Ep 2: The day you realise you've lost sight of yourself

No one wakes up one morning and decides to lose themselves do they? It happens gradually. One responsibility at a time. One compromise at a time. One forgotten dream at a time. 

Until you realise you've become everything to everyone else, and nothing to yourself. 

About me: 

I'm Emma Bradbury, a personal development coach specialising in NLP and mBIT coaching techniques and a Level 2 Fitness instructor and Level 3 Personal Trainer. 

I'm passionate about about transformation from the inside out, helping my clients to get fitter and stronger both in mind and body.

I work with clients in-person at my training and coaching centre in Poulton-le-Fylde on the Fylde Coast and online. 

You can find me here:

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100095409783100

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/emmabradburycoaching?igsh=MXRxNWVib3kwczV4dA%3D%3D&utm_source=qr

Website: www.emmabradburycoaching.co.uk

Email: emma@emmabradburycoaching.co.uk

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:02

Wow, episode two. So if you are here, thank you for coming back. And if you are joining us, then thank you for being here. So last week we talked a little bit about who you are and about how you can start to prioritize yourself and move yourself up the pecking order. We said that a little bit of self-care is not a luxury, it's a necessity. So I would love to know what you've been up to. I'd love to know what you've done this week. What was that one thing that you decided to do this week that was going to make a real impact on your day-to-day life? This week we're going to just talk about the way that you've maybe lost sight of yourself. I think, you know, we spend so many years trying to improve our life, the life of our family, our nearest, our dearest, without noticing that actually we're kind of strangers to ourselves. So let me get you to think about that a little bit more. If I was to ask you a question, so if I took away your job title, if I took away your responsibilities, if I took away your role in the family, your to-do list, who are you? So not what do you do, but who are you? Because for so many women in their forties, that's a surprisingly difficult question to answer. Who are you? I'm Emma. I'm a mum of two gorgeous girls. Okay. That's who I am, but is it who I am? I'm wife of a wonderful husband. Okay. I'm a wife. I am a daughter carer for my mum who has Alzheimer's. Hmm, so okay, I'm a mum, I'm a wife, I'm a daughter. But who am I? They're all job titles. They're all things I love to do. So it's about thinking a little bit deeper. How does it happen? I don't think any of you woke up in the mor one morning and decided to lose yourselves. But you can't pinpoint when it happened, even. You lost yourself along the way amongst being a mum and a work colleague and a wife and daughter and a business owner and a friend. It happened gradually. One responsibility at a time. Maybe one compromise at a time. Maybe one thing at a time that you postponed doing for yourself. I'll do that another time. Until one day you realize that you've become everything to everyone else, and almost nothing to yourself. So you've probably become really efficient, really capable, really reliable, which are three really good things to be. But underneath those competences, you may be feeling a little bit resentful. You're probably feeling quite exhausted. You might be feeling a little bit lonely. You might be feeling very disconnected. And I want you to know that if you are feeling all of those things, then it's okay, it's valid, it's normal, and you're not on your own. You're not the only person feeling all those things. You're allowed to be a bit resentful, but what can you do about it? You're allowed to feel exhausted, but what can you do about it? You're allowed to feel a little bit lonely, but what can you do about it? And you're allowed to feel disconnected, but what can you do about it? But you can't be happy feeling all those things. So the question to ask is: is this it? Is this it for me? Is this all I'm destined for? And a lot of women feel guilty for asking that question because we're programmed. We've been programmed since time began to be the caregivers, to be the organizers, to put everyone else first. Our mums did it before us, our grandmas did it before them. But times are changing. So it's okay to question these things. It's okay to question is this it? Don't feel guilty. Because this is the beginning of being able to reset. That question isn't selfish, it's a signal. It's a signal to you that you need to do something. Is this it? Well, if you're happy, then yeah, great. It's it. But if you're not happy, then it's your signal to do something different. So what lights you up? What have you stopped doing because life got busy? For me, it's spending time at the stables. I remember, oh, before my girls came along, I spend hours at the yard. I'd be social, I'd chit-chat, I'd spend hours grooming my horse, I'd spend hours cleaning out my section in the tack room before a competition. I would be cleaning tack to within an inch of its life. I'd be bathing the horse from top to toe, not missing a little bit. I'd be bringing stuff home to prepare to get ready. Now I took it all in the box on the way, including the horse. But actually, I know that I could make time for all that. My girls are a bit older now. I can take them with me. They could help. I could leave them at home. You know, they're okay. But I don't. Why don't I? Something I need to work on. Because actually I could. The only person stopping me is me. So what version of yourself are you missing? I miss the version of myself that wasn't always getting somewhere, leaving somewhere when I should have been getting somewhere else. That's what I miss. I miss the version of me that's always rushing. That doesn't have time to draw breath. But I'm working on that. I became aware of it, doing something about it. What what time do you need to be on the school run? If you still have a school run to do? What time do you need to be leaving your house? And what time do you leave your house? And what is it that stops you from leaving your house on time and then being on the last minute and then getting there harassed and stressed? Change it. I would challenge you to write down three things that make you feel most like yourself, or that made you feel most like yourself before life got so busy. Just three things. And then choose one. Just one of the three and bring it back this week. You don't have to do it now. Again, a lot of what we do in these podcasts is getting your unconscious mind worrying away in thinking. And then those thoughts that are going to invite you to do something with them will bubble up through the surface and hit you. Like a BFO, a blinding flash of the obvious. And then you'll know what it is you want to do. It's hard when you put on the spot, isn't it? It's hard to say, right, okay, three things that made me feel most like me before life took over. You probably can't think just off the cuff. So take some time. Take some time to let it settle. And just let it be, and then see what comes up for you. But something will. And when it does, pick one of those things and bring it back. You don't need permission from anybody to reconnect with yourself. You don't need to earn rest. You don't need to justify taking up space in your own life and doing something for you because you matter too. Let me know what you're going to be doing this week. And I'll catch up with you soon.