Farm Life Psych with Steph Schmidt

Three Anchors for Tough Times

• Steph Schmidt • Episode 29

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Are you feeling like it’s all just a bit too much right now, and you don’t get to press pause?

I’m back behind the mic, and if I’m honest, I almost didn’t record this one. Things have felt heavy. A lot like what so many of us are carrying right now on the land. Between the chaos in the world, rising costs, pressure on the farm, and just the everyday juggle, it can feel like there’s no space to catch your breath.

In this episode, I share why I’ve come back to basics, not because it’s new, but because it’s what helps when everything feels stretched.

I walk you through three simple anchors I keep coming back to on our own farm when things feel overwhelming.

The AND, holding space for both the hard and the good.

SOW, a way to slow things down and come back to what matters.

And the reminder that if we don’t take small moments to look after ourselves, our mind and body will eventually force us to. These aren’t big, life-changing overhauls. They’re small, steady tools that help you keep showing up when life doesn’t ease off.

If you’re feeling tired, stretched, or like your resilience muscle is just about done, this episode will meet you there with practical ways to get through the season you’re in.

What’s one small thing helping you get through right now? Come and share it with me over on Instagram @stephschmidt.farmlifepsych   


What we cover in this episode

  • Returning to the podcast during a full and overwhelming season
  • Reflections from the Motherland Conference
  • The current pressure across agriculture including fuel and fertiliser impacts
  • The idea that resilience can feel worn out, not weak
  • Why now is a time for reminders, not new strategies
  • The importance of small moments of self-care before burnout forces it
  • Anchor 1: The AND and holding dual realities
  • Real-life example of a tough farm moment with the kids
  • Anchor 2: SOW – Slow down, Observe, What matters
  • Using SOW in relationships and daily decisions
  • Recognising what matters most in the moment

References mentioned in this episode


Connect with Steph

The Farm Life Psych podcast shares general information and personal reflections to support wellbeing — it isn't therapy, counselling, or personal advice, and it's not a substitute for support from a qualified professional. If something's sitting heavily with you, please reach out to your GP, a psychologist, or a trusted support service. If you're in crisis or need to talk to someone now, contact Lifeline on 13 11 14. You're not alone, and reaching out is a strength.

SPEAKER_00

Right now we are in the midst of a global fuel crisis. What that looks like is the fuel shortages were back in like the toilet paper circus of COVID era, but it's impacting fuel, it's impacting fertilizer, it's impacting cropping. And really couldn't have come at a worse time. You're listening to Farm Life Side with Steph Schmidt. I'm your host, Steph, a psychologist, farmer, farm wife, mum of three, and founder of Farm Life Side. This podcast is for people in agriculture, navigating the challenges and joys of life on the land, where I share practical, evidence-based tools to strengthen your well-being, navigate stress, and manage our relationships. Follow so you don't miss an episode. And just a reminder, the information shared here is general in nature and not a substitute for individual professional advice. Let's get into today. Okay, so we are here with another season of Farm Life Psych with Steph Schmidt. I was going to push back recording this again. I'm working with a podcast manager for this season, and my due date for this is the uh 16th or 18th of March to get this one in so she can get it sorted and out to you guys by the beginning of April, ready for school holidays. And the last couple of weeks have been a lot. I really hope that everything has settled when this goes to air, but the reality is I don't think it will have. So I have decided to jump on and record. Get in there, get the shoes back on, get back on the bike, whatever the saying is. I've just got back from a weekend at the Motherland conference, and it was fabulous, but it was full and emotionally overwhelming for many, many women because I think so many rural women and men across Australia are just carrying a huge amount right now. Me included. So I was gonna, as I said, I was going to kind of push pause, push the episode back, and then I went, you know what? I'm just gonna jump on and record it. So here we are. And I haven't quite kind of locked in what I'm going to be going over in this season. We've got eight episodes locked in. They're going to be fortnightly episodes, hopefully, if I can stay on track. And initially I was planning on really diving deeper into some of the tough topics that I think we need to talk about when it comes to rural mental health. And then, I don't know, the world started to go even more chaotic around us. And I find myself just needing to take us back to basics. I feel like, yes, this is some stuff I've spoken about over the last few years, but the reality is the stresses aren't going anywhere. Right now, we are in the midst of a, well, global fuel crisis. And not to mention, I guess, I don't know, I can't help but try and remember that behind what's impacting us is also the impact on millions and millions of people actually in the Middle East where all of it's unfolding. We're just getting the ongoing repercussions. But for us here on the ground, what that looks like is that yeah, the the fuel shortages were back in like the toilet paper sagas of COVID era, but it's back impacting fuel, it's impacting fertilizer, it's impacting cropping, and really couldn't have come at a worse time almost as everywhere across Australia prepares to put in our winter crops. And also, like for so much of southern Australia, we've actually got some reasonable rain, which is kicking us off as well. When I was up at Mobile Land Conference, it was middle of March, and so many women had also had to navigate flywaters, so like there is just seriously one thing after the next. And one of the speakers at the conference was Anna Mears, absolutely wonderful, gorgeous human being, done incredible things. And oh look, I could do a whole episode in how elite athletes, I think there's a lot of similarities between elite athletes and farming and agriculture, but that's an episode for another day, perhaps. But she shared this quote from Julia Gillard, I think, originally, of where resilience is like a muscle, you have to keep on building it and strengthening it. And I think where this falls down for so many of us is that we do have really strong resilience muscles, but right now they are they are fucking tired. And it just feels that since, say like 2018, basically, so eight years on, there's been just one thing after the next, and really hard to catch a break. And I think that ongoing uncertainty, the added financial impact that the fuel and fertilizer and all of that has thrown on top, like just for us, where I don't know, is it gonna be $80,000 more to put the crop in? It's gonna be a lot. So that load builds on each of us as individuals, it builds on our families, it builds on our businesses. And I know it's not just happening on our farm. There's no one in isolation that's not impacted on this. And I think the problem, it's a bit like COVID again. The problem with this is that when it's impacting everyone everywhere, we also then get this like emotional contagion going on where everyone's talking about it, social media's amplifying it, our fear, our worry, it really builds and builds and builds. So, what I wanted to just share today is a couple of reminders. I know if you've listened to the podcast episode before, if you've seen me talk, none of this stuff will be new. But maybe right now isn't the time for new. Maybe right now is the time for reminding ourselves of those things that we already know that can really help during tough times. Because even though we're burnt out or exhausted or fatigued, we don't get a pause button. We don't get to just put everything on hold to get back to reality or give ourselves a huge rest that we need. But I think what I have taken away from the conference over the last couple of days is if we do not take that time to look after ourselves in whichever way, shape, or form that may look. And it might only be three minutes a day. But if we don't do something, our body, our mind will force us to eventually. And it might not force us to this week, it might not force us to this month, it might get us through seeding, it might get us through this year, but it will force us to eventually. So a couple of weeks ago, or last week maybe, I shared a just a quick post on Instagram and it really resonated across Instagram and Facebook. So that's what I'm drawing on tonight, is the three anchors we can fall back on when things feel overwhelming. Those three tools that you can use, the three things that I find are resonating most in the workshops that I'm doing everywhere at the moment as well. And hopefully, even if you just take one of those reminders for today, it helps strike a chord and it helps to just get you through navigating everything right now. So the first one, surprise, surprise, is find the end. I can't let go of this idea. It gets me through. And every time I do a presentation or speak, it is the one that resonates the most with people. It is that recognizing that that farming life, that life as it is in general, is never just one thing, and more than one thing can be true at once. We can feel exhausted and possibly hold on to a glimmer of hope. We can feel worried and feel connected, or we can feel stressed and also proud of what we're building and keeping on working on. The night or two, I think, before I went to the conference, uh, my husband was down at our other property, the boys and I are at home, everyone was tired, we've been back and forth doing all the things. It's week seven or so as well of term. Hopefully, this is coming to you in the school holidays. But everyone was done. I wanted us to attempt to have an early night, or so I could actually get packed and ready to go. And then when we went and cleaned the troughs in the feedlot, there was no water running back in, and we couldn't exactly leave the hundred or so sheep in the feedlot without water. And my 11-year-old has done a fair bit of pipe fixing with his dad, so he was basically in charge. And so there we were, eight o'clock at night, working through, trying to find where the pipe was blocked, finding more new pipe to lay down, cutting, sawing, fixing, mending. And it was just a total and moment again. Because the kids were tired, they were alternating between working well together and fighting and niggling at each other. I was tired, and there was a gorgeous sunset, and it was just that right temperature, probably 27 degrees, my favorite temperature. And I was like so immensely proud of the boys and what they can actually do when they put their minds to it. Small moments, but holding on to that end and giving myself that reminder to get out of my head and expand into what else was there in that present moment really, I guess, just helped get through one step at a time. It's not a magical cure that makes everything easier or makes everything, the struggle, just magically disappear. But maybe it does just make it a little bit easier, just for those few moments. The second anchor is something I call sew, and it's an acronym I often refer to when people kind of ask, what can we do to support each other? What can we do to lean in in our relationships? But I think it's a helpful reminder when we need to sow those seeds to connect with ourselves or to connect with our partners to check in. So it's just a reminder. Just slow down. You might take a few breaths, just slow down. Observe, notice what's going on right now. You might notice physically what's happening in your body. You might notice what's around you. Notice what's happening in the person you're with, observe what's happening for them right now. And just think about what matters. What matters right now? What's most important? Is it taking some time just to sit and play a board game with your kids to get that connection back in? Is it coming home from a conference and being tired, but knowing that if you can get the dishes done and the house cleaned up a little bit before school starts tomorrow, things will get off to a better start. And sometimes in the heat of the moment we can't make the decisions we need to make when we're just rushing and running from one thing to the next. We're not trying to change everything, just making the next moment a little bit smoother, a little bit easier. So slow down, observe what's happening. Just put on that kind of scientist hat, that notice a hat. What's actually happening right now? At the conference as well, the beautiful Gina Chick spoke, and she spoke about the capital R reality, the reality that we're all in day to day, with its challenges, with its immense tough times, but also that capital R reality, not the reality that our mind is creating around us, but what actually is right now. I think that practice of just observing what's going on helps us bring us and anchor ourselves into that capital R reality. And then remembering what matters right now. What is the smallest thing I can do to connect in with my values? Or what's the smallest thing I could do to show up as the person I want to be? And then coming back, you've probably heard it from me just a few times, but the third anchor is to fill your silo. When our silos are empty, whether physically, emotionally, mentally, everything feels harder. We cannot sow what we haven't got. And if you're new and you haven't heard the metaphor before, basically every year at harvest, we rape our crops, we sell as much as we can, but we always keep our seed weight. We fill our silos, right? But we don't do the same for ourselves. We let our silos run unempty. And look, to be honest, there will be seasons where our silos run lower than others. Sometimes there's times like after being at a conference where your silo feels in a funny way, kind of both filled and emptied at the same time. But firstly, that step of noticing, checking in on your capacity. How full is my silo right now? How empty is my silo? Because when we know what our capacity is, then we can one, give ourselves a little bit of grace. We can two set some realistic expectations of what we can or can't do. And then three, we can choose one small thing we can do right now to top up our siloing. And these might be finding the smallest things possible. It might be simply going outside for five minutes and standing with your feet on the ground. It might be taking some focused breaths. I often talk about using the hand, so tracing around the hand as you breathe in or out. It might be connecting with somebody. Those social connections are so vital. And you don't always have to talk about the toughest parts that are going on. You might share something fun that went on. Another thing that came from the conference was the beautiful Jenmuir from Connected Parenting giving us some wonderful strategies around parenting. But the game High Low Buffalo, which she plays with her kids, and I'm just talking about the high in your days, the low in your days, and something interesting that you want everyone to know. But when we connect, whether it's with our friends, our families, colleagues at work, I think especially when really tough stuff's going on, that's what we're drawn to talk about all the time. And that's okay. But just watch that you're not getting pulled into that like emotional whirlpool where we're all like kind of keeping on catastrophizing, like almost co-ruminating, like a cow chewing the cud with ruminator on it together. So you might just talk about something completely different. Connect, even connect without talking. Put a movie on with your partner or your kids if you can get home a little bit earlier. Put music on, have a dance party, my good old favourite. Or even just get a hot cup of tea. This is another one, aside from connecting, have a hot cup of tea and just sit and actually let that warmth from the cup just kind of sit and nurture and settle you. Sometimes I think the other reminder is that yes, we can fill our silos by doing something more, but sometimes it might actually be about allowing yourself to do less. If you check in on your capacity and your silos actually sitting really low, what can you do or what can you not do this week? What can you drop off the to-do list? What can you allocate to someone else? What can you ask the kids to give you a hand with? Or what can you just say, actually, no, not this week, I can't do that. So that is my three key anchors to find the end to sow, whether it's sowing the seeds of connection, sowing that seed of connection back to yourself, and to feel your silo. Check in on your silo. Because if your resilience muscles right now are tired, fatigued, feeling like they are barely holding anything, you're not the only one. You are not alone. And above all, with all of this, if your resilience muscles are feeling so tired that the thought of any of those steps even feels too much, please reach out to more support. Link in with a GP. Contact one of the phone line services like Lifeline, find a psychologist. I'll put as well with this the roadmap of support link that suggests some pathways that you can take when you do need more support. And I think what I'm thinking about for a future episode is talking through a little bit more of where some of those supports are and how we can find them because they do vary and differ state to state. And something that came up a lot and often comes up in conversations is that there are services out there, but people just don't always know about them. I have a feeling I did do an episode about this, possibly about this time last year. I'll have a look and see. But also things change, like regional access, which I used to refer people across to all the time, has been defunded. So things that were there previously aren't always there, and then other services pop up as well. So anyway, that's me sidetracking. Just take this reminder to check in with yourself, acknowledge where you are. Things are so heavy across the world right now. And I honestly, in a way, feel like I've been saying that for five years, but that's the reality that we are in. And what we need to do is take that gentle responsibility and ownership of what we can do, what each of us can do. Again, if you feel like you can't keep holding and keep on treading water, if your resilience muscles are saying, I'm done, you are not alone, please reach out for support, your GP lifeline, or put some resources in the show notes. And please, as well, what I'm going to bring back this season is the Ask Steph segments. Sometimes it might end up being a full episode, who knows? Really around checking in on, yeah, send me one of the curly questions that's getting to you. Send me something that you think would be great to talk about on the podcast. If you want me to go deeper, please let me know. But for now, I'm about at the 20-minute mark, which is what I want to keep these episodes at. So take care of you. Please don't forget to fill your silo. And I will see you next time. Thank you so much for listening and for taking just a few moments to care about your well being today. If you'd like more practical tools or any information on upcoming workshops and events, check out stechschmidt.com.au or connect quickly on socials at stefschmidt.farmlifesite. I look forward to joining you next time on our next episode of Farm LifeSite with Staff Schmidt.