Ep 9: Are limiting beliefs holding you back?

What even are limiting beliefs?! When you can begin to understand what limiting beliefs are and how they might be holding you back, you open the door to a whole new world of limitless options. Let me explain. 

About me: 

I'm Emma Bradbury, a personal development coach specialising in NLP and mBIT coaching techniques and a Level 2 Fitness instructor and Level 3 Personal Trainer. 

I'm passionate about about transformation from the inside out, helping my clients to get fitter and stronger both in mind and body.

I work with clients in-person at my training and coaching centre in Poulton-le-Fylde on the Fylde Coast and online. 

You can find me here:

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100095409783100

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/emmabradburycoaching?igsh=MXRxNWVib3kwczV4dA%3D%3D&utm_source=qr

Website: www.emmabradburycoaching.co.uk

Email: emma@emmabradburycoaching.co.uk

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:57

Hello and happy whatever day it is that you're listening to this podcast. Happy Monday, happy Friday, happy Thursday if you're listening on launch day. Um, so last week we talked about positive language, but you may have noticed that I threw a lot of the word limited or limiting in there, limiting your language, limiting your choices. So I wondered if it would be a good idea to just go into that a little bit further. So this week I thought I'd introduce you to beliefs and limiting beliefs, and this will really help you with regards to whatever it is that you're wanting to work on at the moment. So let me tell you why. Beliefs are the rules that we live by, so they form our mental view of the world, and based on our experiences, we create an understanding of who we are and how the world operates. So beliefs are not facts, even though we often mistake them to be, we have beliefs about other people, beliefs about ourselves, beliefs about our relationships, what is possible and what is not possible for us. And we have a personal investment in our beliefs because we want to prove them to be right, because we believe them, we believe in them quite strongly. So beliefs can become self-fulfilling prophecies, and they can almost act as permissions and also blocks as to what we can do and what we can achieve. So in NLP, Neurolinguistic Programming, we treat beliefs as presuppositions. So we presuppose them to be true. They're not facts, they're not truths, we don't take them as gospel. So we just presuppose them to be true until or unless we can prove otherwise. So treating beliefs as presuppositions in NLP means that we can kind of use them as principles of conduct. So you act as if they are true, and if you like the results, then you can continue to act as if they are true. If it ain't broken, don't fix it. It's all good. However, if they don't bring good results, then you can change them. So if you're not getting good results from what you're believing, then you need to go ahead and fix it. And you do have a choice about what you believe, although that in itself can come as a challenge to many people. It's really hard to change something that's been in your head for so long, it's been a part of you for so long. If we go back to last week, it's been a part of your identity for so long. So actually believing that you have a choice about what you believe can be the first challenge in accepting and conquering a limiting belief. So if we use um a weight loss example, one of my limiting beliefs was always, well, my granddad was big, and my mum's always been big. So of course I'm going to be big. That's just the way it is. Nothing I can do about it. Or when you might have heard a lot, well, I've just got a super slow metabolism, and there's nothing I can do about that, so I just have to accept the fact that I'm always going to be big. You don't. Just because my granddad was big and my mum's a bit big does not mean that I have to be, does it? I did a lot of work with a client, and her limiting belief was that as a child her family didn't have a huge amount of money. So food was scarce, and she'd kind of grown up with an anxiety around being hungry. She still had a limiting belief that she needed to eat when she could in case there was nothing later. And she knows full well now that she's a she's a grown-up, she's a mum of two, she's happily married, both her and her husband have good jobs. She knows full well that she doesn't need to feel like that anymore. But that belief started with her when she was nine years old in her formative years, and it's shaped her ever since. And it's not serving her anymore. So we've done a little bit of work on that to help her. And she now, she works in London, but she lives just outside, so she commute commutes on the train every day, and she now no longer dives into Martins and Spencer's next to the train station to get snacks for the train home because she knows that there'll be tea for her when she gets home. And she wasn't losing weight because she was eating all the snacks, but then she was eating tea as well, even though she was full and she knew she didn't need it, she was eating it. So it's gone a long way to help her not only to conquer a limiting belief, but to lose weight as well. So you have to act on a belief if it's to mean anything. So it's helpful to treat them as a principle of action rather than an empty idea. So there's three things you need to believe to get a positive outcome from a belief, to get the result you want, to decide whether it's a helpful belief or a limiting belief. So you need to believe that it's possible to achieve what you want to achieve. You need to believe that you are able to achieve it, and you need to feel that you deserve to achieve it. So the key to achievement is possibility, ability, and worthiness. So I would hazard a guess that most of you listening to this know in your head it's possible to achieve what you want to achieve. And you probably know and believe that you are able to achieve it. But I would guess that the sticking block comes as to the question of whether you deserve to achieve it. And that all comes hand in hand with being busy, busy people. Do you deserve to spend the time on achieving what you want to achieve? Do you deserve to spend the money on achieving what you want to achieve? So it's possible to be taught by me, by someone else, by reading books. It's possible to be taught all the strategies that you need to achieve the results that you want to achieve. But if you don't believe you can do it, if you don't believe you're able to do it, and you don't believe that you deserve to do it, then your unconscious will find a way of stopping you. So we do also believe in NLP that every behavior has a positive intention. So even on the surface, it might not feel like it or it might not make sense. And this includes limiting beliefs. A huge limiting belief that I bet a lot of you can relate to is leaving food on your plate at mealtimes. You eat it all up. Because I would guess that many of the generation listening to this have parents or grandparents that grew up either in war times or just post-war times when it was all still rationing, and food was scarce to come by and it was hard-earned, and you didn't leave anything, you didn't waste anything, it was too valuable. So you'd always eat what was on your plate. But you've all heard stories from your grandparents about how if they didn't eat what was put in front of them, it was brought back the next day for the breakfast. I have a story about my granddad, and he didn't like liver, and he wouldn't eat it, and it was brought back every meal for like a good couple of days until eventually they realized that he just did not like it. He wasn't being a picky poker, he wasn't being difficult, it wasn't gonna happen. So many of us probably have that limiting belief that we need to eat what's on our plate because it's wasteful to throw food in the bin, it's wasteful to leave it. And I really believe that we are the generation that can change that. I know my daughters, if they are full, I know when they're full. And if they say to me, Mom, I'm full, can I leave some? I say, Yeah, absolutely you can. Because I don't want them growing up with that same belief that I've always had. And I don't believe it's a limiting belief for me anymore either, because I also leave food when I'm full, but it's hard to get to that point, and that's quite a broad example. So there's a lot of commonly held issues around limiting beliefs. There's a feeling of helplessness, a belief that you can't do something, it's just not possible for you. Or hopelessness, it's not possible regardless of whether you can do it or not. That's new with technology. I don't even try. Or worthlessness, that belief that you're not worthy of change. So you've got to want to change, you've got to know how to change, and you've got to give yourself the chance to change. But, and the point of this podcast is that to do those three things, to want to change, to know how to change, and give yourself the chance to change, you need to identify and acknowledge what's holding you back. And what's holding you back might well be limiting beliefs. So if they come up for you, share them. Or if you're not sure, if you think, oh, what is that? Is that a limiting belief? Is it not? Ping me a message and ask me. I'd love to help you, I'd love to hear. And over and above everything else, remember to be kind to yourself. Because on the surface, all of our beliefs make perfect sense. Yeah, they supported us our whole lives up until this point. They've most likely played a part in shaping us as people and our worlds. So do be gentle with yourself as well. Because again, those beliefs might have formed your identity up until now, but they are not a part of your identity going forward. So learn them, acknowledge them, thank them, and then say goodbye. And with that, I'm gonna say goodbye. So thank you for joining me yet again.