Episode 7: Delusional Confidence Will Get You Far (a.k.a. Fake It Till You Make It)

 In this episode, we’re talking about the kind of confidence that doesn’t wait for permission, proof, or perfect timing, delusional confidence. The kind that has you showing up before you feel ready, building before everything is figured out, and acting like the version of you who already made it. 

We break down what “fake it till you make it” actually means when you strip away the cringe and get honest about growth, identity, and self-belief. Because it’s not about being fake, it’s about leading yourself into a new level of confidence before your circumstances catch up. 

We also get real about where this mindset shows up in relationships, boundaries, and the standards we accept when we don’t fully trust ourselves yet. 

If you’ve ever felt like you’re “not there yet” but still deep down know you’re meant for more, this one will hit. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

I do not have a polished story to tell you. Just pieces of things that I've lived through and learned the hard way. About people, about love, and about myself. I think I've spent a lot of time trying to make life look like it made sense. Like everything was supposed to be figured out by now. But the truth is, I'm still in it. Still learning, still unlearning, still trying to understand myself in real time. So this is me, in it. Not after it, not past it, right in the middle of it. And if you're here too, you're not alone. Welcome to No Shame, No Filter. This is take two because I totally just recorded 22 minutes of this episode, just going on my rants and everything and telling you guys my thoughts. And um, I went to go download it realizing that nothing was playing. Like what? 22 minutes recorded. Where is it? Where am I talking? Nowhere. You know why? My lovely little children were playing with the microphone and turned my mic all the way down. And so yeah, I just did nothing, basically. But that's okay. You know why? Because there's probably a reason. Maybe I didn't touch on something when I just tried to record it that I'm gonna touch on now. Maybe I'm going to say something that someone needs to hear. And I can have the perspective of throwing a freaking pity party and be like, oh my gosh, it sucks. I gotta record it again and I have to do it again. And how inconvenient. Because I'm gonna just do another 20 minutes of my time again, and I wasted my time. Or I can look at it and have the perspective of like, that's cool. Well, maybe I didn't get to say something I should be saying that someone who's gonna drop in and listen to this episode needs to hear, and that's why I'm doing this. That's why I'm doing this podcast because my thoughts are all over the place all the time. And I am someone who thinks very deeply, who feels very deeply, who loves very deeply, and um I just need to put it out there. I need to get my own thoughts out of my head, and hopefully you guys can benefit. So I want to talk about something today that sounds a little unhinged, but honestly, might be the reason that some people in life get everything they want. At least that's how I think how I look at it, how I think it happens, and how I've learned through experience that it does in fact work because I've walked through some of the darkest times of my life and moments where I thought I was broken, moments where I thought just absolutely shattered me, and I was thick in the grieving of everything, and I got to go come out, I got to come out the other side of it as a new woman and just actually to accomplishing what I'm setting out to do. I just know that I told someone who also has a podcast, I'm like, yeah, like that's so cool. I would love to do that one day. And they're like, oh my gosh, just do it. And I'm like, it's not that easy, and they're like, Yes, it is. And so what did I do? Told myself I could, told myself to show up as if, and it'll all happen, it'll all play out, and you know, it's literally moving like the version of you that has already made it. And the truth is, most people are waiting. Most people get stuck in the waiting part of everything in life, and it's like, you know, they're waiting to feel ready for something, they're waiting to feel qualified, they're waiting for the validation to make the next move. Meanwhile, the delusional ones, the lucky ones, are already 10 steps ahead. Not because they're better, but because they didn't hesitate, you know, and we don't need someone to come up to us and say, like, yeah, go go do it. Go, you go do the damn thing. Like, no, we can tell ourselves that we are capable, we can have the delusional confidence and show up as if and get at it. Because I want to talk about the phrase that honestly everyone loves to hate. And I used to hate it until I used it to my benefit and to my advantage to help me out of some really, really dark places. And that is the fake it till you make it. Because people hear that and they think it means being fake or not showing up authentically or pretending to be somebody that you're not. And while I will acknowledge, yes, some people can use that statement just like that. Um, but that's not how I used it to my advantage. It's I didn't use it as a way of lying or lying to myself or to others about who I was. It's about leading yourself. I use it to lead myself out of the dark phase that the thick of the grief, the thick of the heartbreak. I use it to lead myself to a place where I was actually okay. Because I did not feel okay. And it's acting like the version of you that already has the confidence, already has the discipline, already has the freaking standards, even if internally we're still trying to catch up. Because I look back um at last year, and I was a just heartbroken, shattered, messy disaster, and that sounds a little aggressive to say about myself, but um yeah, I I just I was. I was, and I didn't see the light at the end of the tunnel, I did not see my life getting better, I didn't know how I could continue on, I didn't know how I could continuously show up for life how I was like in the state that I was in. Because being a mom when I was going through the grief and the heartbreak and all of that was probably the hardest thing I've had to do because I don't have the ability to just sit in it, right? It hit it just would hit me, it would hit me while someone is yelling, mommy, mommy, mommy, I need this, I need that, mommy, mommy. And with tears streaming down my face, with my thoughts running a thousand miles a minute, I still had to show up. And the transition didn't happen. The the tra like I had to hit a point where I'm like, oh my gosh, okay, like enough is enough. I don't want to feel like this for the rest of my life because I thought I was going to, I thought that it was the end of everything. I was in the thick of grief, and I didn't think I would be okay. But then at some point, like a light switch, and honestly, I say like a light switch because you know you think of a light switch and she just goes on and it stays on. But like me, I was like on, off, on, off, on, off, because it would hit me and I would build up the confidence, a delusional confidence, to just like be okay for a little bit and then I would retreat back and I would not be okay, and I would come back, I would show up, and I would go back. And it was like this repetitive like cycle, right? Because I was going through what I needed to go through. I was feeling what I needed to feel, and that's what happens, right? When you're going through something very challenging in life, when life is really lifey, and you have these big emotions, these big feelings towards whatever the whatever it is, whatever the situation is, to go through it, to get to the other side, you have to walk through it. And that's not um the delusion on confidence is not about ignoring these things, it's not about ignoring your emotions and you know pushing them to the side and just acting like they're not there because you still have to feel them. But while you're feeling them, it's still holding the belief that I can still show up and I can be okay. I can freaking be okay, right? I can go outside with the kids and run around and laugh. Okay, I can still show up for my business confidently, even though I feel like I'm drowning. I can still go and you know, just show up as if. Like really, that's show up as the woman or as a person that you want to be in the future, and eventually inside, the insides will catch up to that. And you know, it's it's really truly acting as the version of you that you want to be, and while still managing and navigating all the motion emotions that you have with whatever life is throwing at you. Because here's the thing when life throws like things at us, whether good, bad, or indifferent, it's opportunity. That's how I look at it. It's an opportunity to either grow, break a cycle, take a self, take a hard look at yourself if you're navigating something and like your, I'm gonna just use the word your character defects are flaring, and it's just opportunity. That's what life is. It's multiple, we're granted multiple opportunities to grow and evolve or stay the same, and we get to choose what we do with that, right? And so your actions following that will teach your brain what to believe. So if you're constantly like, I don't know what I'm doing, or I'm not good enough, or I shouldn't be here, your life will reflect just that. That's exactly what your life will be. Because if you start moving and acting like I'll figure it out, or I belong in these rooms, or my favorite, because my uh internal dialogue used to be when something heavy hits or life is really lifey, would be I can't do this. I can't. Nope, can't do it. But then when I use those words, my what I'm doing is I'm just staying stuck, and we don't grow when we're stuck. We don't, and so internally I have to start saying and using the words, I can handle this, I can do hard shit, and eventually you do. That's the make it part. And here's my favorite part of this episode because it doesn't just apply to business or generalized life, this shows up in relationships too, because the difference between someone who tolerates bare minimum and someone who expects consistency, effort, and respect is confidence. Guys, I'm learning this. This is I am in the thick of learning this for myself, and um whew, yeah, it's been a lot, it's been heavy, and not even always like earned confidence, sometimes it's just decided confidence, and I'm gonna be really honest because again, like this podcast, I'm here to share raw and authentically and show up just as that because the decided confidence aspect is sometimes really hard, right? It's hard to not it's okay, so what I'm experiencing is go through some icky things, then we then I have the decided confidence, and I'll use the decided confidence. I'll give you some examples, right? I don't chase, I attract, or I don't beg for clarity, I walk away from confusion. I don't stay where I'm not chosen, and so I can feel the have be feeling the icky things, show up and have the decided confidence that absolutely not, I will not tolerate this. My standards are higher. And then I'm human, and then I fall back, and then I go back, and then I'm like, I fall back, I'm like, uh, okay, like this does not feel right. This is not what I want, right? And then I go forward back to decided confidence, and the reason it is so hard, and it's that back and forth and back and forth, is because emotionally we want to stay. Just but I'm learning and accepting, practicing acceptance in all things, um, is that because just because we emotionally want to stay somewhere doesn't mean we should. And you know, that is something that an action has to follow through with a thought, and eventually internally, that will catch up, right? So my th for example, my thought would be um, I don't stay where I'm not chosen. So the action would then be to walk away. Emotionally, I don't want to walk away, but I'm gonna choose the action instead. I'm going to walk away. As I walk away and as I stay away, eventually inside will catch up and be like, that's exactly what you are supposed to do. Because nine times out of ten, the things that we're supposed to are meant to do doesn't feel great sometimes. And that's really hard because I like easy things, and that's but that's not where the growth is formed. That's not where growth happens. It growth happens in the hard things and the things we don't want to do, but we do anyways, because we feel internally that it's something we should do for ourselves, not for anybody else, but for ourselves, and that's where faking it actually matters the most because you're not faking for other people, you're faking for yourself until your own standards become real, and it's hard. And let's be honest, because not all delusion is helpful, there's a difference between I know I can build something great, I just need time to grow into it, and also I'm ignoring reality and avoiding growth. Because delusional confidence, like I just said, still requires action. You can't just believe you're successful, you have to move like it, you have to show up consistency consistently, you have to learn as you go. You don't, again, you don't have to have it all figured out in the beginning, but you can do something and learn as you go. You have to take accountability, and honestly, most people don't want to take accountability nowadays for their actions, for their words that are said, or for anything. And we need to take accountability, and also you have to adjust when needed, and like when I say adjust when needed, what worked for me last year might not work for me in the present day. How I navigated a situation might not help me now. So I have to look at that and adjust the things that need to be adjusted because there is absolutely a line between delusion and self-sabotage. The delusion is the belief and the discipline is what makes it real. And here's why the mindset it's why this mindset actually works. Because most people and myself operate from a state of fear. I have a fear of being judged, a fear of failing, or a fear of looking stupid, a fear of um not being chosen, a fear of being vulnerable, a fear of being overlooked, or a fear of not being loved. I have a I have a lot of fears, right? And some are louder than others. And when we show up, even with just a little bit of delusion, a little bit of delusional confidence, we stand out, right? People will feel it, they'll see it. Opportunities open. People are then put in our life. We allow, listen, when we stop operating from a state of fear, we allow beautiful things to happen. We allow people to come that are meant to be in our life to come into our life and to to just build on that, you know? Like we allow beautiful things to happen and unfolds when we let go of the fears. And letting go of fears, okay, doesn't always mean that like because I let go of this fear that something absolutely phenomenal is going to happen. Something phenomenal can happen, and it can also still come with lessons attached to it, and it's acceptance of okay, I'm going to let go of this fear in hopes that something phenomenal happens. And whatever comes with it, the trials and tribulations, whatever comes with this beautiful thing, I will accept and I will show up and suit up. Because over time, what started as fake it till you make it becomes I actually did that, and I experienced that firsthand. Like I look back in hindsight of moments where I my heart breaks for the that version of me, you know. Um, I could just close my eyes and see myself back that a year ago, and I still have a long ways to go. I'm forever growing. I mean, that's what life is, you know, like presented different opportunities to just take a look at ourself and to expand on who we are and become a better version of ourselves, but we have to choose that. And um, I look back and that whole fake it till you make it isn't me faking it anymore. You know, like I made it, I made it out of that, and I'm walking through a situation now where I am adapting that fake it till you make it concept again because I know I've experienced what's on the other side of it, and it's really freaking beautiful, right? So if you take anything from this episode, let it be this. You don't need permission to believe in yourself at a level that doesn't make sense yet. You don't need proof to start acting like your future self, you don't need someone to tell you to go do the damn thing to then do it. You don't need anything, you just honestly need a little bit of delusion to help you get there. Because the version of you that has it all figured out, she didn't wait to feel ready. She just decided. We make a decision and then we show up as if. We keep going, and then we move like it what has already happened. And then what ends up happening? You look back in hindsight and be like, oh my god, it happened. Happened? How did that even go? How did that even happen? Right? Because it all comes down to a decision. And it comes down to believing that we can, believing that we can do the hard things, believing that we can show up as this version that we want to be, and then just acting as if, because it'll it'll happen if you keep at it. And you know, it's not. I don't want anyone to take away from this episode that if you make a decision to change something, if you make a decision, decision to show up as this version of you, this future self that you want for yourself, that you show up and act as if and it'll just happen, like in the most beautiful way. Because I'll say for myself that that's not exactly how it happened with that decision of deciding to be this version of me that I am today, didn't unfold in the most beautiful way. It unfolded in a way that would had highs and lows, up and down and all around, but nonetheless, it happened, and I was along for the ride, and I walked through it, and I believed that I could be the woman I am today, and that's the cool part about it all. So that's all I got, guys. Thanks for listening to what my brain thinks about and my experience, and I hope that somewhere along the way someone just got something because if you could relate to something that I said or something just kind of clicked, like you're not alone, and that's what's cool. But alright, back to my laundry because I have so much laundry to fold, I am drowning in it, no different than you. Bye guys.