The 40+ Life
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The 40+ Life
Donna Jackson AKA The Curious Mummy on moving through grief
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This week on The 40 Plus Life, I’m joined by Donna Jackson, better known to many as The Curious Mummy — content creator, recipe sharer, mum of two, and someone who has built an online community through warmth, honesty and connection.
Donna opens up about the unimaginable loss of her husband Gareth in 2022 and the journey that followed. We talk candidly about grief in all its forms, rebuilding life after loss, parenting through heartbreak, and the unexpected strength and confidence that can emerge from life's hardest moments.
We also chat about navigating midlife, boundaries, perimenopause, finding purpose, raising children, and why saying "no" can be one of the most empowering things we learn in our forties.
Donna also shares the inspiration behind The After Movement — a new initiative creating connection and community for people navigating grief and loss.
And because this is The 40 Plus Life, there’s also room for the important topics: bedtime chats, beach holidays, style in your forties… and the bronzer that got Donna through winter.
This is a conversation about loss, resilience, growth, and learning that life after heartbreak can still be full of joy, purpose and beautiful new memories.
You can follow Donna https://www.instagram.com/thecuriousmummy/
and The After Movement https://www.instagram.com/theaftermovement/
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Follow The 40+ Life on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/the40pluslifepodcast/
Find out more about TV Presenter Katy Pullinger https://www.instagram.com/katypullinger/
Welcome to the 40 Plus Life. This week's guest is someone many of you may already know as the Curious Mummy, Donna Jackson, a blogger and Instagram creator who's built a warm, welcoming space online through her love of being a mum to two beautiful children, but also delicious recipes and honest storytelling. But Donna's journey goes far beyond food. In 2022, she experienced the heartbreaking loss of her husband. Since then, she has chosen to share not just meals and moments, but also the reality of grief. Openly, courageously, and with a vulnerability that has resonated with so many. Donna, a very, very warm welcome to the 40 Plus Life. Thank you so much for coming on. Thank you for having me, and what a lovely intro. Thank you. Well, I hope your day is going well. Tell me how how are you doing today?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I'm good actually. I'm taking five today, which I never ever do. And yes, I am um surrounded by washing. So outside of this box here, there is um the washing machines going, there's piles of ironing, but um no, I'm all good. I'm actually just about to make a new recipe for um the Instagram, so I'll share that bit later.
SPEAKER_01Fabulous. So you do a lot of food recipes. So food recipes, you do a lot of recipes on your Instagram, don't you?
SPEAKER_00Yes, I do. I do. I just love food. I love, I think growing up, um, I was just I was bothered by food, but wasn't really. I was out partying just having fun. And then when you have children, you really do think about nutrition and what's going into them, and then you know, your body changed. Well, my body certainly changed. So, you know, it's all about nourishing and um yeah, looking after yourself. So I share recipes that I hope are nourishing and tasty and don't taste like wet feet.
SPEAKER_01No one wants dinner that tastes like wet feet, particularly children. No, exactly, exactly. So, Donna, you've been really generously open and honest about your journey uh through grief and the loss of Gareth. What made you want to share so much of your story?
SPEAKER_00Do you know it wasn't really on purpose? I think because Gareth and myself and the kids had been so visible on my social media, it felt when the time was right to share, and it wasn't automatic, it was a good couple of months after. It felt like the right time to tell people that you know things have changed and Gareth's no longer here. Um, but then as I started writing, it was it was quite cathartic for me because grief can feel quite alone, it's a real lonely game. Um, so talking and sharing was amazing for me because you know, I reach lots of people who were in the same situation, and actually, as time has evolved, it's not just people that are grieving the loss of a partner. Um, there's lots of other types of grief. Um, and then there are people that have found other losses in their lives that they've also shared with me. And actually, in the beginning, when people would talk about divorce um and that grief that people carry, I couldn't quite understand it. But as I've got older and you know, I'm more into this grief game, I I get that, and loss is loss. So um, yeah, it's been it wasn't a plan, but I'm here and I'm sharing and I'm hoping that it helps others. And I think talking is the best therapy.
SPEAKER_01I remember I've got a friend of mine who actually has trained as a grief counsellor, and it wasn't until she was telling me about that, like like you mentioned, the the grief of a divorce or the grief of, like you say, any kind of loss that actually you do need to take on head on, but actually acknowledge it and go through it. And they're not all the same types of grief, but they're all grief nonetheless.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, and it's a journey, like everybody's on this journey. Our losses might be different, but the journey is not the same, but it's still rebuilding. And like for me, I had to relearn who I was. So when Gareth passed away, part of me died too, which sounds quite morbid, but actually, I look back on reflection, and if he met me today, he would be a bit shocked because I'm just different now, and um, you know, I'm not whole cold and hard, which you would expect as a from a widow, you know, it's not the 1940s anymore. You know, the story is that I would say I'm bright and vibrant, and life means something different to me now, and I take every moment for what it is, and yeah, I just don't look back, which is a really nice place to be, particularly in your 40s. I bet.
SPEAKER_01I bet. Well, my next question was going to be, you know, how are you and the kids doing three years on?
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Is it four years on now?
SPEAKER_00It'll be four years in June, yeah. So um, yeah, we're good. We're good. We we're such a tight little you we were tight before, but it's just a different level of tightness. Um, we really look out for each other, you know, me as a mum, but me as their friend, and likewise with them. And I feel like we've really been through a journey, but our little adventures, I look forward to them in every way, and our conversations, yes, we do keep Gareth alive in those conversations, but he isn't the be all and end all of our lives, you know, our lives now revolve around us a bit more, which is which is a nice place to be. So we're good. Good.
SPEAKER_01Well, I'm glad to hear that. And how do you sort of prioritize yourself in in that in your little trio, your little musketeer trio?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, how do we how do I prioritize? I think priority is really important, and I think I've suffered with overwhelm in quite a big way since losing Gareth because I'm trying to keep them alive, myself alive, three cats and nine cactuses. But so much didn't know what you were gonna say when you said nine nine cactuses. I wasn't expecting that. No, but there's but there's no one to rely on, there's no family close by, although I do have family that do help, and I'm trying to keep everyone moving and alive, really. Um, so because of that, overwhelm has been quite a big thing over the last couple of years. However, we we we've got a really nice routine, and I always turn the laptop down or switch it off, sorry, at nine o'clock. So there's no work, no interference, and that's my time. So the kids have to be in bed by nine, so I can then have my time. And I think that resets me, and then I know I can go into the next day feeling less overwhelmed. So I, you know, routine instructor is is quite important, I think, just to help navigate this period or navigate previous periods.
SPEAKER_01But it's do you find do you find if the routine changes that it it'll make you wobble?
SPEAKER_00I think it would have done maybe even six months ago, but now I've now developed into a much more relaxed, uh, less routine focus. The routine is there, and I think the the routine is good for the kids because it keeps them safe. And it we all know what's going to happen, you know, in the next, you know, this afternoon, what's gonna happen this afternoon? We know what's gonna happen this afternoon. But I think for me, I um yeah, I can let things go. So yesterday the routine was completely out, um, mainly because we were traveling. We got back, and then rather than come home and do homework and get all the washing done, I was like, you know what? Let's go out for a roast dinner with some friends. So we did that, we kind of blew the doors off and and didn't stick to routine. And yes, the kids went to bed late, but they did go to bed before nine, and that worked. So I got my got my time.
SPEAKER_01You still got your your nine o'clock boundary in place, but you were able to sort of break out within your frame.
SPEAKER_00Exactly, exactly. And I think for me, that's a no-negotiation, like that has to stay, or if the kids do stay up, you know. I always say, I can't, you know, because normally what they want is they want me to sit with them and read with them and have a conversation. Um, you know, there's lots that go on in in in bedtime. So with bedtime, but if I always say, well, I won't be able to do as much of that tonight, and then they go, Oh, actually, no, I'd really like you to sit and cuddle or sit and have a conversation with me. So they know, and I know. So we yeah, we've got it, we've got it all worked out.
SPEAKER_01You have bedtime is often one of those moments though, where like when I pick up my kids from school and you know, how was your day? Fine. Like, okay. And then suddenly you go try and get them to bed, and that's when all the just all comes out and they want to chat. And I don't think it's just about them putting off bedtime. I think that's just when their brain just starts to, I don't know, kick back into gear to maybe make sense of the day. I think at the end of the school day, they just haven't got anything left in the tank until they've I agree with you actually, and I and I particularly during the last three and a half years, that's what I found the most.
SPEAKER_00That, you know, for example, my son Finn might not want to talk about what happened at school, but then we'd get to that last half hour before bedtime, and we'd be sat in his room together, maybe looking at a book or talking about something, and then it would all come out. So I think it was we'd always say it was like our safe time where we would talk, and um, you know, they're now they're both old, they're sort of too old to have bedtime together. So one goes to bed a bit earlier than the other, but I have to carve out half an hour for each child because it's yeah, their time to decompress, and then for me to help them make sense of what's happened to them in the day. And yeah, what age are they now? Gosh, um Finlay is 12, which um I still can't get over because 12-year-old is just too grown up. No. Um, and then Olivia is gonna be 10 in June. So it's um yeah, they're growing up.
SPEAKER_01They are, gosh, mine have just turned 14 and 11, and just don't know where it comes from. It just well, I know where it comes from, but just don't know how that time has flown so fast. We've got one of those um video screen photo frames in in the living room, and the and the pictures that come up, and I just think, gosh, that was five minutes ago. I can feel them, you know. I can I can touch their faces in my mind. Yeah, there's little squishy faces, and now suddenly it's I've got a teenager that doesn't want to leave her room, and uh my 11-year-old is still firmly by my side, but she goes to senior school in September, and I don't know how quickly that's gonna change. Suddenly she's gonna be joining the the teen, the teen vibe. She keeps going, I'm I'm not gonna be like that. I'm not gonna be like that, mummy. And I'm like, You might be, you might be. It might happen, it might happen. Donna, you've said uh actually in one of your recent posts, actually, that I was I was stalking your Instagram, uh, that you've been on a journey of self-discovery, healing, and growth. What have what have you learned about yourself?
SPEAKER_00I've I've learned that I'm really strong. I've learned that I can say no without offending anybody because I think, well, I don't know, I've I've been a people pleaser my whole life. I would change, be a chameleon just to suit a situation, which I think most people do, but I could never say no. Um, and I would be desperately unhappy and go along with things because I thought that was the right thing to do. Yeah, but I think this journey has made me, you know, really protective of my boundaries and really protective of me and the children. So if things aren't right for us, I will call it out straight away. And um, I think you have to be strong to do that. And you do develop, you've got no choice but to be strong. So I feel really strong, and um, you know, situations that would probably phase me, I don't know, 10 years ago, I would probably be on the phone to my mum crying, I can't do it. And now I'm like, Yeah, do you know what it's gonna be fine? Yeah, what's the worst that could happen? It's fine. This is our plan. Let's go.
SPEAKER_01I guess learning that no is a complete sentence as well, and that you don't have to come up with an excuse or a reason. I st I still feel like that sometimes when if if I don't want to go to something, that I've got to come up with a reason, you know, and and why and over-explain myself. And actually, you've got to be you can also just go, no, can't can't do that.
SPEAKER_00Can't do it, can't do that today. Yeah, exactly. I just think there's something nice in being able to say, no, I it doesn't work for me. And um, and I think people respect that. I think people want that honesty. Yeah, okay, you might not be going along with their plans or what they want, but you know, if it's not working for you, you're not gonna give it 100% or or whatever. So it's it's um I think it's really empowering to be able to have control over that and say no.
SPEAKER_01So the the strength that you found has I wonder whether that has has sort of seeped into other areas of your life, has it seeped into your into your work, has it you know helped you in lots of ways?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, because so um when Gareth was so Gareth was unwell for six months before he passed away, and then he passed away suddenly. So um, but in the moment of him being unwell, you know, in the first couple of weeks, I just they kind of what's the word, my life flashed before or our life flashed before my eyes. And I was like, oh my god, I'm gonna need to go into you know a stable working environment because I was freelancing and um and doing lots of stuff on Instagram, and I thought, no, this isn't gonna be enough just in case something happens. And I was thinking that he might be off work for a long, you know, for a long period. That's what I was thinking, not this. But this happened, and I started this job and I went in um thinking, you know, I'll just kind of go in, do my bit, go home. But I think because of you know, the situation that I was put in with Gareth passing away and me having to be strong, and me having to rethink everything, um all this kind of underlying creativity that I had sitting and bubbling in my tummy and my head for years and years and years, but I was too afraid to say I want to make those changes or do something. Yeah, um, I became, and I have to say, I think I've become very fearless as a result of his death. So because I feel less fearless, I'm able to give opinion and able to move forward with a task or um a creative idea. And I um I did this for the employer that I'm I'm currently working with, and we've seen like huge benefits off the back of it. Like we've won awards, um, you know, we've had viral moments, and I think, wow, this wouldn't have happened if I was kind of the person I was before. So it's um and I always call this bit the after because you it's a new, you're a new, it's in a new chapter. I'm in a new chapter now, and this new chapter has um seen me be much more confident. I mean, I can get up in front of a hundred people and not like have all the butterflies in my stomach now, whereas before I probably would have collapsed and found my excuses and left. But I yeah, I don't care now. I don't care in a in a good way. I care that you know I can deliver something and not worry about what people think.
SPEAKER_01Is it partly that life is for living, you are you can grab it by the horns and really cherish every moment, take every opportunity?
SPEAKER_00I don't want to say you care less, you don't care less, but you're you don't worry so much about what people expect of you or and then that kind of just goes um because you don't know if you're here tomorrow. So no one's gonna remember you for the girl that couldn't stand up in front of a hundred people and deliver a speech. People are gonna remember you for being you. And I think if I can show my best self every day, you know, if I want to do that every day, I will. So, and I do, and I get a lot of pleasure, you know, when I'm at work, I get a lot of pleasure out of the ideas that I come up with and the plans that we make, and then seeing those things come into action rather than worrying about what the budget might look like or whether my boss might like it, or you know, all those things that you would naturally worry about. I think actually the reason why I'm doing this is to get us from from A to B in a really good way. So let's let's do it. And I think if I believe in it and I've got passion about it, other people will. So, yeah, I think going back to your original question, I think I'm less fearless now, but I can I've got purpose because we don't know what where we might be tomorrow. So I just tomorrow's not promised.
SPEAKER_01Tomorrow's not promised. What can other people do to support someone or a a family like yours yours that has gone through this kind of loss or is going through this kind of loss? What what really helped you and your and your kids?
SPEAKER_00There's a few things. I think the big one, and I I feel this more. I think because it's been almost four years, people think that I'm okay, and I am okay, but you know, uh if I don't go to work or if I am working from home, I don't see another adult unless they're at pickup. So actually that's really hard because I've got two wonderful kids who will grow into adults, but they're not gonna want to hang around with 45-year-old mummy. Yeah, and I won't be 45 then. And I think I think it's people and talking, so it's making sure that if you are supporting someone going through a loss, that you're um, you know, you haven't forgotten about them after the first few months because people do go away after a few months. It's like newspapers, once the story's out, people have moved on, and I think it's supporting those people, uh supporters, it's encouraging people to kind of come back in and you know, just checking in, even if it's just saying, I don't know what to say, but I'm here for you, or do you fancy going for that walk? Or you know, here, look, I can babysit your children. Um, I've got a friend actually, I'll be very quick. She's super lovely, and um, she knew both Gareth and I, and she phones and texts constantly, and sometimes I don't have the energy to reply back to a message, I just can't sometimes. And she'll just turn up at the door and she'll say, Right, Donna, I haven't heard from you in a week. I'm taking the kids out. And she just gives me a couple of hours to myself, or she takes the kids off and they do something lovely. And I am so grateful to my friend Eve, um, because she's just wonderful.
SPEAKER_01Oh, everyone needs an Eve. Well done, Eve. You know, it's or it's either take the kids off off your hands for a bit, or just say, Right, get your shoes on, we're going for a coffee, or going for a walk, and I'm getting you out of this house, go have a shower, go exactly put some lippy on, we're going for a glass of wine, or just just making sure that they just turn up for you.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, exactly. So, yeah, it's it's everybody needs an Eve, I think. I think that's the key. So making sure that even if someone has passed away and you've been there for the beginning, actually checking in a few years later, like always just being there. Um, you don't have to be there 24-7, but you know, it's nice just to know that people are there.
SPEAKER_01And I can imagine as well remembering the moments that may be anniversaries and moments that will be tough for you, whether it's a birthday or an or an anniversary, or maybe just the kids have achieved something special and that must be really wonderful for you to see. But I can imagine that also has its sort of share of heartbreak in there as well, the that Gareth's not here to see the kids, I don't know, get that prize at school or pass that exam.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, it is like there are days where you know things happen and you want to share, you want to share it with your person. And because my person's no longer here, I go, I go through my head and I'm like, do I let my best friend know? Actually, does she really care? And then I go, shall I let my mum know? And I think, well, I know she'll care, but you know, is what she Will it be the same? Will it be the same? Is it is it gonna be the same reaction? And like all those people mean so much to me, and they've been there all you know forever, but it's not the same as having your your person. So um, yeah, so yeah, just check like as I say, my friend Eve or my friend Laura or my mum, um, those people will often just get in touch and just say how you're doing, and it and it's really and it's really nice, and you need that. So um, yeah, I think consistency and and being there for people is really important.
SPEAKER_01And and what tools have helped you and the kids most over the last years? What um sort of I guess therapy has been important?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I think primarily we've all had counselling and then we and then we've had bereavement counselling, which is slightly different. It's a bit more or therapy, it's a bit more intense, and um, you know, you I think with grief you get a bit stuck sometimes, and like I was going through a bit of an angry period, and I couldn't understand why I'm quite a jolly person. So to get cross, not about anything, but just cross about stuff or how I got here. Um, and a therapist has helped with that, made me unstuck and has given me perspective to kind of make those decisions to get you know over that period. But yeah, the children have had um counselling through their school um with a company called a charity called Place to Be. And um I've had my my support through Mind, which has been incredible. And then outside of that, it's just a friend of mine always said, You must keep yourself busy because people won't always come to you. So I try and make sure that a couple of times a month we get people over, the kids have got somebody to hang out with, I've got somebody to hang out with, and we we just make sure we do that. And then I I don't know whether why I do this, but I love travel, and yes, I do love a holiday. But I think for me, you know, getting away from our lives as it's been has been quite nice to go off and get lost in another country if if we can afford to do so. And we've done that quite a bit, and it's been lovely, so yeah.
SPEAKER_01It's been nice to see. I like to see your pictures. I love following your Instagram, and it it's funny to to see people's holiday pictures of someone that you don't actually know, but be so happy for them. I'm so happy when I see your kids all smiling and you having a great time and you know, looking like you're you know, living life and and really making really special memories and moments for them.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, exactly. And I think that's I think you hit the nail on the head. It's just making really lovely memories. We, you know, we had six months of probably horrible memories, and I'm not scratching that out or trying to take it away. I think I'm trying to show the kids that actually, you know, we've we've got some really good memories coming up and we've made some lovely ones, you know, in between that time. And I'd say they're pretty well rounded individuals because of the experience. That we've been through, yeah, the good and the bad, but mainly the good now. So yeah.
SPEAKER_01So I've saw you recently started talking about a grief walk. Tell me, tell me more about it. Okay, so I'll give I'll just go back a step.
SPEAKER_00So it was over when was it? It was Easter bank holiday. And I just climbed this 15-metre wall and then abseiled off. And I felt brilliant because I'd not done that in since I was a teenager. Did you just feel like doing it one day, or was it something planned that? Well, we'd I'd my daughter is really into climbing, so I said, look, let's go. Uh we'll do it. We were on this kind of adventure holiday. And I said, I'll come and do it with you. And I said to the trainer, I was like, I haven't done this in years. And he said, It's fine. I said, No, it's the climbing bit I'm not worried about. It's the jumping off bit, I'm so petrified over. And it's like he's like, it's fine, just lean back. And I was like, Oh, what you mean? I can't look down. He's like, No, no, anyway, did all this. And when I did it, I felt incredible. And he's like, You're gonna want to do it again. So, of course, I went back up it and kept doing it and did it many times. And I but I felt really good, and I and I it started making me think what has really helped me over the last couple of years, and lots of experiences have helped. So I've kind of tapped back into old hobbies, um running, I've had loads of running injuries, so I'm on hold for that. But lots of things that have made me feel good, but but also the other underlying thing that makes me feel good is people. So being with people and doing experience are for me the two sort of key things that have kind of got me out of really dark patches. So I went on to Instagram and I just said, Would anyone like to meet up? Like, I don't know what this is, but if there is someone out there that's experiencing grief and that feels a bit rubbish, would you like to move up? Meet up. So 60 people got in touch and said, Yes, we would. So I was like, what do I do now?
SPEAKER_01Oh no, now I've got to do it.
SPEAKER_00Then I said, How about we do a walk and talk? So we walk around one of the London parks, and if people can make it, they can, and if they can't, and we can talk about our grief, we can talk, not talk about our grief, but we can just be there together, we can do a lap around a park and with a coffee, maybe, and then that's it. And um, so more people have now got in touch and said, Yes, we'd love to do that. And then it got me thinking like maybe this could be a nice movement, and uh and it's called the after movement now. So I've named it, I've given it its own name, and the after movement is about getting like-minded individuals together. Um, we're all in this situation because of circumstance, but actually, what a lovely way to make friends, to feel less alone and be connected to those that share a similar story or experience. So the first walk is coming up next week. Uh, I don't know if anyone will turn up, but I'll be there. And then um we're gonna do a series of events, like smaller um um in-person events where people can meet up, they can talk, they can experience something which will make them feel good, like infrared light therapy or a supper club or florist arrangement, I don't know. Um, but lots of activity. Yeah, to get people together and connected. And and my aim is to make people feel less alone in this. Oh, it could be the next park run. It could be starting something huge that you don't even know yet. Yeah, exactly. So um yeah, I'm here for it and I'm just gonna see where it goes. And you know, if I can help one person feel less rubbish, then I've done a good job.
SPEAKER_01I think it's also important for people who have gone through that loss that can speak to somebody that genuinely understands what they're going through. Because if if you're talking to somebody that that hasn't had that kind of loss, that doesn't quite understand well, just doesn't understand the sort of the colossal impact on on your life, that must be a really special walk for whether people do want to share their stories or, like you say, just want to be there. Just being around that sort of energy of people that truly, truly get it. That's I can imagine is going to be really powerful.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I hope so. I hope so. Because I mean, after Gareth passed away, um I did feel really alone. I felt like I was the only, oh god, how old were I 42? I thought I was the only 42-year-old in the world who had lost um their husband. And I just felt so and I know I I wasn't, but I felt like it. And then I joined various groups, and you know, I didn't have the I just didn't feel connected to anybody, and it just didn't feel good. Um were they online groups? Um, one online, which was then gonna turn into an in-person, but the in-person there was no consistency, but whatever.
SPEAKER_01I mean, it didn't work out, and um I felt you've got to try the different things, haven't you? Because there's no, I mean, there's no grief glove that fits everybody, is there? I mean, that's just gonna help fix how you're feeling.
SPEAKER_00Exactly. And then as I've as I've been through this journey, I realize, you know, the many aunties that I've got who have also been widowed. And I never thought to really go to them because it always felt like they were too old to really get it. But you know, grief is grief. And that as I'm going through this process and speaking to many people, you know, people from the age of 100 all the way up until somebody in their early 20s that have experienced quite, you know, significant grief. That so I've got hair in my face, it's gone now. You've got it. We're just that age now, it might be a whisker. I I just think that actually a shared experience can really make someone else feel better about where they are and they feel less alone. And I think that's the key, really, from all of this.
SPEAKER_01We are both in that mid-40s age bracket. So, how are you dealing with the the sort of the hormonal changes of of the of the decade that we're in?
SPEAKER_00Oh my god, I mean it's quite brutal, it's not. I don't know where to start. It's it was the wake, well, it was the kind of mood swings that started and then the periods, and then the weight gain. It was all of these things, and like for example, with the weight gain, I would sometimes just have one meal a day and it would get worse. And I was like, this isn't fair. Yeah, really love food. So of course I've switched that up now. Um, but I just didn't understand myself, and I've been in this body for so long, and actually, for a long time, I blamed grief. I was like, this must be grief, and then I'd go to the GP and I was like, Oh, these things are happening, I'm losing my hair, blah blah blah. And he was like, Oh no, it's just your grief. And I'm like, This is not grief.
SPEAKER_01I know that this isn't normal, but um how interesting that the the doctor thought that and didn't sort of go look at your age and go, oh, hang on a second, there's some dots to connect here.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, well, I I had a couple of blood tests, seen various doctors at the same surgery, and and sadly they all I just don't think there is enough around um for GPs to to know. And and I think the the big issue is that it's the listening part, they don't want to listen, and we just sound like hypochondriacs, and actually we're we're not. We're there, these are real things that are happening. I don't know about you, but you might not have got to this bit. But I started getting itchy ears.
SPEAKER_01Oh, I've had I've had the lot, don't you worry. I am I my all my symptoms started really early. Mine all started at around 38. So I've I'm I think I'm almost nearly through the other side. I mean, I've gone through the lot. I've had the the weird gums, the the itchy ears, the the the crawly skin where it feels like there's insects on your skin. I'm like scratching my head thinking I've got nits from the kids at school, and it's not, it's just this weird sensation. I got the burning tongue. I mean, you name it, I've I've had it.
SPEAKER_00It's just incredible. Well, I've recently started uh with with I found um a private uh menopause doctor, and she's wonderful. And we've been through different types of um medication, but I'm now on a patch and some whatever, some something else. And it's been amazing. Like actually, I spoke to her today, and I feel like a million dollars. I felt like the way I was when I was in my 30s.
SPEAKER_01So you suddenly feel like a new person. I think because you particularly because you start to feel so bad that when it does kind of swing back, you do suddenly feel like you're 20 years younger when actually you're probably just just back to before when everything started going wrong. Yeah, but it's amazing the difference it makes. I mean, obviously, everyone's got to I've said this before on on here already that you know you've got to find your own right path for you when it comes to to your health and hormones and HRT and all of that. Because I know it's not right for everybody, and medically it's not right for everyone either. Um, but yeah, what if you can find it? Oh my goodness, yeah.
SPEAKER_00It's incredible. I mean, I feel great now, and I've changed my diet. So I think I was addicted to sugar for you know, way beyond being perimenopausal. I think you know, in my twenties I love sugar. Thanks. Um, but exercised an awful lot, so didn't notice it. But um, yeah, I gave up sugar and I ate a lot of protein, but you know, with carbohydrates and other bits, and the combination of all of those bits together have really worked for me. So I feel good, and it's it's nice to feel like this at this age and only have to worry about covering over grey grey hair. So uh oh gosh, tell me about it.
SPEAKER_01I looked, I was looking here waiting when uh you were to join me, and I just was looking in the webcam. I'm like, Go go, what? I need to do those bits on top of my head. They just ping up, don't they? Yeah, they just little white hairs, they're just like woo! Hello, I'm here, don't try and hide me. So annoying. I know. So, Donna, the the 40 plus life has the tagline taking on midlife with style. So, how has your style changed and developed now that you're in your 40s?
SPEAKER_00Uh, this is a really interesting question for me because I think my style has always been bright, bold, beautiful, very trend led. And I still love the trends and will always dip my toe into a trend. But I think now I dress for my body. Um, you know, I I don't worry so much about what other people think, but I think I think about what makes me feel good. So, you know, if it's a slightly baggy top or a high-waisted um barrel leg jean, yeah, I'll be in that. I think when I was growing up, I was always very self-conscious because I had these skinny, spindly legs. They're not like that now. But these um, and I would be desperate to wear something short, and but then people I felt like would look at me and go, look how skinny Alex are. Oh no. Uh but then look how bad chubby is. Whereas now it's all the the balance, like my body is much better. Yeah. And I dress for me, and I think that's a really nice place to be. And I do make an effort. Like I always wear earrings, I'll always put a little bit of skin makeup on, you know, I'll always wear nice shoes or trainers. There's always something. And and I think with my style now, there's it's it's relaxed, but while I might go in a classic Breton top, you know, I might wear leopard print trainers to kind of offset that sort of prissy boring look, or nice jewellery to go with it. So it's relaxed, slightly trend-led, but it's got to suit my figure, and I think that's I know.
SPEAKER_01I I wish it's that old adage, you know, what if you knew then what you know now? I wish I had dressed more for what suited me and not just what I felt I needed to wear to fit in. Yeah, exactly, exactly. Little A-line skirts of the 90s, you know, did that you're you're probably referring to there. Did we really need to wear them? I mean, yeah. We didn't know.
SPEAKER_00We didn't know, and actually, I look back, funny enough, um, when you approached me about this, I did look at my old pictures of me when I was like in my teens and early twenties, and I don't know, like somebody should have told me about skincare and blue eyeshadow, because blue eyeshadow is a no-no, it's not a look for everyone.
SPEAKER_01I wouldn't wear it now, but yeah, it's fine, yeah, finding those right shades. Oh gosh, the frost the frosted eyeshadow Donald. Oh, yes, frosted shadow that went all the way up to the eyeshadow. So bad. So bad. Oh god, yeah. You live and learn, don't you? You live and learn. Now we're going to do a little game of this or that. So it's supposed to be a fast uh speed round, but no one's managed that yet. So if you want to elaborate, feel free because no one, like I say, no one's done it yet. Uh so they saw that. Summer picnics or winter roasts. Oh, a summer picnics. Nice. You kept it short. Wine or cocktails? Oh, wine all the way. What's your tip all?
SPEAKER_00Oh god, I I love um well, I love a Gavy. Um, so I always have a bottle of that in the fridge. Or um just a New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc, you can't beat it, and it smells nice too. Yeah, nice city breaks or a week on a beach.
SPEAKER_01Beach all the time. Yeah, I love the beach. I love it so much. Well, funnily enough, we kind of chatted about this earlier. School run chats or bedtime chats.
SPEAKER_00Oh well, probably bedtime chats because that's they're much more quality, you know, with the kids.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Gym workout or a long walk. Oh. Oh.
SPEAKER_00Oh, I don't know. I love walking. I love walking for obviously obvious reasons, and I love um going out with a coffee and walking with a friend. But then I do like to know that I've done a proper workout. Ah, but then do we like a gym?
SPEAKER_01No, I don't like being in the gym. I don't like the gym. I was paying for the gym for about a year and just and just didn't go. And I was like, this is that could have been a savings account, and I just had to I had to have been here. I was like, I don't want to go, I don't like it. I don't like the treadmill. I don't, I just don't. So it's gone. Yeah, it's gone from my life. But I do, I am still doing I'm playing paddle now, you see. So and I'm out walking, so hopefully it's enough. Hopefully it's enough. Recipes or cooking by instinct.
SPEAKER_00Okay, can I just slightly elaborate on this? You can caveat, yeah. Okay, so I I I don't know if I can answer that because a lot of what I do is instinct, it's all about taste. Um, so you know, yes, I will look at a recipe and I write recipes, but I do love to go on in you just know what's gonna work. So, yeah, a birata with some pesto is always gonna work, or some roasted tomatoes with some balsamic is always gonna work. So it's sweet and salty. So, yeah, yeah, that's a hard one. Probably, yeah, just winging it.
SPEAKER_01Wing it. Okay, well, go by instinct, and then once you discover what the dish is, then you've got a recipe. Exactly. Exactly. Skin care or makeup splurge, what are you more likely to do?
SPEAKER_00I don't really wear a lot of makeup because I don't really know how to wear makeup. I do know how to wear makeup, but I can get it wrong. So I'd rather invest in skincare. But that said, I got this and I I bought this because the winter has been so long, I would say, that I got this amazing like bronzer. Don't know if you could actually see that. And it's the only thing that makes me feel like sunshine. And people go, Oh, do you look like you glow? And I'm like, Yeah, it's my bronzer. But it's amazing. Um, so yes, I I probably wear bronzer and mascara, and that's probably about as far as in a blusher. But that's about it. So, yeah, probably skincare. That was not the answer you really wanted, but they no, that's perfect.
SPEAKER_01That's it. It was one or the other, do what you like. Online shopping or in-store browsing. Oh, in-store browsing every day. Me too. Oh, although to be fair, I do like a bit of both, but I do love to touch and feel things.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, see it right there and try and spine and pretend that this is gonna really work. Whereas I get so disappointed where I've bought loads of stuff online and it's mounting up because I'll never take it to the uh post office. Um, so yeah, I hate myself for that really. So, yeah, it probably should be in-person shopping. I much prefer that.
SPEAKER_01Well, you mentioned the laundry in the background, so I'm gonna go with messy kitchen or perfectly tidy space.
SPEAKER_00So I love a tidy space. I I think for me, for my mental health, it's like super important. So I know I'm sat here with all this laundry around me. Um, so I probably should feeling should feel quite stressed, but I don't. I don't because I know that it's all gonna go away in a minute. But um, no, tidy space always. Um, nothing better than waking up in the morning to a tidy bedroom or a tidy kitchen, or you know, yeah, super cool.
SPEAKER_01When you when you when you really sort of just use that last allowance of energy and cleaned down the surfaces and loaded the dishwasher, and then when you come down in the morning, I'm like, oh, thank you last night, me. I have to say that to myself sometimes when uh you know, you know, when the the cars run out of petrol and you've got to get up and I don't know, go somewhere early the next day, and I think, oh, can I be bothered to do it now? And I think, no, no, no, do it for the Katie of the morning. She says she's gonna love you, but you did it now. Donna, I always like to finish with my guest leaving a recommendation for our listener. Is there something in your life right now that you're loving other than your bronzer, um, or maybe a show you've been watching, or a website that's helped you, or a hobby? Is there something that you can recommend?
SPEAKER_00Oh god, I think the bronzer probably would have been my recommendation. Only because it's the only thing, as I say, that's got me through this whole winter. Yeah, and I actually just feel really good about myself. So it you know, might have a grey day, but if I put a bit of bronzer on, I just feel amazing. So that it that probably is my recommendation. I barely watch TV actually, just because Oh really? Yeah, I I love TV and my background is television, but sometimes like screen exposure and and scrolling on your phone can just sort of be a bit too much. But um, I think to make myself feel good, um yeah, it's this bronzer. Um and I've had I've had Cozas, I don't know that. Yeah, I think they've been around for years anyway.
SPEAKER_01And it's just something that makes you feel like you've put on a little bit of armour for the day or brightened your just brightened you up.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, just yeah, brings me to life, and I just know I can take the world on because I am glowing. So yeah. Fantastic. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Well, Donna, it's been such a nice chat. And again, thank you so much for on behalf of I'm sure people out there that have are going through loss as well, that you are so open about your journey because I'm sure it's really helped a lot of people. And I'm really wishing you the best of luck with the with the walk. No, what was the name of it again? Um The After Movement. The After Movement. Well, look out for that and go and follow Donna on her Instagram. You're at The Curious Mummy. Yes, that's right. That's me. Go find out. She's in a lovely yellow dress in her picture, bringing sunshine to your to your outfit in your world. And thank you so much for listening. I'll be back next week with another episode of the 40 Plus Life. But Donna, thank you again. It's been really, really lovely. Thank you so much for having me. It's been brilliant. Well, if you enjoyed that, please do like, subscribe, and leave me a review because it will really help me get the podcast out there. And tell your friends, I'll see you next week.