Episode 10 - Why Healing Should Feel Like Play: Inner Child, Masks, & Coming Back to Joy

We've made healing feel way too heavy — and this episode is the permission slip to change that.

Lisa and Desi get into one of the most important (and most overlooked) parts of the healing journey: play. Not as a reward for doing the work, but as the work itself. Because somewhere between growing up and getting responsible, most of us stopped doing the things that made us feel most alive — and our inner child is still waiting for us to come back.

In this episode:

• Why healing isn't just shadow work and therapy — it's joy, laughter, and getting on the swings
• What your inner child actually is (hint: it's not just your five-year-old self)
• The masks we started wearing at 7-9 years old — and how they're still running the show today
• People pleasing, perfectionism, overachieving, "I don't care" — which one is yours?
• How to reparent yourself without blaming your parents
• Real talk: what happens when your inner child gets triggered at work in real time
• Simple, intentional ways to bring play back into your actual life

Journal prompts from this episode:

• What brings me genuine joy?
• When was the last time I played just for fun?
• What masks from childhood am I still wearing?

At some point, healing becomes less about fixing yourself and more about fully living your life. This episode is that reminder.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Hey y'all, this is Desi. And this is Lisa. Welcome to our podcast, Real Talk Real Healing, where we support women through their healing journey.

SPEAKER_01 0:10

Through raw stories, authentic dialogue, and uncomfortable but very necessary conversations, we explore the full range of emotions, energetic, spirituality, and physical well-being that come with being human.

SPEAKER_00 0:21

We believe in a world filled with filters and service-level messages that healing begins with truth and a little bit of magic. Hello and welcome back to another episode with Desi and Lisa. We are back sharing about play, the inner child, and healing. And we're gonna really explore why play is often missing from these healing conversations, how reconnecting with joy supports healing, and why becoming your authentic self requires meeting the needs of your inner child and not constantly just quote unquote doing the work and staying in the mind and staying in the analyzing of all the things like I do.

SPEAKER_01 1:06

This has really been such a passion of mine that has been such a huge part of the work that I'm bringing to the world. And so I'm beyond excited to dive into this conversation today. And you know, one of the things I feel I was missing from the healing space and why I've been bringing so much of this into my work, into my healing with my clients is really having the fun and the play and tapping back into that little girl. Cause when we think about inner child work, we start thinking like, oh my gosh, like what's gonna come up? And she was so hurt and she was abandoned and she was left out. And we think about all these things that are unhealed from our childhood. And so we kind of just push it off, right? And we don't want to really do that. And you know, a lot of us will and some of us won't, and this, you know, we'll dabble around with it and try to figure it out. But the biggest thing that I've realized is the healing around, you know, our hearts and our inner child is really coming back to that play and to that joy. So healing isn't always just the therapy, it's not just the shadow work or the journaling and the processing the trauma all the time. It's actually coming back to your joy, it's coming back to laughter, it's becoming back to like fun and play and going on the swings and flowing the bubbles and getting in the bounce houses with the kids. It's like that is so healing for our soul, it's so healing for our body, it's so healing for our inner child. And so really bringing that back to the healing space. I'm sure at one point maybe there was like a lot of fun and joy and play in the healing space. And I think a lot of it has like turned into like this darker shadows that we're healing. And yes, as a humanity, there are lots of things that we get to heal, you know, for ourselves and for our communities and for our family, but there's also this parts of us that come to get to come into the play and into the joy and into the creativity. And so I really believe we've made healing feel too heavy. And so that's what I love to bring in the play. And, you know, I know Lisa was in uh my last or actually my very first inner child haven. And one of the things that I know we talked about was like having the time to play and to like go outside and like actually having to like schedule it into your calendar a little bit, right? Because it's not something we're natural at, it's not something that we just go and do, it's something that we have to put a little bit of effort in. So I would love to hear a little bit about Lisa and how that experience was like bringing that into you know your daily routine or how did that look like?

SPEAKER_00 3:27

Yeah, I think um actually what comes to mind is when when you had us do like a play fort and we did like the pillow fort, you know, and and uh me and Mason, we we went under there, we watched a movie, we had snacks, it was so much fun, and we definitely both fell asleep watching the movie, but it was just like a reminder of you know being a kid again. You know, I think we as adults and of course evolved self and we think, you know, we just have to be responsible all the time. And I and I don't know about some some of the people that are listening, and I don't know if that resonates with you, but I know for me, I definitely have been like, I need to work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work. Like it's just like I, you know, there's never enough. And then I I like I'm just like I don't have enough time. Or when I when I have extra time, I'm doing healing stuff, or I'm doing other stuff that like is other hobbies instead of actually play. Like for me recently, I'm like, I need to go back to dance classes. Like I love dance as a kid, and like and it's fun that I found a place that's semi-local and it's it's uh adult dance classes. Like I get to go hip hop, I get to go to a tour class, and I'm just like, this is so much fun because you people are just so authentic and unique there, like everyone like like ever cheers everyone on, like, and it's just a different experience. And again, it's so healing because you're like, I get to have so much fun, I get to express myself in a way and not be judged for it. Like, and it's just these these little ways of being like, No, like I need to plan my I need to go to one of these once a month, you know? Like at least once a month. I wish I could go every week, but sometimes the with the schedule, like it doesn't, it's on Friday night. So I'm like, I don't love that it's on Friday nights the ones that I want to go to, but I'm like at least once a month I can do it.

SPEAKER_01 5:14

Like, because then we're having like a dance party with Steve and Mason, like oh yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_00 5:19

We do karaoke and it's like so much fun.

SPEAKER_01 5:22

Yeah, well, just the amount of endorphins that are released when we're playing and we're getting in that childlike state, and just like coming back to your it really feels like it's coming back to your center, it's coming back to like who you we actually were born in the world to be before we were told who we had to be. Yeah, and I do have to give a shout-out to my grandma because she made my childhood so magical and so special, and she literally passed away still with with stuffed animals in her bed and like inner child play and fun all the time. And she made us think that there was a cookie tree in the back of her house that every time we came over, there was cookies there because the tree made the cookies. Adorable, yeah. No, she gets better. She made us think that Tommy the turtle turtle actually traveled around to all of the cousins' tubs, and we would like there was Tommy the turtle. So we thought that like he really went through the drains and popped up. She also made us think that Casper the friendly ghost was bringing us presents and he would knock things off of the like she would knock things off of things, and you you you're young, right? You're like, oh it's Casper. Oh yeah, and she'll talk to him. Like she was just so imaginative, and so that really just brought so much of that childlike play online for me and the imagination, and then just like continuing to to tap into that over the years. So I really have to like give her a shout out. Um, she's since passed, but she just always exuberated just that childlike play and fun and really instilled that into me. And I'm just so grateful that I it's so natural to me that I can like, hey, like let's go build a fort, let's have fun. You know, it's it's really just like so easy for me. So I'm just really grateful for that.

SPEAKER_00 6:55

And I think too, with like it's a good point too about like bringing up your grandmom and stuff, because like when you go to grandparents' houses, that is like a more of a time that you do get to play, right? Like it's like they encourage, like, let's go color because they're so present, because they're like, this is my grandkid for the most part, and they're just like, right, I want to play with you, like, you know, and they do it their best, of course, whatever activities. But yeah, it's such a magical place, you know, when you go to your grandparents or hang out with cousins and you get to fully play and fully like be a kid, you know, instead of like, you know, where unfortunately, you know, we're and at least in this time, that it's hard for parents to like fully be present and play with their kids every single day. Not everyone has that um, you know, gift of of a parent being home and being able to play, or you know, a lot of parents are working now. So it's it is like an upbringing or reminder that like make sure you do have time, you know, whether it's with your kids or with your inner child.

SPEAKER_01 7:52

Yeah, yeah, definitely. I think with the kids too, like especially at the fun ages, like it's so easy to tap in with them, you know. Um, my niece and nephew are now currently teenagers, and so my little girl's very sad that they don't want to play the way they used to play. And um, but like obviously that's the evolution that like now they're you know becoming teenagers and they're not really like my niece will still like she'll still color with me and stuff like that. Um, but you know, they have the phones that they're on. Um that's a whole nother conversation, but you know, now it's like I get to like see how it evolves with them as like I'm this inner child fun auntie, and like like how they're going into this like adulthood, and you know, it's gonna be interesting just to see like how that evolves for them and like when they realize, oh, wait a minute, like I do miss that kind of stuff. Like I do want to play, I do want to do those things.

SPEAKER_00 8:40

Yeah. And I think too, you know, we're gonna get into it in a moment. Um, but I think it's the different different parts of inner child that come through and different ages, and we get to explore that a little bit more throughout this conversation and for things that you are doing further. But I think this conversation is just really important because finding out we again, we forget through adulthood and being evolved and and being uh, you know, a parent or adult or whatever, like having to be responsible. And some people are born with you know, not caring. And I love that for you, but I am definitely one that is like I need to be responsible, I need to be the parent, I need to be strict, I need to, you know, I need to be strict with myself because I'm like, I don't got time for play and uh I don't got time to like be imaginative and creative. And then later I'm like, I'm not, I'm I don't have imagination, I I'm not creative and like duh, I'm not really spending time with it, right? Like it's like like coloring or drawing, something that you think is like quote unquote creative. It's like I'm not an artist, I don't I don't know how to create. Well, like what did you do as a kid? I'm sure you colored, I'm sure you made masterpieces in your eyes, you know. It's like you're not spending time with that part of you, you know, you turned it off. So this is the time and the imitation to invite your inner child into this conversation of asking it, what uh what does it need? So who is your inner child, really? So maybe you know this, maybe you don't, but this is a little refresher if you do. It is all the younger versions of your of you that still live inside your nervous system. And again, this is the part of you that experience the joy, the creativity, the imagination, the wonder. Like when you look at kids and and maybe you're a parent and you've experienced this firsthand, where you're where the kid is a baby and like seeing things for the first time and you get to see that wonder through their eyes. Like that's a really great experience. And you still can have that opportunity to do that. And even as as parents, and even with our own parents, you know, of seeing them experience things for the first time. It's really cool. It's still that childlike wonder that we get to experience is just you're, you know, it's a it's a part of you that still comes through sometimes. So this part of you also has experienced wounds, rejection, shame, fear, and all of these things because you know, no one has a perfect childhood. And even if you do have a quote unquote perfect childhood, there's things that you deem as, you know, uh fearful or rejection or whatever that is. And it means different things for everybody. So what your your inner child really needed in those type of moments where it created a little bit of a loop, a little bit of a frozen memory that um your body remembers. So when that happens in real time in a different situation, your body remembers that part of you and it'll come back to like, oh, that that reminded me of that rejection of that time. And of course, sometimes you don't really realize that in real time, which we've talked about triggers so far and and a couple of of masks that we've worn, but uh understanding that really your inner child in that moment, and there and again, your inner child doesn't have to be just this five-year-old, it can be any anywhere from being a baby from from 13 years old. It could be there could be an inner inner teenager in there, it could be an inner 18-year-old in there that is is trying to express what it needs and kind of running the show a little bit with your nervous system. So that part of you when things happen in real time in this life and as your evolved self, you're that part of you is just asking for safety, it's asking for love, it's asking for attention, it's asking for validation, it's asking for freedom to express emotions and asking for for plain fun, right? I think the expressing of emotions is the biggest thing that a lot of a lot of our inner selves and our younger versions of us get stuck with because how many times, you know, whether it's school, whether it's parents or whether it's somebody else, society, whatever is telling you to be quiet, is telling you sh, you're okay. Like any of these things, like we don't we're not taught to freely express. We're not taught to allow ourselves to be emotional. And maybe you had great people around you that did allow you to do this, but a lot of times, even if they are doing their best job, a lot of times we uh still don't know what we actually need until later. And we don't realize, you know, how to emotionally share what was going on, whether it's just cry and a lot of it is just, you know, when you're really, really baby, you know, the only expression that you can do is crying, like, you know, and it's like, what do you need? You can't express it, and and someone else can't can't understand it either. So allowing yourself to work on healing these parts of you to really nurture the child within. Um, and that is what this conversation is really about, and you know, what Desi is is pretty much expert in as well.

SPEAKER_01 13:48

So I know as you're talking, I was like, Oh, there's so many things I want to say about the sake of time, yeah. We are, I'm sure we'll probably have another conversation around this in our child again. But so as Lisa was saying, you know, our parents can't come to every single cry, they can't come to every single need, no matter if we had like really tentative parents or caretakers or we didn't. Like it we all have wounds from our childhood because no person could come to everything we needed as a child. And this is talking about from like zero to 18, right? And so it's really interesting when we start thinking about that. Like, okay, if I know that I didn't get everything that I needed, where in my life may I still be either trying to get those things, looking for them in other people, where might we be wearing masks in order to keep us safe? And what protectors do we still have around our hearts and our minds and our subconscious and in our body? And I love what you said earlier. You said that the memory was frozen, and I was like, Oh, that's such a good way to put it. Like it was frozen, like our body remembers, and so I know it could be really scary. I hear this from a lot of women. Like, oh, first off, I don't remember remember, which is fine. That's also like a protector, right? I know there's a lot of things that I didn't remember because I didn't want to remember them. Um, and but as I've healed, I've had the tools and the expansion to be able to open up some of those memories and get the support and the healing that I needed, but I also hear too that they're scared, like you're scared to to meet that little girl. And I get it, it is scary. Like there were things that happened to you that were not okay. You were abandoned in certain ways, maybe you abandoned yourself or family members. Like, there's so many things that have happened that were not okay. And so I let to try tell people like it's okay when you get held through this work and get seen and you have other support, like it really opens up so many doors for you not to have to carry it alone. And inner child healing isn't about going into those memories, and it's not like going to relive it, but it's actually just going to that little girl, like in meditation, like seeing her. You know, maybe she's sad or she's crying and she needs you to just go hug her and sit with her. Yeah, nothing else, right? So, like, there were things that your little girl needed from zero to 18 that she didn't get. So the the opportunity is to like go and meet her. So we're gonna talk a little bit about masks because we start trying on these masks about seven to nine years old, is when we're really starting to put on different masks of like who are we? How do I need to show up in order to be seen? Who do I need to be in order to get attention, to get love, whatever it was for you. So for me in my household, it was like a very loud household. So I had to be very loud, and I am not as loud as I used to be, but when I get around my family, my octave and my voice goes up so high. And everybody's like, Why are you yelling? And I'm like, it's just natural when I get around you guys. And you know, so that was something that I had to put on. I had to put on this uh mask and then became an identity of who I am that I'm just a really loud person and I talk really loud, right? So there's you know, other masks of like people pleasing, you know, maybe you're trying to get straight A's because you get praise from your parents when you uh come home with good grades. Maybe it was sports you got praised in, and then maybe you became the perfectionism, or you know, you started to be perfect. So the more that you were perfect and you were people pleasing, and then you're the coming becoming the overachiever, right? And then you work really hard in order to be seen. And these masks kind of start playing into each other, right? And so it's it's the people pleasing, it's perfectionism, it's the overachieving, and now you work so freaking hard in your life right now, and you're burnt out and you don't know why. A lot of this stuff is coming up from our childhood, right? I know like the hyper hyper-independence, hyper-vigilant, you know, being really independent, having doing everything on your own, and also being hyper-vigilant of like what's happening around me all the time. Maybe you grew up with parents that fought a lot, like I did, and so you you don't know what to expect when you're at home. And so you have all these masks. So for my invitation for you is to get curious is what masks from childhood may I still be wearing? So I wore the um I don't care mask for a really long time. So if I got my feelings hurt, or if somebody, you know, broke up with me, which didn't happen that often because I was usually breaking people's hearts for the few times. So my heart was broken. Like, you know, is like very much like, oh, I don't care. Or like when I'm getting into fights with my my partners, like I don't care, I don't care, I don't care. Like, and that was my protector. So it was protecting me from my feelings getting hurt because if I don't care, well then I don't have to have any feelings about anything and like I don't care and I'm gonna move on, right? So that was not serving me though, that kept me hardened, that kept me that kept people out of my life, that you know, pushed people away in my life, right? And so that was something that was a protector for me that I've even in my marriage had to really like let go because it's like we're married, of course I care. Like saying I don't care is literally just a protector because like we're in this together, right? Um, and the other one was like I um like I was a tough one all the time, like so, so tough. Like I was gonna take care of everything, I was gonna make sure everybody's okay, like I'm gonna be there all the time, I'm gonna, you know, overwork myself, I'm gonna say yes to everybody else. So I was just like, I had this armor of like having to do everything in order to be loved, right? And so again, getting real curious, what are the some of the masks that you know you may be wearing? And they were there to protect us. So we don't want to get mad at them, we don't want to shame them, we want to just like meet it with grace and understanding that this is once something that protected me that helped me, right? So they helped us survive this, survive our environment, survive the people we were around. So they were in place for a very important role. Um, and they helped us, you know, feel loved and feel accepted and feel safe. So this the masks really aren't the problem, it's it was your protection at once. So with the mask, right, they start becoming who we are. We start trying on the mask. I don't understand. Serious talking to me. Um they start becoming who we are, and we start identifying with these parts of ourselves. So that I don't care one followed me all the way into you know my adulthood, into my marriage, into my 30s, right? And so start asking the questions of who do I believe I am? Like really at the core, like who do I believe I am? What labels have you attached to yourself? I'm always anxious, I'm bad with money. No matter how much money I make, I still seem to spend it. I can't save money, or money is just really hard to come by. You know, I'm this responsible one, I always have to show up for everybody, and that means even if I don't feel like I can go out to do something, I already said I was gonna do it, so I have to do it, right? Like you always are a responsible one, or even like Lisa was saying, like, I'm not creative. That was me. Oh, for sure. For so like recently that was me. And uh one of my girlfriends, she's more creative, and so we started like coloring, and uh I got these really cool like markers and stuff now. And like I've been tapping into like an age, like so, like I've been coloring like river rocks and um with markers, and so I'll let that certain age like channel through, and like some, and I'm like, okay, I'm just gonna do one thing, okay. It's like a heart. And then I was like, Hey, what do you want to do next? Okay, we want to do a sun. Okay, cool. Well, what are we gonna do next? And like literally, it comes out so amazing. My friend's like, you literally say you're not creative all the time. Like, that looks so good. I'm like, it's so funny the labels that we put on ourselves, huh? Like, I actually am creative. So I chew, and I've been like making these like sun catchers and like all this fun stuff, and I'm like, actually, now I'm like, oh wow, I I I I really am seeing that I am creative, like creative. And so it's really cool to start doing that. So, you know, who we believe we uh who we believe we are influences what we create and attract into our lives. So who do we believe we are influences, creates and manifests into our life. So really just getting curious if you're wearing a mask that you're not really wanting to wear anymore, get curious on how you can start taking it off and how you can start shifting that.

SPEAKER_00 21:54

Yes. And I can say that we did share this on our Instagram live actually. talked about a couple of masks and and my mask that I was talking about was the people pleaser. I definitely am a people pleaser. I need to do everything for everybody else before I can get to me. You know, like I don't I don't prioritize my own needs sometimes or then I feel guilty and I'll just let go of everything else and just you know do it for the other person because I feel like that's the best way to receive love for me. Right. Like that's what I learned. And and again it's no fault to anybody in my life. It's just how it how it came onto me. And the other one actually that I don't think I talked about was as you were talking about sports and stuff. And I definitely was the achiever I danced so I performed right so like I did a great job performing and I danced and I had to good do a good job show up to practice be the like star student a little bit like and then I also had to have good grades like I always had good grades. I always had to study I always you know and and I was totally the like overachiever making sure all of that stuff I was a cheerleader like I was totally like the performer and achiever for sure.

SPEAKER_01 23:03

Yeah like how to make sure like I was getting like you know getting attention or getting love in that way right like the attention like with being the performer like people giving that attention to you and stuff like that.

SPEAKER_00 23:14

But that's that was love. You know that it always comes down to like how how what are you doing? Is it for love or is it from love? Right like and a lot of things and I came back to that saying I used to say all the time and I used to check myself all the time about it and it's been coming back around so I feel like it's perfect for this conversation. It's like a lot of things you you don't realize um you know the past past patterns that you had the past actions that you did like you know was this and a lot of it the inner child stuff I think is you know why did you do this? Because you learned it for a reason right you learned it for a reason and you learned it because you were trying to get love right like whether it's being loud or whether it's you know again achieving and making sure you're you're being the good girl you're being the good student you're being X, Y, and Z. It's it's a way to get that intention which equals love. Because you think that if you don't if you fail if you do X, Y, and Z, it's going to be bad, right? And um actually I could share this really quickly um today I actually got a little bit triggered. Um and I had a thought of you because I did sit with my inner child actually today. And it was a it was a really um I was caught off guard with a with a client today and I literally met this client yesterday in person at an inspection and was fine. And today I had to you know ask for payment and we were finishing up our report and everything and this client basically like started arguing with me over the phone and started like telling me that this was not right and he does business and it's a it was a man it was a two you know and he just was totally putting so much authority over me and like just arguing with me and I'm just trying to tell him you know this is our protocol like I you know I'm sorry you're frustrated and I was just I was totally like so off guard. I was catching and of course we just had our our voice um our other podcast about the voice so I felt myself shaky I felt myself being like oh my God what is happening right now? How do I make this better? Because you know it's of course in a job too you want to make it better and not be not freak out. You know and I'm I was just so confused and I was just so caught off guard and I'm just like what just happened and I had this buildup of emotion and I afterwards I told my coworker because she's like that's not right like and I'm just so grateful for my coworkers because they don't tolerate any of that shit. Um and they handled it but again it was just like that thing I'm just like oh my God what does my inner child need right now? Like my inner child was so sad and so like I I I'm bad you know like I was like what did I do for getting like almost yelled at like for a person doesn't really that I was fine with yesterday right like I was just of course they just unloaded on me basically for whatever was going on in their life. Right. And I literally just let myself cry and I just like kind of gave myself a hug and I'm just like wow like I'm so sorry that like that just happened to you but it's okay like you know and I think that's just a test to what you're talking about what we're talking about and like you know doing the work with you because um real time real time shit that happens to you yeah yeah I was right before I taught yoga and I was like okay I need yoga right now because I need to like get out of the you know the energy take some deep breaths and everything like I have the tools right but we still learn to like be paused and listen in you know because because again my inner inner voice my inner child was was definitely needing something in that moment and was triggered in a way of being like wow like why am I getting yelled at right like we've all had those times of being like I I don't even know what I did you know like if it's someone's just coming at you or like to had a moment you know they had a everyone you can give grace to everybody but again it doesn't mean that you don't get to feel those feelings too right so good.

SPEAKER_01 27:07

I'm so glad that you're able to like meet her and see her and give her what she needed because it's like it's not you.

SPEAKER_00 27:12

He's having a bad day doesn't make it okay but here we are right and and again like I could have easily you know that would have made like made my day terrible like I've gotten triggered at work you know what I mean like I've always been in customer service and you know especially in the restaurant business when I was in that oh my God people are just so rude for no reason and I was a manager at a winery and it was just tough it was freaking tough dealing with it. I didn't like you're a manager yeah yeah I was a manager and so it was tough working on some of those busy days and the drunk people and they're just like coming at you and you're just like I'm so sorry that happened and they're just like unloading everything on you. You're just like okay and I and even just different I we I had to deal with a um a male chef that was like trying to control other women there and I had to stand up to him and it was hard. Again it was like learning this how to voice and how to be like no like this is my truth. You don't get to like do that over me like hell no. Yeah but anyway a little bit of of heavy moment but relatable I think that's yeah no that was a great story so yeah relatable and um it still happens even today. Yeah right but that's control other people but we can control ourselves and that's the truth about it right and how we react right like I think again like you said it's perfect that like you don't have to you're not forgiving anybody with doing these things. You're not forgiving what anyone does but you're just allowing yourself to be off the hook a little bit. Like it's still an emotion that you you have to process which we talk about all the time like that's what our biggest thing is that's getting into the body and allowing your this energy of this emotion to be released in whatever way it needs to whether it's yelling whether it's crying whether it's you know dancing around and shaking it out you know whatever that is breath work of course you know is also a big one for us but uh it's really just allowing yourself to meet that part where it is at that moment and if you can of course so let's move into something a little lighter we're gonna talk about reconnecting to play and joy which we touched a little bit on already but play is seriously one of the fastest ways to reconnect with your authentic self and that could be a part of you from your younger years. It could be your five year old it could be your nine year old it could be your 13 year old whatever version of you that wants to play and wants to have joy you know this is the opportunity and invitation for you to to to make it a priority because play is healing for a couple of reasons it helps us regulate the nervous system it creates safety in the body it encourages to be present in the moment right because nothing else matters and when you're present um because that allows you to get out of the head and into the body it connects us to our creativity which we've been talking about and it really does build this resilience because again life you don't want to have a life at the end where you regret right and you don't want to have a life that you're like I didn't play with my kids or I didn't get outside that day and I was just working my ass off instead. You know and it also allows you to when things get tough it allows you to also choose to not exactly forget it again forgive and forget but it's allowing you to to come back to what who who you truly are life is hard sometimes and I can share that since we had this episode of the grief where you coached me a little bit and literally the couple of days afterwards when we found out that um Steve's sister had passed away we were with her girls that weekend for a birthday and we were going to a trampoline park and I was like I'm getting on those trampolines you know because I was like I knew I needed it. It was healing for me to like jump around move around I was with Mason Mason just like I just followed Mason. I was like Mason take me wherever you want to go like I get to be now he's 13. Yeah okay but like he's just he just gets to be he's a kid and like you know we just he was like come on do this and and you know my fear definitely came in because he's doing these high jumps and everything and I'm like nope I tried it and I'm like falling and I know it's like I'm scared I'm scared Mason I don't do this you know like you do but it's it's it allows you to bounce back in a couple of moments even if you are human you know and have bad days good days whatever and in between you know so maybe it's going to the trampoline park because they're everywhere now and they're so fun to be honest. Yeah maybe it's going to a dance class like I shared or going to Zumba class. I I was teaching that anyway and like that was also so much fun for me and so expressive for me and creative as well. Guess what? Because that's a creative piece for me like do teaching classes teaching yoga or teaching Zumba because I'm playing with choreography and I'm practicing and I'm listening to the music. So it's another way of creativity can also come through. And of course our normal creativity that we think of is painting. So maybe you're painter or maybe not or paint some rocks like Desi's been doing and channel that that inner you that wants to paint and like draw some hearts and see where it goes. Paddle boarding Desi is such a pro at that um we also of course with painting coloring I did this too actually got gel pens I think when we were doing your inner child I got gel pens and I started coloring and I had glitter ones and I was like oh my god bringing me back when I had some gel pens and like people just getting me gel pens for like birthdays and stuff because I just was obsessed. I love it and um playing games so maybe it's board games maybe it's games on uh like I remember I feel like the Wii was so fun or like Xbox when we did like the dance dance games or the bowling and everything like that. Oh do you remember Rock Band or um oh yeah Star Hero right those are so fun. That was cool as kids even if we were a little older oh my God I wish we still had that that'd be fun for sure.

SPEAKER_01 33:15

I want to get like Super Mario Brothers like really bad and like La Sega games man I can count on that.

SPEAKER_00 33:22

I know right it's so much so much more fun when you do that kind of stuff or you make time for that because it just it just gets you out of your head and gets you into the moment you know when you're doing that those type of things so of course just being silly whatever way you can right like that's like the epitome of being a kid like they just laugh and they just have fun and use their imagination and creativity. So you know laughing with friends laugh and just like finding these moments like how healing it it is especially for women even guys too though you know being around your women or your like your girlfriends and you're just like literally belly laughing and you're just like you can't stop and it was over like something silly and like whatever and you're just like wow I needed that like right like how many times like you're like I just needed a night with my girlfriends you know I just need a night with you know whoever or like you like you said your niece and nephew like how healing it it is to be with you know certain people and just allowing your true self come out and like whether that is you know you're being so silly and you're like wow you know other people would be like that's embarrassing that you like did that with you know those people or whatever but like it's so healing in that way. So you you can't let yourself go there which I would be going there. I'd be like no I don't got time for that like yes you do have time for that because that is the healing part and that is the piece that we're missing a lot of times in life.

SPEAKER_01 34:38

Yeah. I think the biggest part too is like you do have to be intentional about this. It doesn't come natural right so I know that I have fallen victim to the trap of like constantly healing constantly analyzing constantly feeling like I needed to do more and at some point it's gotta be enough right like it's gotta be enough. And then another point I wanted to talk about was you know our parents whether they were the best parents the worst parents whatever parents right like we don't call fall victim into like blaming them and I think we can do that sometimes like well if my parent didn't do this and da da da and like yeah the truth is yeah if they were better parents then things could have been different and they taught us so much as well because as we get older we can learn from what they did to us and we can shift out of it and stuff. So I just want to bring that home like it's we don't blame our parents you know we don't um you know fall victim to it we just say okay this is what happened and like now I as an adult and I get to reparent myself the way my parents didn't parent me like actually it's my responsibility you know and so that's another like part of the the healing process too because I know my mom recently said to me um she don't like some of the things that I was talking about on my social media right because it's starting to like involve her and like she has her truth I have my truth right and you know we're just talking a little bit more about like how I was like yeah but mom and did you guys fought like I had a really good childhood. My mom like took us to the beach we went to raging waters like she were my me and my older brother we really did have a lot of fun. Um but you know her and my dad fought a lot and like who knows what kind of mood my dad was going to come in. Who knows if he was gonna be happy if he was a man right so even though she did create a great you know fun environment for me at times there were still times where they were fighting and there was other things happening and I you know sometimes we have uh parents have a hard time a little bit and I was you know I was like mom I don't blame you for any of this like I chose you my soul chose you as my parent exactly everything I was gonna go through and like I'm grateful for that because look at what I'm doing with it now right so I just wanted to like say that as like a little caveat um because we we don't want to I I used to be in victim mentality for sure that was another freaking protector like mask that I wore like everything's happening to me of course this is happening to me right and it's like right that's not helping anybody so I've had to really shift out of that. But yes so okay with the healing right we can get caught up in the always healing analyzing for more always looking for the next thing feeling like it's never enough but like living this work and embodying this work is so much more important than trying to find the next thing to do. So what does embody mean? I know one of my uh clients actually I remember the first time I told her to go outside and she was like well it's snowing outside I can't go outside I was like go make some snow angels she took her and her daughter I think she was about I don't know five or six at the time and she's sending me pictures like oh my god this is the best ever thank you so much for telling me to go outside like literally I just told her to go outside right like so simple yet so profound. So this work is really about enjoying it enjoying your life enjoying the small things making those core memories right like we are going to die at some point that's inevitable everybody on this planet is going to die and what kind of life are we gonna look back and think like oh I'm so glad I I set the intentional time to go play I actually was able to enjoy those blissful moments I know for me what's really been coming through the last like several months is like I everything is perfect. Like I I have my husband I have my puppies I built a house I have my pool that I got to design like you know everything is is everything that I ever wanted and if we aren't like paying attention to that right like it can just like pass us by and we can be chasing the next thing and I've been guilty of that too but I'm like damn like this is so good and like that's what life is really about so it's like creating those core memories being present in the memories like being intentional with your people like being present get off the phone like put the thing away like just just sit there and like really focus in on your five sentences your smell your touch you know your the colors the you know the sensations and like really being present and so you know at some point your healing becomes more about you know less about fixing yourself and more about fully living your life so I feel like so much more I could say even though we're coming close to the close to our notes here.

SPEAKER_00 39:01

Yeah but what a fun conversation oh my god so good loved it and good we um do want to leave you with we I'm gonna remind you of the questions that Desi already shared for you to tap into but also a couple of questions to explore a little bit more and then Desi can share you know what she's got going on and how you can learn more about the inner child. But one of your questions that definitely now that I'm sure you're thinking of like all the things that you used to do as a kid or at that you want to do and I want to also remind you that you know I said I I do a dance class and maybe you're like oh my god that sounds so fun but da da da stop stop yourself right there be like if if you feel excited about something if you feel like oh I would love to do a pottery class I would love to do something that's so out of your comfort zone. There's so many different things nowadays but like really allow yourself to step into that like challenge yourself. Invitation invitation to do something that you think would be so cool and it'll allow you and it and maybe maybe you'll love it maybe you'll hate it. You know it's okay for either or maybe you'll learn and I know for me like when I did my first dance class I was so intimidated because I'm like I don't know who's gonna be there I was the I was the only one I was just doing it because I wanted to get out of my comfort zone. I wanted to have fun and it was definitely a little intimidating and I I learned you know was I actually like expressing fully and like being present with myself or was I so focused on everybody else and comparing myself right so allow yourself to also be to be aware of those those thoughts and and stopping you and and having those stops those thoughts stop you from actually doing the thing that's going to give you um yeah this this actual live life really this living of life in the present moment so a great question to ask is what brings me genuine joy and maybe you're gonna have to tap into this quite a few times it may not come right away or again ask your younger self maybe you're asking what did I used to do or ask ask your child uh your your parents right like what did I do as a kid you know like did I love coloring? Did I love this? If you forget or look back at pictures or or ask people that you knew like ask your aunts and uncles ask whoever like you know or your grandparents if they're still alive what did I do when I came over here what did we do together you know like that'll also kind of bring you back to maybe a memory that'll be like oh yeah I forgot I used to love that like maybe the gel pens thing that like we shared like love them. So what brings you genuine genuine joy and what did you love to do as a child right like and I love this question too because again this is something that I had to work through and work and I still have to work on is when was the last time you played just for fun? So good. And this could be even doing like this could be even being creative or like imagination like right fill in the blank. Like it could be when was the last time you you were creative or just for fun or like did a craft just for fun, right? Like something that you didn't have to overachieve or you had to make perfect you know and just allow yourself to really um expand into that and and see what is there because again you could be finding something that you're like wow this has been missing and I didn't realize I needed it. And it's a healing in a way that you can't really um express sometimes but it's going to be so beautiful for you if you do tap into it. So don't let the excuses stop you either because I can do that too. I don't got time for that schedule it.

SPEAKER_01 42:41

My biggest recommendation schedule it I was like you said paddle boarding and sometimes when I go out paddleboarding like I'll have to like go out of my way to like go skip the rocks. Like it doesn't always come natural for me either you know but like I'll be like like my girlfriend came over and we was swimming the other day and like we were like literally playing we got the ball out we're playing like keep away with the ball and we were like swimming and then we were dancing and we were doing dives and all this stuff. Like we intentionally was like let's tap into our inner child today we got all the toys out but like when I'm out paddleboarding sometimes I'm like not feeling it so I like go out of my way to go skip the rocks or like to go explore wherever we pulled over because that's what's something my inner child would like totally do. Like and so you know what what are those things that your inner child would normally do in those positions when you're like out with your friends or when you go bowling. Maybe you did something funny there you know and so um and I think too what I like I think we all had a picture that we used to draw like really good when we were little like it used to be like a house with like a fire chimney and then like you know the moon and and the the sun and all the things right and so like go play around and you know doodle some old like things you know and that'll like help tap you into your inner child too. So with all that um if you want to go deeper with this work I have a few ways to do that. But the when this episode airs it's gonna be Wednesday and It's gonna be the Wednesday, the 17th, and we will be four days into inner child or into Sacred Return. Little girl big killing, and this will be an opportunity for you to come and meet your little girl. We're gonna start off the first few days, it's all gonna be about everything we talked about on this episode. So, like if this interests you, you can get the replays. I will send that out to you. You have three weeks to catch up on the replays. Um, and then I have guest speakers coming in and talking about their expertise with inner child healing. We have a money coach coming in, and Lisa's gonna be speaking there. We have all these amazing women coming together, and we'll also be talking more about these wounds and these masks and protectors that are being coming up for you. I'm probably gonna be doing some breath work in there as I'm planning everything out. We'll definitely be starting with a little bit of breath work every day. So this will be just a way for you to get a little bit deeper to really understand if you're looking for that. And you can get in with the link in the bio. And then I also am opening up the wait list for inner child haven. This is my 14-week signature program where I take women through the ages of zero to 18 through six different healing eras so we can understand what our development is, what is happening, what we should have received from our parents, and then we're gonna really go into those adult patterns, right? So we talked about a little bit about the masks and the and the protectors, but now we have these patterns that keep coming up in our lives and they keep showing up, and most of them are from childhood. So I really start helping you guys uncover what those are, and then we meet every other week um to go over that healing space. So, like from zero to three, we meet your infant self and we love her and we cuddle on her, and then from three to I think it's what three to five, um, we go into that era of like what was developing and you're exploring and all these different stages that we go through. Um, so you could really start connecting with her and healing her. It's all about fun. We do a lot of fun games in there. We make forts, we have bingo, we have like so many things just to make it fun because yes, the healing work is important, the shadow work, all that is important. I know we earlier said we can get caught up in it, and it's also so beautiful to do this work and pair it with the play and the joy and the fun. And we'll be kicking that off like mid-summer. Um, so once that gets all released, you guys will get all of the information and the early word pricing and all that good stuff. So you can just get on the waiting list. And I'd like Lisa to add in anything because she went through the container with me if she'd like.

SPEAKER_00 46:28

Yeah. I again like I've shared a little bits and pieces where play was probably like my biggest thing. And then the second thing I remember going through and like uncovering more was like how small I was like playing and how like small I've been still, like expressing myself in bigger ways, which is of course full circle now, of course, as we're launching a podcast and and sharing my voice and being like, you know, I I get to be confident in what I share and and and my gifts and all these things now. And and so that was like a foundation piece. And now here we are, we're gonna keep working on it and expanding on it. And I think I what I did love, I loved the games, of course, because again, it it Desi always reminds me to play. And I definitely do not make time for it, you know, enough because I'm like, oh my God, you know, when you when you just I work from home too, so it's like so hard to get to not get distracted by doing the chores, the cooking, the da-da-da, like all the things right in a household and being like, I don't have time to play right now, or like, you know, I now we have a teenager here and it's like again, he's like, What are you doing? And I'm always working, and it's like, you know, like I have to really be intentional with that time and be like, no, like my inner child wants to play, my inner child, you know, wants to do these things. Like I've been working outside a lot because it just feels so much nicer than being stuck in the house and yeah and doing different things. It just is a little bit, maybe it doesn't, it doesn't have to be like a full hour or dance class or anything else like that, but little bits and pieces, just being like, what feels good for me today? Like, what can I do? Uh that joy, right? Like, what's a little snippet of joy? Maybe it's just doodling on a piece of paper while you're working for a few moments. It's just to give yourself a little break from the screen, you know? Like it's something super simple. But I can say I did really love our live calls because you always did take us through a really cool journey that met the this part of us at that time that we were learning. So whatever was coming through, I know I've I've shed tears, I know I've had really cool like connections with it and cool messages. So I think that's the coolest part because you really get to meet that part um from those live experiences. Yeah. So love that.

SPEAKER_01 48:40

Yeah, I really love bringing that together because I get to like be creative and bring up creation and be like, okay, I think something I did this last round that you weren't in was um I was playing um like uh musicals and stuff, like more like kind of going along with the ages and stuff like that, like for the healing process and stuff. Like I did the lullabies with you guys and I did that again, and then I did the lullabies, and then I did like the sing alongs for like I think it's three to six, actually. Like three to six when we're in that like explorer phase. So like I did like a whole sing along like thing and stuff. So I like really do take you guys on a journey with that age, and yeah, it's yeah, it's been so amazing to see uh this last time too. Like really seeing the women be able to witness each other and like hold space for each other was really cool. That is huge too. Yeah, that's like a big part. Um, and this last call that I just had with the girls a couple weeks ago was like really just all of them expressing themselves and then like all just holding space for each other. It was it was really, really, really healing for everybody. And I was like, wow, the power of this work and you know the the the support um is just is huge. So yeah, yeah, anyways. So excited.

SPEAKER_00 49:43

I think yeah, like we definitely talked about that in our in my class too that we did and so the sisterhood too, like just really being involved, because we all were invited to share, and of course, and not everyone does, but when you do get share and when you do when you are met with other like open-hearted, loving people, like it is uh maybe even more healing than like a lot of this, even too, right? Because yeah, just being held and seen and and you know, witnessed, you know, is a game changer for anybody.

SPEAKER_01 50:14

Yeah, yeah. The group containers really do give that other essence of like being seen, being heard, being held, and being witnessed, and and then being able to do it for others too, which feels was always like really nice to be able to hold a space for others. And yeah, so okay, that's all gonna be in the show notes, guys. We're so grateful. Thank you. Don't forget to leave us a review. We still have a couple more weeks before we do a giveaway. Make sure to share, like us, tag us in on Instagram, Real Talk Real Healing Podcast. Come follow us along. Let us know if there's any topics you'd like us to hear or talk about. And yeah, we'll see you on next week's episode.