Don't believe everything you think: Escaping the thinking traps

Our minds are meaning-making machines — but sometimes, they trap us in loops of self-criticism, worst-case scenarios, and unhelpful comparisons. In this episode, Steph unpacks the most common thinking traps we all fall into, especially when stress levels are high and life on the land feels overwhelming.

You’ll learn:

• Why thinking traps are normal (and not a sign that something's wrong with you)
• The most common traps: all-or-nothing thinking, catastrophizing, mind reading, "shoulds" and "musts", labelling, overgeneralizing, emotional reasoning, and minimising your own strengths
• Simple tools to step out of these loops and regain perspective
• How to use the STOPP strategy to interrupt spirals and take meaningful next steps

Whether you're stuck in your own head or supporting someone else who is, this episode offers practical ways to pause, notice, and choose what happens next.

🧠 You don’t have to believe every thought you have. But you can learn to notice it — and choose your next move.

Referenced strategies:

• STOPP: Stop – Take a breath – Observe – Pull back – Proceed with what matters
• The 5x5 perspective rule
• “I’m having the thought that…” defusion tool
• 
  

This episode is part of the From Stress to Strength series, proudly supported by Ski for Life, a grassroots organisation promoting mental health, wellbeing and suicide prevention in rural communities across Australia.

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🌾 Connect with Steph on Instagram & Facebook: @stephschmidt.farmlifepsych
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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Our brains are meaning-making machines, so they want to make sense of everything that we're experiencing. But what tends to happen is our thinking really narrows down, and we have a number of biases that we get caught in. Welcome to From Stress to Strength, a special series of the Farm Life Psych podcast. I'm Steph Schmidt, a psychologist, a farmer, mum of three glorious boys, and someone who knows firsthand just how heavy things can feel on the land right now. I am navigating it all right here beside you. This series is proudly supported by Ski for Life, a wonderful grassroots organisation promoting mental health, well-being, and suicide prevention in rural communities. In 2024 and now ongoing into 2025, farmers across South Australia and really beyond as well are facing relentless pressures. The ongoing drought, tough decisions, financial stress, sheer exhaustion are weighing heavily on individuals, families, and communities. So this series is here to offer something real, something practical, some practical tools, honest conversations, and simple ways to look after your well-being even when you're in the thick of it. So let's get into today's episode. In our episode last, we looked at some really just practical ideas that you can use in the moment to manage those periods of distress, of really kind of heightened in the moment things you can do to get you through. I'd love to hear from you how you've found that, if there's anything you've started putting into practice, anything that's been your takeaway. And so, from I guess moving from that real in the moment strategies, what I wanted to move into today is something that shows up for all of us, especially during stressful seasons, like the one we're in now, or I think really just in life in general. I'm talking about thinking traps, the the loops, the stories that we get caught up in when our brain is trying to make sense of the world around us, of the uncertainty, the pressure, those painful emotions that come with life on the land, but that come with life in general. These are the patterns that might sound like I should be coping better. Everyone does a better job than me. We're screwed if it doesn't rain. Everyone thinks I'm failing. And I guess the thing is, those thoughts that come up in the moment, they feel true. And look, honestly, I don't think it actually matters whether they are true or not. Getting into an argument with your mind on whether these thoughts are true or not doesn't always help. So what we want to check in with these thoughts is not so much whether they are true or false or right or wrong, but whether they're helpful, whether they're useful. So what I want to do in today's episode is to unpack some of the most common thinking traps so you can realize that you're not alone in the thinking traps that you get caught in, that in fact your brain is just doing what all of our brains tend to do. And then walk you through a couple of strategies that we can use to step out of these traps. Because once we learn to notice these loops, once we learn to notice these thinking traps that we get caught in, we can start to choose what happens next. We can start to choose to step out of those leaps, we can start to choose to step out of those stories, recognize them for what they are, just thoughts and stories turning up. And then once we've noticed them, we can step away or choose what we do next. So, what are thinking traps? So they're definitely not a sign that something's wrong with you. They're actually just part of being human. In fact, there are brains' way of trying to cope, there are brains' way of trying to make sense of the overload of information that we have around us. Our brains are kind of meaning-making machines, so they want to make sense of everything that we're experiencing. But what tends to happen is our thinking really narrows down, and we have a number of biases that we get caught in. And these biases, these thinking habits or patterns have evolved, like not just within your lifetime, but have evolved over thousands of years. So we're constantly trying to interpret and make sense of the world around us, and because there's such a huge amount of information, our brains develop shortcuts really, which and they're not always accurate. So these biases, almost like categorizations, are things that most of us do all the time. And they're honestly like they're not entirely problematic, they tend to happen automatically. But probably in times when we're less stressed, these thinking traps, these thinking patterns can come up and we don't get as hooked into them. But the more stressed we are, the whether we're under more kind of physical and emotional or mental stress, whether we start to kind of blur into that space of experiencing depression, anxiety, a whole lot of other mental health issues, what happens is our thinking narrows, we become more fixed, we become more rigid, we become more reactive as well, and we're looking for certainty and control. So our mind starts filling the blanks in the stories and how we're making sense of our world, often with the worst-case scenarios, with rigid rules, with self-criticisms. But just because a thought possibly feels really familiar, maybe is really loud in your mind, that doesn't necessarily mean it's actually helpful right in that moment. So our thinking traps are almost like mental shortcuts. Our mind's gonna do them, our mind likes to take the easiest route, they often come up in the background quickly, automatically, and if we don't notice them, they start to shape even more how we're experiencing the world. So it's like this vicious cycle in that the world shapes and influences the thoughts that we have, but then our thoughts start to then shape our actions, our emotions, how we see the world around us, even like our relationships and and how we interact with everyone else. So I'm going to just talk through. There's probably about, I don't know, 10 or more of these, but this is just a handful of probably like about six or seven of some of the main ones that do come up. Um so one of the most common ones is that all or nothing black and white thinking. When we see things in extremes, black or white, success or failure, no shades of grey. So it might be if I don't get everything done today, the day's over, I've failed, it's a disaster. If this season doesn't turn around, it's all over, there's no coming back. It might be when we have a breakdown, our mind gives us that all or nothing thinking in that everything bad always happens to me. Um, if something's gonna go wrong, it's all gonna go wrong. But the truth is that most of our life is actually lived in grey. Even a hard day might include something that worked. Even when we don't tick everything off, often we've still done something meaningful, even if it's tiny. Instead of I'm a type of person who can deal with this or I'm not, you might reflect and check in that your ability to cope with challenging things might fluctuate. And even just kind of catching out and going, okay, am I thinking all or nothing thinking at the moment, or is this black and white thinking? Is there an in-between? Is there a grey in this in this situation? Okay, catastrophizing. So this one's a big one, especially in uncertainty. Our brains, I guess again, like we are designed to look out for the worst case scenario. That's what's kept us safe over thousands and thousands of years. But what happens is the more stress we're under, the more uncertain our what's going on around us is, it's when our mind jumps to the worst case scenario even more. If we don't get any rain this month, we're gonna lose the farm. If we don't get the sheet prices that we need, then we're not gonna be able to pay our loans. Um sometimes our worries they make sense. We are facing serious pressures at the moment, and it's not about kind of just going, right, everything's rosy, there's nothing in there, but that catastrophizing can add an extra weight that almost like clicks into that fear response. It really paralyzes us, clicks us into freeze. So rather than getting caught in that real catastrophizing, again, it might be a space for just noticing and going, okay, thanks, mind you're catastrophizing a little bit here, and then stepping back and seeing, okay, is there a smaller part that I could see in this? What's another option? If your brain's getting caught in all of those what ifs, what if it goes right? What if it does rain? So asking yourself, what's the next step in front of me? Like, what's the smallest thing I do right now, or what else might actually happen? Just shifting that perspective just a tiny bit from that catastrophizing. Another one we are really good at doing is mind reading. So assuming we know what everyone else is thinking, and generally assuming the worst as well. So they think I can't cope with this. Everyone else is handling this better than me. But we're not inside anyone else's heads. We can't read what anyone else is saying, and we can't assume that we know what everyone else is thinking, either about us or the situations that we do know. And so we often forget that other people might be struggling too. We tend to overexaggerate what we're experiencing ourselves and kind of under-exaggerate what other people might be experiencing. And so a really gentle reframe to try for yourself in this situation is reminding yourself that okay, I don't actually know what they're thinking right now. Maybe I don't need a guess on what they're thinking. Maybe I can focus on what I can do, maybe I can focus on my choices right now. So, and again, just watching out for that mind reading. Like if you are thinking about a conversation that's gonna come up with your partner or your family, check in. Are you mind reading and predicting what they're actually going to say rather than giving yourself some space to maybe have that conversation in real life and let them say what they're actually gonna say rather than what your mind's predicting they're gonna say? Okay, shoulding or musting. Anyone else really good at the shoulds in their lives? So those harsh internal rules that we carry around, often we place really unrealistic demands on ourselves. I should be getting up every day and going for a 20-minute walk. Um, I must be doing this no matter what, I must be a better farmer, a better parent, a better friend. I shouldn't be feeling like this. It shouldn't be this hard. But shoulds when they come up, they often come from shame and they often trigger off that shame reaction, and it keeps us stuck in those judgments instead of being able to just check in and look at what's actually doable, what's actually possible right now. So, yeah, maybe when it comes to exercise, telling yourself every day I should be getting out of bed early and going for a walk, that'll make me feel better. I should be doing that because everyone else does, doesn't necessarily inspire change. So maybe to check in and just say to maybe one, visualize yourself taking that action, moving in and doing it, maybe even saying, I know I can get for a walk. Um, lots of different ways of doing, just catching those shoulds, even you might instead of like beating yourself up of I should be able to handle this better, um, I shouldn't be feeling like this, validating your experience right now. So, like, I wish things were different, I'm doing the best I can right now. Again, that reminder for ourselves that each and every one of us is doing the best that I can right now. So looking out again, just noticing those shoulds, the musts. Another one that we're pretty good at doing is labelling. Taking one experience, one emotion, and defining ourselves entirely by that one experience or emotion, often harsh sweeping statements that leave no wiggle room, they feed back into that black and white all-or-nothing thinking where there's no shades of grey. So you forget to pick up a machinery part and your mind tells you I'm useless, I'm hopeless, I'm incompetent. But really, it was just one forgetful moment. Um, or when we do yell at the kids when that stress builds up, and our mind labels us as I'm a bad mum, even like how we're experiencing the farm of the drought's never gonna end, or I'm broken, I'm shattered, I'm exhausted. All what we need to do is one, notice those labels. I think this can be a space where the noticing the thought exercise can be really helpful of just noticing and naming the thought. I'm having the thought that I'm useless. I'm having the thought that I can't do this anymore. Um, I'm having the thought that I'm incompetent. And also just try to soften it. So I'm someone having a bad day. That's human, that's what it is. Like just recognizing that it's bigger than what we're actually experiencing in that time. A couple of others that we often do might be over-generalization, so where we impose how we experience things in the past or the present onto the current or future situations. So I think that's really relevant at the moment because for so many of us, especially with the drought, uh, for some of us, it's bringing back a lot of memories, reinforcing those stories that we've been in drought for so long, we're never going to get out to the other side of it. Um, what if it's still like this in another year's time? Um, or even just day-to-day, over-generalizing, I never get enough work done in a day. And so, again, just shifting that perspective back to to look a little bit more broadly, maybe even like that perspective shift of remembering that okay, it's not always been in drought. Looking back at your photos of looking back at the times when you've had your ripper seasons where you've got amazing crops, and yes, you might not be getting that this year, but you can get the chance to remind yourself that does still happen as well. Another one that we are pretty good at doing, we're also pretty good at emotional reasoning. So this kind of blurs in where how our emotions influence our thoughts and thoughts influence our emotions, and vice versa. And it's where we base our view of a situation solely on how we're feeling rather than any of the other perspectives or other evidence around us as well. So if you're really exhausted, if you're frustrated with how things have been going, if the stress has built up really high, and you know you've got a difficult conversation that you need to have with your partner, that emotional reasoning might come in to kind of confirm in your mind that those feelings that the conversation with your partner are going to go wrong, and so then therefore you believe it will go wrong, but there's not necessarily any evidence to suggest that it will. Like if you zoom back and look at all the difficult conversations you've had with your partner in the past, you might see that most times you're able to talk it through. Um, so again, it's that zooming out. Another one that we do, and I think I fed into this a little bit before, is when we magnify and minimize. So we tend to magnify, so build on other people's positive attributes, so the good things about other people, particularly their strengths and the things that they're actually doing, but we minimize our own positive attributes. So, for example, it might be like the thought around, oh, my neighbor had a really successful season because they planned so well, and I had a successful season just because I got lucky, even though you actually did that planning, but your mind doesn't take that into account all of the time. So, what are a couple of things that we can do to manage these thinking traps? To check in, I think firstly we need to catch them. We need to catch ourselves when we get caught in these loops and these traps. And then once we notice these traps, we can start to kind of shift our perspective and zoom out. We can start to use some distancing strategies. So instead of our thoughts being smacked up in front of our face and taking up everything we can see in front of us, we can step back, we can zoom out a little bit. And one of the perspective shifting exercises I like to think of is the five by five rule. So, how much will this matter in five minutes, in five hours, in five days, in five weeks, in five years? So, how like just to help to kind of get yourself that that perspective, you might check in and and kind of look out what would I say to a friend who was thinking this? What would I say to my son or my daughter if they were thinking this? And bringing in a little bit of that kind, compassionate, wise mind in that situation as well. Um, because again, often we're much harsher to ourselves than we are to the people we care about as well. And then also stepping in and looking at okay, is this thought helping or hurting me right now? How helpful is this thought? How hurtful is this thought? Do I want to hold on to it or can I just loosen my grip on it a little bit? So it's not always about getting rid of these thoughts, but more just loosening how tightly we're holding on to it. So shifting into this noticing space, catching those thoughts as they come up, recognizing that these thinking traps come purely because we're human, but then noticing that they're there and then to kind of step back and do something different. So that feeds into another strategy that I really like to just pause that thinking spiral. It's called stop with a double P. So a five-step process you can use anytime, anywhere. So the first step literally is to stop. Stop, slow down, pause, interrupt that loop. Maybe come back to last week's episode. Some of those kind of practical strategies. Splash your face with ice water, feel your feet on the ground. So stop, slow down, and then take a breath. Take one deep breath. You might take a few deep breaths to create that space. And then observe, pull on that noticing hat and just observe what I am thinking, what am I feeling, what's going on for me right now? What are those thinking traps that might be showing up? What are some of those thinking loops that I'm stuck in at the moment? And then P, pull back and put in a little bit of perspective. What's another way of seeing this? What would a different perspective be on this? What would someone else say to me in this situation? Catching yourself, maybe just seeing, am I falling into a thinking trap right now? And then the last P is for proceed with what matters. Again, coming back into engaging with our actions. What do I want to do next? How do I want to show up in the world? And it might just be the smaller step you do next. It might be taking those steps to stop, take a breath, observe, pull back and proceed. And that might be enough to step out of your head for a minute and then go, oh, actually, I'm gonna sit down and play Lego with the kids, or actually, I need to get back to feeding out sheet, um, I need to get back in the shearing shed, whatever it might do, but just that one step, that pausing, stop, take a breath, observe, and then moving into kind of that perspective shift, pull back and proceed. You don't necessarily have to go through all of them, but it might just be those little reminders or that stop reminder. Okay, so wrapping up, I want you to know that our thinking traps are sneaky, they're damn annoying sometimes, but they are perfectly normal, and if anything, they're a sign that you are human. But by learning about them, and then the next step of starting to actually notice them, you've started to break that loop already. Because you don't have to believe every thought that shows up, you don't have to act on every thought that shows up right away. You can practice stopping, pausing, slowing down, noticing those thoughts that show up, and then choosing how you act next. Are you gonna get caught up on those thoughts or are you gonna step back from them from now? Again, just take one idea from this. You might have a think about your thinking traps and just set yourself the challenge of catching every time overgeneralization shows up this week. Or you might just work out catching, okay, I'm just gonna notice what some of my thinking traps are. Are or practice the perspective taking ideas. Just one idea, put it into practice, and I'd love to hear from you on how you find it, what's working for you. Okay. Thank you again for listening to From Stress to Strength. This series is proudly supported by Ski for Life, a grassroots organisation promoting mental health, well-being, and suicide prevention in rural communities across Australia. They bring people together to raise awareness, reduce stigma, and build stronger rural communities. And this podcast series wouldn't be possible without their support. So I'm incredibly grateful for that. If you found today's episode helpful, I would love you to share it with someone that you care about. Leave a review wherever you're listening to it so that others can find it as well. Connect with me on social media and let me know what you're finding most helpful. You'll find me on Facebook and Instagram at stephschmidt.farmlifec or connect with me on LinkedIn and you can find more about what I do at stephschmidt.com.au. Until next time, take care of you and make sure you fill your silo.