Episode 10: The Identity Shift: Becoming Someone New

Have you ever looked at your life and realized you’ve outgrown the person you used to be?

In this episode of No Shame No Filter, I’m talking about the uncomfortable, exciting, and sometimes messy process of becoming someone new. I’m sharing what I’ve been up to—from building The Backup Plan, stepping into the next chapter of Empire Event Design, motherhood, and navigating the season of growth I’m currently in.

We’re talking about what happens when your old habits, mindset, and identity no longer align with the person you’re becoming. The truth is, growth isn’t always a big, dramatic transformation. Sometimes it’s the small decisions, the new boundaries, the habits we build, and the moments where we choose to believe we’re capable of more.

In this episode, we’ll talk about:

• Recognizing when you’ve outgrown an old version of yourself
• Letting go of the stories and labels that no longer serve you
• Why growth feels uncomfortable before it feels rewarding
• Building confidence by keeping promises to yourself
• Stepping into new opportunities before you feel completely ready
• Giving yourself permission to evolve and create a life that feels aligned

You are not stuck being who you’ve always been. You’re allowed to grow, change, and become someone new.

Welcome back to No Shame No Filter—a place for honest conversations about motherhood, business, healing, growth, and becoming the person you were always meant to be.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hey friends and welcome back to No Shame, No Filter. And it has been a little while since I've sat down behind this microphone, and honestly, I've missed it. Life has been full in the best and the absolute busiest ways. I've been raising my four children, pouring my heart into growing the backup plan, and there is just so much happening behind the scenes that I can't wait to share with you guys. We're building, creating, and dreaming really freaking big over there, and it's been so exciting to watch it all come together. And if you don't know, now you know. But I also stepped into an incredible new chapter with Empire Event Design, and that has honestly been such a beautiful experience. Starting to take over a business that has already been built on such a strong foundation by Gabby has been both so exciting and humbling. And there's just something really, really amazing about stepping into something that someone else poured their heart into, honoring what has already been created. And then getting the opportunity to bring my own vision, my own energy, my own ideas into the next chapter. It's such a beautiful, cool experience. And I've been learning so much about the wedding industry, building relationships with the couples that I get the pleasure to work with, venues and vendors, and realizing just how much I truly love just creating meaningful experiences for people. Because weddings are such just a unique thing, right? Because you're not just planning an event, you're helping someone bring one of the biggest moments of their life to reality. You're being trusted with that, and it's not something to take lightly at all. And I think that's been one of the coolest parts of the season for me because truthfully it came, it came up in conversation, and it was one of those things was like a no-brainer because my gosh, I enjoy it just so much, and it is just such an amazing experience to be able to see something from start to finish come together and to experience someone's most important day of their life thus far. And um, you know, it's just been one of the coolest things, right? And realizing that sometimes growth doesn't mean starting completely over. Sometimes me growth for me in this situation means stepping into something that already exists and having the courage to help it grow into what it can become, right? So it's kind of really cool. I have both experiences starting the backup plan from the ground up and then stepping into Empire Event Design on a solid foundation that, like I said, Gap has done an amazing job at building. And um, yeah, it's it's been it's it's been a lot, but it's all beautiful, beautiful things. And between building the businesses, learning new things, and navigating all the chaos that comes with motherhood, there have been moments where I've felt, you know, incredibly inspired. But there's also been moments where I've felt stretched, overwhelmed, and honestly, like there simply weren't simply weren't enough hours in the day. But, you know, through it all, I've been reminded that growth doesn't happen when life is perfectly balanced. It happens in the middle of showing up, even when things feel messy. But through it all, I keep coming back to this podcast because this has been a space where I can have a real just dialogue and um just conversation, you know. Um, and not because everything's figured out, but because everyone who me, you, whoever's listening to this, we're figuring it out together. And as I've been reflecting on everything that's changed over the last several months, I realize there's one thing that keeps showing up in my life consistently, very consistently, and that is growth. And I'm not just talking about growing a business or growing as a mom, but growing into a completely different version of myself, which brings me now we're at today's episode, and it brings me to my question. Have you ever looked at your life and realized you've outgrown the person you used to be? But not in a prideful way, not because you think you're better than anyone else, but because the things that once felt normal, they just don't fit anymore. Maybe what comes to mind for me is maybe the conversations, the habits, the mindset, or even the excuses, right? The way I spend my time, the goals I have, or a good one is even the people that I surround myself with. It's like one day, right? You follow along. One day you wake up and you've realized you're standing between two versions of yourself, the person you've always been and the person you're trying to become. And truthfully, I think, my opinion, I think that's one of the hardest places to be sometimes. Because becoming someone new isn't just about creating new habits, it's about letting go of old identities and old ideas, right? It's about releasing the stories that we believed in our about ourselves for freaking years. Things that have been we've ingrained in our brain. Like it just like we believe these things about ourselves. And that's honestly what I want to talk about today because it's just been very heavy with me lately. Very much a season I'm in. And let's talk about the story we tell ourselves. Because whether we realize it or not, every single one of us has an identity that we've built over time. Maybe it's based on our childhood or past relationships or failures, um, disappointments, or things that people have said about us. We start saying things like, maybe I'm just not disciplined, or I'm always behind, I'm not confident, I'm not good enough, I'm not worthy, people always leave me. We repeat those statements so often that they stop sounding like opinions, and to us, they now start feeling and sounding like facts. But here's what I've been learning just because something has been a part of our story does not mean it has to become our identity, and there's just a huge difference between what we've experienced and who we are. Maybe you've struggled with consistency, but that doesn't mean you're an inconsistent person, or maybe you've failed before. Doesn't mean you're a failure, or you've doubted yourself. That doesn't define you or make you be incapable of doing something, right? Or sometimes here it is, sometimes we've simply accepted an old version of ourselves because it's familiar, and our brain, uh everything, our nervous system, everything likes from things that are familiar to us, right? Because growth is uncomfortable. I think uh social media has convinced us that growth looks exciting all the time. That like, you know, people go on there, they're posting about, you know, just all the benefits, all the great things that we get from growing, the new goals, the big wins, the dream jobs, the healthy routines, but nobody. I mean, okay, you know, they're they're they're out there that they talk about it, but nobody really does talk about that awkward middle ground. The part where you're trying to become somebody different, but your old habits keep freaking showing up. The part where you you know what you want, but you don't feel like the you don't fully feel like the person who can have it yet, because that's where the growth actually happens, and it's so uncomfortable because we're leaving behind the version of ourselves that got us here, and sometimes that comes with grief, you know, um, and sadness, and while that version deserves gratitude, it doesn't necessarily get to come with us into our next season. And again, like for me personally, that hit me really hard. Um, because you know, I don't have certain things, the you know, my approach to things, or how I handle situations, or how I handle people, or how I interact with people, or my relationships, my friendships, and stuff like that. Some of those things don't come with me, right? And you know, our habits are shaping our identity. One thing that completely just helped to shift my perspective is realizing that every decision I make is reinforcing who I'm becoming, right? So, like every time I choose discipline over excuses, I'm now becoming someone who follows through. Where every time I spend some time learning instead of endlessly scrolling, I'm becoming someone who values growth. So, like if you see me go MIA on social media and I'm not up reposting things late at night, it's um if I it's because I'm reading. I mean, I'm doing some self, some self-care, something for myself. But if you see me reposting stupid reels and stuff like that, I'm endlessly scrolling. And I'll admit that. And every time, you know, I work on my business, even when I don't feel like it, I'm becoming someone who just keeps showing up. We don't wake up one day as a confident person. We actually become confident because over time, doing these things, these uncomfortable things, we've collected evidence that we can trust ourselves. And confidence is not something that we can just go out there and find because how freaking nice would that be? Like, go find ourselves some confidence, like easy peasy. No, it's something that we have to build. And another thing that just has carried over into the season that I'm in right now in life is to stop waiting to feel ready. Because uh, this has been huge for me. I used to think I needed to feel ready before taking the next step. You know, I think about the backup plan, being ready to launch it, or ready to post, or ready to start, ready to speak, or ready to grow, or just whatever, anything, right? Just being ready, whatever it is, fill in the blank for yourself. But the truth is that most of the things that have changed my life, good or bad, has happened before I even felt ready. If I waited until I felt completely qualified for something or completely confident in it, I'd still be waiting. Because sometimes in this situation, courage comes first, and then confidence comes after the fact, after we had the courage to say, you know what, I'm gonna go for it. I'm gonna give it my all and see what the hell happens. And then confidence comes because we did the thing, and we can see that we're capable and that we can rise a rise to the challenge and deliver. So we need to give ourselves to evolve because one of the biggest fears that people have is hearing someone say, You've changed. And honestly, I hope I have. I mean, dang, right? I hope I'm kinder and nicer than I was five years ago. I hope I'm more disciplined today than I was last year. I hope I'm more patient, more intentional, more confident. Because growth should change you. If you're not changing, then are you even growing? Because that's the whole point. So we need to not apologize for becoming someone that we've worked really hard to become. And you know, people will absolutely say, Oh, you've changed. And me say it in maybe in a negative way. And you know, it's because that person is used, it's uncomfortable with your growth, they're uncomfortable with your change for the better because they want you to shrink back and be that person, that version that they're comfortable with. And they would they might want to pull you back into that. And like we need to not apologize for who we are. Because, guys, let's be real. We've worked damn hard to get here, and it's not perfect, it's not a be, it's not, it's not always beautiful. I mean, it's a beautiful process, but it's not always seamless, and it's not always just straight to the point, like you know, um, it ebbs and flows, it's up and down, it's a roller coaster. Take a step forward, five steps back, and then back again. Like it's never ending. But you know, you get to look. I had this happen to me recently, where a situation happened, and honest to God, I was in the same situation last September, early October, and I handled the situation completely different than I did just a few days ago. And I was like shocked with myself, right? Because that's the point, like that is growth, and I am proud of that, you know. Um, is it easy? No, but like it was one of those things that like I I my reaction and I handled the situation so different that I took a step back and I looked back after the fact, I'm like, oh my gosh, like did I just set that boundary? It was it was so funny, but it's it's really, really cool when you can see it unfolding in front of you. And if you are listening to this today and you're somewhere between who you've been and who you're becoming, I just want you to know you're exactly where growth happens. It probably feels messy. I mean, my growth is very messy, like I'll be honest, because I don't get it right the first time, right? I mess up a lot, so it's messy, and it may feel uncomfortable or even lonely at times, but never confuse discomfort with failure because discomfort is all it is, seriously, all it is is proof that where you're growing. So I have a challenge for you. Ask yourself, who do I want to become? Not what do I want to have, not what do I want to accomplish, but who do I want to become? Then ask yourself this one question: What's one habit that I can start this week that aligns with that version of me? What is it? Because becoming someone new doesn't happen overnight, it happens one decision or one habit one day at a time. So, yeah. Thanks for hanging out with me today. I'm excited to be back behind the microphone, and I can't wait for all the conversations we're going to have. And until next time, it's no shame, no filter. Remember, listen, keep growing, keep showing up, and remember, you're allowed to become someone new. Don't let anyone tell you differently.