Ep 6: Are you living emotionally resourcefully?

In NLP we say there are no unresourceful people, only unresourceful states. When you can learn to understand your state and learn the ability to change it at will, you give yourself so many options. 

About me: 

I'm Emma Bradbury, a personal development coach specialising in NLP and mBIT coaching techniques and a Level 2 Fitness instructor and Level 3 Personal Trainer. 

I'm passionate about about transformation from the inside out, helping my clients to get fitter and stronger both in mind and body.

I work with clients in-person at my training and coaching centre in Poulton-le-Fylde on the Fylde Coast and online. 

You can find me here:

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100095409783100

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Website: www.emmabradburycoaching.co.uk

Email: emma@emmabradburycoaching.co.uk

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:58

So, are you living resourcefully or unresourcefully? You're thinking, Emma, I don't know what you mean. What do you mean, resourcefully, unresourcefully? So, this is a concept that I'd really like to introduce you to today because once you understand what a resourceful versus an unresourceful state is, it will have such an impact into so many areas of your life. It'll help impact decisions you're making, it'll help impact how you take on board what people say to you or what you say to people. It's a brilliant, brilliant technique to understand. And what I promised in this podcast were techniques to help you navigate life. So this is the first one. And it's not really a technique, you don't need to do anything with it, it's just gaining an understanding. So this is something that we learn in NLP. And you might not have much experience of what I'm on about if you haven't maybe done much with NLP or you haven't done much um coaching yourself or mindset work on yourself, you've not read up on it or been to any coaching or therapies or anything like that. But it's not deep, it's just a really good, really, really good little hack to navigate in life. So let me first explain to you what NLP is because you might be thinking, what is she on about? So NLP is what started my journey to where I am today, and it stands for Neurolinguistic Programming. So neuro, that's your brain, that's how you take on what you see around you, what's happening around you, what's happening to you. And linguistics is then how you vocalise that. So it's your words, so it's how you put into words what you're taking on in your brain, and programming is your behaviors, so it's then how you put all that into your behaviours. So the three all interlink so neurolinguisti programming, brain, words, behaviors. So one of the fundamentals of NLP is living life in what we call a resourceful state. So it might be, you know, your state of mind. So in NLP, we say that there are no unresourceful people, only resourceful states. And you'll know what I'm on about if I say to you, when you really want to do something, you do it, don't you? You crack on with it, you're positive, you really want to do it, you're really resourceful about it, you do anything to make it happen. But if it's something that you don't want to do, it might be a job you don't want to do, it might be a phone call you don't want to make, it might be a conversation you don't want to have to have, you will procrastinate, you will put it off for as long as possible. And in putting it off, it'll impact because you'll always have it in your mind. You'll always be thinking, I need to do that, I need to do that. Oh, but I don't want to do it, yeah, but I need to do it. And every day you'll wake up and you think I need to do that today, and you get to the end of the day, you'll be like, Oh, but I didn't do it, and I wish I'd done it, I'll do it tomorrow. And then you go on and on until you do the job you don't want to do, and that's when you're being unresourceful. So an unresourceful state is basically a feeling that isn't doing you any favours. So it might be when you're putting something off, it might be when you feel angry or cross or overwhelmed, upset, irritated, annoyed. You get the idea? Unresourceful states are usually negative and unproductive. So, for example, you might have a musician and they might be the most insanely talented pianist, and they've probably rehearsed a performance piece many, many times in their studio on their own, and they can do it perfectly when no one is watching. When they have an audience, they just can't do it as well. It's not that they can't do it, they're just in an unresourceful stage of stage fright or nerves or anxiety or overwhelm. So imagine if they could play that piece in front of an audience the same way they could play it in their recording studio at home when there's no one else about. So imagine if you could change your state. Imagine if you could go from a negative emotion to a positive one, just like that. I just flipped my fingers. I don't know if you could hear it, but that's what I did. Wouldn't that be lovely? So our state is our way of being in any given moment. It's the combination of our thoughts, our feelings, our behaviours at all times. And our state impacts everything we do, from how we perform tasks, how we go about our daily lives, how we talk to other people, and how we see the world around us in any given moment. So many people believe that our state is controlled by external events, by things that happen to us. But actually, in NLP, we know and we believe that our state is created within our mind and body system, and that we have the ability to choose our state in any given moment, even our thoughts. So, to understand our state, it helps to understand that our mind and body are one system. So we have our internal state, which is our sensations, our feelings, our emotions. Then we have our internal process, which is our thoughts, our internal dialogue, that self-talk that you hear in your head, any pictures we see in our minds, any sounds that we can hear. And basically how we interpret those sensations, those feelings, and those emotions. And finally, we have our external behavior. So this is our physiology, it's our gestures, it's our breathing, it's our volume, and it's how we present our internal state to the outside world. It's how we present what we're feeling inside to anyone outside of our mind, our body. So everything we think affects how we feel, which in turn affects what we do. So if what you're doing isn't working, do something different, anything different. So a good question to ask yourself is what state do I want to be in at this moment? Because awareness is always the first step. I think you'll have heard me say this before. Awareness is the first thing. Once you've raised awareness, you can then do something. You can do something different, you can make a change. And as you start to notice your state at any given moment, you think you can then start to make some finer sort of notes to yourself about what you're thinking, what you're feeling, what you're doing. And as you start to make those notes, give yourself that knowledge, and knowledge is power, you can start practicing to change your state. So by developing a deeper awareness of your state, instead of being stuck and controlled by your feelings and your thoughts, you can take action to make changes and become even more resourceful. And there's loads of ways that you can change your state. One of the simplest ways is by changing your external behaviour. So you could change the rate of your breathing, you could get up and move around the room if you sat down, you could change your posture. If you're feeling a little bit negative, you could straighten your shoulders and you could project strength. You can change your facial expressions or your gaze. If what you're looking at is affecting you, then look somewhere else. Anything at all can move you into a different and more resourceful state. I know for me, I used to be, I'm not anymore, I used to be a nightmare out on the roads when I was driving. People that cut you up or people that don't say thank you. And I'd be like, I'd be so annoyed. I'm one of those over-enthusiastic thankers of other motorists. Like I do the royal wave for about five minutes instead of just you know raising two fingers off the wheel. Um, because I'd really like people to know that I'm I'm grateful and I appreciate that they they let me in or they let me out or they whatever. And so when people don't do it back, I get really annoyed. And my girls will be like, Oh for God's sake, mum, shut up. Oh, would it have killed them? Just say thank you and then I'll go on about it for a few minutes. But who was it affecting when I was doing that? Who was it impacting? It wasn't the other motorist. I've been and gone. They couldn't give two hoots, they're on their very little way. Wouldn't even have occurred to them. But whose mood is it affecting? It's affecting mine. And then it's having an impact onto my girls because they're thinking, please, mum, shut up. Does it really matter? So once I got my head around the fact that only I control how I react to those situations, I can let it go now. Doesn't bother me in the slightest. Some doesn't thank me for letting them out. Oh well, whatever. It's gone, the moment's past. Don't dwell on it. Because you can dwell, you can really dwell on things, get fixated on things, let them carry on longer than they need to. And who's it impacting? You know, someone can try and make you cross, they can try to upset you. Only you decide if you're going to let them. And if you don't want to let them, then just say to yourself, I'm not going to let them make me cross. I'm not gonna let them make me sad. And change your state. Even just by making that statement in your mind, you can give yourself that jolt that would change you from angry to calm and in control, from sad to happy. You know, we want you living a more productive, proactive, and positive life, and by doing that, you'll impact everything. So start to work on controlling your own mind and body system. Start to ask yourself in any given situation, do I want to be feeling like this? And if you do, then crack on. That's great. You know, you are allowed to feel angry sometimes, you are allowed to feel sad or overwhelmed or a little bit nervous or unconfident. They're all valid emotions and you're allowed to feel them. If we didn't, we'd all be robots pre-programmed. So you do need to feel those things, but then you need to decide if you're gonna unpack and stay there, or if you're gonna do something about it. So ask yourself the question: do I want to be feeling like this? And if you do, then acknowledge it, don't bury it, but then decide how long you're gonna let yourself feel like that before you do something about it. And if you don't want to feel like that, then say, right, okay, no, actually, I don't want to be feeling like this. I need to switch it up, I need to do something about it, I need to do something different and do it. Since I've learned to control my state and become more resourceful, I know that I have far less arguments with people. I bicker less. I've grown up. I feel like I'm grown up, um, and it's a nice place to be. I feel more in control. And this is what I want for you. I want decisions that you make to come from a resourceful place. And we'll keep coming back to this in future episodes, but this is just a foundation. And I hope that you found it useful. So thank you for joining me today. Thank you for listening. And I'll uh I won't hear you next time. But you'll hear me. And there's just something crashed in the other room. I'm gonna go investigate.