A Journey to Whole Woman Health

Episode 19: Why Successful Women Feel Overwhelmed (Part 1) | The Psychology of Clutter

Jamie Erwin, MD & Mary Kathryn Nader, PhD/LPC Season 1 Episode 19

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Have you ever looked around your home and thought:

Why does this feel so overwhelming?

Not just messy—but heavy.

In this episode of A Journey to Whole Woman Health, we welcome counselor, author, and speaker Courtney Huckabay, co-author of Reframe and Reclaim, to explore the surprising connection between clutter, stress, identity, and mental health.

This conversation goes far beyond organizing closets and cleaning countertops. We discuss how our physical environments can reflect our emotional lives, why decision fatigue leaves so many women feeling exhausted, and how clutter can become a visible manifestation of the invisible mental load many women carry every day.

Whether you're a busy professional, a mother juggling countless responsibilities, or simply someone longing for more peace in your home and mind, this episode will help you begin to understand what's really underneath the overwhelm.

In This Episode We Discuss:

  •  Why clutter is rarely just about "stuff" 
  •  The connection between clutter, stress, and anxiety 
  •  How decision fatigue impacts mental health 
  •  The role identity plays in what we keep 
  •  Why letting go can feel emotionally difficult 
  •  Research linking clutter to lower life satisfaction 
  •  The first steps of the Reframe & Reclaim process 
  •  How to begin creating a home that supports peace rather than stress 

Key Takeaway

Your home may not be the source of your stress—but it may be reflecting it.

When we begin to understand our relationship with our belongings, we can start reclaiming not only our space but also our peace.

Guest

Courtney Huckabay, LPC-S, RPT-S, NCC
Licensed Professional Counselor Supervisor, Registered Play Therapist Supervisor, EMDR Therapist, Co-Author of Reframe and Reclaim

Resources Mentioned

📖 Reframe and Reclaim by Courtney Huckabay & Jennifer Harris

🎙 Reframe and Reclaim Podcast

Coming Next Week

Part 2: Reclaiming Your Space

We'll continue the conversation with co-author Jennifer Harris and walk through the practical steps of the Reframe & Reclaim method so you can begin transforming your environment with purpose and intention.

If this episode encouraged you, please subscribe, leave a review, and share it with a friend who may need to hear this conversation today.

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SPEAKER_02

Welcome to A Journey to Whole Woman Health, the podcast where science, mental health, and faith come together to educate, empower, and encourage women in every season of life. We are your hosts, Dr. Jamie Irwin, Ford-certified OBGYN, and Dr.

SPEAKER_01

Mary Catherine Nader, licensed professional counselor with a PhD in counselor education and supervision. Jamie and I have been friends for over 30 years.

SPEAKER_02

Each week we explore the intersection of body, mind, and soul, bringing you evidence-based medicine, meaningful conversations about mental health, and stories that remind us we're not alone on the journey. So take a deep breath, settle in, and let's begin the journey. Have you ever looked around your home and thought, why does this feel so overwhelming? Not just messy, but heavy. Like your space is somehow reflecting everything you're carrying internally. Because here's the truth clutter is rarely just about stuff. It's about decisions, it's about identity, it's about the invisible mental load so many women are carrying every single day. And for high-achieving women, women who are capable, driven, holding everything together, this can feel especially frustrating, don't you think, Mary Catherine? For sure.

SPEAKER_01

Why is something that seems so simple so dang hard? I think today's conversation is one that's going to really resonate deeply with so many of you. We are joined by the authors of the book Reframe and Reclaim, Jennifer Harris and Courtney Huckabay. Today we're talking to Courtney, and we'll have a part two where we talk just with Jen. But their work sits at the intersection of psychology, behavior, and environment, helping us understand that our relationship with our belongings is actually a reflection of something much deeper. In this episode, we're going to talk about what clutter really means psychologically, why so many women feel overwhelmed in their own homes, how stress, decision, fatigue, and identity all play a role, and most importantly, how to begin to reclaim not just your space but your peace. Here's the book in case you haven't seen it that we're going to be talking about. I'm so ready.

SPEAKER_02

This is not an episode about organizing. It's an episode about understanding yourself and creating a life that feels lighter, calmer, and more aligned. Who doesn't want more of that? So please let's dive in. Courtney Huckabe, welcome to the podcast. Thank you, ladies.

SPEAKER_00

It's an honor to be here today.

SPEAKER_01

I'm so glad. Thank you for taking time to be here. Um, you want to start by just sharing a little bit about yourself and what brought you into this?

SPEAKER_00

Sure. So I'm Courtney Huckabe. I am a licensed professional counselor supervisor. Yes, uh registered plate therapist, um, supervisor, national certified counselor. Um, I do a lot of EMDR work with clients, and I'm also a positive disciplined parent educator. Uh, but I'm a mom and a wife, and uh, I will say this book is not just um a passion of information, it's also something that I've really tried to examine in my own life. And uh I think a lot of women and families uh definitely struggle with the idea of their environments and um how to make sense of their environments for sure.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, I feel that so true. Yes, that's great. I'm so I mean, definitely we were excited to be able to have you guys here. So let's get started.

SPEAKER_02

So tell us why is this so hard? Why do women struggle with this? With clutter specifically, with clutter, with clutter in the home and just feeling like I can't get a handle on it.

SPEAKER_00

Well, I think a lot of women are feeling the pressures of you know keeping up with other people. You know, there's Instagram, there's social media. We also have a home we share with others. So being respectful of our partners and our children and all those things, but it is too much for one person to manage, but it does tend to unfortunately fall a lot on the women in the homes. And I think that there's this idea of it has to be just right or it's not right. Um, but we you know, in Reframe and Reclaim, we definitely talk about making it a process. Um, a lot of us feel as though our things really give us identity of who we are. You know, if I have this thing in my home, then that means something about me. Um, or not always knowing um who I am and feeling more valid or more fulfilled by having more. And so we really work on self-knowledge, self-identity, and really getting into the crux of all that rather than just being identified by our things.

SPEAKER_01

Wow, okay. So starting to really look at how do I define myself? Is it in the things that are around me or not?

SPEAKER_00

Yes. It can be a part of that, yes. But a lot of us also we grow up in homes where we learn habits from other people. You know, we have the boomers who were, you know, learning how to be resourceful, they're trying their best to make sure that they have what they need in their homes. And then, you know, as we're getting into our generation of, you know, it's easy access and instant gratification just to purchase what I want. Um, but I think we're finding that having things isn't always fulfilling for us, and sometimes it's overwhelming us and um creates a lot more dissatisfaction in life.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. Well, share, you mentioned you have brought some statistics. Share some statistics with us.

SPEAKER_00

So in 2020 or 2016, there was a study by the Journal of Environmental Psychology, which our book really is, really surrounding the environment and how it impacts us psychologically. But they found a direct correlation between higher amounts of clutter and actual lower satisfaction in life. Wow. So it's a very broad statement to say the more clutter you have in your life, the less satisfied you are. And 52% of people who have hoarding, you know, so we're going to the other opposite end of the spectrum, um, who have hoarding tendencies usually have um hoarding based on difficult life situations. So there's trauma, there's um unpredicted things that have happened in their lives, and there's stressors that they're not able to um tolerate or manage well. And so sometimes it can be more of a psychological situation that ends up in a physical situation, but sometimes our physical space can create more of a psychological um impact as well. So it goes both ways.

SPEAKER_02

It does. Sometimes it can start as a mental health issue, which then is manifested in clutter. Yes. But sometimes the clutter is first, and then that causes us to have mental health like anxiety and overwhelm.

SPEAKER_00

Overwhelm, anxiety, stress, yeah. And and they say that people um from Cornell University did another study that found that stress related to clutter actually triggers avoidance strategies. So this is where that psychological part comes in. So binge eating, you know, avoiding things, escaping, watching more TV, which are unhealthy things physically and psychologically, but all can be started and triggered by our environment.

SPEAKER_01

So just feeling so overwhelmed, I I don't know what to do, I don't know where to start. So instead, I'm just gonna go eat this Ben and Jerry's. It makes me feel better. Yeah, or just go binge watch this show versus try to tackle this because it just feels overwhelming. And it sounds like what we talked about with the all or nothing thinking of either I've got this room completely cleaned up, or it's just forget it, it's just a disaster and we're leaving it this way.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, and I think a lot of us feel like I have to have it just right or it's not right. And so we really want to make sure people know that the reframe and reclaim process is an actual process, and it's really based on what you feel comfortable with and what feels right for you in that time. There's not a this is how to do it and this is not how to do it, but it's actual seven steps, and it starts with the reflecting of like how you want your space to feel and how you want to feel in your space, and so it's really personal to you, which helps us really identify what we want our space to reflect in ourselves and our homes and making that more feel connected to who we are.

SPEAKER_01

So the R is for ref reflecting.

SPEAKER_00

Yes.

SPEAKER_01

Okay, so really instead of just looking at the stuff and saying, What do I do with it? It's looking at the space and saying, How do I want to feel? Envisioning what you want it to look like and how you want to feel in this space.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, how I want to feel, but also how I want the space to function. A lot of times our space functions multi, you know, for multi-reasons. Um, and that can be really helpful for smaller spaces or spaces that need to have that function, but then it can really feel haphazard. So, how do we really organize that or create a space that feels intentional and feels kind of structured and tidy in the same sense too?

SPEAKER_02

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. So reframe and reframe and reclaim name of the book. You also have a podcast. Yes. So tell us more about really what that means. Like let's let's kind of focus on the title, like reframe. So is that that's really kind of more of your part as a therapist? Yes, it is. And then reclaim. Um, we have Jen who's gonna join us on the next episode. Is that's really more of like the actual organization of the space. So it it's definitely more than just home organization.

SPEAKER_00

It is so much more, and I think this is very different than some of the other organizational um strategies we found. You know, it is like do this and then this will happen, and like this is a system you use, and this is really going a little bit deeper into you personally, and so the reframe is one is who am I? There's a lot of reflective questions of who I am and how I connect with my things, but it's how do these things in my home reflect who I am and how do I connect with them? A lot of people, there's a lot of excuses of why we have the things in our homes. Sometimes it's I may use it one day, and I have this because I have the hope and the desire to be that person or do those hobbies, which is really wonderful. But we also know that sometimes those hobbies don't actually come around to fruition. Um and a lot of people also sometimes feel obligated, like it was a gift given to me. I have to keep this because it would be disrespectful or someone's feelings would get hurt. Um, and I feel like this obligation or necessity to keep this, but it doesn't really fit with me. I don't connect with it as much. Um, and then we also have like this is valuable, maybe um it could be worth a lot. And I we see a lot of this in the older generations, like the coin collecting, the stamp collecting, the the collections of miniatures and things, which is really fun and it can create a lot of adrenaline and excitement to collect all the pieces to those collections. But in reality, will these really be that valuable and will it pay off for me financially and emotionally in the long run? Um, and so I think there's a lot of things in our environments that we have because they're useful or I might need them, or I feel like I have to have them. But when we go through those reflective questions, it can really help us to identify what items really need to belong in our space and what items I can let go of.

SPEAKER_01

So funny story just pulling up today for the the podcast. I was getting out of the car and I have in our back seat, and we talked about this earlier, but it's two like camping mats and two um camping tents that have sat in our shed probably for eight years unused, because that that exactly what you're describing, this idea of like, oh, maybe we will be a camping family. We are obviously not. So um having these tents with tags on them, it's it's time for me to pass those on to somebody who can actually use them. But I reading this book just helped me to look around and start to recognize how that's connected, you know, what the idea of who we think we are, who we actually are, what we'll actually are using versus just holding on to and taking up space. It's so helpful. Just that reframing. I love that.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, I agree. I mean, same tennis rackets, like it's not gonna happen. I I I gotta just focus on what I do, which is running, and and let that go, right? Like just be okay with this is who I am, this is my season. And maybe there will be a future season. Sure. That's fine. Yeah, give yourself permission, but for right now, permission to let it go.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, and a lot of people that used to be their identity, you know? It used to be that's what I did, and it reminds me of my past, and there can be a lot of sentimentality in that. Oh, yes. Right? We can all feel that way. However, we want to make sure that those things aren't getting wasted away, or if we are holding on to them, that they're getting stored and preserved appropriately too.

SPEAKER_02

I may have a whole bag of my old track shoes, like my very first track spikes ever, ever. And yeah, do I wear them? Obviously not. Do I look at them? No, but when my husband found the bag in the garage, he's like, Can this? I'm like, Don't you touch that. You put that down. You know, because he very much is like, clean it out, throw it away, get rid of it. I mean, we joke. There was there was a basket of toys when our daughter was about three, and she had this really cute little mini mouse kind of CD player, it was a toy CD player, right? And he just kind of got on a little clean out thing and just was like, we don't use this, we don't use it. And I'm like, literally the next day she goes, Mommy, where's my mini mouse CD player? And I sure did say, Your daddy threw that away. Like, you threw me under the bus. I'm like, Yes, you don't know what she plays with, and what she does. So he very much is from kind of well, that's actually not true. His family holds on to everything, especially furniture. Furniture's a big one for his side of the family. Um and he also got in big trouble because he got rid of a piece of furniture that was apparently super important to his mom and his grandma and like his, you know, nostalgic, what have you. But we didn't have space for it. So he's all about getting rid of it. I'm definitely more kind of that nostalgia, holding on to the memories and the and just what I that feeling and emotion that I associate with those items.

SPEAKER_00

A lot of people do, and it's not wrong or bad, it's just do I have the space for that? Does that fit for me right now? And I think the reframe and reclaim goes through this is your timeline. You hold on to those shoes and and open those shoes and look at those shoes when you want to, but make sure they're being preserved and not, you know, getting more wear and tear in a cardboard box and a really hot garage in Texas. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. So what do you see that makes it difficult for people to to part with things?

SPEAKER_00

I think a lot of people, one is change. Um, you know, what what's gonna happen when this changes, but I think a lot of people, when we worked with clients in the um case studies, is it's gonna take so much time. It's gonna be too much time, it's gonna be too much effort, it's gonna be overwhelming, and I just don't know where to start. You know, we have this whole house, and that's why we talk about let's start with a drawer, let's start with a closet. And so in the book, when we work with those clients, you know, we allow them to make the mental decisions and we bring the system of organizing and discarding and kind of sorting through everything. And a lot of people are super surprised that it doesn't take as long as you think it will. I think that if you're doing it alone, you know, we can sometimes hesitate or, you know, kind of avoid those um tasks that are not as easy to do. But if you do it with a friend, or if you have a professional organizer come in, um, or if you give yourself like a a goal, you know, I'm gonna do this one box, I'm gonna look through this one box in the garage, or I'm gonna look through this one linen closet, then it can really give you a sense of satisfaction of how quickly those things can get done.

SPEAKER_02

Good.

SPEAKER_00

So make it more manageable, a little bite-sized.

SPEAKER_02

Yes, yeah.

SPEAKER_00

The pomodoro is really great. 20 minutes of working on it and then step away, you know, or get one box done and then step away. Don't have to do it all at one time. What else are you seeing with some of your clients more recently? Um, so in my prior practice, I will say it's really interesting. I don't know if you notice this too with clients who come in, is um home life comes up a lot more um than like the big things sometimes. You know, it's like there's um, you know, my wife is having a challenge with, you know, bringing in more things and and shopping. And so, or my kids' toys are all over all the time and they haven't learned how to clean and they haven't learned how to organize. And so I see a lot in just the mental health space um in private practice that clients are just struggling with the everyday stuff. You know, we don't realize how much the little things throughout the day really do impact us, and so we are working on, you know, communication, we're working on, you know, team building in the house and having everybody have a role and really coming up with strategies of how to tackle something together and then creating those systems together as well. Um, but on the other hand, is sometimes there's people who have had traumas in their lives, they've had a lot of difficulty, and that there's just not a lot more energy to give to some of those daily things. I'm really just trying to survive. I'm really just trying to cope and manage with you know the mental and the emotional impact of all this. But if they were to go through and and have that support to start working on their space, then it does start to kind of lighten their emotions and and their mental overview too.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, it's a cycle.

SPEAKER_00

It is a cycle.

SPEAKER_01

So we talked about the R. What is the E?

SPEAKER_00

So the E is to evaluate. So as we're looking at reflecting, looking at the space, we want to see how does a space want to feel and function. And then the E is evaluating all of the different items. So we really want to evaluate what belongs in this space, what doesn't belong in this space, and then if it doesn't belong in the space, find another home for it. And it may be another room in your house, it may be another space, or it may be something that I'm donating or maybe discarding if it's not usable.

SPEAKER_01

So now that I know re-evaluated what I want this space to look like, now I'm thinking about what actually belongs here in this space that I'm trying to create.

SPEAKER_00

Yes. So if you're looking at a kitchen, you know, and I'm wanting to reframe this kitchen, um, a lot of people will have a lot of extra dishes and um serving wear and china sets and all these things are wonderful, but then it's the reflective questions of does this fit for how I want this kitchen to function? Does it fit for what I want this kitchen to feel like? And so if it is the empty countertops and if it is the well-organized drawers, then some things may need to leave the space and some things can stay. And so it's really like what is what do I use the most, or maybe what is most important for me, and maybe some of the other things that I don't use as much or maybe don't have as much connection to.

SPEAKER_01

Or maybe even just the deciding to use the things that you have. Like for me, I know for China or maybe some other dishes, it was like I really want to keep these, but I never use them. What keeps me from using them? I feel like I have to hand wash them. Well, what if I just wash them in the dishwasher? Right. And like I would much much rather use these things and put them in the dishwasher on the light cycle than just have them sitting in this cabinet and never use them. Are there are there things like that that just like rethinking to actually use the things you have versus getting rid of them or vice versa?

SPEAKER_00

We actually had a client who was going through her curio cabinet and it was all the collectibles and things that have been passed down in her family. If I remember this one, yeah. Um and so as we're going through it, she had so many beautiful things, but there was so much you really couldn't see each item for itself.

SPEAKER_01

And so as then it's like, what's the point of even having all these things? We can appreciate you don't even know what you have. Right.

SPEAKER_00

It's just a whole lot. And so as we took everything out, you know, um, we looked at, you know, what each item was, and she made a little note about it. And actually, some of the things that she kept in there for like just looking at, she's like, you know, I kind of want to use it. I want to see it every day. I want to like talk about it with my family, I want to talk about it with people who come over. I want to host and use these things. And so it was really fun to see and hear the story and history of each of those items, but also see her reframing that it's maybe not so precious to just be viewed. I really want to like see it and have it in my space and and have those memories and have those things come up for her more regularly than just walking by that curio cabinet. And when we filtered everything out of the curio cabinet, we actually labeled it so that every like shelf had its own theme and it was really beautiful, and it had notes next to each item so that when people came over, she could talk about it, or when her children inherit those things, they will actually know about those items and the history of them.

SPEAKER_02

That's beautiful.

SPEAKER_00

It was really one of my favorite actual clients to work with.

SPEAKER_02

And I think we need I know me personally, I don't want to speak for everyone, but I want I want to get away from this kind of scarcity mentality. You talk about it in the book as well, kind of saving those luxury bath items, and then they expire because you're saving them. You're saving them for like a special moment or a special day, and you know, same with the China. It's like you get it for your wedding and you like and you save it. Okay, like what are we saving it for? Yeah, this is life today, right now. The ordinary moments is what builds your life. Yes, use it, wear the fancy shoes, like put on the outfit, use the luxury. The why are we saving it? So, where does that come from? This kind of Is it scarcity mentality? Is it what what is going on there in my mental space? I'm like not willing to fully lean in and use these special things.

SPEAKER_00

I think there's a lot of things that are mixed in there. And it can be the scarcity, like there's not enough of this, or I want to use it very sparingly, or it's very precious. But the I think also is this idea of value, like it's important or it's expensive, or I don't want it to break. So if I use it, like the China, you know, I have my grandmother's china and I have my china for my wedding, and we get my china out a whole lot, but not my grandmother's china as much, because it depends on who's there eating, you know. Do we have the whole family and all the extended cousins and the young kids? Or is it a dinner party for just adults who are going to be a little more careful? But I think it is one of those things where, like you said, like, why don't we enjoy the nice lotions or or the bath salts or the nice china or the the nice jacket that we, you know, have for special occasions? I think we sometimes think it's not special enough, or it's not good enough.

SPEAKER_01

But the occasion isn't special enough. The thing. Okay.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, the occasion isn't special enough, or or you know, this moment isn't good enough for me to use this. Um, but I love how you talk about like, why not? Why can't I make this a special moment? Why can't I make it a special occasion?

SPEAKER_01

Using it makes this a special thing.

SPEAKER_00

And that's the reframe too, is I can use this and it can become special. It can be a special dinner or it can be a special, you know, decompression time for me. It can be a Monday. Yeah, it doesn't have to be, you know, a special vacation that we go on.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, that's so great. I want to try to do that more. Yeah. You know, break out the good stuff.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. Yeah, why not? That's true. Why not? So, um, what else? Any other parting thoughts as we wrap this piece up?

SPEAKER_00

I think our book in itself is not written for the hoarding and the collectors. I think a lot of people feel like, oh, that's not me. That's not me. But I think it really is for the everyday woman, the everyday family, the everyday individual of really looking at your space and is it really reflecting who you are? Does it feel good for where you're at in life? Is it still reflecting who I was 10 years ago? Um, is it reflecting who I want to be or how I want my life to be? And so it really can be anything that you can imagine, and it really is very personalized. So our hope is that people take this book, go through the self-led uh seven steps, and hopefully find a little bit more peace of mind um in making spaces that feel good for them, that function well for them, but also reflect who they are.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. I thought it was very helpful. It's a really helpful book. I underlined and starred lots of different quotes and questions to ask yourself when you're looking at whether to keep things or not. Um, I thought it was a very helpful, helpful book. Thank you guys for going away.

SPEAKER_02

So the reclaim, that's the acronym. So we've already made it through. So it's R-E-C-L-A-I-M. So I can't wait to dig in to the next um steps in that on our next episode with Jen Harris. But just to review what you've covered, you've covered the R. Yes, the reframe. Reframe, and you've covered the E.

SPEAKER_00

The evaluate. Okay. Did we get to any others? Well, I will have to say Jen can cover it too, but my favorite is the C. Yes. Which is clean because I love clean things. I love cleaning them out. And so the next step before you get to the organizing and all the things that Jen is just a brilliant master of is actually taking everything out of the space, everything. So you can see it differently too. So whenever you empty the space and like freshen it up, vacuum, dust, wipe down countertops, you can actually see the space so differently than if you have everything in it. And so that actually does a kind of a double take of the reframe. I can reenvision this a little better. And then that's when the magic starts for putting it into place, your dreams and your hopes and making it a reality for your home.

SPEAKER_01

So even if it's just a drawer you're cleaning out, you're gonna totally empty the drawer, wipe it out, and say, Okay, I know what I'm gonna use this drawer for.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, make it nice and fresh and clean and just ready for any new possibilities.

SPEAKER_02

I love that. That's amazing. Well, we can't wait for the next episode. We're gonna continue through our reframe and reclaim process. If your space feels overwhelming, it may simply be a reflection of how much you've been carrying. Would you agree with that?

SPEAKER_00

Definitely.

SPEAKER_02

And when you begin to shift the way you think, when you reframe your relationship with your environment, you really can begin to reclaim a sense of calm, clarity, and control. Don't we all want that? So a huge thank you to Courtney Huckabay. Please check out their book, Reframe and Reclaim. It's on Audible. Also, their podcasts by the same name. Yes, ma'am. Yeah. Wherever you listen to this podcast, um, do follow Reframe and Reclaim. If you loved this episode, it would mean so much if you would share it with a friend who might need to hear this today. I'm sending this to my mom. I love you, mom. But um, you're retiring soon and you know what's coming. The house clean out. Um, leave us a review and be sure to subscribe so you don't miss future episodes. Thanks for joining A Journey to Whole Woman Health.

SPEAKER_01

Thank you for joining us on A Journey to Whole Woman Health. If this episode encouraged you, share it with a friend, leave a review, or subscribe so you don't miss future conversations. Remember, your questions matter, your health matters, and wholeness is a journey. Until next time.

SPEAKER_02

Now for the legal language. The information shared in this podcast is for educational purposes only, and is not intended as medical or mental health advice. Listening to this podcast does not establish a doctor-patient or therapist-client relationship. Always consult your own qualified health care provider regarding any medical concerns.