The Shoulds → Signals Shift: Why Trying Harder Isn’t Working in Midlife

This episode is dedicated to all my clients who told me they were disappointed in themselves this week because they "should" be doing XYZ. 

 Why does trying harder not work in midlife? 

In this episode, we explore “the shoulds”—the internal thoughts like “I should eat less” or “I should work out more”—and how they may be creating stress signals in your body that lead to fatigue, weight resistance, and poor sleep. 

You’ll learn how to shift from pressure-based thinking to understanding what your body is actually responding to.   

This episode is for you. 

Because those “shoulds” might actually be part of what’s keeping your body stuck. 

In midlife, your hormones, metabolism, stress response, and gut all shift—and if you’re still trying to follow old rules, your body may push back instead of respond. 

In this episode, I break down: 

✨ Why “the shoulds” are just learned thoughts—not facts
 ✨ How pressure-based thinking creates stress signals in the body
 ✨ The connection between your thoughts, cortisol, and metabolism
 ✨ Why trying harder often backfires in midlife
 ✨ How to shift from “what should I do?” to “what is my body responding to?” 

This is one of the biggest patterns I’m seeing with women inside my 12-Week Midlife Metabolism Reset—and once you see it, everything starts to make sense.  

💛 FREE DOWNLOAD:
Grab your free Shoulds Reset Guide to start shifting from pressure → support today:
👉 The "Shoulds" Reset Guide 

And if this episode felt like it was describing you… 

👉 that’s usually not random. 

You don’t have to figure this out alone. 

👉 Schedule a call with me here: https://tinyurl.com/chatwithpeggy

💛 Free download: The Shoulds Reset Guide
 

 If you found this episode helpful, follow the podcast and share it with a friend who may need it. 

Check us out on Youtube:  https://www.youtube.com/@peggymoorehealthandwellness

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hello, friends. Welcome to Discover Your Personal Power Midlife Edition. My name is Peggy Moore, and I'm a registered nurse and a functional medicine consultant, and basically your translator for what your body is actually doing right now in midlife. Without you needing 14 tabs open, trying to make sense of the symptoms that seem to come out of nowhere. Today, we're talking about something that's quietly driving so much of what women experience in midlife. And that is what I call the shoulds. This actually came up recently inside my metabolism reset program. It's one of the biggest patterns I'm seeing with women that I'm working with right now. Inside the program this month, we've been looking at the internal dialogue women are carrying. And what keeps coming up time and time again is this constant loop of I should, I should eat less, I should work out harder, I should be more disciplined, I should be able to handle this. I should have figured this out by now. And on the surface, those thoughts sound responsible. They sound like motivation. But here's the truth I want you to hear. Those shoulds are actually just thoughts. They're not facts, they're not requirements, they're learned patterns that your brain has practiced over time. And most of the time, they don't actually serve you. I want to take this a little step deeper because these thoughts don't just show up randomly. They come from somewhere. Most of the time, they're built from old advice, what maybe used to work for your body, what you've been, quote, told is healthy, what you see other people doing, or expectations that you've placed on yourself over time. And your brain holds on to that and says, this is what we should be doing, even when your body has completely changed. And here's where this really starts to affect you. Because the shoulds don't just create pressure, they create shame. They come from a place of judgment. Because when you don't follow through on all those quote, shoulds, your brain goes, What's wrong with me? Why can't I stick with this? I just need more discipline. And so now you're not only dealing with fatigue, weight changes, sleep issues, you're carrying emotional weight too. And this is where a little bit of thought work can become really powerful. Because when you think, I should be doing more, I should have this figured out, there's an energy behind that thought, the judgment, the pressure, the frustration. And that matters because your thoughts don't just stay in your mind, they create signals for your body. And this is what I've been guiding my clients through this week in the midlife reset. When you notice a should, I want you to pause and ask yourself where did that thought actually come from? Is this thought actually true? Is this thought helping me or is it hurting me? Because most of the time it's not helping. And here's the part that most women don't realize your body responds to those thoughts. So when your internal dialogue is, I need to do more, I'm not doing enough, I should be better than this, your body hears stress. Your body hears pressure. And when your body feels stress, cortisol increases. Your nervous system stays activated and your body shifts into protection mode, which shows up as fatigue, weight resistance, poor sleep, that wired but tired feeling. So even when your actions look healthy, if they're driven by pressure, your body may respond with resistance. I want you to come back to the idea that your body is a dance. Hormones are the choreography, metabolism is the powerhouse or the energy of the dance. Stress is that rhythm, and gut health is the dance floor. And the shoulds, they're like forcing the choreography without even listening to the rhythm. And when you ignore the rhythm of the body, the whole dance feels off. So here's the shift. Instead of asking, what should I be doing? Let's start by asking, what is my body responding to? What thought would actually support me right now? Because your body doesn't respond to rules, it responds to signals. And I want you to think about this for a second. Trying to figure this out on your own is a little like trying to fix a car with the hood closed. You know, something isn't running right. You can feel it, you can hear it, but you can't actually see what's going on underneath. So you start guessing, well, maybe it's this, maybe it's that. And you keep trying all these new things, but nothing is really fixing the problem. I had a woman that worked with me who said, I feel like I've tried everything, but nothing is working anymore. And she wasn't doing anything wrong. She just didn't have that clarity. And once we were able to work together and see what our body was responding to, everything started to make sense. And her body finally started responding again. This is often exactly where most women get stuck. They can see the pattern, but they don't know how to shift it consistently. And that's where support makes all the difference. And honestly, one of the most powerful parts of the program is that you're not doing this alone. You're surrounded by other women who feel the same things and are working through the same shifts. It's so validating. So if you've been at that place of trying, guessing, and starting over, this is your next step. I want you to schedule a call with me. And this is where together we'll open that hood. We'll look at what's actually going on in your body, what's keeping you stuck, and what it means to actually shift so that you're not guessing anymore. If this episode felt like it was describing you, this is not random. I want you to schedule that call now. Go to tinyurl.com backslash chat with Peggy. I would love to chat with you about what's going on with your health right now. Thanks for being here. Make sure to hit the subscribe button and share this episode with a friend who might be eye shooting herself. Because we in MidLife, women, we need to sit together. See you next time. This is Peggy Moore with Discover Your Personal Power, Midlife Edition.