Ep 3: How to start trusting yourself again

You don't build self trust by achieving more and giving yourself more to do. You build self trust by keeping small promises to yourself.

So stop saying I'll do it later. Because later never comes. 

About me: 

I'm Emma Bradbury, a personal development coach specialising in NLP and mBIT coaching techniques and a Level 2 Fitness instructor and Level 3 Personal Trainer. 

I'm passionate about about transformation from the inside out, helping my clients to get fitter and stronger both in mind and body.

I work with clients in-person at my training and coaching centre in Poulton-le-Fylde on the Fylde Coast and online. 

You can find me here:

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100095409783100

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/emmabradburycoaching?igsh=MXRxNWVib3kwczV4dA%3D%3D&utm_source=qr

Website: www.emmabradburycoaching.co.uk

Email: emma@emmabradburycoaching.co.uk

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:02

Hello, hello. It is week three of She Resets and the last in my little opening trilogy. So this three weeks, or if you've listened to them all together, this three episodes has all been about awareness. It's been about helping you to reconnect with the version of yourself that's been buried underneath years and years of responsibility and putting other people first. So week one was about raising awareness, and week two was about starting to refine the old you and bringing something back that you'd maybe stopped doing. And this week is just about starting to maybe learn to trust yourself again. Trusting yourself doesn't mean you have to do more, be more, prove more. Trusting yourself is just about starting to make small promises to yourself and then keep them. Something I hear a lot of my clients say is, I don't know what's happened to me. And I find that really sad because you're still you. You know, you've still got your whole life in your head. It's all there. It's just you might need a little bit of help pulling out those bits of you that maybe you think have vanished. They've not, they're just buried under years and years of everything else. You know, you've not failed at anything, but you might have stopped believing in yourself, you might have lost a lot of confidence. You might have made promises to yourself, but not kept some. For example, you tell yourself you'll rest more, but you don't. You've still got something planned for every hour of every day until you crash on the sofa last thing at night and can't even be bothered to watch anything on TV. Or you tell yourself you'll set boundaries, and you do, but they don't last. Oh, I'm guilty of this. I set boundaries, but I struggle to say no. So then I'm straight away crossing my boundaries, but I'm working on it. All we can do is work on whatever we become aware of. You might tell yourself that you'll make time for yourself. This is a biggie. And you don't because there's something else to do. You think, oh, do you know, I'm gonna actually sit down and have my lunch today and maybe have a little flick through a magazine. But you don't because there's there's folding, there's washing to fold. You need to do that first, and by the time you folded the washing, there's something else to do, and then there's something else to do, and then you see something else to do. So can you see eventually you start trusting the promises that you've made to yourself, not to anybody else? You told yourself you'd start to rest, you haven't. You told yourself you'd start to set boundaries, you haven't. You told yourself that you'd make time for yourself, you haven't. It's not about anybody else, it's about you. And most women think that they need more confidence to be able to do these things, but actually you don't. You just need to start doing it. You just need proof, you need to prove to yourself that you can do these things. I always liken it to saving money. The more you save up for something, the more you want to save. So the more you do. Do you remember saving for something? Maybe a house or a car or a wedding, and you start with nothing, and you think, oh my goodness, that's such a huge amount, I'll never ever get there. But then you start looking at your bank balance, adding up, and you think, oh my goodness, it's adding up. Oh, I can't wait to add a bit more and a bit more and a bit more, and you you got there. In the end, you got there. You got the house, the wedding, the car, whatever it was you were saving for, the holiday, whatever it was, you got there. You got your proof, and that's all you need now, but in a different different way. You need proof that you actually matter, you need proof that your needs actually count, and you need proof that you can start to show up for yourself. Because the more you do it, the more you'll want to do it, and the easier it will get, and the more it'll mount up and mount up. So think about every time you say, I'll do that later, and later never comes. A little bit of trust disappears, doesn't go all at once, just slowly over time, it starts to go. Might have taken a few years. So you've got to rebuild that trust, and it won't happen overnight. None of what we do here will happen overnight. We all want everything by yesterday lunchtime, don't we? That's just the world that we live in. It's just human nature. We all want results by yesterday lunchtime, but we need to think with our head, and we know if we think with our head that that's not realistic, it's not going to happen. So we don't need huge transformations. We don't need to change everything overnight. We just need lots of little actions. So go for the walk. Or sit down and have that ten minutes. Go to bed earlier. Say no. Ask for help. Two of the hardest things saying no and asking for help. But I bet my bottom dollar that that's what's got us all into this mess is being unable to say no and being unable to ask for help. And that's an us problem. No one else. Do you find people have prob have a struggle asking you for help? Probably not. Do people have a problem saying no to you? Certain people won't. Maybe it's time to take a leaf out of their book. Just small actions but really positive messages to yourself. So let me ask you, what promise have you been making to yourself for months? What have you been going to do for yourself for months? And what thing could you realistically follow through with? Could be this week. You know, if it's something as simple as making time to sit and eat lunch rather than eating it on the go, then you can do that this week. But if it's something a little juicier, then put it in your diary. Get it in your diary as a non-negotiable and make it happen. So let's talk about how you can reset with this. You could choose one promise that you could make to yourself that's so small that you couldn't possibly fail. And then you have to keep it for seven days. And it might not be an action that you do every single day for seven days, and that's okay. It's got to be in context. So it might be something that you need to do in the next seven days, and seven days is a deadline, but you do it, and it won't change your life overnight, but it will start to impact, it will start to change your relationship with you, and that's the most important one that we've got. If we don't nurture ourselves, then we can't nurture other people, and then when the trust grows, so does the confidence, and the trust will grow every time you keep a promise to yourself. Every time you say to yourself, I said I would, and I did. So let's get going with it. I'd love to know what you're going to do with yourself this week. I'd love to know what promise you're going to make. Let me know. And I'll see you next time.