committed. And then things just sort of happen day to day. They don't make a clear decision, they don't say anything. They leave a little earlier so they can see the kids before they go to bed. Other people in the firm aren't sure how committed they are because they're not sure themselves. They don't think about their business case, they don't reach out to potential clients. And then they discover that they have less visibility, they're being staffed on smaller matters, they have less access to clients, and worst of all, their peers and subordinates are promoted over them, and they feel frustrated with themselves for having put their family before their career at the critical time, when in fact the issue isn't with them at all. The real problem is that the system wasn't built with them in mind. Instead, women and men need to be having conversations both on an individual level and on a structural level. Now let's look at how you can turn what seems to be an impossible problem into an opportunity. High performing women lawyers have way more power than they think. Now law firms are often places in which partners seem to be all powerful, but the truth is if you are a good lawyer, they need you as much as you need them, and that gives you a ton of leverage. And in my experience, managers, leaders, partners often really appreciate it when younger professionals reach out to them to speak about their careers, because they love to feel that their opinion is important and they love to help. But women lawyers often don't have those conversations. Instead, they resign, and then everyone is left saying, What went wrong? We wanted you to stay. If you just said something, we could have done something about it. So it's always worth having that conversation. But you also need to think carefully about how to frame that conversation. If it's all about you, then you're much less likely to be successful. But if you frame it in a way that shows that you're thinking like a partner, then not only are you more likely to be listened to, but you will also actually start looking like a partner. Here's my very rough take on how you might frame this conversation. And I'm sure that you'll do a much better job than me. So you might think of saying something like, I really love working at this firm, I love the people, I love the work, and I would love to become a partner here. But right now, as you know, I have two small children at home, and they also really need me. I know what it takes to become a partner, and because of my responsibilities at home, I simply don't have the bandwidth right now. But I could imagine that once the kids are a little older, things will be very different. What I'm really worried about is that if I leave it too long, I'll be seen as too old for partnership. Now I can imagine that this isn't just an issue for me. I can imagine that other women lawyers in the firm are facing the same issue, and perhaps some of the men as well. And I could also imagine that it's having a big impact on the firm, that as women leave, this is costing the firm in terms of talent, client relationships, recruitment fees. Now I have a few ideas that I'd love to share about this issue, and I'd love to hear where the partners are. Would it be okay if I shared them with you? Now it may be that that conversation is easy for you to have, or you might be thinking, oh my God, I could never do that. If that conversation feels terrifying, then you might start to think about what it's costing you to say nothing. Because the truth is if you don't say anything, the issue will continue to bounce around that triangle in your head while the partnership clock ticks on. If you have the conversation and it goes well, then you might have found a path through for yourself, for other parents, and for the firm. And if the conversation goes badly, well, at least you know where you stand. So that's just one way out of that triangle. Negotiate a solution and position yourself as a future partner. There are, of course, other ways out of that triangle, things like getting more help at home, sponsorship within the firm, being strategic about where you put your energies, but I'll leave those for future episodes. So that's it for this episode. And before I'd go, I'd like to leave you with a quick exercise. Perhaps take a few moments to think about the partner or partners in your firm who have the most influence on your pathway to partnership, and then write down the conversation you would like to have with them on the issue. So you might ask yourself questions like what do I actually want? Not what do I think is realistic, not what I think I'm allowed to want, but what would the absolute ideal look like for me? What do I want now for my career and for my life? What do I think I'll I'll want in the future? When do I think I'll be ready for partnership? What about flexibility or job sharing? And then think about what's the firm losing by not having this conversation? What talent has it already lost, or is it likely to lose? How much would it cost them to replace you? What's the firm's current partnership pipeline? What are the major client relationships that would be impacted if you left? Just write down two or three things the firm stains stands to gain if it gets this right. And then thirdly, think about how you'd start the conversation. Maybe draft the first two or three sentences and practice them out loud until you feel comfortable. Thank you so much for joining me on the Pathway to Partnership Podcast. I really appreciate it. And I hope this episode has given you some new ways to think about a situation that can feel impossible and has shown you that there are ways to move forward. If you found this useful, please subscribe, please share it with a colleague, please leave a review so that together we can help make more women make it to partnership and thrive when they get there. And until next time, remember, you don't have to do this alone, and you get to define success as a woman lawyer on your own terms. Thanks so much for listening.