The Exhausting Habit of Overthinking

Overthinking can feel like being responsible, thoughtful, and self-aware… until suddenly you’re lying in bed replaying every conversation, questioning every decision, and putting your whole life on trial after 9 p.m.

In this episode of The Watch Me Podcast, Lauren talks about the exhausting habit of overthinking and how it shows up in motherhood, friendships, relationships, big dreams, and late-night mental spirals. This episode breaks down the difference between reflection and rumination, why overthinking often starts as protection, and how to stop treating every anxious thought like truth.

If you constantly replay what you said, wonder if you did enough as a mom, overanalyze texts, spiral about what people think, or talk yourself out of big dreams before you even start, this episode is for you.

In this episode, we talk about:

✨ Why overthinking feels productive but keeps you stuck
 ✨ The difference between reflection and rumination
 ✨ How to stop spiraling after 9 p.m.
 ✨ Mom guilt and the “did I do enough?” mental loop
 ✨ Why anxiety is not always intuition
 ✨ How to stop solving other people’s silence
 ✨ The CHOOSE Method for interrupting overthinking
 ✨ How to repair instead of replay
 ✨ Why confidence is choosing yourself before your brain gets quiet

Overthinking is not always wisdom. Sometimes it is fear trying to sound responsible.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Thank you guys for being so patient during our summer break. It is August first today while I'm recording this. And I took July off. I have an 11-year-old and a five-year-old and at home in summer, and I work from home and it is a lot going on. And I just needed to put this down and like be really present with my kids. So I appreciate you guys being so patient. But we are back for, I guess we can call this kind of like a part two of season one, right? And what's going on in my life? I turned 35 on the 4th of July. That was pretty cool. I had a big party, a lot of friends over. We did a bouncy house. Was it for the adults or was it for the kids more? I guess we'll never know. I went to Omaha for a work conference. That was exciting. I got an opportunity to speak twice, though, at this work conference that I went to, and that was really inspiring. I did a woman's in leadership session. And what a cool, cool session to do a woman in leadership session. There was a great turnout, a lot of good conversation, and it's always so inspiring to be around women who are inspiring, who are entrepreneurs, who are in leadership, and or to talk to people who want to be. Like it's always cool to like when you get around a group of people, it gives me life when I'm around people like that. It just fills my cup and gives me life. But as you can see by the hair, if you're on video, it's all natural right now. We are still middle of summer. The kids have three weeks of school or three weeks of summer left, two weeks of summer left before they head off. My son is going into sixth grade. Oh my God, middle school. And my daughter is five. She's going into kindergarten. But mommy's is so ready to have the house back to normal. But alas, that's a little update on what I've been doing. But today we're going to talk about the exhausting habit of overthinking. And I'm talking about replaying a conversation from three days ago and deciding completely out of nowhere that the way you said, okay, sounds good was probably weird. I'm talking about that lying in bed after a friend gathering or a hangout and mentally reviewing every single thing you've said, like how you said it, whether you talk too much, whether you're ignoring, whether you overshared, whether someone secretly thought you were a law, even though nobody said that. Nobody acted that way. And no one handed you a written complaint about your personality on the way out the door. And I'm talking about, I'm talking about that mom, like the mom version too, that one that that honestly gets me the most recently. Like, you know what I mean? At the end of the day, when the kids are asleep and the house is finally quiet, instead letting yourself breathe, your brain decides it's time to audit your entire motherhood. You start thinking about the moment you lost your patience, the things you forgot, the tone you used, the time you were distracted, the way bedtime felt rushed, the fact that you didn't play as much as you wanted to, or the way you were touched out and overstimulated and barely hanging on by an emotional dread. And then your mind starts asking the questions that feel like knives like, did I do enough today? Was I present enough? Did I yell too much? Did I make him feel loved? Should I have been softer? Should I have handled that meltdown better? And before you even realize it, you are no longer thinking about one moment. You are questioning who you are. And that's the wound we're going to be naming today. A lot of us are not just tired because life is busy. We are tired because even when our bodies stop moving, our minds keep sprinting. Like there are so many times where I've done nothing but sit on the couch, but I'm still exhausted because my mind just hasn't shut up. We live the day once and then we force ourselves to relive it 10 more times in our heads, changing the angle, reviewing the tones, searching for hidden meaning, building imaginary evidence, and calling it a reflection of the day because that sounds healthier than admitting we're emotionally bullying ourselves before bed. And I need you to hear this early, like before your brain tries to argue with me, okay? The fact that you are questioning whether you care enough is usually proof that you care deeply. A checked-out person is not lying awake at night wondering if they did enough. A careless mom is not replaying the moment she snapped and thinking about how she can repair it tomorrow. A woman who does not care is not mentally dissecting every interaction because she wants to be kind and understood and loving. You are not broken because your brain is loud. But you are allowed to stop letting the loudest thought run this whole damn show. And that's what this episode is really about. Not just how do I stop thinking so much? Because honestly, that you can't do that. That advice would be annoying. If we could simply just stop overthinking, we would have done it already. Nobody's lying awake at midnight analyzing a text from Tuesday because they forgot to just calm down. This is about learning how to stop treating every thought like the truth. It's about learning the difference between reflection and rumination, between intuition and anxiety and accountability and shame. It's the difference between caring deeply and carrying everything until it crushes you. And it's also about giving you something to actually do with that spiral when it shows up. Because I don't want this episode to be 30 minutes of lovingly naming the chaos and then sending you back into your life like, good luck with your raccoon brain, babe. Like, no, we're not gonna be doing that. We're gonna name it, normalize it, understand it, and then interrupt it because overthinking is sneaky. It rarely walks in and announces, hey girl, I'm here to steal your piece and make you question your entire existence. No, it comes in like the sounding responsible. It's helping you prepare or helping you improve or helping you avoid mistakes, helping you make sure no one is upset or helping you make the right choice. But somewhere along the way, that help it starts hurting you. What began as I want to learn from this turns into let me emotionally destroy myself or something I may not be able to change. And that's where we need to draw the line, right? There is a difference between reflecting and ruminating. Reflection helps you gather wisdom, it allows you to look at what happened, notice what you've learned, identify what needs repair, and choose what you want to do differently next time. But rumination, rumination keeps dragging you back into the same mental loop. Not because there's more to learn, but because your nervous system is trying to feel safe by finding certainty that may not exist. Reflection sounds like that was hard, and here's what I can take from it. Rumination sounds like let's replay this until you feel terrible enough to prove you care. So here's the first tool, and I want you to use it the second you notice your mind starting to spin. Ask yourself, is this reflection or rumination? Okay. Reflection usually moves you somewhere. It gives you a lesson, an action, a repair, a next step. Rumination keeps you circling the same thought with no new information, no new clarity, no actual relief. And a good way to tell the difference is to ask, is this helping me understand, or is this just helping me punish myself? That question will call the spiral out real quick. Because if the answer is, I already know what happened, I already know what I wish I did differently, and now I'm just replaying it until I feel like garbage, then that's not reflection anymore. That's rumination. And rumination does not need more of your attention. It needs interruption. And I know that feeling so well because I used to lay in bed after every event, any dinner, any work thing, any day at work, any friend gathering, literally honestly any situation where I had to be around people and use my outside personality for longer than 20 minutes, and my mind would immediately start reviewing the whole thing like game footage. Like I would lay at bed at night, close my eyes, and replay every single minute of the day. I would think about what I said, how I said it, whether I interrupted, whether I sounded weird, whether I talked too much, whether I should have asked more questions, whether someone misunderstood me. Did I come off too intense, too quiet, too loud, too emotional, too something? And the wild part is most of the time nobody said anything was wrong. Nobody texted me afterwards, like, hey, just want to let you know we're all holding a meeting about how the way you were acting. My brain just decided there must be a problem. That's what overthinking does. It creates a problem, it searches for proof and then acts like you're being irresponsible if you don't sit there and participate in this interrogation it's giving you. But here's the truth I want to keep bringing us back to. Overthinking is not always wisdom or intuition, and it is definitely not always responsibility. Sometimes overthinking is fear trying to sound mature. Sometimes it's anxiety saying, hey, I'm trying to help. Well, actually, it's draining every ounce of peace from your body. And that's just rude, if you ask me. Because overthinking, sure, it feels productive. That's what makes it so powerful. You tell yourself you're preparing and being careful and learning for them from the situation. You are spiraling. And spirals do not need more attention. They need interruption. So let's make this practical early because I want you to have this before we go even deeper. When the spiral starts, I want you to do three things before you believe the thought. First, name what's happening. Am I overthinking because I'm trying to feel safe? What is this? That sentence matters because it softens the shame. It reminds the reminds you that you're not stupid, broken, dramatic, or crazy. Your brain is trying to protect you, even if that method is absolutely exhausting. And then check the state of your body. Ask, am I tired? Am I hungry? Am I overstimulated? Am I lonely? Scrolling, overwhelm? Am I trying to solve my life after 9 p.m.? Because a depleted body will create dramatic thoughts and then try to sell them as truth. Sometimes the issue is not that your life is falling apart. Sometimes the issue is that you need food and rest, a shower, a phone boundary, put it down, girl, stop scrolling, or like 10 quiet minutes where nobody needs anything from you. And then finally, ask the question that separates action from anxiety. Is there something I need to do? Is or is this a feeling I need to let pass? Is there something I need to do? Or is this a feeling I need to let pass? If there is an action, take it. Repair, ask, decide, write it down, make the plan, whatever. But if there is no action, then the thought does not need another hour of analysis. It needs a boundary. That is how we start fighting back. And before we talk about how to interrupt it though, I want to slow down and say something really important. Overthinking does not come from nowhere. Most of us did not wake up one day and decide it'd be fun to exhaust ourselves with imaginary scenarios and emotional replays until we can't sleep. A lot of us learned this somewhere. Maybe you grew up needing to read the room because somebody's mood changed the whole energy of the house. Maybe you became really good at noticing tone or facial expressions, silence, body language, small shifts because your nervous system learned that paying attention kept you safer. Maybe you were praised for being responsible or thoughtful or mature or easy. And now your brain thinks it's your full-time job to anticipate everyone else's feelings before they even have them. For some of us, overthinking started as protection. It was your brain's way of saying, let me figure this out before something bad happens, let me scan for danger, let me predict every possible outcome, let me make sure we're ready. I have compassion for that, I really do, because that's me. My reason for overthinking was having to overanalyze the room I was in, making sure I was safe, the sound of footsteps, like were they the good footsteps, were they the bad footsteps? Were they the happy footsteps? Were they the mad footsteps? When somebody walked in a room, I was preparing myself. And that's where that overthinking comes from is that constant overanalyzation. Because at one point, that strategy though may have helped you survive and it may have helped you stay safe and accepted, avoided conflict or criticism or rejection, or it made you feel like you had such like a sense of control over the situation that really actually felt helpless. But just because a pattern protected you once does not mean it gets to control you forever. And this is where we need to be honest. Your brain may be trying to keep you safe. But if the way it keeps you safe is by stealing your sleep, your peace, your confidence, your joy, your ability to trust yourself, then we need to teach it a new way, right? Because overthinking gives you this illusion of control. It makes you feel like if you think long enough and hard enough and intensely enough, you can prevent pain and avoid rejection and make the right choice and keep people from judging you. Guarantee your kids will be okay and somehow control how everyone else experiences you. But thinking is not the same as controlling. Analyzing is not healing. Worrying is not preparing. Sometimes overthinking is just your brain trying to avoid the truth that you can't control everything. And let me tell you, overthinkers hate that sentence. You can't control it. I hate that sentence. I hate that sentence. You can't control everything. But Lauren, I want to control everything. I know, I do too, but we can't, right? We hate uncertainty. We want a guarantee. We want proof. We want to sign a notarized document from the universe saying, yes, this choice will work out. No one will misunderstand you. Your kids will be fine. Your dream will not fail. That text was not weird and everyone secretly loves you. Like, cute, I really wish that that could happen. That would be really awesome and help me all the time. But that's not happening, right? Life does not hand out certainty like Costco samples. And if if they did, if Costco handed out certainty like their samples, my daughter would be, she loves Costco samples every time with that. That's all she wants to do. But I digress. And if you keep waiting to feel 100% certain before you act, speak, choose, rest, apologize, or set the boundary and move forward, you're going to spend your life sitting in your head while your actual life is begging you to show up. So that's where that confidence comes in, right? Because confidence is not having a quiet mind. Confidence is not waiting until fear shuts up. Confidence is not finally gathering enough proof that nothing bad could ever happen, but it's a choice, right? Confidence is a choice. It is choosing to trust yourself enough to take the next step while your brain is still offering a full PowerPoint presentation on what can go wrong. And that is not easy. And I'm not going to sit here and act like it is. When your mind has been loud for years, choosing differently feels super uncomfortable at first. It can feel almost irresponsible to stop thinking about something because your brain has convinced you that worrying is what keeps you safe. It may feel strange to go to bed without replaying the whole day, uncomfortable to send the text and not reread it six times, or wrong to apologize once and let the moment be repaired instead of mentally punishing yourself for the next three hours. That discomfort does not mean you're doing it wrong, though. Okay? It means you're doing something new. A lot of us think that healing should feel peaceful immediately. But sometimes healing feels like not obeying the pattern, even while the pattern is screaming at you for the attention. Sometimes growth feels like closing your laptop, putting your phone away, and saying we're not doing this tonight, while your brain is in the background acting like you just abandoned some national emergency. And that brings me though to one of my biggest rules, okay? Any thought after 9 p.m. is not real. And I stand by this with my whole damn jest. Any thought after 9 p.m. is not real. After 9 p.m., my brain is not a wise mentor. It is a raccoon in a trench coat digging through emotional trash and calling it research. It will take one tiny thing from the day and turn it into a full documentary called Everything You've Ever Done Wrong and Why Everyone Is Secretly Annoyed With You. No, ma'am, we are not trusting that. After 9 p.m., the answer is usually food, sleep, a shower, a phone boundary, or simply refusing to engage with your brain like it's a credible source. Tired thoughts feel convincing. Late night anxiety can sound weirdly profound. An exhausted mind in the dark can make literally anything feel like a revelation, but not every thought deserves a meeting. Some thoughts just need snack and a bedtime. So here's the late night spiral tool. Delay the debate. When your brain starts spiraling after 9 p.m., I want you to say this. This is not the time to solve this. You are not saying this doesn't matter. You're not saying you're stupid for thinking it. You're not judging yourself for having a lot of mind. You're simply refusing to hand decision-making power to the most exhausted version of you. Okay? Write it down if you need to. Tell your brain, thank you for trying to protect me, but we're not solving my life tonight. Then revisit in the morning when your body is rested and your nervous system is settled and your thoughts are not being sponsored by exhaustion and doom. Okay. This sounds simple, but simple does not mean weak. Simple is often actually what works in this situation. Because sometimes your mind doesn't need another deep debate. Sometimes it needs you to loving parent it. And I know that might sound funny, but like think about it. When your child is exhausted and melting down, you usually don't sit there and ask them to make a major life decision. You don't go, okay, well, you're crying on the floor because your sock feels weird. Let's talk about your five-year plan. No, you feed them, you help them calm down, you give them rest, you regulate the situation before accepting them to be rational. But somehow, when we're exhausted or overwhelmed or hungry, overstimulated, emotionally fried, we let our brains make sweeping conclusions about our life. We decide we're failing, that nobody likes us, we're behind, we're bad moms, our dreams are impossible, the text was weird, the friendship is ruined, the job is doomed, the future is falling apart, and we should probably just move into the woods and start over as a mysterious woman who owns goats. No, that is not wisdom. That is depletion. And you are allowed to care for yourself before you believe yourself. And that's where this choose method that we talk about comes in, because overthinking needs something tangible. We're not just gonna say stop the thinking so much and leave you there because that would be rude and wildly unhelpful of me. We are going to practice choosing differently, right? C. Care for yourself like you matter. This is where everything starts because you cannot keep treating your body like it's a vehicle for your anxious brain. You need food, water, sleep, movement, quiet, support, and a space to feel like a human being. When you are depleted, your thoughts get darker, louder, and more dramatic. So caring for yourself is not selfish or cute or optional. It's a part of how you stop handing your mind over to panic. Hear yourself talk before you obey it. When that spiral starts, pause long enough to actually listen to what your mind is saying. Does it sound kind? Does it sound true? Does it sound useful? Or does it sound like fear trying to sound responsible? Because a lot of overthinking comes in wearing the voice of I'm just being realistic when it's normally just shame or anxiety or old programming trying to pull you back into a story you've outgrown. Own your choices without shaming yourself. You can admit I snapped tonight, or I wish I handled that better. Or that was not my best moment without turning it into I'm a terrible person and everything would be better if I'm not around. Accountability says I can look at that honestly, and next time she's better. Shame says this moment proved something terrible about me. And those are not the same thing. Okay? The next O is overcome through action before confidence arrives. Send the text, make the decision, apologize, ask for clarity, set the boundary, put the phone down, go to bed. You do not have to solve your entire personality before taking one healthy step. And you don't need full confidence before you do the thing that supports your becoming. Yes, show up for yourself in one small way. Sometimes showing up for yourself looks like closing the mental courtroom and saying, We're not doing this tonight. Okay. Other times it looks like journaling the thought, taking a walk, putting your hand on your chest, slowing your breathing, or texting someone safe and saying, I need a sounding board, not a solver. It does not have to be dramatic to be powerful. And E, expand your proof so your brain sees your growth. Overthinking loves collecting evidence of everything you did wrong. So, what can you do differently? Start collecting evidence of what you're doing right. You repaired it. You notice the pattern. You pause before reacting. You chose sleep instead of another doom hour thinking. You did not spiral as long as you used to. That counts. Don't dismiss progress just because that progress is not perfect. Perfection is fear in a prettier outfit. Now let's talk about motherhood again. Because this is one of the places where overthinking can get especially brutal. There is a specific kind of guilt that shows up when you are a mom, and it is a ruthless type of guilt because it attaches itself to love. You love your kids so much that everything feels high stakes. You know they are watching you. Your words matter, your reactions matter, and the way you show up matters. So when you have a hard day, your brain doesn't just say that was a hard day. It says, what if this means you're failing them? And that's where overthinking turns cruel. It takes a human moment and tries to make it into a permanent identity. You lost your patience and your mind says you're a bad mom. You rush bedtime and your mind says you're not present enough. You needed a break and your mind says, You're selfish. You did not handle the meltdown the way you wish you would have. And your mind says you're damaging them. Let's tell the truth. Good moms have hard days. Loving moms need repair. Present moms get overwhelmed. A woman can deeply adore her children and still need everyone to stop touching her for seven consecutive minutes. Okay. This does not make you a bad mom. This makes you a human being with a nervous system. Guilt does not prove that you are doing motherhood right. Shame is not a parenting strategy. Replaying the blowup 12 times doesn't undo the blow up. It just makes you relive it until your body starts responding like the moment is still happening. So here is the mom tool, okay? Repair it. Don't replay it. If you snapped, apologize. If the day felt disconnected, create one small connection tomorrow. If you feel guilty, ask whether guilt is pointing you towards repair or just dragging you into punishment. Because your kids do not need a mom who mentally bleeds out every night. They need a mom who knows how to come back, own her humanity, and try again. And the better question is not how can I punish myself for that? A stronger question is what needs repair and what can I choose differently tomorrow? And that's where the growth lives. Growth does not live in the spiral, the self-attack, or the fake courtroom where your brain presents every mistake. It lives in the pause when you say, okay, I did not love how I handled that, but I can own it without becoming it. And that's powerful because overthinking loves to turn moments into identities. And we're not doing that anymore. One moment is information. It is not your whole identity. And I need you to start talking to yourself like you actually believe that. And the same thing happens in relationships and friendships. You send a text and they don't respond right away. So your brains start writing a full tragic novel novel where they secretly hate you. You did something wrong. Their friendship is over, and you should probably reread the message until the words lose meaning. You go to dinner with friends, and afterwards, instead of enjoying the fact you connected with people, your mind starts picking apart whether you talk too much or shared too much. I'm an oversharer. Happens to me all the time. Laughed too loud or said something weird. And here's what I want you to remember being misunderstood is uncomfortable, but it is not a death sentence. Someone not liking you is uncomfortable, sure, but it's not proof that you're unlikable. A person having a different opinion of you than what you hope for is uncomfortable, yeah. But it doesn't get to become the boss of your identity. Because if your peace depends on being perfectly understood by everybody, you'll never rest. Some people will misunderstand you no matter how carefully you explain yourself. They will judge you no matter how small you try to become. And some people will not know what to do with your personality, your confidence, your dreams, your honesty, your emotions, your boundary, your growth. And it's okay, just let them. And I know that sounds easy to say and harder to live, but there comes a point where you have to stop auditioning for acceptance from people who aren't even paying attention to the real you. Overthinking convinces you that if you can just analyze yourself enough, soften enough, explain enough, perform enough, become acceptable enough, you can avoid being judged. But you cannot prevent that. You can't prevent judgment. You just end up exhausted and resentful, living inside a version of you that was built to make everyone else comfortable. And that's not the life we're choosing here, okay? So here's the social spiral tool I want you to learn. Stop trying to solve someone else's silence. If there's actual evidence that something is wrong, you can check in once. You can say, hey, I felt a little weird about how I said that earlier. I just want to make sure we're good. That's healthy. That's direct. That is clear. It's opening conversation. But if there's no evidence, no conversation, no conflict, no actual issue, you don't get to invent a full crime scene in your head and then sentence yourself for it. You can remind yourself if someone has a problem with me, they're allowed to communicate it. I do not have to pre-punish myself for a convict conversation no one's even started yet. And that one takes practice, especially if you're used to reading the room and managing people's moods and trying to stay ahead of rejection. But part of like self trust is letting other people be responsible for their own communication. You do not have to do everyone's emotional homework for them. And overthinking also loves to show up around your dreams. Oh my God. This is huge for me. I deal with this constantly. That one is sneaky because it feels like you're planning, but sometimes it's fear begging you to stay small. Like maybe you want to start the podcast or write the book or apply to the job or change careers or post the video or start the business, ask for more, leave the room you outgrew, or become the version of yourself you keep imagining when nobody is watching. Then right on cue, your brain starts to ask every possible question. What if people judge me? What if I fail? What if I look stupid? What if I'm not ready? What if somebody thinks I'm too much? What if I change and people don't like it? What if I try and it doesn't work? Those questions feel like preparation, but sometimes they're just a cage with better lighting. Because as long as you're thinking about the decision, you don't have to make it. As long as you're analyzing every possible outcome, you don't have the risk of being wrong, right? As long as you keep saying you need more time, more clarity, more confidence, and more certainty, you don't have to be seen trying. And sometimes overthinking is procrastination, but it's just anxiety. That's blunt, but it's true. There are moments when your brain is not helping you repair and it's just getting you to hide. And I say that with love because I do not want fear to rob you while pretending to protect you, because it does it to me a lot. So here's the dream tool. This is the one I use, and I'm gonna give it to you. Give yourself a decision deadline and choose the next smallest move. Overthinking loves unlimited time because unlimited time means you never have to risk anything. So instead of saying, I need to think about this more, ask what's the next smallest step I can take by Friday? Not the whole plan, not the perfect version, not the fully healed, fully confident, fully branded, polished life overhaul. Just the next small step. Post the clips, send the email, outline the idea, say yes to the opportunity, put the date on the calendar. Confidence grows when your brain sees you move. That is why action matters so much. And if you want to start the thing, start messy. If you need to say the thing, say it with a shaky voice. If you need to set the boundary, let it be uncomfortable. If you need to make the choice, make the best one you can with the information you have at the time and trust yourself to handle it. You do not need to know the whole staircase to take one step. You do not need full certainty to choose courage. You don't need every person to understand you before you stop abandoning yourself. There comes a point where you have to ask, is this thought helping me or is it holding me hostage? That question will change things because not every thought deserves your loyalty. Some thoughts are old programming, some are fear, some are exhaustion, some are shame, some are your nervous system trying to protect you from a feeling you can actually survive. Once you begin to see that, you can stop treating every thought like an emergency and start treating it like information. And information can be useful, but it doesn't need to get to control your whole life. And a lot of overthinking is not actually about the thought itself, right? It's about the feeling underneath it. When you keep replaying a conversation, maybe the real feeling is fear of being misunderstood. When you obsess over whether someone is mad at you, maybe the deeper wound is fear of rejection and abandonment. When you spiral about motherhood at night, maybe underneath that is the grief that the day felt harder than you wanted it to. When you keep analyzing a decision, maybe the real discomfort is that you don't know how to sit with uncertainty. Overthinking keeps you in your head because sometimes feeling what is underneath it feels too vulnerable. So instead of only asking, why am I thinking this, try asking, what am I afraid I'll have to feel if I stop thinking about this? And that question's not always fun. It will humble you real quick because sometimes the answer is sadness. Sometimes it's embarrassment. Maybe it's disappointment. Maybe it's helplessness. Maybe it's the fear that someone saw a version of you that you're still learning how to love. And I want to say this gently but directly. Like you can survive those feelings. You can feel embarrassed and still be worthy. You can disappoint someone and still be good. You can be misunderstood and still know who you are. You can have a hard day as a mom and still deeply love your kids. You can make an imperfect choice and still trust yourself to handle what comes next. The goal is to not build a life where you never feel uncomfortable. It's to build enough self-trust that discomfort doesn't get to hijack your entire mind because your brain has been trying to protect you from feelings that you are now strong enough to face. That's deeper work. Overthinking says, keep thinking until you feel safe. Self-trust says I can feel unsure and still move forward. Overthinking says you need to know what everyone thinks. Self-worth says, I know who I am, even if someone misreads me. Overthinking says one bad moment means something is wrong with you. And growth says one bad moment gives me information, not a new identity. That is the main lesson. Your thoughts may be loud, but they're not always true. Your fear may be convincing, but it's not always wise. Your mind may be trying to protect you, but protection that costs you peace needs to be questioned. And I know some of you are listening right now and be okay, but what if I actually did mess up? Okay, then repair it. That's the answer. Super simple. But overthinking wants to keep you in analysis because analysis feels safer than action. Growth, however, asks you to move. If you've hurt someone, apologize. We're adult tier, come on. If you made a mistake, correct it. If you need clarity, ask. If you need support, say so. If you need rest, stop negotiating with yourself like exhaustion is something you have to earn your way out of. But sitting in your head for three hours trying to shame yourself into being better is not the move. You cannot shame yourself into peace. You cannot spiral your way into confidence. You cannot emotionally beat yourself into becoming softer, healthier, or more guarded person. That is not healing. That is self-abuse wearing in self-improvement name tag. The answer is action, compassion, and trust. So here's what I want you to practice this week. When the spiral starts, pause before you jump into the loop. Notice what is happening and saying, Am I overthinking because I'm trying to feel safe? That sentence alone can soften the shame because it reminds you that you are not stupid or broken or dramatic or crazy. Your brain is trying to protect you. It may be using an old strategy that's no longer serving you, but it's trying to protect you. Then ask yourself, is there an action I need to take, or is this feeling a feeling I need to let pass? If there's an action, take it, right? If there's no action, then you are no longer problem solving. You are spiraling. And spiral needs interruption. Change the environment, put the phone down, move your body, take a shower, step outside, journal for five minutes, breathe slower than feels natural, text the safe person and I said and say I need to talk this out. Or, or if it's after 9 p.m., you write the thought down and tell yourself we can revisit this in the morning. You do not need to earn rest by solving everything first. Rest is not a reward for being mentally perfect. It is a requirement for being human, especially for the moms listening. Please hear me on this. Your kids do not need a mom who replays every mistake until she breaks herself. They need a mom who can repair and grow and laugh and rest and apologize and try again and show them what it looks like to be human without drowning in shame. You are teaching them something every time you choose not to collapse under guilt. You are showing them that love can include repair and growth and it can include grace. And a hard day does not have to become a life sentence. And that matters. Because the goal is not to become a woman who never messes up or never spirals or never worries or never has a hard night. The goal is to become a woman who knows how to come back to herself when her mind gets loud. That is what self-trust looks like. Not perfection, return. You come back to your body. You come back to your breath, to your truth. You come back to the next right choice. You come back to the woman you are becoming, even if your brain is still trying to drag you into old stories. And every time you interrupt the spiral, you're building proof. Every time you choose sleep instead of self-interrogation, that is proof. Every repair becomes proof. Each boundary is proof. Every moment when you say, I'm not doing this to myself tonight becomes proof too. Your mind has spent years collecting evidence that you are unsafe and wrong and failing and too much and not enough and behind and annoying and embarrassing or one mistake away from everything falling apart. Now we are building a new file. Evidence that you can handle discomfort, evidence that you can survive uncertainty, evidence that you can repair without shaming yourself, evidence that one imperfect day does not erase your love. It is something you choose. And that is the call higher today. You do not have to keep living every thought like every thought deserves your attention. My brain may be loud, but you are still in charge. Fear can make suggestions, anxiety can raise concerns, guilt can knock on the door, and old patterns can try and pull up a chair, but none of them get to move in and run your life. You are not the spiral. You are a woman learning how to step out of it. You are not your worst thought, your hardest day, your awkward comment, your late night guilt, or the story your brain tells you when it's tired. You are the one who gets to choose what happens next. So choose yourself in the smallest way possible today. Care for yourself like you matter. Hear yourself talk before you obey it. Own your choices without shaming yourself. Overcome through action before confidence arrives. Show up for yourself in one small way and expand your proof so your brain sees growth. Because confidence is not waiting for your mind to fully become quiet. Confidence is choosing yourself while your mind is still learning how to calm down. And honestly, that's a flex. So tonight, when the house gets quiet and your brain tries to open the case file, I want you to remember that you are allowed to close it. You are allowed to say not right now. You are allowed to choose sleep over self-interrogation, race over shame, repair over rumination, and peace over the mental spiral that's pretending to protect you while quietly wearing you down. You are allowed to be a good woman with an imperfect day. You are allowed to stop confusing overthinking with responsibility. You are allowed to trust that tomorrow you can handle tomorrow's problem. And tonight you deserve care. Before we wrap up, though, don't forget to subscribe to the Watch Me Podcast so you don't miss an episode. And come hang out with me on Instagram at the Lauren Fritz and TikTok at Watch Me Pod. And I'll end like always by saying, I love you, I'm proud of you, and I believe in you. And I know you might have trouble loving yourself, being proud of yourself, or believing in yourself right now. And that's okay. So until you can do this alone, use my love and belief in you to get up, go out, and kill it today. You're not waiting on your brain to get quiet. You are choosing peace anyway. Now go choose yourself. Bye, guys.