Ep 8: Positive Language

No one will talk to you in your lifetime as much as you talk to yourself. So let's get it right! 

About me: 

I'm Emma Bradbury, a personal development coach specialising in NLP and mBIT coaching techniques and a Level 2 Fitness instructor and Level 3 Personal Trainer. 

I'm passionate about about transformation from the inside out, helping my clients to get fitter and stronger both in mind and body.

I work with clients in-person at my training and coaching centre in Poulton-le-Fylde on the Fylde Coast and online. 

You can find me here:

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100095409783100

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/emmabradburycoaching?igsh=MXRxNWVib3kwczV4dA%3D%3D&utm_source=qr

Website: www.emmabradburycoaching.co.uk

Email: emma@emmabradburycoaching.co.uk

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:57

Hello, hello. So in this episode, I really want to get on my soapbox about one of my favourite, favourite topics, which is positive language, and more importantly, how you speak yourselves. Anyone that talks to me will know how much I go on about positive language and about how positivity breeds positivity. So I think it's kind of good to do an episode on this. So I learned a quote a long time ago, and I can't remember who said it, but the words were anytime words stop you from doing what is important to you, change the words. And I think that's great advice to live by. So NLP explores how your thoughts, which is the neuro, are affected by your words, which is the linguistic, leading to action, which is the programming. So your words are an expression of your life. Your language tells your story, and it can be a gateway to learning and choices, but equally it can limit you. And we are very much influenced not only by what we hear other people say, but probably more so by what we say to ourselves. No one will talk to you in your life as much as you will talk to yourself, and you won't talk to anybody else in your life as much as you will talk to yourself. So what you say to yourself really matters, and you can either be your own biggest cheerleader, motivator, inspiration, or you can be critic and bully, an enemy, and that's not what I want for you. So we're going to talk a little bit about that day, about how you can start to think about reframing how you're talking to yourself. And as with anything in these podcasts, this is designed to get you thinking, it's designed to raise your awareness. Nothing is going to change overnight. But once you're aware of something, you can start to do something about it. So questions we ask ourselves are really important because the unconscious mind loves questions. It loves to seek out the answers. So if we are consciously asking ourselves questions that are going to help move us forward towards our outcomes, then we're going to increase our chances of success. And that can only be a good thing. Questions that we ask ourselves, the way we talk to ourselves, can also influence our emotional state. And our state, as we know from a couple of episodes ago, influences our emotions and our reactions. And our reactions become our habits, our habits become our destiny, they become our behaviours, our programming. So you're probably listening to this podcast because you want to change that. So to start to change your habits, you need to start to change your language. So let's get started. Positive language absolutely can change your behaviour, but you have to be aware of it. And that starts today. So by understanding how language patterns affect thoughts and behaviours, we can significantly improve our communication skills with ourselves and with others, but more importantly, with ourselves. And enhanced communication can lead to better relationships with other people, but more importantly with ourselves. And this is in regards to every aspect of life. So I want you to really take it on board. So you want to start to reprogram how you talk to yourself. So I want to help you to shift self-talk and identity from disempowering to empowering. I want you to be talking to yourself in a way that's going to allow you to grow and be open to opportunities that come your way. So today is all about changing your language, not your life. And the way we speak to ourselves creates the habits the same way as what we physically do. So you might be more aware of physical habits that you have, but less aware of internal dialogue habits. So you can liken the two, which might help you understand it a bit better. So when we shift our internal dialogue, that internal talk, we shift what feels possible, and ultimately what can then become our reality. So we've got to start to stop and interrupt self-talk patterns that aren't helping us. We need to understand that our identity is shaped by the language that we're repeating to ourselves. And we've got to practice transforming our language that isn't serving us into empowering, evolving language that will. So limiting self-talk refers to internal dialogue that undermines your confidence, or it takes away possibility, or it reinforces unhelpful things that you might think about yourself. For example, I'm not very good at this. I always mess up. I just can't do it. I'm too old for this. I've never succeeded. So you've got to spot it by spotting the words that you're using. Words like never, can't, always, not enough. They're huge red flags. Very often they're over-generalizations. And it might be that you want to start to really pay attention to your self-talk in moments when you are up against it, you are feeling stressed, and you are feeling uncertain, or you are feeling like you can't do something, because that's often when these patterns emerge. And you've got to interrupt it. So once you spot something and you think to yourself, oh my god, that's what Emma was on about. I get it. Then pause and acknowledge it. And just say to yourself, right, that's what she was on about. That's no longer serving me. That's just a story I'm telling myself. Challenge it. Ask yourself, be objective. Is what I'm saying true? It's probably not. And what's the evidence for and against this thought? Because what that does is it just helps you to rationalise it and make sense of it. And then reframe it. Replace the negative talk, the negative language, with something more constructive. So instead of I'm terrible at this, I just can't do it. You might say, I'm learning to get better at this, and no matter how long it takes me, I'm going to get the hang of it. See the difference between those two statements. So you might relate to some of these examples I'm going to give you of limiting self-talk. Have you heard yourself say, I've just got no willpower? Or I always give up in the end. Or nothing ever works for me. Or I'm just meant to be this way. I just need to accept it and be okay with it. Or ugh one flip up, it's ruined my whole day. Start again tomorrow. And I bet you have. I bet you can either relate to one or all of those. So when one of those thoughts pops into your head, do a little thinking, a little bit of thinking around it. Right, what's what's happening at the moment? Is there a reason why my language to myself has gone straight there? And then, like I said before, acknowledge it, say what load of rubbish, and reframe it. So let's talk food. I blew my diet today, so I might as well give up or at least start again on Monday. No. Instead, well, do you know what? I didn't eat the best today, but that doesn't get rid of all my progress. I can make my next choice a good one. Straight away, that positive language is going to positively impact the rest of your day. And instead of splurging and going for broke all day and waking up the next morning full of regret, you finish your day on a high, you finish your day on a positive. You wake up the next morning ready to go. And actually, you can be anything you want to be. Whatever identity you are holding now is not where you have to stay. You have got the power to reinvent yourself anytime you want. You can evolve, you can change, and that's really exciting. But it'll only happen if you start telling yourself the right things. If you start using language that will reflect and reinforce the identity that you really want to be projecting. So when we look at language around identity, it might be that you say, Well, I've always been overweight. Or you might say, I'm just not athletic. I'm the kind of person who hates exercise. I'm an emotional eater. Well, are you? Do you want to be? Were you born that way? Did you come out of your mum's tummy screaming, ah, I want chocolate, I want that? But you didn't. These are all beliefs that have formed over time. And these identity statements that you're telling yourself, they become self-fulfilling. So you start to act in a way that reinforces them, even if you don't want it, even if it's not doing you any good. I speak from experience. I was never a runner, couldn't think of anything worse. And one day I was with um a friend. She was a member, actually, a member of mine, and she was training to be a PT. And she said, Emma, if I give you some free sessions, would you um tell your groups about me? And I said, Yeah, of course I will. Why not? So we were doing some sessions and we were doing all your, you know, little bits and bats of PT stuff, squats and lunges and what have you. And then one day she sent me home and she always sent me with a bit of homework to do in the week. And one day she messaged me and she said, I want you to walk a lamppost, run a lamppost for 10 minutes. And I read this message and I thought, no, I'm not doing that. It's not what I signed up for. I don't run. No. I thought, should I just say I've done it? Yeah, I'll do that. I'll just say I've done it. But I couldn't. I'd committed to helping her. And I thought, no, I'm gonna have to do this. So off I went. And I watched a lamppost and I ran a lamppost. And then last year I ran the London Marathon. And that's how I started. Not with couch to 5k, but with run a lamppost, walk a lamppost. And now I run and I enjoy it. Not all the time. Oh my god, this time I can't think of anything worse. But on the whole, I enjoy it. And even when I don't want to go, I come back and I feel epic. I feel great. I feel so glad I dragged my ass out there and did it. So me saying I'm not a runner, I was just an old limiting belief that was no longer serving me. Because now I am. So I just want to give you an example. You know, you might be able to relate to something yourself. So again, unpick it. Ask yourself, where did this identity come from? Is it current? Is it based on something old? Is this really who I am? Is it who I want to be? Or is it just who I've been? Like I don't want to be that person anymore, I need to do something different. So you might change your language. I'm not the kind of person who works out, might become I'm starting to become someone who finds movement that I enjoy. Just baby steps. So then you need to start to change those identity labels into empowering, evolving statements. So those fixed labels, I am this, I'm not that, can trap you into seeing yourself in a very rigid way. So you need to change your language to something that allows room for change and learning and possibility. So replace fixed language. I'm disorganized. Might become I'm working on getting more organized. Or I'm shy. Might become I'm learning to speak up more confidently. And my girls can't believe the old me, but I was so shy. I was a wall flower. Every room I went into, I just wanted to become one with the wall. Oh I just was just the most unconfident, the most shy person. And and that's my identity, that's that's my natural, that's that's who I am. But throughout my career, I've put on my game faith, I've put on a persona, but naturally I still always go back to that, and and people don't believe it, but it's true. And I've had to start going to networking events as part of my, you know, new business and get myself out there and showing people who I am and what I do. And I'd go to a networking and I'd come home and I'd say to my husband, Oh, I went networking today. And he'd go, Oh, how was it? And I'd say, Oh, it's great. What he didn't know is that I literally would get there just as it was starting. I would find the chair nearest the door. When everyone was doing the networky bit, I suddenly have something really important to do on my phone, and then it was over, and I'd scoot out the door and come home. I didn't speak to a single soul, but I've been networking, and I'm I'm still a work on progress with that. But last week I went to a networking and I spoke to two new people, and I was so ridiculously proud of myself. So I've gone from I'm too shy to go networking, to I go networking and I'm pushing myself out of my comfort zone and speaking to people. You know, I don't have to speak to every single person in the room. Even if I go and speak to one person, for me, that's a win. You've got to find your own wins along the way. So your brain internalizes things that you repeat to yourself. So the more you tell yourself about the person you're becoming, the identity you want to embody, the more you will start to act in alignment with that. So empowering language builds that identity, boosts your motivation towards it and your confidence. It creates the room for you to change, and it encourages you to be more consistent. So the words we use, they shape our beliefs, our decisions, our behaviors. Many of our most self-sabotaging thoughts are embedded in our statements. I'm just not a disciplined person. I can't help it. I always give up, never succeeded. And we can use our language intentionally to reshape that identity. We have an NLP principle that says, you are not your behavior. You are more than that. Behavior is temporary, identity is flexible, you can change your behavior, you can change your identity. So that's me. I hope that that's struck a chord. I really hope you can start to catch those statements, catch those beliefs, catch that negativity, and start to change it. And I would absolutely love to hear how you're doing that and how you get on. Bye bye.