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Welcome to Up and Not Crying. This is your host, Beth Repp. I am an MD and certified life coach. Up and not crying is a Norwegian phrase that you can give in response to someone asking, "How are you today?" It is a small win to start the day. In this podcast, you will learn self-improvement and coaching tools to engineer your mindset, your mood, and your schedule. We're gonna make your real life feel better. In this episode, episode 18, we're gonna talk about the basic themes of our common problems. So what does that mean? We all, as humans, have the same basic problems. Now, it may not seem like this. It may seem like you're going through something really unique and hard to understand and difficult to process, but when you blow the dust off the details, when you blow the dust of the details off, underneath it all, we all have the same basic problems. Betrayal, grief, disease, bankruptcy or money struggles, heartbreak, self-sacrifice, unrequited love, unrealized dreams, intense work stress, mental illness, addiction, oppression, war zones, injustice, family dynamics. You can really boil down our main problems into a few themes. Each morning I tend to read just a few little things to get the day started, and Marcus Aurelius was the emperor of Rome over 2,000 years ago, and he has a book called Meditations. This was just his personal journal that was kept and then later discovered and turned into a book of, great wisdom. And something that he wrote in there was, "Everything that happens is as simple and familiar as the rose in spring, the fruit in summer: disease, death, blasphemy, conspiracy." So I was thinking about this kind of topic last week, and I came across that reading and I thought, "That is perfect. Everything that happens is as simple and familiar as the rose in spring or the fruit in summer." Let's go through the basic themes of the problems that come up throughout literature and film. So when you Google how many books are in the world, can you take a guess? So it's really unknown, because, some books are unpublished, some things will never be read. But they think that there are over 150 million unique published books in existence. Now, some of these are gonna be, you know, instruction manuals on how to do plumbing and stuff, so, not everything applies here. But out of 150 million unique books, a lot of them, both fiction and nonfiction, are gonna follow a few themes, and most movies follow these same themes, and I'm gonna go through them. So the first theme is good versus evil. So you have this fight either with an external source of evil or it's kind of an internal moral struggle or an internal source of evil. So good examples of this would be Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, or Fight Club, where he's kind of fighting this internal evil The next main theme of books and film is the hero's journey, and this one is so common. This is where the main character leaves their comfort zone for whatever reason. They're driven from their comfort zone. They face a series of trials, achieve a victory, and return transformed. A lot of Disney movies are the hero's journey, so that's The Lion King, Moana. Superhero movies are often the hero's journey. Rocky, Top Gun, classic hero's journeys. The next theme is love and romance, and this can be your basic romantic love, with your rom-coms, but today we're, of course, talking about problems. So we're gonna talk about the, strained family bonds, unrequited love, sacrifice for love and for family, and heartbreak. Common ones are Titanic and Legends of the Fall. Legends of the Fall kinda hits on all of those. The next theme is identity and belonging, where a character is searching for their personal identity, for self-discovery, belonging, figuring out their place in the world. A great book about this is Born a Crime by Trevor Noah. It's an excellent book. And a fun movie that hits on these themes of identity and belonging is School of Rock. Our next theme is man versus a few things, man versus nature, man versus so- society, or man versus himself. This is where there's, a conflict where the character fights against some type of environmental force, some type of oppressive social system, or they're fighting against their own personal flaws. A lot of these movies are set within war or within an oppressive political system. An example of this is the book and then the TV series, The Handmaid's Tale. The movie Cast Away is about man versus nature. When a Man Loves a Woman is about man versus self, an addiction movie The next main theme is revenge and justice, the pursuit of retribution, righting past wrongs, and exploring this, this nature of vengeance and, how it can be really destructive. The Count of Monte Cristo, I have not yet read the book. It's one of my husband's favorite books, and I need to read it. We did just watch the series, though, on PBS, which is outstanding. So that is a classic revenge and justice book. The next theme is death and mortality. Coping with loss, grief, disease, fear of aging, search for meaning in our temporary mortal existence. Classic examples of that would be Steel Magnolias, the movie Philadelphia, the movie Still Alice, which is a more recent one. So those are kind of our main themes of problems, of dramas that go on in literature and in movies. So why do I bring all this up? This seems like, kind of a bummer today, right? Well, when you're going through something, it can sometimes feel very isolating. It can feel like... No one's gonna understand. No one has gone through this before. No one knows what I'm going through. This is very embarrassing. There's a lot of shame here. I don't want anybody to know. You live in secret. And that just way compounds the problem, because I promise you, people have been through it before. The details may look a little bit different, but we all have these same themes and these same problems. And I want you to remember, if you're afraid, okay, if somebody finds this out about me, they're gonna judge me, 'cause they don't have these problems. Well, I promise you, everyone has some type of problem on this list. And oftentimes, to kinda paraphrase Brené Brown, she says, "Where we judge other people is where we ourselves are most susceptible to shame ourselves." So remember, if you're afraid of someone else's judgment about a problem, they themselves might be feeling kind of vulnerable or scared because they might have a similar problem. So it just levels everything. It just levels everything. We all have the same problems. We all have similar problems. And say someone does find out about your problem, and they're super Judge Judy about it, you might kind of have this little insight that maybe they have some similar problems or some other problems that they're afraid of getting judged about, and that's why they have that reaction. So just kinda keep that in mind and know that we're all the same. We all have the same basic problems. What compounds the actual problem is this feeling that we're alone in going through it, that we're unique, that no one's gone through it, no one would understand. It just makes it so much worse So how can you start to get a little bit of distance or relief or, be able to take a deep breath and step away from your problems? First of all, ask yourself, "So what am I going through?" It might seem so obvious 'cause it's probably on your frontal lobe all the time. It might be all you're thinking about. But really start to investigate this. What am I going through? And first of all, get out all the details. And you can just think this through, or you can write it out. And if you have someone who knows what you're going through, a trusted person, tell them. Get out all the details. And then ask yourself, "What is the theme here?" We went through the most common ones, but I'm sure I missed one or two. But what's the underlying theme here? I'm gonna go through a few examples. Let's say you have a new diagnosis of breast cancer, and of course, you're gonna be going through all the, the problems of dealing with being sick and having symptoms and going through procedures and chemotherapy and the logistics of all of that, and the schedule changes and missing work, and that's all problematic. But the deeper theme here is dealing with our mortality. Okay, let's talk about the next one. You move to a new city, and moving, even when you want to move and it's exciting and you have this new job or, and you're newly married and you move to a new city, even these exciting transitions in life can be extraordinarily stressful. So you move to a new city, and you've got, again, all the logistics and daily stressors of figuring out your transportation. Where is my job? What job am I gonna have? How am I gonna get there? When you first move, you need to go through all these bureaucratic things, and you're dealing with all the stressors of that. But the deeper theme when you move or make a big transition in life is identity and belonging, and this can be a, it's stressful under the surface. Our next example is having a new baby. Again, incredibly life-changingly joyful, but you're dealing with, again, all the logistics and the day-to-day stressors, the fatigue, the lack of sleep, the figuring out the feeding schedules, and the logistics of leaving the house, and, taking care of this tiny being safely. But our deeper theme here is what's my identity now, and what's my loss of prior identity? Self-sacrifice, the double-edged sword of loving someone so much, the possibility of losing that. There are these deeper themes that come with having a new baby that can add a lot of stress. Our next example is having a lot of frustration, anger, or helplessness over politics or political decisions or situations. You might kinda think about all these at surface level details or irritations or can you believe they did that? But the underlying themes here are injustice, oppression, this feeling of a loss of control. Our next example is, this might seem silly on the surface, but balding, wrinkles, varicose veins. You might just think, "Well, you know, I just don't feel like I look as good, and that's frustrating." But our deeper themes here are facing aging, our mortality, what's our identity now the next example is going through a divorce, and I don't have to tell anybody how stressful divorce would be. But again, you're dealing with all the stressors of a new living situation and the logistics of all of this change and separating money and dealing with the animosity between you and this person, but our deeper theme is betrayal, heartbreak. Again, new identities. Who am I now? Our next example, money struggles. Money struggles can be part of the hero's journey, where the hero goes through all sorts of trials to get out the other side. It could be man versus society when you have, Societal injustices. It could be man versus self, where perhaps you have a shopping addiction or a gambling addiction, and you're overcoming that man versus self or man versus internal evil situations. So there's an underlying theme to basic money struggles. The next one, stressful family dynamics. Maybe this person in your family is a constant source of irritation for you. But the underlying theme might be sacrifice, injustice. There's a lot of feelings of injustice within families. Why do they get all of that and I don't? These feelings of belonging, and again, identity, and perhaps grief over the loss of what you thought the relationship was or the loss of what the relationship previously was, and that person is no longer, for whatever reason, able to meet you in that capacity Okay, so let's go back a minute here. When you're kinda trying to get a little bit of space from your problems, you first wanna go through all the details. What are all the details of my problem? Number two, what's the theme? And we just went through lots of different examples of your problem and what could be a larger underlying theme. And then the next question to ask yourself is, has anyone gone through something like this before? I promise you, spoiler alert, the answer is always yes. Someone has gone through something like this before. So this is not to downplay the problem, but it is to give you a little relief, perspective, a little help, a little distance to feel a little less intense about this problem, a little less alone. And then ask yourself, "Who or what can I turn to for inspiration or role modeling? What blueprint can I use to get through this? Is there a book? Is there a movie? Is there someone that I can think of that has been through this? Can I meet with a therapist or a coach, someone that can guide me through this using examples of other people that have been through it? Who can I talk to?" So remember, this is all part of your personal hero's journey. And let's just talk a little bit more again about the hero's journey. This is where the main character, the protagonist, and you are the protagonist in your life. You are the main character. This is where you leave your comfort zone, whatever it is. You're having significant money troubles at the moment. You're going through major relationship problems. You have to move across the country. You're leaving your comfort zone. You face a series of trials, big and small. You achieve some type of victory, and you return transformed. So this is often described as a road of trials. How will you transform? How can you use this to better yourself? How might this trial possibly Is there any possible way that this is working for you? Is there any possible way that someone out there could interpret this problem if they had it, could interpret this problem as a gift? How is this making you someone you wouldn't be otherwise? How is it making you more wise, more strong, more of a role model? How could this be interpreted somehow, some way as a gift? So to review, whatever problem you're going through right now has a whole lot of detail to it, unique details to you. But once you dust off the surface of the details, there's gonna be an underlying theme, and it might help you to identify what that theme is so that you can then plug it into a blueprint of the other people that have encountered this theme before, books, movies, personal development books, a therapist, a coach, someone that can meet with you who has been through something similar or read something similar or can guide you to someone who's been through something similar. There's gonna be something that can help guide you through this that you can use as a blueprint to get through it. Because the problem is not gonna be the thing that really devastates you. It's the feeling of being alone with your problem that is really devastating So if you take one thing from this episode, it is this: the details of our problems might be unique, but our overall problems are not, and I want you to use that to find strength and help. I'm gonna leave you with this fun quote. We are reading, as a family right now, out loud before bed each night, the Millicent Quibb books, which are really fun. We're on book two now. These are, children's or middle reader books written by Kate McKinnon. This quote is great. She says, "Well, unfortunately, my dearest reader, as one ages and acquires a wider perspective on the history of our funny little species, one sees that the push/pull of peace and war, equanimity and insanity, equality and disparity, fairness and greed, it never does stop. The side you agree with will lose, and then it will win, and then it will lose again, and then win again, and on and on. I'm sorry to have to tell you, but this is the way of the world. Like the eternal ocean, the tides never cease, and so the only thing to do is try your best to fight for what you believe in and have a little fun along the way, yes?" Isn't that great? All right, friends, until next week, stay upright, find the good, and if you can't find the good, at least make it funny. You can find me at bethrepp.com, hello@bethrepp.com, or Beth Repp Coaching on Facebook. And finally, the disclaimer: the content presented in this podcast is for general information only. Reliance on the information provided is done at your own risk. All right, everybody, until next Tuesday. I'll be back with episode 19. Have a great week.