Welcome to episode six of Up and Not Crying. I am your host, Beth Repp, an MD and certified life coach. Up and Not Crying is a Norwegian phrase, which is an honest and funny response to, "How are you today?" In this podcast, you will learn self-improvement and coaching tools to engineer your mindset, your mood, and your schedule. We're going to make your real life feel better. That real life with your dusty car, your messy house, your cranky kids, your overwhelming schedule, your real life, we're gonna make it feel better. In this episode, today's episode, episode six, we're gonna talk all about resistance. So let's start just by defining what resistance is. The basic definition is the act of opposing something. I'm first gonna go through good resistance, and then we're gonna talk about the unnecessary resistance that we could all benefit from dropping. Good resistance. The first example of good resistance, the most obvious example, is strength training. So your muscles are opposing force, they're overcoming a force to grow strength. It's a great, great form of resistance. Number two, when making decisions, you should listen to that little voice of resistance in you. Should I take this job? Should I take on this volunteer position? Should I, start this book club? When making decisions, if it's not a hell yes, it's a no. So really listen to that resistance within you. If it's not a hell yes, it's a no. When something goes against your essential self, you're gonna feel some internal resistance, and it may be very slight, but it will be there. And you should start to really pay attention to that so that you don't just drift ever so slowly over time, farther and farther away from your essential self. A brief review here. Your essential self is similar to who you were when you were six, seven, eight, nine years old. It is essentially what lights you up. It's what you like to listen to, what you like to watch, what you are good at, what you naturally gravitate towards, the people you naturally gravitate towards. It is different from your social self, which is who we all become after society molds us. So if you're constantly making decisions that are in line with your social self but are ignoring your essential self desires, you over time will be less and less joyful and less happy When something goes against your values, either individually or as a society, When something goes against our values, we will feel the resistance, and we should act on that resistance, okay? This is what John Lewis referred to as good trouble. Get yourself into some good trouble to protect our individual and societal values. A gut feeling is a form of very valuable resistance. If you're getting a gut feeling about someone, about going with someone or meeting someone, trust that negative little alarm system, that gut feeling. That is a good form of resistance. But once we've made a decision and we feel good about that decision, and you're doing something that's just a normal part of your every day, let's talk about dropping the unnecessary, painful, pointless resistance. So let's drop the resistance of what is, of just what is happening. A lot of us walk around all day unknowingly resisting a lot of things. So we're getting irritated by something someone said, we're getting irritated in traffic, we're getting irritated with this or that, and at the end of the day, you've got shoulder aching, maybe your jaw aches. You feel kind of a, a constant need for a massage 'cause you have just this repetitive use of your shoulders just because you're simply resisting your whole day. Let's start to go through some examples of this Walking the dog. So you might be walking the dog before work, thinking about your to-do list, thinking about getting there on time, and you're annoyed that this dog is doing what a dog does, sniffing, taking its time to find that perfect place of grass to do its business, and you're kind of resisting. You're, you're trying to rush it. You're trying to rush it along, and you're just getting more and more irritated. So just drop the resistance. You can't rush the dog doing its business. Let a dog be a dog. Feeling cold. So I notice this when I'm starting to feel cold. I'll kinda tense up and get irritated that it's cold, and that is like peeing in the wind. Okay? So I can't get irritated that it's co- it's just cold. It's cold, it's hot. I can't control whether it's cold or it's hot, and the more I tense up against the cold, it actually makes it worse. So when I think, "Yeah, it's cold," just relax. Just be cold for a few minutes until you can get into the house. Just be cold. It's okay. It actually makes it much better. When we rush through tasks, that's a form of resistance. So when we're annoyed with the traffic and we're trying to rush, we're annoyed with road construction, we're annoyed with a slow checker at the grocery store, this is a form of resistance 'cause us sitting in our car being annoyed that we're sitting there and there's road construction happening is not actually getting us there any faster. It's just adding to our own suffering. It's just internal resistance. We're not fixing anything. We're not getting there faster. We're not improving the employee's performance at the grocery store. We're just having internal clenching, muscle tension resistance. At work, when we're sitting at our computer and looking at our schedule or looking at our task list and we're hunched over, our shoulders are up and tight around our ears, that's just having resistance to the day. It's having resistance to everything that is to come. It doesn't help anything. So instead of having kind of this clear mind to look at everything that's going on and say, "Okay, we need to do this. We need to do this. Let's kinda make this more efficient or that more efficient," when you're just sitting there resisting and, dreading, it's counterproductive to your day When you want people around you to be different than who they are. Now, this is different from giving feedback or direction to your employees or children. This means you're just simply annoyed by people all day. So you're not attempting to coach them or parent them or be a good role model. You're just annoyed, and that only adds resistance to your own day. Now, don't confuse dropping the resistance with passively not taking action. Passively not taking action is just moving through your day like a soft lump and just letting everything happen to you, being totally not a part of anything, just letting everything happen to you. You can take very clear action throughout your day, having minimal resistance to it. In fact, I think you can take more clear and effective action through the day once you've dropped your generalized resistance to everything. So you can say, "Let's move that meeting. Let's have this patient see that, that specialty instead. That's gonna be more beneficial for everybody. Let's change our dinner plans because I'm gonna be getting home a little later. Let's start the bedtime routine a little earlier tonight since it seems like you're tired and a little more irritable." You just start to see things a little more clearly instead of being overwhelmed by everything that seems annoying to you. So when you feel like everything's annoying and bad, then small shifts don't really seem like they'll make any difference. You're just kind of, uh, submitting to the negative You can develop several results in your life as the effect of this long-term, kind of chronic daily resistance. So first of all, your people, your people in your life are going to feel this resistance coming off of you. Even if you're not saying anything to them, it will affect your relationships. We, we've all felt this from other people. When you feel kinda someone wanting you to be different, It doesn't feel good. They don't have to specifically say anything to you. You can tell, and it doesn't feel like a fun place to be in that relationship So when you're doing this to someone else, for example um, when you think to yourself like, "I can't stand his laugh when we're out and, and he's so loud and so annoying. I can't stand his laugh." Your person knows that. They will feel it. So simply just love your people. Just delight in them. Like a fine painting in a museum, you wouldn't stand in front of a classic beautiful painting in a museum with tight shoulders and a tight jaw saying, "Ah, it shouldn't be this way. I don't Ah, I need to fix that. I don't like that. I need to make this painting different." You wouldn't do that. You would simply stand and appreciate it. So simply love your people. Let them be exactly who they are and stop. Stop trying to control other people in your immediate life Okay. Another effect of daily resistance will be a decline in your health. Health problems secondary to chronic muscle tension and chronic shoulder tension include the following. So I just did a quick search for this. What are health problems secondary to chronic muscle tension in the shoulders and in the jaw? And this is what I come across. Now, you could Google any- where- wherever you hold your tension. Myofascial pain syndrome, tension neck syndrome, tension headaches, rotator cuff strain and tendonitis, nerve compression, chronic fatigue. So just, just think about that. Like, I wanna give you a really vivid example of this. I want you to bring this to mind whenever you're just feeling this unnecessary resistance in your body. So during the medieval crusades, this would've been in the 1200s, there was a siege in Jerusalem called the Siege of Acre, and at that time, these medieval cities were enclosed by tall stone walls. And during this siege, soldiers threw their bodies and shoulders against this gate that was an entrance into this, peripheral wall around the city. So they were throwing themselves against this gate, which was made of wood and iron, and reinforced interiorly with these crossbars. So a very strong, tough gate. And this was their, what they felt was their only way in. So their attempts to just ram themselves into it proved utterly useless. And in fact, many of these men broke their own shoulders, broke their collar bones. They literally broke their bodies flinging themselves against this iron and wooden gate. So I just want you to imagine that. Like, what you're doing all day by just resisting all these unnecessary things is not only useless, it is leading to long-term health problems for you by just simply not accepting what is, by not accepting that there's road construction, by not accepting that, yes, today is gonna be a busier day at work, by not accepting that, yes, people say things that I have no control over. Other people have moods that I have no control over. This is simply what is You also will overall have decreased happiness and satisfaction with life. Your overall satisfaction will, with life will be down if your entire day is spent resisting your alarm clock, resisting your drive to work, resisting your day at work, resisting the people in your household. You will hold yourself back by being less positive, less open, and overall less effective in your life. And finally, it just kinda makes everything worse. It's kind of a self-fulfilling prophecy, and let me give you an example of this. So in my, uh, profession of ophthalmology, I give patients injections of medicine into their eye for various conditions, the main one being macular degeneration. So when patients are receiving an injection from me into their eye, they have already had this discussion with me. They have decided they want to proceed with it. They have consented to it. So if someone was coming at me randomly with a needle trying to stab me in the eye, of course I would resist. You should resist. That would be crazy. But in this setting, these patients are willingly consenting to it for a safe, sterile procedure in order to help their vision. Okay? But many patients will really resist the procedure, will really tense up. So they will squeeze, squeeze, squeeze those eyelids tight shut, which really makes it more difficult to get in a little eyelid speculum that helps hold the eyelids open. And then when they're really squeezing shut, I don't have good access to where I need to put the needle, where I need to clean the surface of the eye and put the needle. And when they're really squeezing shut, they aren't really able to look in the direction I need them to look. So all of these things add up to a more painful procedure and more... much higher likelihood of complication. So patients, by thinking, "This is going to be painful, and I might have a complication," and acting on that in that way, actually increase their pain and likelihood of a complication. So it's a self-fulfilling prophecy. So I want you to also kinda carry around that thought with you, this image of people just squeezing their eyelids tight, tight shut even though they have consented and they want to receive this injection. And then I want you to do for yourself what I will do for those patients in that setting. I'll say, "Okay, try not to squeeze. Just really relax. Really relax tho- relax those lids. Try not to squeeze. Take a deep breath." Okay, do that for yourself Now, how do we drop this resistance? The first thing, number one, in dropping our resistance to just the daily menial things of life is simply to notice. That's a common theme you'll find throughout this podcast is honestly just simply developing awareness and starting to notice can make a huge difference. So when you're out walking the dog, when you're irritated by the weather, when you're irritated by road construction, just notice, like, "Ugh, I'm having resistance to something I cannot do anything about. It's only making my life worse." Just notice. Then number two, actually think the thought in your mind, "Drop the resistance. Drop the resistance." Number three, physically adjust. So relax your shoulders. Just take a deep breath and kinda let them sink. Relax your shoulders, and push your crown of your head, so kind of the top, more posterior part of the head, push the crown of your head to the sky, to the sun, okay? So just relax your shoulders. Press your head up towards the sky. That just helps you sit up, stand up. It just releases all that forward pressure on your neck and in your shoulders. Number four, take a deep breath. Take a few deep breaths. And then number five, simply let things be as they are. Let them be as they are. Accept what is. You sitting there in a curled up, tight, shallow-breathing position isn't changing it anyways, so just let things be as they are. I love this quote from the book Wisdom Untethered, "Real freedom is not controlling life so it doesn't disturb you, but getting to a place where nothing has the power to disturb you. Don't overthink it. Just watch. Notice when something inside you gets triggered, and instead of getting lost in it, relax. Let it pass. Let it go." Okay, everybody. So let's review. Let's review. What is resistance? To resist simply means to oppose, and there's good resistance like weightlifting, opposing things that fundamentally go against your values, uh, paying attention to that really valuable gut feeling, when your engine light is going off that something just isn't aligning with your essential self. All of those things are really good forms of resistance that you should pay attention to and act on. But then there's this unnecessary pathologic resistance that we have, which is chronic, daily, and useless. It leads to nothing but a modern-day version of a broken shoulder. Okay? So just let things be as they are. Let the dog sniff. Let the construction workers do their jobs. Let your kid be cranky. Let the schedule unfold at work. Now, this is different from passively not taking action in your life. You can take clear action throughout the day with minimal or no resistance. So again, you're gonna say, "Let's move that meeting. Let's move that patient. Let's change this. Let's change that. Let's adjust our schedule," much more clearly when you're not walking around tight and resisting everything. The results of having this chronic daily resistance in your life include strained relationships, health problems and pain, decreased efficacy at work, and decreased satisfaction with life and decreased happiness Now, if you take one thing from this episode, it is this: just notice your unnecessary resistance. Resistance to what you've already decided to do, to your normal daily tasks, and in some cases, your entire day. Feel the tension, and then just drop it. All right, friends, until next week, stay upright, find the good, and if you can't find the good, at least make it funny. You can find me at bethrep.com, B-E-T-H-R-E, P as in pizza, P as in pizza, .com, hello@bethrep.com, or Beth Rep Coaching on Facebook. And the disclaimer: the content presented in this podcast is for general information only. Reliance on the information provided is done at your own risk. All right, see you next week for episode seven. Bye, everybody.