Breaking Bad Habits Is Bad Advice.

I'm guessing you have tried to quit things, break habits, told yourself you need more willpower and then as if on auto pilot, found yourself right back where you started?!

That is not a you problem, that is a STRATEGY problem.

Willpower is not a system, and breaking habits is not how change actually works.

This is the episode I share the framework that changed everything about how I approach habits, how I coach my clients, and how I actually made the changes in my own life stick.

I call it The Trade Up. Once you hear it, I promise, you will never think about habits the same way again.

In this episode:

• Why trying to break bad habits is setting you up to fail every single time
• What willpower actually is and why relying on it is keeping you stuck
• The Trade Up framework and exactly how to use it in your real life
• Why this works when everything else hasn't
• How to apply it this week to the one habit you keep failing at

Loved this episode? Share it with a woman who needs to hear it right now

Find me on Instagram //www.instagram.com/_nicoleabbott/ 

Ready for more? https://www.nicoleabbott.co/

🎙️ A review on Apple Podcasts takes 60 seconds and helps more women find this show. I'd genuinely love you for it.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

I want to talk about willpower and specifically why it doesn't work. Not because you're weak, not because you lack discipline, not because you don't want it badly enough, because willpower is the wrong tool for the job. This is Next Level with Nick. I'm Nicole Abbott, high performance health and identity coach, surfer and mum of three. This podcast is for the woman who wants to feel amazing, sustain her success, and love the life she's building. We talk all the good stuff, no fluff and no filters. Let's go. Every woman I've ever worked with has tried to force her way through a habit change at some point. Cut the wines, stop the scrolling, exercise consistently, and she does it for a week, maybe two, then real life happens and she stops. Then she decides the problem is her. Problem isn't her. You see, no one ever explains how habits actually work. And that is what I'm going to talk about today. By the end of this episode, you're going to have a framework that works not for a week, for life. Every single habit you have exists for a reason. Your brain is not stupid. When it notices you doing something repeatedly, it files that behavior away as a solution to something. That evening wine is a solution to the stress of the day. The phone scroll after lunch is a solution to the afternoon energy crash. The chips at 3 p.m. are a solution to the blood sugar dip. These habits are not character flaws. They are your brain doing exactly what it was designed to do, finding the fastest way to relief. Here is where willpower goes wrong. Willpower tries to override the need. It says, no wine tonight, stop scrolling, put the chips down. But the need is still there. The stress is still there, the energy crash is still there, the blood sugar dip is still there. So your brain, as efficient as always, goes looking for another way to meet that need. And it will find one, and it probably won't be the one you're hoping for. You don't drink the wine, but you eat the chocolate. You put the phone down, but you rate the pantry. You see, willpower is not a strategy, it's a battle with your own biology. And your biology will win every time. So what actually works? This is a hack I came up with and I named it the trade-up. The trade-up is where you don't break a habit, you replace the habit. You find something that meets the same need, the same underlying need that the habit was always trying to meet, but it serves you better. Something accessible, realistic, something you actually enjoy. And you do that instead consistently until it becomes your new automatic. There are three steps to the trade-up. Step one, identify the habit and the need that it's meeting. Be very honest here. Step two, find the trade-up. Something that meets the same need but moves you forward. Step three, do it consistently until it becomes automatic. Then trade up again if there's further to go. This is not willpower, it is replacement. Trust me, it works and it will change everything. When I was running my real estate business, I loved a glass of wine. Not at a level anyone would have flagged as excessive, completely functional, and normal from the outside, but let me walk you through what it actually looked like. I'd have a wine to celebrate a sale, a wine when a sale fell through, a wine while I was working on a listing at night, a wine while I was cooking dinner, every peak, every crash, every stressful day, every moment that needed marking, a drink was the answer. When I decided I wanted to stop, I tried willpower, I did dry July, sober October. Then after that, I told myself I wasn't going to drink in the week. That lasted a few days because as soon as a stressful sediment would take place or something would fall through, I would pour a glass of wine without even thinking about it. Because I wasn't addressing the actual problem. I didn't have a drinking problem. I had a transition ritual problem. I needed something that told my nervous system that you can come down now. You are safe to rest. A drink was the thing I had been using to deliver that message. So I found a trade-up. Non-alcoholic margaritas at first, then I would go to kombucha, then eventually just lime and soda in a nice glass at the end of the day. Same ritual, same signal to my brain, same nervous system release, but zero alcohol. That is the trade-up. 10 trade-ups you can start today. I'm going to give you 10 examples, real ones, of trade-ups that I have made myself over the past few years. As I'm saying them, mentally mark which ones apply to you because you're going to need them for your next level move. 1. Evening wine to lime mineral water. You just heard the story. The need is transition, the ritual stays, the alcohol goes. 2. Post-lunch phone scroll. 10 minute longie. The need is a break, a reset, a moment away from your screen, the longy delivers it and it regulates your blood sugar at the same time. So you're getting two for one. Three, sitting in the car on your phone at the kids' sport. 10 minutes of guided meditation or a walk around the oval. You need the decompression. You do not need to be sitting on Instagram while your kid is out there giving it everything. 4. Collapsing on the couch the second the kids are in bed. Ten minutes on the roller whilst you watch your show. The need is to stop, to feel like the day is done. The roller meets that need and your body will thank you for it. 5. Afternoon coffee number 3. Ceremonial cacao. The need is an energy lift and a sensory experience. Cacao delivers that and so much more. And you'll actually sleep tonight. 6. Coffee on an empty stomach. Gut healing drink first or a protein coffee. So a scoop of protein powder in your coffee, it'll blunt the cortisol spike. Seven, a brain cluster where you have too many tabs open that you can't focus on anything. The mind dump. Everything out of your head onto paper. Your brain is for thinking, not storage. Eight, cereal or white toast for breakfast. A high protein smoothie. Takes the same time but a completely different blood sugar response for the next few hours. 9. Before bed scroll. A chapter of a book. The need is wind down. Your brain needs something to do that is not a screen. 10. Phone alarm to a sunrise alarm. The need is to wake up, the sunrise alarm meets that need without that cortisol spike of that screen in your face first thing in the morning. The first trade up doesn't have to be the final destination. You're not going to go from wine to a green juice in one step. Nobody does that. You go from wine to non-alcoholic margies, and when it's automatic, you trade up again if you want to go to something else. Or you don't. Progress is not perfection. Progress is better than nothing. Start with one, not ten. Just one. I gave you ten examples, and I know your brain has probably already found eight that apply to you. That is great, but I just want you to pick one. The one that if you did, it would make the biggest difference. The one that you've been wanting to change or avoiding the longest. Start there. Master that, make it automatic, then come back for the next one. The trade-up has to actually appeal to you. It can't be a punishment, not the healthy thing you secretly hate and you're only doing out of guilt. If the trade-up doesn't genuinely appeal, find a different one. The only version of this that works is the one that you're actually going to do. Your next level move. Think about those trade-ups and the ones that apply to you. Then pick one. The habit that's been bugging you the most, the one you've been trying to change and failed, the one where if you actually did the trade-up, you would feel so much of a difference immediately. Identify the need it's meeting and find your trade-up. Do that instead this week. Not perfectly, consistently. This is your 1% and your 1% compounds. Don't just listen and move on. Grab a pen, write down your next level move, and actually do it this week. That one thing is your 1% and your 1% compounds. If this resonated or someone in your life needs to hear it, share it. Find me on Instagram at underscore NicoleAbbott or head to NicoleAbbott.co. See you next week.