Ep. 17 The Right Room (What Happens When a Pattern Releases in Public)

lost my voice at a women's event. Not metaphorically - I actually lost it. And it turned out to be the most visible I'd ever felt. This episode is about what it looks like when a pattern releases somewhere you didn't plan, a room full of women who actually get it, and what I built on the other side of that moment.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hey, I'm Leslie Turner. I'm a mom, a somatic practitioner, and an intuitive coach. This is the intuitive drop. Short conversations about emotional truth, the nervous system, and living from your intuition in real life without losing your mind along the way. Let's drop in.

SPEAKER_01 0:18

Hey everybody. Welcome to another episode of The Intuitive Drop. I'm very excited that you're here. I'm very excited that I get to speak to you about something that's really fresh in my mind. And as is true Leslie Style, this episode is a story. This is a story that starts in my living room two weeks ago with an involuntary sob. And it ends in a room full of women who spoke my name when I had no voice left to speak it for myself. And somewhere in the middle of those two weeks, something I had always wanted, but never felt good enough to build became possible. Now, I ask you to stay with me. My voice isn't back a hundred percent. I still have a bit of a head cold, but I'm gonna do my best. And if I cough, I'll edit that part out. So the scene is two weeks ago, living room. I was venting to my husband. It had been a quiet week, work-wise, the kind of quiet that feels less like rest and more like waiting. We had just come back from Florida, a trip that, oh, was so good. It filled me up in all the ways that matter, and also left me acutely aware of the gap between where I am financially and where I want to be. My husband Jarrett had covered most of it flights, hotel, rental car, excursions, and I had covered the small things, a few meals, odds and ends, and I felt the weight of that more than I probably should have because I've come to terms with him supporting me. So I wasn't in a spiral. I was just tired and honest. And so I said the thing out loud that I know I do good work. I know what I do is transformative for women. I know I'm not supposed to quit. But after 14 years in this industry, three in this new phase, I still feel like no one knows I exist. And then I said something I didn't plan on saying. I said, I guess I still feel like I'm not enough. And before I even finished that sentence, a sob came out of my body that I didn't know was there. The kind that comes from somewhere really deep, the kind that your body's been holding for a really long time, and it finally decides to let go. My kiddo was sitting beside me. He just kind of cuddled in. And I let it move through me. That moment was actually bigger than it looks. The I'm not enough pattern isn't just a business story for me. It's been the water I've been swimming in for most of my life. A few days before that conversation, Jarrett had mentioned gently, not unkindly, because that's who he is, that I had missed something on the grocery list. And I felt it land in my body like an indictment. And it wasn't because he was angry, but because somewhere underneath the rational adult version of me, missing a few items meant I wasn't pulling my weight, wasn't enough of a partner, wasn't enough of a teammate. And I went quiet and I sat with it. And later, when I was alone, I cried. And then flooded memories of early motherhood, when Tyson was small and I needed space, when I wasn't the mom who was immediately overwhelmingly in love with every moment of motherhood. When the bonding didn't come the way I thought it was supposed to. And I carried so much shame about that. The idea that I wasn't the mother he deserved, that something must be fundamentally wrong with me for not being all googly and undone by him the way other women seem to be. And then I'm not enough in business. It was loud on the weeks that I didn't have clients or the weeks where no one was booking in consistently. So it showed up as business, as a wife, as a mother, same pattern, just different rooms. And in my living room two weeks ago, with my son leaning into my side and my husband just quietly present, a deep layer of it finally let go. And I want to remind you, this is not something you can force. It's something you have to witness. And that night something shifted. I don't know how else to describe it, except that I woke up the next morning and something that had felt impossible the day before suddenly felt like mine. A live group container, something I had wanted to create for years, but I had never felt good enough to offer. The idea had been with me for so long, always there, just out of reach, behind a wall of who am I to do this? And then suddenly the wall wasn't even there anymore. So I did something really bold and I announced it on a networking call that week without even flushing it out entirely myself. I said it out loud, mostly for the accountability piece, but it was also so that I couldn't talk myself out of it anymore. And you know what? Women started signing up. So the intuitive circle was born from a sob on the couch and a layer of not being enough, not feeling like enough, finally letting go. And then for the next two weeks, I moved differently. I don't mean I had it all figured out. I certainly don't. I mean there was just less resistance, less of that low hum of who do you think you are underneath everything. I'm still building, I'm still showing up and still doing the unglamorous parts of running a business, but I was doing it from a different place. Does that make sense? And this is exactly how I ended up at this mother means business with a table full of cards and 20 women wanting intuitive readings. So let's back up a little bit. A few months before this live event, this This Mother Means Business event, I reached out to Laura, who is my friend, colleague, and the woman behind this mother means business. And I asked if I could be the talent, I guess, for her VIP night. So I would do card polls, intuitive readings, and it'd be a room full of her people. Now, I want to be clear that I was okay with the no because I knew our relationship was solid enough to ask. And I trusted that if it was meant to happen, it would. If not, something else would come instead. So I had a more neutral stance on it. And gladly, she said yes. At the event, Laura talked about 10 seconds of courage from the stage. The idea that most things we're afraid to do only require 10 seconds of actual bravery, just enough to say the thing before momentum takes over. And I'd been doing that without calling it anything. I was pitching to speak at summits, saying yes to stages before I felt ready, asking for the VIP night, 10 seconds, over and over again. And each one only became available because something underneath had shifted, because the I'm not enough had a little less grip every single time. So back to the VIP dinner. I actually wasn't nervous walking into the VIP dinner, which surprised the crap out of me because I get anxious about a lot of things. I was more excited. I was curious. I was open to whatever was going to come through and confident away in a way that felt kind of quiet instead of the performed confidence. Now, what I couldn't do was eat. I couldn't fully enjoy that VIP experience as a guest because I was already in a different mode. I was on. And I wanted to do each reading justice, to be fully present for each woman who sat across from me. So I held myself there. I expected about 10 out of the 30 women that were there. 20 signed up. So one by one, we did card pulls and intuitive readings. Now I gotta say, by reading 18, 19, and 20, my body was done. It was screaming. There was a physical sensation of enough. We're finished. We need to stop. But those women had chosen this. They were curious, they had questions, they had shown up. And honestly, I wasn't willing to say, come find me tomorrow in a bigger, louder room with 160 women and a different kind of energy. So I wanted to give them what they came for that night. So I stayed at the table. Before the night even ended, Laura came up to me and said the feedback from this was incredible, that she was so happy with how it went. And I went back to the hotel room that night and lost what was left of my voice. The next morning, I walked into a room of 160 women. My voice was almost completely gone, which is so great for networking. My body was asking me to kind of stand instead of instead of sit through the speakers. I had started to have a cough with a sore throat, and I needed just to keep moving, keep regulating. A room that size holds so much energy, and I needed space inside of it. But something was different about how I moved through it. Women kept finding me and saying things like, I've been thinking about that reading from last night, or I've been saying that mantra you gave me all morning. And it was like we had our own language, a quiet thread connecting us that no one in the room, no one else in that room could see. 20 women carrying something from the night before into this day. And I was the only one who knew what each of them was holding. Laura ended up giving me a shout out from the stage, which was beautiful. I was in the event brochure and I was a bigger part of the thing, and I've never done that before. I overheard a friend and a client tell someone I didn't know, not to me, not for my benefit, but just out loud in a room I happened to be standing in that Leslie changed my life. And the woman beside me, someone from my networking group who had never actually worked with me one-on-one, turned to the woman beside her that she'd just met and said, Oh, let me tell you about Leslie. And she did, without being asked, without looking to me for cues. A woman I didn't know found me and said she'd heard from three different people that she needed to come see me. Three unprompted, unrehearsed. So I had no voice left. I couldn't explain myself. I couldn't pitch or perform or craft the right words. And it didn't matter. That night I told my husband what happened, and he said, you know, maybe you lost your voice so you could finally hear what other people say about you when you're not performing. Maybe the universe made you so quiet so you could witness the women in your life speaking your name. And that landed so well with me. Two weeks before that event, I was sobbing in the living room, feeling like no one knew I existed. And then a layer lifted. And something I'd always wanted became possible. And I walked into a room and was more visible than I have ever been online without posting, without strategizing, without forcing a single thing. And that's what happens when a pattern releases at the root. You don't have to hustle anymore. You don't have to work on better content strategy. It's a sob your body needed to have. I was with a husband who held space and a little boy who just leaned in and then I entered the right room. Here's what I want you to feel by the end of this. Not think, feel. The right room isn't luck. It's not a networking strategy. It's what becomes available to you when you stop letting the old pattern have the final word. So I built the intuitive circle because I wanted to create that room on purpose, a consistent space where women can do this work, this body-based, pattern-breaking, identity-shifting work and be witnessed by other women while they do it. Women who will speak their name when they're not in that conversation. Women who will lean in when that sob comes. Women who will hold the thread of who you're becoming when you've forgotten it yourself. That's the missing piece. Not another strategy, not more content, just the right room. So yes, I'm gonna pitch this. But you know, the message is is potent. The intuitive circle is now my virtual monthly membership. There's two live calls a month for now, a telegram community between them, and a room full of women who get it. If something in this episode landed in your body, that's not a coincidence. That's information, and I want you to trust it. All the details are on my website at Leslyturner.ca backslash the intuitive circle. The link will be in the show notes, and I'll see you in the right room.