How do you want to show up? Choosing our actions in tough times

When life feels like it’s out of your control — when the rain won’t come, prices drop, or your energy’s running low — it’s easy to feel stuck. In this episode, Steph explores how to make meaningful choices even when the situation itself can’t be changed.

Drawing on her background as a psychologist and her lived experience on the farm, Steph introduces the Noticing Map, a practical tool to help you pause, reflect, and act in ways that align with your values. You’ll learn how to:

• Step back from the noise and identify what really matters to you right now.
• Notice the thoughts and emotions pulling you off track.
• Recognise your go-to coping strategies—helpful and unhelpful.
• Choose one small, workable action that moves you toward the person you want to be.

It’s not about pretending things are easy—it’s about finding your next step forward.

🎧 From Stress to Strength: Navigating Life on the Land is part of the Farm Life Psych with Steph Schmidt podcast, proudly supported by Ski for Life, promoting mental health and suicide prevention across rural Australia.

🛠 Key Takeaway: Even when we can’t change our circumstances, we can choose how we show up. Small, intentional choices—grounded in our values—help us move from stress toward strength.

Check out the Farm Life Handbook for videos and resources to help you navigate farming life: www.farmlifehandbook.com.au

Connect with Steph:

www.https://www.instagram.com/stephschmidt.farmlifepsych/https://www.linkedin.com/in/stephschmidtfarmlifepsych/

⚠️ Disclaimer

This podcast shares general information, reflections, and strategies for wellbeing and mental health, but it is not a substitute for professional or clinical advice. If you or someone you know is struggling, please reach out for support.

In Australia, you can contact:

• Lifeline: 13 11 14
• Suicide Call Back Service: 1300 659 467
• Beyond Blue: 1300 22 4636

If you are in crisis or need immediate help, please call 000 or visit your nearest hospital emergency department.

Connect with Steph

• Steph's website
• Digital Hub for Farmers: farmlifehandbook.com.au 
• Steph on Facebook
• Steph on LinkedIn
• Steph on Instagram
• Steph's upcoming events

The Farm Life Psych podcast shares general information and personal reflections to support wellbeing — it isn't therapy, counselling, or personal advice, and it's not a substitute for support from a qualified professional. If something's sitting heavily with you, please reach out to your GP, a psychologist, or a trusted support service. If you're in crisis or need to talk to someone now, contact Lifeline on 13 11 14. You're not alone, and reaching out is a strength.

Transcript

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It's really easy to get caught in those wishes and wants and also to not relinquish the expectations on ourselves, but just to recognise or think that if the world were different, it would be easier for us to cope. And there's no denying that's probably true at times, but we are in the world that we're in, which means we have to take some responsibility for how we're managing things and how we're taking care of ourselves. Welcome back to another episode of From Stress to Strength, a special series of the Farm Life Psych podcast supported by Speed for Life. We are on the home stretch. This is episode 9 of the 10-part series. And what I wanted to focus on today was how do we choose how we want to show up when it feels like there's so much that is outside of our control, when it feels like there are so many other things that could be better, that could be different, that would make it easier for us, but they feel out of our control. So, in today's episode, what I've wanted to dive into a bit because it's something that's coming up a lot in conversations and at workshops or just in general with people, is how do we make choices when it feels like it there is so much outside of our control? In the world in general, in farming, it does always seem like there's a lot out of our control, and it's really easy to get caught in the the what-ifs or the wishful thinking. If the systems were different, this would be easier. If we got better prices, it would be easier. Like all the things, it's really easy to get caught in those wishes and wants, and also to not relinquish the expectations on ourselves, but just to recognise or think that if the world were different, it would be easier for us to cope. And there's no denying that's probably true at times, but we are in the world that we're in, which means we have to take some responsibility for how we're managing things and how we're taking care of ourselves. Something I speak about time and time again, something I have to remind myself of time and time again. And through this series, I've shared hopefully lots of yes, small practical strategies that you can do each day, do regularly to improve your well-being, to take care of yourself even during stressful times, to take care of your relationships, to look after your family. And what I wanted to pull in today was a tool that can help us make these choices. It's something I often go through in workshops. Also, if you head across to Farm Life Handbook, a new digital hub that I have created with the support of Preventative Health SA, you can get some more videos on this tool and a heap of other tools, which are all around helping build psychological flexibility. But this tool, I call it the Noticing Map, some people call it a psychological flexibility dashboard. Others, when it was first created, it was called the Act Act Matrix based on the approach it's from ACT or Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. Really, it's just a framework to help us make decisions and help us choose how we want to show up in the world. So most likely you're listening to this on audio, so you're not gonna see anything in front of you. But here is, and I'll see whether I can bring this to the screen, but this is the map, it's not gonna focus on there, of one point, and all we need to do is draw four quadrants because it helps us look at our experiences through two four different quadrants. So on a piece of paper in front of you, you can draw this out like a four quadrant in all in front of you, and it recognizes that we have two basic directions, two basic motivations for our behavior, especially when dealing with emotionally challenging events. We're either driven to find the meaning, to hunt the meaning down, to move towards our values, towards what really matters most to us, or on the other hand, we move to escape pain, to get away from unwanted feelings, unwanted thoughts, unwanted memories and sensations that come up in our body. Both of those are perfectly reasonable responses to have. But it's then checking in to look at okay, well, what am I doing and how helpful is this? So they can kind of correlate to questions that we can ask ourselves to reflect on these situations and then help us to choose which way we're heading, what we want to do. And the more we strengthen our ability to notice, to pay attention, to kind of zoom out and take that step back from the situation that smacked us in the face, we then strengthen our ability to choose how we actually want to show up. So then, so we've got moving towards what matters, hunting down meaning, moving moving away from pain, kind of getting away from harmful feelings. We also have like our inner world and our outer world that we experience as well. That's the other side of the quadrant. And so we go through and ask ourselves four questions that fit within this. And look, even if you haven't jotted down the quadrant, you can still think through these four questions. And the first we look at is is our why, coming back to who and what is important to me. Why am I actually doing this? Kind of getting that clarity about your purpose, about what you're trying to accomplish, why you're trying to accomplish it, how you want to be showing up as a person as well. Asking yourself why you were doing this in the first place. So, this might be especially important during those tough seasons. Asking yourself why this matters. It might be that love of being outdoors, that love of getting your hands dirty in the ground that is what drives you to be involved in farming. It might be that dream of creating a legacy for your kids, it might be the that joy that you get of working alongside your family as well. And a couple of questions. I've pinched these from one of, again, another book that I love, a psychologist in America, Todd Cashton, and he's got lots of books, but this one's called The Art of Insubordination. And I really like how he goes through these questions. They're in lots of different books, but these are a few ways of thinking of values in different ways. Again, maybe make this episode an interactive one. If you're listening to it driving in the car, think about when you can get home and think about this stuff as well. So grab that piece of paper and in front of you, I want you to write down the people and things that are most important to you. It might be your family, your kids, your partner, your mum and dad, your community, the things that are most important. So taking out a piece of paper and listing down the following the people, the things that are most important to you, then also the details about your current purpose in life. And I think it's okay to recognize that this changes season by season, year by year as well. So if you are deep in the trenches of parenting with young kids, that might look very different to if it's just you on your farm by yourself or on the farm with older kids and family, whatever the situation might be. But just thinking about what are some the details of your why, what gets you out of bed every day, and then what are the core values that underlie that purpose? Take some time for yourself and really think about this and write down as much as you can. Just do a brain dump of all the stuff, and then as you dump it all out, you might then reflect on a few of the key parts of it, the key messages of it, and pop them on a poster, pop it on the wall in your office, and put it next to your bed, even the wallpaper on your phone as that reminder of your why. And I love these questions on clarifying around the who and the what because sometimes we we automatically go, oh, family, being loving, being giving, whatever it might be, but thinking a little bit further, so it might be like who are the people you would most like to thank? Think about how they helped you, how they might have been a role model, what are some of the parts of the your identity that they've reinforced? Who's the wisest person you know? What is it that you admire or would like to be like in them? What do you think is your main purpose in life? What makes you strong? So thinking about all of those capabilities and capacities that you have that allow you to get those great results that you do, whether you're working, socializing, playing. So, what's your strengths profile in a way and know what it is and then own it, make the most of it. It might be your hard work, your grit, your determination, your perseverance, it might be your creativity, your sense of humor. Get to know that strengths profile and really take charge of it. If you had a magic wand that you could wave to get rid of all of your insecurities, what would you be doing differently? I love those magic wand questions. If you had unlimited money, what would you be doing differently? And imagining you could achieve anything, what would you be doing and why? And then often in values, like we think about the end of our lives, like you can do an exercise, imagining what people might say at your 80th birthday or at your funeral. And so thinking about well, at the end of your life, what do you want to be remembered for? Why? Why is that what comes out for you? And recognizing that when we think about our values, there's always a trade-off in there. So we might hold really high values around our family, but also high values around our work and what we want to achieve on the farm, or we work off farm and have values in our career, and we also want to be part of a contributing person in our community, and we also want to take care of ourselves and have hobbies and fun. And there's just limited amounts of time for us to do all of these things. So recognizing that there will always be trade-offs, so that check in and just helping yourself come back again to what's most important now and why. So then, as you've started to pull in that who and what is most important for that first question, step number two is getting in touch with that discomfort, looking at what are the unwanted thoughts and feelings and sensations and memories that show up, and often maybe as we're trying to move towards those things that are important or just show up day to day. It might be tiredness, it might be frustration, it might be that sense of overwhelm, it might be those thoughts around there's too much to do, or this is unfair, or even those system thoughts I talked about at the start, that it shouldn't be like this, it should be easier than this. So noticing and just naming those thoughts, noticing those sensations as they show up, the more specific that we can be in describing those experiences as well, and starting to label and name our emotions is incredibly beneficial. So the more we can label and pull down instead of feeling like mad, sad, bad, glad, like our four overall emotions, if we can start to pull that down to a little bit more nuance. So I'm feeling irritated, I'm feeling overwhelmed, I'm feeling agitated, I'm feeling uncertain. The more we can label our emotions, the more we could get a sense of what it is. Like when we've got a name for it, we know the next steps as well. But we're not needing to do anything more right now, we're purely naming them and noticing them. So take what you notice, again, list it down, pop it in there, and I'll work out how to. Well, one, you can find these tools at Farm Life Handbook, or and I'll work out if I can add them in the show notes as well. After you've started to notice, so step two is noticing what's that internal stuff that shows up. Then step three is looking at okay, well, what are the things I do to reduce, avoid, control that unwanted mental content that shows up. So, really taking stock and checking in with what your coping mechanisms, what your coping strategies are, and giving yourself a bit of grace, recognizing that it's human nature to want to get rid of this unpleasant stuff. It doesn't feel nice when you're feeling angry, it doesn't feel nice when you're anxious or worried. So, automatic reaction is to try and get rid of it. So, taking stock of what we do. Some of these things might be trying to ignore our unwanted thoughts, trying to block them out and not think about them, suppress them or correct them, think positively with a positive affirmations, distract ourselves from them. So it might be like mindless social media scrolling on your phone, mindlessly watching TV. We might numb out and self-medicate with alcohol or food or chocolate or other drugs. Even things like exercise can be a coping mechanism that we put in. And again, it's not necessarily about going what's good or bad, but looking at how workable they are. How well is it working for you? So, again, on that piece of paper, list down for yourself all of the ways that you attempt or your favorite coping strategies, not worrying if they're good or bad, just dump them down. It might be the mindless haul through the pantry for all the chocolate, it might be yelling at the kids, like checking in, and then as you've listed them all down, how well do these strategies work for you both in the short term and in the long term? Are they easing that pain short term, but then potentially building into that pain loop in the long term or causing other problems in the long term as well? And so, what we can start to do as an alternative of some of those automatic coping strategies that we have are a few strategies to just unhook a little bit from those thoughts and feelings, to get unfused from them instead of getting really stuck or trying to push or avoid all of those unwanted thoughts that show up, just getting unhooked. So simply by noticing and naming them again is a way of unfusing them, unfusing them, defusing them. I'm having the thought that I'm too tired to do this, or I'm having the thought that this season's going to be another flop, and just finding ways to get a little bit of space. And the more we do this, the more it gives us that chance. Unfortunately, it's not once and done. You do have to keep that noticing and keep getting that separation from your thoughts, but as you do it, you start to notice that you can have those uncomfortable experiences there, and then still move into what you want to do. Another, a few other strategies that we can use to get that space from our thoughts might be giving our story a name. We've all got our pet stories that show up time and time again. So it might be the I'm a shitty mum story that shows up, it might be the drought sucks story that shows up. It might be look, I even have a story around the and at the moment because I talk about the and so much, and I know how helpful it is, and my mind likes to remind me how helpful the and is. But sometimes I'm like, oh, really? And so I've like, here's the freaking end again. So just recognizing those stories. A really good way, as well, is just to recognize almost like treating our mind as something separate for us. So as simple as saying, thanks, mind, thanks for that one. You might give your give your mind a name, even as well, and just those little recognition, oh thanks, mind, here you go again. I've heard that one before, mind. You've told me that one a few hundred times. Again, just getting that distance between our thoughts and ourselves as well. What we can even do is start to bring in a little bit of curiosity. So when that voice in your mind starts talking to you, start thinking about what is that voice like? What are you going to come up with? Bring in a bit of curiosity and start to notice that you are noticing the noticing in a way. It sounds a bit woo-woo, but it can be really helpful again to get that distance. Okay, so we've noticed the thoughts, the feelings that tend to show up. We've noticed some of our coping strategies, checking in on are these unhelpful or are these helpful? Starting to bring in some ways of bringing in a bit of diffusion, getting unhooked away from our thoughts. And then the final step for is looking at okay, well, if I was really living in line with those values up the top, what who and what matters most to me, what would I be doing, or what am I doing already to move towards my values, to hunt down that meaning? And it's about that choice again to show up as the person, the version of ourselves that we really want to be, even when all the shit stuff is going on, even when life is incredibly tough and there's so much that's outside of our control. How do we choose to be the person that we truly want to be? And thinking about what are those actual things, like if there was a fly on the wall or a documentary team following you around, what would that actually look like? And again, get a piece of paper and write it down. And it's not just about I don't know, I'd still be farming really hard or I'd be having fun with my kids. Think about what are more of actualities in there. So I'd choose to listen to music that really uplifts me. I would watch movies on the weekend that feel like a warm hug. What are some of those ways that you would love to identify yourself? And I sometimes, again, I love in this book, Todd Cashton refers to it as striving. So what are we moving towards? What are we striving towards? So, yes, you might have your value of being loving or being curious or being persevering or hardworking, and then think of what is the striving that that looks like as you move towards. So it might be going for a walk each day, it might be something like if connection is something really important in your relationship, having that striving of giving your partner a call and having a 10-minute chat to them each day, no matter what's going on. Just finding those practical measures and and set yourself some goals of what you want to work for. Also recognize the obs that obstacles are gonna show up along the way. It's not as easy as saying, right, I am going to take care of my health and I'm gonna go for a walk every day. Also, need to recognize that part of that you're gonna get the chatter that shows up in your mind of I'm too tired, I don't want to do this, this is too hard. And so checking in of what you can do to take care of and manage that. Okay, I'm gonna stop that. Okay, so summing up the four parts of that quadrant, the four questions to really think about. One, who and what matters to me in this situation, who and what matters most to me right now, reminding yourself of your reason why. Then two, thinking about what's some of that unwanted mental content that tends to show up. What are those unwanted thoughts and feeling sensations that I'm experiencing? And then three, what do I tend to do when that unwanted stuff shows up? What are my coping strategies? What are the things that I do to reduce, control, avoid those unwanted thoughts or feelings and memories? And finally, four, what am I doing, or could I be doing more of to really chase my values to strive towards being the person that I want to be most? Giving yourself the brain dump of that, using or attach this framework into the show notes, find it at farmlifehandbook.com.au and put it out on paper. Put out your values to remind yourself of these things. Remind yourself of what one or two of those drivings can be, and then most importantly, put it into practice. Like every single thing I've talked about in this series so far. Nothing changes unless we actually make it. Change as tricky as that is sometimes. But don't aim to change everything all at once. It might just be choosing one thing, focusing on improving your sleep. Focus on that for a whole month and just focus on that. Or getting your body moving. You might just focus on that. One thing at a time. Don't overwhelm yourself. But just bring it bring it back to those small steps. I hope you found this helpful. I hope it hasn't been too kind of discombobulated all over the shop. As always, I'd love to hear from you. Send me a message, an email, leave a comment wherever you listen to your episodes. And I'd love it if you could share this series with somebody who you feel it could also connect with. The support from Ski for Life has been really invaluable in getting this series recorded. Absolutely grateful for that, so I'd love to get the word out and so as many people can listen to it. As always, make sure you take care of you and don't forget to fill your silo.