Riding the Wave: Tools for Tough Moments On the Farm

When the pressure builds and it feels like everything is too much, what can you actually do to get through that moment?

In this episode of From Stress to Strength, join Steph Schmidt - psychologist and farmer - as she shares practical, body-based strategies to help you ride the emotional waves of tough seasons—without getting smashed underneath them. Whether you're standing in the paddock, driving the ute, or managing chaos in the kitchen, these tools are designed to help you ground yourself and find your footing.

Drawing from her experience as a psychologist and farmer, Steph unpacks:

• Why our nervous systems go into overdrive under stress
• How to "start from the outside in" to shift overwhelming feelings
• The power of grounding through the ACE and TIPP strategies
• How small sensory anchors can make a big difference
• Why practicing now helps when the pressure hits later

You don’t need to fix everything—sometimes surviving the moment is enough.

🧠 Supported by Ski for Life, this special podcast series is here to help you care for your mental health and wellbeing, one small, real-world step at a time.

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www.stephschmidt.com.au/podcast

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Transcript

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They can help you ride the wave rather than being thrown, crushed, smashed under the water by it. And sometimes that's just what we need to get through that moment. Welcome to From Stress to Strength, a special series of the Farm Life Site podcast. I'm Steph Schmidt, a psychologist, farmer, and someone who knows just how overwhelming life on the land can get, especially in a tough season like we're in at the moment. Today's episode is for the moments when it all feels too much, when the stress piles up, the emotions hit hard, and you just need something to hold on to. I think sometimes we do know some of the bigger picture things that we can do, but in the immediate moment, sometimes we can lose touch, we can lose connection with those things that we can do that can actually help. Before we get into it, a little bit about the Stress to Strength series. I'm really grateful for the support and sponsorship from Ski for Life to bring this series to you. I think something that is so needed now, right across South Australia, but also if you're listening elsewhere in Australia, welcome and I'm glad to have you here. If you're new here, I am Steph. I am a psychologist and a farmer and a mum of three boys. I run workshops and community sessions around building our psychological flexibility, building the strategies that we all need each and every day to navigate life on the land. And I guess I'm really grateful for the sponsorship from Ski for Life to bring this series to you, really focusing on the things that we can all do right now as we navigate the season ahead. So today's episode, as I said, is really about some of the practical stuff that we can do to get through in the moment. I've drawn from a few different areas one type of therapy that's often used called dialectical behaviour therapy, which is really for when people are experiencing really intense emotions, some strategies around distress tolerance, how we manage that distress. I've got a couple of favourite books at the moment called Chatter and Shift that are both by Ethan Cross on managing the voice in our head, but also around how we shift our emotions. So I'll be drawing on some of the work from Shift as well. Next week's session, I'll be pulling into a little bit more some of the chatter and how we manage those thoughts and the stories in our mind. But today is really about those things you can do right now when you're in the paddock, when you're in the ute, when you're in the kitchen and the kids are melting down all around you, wherever you are, to help you move through intense emotions safely and steadily. Because interestingly, if we actually just let our bodies experience our emotions, experience our feelings without getting caught up in them, without almost like buying into them or getting hooked by them. Generally the research says that our feelings, like those sudden, like the I think of sometimes feelings are like the waves that pass through us, whereas a mood is like what what is sitting underneath that, but our emotions or our feelings, they they come and go pretty quickly if we let them. And the research shows that they they tend to come and go within about 90 seconds, again, if we let them. If you're anything like me, you're probably sitting there going, Yes, Steph, that's great, but my feelings last a lot longer than 90 seconds. And I'm going to hazard a guess to say that quite possibly you tend to get a bit caught up in them at times. So big feelings come, whether it's frustration, sadness, disappointment, grief, pain, um, even happiness, like our positive feelings as well. But when we get caught up in them, when we almost like fuel them, then they they do last longer. So some of these strategies I'm going to share today are really just parts that ideas that can let us find our feet that can get grounded, like often they're they're literally called grounding exercises, to just center to get yourself back into the moment. And why does this actually matter? Why do I think, why did I decide to focus on it today? Well, honestly, stress it's part of farming. We know that, and and I don't know about you, but I feel like it's not just farming at the moment, like everyone you talk to, whether it's farming or rural or in the cities, like everyone's carrying a lot of stress. There's a lot of uncertainty in the world, there's a lot of heaviness in the world, and so what happens is our nervous systems really start to get built up into that fight, flight freeze, that fear response. So as that pressure builds and those feelings of grief or fear or anger or sadness or disappointment, all that stuff, as it shows up, when those emotions are really intense, we need some practical ways just to ground ourselves, to kind of regulate our nerves, nervous system and say, hey, it's okay, I'm safe right now, and learn to almost just ride that wave, to let that wave come, let the peak of it come, and then flow down again instead of getting caught into it. So these are a couple of my go-to tools, things I used to share with clients, things I share in my workshops, but also things I use each and every day as well. I don't necessarily use all of them, and I guess that's the idea I want you to take away as well is that you don't need to put all of these into place. Just choose one or two things and practice it, try it out, and then see if it works. And if it's working, awesome, stick with it. You might then add something else on top of it, or if it's not working so well, then play around and try something else. Okay, so one of my favorite things to do, and if you've ever been at a workshop or a session with me in person, you know that I do some variation of this most often, but it's literally just to start by finding your feet. You can do this when you're sitting down, you can do it when you're standing up, you can do it in the tractor, you can do it in the supermarket aisle. I feel a little bit like a is that the VB ad when I say that. You can do this here, you can do it there, you can do it anywhere. But anyway, I digress. All I want you to do is just find your feet on the ground and just bring your attention into your feet. Notice your toes gently pressing into the ground, noticing the balls of your feet pressing into the ground, the heels of your feet, actually, just really emphasizing almost pushing down harder, feeling that gravity, noticing that pressure, feeling the connection. And just sit in that, just you're not trying to change or get rid of anything or fix anything. All you're doing is bringing your awareness to your feet. And often our stress and big emotions they pull us up into our heads, our breathing gets quicker, and so our feet are a tool just to bring us back, to connect us into the ground. You can take it a step further, take your shoes off and actually feel your feet down on the grass, on the soil, the carpet if you're inside. So I invite you to do that right now before we continue. Just feel your feet, and as you do that, notice what you notice.

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Okay.

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So we feel our feet. What happens when the stress is out that is still there? Um, sometimes we think that we can think our way out of our feelings, um, that we can problem solve, but sometimes we get into heightened emotional distressing states and and our thinking mind goes offline. It really doesn't work so well. And so in the book Shift, psychologist Ethan Cross says, When you can't shift your mind, start from the outside in. So when our thoughts are spiraling or those painful, challenging feelings are spiraling out of control, and we're really hooked when we can't step out of it. That might not be a time to try and fix them right away, but it's a time when we can start to shift our emotional state, shift how we're going in that moment right now by changing our physical experience. So, one of the things I love to do with this is listening to music. And in the book, Ethan actually suggests to have a couple of playlists that you know are gonna help you to shift your mood. So you might have really an upbeat one, you might have those sad songs that you know are gonna cue off a big old cry, which then helps you move through that feeling. But we don't often set up that playlist, and you might only have three or four songs on there, but just have that playlist there, so all you need to do is hit the button and go. We also can just really reach into our physical sensations around us, so even if you're not listening to music, you might just tune into your senses of what you can hear around you. You might tune into what you can feel, the the feeling of the jumper on your skin, um, the watch on your hands, the wind on your face if you're outside, the sense the smells that are going on, and I think when we're outside farming, actually doing the farming, maybe not if you're inside doing the bookworks, but there's a lot of sensory stuff when you're out with your your feet on the ground. So sometimes just engaging in those senses. You can do like the the 54321 exercise, which is literally going, okay, what are five things I can see around me right now? What are four things I can feel on my body right now? What are three things I can smell or hear? No, three things I can hear, two things I can smell, and one thing I can taste. And look, those numbers are arbitrary, like you don't have to have them exactly, but it I guess it gives you a foundation, it gives you a framework to go on. And you can do this with someone else if they're in distress as well. Um, when your kids having a hard time, or your partner, you can go, right? Let's just try this out. I want to help you with an activity that's just going to help you get back to this moment. Um, or like with kids, you might not even explain that much to them. You might just say, Look, how many blue things can you see around you right now? How many fence posts can you count as we're driving along? Um, so just those really practical ways. And by doing that, your attention kind of gets shifted away, I guess, from really focused in on those distressing emotions, that that distress that's that's building up, building up, and you just shift that attention into what's going on in the world around you, and after you shift into that, then you can take the next step from there. Okay, so we can that's the idea. When you can't shift your mind, start from the outside in, engaging your senses to help you manage distressing times. Another strategy, we love acronyms as psychologists. I don't love them a whole lot because I tend to forget them, um, but I've got them written down in front of me so I can remember them to share. So these are called TIP skills, T-I-P-P, which are really fast, immediate, in-the-moment strategies that you can use in those intense moments, and they're absolute gold for when your emotions are feeling overwhelming, for when when that distress is like up so sky high that you cannot think your way through, that someone coming alongside you and trying to talk you out of it, it's not working. Um, so T I P P T is for temperature. So go icy cold, splash cold water on your face, or grab some ice out of the freezer and and crunch on it, or hold it in your hands. Even if you're really, really distressed, jumping in and and having a shower, um, a cool shower, it just activates a calming reflex and it's almost a bit of like a startle response of getting you out of that really intense moment. Having a glass of cold water kind of does it a little bit, um, but I guess if we think of a tiered response of like a cold, a cold glass of water or a drink of water might help with like a if our emotional response is on a zero to ten um and we're in like a a two to three, then yep, a glass of cold water might help there. But if you're up around a like a eight, nine, ten, those emotions are really, really high, and you can't work out, you can't think your way out of that. Getting that cold water splashed into your face, holding some ice in your hands, um, it's like a circuit breaker to click yourself out of that intense emotion. The eye is for intense exercise, so doing something physical for like 30 to 60 seconds, jogging on the spot, um, do some star jumps, even like going out and doing a getting a load of firewood in, lifting something heavy, bringing your spray pots on and off of the ute, chopping wood. Again, it's using up that stress response energy that that builds up in our body, it's using up some of that cortisol and adrenaline that starts running through. But also, it's like that circuit breaker again. So you're not telling yourself that you need to go and do a 20-minute workout, but you're just doing something really intensive, even like burpees or something. Chase your kids around, just challenge yourself, and again, like I said, with all of these things, try it, test it, see what happens. Okay, so tip temperature, ice cold, eye, intense exercise, just briefly. P is for paced breathing. So this is about doing intentional breathing. So there's a few different ways we can do this. One really simple one is just counting four as you breathe in and six as you breathe out because the exhale, like breathing out, is the most important one for calming our nervous system for kind of the exhale puts the brakes on. Um, you could probably like play around with this yourself, just even like do a quick in-breath or a slow out breath, and just notice what happens as you do that. Um, and even just try this out now, like a paced breathing. Inhale one, two, three, four, and then exhale for six, one, two, three, four, five, six. You can also do box breathing where you imagine either a square or a rectangle and kind of imagine yourself tracing around that box as you breathe. So you might kind of inhale again, inhale for four, one, two, three, four, hold it for two, one, two, exhale for four, one, two, three, four. Actually, box breathing is usually inhale for four, hold it for four, exhale for four, hold it for four. Let's try that. So inhale for four, one, two, three, four, hold for four, one, two, three, four. Exhale for four, two, three, four, hold for four, two, three, four. And as you practice this, you might actually notice yourself feeling a little bit out of breath to try it. Um, but again, with breathing exercises, try them when you're not stressed to the max to start off with, and then try them in those kind of intense emotion sides. Maybe have the little reminder for it. Um, kind of yeah, try these out when you're not really distressed, and then you can um pull in and remember, okay, this helped or this didn't help, that idea. Okay, so we've got T for temperature, I for intense exercise, P for paced breathing, and the last P is for paired muscle relaxation. So muscle relaxation exercises are a really great way for they kind of activate tension in our body and then release, and it creates that sense of physical and emotion release in the moment. So you can do it just with your individual muscle group, so clenching your fists, hold it for five seconds, and then release and breathe out. You can do it your whole body, like when I used to do this with kids, I've described like you want to hold your whole body really rigid, like a piece of raw spaghetti. Hold that really, really tight and hold it for five, two, three, four, five, and then release and breathe out, and then you want to be like a piece of limp, wobbly cooked spaghetti. You can do it your whole body, or you can also do by each muscle group. So this is an exercise, this is kind of a side point, but I find it great when I'm having time struggling to go to sleep, is doing a progressive muscle relaxation. So I start with my feet and you clench and hold and then relax, and then go to my legs and clench and hold and relax, and just wait, make my way up through my body to my belly, to my arms, to my chest, um, hands, then you like even clench your face fully and do that, and then after you've worked through the whole body, then do a full body, kind of hold it really tight for five seconds and then release it. Um, and yeah, they it just creates that physical, you're actually creating that tension, but then the act of releasing it as well. So, as I said, try out these tip skills: temperature, intense exercise, paced breathing, paired muscle relaxation. Try them out and then set yourself the reminder to actually practice them in the moment as well because they are really beneficial, quick and powerful circuit breakers. Okay, and one last little acronym that I really love, I guess pulls this all together, is the ACE acronym and anchoring practice. Again, it's just about anchoring, grounding ourselves into the moment when life is feeling really overwhelming. So the A is for acknowledge what you're feeling. We don't have to like what's showing up, it's just naming it. I'm feeling overwhelmed, I'm feeling anxious, this is frustration, here is anger showing up. Just notice it and name it, and then center on your body. All of those things we've done, feel your feet. You might roll your shoulders, kind of pull yourself into your body, focusing your breathing in your belly, just center on your body. You might um hold your hands and really press your hands in together, um, squish your face up and focus on those sensations in your face. So C for center on your body, and then E is engage in what matters. So that might be just engaging in the next thing that you're doing right now, which might be doing the dishes, it might be getting out and drafting the sheep, it might be a really small thing, it might be just having a cup of tea, remembering to get down and pat the dog, or go to the next task in the bookwork that you read that you're working on. So this isn't necessarily about engaging in huge self-care activities, but just that reminder to engage in what you're doing next. Sometimes that engaging what matters or engaging in the activity next might then open up space to go, oh actually, I really need to connect with someone. I need to give my partner a ring or I need to ring a friend to chat about what's going on. But we need that space to pause, notice what's going on, center on our in our bodies, and then gently and on purpose continue what we're doing. One last little reminder that I wanted to, I guess, bring in to these couple of ideas. So we've got feeling your feet on the ground, we've got starting from the outside in, we've got tip, temperature, intense exercise, paced breathing, and this is why I don't like acronyms, prepared muscle relaxation. We've got ACE, acknowledge, center on your body, engage in what matters. The more we practice these in our everyday activities, in our everyday emotions of life that we're going through, the more likely we are to actually put them into practice in distressing times, the more likely we are to remember to go and splash our face with cold water rather than just picking up our phone because that's what we usually do to distract ourselves from challenging emotions. So I wanted to highlight that these tools only actually help if we remember to use them. And the best way to remember them is to build them into something that you already do. So, for example, you might choose like an everyday object, a stone, um, the bolts that we always find down the bottom of the washing machine, or a coin. Put it in your pocket, and every time you feel it, go, oh, that's a reminder to practice my breathing, or that's a reminder to practice my feet on the ground. Or use moments through the day. So when you get in the Ute to head off to work for the day. Or as the kids hop out of the car and you say see you later as they head off to school or the school bus, use that as a reminder, okay, feel my feet on the ground right now. Um, just find those things that you're doing every day, and then add one of these ideas so that they become little anchoring points, little grounding points through the day, because then again, they help when we remember to use them. So you use them as little pauses, little grounding exercises, and then in those more distressing times, you're actually going to remember to use them as well. Okay, so as we wrap up for today, you don't need to try all of these things, maybe just try one or two of these ideas. And I think what I really want to highlight is that it is okay if things are not okay right now. I'm recording this at the end of June. By the time it goes to air, it's gonna be kind of mid-July. And look, I honestly hope that we have had plenty of rain right across the state, and things have really started to turn around. Whether they have or not, what I need you to do, what you need to do, is to take just one step to take care of yourself. These tools won't change the weather. I know someone said about some of the workshops and mental health issues going around that they don't feed the sheep. And that's right, they don't. They don't make the load disappear. But they can help you ride the wave rather than being thrown, crashed, smashed under the water by it. And sometimes that's just what we need to get through that moment. Thanks for listening to From Stress to Strength, a special podcast series proudly supported by Ski for Life. Ski for Life is a grassroots organization dedicated to promoting mental health, well-being, and suicide prevention in rural communities. Each year they bring people together on water and on land to raise awareness, reduce stigma, and spark the conversations that matter. This podcast series wouldn't be possible without their support and the efforts of incredible rural communities, including my own in Borough, who fundraise and take part in Ski for Life events every year. Thank you. If you found today's episode helpful, please consider sharing it with someone in your life who might need it, leaving a review to help others discover the show, and connect with me on social media. I'm on Instagram and Facebook at stefschmidt.farmlife psych or on LinkedIn as well. And you can find links and more show notes at stephschmidt.com.au. Finally, if you are feeling the weight of it all, please remember just do one thing today that gets you through. This too shall pass, this too will change, you are not alone. So until next time, take care and make sure you feel your silent.