Haistoric — It’s Fake Funny History
Dispatches from history that never happened, read aloud by our laudanum-soaked narrator. A new episode whenever a Haistoric correspondent's tale is summoned to the phonograph. Contribute your own take at www.haistoric.com
Haistoric — It’s Fake Funny History
Latest Episodes
Those Cheating Greek Bastards Halved the Marathon
How two dick-swinging twins from Athens invented relay racing and accidentally ruined jogging for everyone, forever. So get this. The year is 490 BC—give or take a decade, my subscription to the Official Historical Record is expired—and the Athen...
History Was Gayer And Hornier Than You Think
Turns out the “Great Man” theory of history was just a series of powerful dudes being absolutely dick-whipped for their boyfriends. Let’s get one thing straight (lol): history as you learned it is a lie cooked up by dusty old farts who couldn’t h...
So, God Hates Us: A World Without Beer
Humanity stumbles through a joyless, sober existence, and honestly, why the hell did we even bother getting out of the caves? Let’s get one thing straight: the agricultural revolution wasn’t about bread. Any historian who tells you our hunter-gat...
History’s Most Judgemental Bastards: When Staffy Side-Eye Toppled Feudalism
That time a stout little dog looked at his dinner, sighed, and accidentally invented peasant rights. Let’s get one thing straight: medieval England was a shit place to eat. The food was bland, the water was questionable, and your odds of shitting...
History’s Greatest Invention Was Just Some Horny Bastard Trying to Slide Into a Cavewoman’s DMs
Forget Fire or The Wheel. The Real Turning Point For Humanity Was When We Enslaved A Ten-Ton Furry Tractor So We Could Get Our prehistoric shred on. Alright, you filthy little gremlins, pull up a festering mammoth hide and listen the fuck up. Let...