Episode 4 - Real Talk : Grief

What does it actually look like to move through grief… in real time?

This episode is raw, real, and deeply personal. Lisa opens up about what she’s currently moving through, while Desi holds space and supports her through the experience of grief as it’s unfolding.

There’s no “perfect way” to heal here — just honesty, emotion, and what it looks like to not push things down or rush the process.

Trigger warning: this episode touches on sensitive and recent experiences.

What We Cover

• Moving through grief without a timeline
• Guilt, forgiveness, and complex emotions
• Why you’re not meant to hold everything in
• Tools and support systems that actually help
• Letting yourself feel instead of pushing through
• Reconnecting to what truly matters

Who This Is For

If you’re navigating grief, loss, or heavy emotions — or supporting someone who is — this conversation is for you.

What to Expect

Real conversation, real emotion, and a safe space to feel what’s actually there.

Reflection questions from this episode:

• Where in my life am I trying to rush the healing process?
• What emotions keep coming up for me — and what might they be trying to show me?
• What would it look like to offer myself more compassion right now?

If this episode resonates, share it with someone who may need it.
Follow along and leave a review to help us reach more people 🤍

Leave a review, screenshot & share with us on IG for a chance to win a 30-min Akashic records with Desi or oracle card reading with Lisa.

The books mentioned:

You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay

Your Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk M.D.

The Secret Language of Your Body: The Essential Guide to Health and Wellness

by Inna Segal 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Hey, this is Desi.

SPEAKER_01 0:03

And this is Lisa, and welcome to our podcast, Real Talk Real Healing, where we support women through their healing journey.

SPEAKER_00 0:09

Through raw stories, authentic dialogue, and uncomfortable but very necessary conversations, we will explore the full range of emotions, energetics, spirituality, and physical well-being that come with being human.

SPEAKER_01 0:22

Hello and welcome back to Real Talk Real Healing. On this episode today, this is going to be possibly a deeper conversation and a little bit heavier. So just a little pre-warning. We're going to be talking about possible sensitive subjects. Um, but we are going through a real-time healing process. So stay tuned. Um, and this is Lisa and Desi. And Lisa is currently going to be coached and supported by Desi, uh, real time. And just to give you a little summary of what we're getting into today, um me and my boyfriend have had a really tough week, and unfortunately, a week ago, we found out that his sister passed away unexpectedly. And it's still very fresh. And I'm so grateful I have Desi to lean on and support. And I think this is the perfect opportunity um to share with you guys uh what the healing process looks like when how we work through uh personally in real time and be open to obviously you do not have to be going through something as heavy as I am, as grief and and feeling the waves and emotions, but I truly know and I feel very pulled to share what I'm going through, share how I'm processing things in the moment because it's definitely allowing me to lean into my emotions more. And of course, as coaches and as ever on this self-healing journey, it is very important to allow yourself to feel. It is very important to lean into my tools right now, and I'm so, so grateful that I have them. And I'm so so grateful for this opportunity with Desi and with our podcast to share what this is all about. Like, this is why we're freaking here. So might as well lean in, might as well be vulnerable. So if you stay tuned for this whole episode, I so appreciate you. And if you this resonates with you, no matter what you're going through, I I hope it does. And maybe you come back to this for some healing. And um, I just thank you for for listening in and sharing this experience with me because even even just talking at the microphone, I do feel already the support and the love. Um, and you know that this is why we're here. So I truly do believe that.

SPEAKER_00 2:51

Yeah, I think, you know, as we're coming together for, you know, this podcast, we named it Real Talk, Real Healing. And it's like, well, here's the real talk, and here's the real cook healing in real time. And it's such a precious and intimate conversation that we're going to have. And I just want to thank Lisa for being vulnerable and being brave enough to be here to have the hard conversations and to really put out there to the world what's on her heart and what she's going through. So, of course, we're gonna meet her with so much grace and so much love and so much admiration for coming and being so vulnerable. So let's dive in. So, I would love to know what is like really present for you through this sh time of grieving.

SPEAKER_01 3:36

Um, I think the biggest thing that I've been coming back to and that I I shared with you already in the beginning when I reached out a week ago and I was like, this is really heavy today. I just need a little support of you know, how to work through this and what you recommend. Cause even though I know the tools, sometimes I get stuck still in my mind and I'm like, I don't know what to do. Like, or I just need someone to kind of guide me a little bit and be like, oh, yeah, that feels good. And the thing that I shared with you um was I felt like guilt in a way was was is still coming up, um, or just like doubting or questioning, you know, along those lines, because um, as as I'm sure I'll share a little bit of of this story and and the and the reasoning of passing the possible reasoning. We do not know for sure, um, but we can assume she's she's had some troubles in the past, and we assume it is a complications of what she was dealing with in her body and also a possible overdose. So it is very sad uh because we're never gonna get the the true answers. Um, and I think I just feel guilty a little bit of the fact that like I have all these tools and I could help her, you know, if if she was ready, obviously. And that's not my choice and that's not her path, which is very hard to admit and very hard to come to that reality. Um and I think that is something that still comes up, but I'm definitely not as emotional about it as I was in the beginning, but I just kept going back to it, like, I wish we could help. Like, why didn't she reach out? You know? Yeah. It's really hard.

SPEAKER_00 5:18

Yeah, and I think with anything like this, especially when it comes to addiction, and this is a disease, and that's what I was telling you. Like, this is a disease, and as much as we want to help somebody who's an addict, and I have a lot of experience with it as well as well in my life and my family. I come from a family of addicts, and the hardest part is like really wanting to shake them and being like, why don't you let me help you? Like, I have the answers, like, come on. And it's just like this almost like this this powerlessness of like, yeah, I know I could help you, but they have to want them set want to help themselves. And the sad part about it is addiction is so loud. And even if you haven't dealt with addiction, it's one of those things where you didn't grow up thinking you were gonna want to be addicted to drugs one day, and it happens in the way that we're numbing our emotions, or maybe we're hanging out with the wrong person, and that feeling feels really good. It starts out innocent most of the time. Um, and then it gets to like, oh, wait a minute, I can escape with this thing that makes me check out of reality. And then it just comes a way of numbing our emotions. And so, you know, what we have to understand is so much is that it is a disease, and as much as you wanted to help her, and I recently just lost my best friend of 20 years uh to addiction. And it it is one of those things where no matter what we say or how we say it or how many times we give them the tools, like they're still gonna choose what they're going to choose, and unless they choose themselves, and we can't force them into that, no matter how much we can. So I would love to know where you feel you are on the scale of like forgiving yourself for not showing up the way that you feel like you could have.

SPEAKER_01 7:02

Yeah. I definitely did work through this a little bit already. So and I did write myself a little forgiveness letter because you did suggest this to me. Um and that did feel good. It was still tough to write because obviously we just you just keep replaying everything in your mind.

SPEAKER_00 7:31

Yeah. And you know, with this, or with anybody passing, it doesn't matter if it's from addiction or a car accident or something like that, where there's gonna be guilt. There's gonna be like I my mom too, when she's getting in these, she's been getting in some accidents, and I'm even me, like I'm not even in the car with them. And I'm like, wait a minute, how can I change it? Right. So it's it's so normal for us to feel these emotions. And I think the best thing that we can do for ourselves is not shame it, right? And I know you know this, and I know you're not shaming your emotions, but if anybody's out there listening, like meeting yourself with so much grace and being like, yeah, actually, I'm supposed to be feeling all these emotions right now.

SPEAKER_01 8:07

Yeah, for sure. And I think, you know, obviously there's a range and I'm not done, you know, or anything like that. And that's where like I just keep saying, like, I know I'm just gonna feel the wave as it comes. Yes, beautiful. We shared this before on the podcast, and you know, emotions are just energy emotion, like it needs to be felt through, and it really doesn't last long in the body. Um, you know, and that's where we we don't want to get stuck and we don't want to like, you know, obviously from past experiences and learnings, it's like you don't want to stay in the low vibration, but like honestly, feeling these emotions and feeling the sadness and feeling it fully, um, it's really how the body becomes safer with feeling. Yeah. And it really allows you to not get better necessarily. I mean, yes, get better with feeling the emotions, but never like, oh, I never have to feel sadness again, or I never have to, you know, do this. It's just your body's way of communicating, like what's real in real time. And I think that's where I'm at right now, like with leaning into this, because I've never had such an unexpected loss of someone that was so young.

unknown 9:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 9:19

That's a public that I've been close with. And and me and my boyfriend have only been together for like three and a half years, and you know, and I of course might not have never known her before that. And we're also very grateful that we've had this three and a half years with her because there was a moment in the very beginning of our relationship where she might not have made it. And it was very close to like they were like, she's not gonna make it, and she did. So we're very grateful uh for the time we had. And of course, we know it wasn't on purpose, and that's what sucks as well, is that it, you know, it takes one time and it and whatever else was going on, it just it just sucks because you're just going through of like, you know, why didn't she reach out? And yeah, the forgiveness piece is is such a huge one and having grace with knowing these thoughts. And I've been talking to a couple people and that are been closer with her, and I keep reminding them the same thing. It's like we all are going through the what-ifs, coulda, shoulda, woulda, you know, thing. And it just, it's natural, it's so natural to feel it's and this is doesn't even have to be with somebody that you lost, it's it's with everyday stuffy, like you know, like literally I should have said that. And even uh with a friendship, you know, I've we've both both of us have agreed some friendships over the couple last couple of years where it's like that can be a loss too. And it's like, well, what it I should have, you know, whatever, did something. And it's like, you know, of course, it's just knowing our healing tools, and I think that's the heaviest thing is just like I, you know, we were me and her were gonna do like her birth chart, you know, and then um her birthday just passed with her with her younger daughters, and like we were gonna celebrate together. And so, like, those are the moments that are weighing the heaviest on me of you know, like wish we just had a little more time.

SPEAKER_00 11:08

Yeah. And I just want to reiterate, like you said, it's part of the process to feel everything and to go through and replay all of the things you could have done and replaying the tape, and you know, so like you said though, and it doesn't matter if it's like maybe well, it could be so many things that we're grieving, right? It's not always just death, like you said, it's friendships and all this. And what really I want to bring you back to is like how how can we come back to your truth? And the truth is that you were showing up in your highest alignment, and maybe you know, we we could have done more, we could have said more, but we are not in control of fate, and we are not in control of what other people's soul contracts already were, and so how can you lean into more of that? Like this is actually what was on her path, and how amazing that her soul is not in pain anymore because she was deep in her addiction and she was in a lot of pain, and she was coping with that, and you know, being able to to know that she's in peace now.

SPEAKER_01 12:08

Yeah, I think that is definitely a relief that she is finally hopefully at peace, you know, at least you would assume so. Um we know that um for for this, of course, she left her her girls. So I we know that she could be also experiencing that loss on the other side, and that she's not able to be here and she feels guilty, and you know, she's also going through the emotions, I'm sure, as a soul, or yeah, reviewing her life and being like, wow, why did I do that? Um but you know, I think um it definitely I feel like because I am so deep into the spiritual practices uh that we both love and know, like oracle cards, I've been pulling them every day, and they're just also always so conf confirming. Today I literally pulled the card signs and reminders, so I'm like, okay. Um I've been seeing numbers like crazy, um, angel numbers, and I think also we've gotten a few signs from her already, which is definitely comforting because she had quite of quite a sense of humor that's a little bit dark, but she's you know, she's funny, and and you just know some of the signs, just like, yep, she's laughing on the other side, you know, from this. But I think uh because I know that world and I believe that we will always have a connection as a soul to her, um, that she's never truly like, you know, quote unquote gone, just just in the physical world. Um, it does put me at ease. It does put me at ease that you know I can all I can now she's a guardian angel. Now she's, you know, around to help support us. She's around to um be there for us and and guide us even more. Um as much as it sucks that she's not in the physical world. And um, my truth is that. My truth is that we never fully lose the people that we're meant to meet in our soul life, you know, especially our loved ones and friends and family that we love dearly. Like if you have a connection with them in the physical world, I truly believe you will have a connection with them on the other side. And of course, since I'm um, I've always been obsessed with the intuition and being a medium and psychic and like so intrigued with that world and and that we all have, you know, intuitive senses, psychic senses. I truly believe with the signs and reminders that you always do receive what you need when you need it. So whether it's from her or from another, you know, past loved one or just my angels and guides in general, yeah. I do believe that they're here to support me on this path. And I do believe that as harsh of a reality this is, that I I can't change it. And it's just gonna fuel me for what I need to do. It's like a little bit of pushing me on the right path as well, because now I get to feel my feelings.

SPEAKER_00 15:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 15:11

Deeper than maybe I've, you know, maybe I've been avoiding a little bit. Um and now I get to be like, well, you know what? I maybe I couldn't have helped her in the way that I would like to, but I can help somebody else. Yeah. You know, it's like we can pay it forward. And, you know, um, my boyfriend has we both have big dreams. We both have big dreams. We just did a whole 20 Robins weekend, and it's like it already helped us build the solid foundation of what we wanted to and and our goals and and everything like that. And now this is like life's just shifted even more now. It's like our why is just becoming more solidified because of this. Because it's like we don't want to life is just so short. You really don't know your deadline ever. So it's like, why why the hell are we not living life? Why are we focusing on things that don't matter? You know, like and I and a big reality check too for me is I definitely can hold on to things, physical things, and I'm just like, why am I holding on to so much stuff? You're not taking it with you, you know, and like yeah, I think it's just puts obviously things into perspective and um it helps to remind you of the priorities of what you truly value in life, and I think that is a wake-up call, as always, um, no matter how harsh the reality is. And I definitely am feeling into that truth more and more and just allowing myself to talk about it and feel into it, and and that's all I can do. That's all I can do.

SPEAKER_00 16:43

Well, I want to reflect back to you of how much you already have integrated and process and work through in just this week. And that's because you've been doing this work, it's because you've been showing up and doing the practices and getting coaching and you know, doing the things that you know are gonna fill up your cup, but that's because you've already had a really strong foundation. And so as you're going through all this and processing, and it's such a beautiful thing for us to process because a lot of people don't actually cry and they don't actually let their emotions come up, they just stuff it down and they think a better thinking thought or they start keeping their business or their schedule really busy and not actually processing that. And as we know, that can come out as sickness later on in life. And so I just want to reflect on how beautiful of a job that you're doing. And even though it's hard and it's sticky right now and all the emotions are coming up, you're doing such an amazing job. So giving yourself some credit and what a blessing that your partner and his son and all the girl, the girls that she left behind are all gonna have your support and your wisdom, and they manifested you in their life, and there's something to say to be proud about that. And like you said, the paying it forward is such a big thing, and you're going to be as you step up into you know, those the role of that of those girls, right? And you know, them not having a mother and you being able to be that in their lives and really like stepping up even more than you ever expected before because now you have more purpose. So yeah, it's so amazing that you have been able to come so far in this week. And so I just want to reflect that back to you.

SPEAKER_01 18:19

Thank you. No, I appreciate that. I think that's that's a what I keep coming to of like, you know, I think paying it for just feels really good because obviously we know we're all human, not not every day is perfect. So as much as you know, this this season is a little heavier, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter what you're going through. It could be as big as this or as little as, you know, someone cut you off and you're pissed off at it. Like it doesn't matter. It's just everyone's human, you know, and it's it's leaning onto those those values and the things that I truly believe in that people, you know, what am I looking at? Like, you know, I can choose to look at a lens of like you're a victim and you know whatever things suck and you know life's never gonna be the same and you know, which it won't be, but I can choose something differently. Like, how do I spread my light more? How do I help other people? And and obviously I've been going through coming back to my my business of of posting more and and putting myself out the door out there, and it's like I I it is pushing me in that direction even more, even though I was, you know, starting to be on that path again. It's like I I again, like you said, like I have that purpose now, I have that pull of being like, no, I can't sit back anymore. Like I people need to know these tools, people need to know that they're not alone, you know, and it's like I feel like I um I think I was telling you, like, even just being here for my boyfriend and his family, like obviously I've only known her for a couple years, but they've experienced many versions of her, and and you know, they've been she's been in the life for forever for him, you know, like because she he was they had a little bit of an age difference when but he remembers the moment that she was that her his mom was pregnant with her. Like it's like it's tough, and and I'm just grateful that I can be that support, you know, for them as they go through this. And I believe that is part of my soul lesson, and like part of my soul path is is supporting people in this stuff as and no matter how heavy it is. And you know, like we've been he's been going through some seasons lately, and uh, you know, it's like we just have to keep going back to the purpose. We have to keep coming back to like things will pass, everything's you know, a little more temporary, and what truly matters is really at the end of the day, that's all that matters.

SPEAKER_00 20:51

Yeah. So my invitation and question for you is what is it that Lisa actually needs? Because she is supporting so many people around her. What are some of the things that you can step into to to make sure that you are also processing and filling your cup up at the same time?

SPEAKER_01 21:06

Yeah, so good. And I have been reflecting on this, and um I'm it this week, of course, it's so fresh. So I haven't been able to do everything that like, you know, I'm ready to do, but I know I definitely am reflecting of like, you know, once I'm a little bit my both my feet back on the ground and we kind of are like through this a little bit more, it's it is finding the joy, finding the joy in life and and um, you know, figuring that out, stop putting things off, you know, that truly matter. And I think a big thing is I do want to come back to like going to a class per week, whether that's a dance class or another yoga class. I was talking to a friend about she goes to like a studio with Pilates and yoga that's hot, hot Pilates and yoga. And I'm like, okay, let me get around people that are into the same stuff, you know, like that are doing things healthy because definitely trying to stay on that healthy path, definitely trying to be positive in. Of course, I'll meet people that are in the same or similar mindset that I am, you know, that love those things and just want to be healthy and want to do things for themselves and fuel their body in the best way. Um, and of course, you know, just making time for the people that matter is the other thing, of course, and just like doing things more fun. Like I like I think this week too obviously taught me, um, and I'm so grateful that I have a job that can be flexible and that understands what we're going through because I wouldn't I would not be able to survive this week if it wasn't for that. Like, you know, it's the the heaviness of having a regular job on top of this is so heavy.

SPEAKER_00 22:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 22:41

And like, you know, not knowing where bills are coming, like, you know, the payments and and all that stuff. And I'm just so grateful that I have that on top. So it's like it just solidifies like I'm in the right place for this right now. Like, do I wish things were a little differently? Of course. Who doesn't? But um, I think just knowing like I can take off whenever I can take care of myself whenever. Um, and and just planning those things, you know, like I I I've always wanted the flexibility. So it's like, okay, how do I make that flexibility even more for myself moving forward? And I think that's a big thing that like I'm going to be working on of like, what does my future look like? What do I actually want? Like, how what what did my schedule look like, you know? And I think moving forward, it's it's learning and leaning into like what do what truly makes me happy and truly brings me joy. Like, like you said, like how do I fill my cup up every day? And obviously, you know, because if you're not filling up your cup, you're not able to be the best version of you. Um, and of course, I've been really working hard on my like morning routine and feeling good about myself. So, like, that's pretty solid for me right now. So I'm I've been pretty good with that. Um, but I think it's the rest of the day. It's like, how do I stay, you know, how do I stay on this um path? Um, and like after work, you know, it's like, how do I uh, you know, lift my spirits up in the way that feels good to me, you know? And I I feel like this week it's kind of like I've been realizing like I just need to be outside for a little bit longer. Like now that's getting nice out. It's like I've been bringing my laptop outside to work. And then it's like just getting out of the house, going to the park, um, you know, taking your ride wherever. And it's just like get out of the house, because I work most I work from home. So it's like, get out of the house, like go socialize for for a little bit. Like, or I had a couple friends over, and that was like so nourishing for me. Like, um, so it's like definitely realizing like, okay, how can I keep this up? Because that's what matters.

SPEAKER_00 24:44

So I'm really hearing you say is simple, simple, easy things that you can do every day to just even if it's one thing, even if it's five minutes, even if it's just walking outside or on the block, even if it's just sitting for meditation or journaling for five minutes, right? So it's like really nourishing throughout the day as well. And I think it's easy for us to we're working, but we can also be thinking about something else. And then so we're spiraling spiraling. I should have done this, I could have done this, and like in that moment, you're gonna have to choose to focus on like what is the positive polarity of it, um, the duality, right? And it's like, okay, there are, you know, it's there's sickness and sadness and death and you know, everything that we're going through, and there's also all this beautiful life that is coming to us. And how can we tap into both of it and allow yourself to feel and also um, you know, work through those emotions in the appropriate times, right? Because I think with the grief too, it can hit us at any time. And there's no timeline on grief. And I know there's a saying of, you know, time heals all. And I in relationships, I would say, yes, like in your when you're breaking up or whatever that is. But when it comes to losing people that are so close to us, I don't really think that that is a true statement, right? Because there's gonna be times where we feel that like deep sadness and grief, and it can be out of nowhere, and it can be at any moment. And I'm not an expert at grief at all. I just I've had some deaths happen recently over the last few years for me as well, like my best friend. And then some really tragic um deaths as well in my life where it's just really puts things in perspective of like, whoa, anything can happen at any moment. And it's like, where are we sitting on our dreams? Where are we sitting on the I'll do it tomorrow's or I'm not gonna do it now because I'm feeling lazy? And it's like, no, actually, like, how can I use this as fuel for my mission, right? Turning that pain into your purpose. And you're already doing that, which is so beautiful. You're like, okay, I'm gonna step it up more, I'm gonna do go harder, and I'm gonna show up even bigger and better and bolder. And it's like, wow, okay. So, yes, such a tragic thing that happened is actually now fueling beautiful things that happen in the world, and so that's such a big gift if we allow that to be in the process of change and grief and pain and loss and all the things that come for us.

SPEAKER_01 26:58

Yeah, no, I think, and that's where, you know, just reminding yourself as much as whatever you've gone through in life, it life is a gift, you know. That's that's it at the end of the day. And it's like, are you truly enjoying it or are you stuck in, you know, of a negative mindset and and you know, staying in survival? Like life isn't meant for us to just, you know, that the quote or whatever, just pay bills and die. Like, you know, like life is not meant for that. Like, and I think, you know, this is obviously a wake-up call for that of being like, you know, what are we doing? What the hell are we doing right in life? Like, why are we not freaking enjoying it? And uh yeah, I think that'll be shifting a lot for us.

SPEAKER_00 27:40

Another thing that's coming to mind right now is actually forgiveness for her, right? Because there's some like anger of like, why didn't you get more help? Why did you do this? You know, there's all that like almost this blame, I think, when it comes to addiction too. Because I know personally I missed my best friend's call the night before she passed away. And so it's like, oh, if I would have just answered it, because there's so many times that I have walked her off the ledge. I met her in recovery, and so uh she just struggled with addiction so much for the 20 years that I know her. But at the end of the day, I have to trust that this was her path, regardless of what I think I could have changed in that moment and still showing up and being the person that I know she wanted me to be too, right? Like I know she had so many dreams for me and she cared about me so much. And it's like, okay, even though I'm like hurting and I'm sad, I am still able to show up and and and be a productive member of society, regardless of like how much I may be hurting, right? And so um, yeah, it's it's just addiction is affects millions of people, right? It doesn't just affect the person that is in the disease, it affects everybody in their lives, and it's a ripple effect, and millions of people are dealing with this disease every day at every moment, and that is the fact and reality that we live in on this earthly plane.

SPEAKER_01 28:57

Yeah. Yeah, it's just yeah, it's again, it's it's not our path, you know. Like it's yeah, uh it doesn't affect, I mean, it affects us, you know, obviously, but it's not our our soul's path, and and it's it's their learning, you know, not ours. And and obviously it sucks to have to admit that and and realize that. But again, like you said, like having forgiveness for her a hundred percent, like through this because it just I'm sure that like she's you know not you know, quote unquote happy on the other side because it's so hard, you know, like to realize what happened. And you know, even as a soul and even as her reflecting on her own life, like it's tough, it's tough. And there's just, you know, you just have to and and that's I mean, it sucks because life just goes on in the physical world.

SPEAKER_00 30:02

Yep. That's a dark reality. I think after somebody a big loss like that, you're like, whoa, everybody's still getting up and everything, like everything's normal, but my whole world is crumbled.

SPEAKER_01 30:12

Yeah. It's like I kept trying every day to like get back to a normal quote unquote work day. Like I work from home, so like I'm I'll be able to do it, no problem. But no, it's like one day, Monday after we found out, I couldn't do it. I just lost it. And I thought I was okay on Sunday, and I was like, Yeah, I'll be okay to work for a couple hours, maybe not a full day, but like I could not even log on. I like it was it was really hard, and I was like, wow, like this is really hitting me. Yeah and then it was like the next day because I released a lot, you know, and I I gave myself space to feel, I gave myself compassion. I of course had um the boys here, um, and they supported me, you know, as I was feeling it all. And and um then Tuesday I was like, okay, I feel a little better. And I was a little more in a better mindset, and and I was able to do some work. And then the last the last couple of days again, like same thing. It was like I just can't, I couldn't stay focused. And I'm just like, wow, this is a lot harder than I expected. Yeah, because you're just so you're, you know, we're so used to pushing through things. We're so used to put it off and you're fine and da-da-da. Like, you know, and I'm just like, I can push through it and I can help work. Cause then of course, at the same time, I'm feeling bad, like I'm not there helping with work, you know, and help and putting it all on them. But at the same time, they have a lot of grace for me and a lot of compassion. And I'm so lucky for that because I do get to have that space, you know, and it's like, uh, I'm gonna, you know, hop on later and I'll let you know, and I'll help out with what I can. And they just have been taking things off my plate, but obviously if I can help out, great. Yeah. And it's been so nice to have that. Like, I'm just like, wow, people can operate like this too. Like, you know, like it's like uh giving yourself the space to heal and to feel. Um, and and I've been feeling just like, you know, I need to get out of the house for a bit, and you know, and that's been helpful. And I don't know what next week's gonna bring because we are we're not having the service till next week. So more can come up or I could be feeling, you know, more neutral, you know, but obviously it's gonna be the same thing, it's gonna be waves, it's gonna be in and out of it. And I just have to really honor my body for feeling feeling everything, whether it's my emotion or everyone else's emotion, because that also is a thing. Um where you know, who knows if if who knows what can happen. And and I think I have been doing a good job with feeling things more over this week. Um, and I am really proud of myself for that because I do have this space. So I'm like, I need to feel it right now. Because a lot of times, you know, I am definitely the the productive one where I'm like, nope, I can feel it later and I can do it later and you know I'm fine and whatever, but I'm really allowing myself to feel it all. Um and I think that's that's what life's about. It's about feeling the everything, you know, seeing we have that polarity, we have the you know, the black and white and the sad and happy, you know, you have it's like whatever that's saying, I can think of it off the top of my head, but like you can't was it it's better to love than uh it's better to have lost love than you know. Yeah, there you go. That one.

SPEAKER_00 33:39

I think too, you know, it can be scary for a lot of people and some of you who may be listening to think about feeling your emotions. I know, especially for the older generations or like don't know how to feel their emotions, and it's scary. And if you do need support with that, I highly recommend you reach out to Lisa and I for going through something and you're like, how can I feel this emotion and what support do I need? We'd love to give that to you. Um, it is incredibly powerful to be held in a space like this with somebody who knows how to work through the emotions and give you what you need in those moments. There's something so special about it. Um, but the another thing I wanted to touch touch on that I heard you say, and it's a societal conditioning and it's the guilt of like, I can't take time off work, I need to be there, I need to help. And we've been conditioned from a very young age that you can't miss school and you have to be there and you have to make up your work and all this stuff, and then you get to corporate and you get to, you know, you were working for a restaurant for a long time, right? So then there's like this guilt, if I'm not there, then I'm not gonna be able to cover my shift and stuff. And so I just want to bring awareness to that. It always ends up working out, regardless if we showed up or not. Like the people, it gets done, the work gets done. And so having a little bit more grace for yourself and that, like not feeling guilty. And you know, if anybody's out there going through something similar, it's like, oh, actually, I get to give myself a whole lot of grace because if somebody else was out and had something happen like this, I would pick up the phone and work five extra hours if I needed to, right? We are those types of people, and so to remember that too, that it's such a beautiful gift to have the support and to have the space, and also they'll figure it out. Just like any like corporate job, you you you leave, they're gonna figure it out, they're gonna replace you, right? And so it's really coming back to that truth of I will be supported if I continue to show up for myself in the way that I know that I need to.

SPEAKER_01 35:34

Yeah. And I think with with you saying that too, like bringing up the fact that you shared already earlier, but like whatever emotions you don't feel now become a disease. Like it it fessors in your body, and your body is literally constantly remind like communicating with you. So whenever you're not feeling something, it is going to push you into a physical ailment. And this could be resentment, it could be guilt, it could be sadness, it could be so many different things, shame, like so many anger, it could be so many different things. And obviously, grief can have many layers and many levels. So I know this, and I know that feeling myself in the moment and and allowing myself to cry, to get annoyed. I I like screamed in my car the other day, like, you know, or I just let out like a big sound and like just like I'm gonna go until I don't have air left. Like, and it's just like, you know, as much as that's uncomfortable still, even though I know it works, it's so uncomfortable sometimes. It's so uncomfortable to cry in front of other people, but like you're healing yourself and you're healing other people when you feel when you allow yourself to be vulnerable and allow yourself to be in those moments of full grief, of full emotion, because your body is literally gonna thank you afterwards, and you're not you don't have to hold on to them because I know I definitely have have done that, and um, if you're ever interested, The Body Keeps the Score, of course, is a great, great book um to really understand that. We also have a couple books by Louise Hay is um You Can Heal Your Life and You Can Heal Your Body that really talks about like the emotional things that will uh confess her into physical ailments and and some affirmations for that. And of course, I always forget the one that we both have that so like language of the body, yeah. The language of the body. That's another book that also has some really great understanding of how to heal uh through emotions, because a lot of physical things become uh disease in the body. We're not meant to hold everything in, we're not meant to not share it, we're not meant to like you know, be open about it. Like, and I think that's what this purpose is right now, is that uh I'm just sharing things that are coming up because and especially with this conversation on our podcast, like uh it is about the healing part, the uncomfortable part. Um, because again, like uh what me and Desi believe is that, and of course you can add to it, but we definitely believe that uh all of our sicknesses and all of the things that we uh go through through life is normally an emotional uh situation attached to it. There is a trigger, there's a wound, there's something that we need to work through. And if you don't know, you know, what to do, it's that's where we lean on. We lean on other sources and other books and and our each other, like just talking about it instead of holding it in, um, really allows you to be expressive to really allows you to be free in whatever way. And and I think that's what I'm learning through this as well, is like really, really being allowed to be expressed, express the emotion and whatever it feels to come out. Like I'm definitely not like one to to yell, but I know I'm gonna need to yell you know, during this process, and I have to allow myself to do that.

SPEAKER_00 39:06

Yeah, yeah, no, that's beautiful. I would love to open up the Akashic Records, like we talked about, and see if we can if you want to ask any questions. And for those of you who don't know what the Akashic Records are, this is your soul's vibrational blueprint of all past, present, future timelines. And so I will say a prayer and I will open up Lisa's specific Akashic Records, and then once we have those open, she can ask questions. Um, so if we want to do that, we can uh go ahead and open up the Akasha. So I will go ahead and start. I open the records in love. I open the records in light. I open the records for the greatest good of all. I invite all Akashic beings, angels, guides, masters, and teachers of Lisa to be here now. I ask all for all guidance, all knowing and all truth to be here for Lisa. I ask that a channel of connection be open of love, light, and healing to flow from the Akasha to Lisa now. The records are open in love. The records are open in light, the records are open for the greatest good of all. Beautiful. So if you have any questions, we can go ahead and ask the Akasha.

SPEAKER_01 40:28

Um my biggest thing, I think, you know, just like you were saying about filling up my cup is like what is the thing that I need to lean into about filling up my cup?

SPEAKER_00 40:43

I am seeing the word play. Um, like big, bold, fun, like play. Um, and then yeah, they're they're confirming nature for sure is gonna be a big one. Um, but they're also showing me like you nestled up in a like um a blanket and like with tea and just like really feeling your emotions and having that space. And also they're asking for invitation. I don't know how your partner um how they're processing it, but also maybe bringing them into the process as well and giving them a safe space to to feel and and to heal and and to let their emotions like really go through. Um yeah, because I'm I'm seeing like you're almost in the center of like a lot of what's happening, and then like you know, the people around you are almost like subconsciously looking to you for guidance. Yeah, not to put pressure or anything, not but you've already been handling it so well. So they're just really reaffirming that you are doing such an amazing job, and yeah, I'm really showing like an opening for you and and for you guys, like really like this next level, even though this is like so hard, but really turning that pain into like going so strong after your goals and like tenacity after all the things that you have desire, like there's no more excuses because you it's been put in such a clear perspective for you.

SPEAKER_01 42:11

Yeah, I no, definitely feel that. Like I've been um ever since we did a Tony Robbins event, me and Steve did like the last day is like all about health. And I think I share with you, like we did like this health challenge because that's what they recommend. And ever since then it was like we were doing so good and like everything's been just feeling so good, like we're not like leaning on coffee and caffeine all day. Like, of course, this week was a little bit different, but still like we're we're trying not to go back to those bad habits, right? Yeah, and because we've been like revamping and really getting solid on like what our purpose is and and you know our our why and everything like that, it's like this is I'm just like wow, like thank God we did that before this happened. Because it's like we get so fuel fueled and filled up by like personal growth and like leaning into like what is our vision and and our our priorities and like really making shit happen because we both know that we are meant for more. Yeah, and we're like it's go time. Like now it's like we needed to we needed to pause, of course, but like it's go time, like this is why we're fucking doing this. Because, and I'm sorry if for anybody that's listening and doesn't love the curse words, I mean it may happen. Um, because I get fired up about this stuff. It's like, are you kidding, like, you know, like and and me and you have obviously obviously been on this journey for years now, too, and you know my journey where I've been up and down and up and down, and and it's like I finally am really believing in myself. And I'm like, I have so much to share, and this is my pool lately. And I'm like, wow, I I need to stop keeping it on myself, essentially, you know, like not that I do, but I just I'm like, wow, like this is really going to solidify. Our purpose and doing things in the way like I I would eventually we would love to, I'm sure, do stuff together in this way. Like I know he has big dreams about helping other people in so many different ways. And we both can definitely marry them eventually and like allow ourselves to really help people in so many different ways. Cause this is unfortunately a big part of his life as well. Um, not just his his sister, but his mom and a couple of other people in his life. And you know, we just want to help people, we want to help people feel good, we want to help people feel loved, and we want to help people that like know that there's a different way. Yeah. So I think obviously filling up our cup and really taking him along with me is a big thing.

SPEAKER_00 44:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 44:45

He's a he's a big guy, and you know, as much as you know, he wants to be tough, yeah, still got a feel too.

SPEAKER_00 44:51

Yeah, definitely. Getting away from that, you know, you're with me for a reason.

SPEAKER_01 44:56

Yeah, yeah. Yep, yep. I help soften his heart a little bit. So I think, you know, helping him learn to feel his feelings because again, he's had to wear, yeah, you know, he's had to have this tough armor because he had to be the strong one for everyone. And it's not really letting down now, of course, but I can be the person for him to be like, you know, I I'm gonna teach you to be soft but strong. Amen. So yeah, I know I appreciate all of that because that's definitely validation because play is a big one for me. We actually went last Saturday to the trampoline park um with the girls because it was one of the girls' birthday, and that's why this is also very hard because it's something that we couldn't tell them in the moment, um, because we didn't want to, you know, tint the day exactly. Um, but I was like, I'm going on the trampolines. I need this, I think. Yeah. Uh me and Mason went on the trampolines and the girls weren't there yet, so they're running late. So I was like, I think I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go. And I never I never did that. And I definitely have a little fear of like jumping off and getting hurt and stuff like that. But no, of course. Of course, but he's like taking me through the obstacles, and this one's like a pretty big one, and it's newer, so like it's really cool. Nice. And I was like, I definitely want to come back and do more of that because I'm like, why can't I jump with these kids and like you know, be a kid? Because it just was so nice to like be in the moment and and feel like I'm having fun and and the play is definitely a big one. Tea has been such a I mean, nature has definitely been a big one for me too. Like getting out, we have a park that's like pretty big and it just feels so spacious and like uh the nicer days, obviously. But like just being outside, it's like thank god the weather's getting warmer because I need that more right now, too.

SPEAKER_00 46:44

Yeah, for those of you who don't know, Lisa is in New Jersey. I don't know if we said that, so she's not in the sunsigned state like I am in Arizona. So but play is such a big part of our journey. And we as adults forgot how to play, and we think that play is something that people that have extra time on their hand do, but actually, play is an intentional thing that we have to do as adults, and there's so much healing when we let our guards down and we connect with our inner child through play. There's so much that can be created in that space as well and healed and just to let go of all the adult things that we have to do day in and day out to be able to connect to play. So that is something that I would recommend for everybody to do is to really get into that joy and get into that play and like get on the floor with your niece, your nephew, your kids, right? Go down the slide. Like you will see me on the slide, you will see me on the swing because I know that when I connect with my little girl like that, and as you're experiencing as well in this like deep darkness, it's like, oh, I can still find the joy even in the darkness.

SPEAKER_01 47:47

Yeah, so true. Yeah, like I I'm like now. I'm like, oh my god, we have to have the girls over and do like a movie night and make ice cream, like ice cream sundaes, and like, you know, it's like like uh you know, we get to do those things and and obviously we are, you know, again, it's just like don't forget to play, don't forget to have fun. Like, you know, obviously, like we're adults and we think of to be serious all the time, but it's not. And you know, I I I that's definitely a big lesson for me in the last couple years. Um, so being that reminder is so helpful to keep playing and and you know, like we both know is and of course with your work in a child, it's we're all just still kids. You know, we're all like no one knows what the hell they're doing. No one just grows up and got handed a booklet of like no one literally and knows what they're doing. Like there's no booklet for anyone's life. Right and I'm just like, we're and we're just we're just little kids, like in this grown body now. Just like, yeah, you know, and it's funny to think back like of your your your parents and of like how do they do this? Like they didn't know what they were doing, like they they just why we're feeling all that trauma, yeah. And it's just you know, it's funny to think of those things and I think back and be like, let's just have grace for ourselves today because no one knows what they're doing, right? You know, and it's just like we're just showing up to life every day, you know, and uh just being grateful for that. But I think yeah, I'm gonna say uh with my partner and Mason, um, Steve and Mason, just like how else can I support them through this and and be, you know, be their solid person, I guess, and help them heal.

SPEAKER_00 49:38

Yeah. What I'm seeing is more hugs, more connection, um, and like touch that that physical touch um is what I'm seeing as well. And I feel like Steve is is he a physical like touch type of person? Like, is his language language love language at all that? Yeah, it's definitely one of them. One of them. Okay, yeah. Yeah. Um, so I'm seeing that, but I'm also like seeing like, you know, like checking in with them um for the next like couple of weeks to like, hey, how are you feeling? Um and they're saying that not to take on too much a role because things will happen naturally. Um, but that you could, you know, ask, like, how are you feeling today? Do you need any any support? Um would be helpful for them. Um, but also not to overwhelm you either. So to make sure that you're actually well resourced before you're asking others. So we can go back to what you were saying earlier of like if you're giving from an empty cup, then you're not your best version of yourself, right? So um see if there's anything else coming through that. Yeah, what they were just reminding you is that they're gonna have their own process and to really allow that to happen. Um, yeah, and and and knowing that they will be on that journey for for a little bit.

SPEAKER_01 50:56

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think it's just yeah, that makes sense, of course. Everything that you share to help them with and because it's definitely them that they just hugs and connection and like quality time is a big one for both of them. Yeah. So I think making sure we're doing that each week will be really helpful, and that's why I think like I was kind of mentioning to Steve, like, we should try to get the girls maybe once a week or at least every other week, yeah, you know, and just like really do things with them because like I I think it's gonna heal us all. Um and obviously we have Mason every other week for the every weekend for the most part, so um I think it'll be really good for him because he always wants to see them and and even pop up, of course, that you know, he needs it too. He wants to see them all the time, and he's definitely crushed too, as well. So yeah.

SPEAKER_00 52:04

Um and I know for me a lot of or what's coming through right now is like, you know, keeping their memories alive and and keeping their legit like not the legacy, but like their memory of like, you know, like you know, their birthdays and you know, making that still special. And you know, Mother's Day is coming up too, which is a tough one, you know, with um kids, you know, they don't really understand the death thing, and it's especially because they're so young, but you know, just kids in general, it's still such a like big thing, like wow, you know, to be able to like never see somebody again. I I still feel like that. But for kids, it's it is definitely different that their little brains are processing.

SPEAKER_01 52:47

Yeah, that's so true. Yeah, I think we just have to keep, you know, like keep moving forward. And last night, like I obviously it's Easter this weekend, and um I was like, I just need to do something for them. Like, like let's go out and like get some Easter baskets and you know, try to do something for them, and like, you know, the obviously again they're they're processing a little bit differently and not fully understanding yet. Right. So it's like, you know, like hopefully we'll see them tomorrow, or we can try to like see if if their their dad doesn't have any plans, so we can hopefully see them and like do something nice for them because I think that's gonna be a big part of our why. And like, you know, let's just focus on those things, focus on like, you know, doing the small things for them and seeing them whenever we can and like planning things and because that's what life's about, you know. Again, going back to that, it's like it's just gonna change our priorities and be like, no, we need to see them. Like, yeah, that's that's a big part of for for all of us. So yeah, yeah. So good. We've covered so much. I know we did.

SPEAKER_00 53:57

How are you feeling now?

SPEAKER_01 53:59

I definitely am feeling good. Um of course I could just keep going with this conversation because it's just you know so much, but I definitely feel really good right now because it I I always like to have a confirmation. So of course the Akasha really gives you that confirmation from whatever you're feeling and my intuition and you know what I what I already know. Just, you know, sometimes it's a really good reminder to be like, oh yeah, that's right. That's what I need to do, or that's what I need to lean into right now. Because again, it's like how like I don't wanna be putting too much pressure on myself. Yes. And I don't want to I also want to help everybody around me right now, you know, because I know I know that I can be helpful and be a stronger one and and also like help them heal. Um, I think that's my biggest thing is like I think that's why I'm here. Like a big part of it is just like how can I help and how can I not remote myself?

SPEAKER_00 55:01

What's coming through uh through the Akasha right now? Because I'm kind of asking the question, like, what is it that you need to know and what am I seeing? And have you guys talked about any like grief counseling for Steve or for the girls or for Mason?

SPEAKER_01 55:14

Um, the girls I'm pretty sure they are already talking about putting them into something.

SPEAKER_00 55:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 55:21

Um I don't so yes and no for Mason. Mason's definitely does not respond well to it. Okay. Um he doesn't want to talk to a stranger because they've they've tried therapy a little bit before. Um but he's really leaning into his faith. Um Yeah, so he has a youth pastor that like he really enjoys. So we're trying to get him to uh express what he needs to. Yeah. Um because he was also just going through a different situation that we was a really tough situation personally for him with school. So things are looking up for him. Um, but also he still needs to go through some stuff. Yeah. And obviously with this on top of it, doesn't, you know, necessarily take everything else away. Um, so we're hoping that he will take the opportunity and and try it.

SPEAKER_00 56:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 56:16

Um, but again, it might not be right now, it might be down the line. Um, and then with Steve, I'm not sure.

SPEAKER_00 56:22

Um it's it's a little resistance there. Yeah. Well, we'll send out like good good vibes and you know, when he's ready for it, like having that back takes some time than having that.

SPEAKER_01 56:36

Right. He did hire um a two the a coach, like a one-on-one coach through the Tony Robbins. Yeah, and like that's gonna really gonna help him. Oh, for sure. It's more for for you know, for his goals and stuff, but I think it's gonna be really helpful for him to have that focus and his corner.

SPEAKER_00 56:52

Definitely, definitely. Well, let me go ahead and close the caution unless you have anything else. I think that's it for now. I feel I feel pretty good. Feel complete. Okay. I send love, blessings, and gratitude to the caution, all beings. I close the records in love. I close the records in light. I close the records in gratitude. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Thank you so much for everybody who has tuned in and maybe going through something similar or whatever it is, we see you and we're here for support. Like I've already mentioned, please reach out to us on social medias. You know, we'll have uh ways to that we can support you and just know that you're not alone on this journey. Wherever you may be is exactly where you're supposed to be, even if it feels so heavy and so hard and so wrong, and why and all the questions and we can't understand, and knowing that that's just part of the process. Um, and you know, with if you're dealing with somebody who is in addiction, you're not alone. There is help in your area, so be sure to reach out um to your local A Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous, they have Al-Anon Anonymous, there are meetings in your area for help and there's resources. So please make sure that you are getting the help that you need and there's no shame. And the more that you can show up in your bravery, like Lisa here, to ask for help, the more you will excel at life and be able to handle the harder things that come at you. So I just wanted to make sure that we preference that as well. Yes, perfect.

SPEAKER_01 58:34

Yeah, life is, you know, life. So that's why we're here. That's why we're sharing this. And whatever you're going through, we're sending you love. Yes. And you are not alone, just like Desi said. And whether you reach out to us, whether you have someone that you can reach out to or find the support in your area, that is sometimes a really hard step to admit what you're feeling and to admit what you're going through. But we promise that it gets better when you're able to, and especially when you find the correct support for you. Um, it doesn't have to be us, but it does it just someone that you trust, someone that you can lean into and really hold you in the space that you need, that's the biggest thing that we can share too, is that like you really do need something for you because all of us need something different. Uh, whether you're talking about it with a friend and you just feel so comforted and and you know, in that way and getting some validation, or you could be, you know, talking to a stranger because that maybe that's easier. So there's so many different ways to receive support. Just try something if you need it, and if that feels a little bit of an edge, but you feel like, hmm, maybe I'm curious, lean into that curiosity. And um, we'll be definitely sharing a couple more episodes, I'm sure, around this topic and what we use for tools. So definitely stay tuned or follow or go check, see if that episode is also up. Um but we will be here. We will be here to keep talking about things that are uncomfortable and vulnerable, and we just hope that you get what you need out of these conversations. So thank you again.