Understanding Shame—Why You Care What People Think | Meditation #4

*Dive deeper with the full Conversation Episode next!*  

Shame has a way of convincing us that we are the problem.

In this guided meditation, Amy introduces one of the most common—and most painful—experiences we all face: shame.

You’ll explore the difference between guilt (“I did something bad”) and shame (“I am bad”), and why that distinction matters for healing, self-worth, and lasting change.

This week’s meditation also teaches a simple but powerful mindfulness practice using breath and counting to quiet the mind, strengthen awareness, and cultivate a gentler relationship with yourself. Whether you’re new to meditation or your mind feels like it’s constantly racing, this practice will help you return to the present moment with curiosity instead of judgment.

This meditation lays the foundation for Wednesday’s conversation, where Amy and Ryan dive deeper into shame, resilience, and self-compassion—and explore practical tools for breaking free from shame without losing accountability.

Take a deep breath, slow down, and remember:

At your truest nature, you are peace. Sometimes we simply need to create the space for that peace to rise within us.

*Subscribe to the Greater Peace Podcast for new episodes every Monday and Wednesday.*

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:04

Hi guys, I'm Amy Lindstrom, and this is the Greater Peace Podcast. It's Monday, so you know what that means. I'm introducing a topic for the week, leading you in a meditation, and then on Wednesday, Ryan and I are going to deep dive into the topic that I introduced today, and hopefully we come out of that with more skills, more understanding of why we do what we do, and ways to address it. So this week's topic is one that we are all well acquainted with. This week we are going to talk about shame. So shame is one of the most pervasive, difficult things sometimes to undo because there can be this idea that if I hold on to the idea or my shame, then it will be the thing that motivates me to do better, or that we think that shame is self-awareness. It is not. So there's a difference between shame and guilt. Guilt is I have done something bad, right? It's an action and behavior. I have done something bad. Shame is I am bad, which is very, very different because if you've done something bad, we all know we can apologize, we can make it right, we can reconcile, we can learn from the experience. But if we inherently believe I am bad, that gets us stuck. How can we possibly do something good or be good if I am inherently bad? And so every single time we do something wrong or we do something that harms somebody or something in the process of learning, as we all do, then it reinforces this idea, which is the negative cognition that we talked about from the conditioned mind in the first episode that we did, where we're talking about how when we believe something, anything we say after I am is so powerful. And so we have to be very careful with that because it starts to inform the energy of our body, how we see ourselves in the world. Then when you hold on to the idea of I am bad, the only option you have is to keep everybody from finding this out. And so all that you do that is good feels performative. It feels, it becomes something where you're trying to prove something. You're trying to prove your worth and value. You cannot believe that your worth and value is absolute as long as you inherently believe I am bad, I am unlovable, I am unworthy, all of these things, right? So we're going to try to get after that a little bit. Now, um, shame is interesting because I think there's shame that we experience that is debilitating, that makes us want to go inside and never be around anybody anymore, um, that is overwhelming and feels like I'm never going to change. And then there is shame that is like I should have done this, I wish I would have done this, things like that. We're going to talk about that on Monday because there is a different way to see that that actually creates resilience and self-compassion. So let's do a quick meditation. I'm going to teach you a new skill with this one. Now I just want to say, when people are starting meditation, or I don't know that I've met anybody who, when I say, Hey, have you ever meditated? It's like, I tried once, I'm not good at it. I mean, which is shame, right? It's like I'm never going to try it again because I'm uncomfortable with doing something that is hard for me to do because it reinforms this idea that I'm incapable, or whatever it is for each individual person, is different. But a lot of people will say, I'm not good at it. Well, I mean, I think that it's interesting because I've been meditating for a long time now. I have ADHD, my brain is all over the place. And so as I've meditated, there are days where my thinking, talking brain is way more busy. And I think on those days, I try to practice, like when I sit down and I'm and I'm trying to meditate, but my thoughts feel like they are like the Buddhists call it, the um, it's like your your monkey mind, that it's just like this monkey bouncing around and that on those days where I recognize that instead of feeling like I'm failing, I just use it as awareness. Okay, today is gonna be one of those days. I need to slow down, do things one at a time, and just be mindful that my mind is a little bit like high strung today, and I'm not really sure why, but I can be curious about it throughout the day and then begin to work with that a little bit. And um I think that on those days, it's just like instead of using it as shame, I used it as information. So hopefully that is helpful. But a lot of people will say, I'm not good at it. You guys, it is okay to struggle with this. Um, it doesn't mean anything about us when we struggle. What it means is that we are trying to learn a new skill. We are trying to get better at something that matters, but there's this tension that our human brain feels that it does not like to do things that it cannot succeed at. And we're kind of pushing against that a little bit as well, to let our brain know, hey, it's okay for me to struggle, actually. Um, and so that can be super beneficial as well. There's so many layers of this. So today I'm gonna teach you a different skill. Um, we remember we have the wild animal, right? And we have the this is my in-breath, this is my outbreath, or the short breath in, short breath out, long breath in, long breath out. You can use those. This is a different one that John Nate taught us. So one of the things that he taught us to do is see, like as you inhale, it's like, but you see the number one and you say one in your mind, and then you exhale. One, right? And you're saying it in your mind now, two, two. All I'm focusing on is the inhale and the number and the exhale and the number. I'm gonna go one through five, and then I'm gonna start over and go one to six and start over one to seven, start over one to eight, start over one to nine, start over one to ten, right? This is not a thing that we are trying to win or a challenge or anything like that. It is something that gives our mind awareness of of like uh like keeping focused on just our breathing and being present in the moment. We're giving our brain one thing to occupy its attention and we're trying to stay on that. Now, the thinking mind is going to come in. You are going to lose track of what number you are on. If you do, start over at one through five and then keep working on it. Um, this is one actually that when I have taught people this, uh, if you go to sleep at night and your mind is just going, going, going, and you're thinking about all the things or uh perimenopause. So you wake up in the middle of the night or you're struggling with insomnia and your mind is just going, going, going, going. Um, this is one that really helps focus on just the deep breath so that even if your mind is not going to fall back to sleep, you are practicing relaxation. So, with that, it's like I can get a little panicky about waking up in the middle of the night because doing my job and being very tired is very hard. And so I instead say, okay, well, if my body does not want to sleep, I am going to be very good at being mindfully restful for as long as I can. And sometimes the releasing of the panic and the and the starting to relax works, and sometimes it doesn't. And then I remind myself during the day that it's like at any moment I can stop, take deep breaths, relax. Um, when I meditated through the night at V Sak um in Fort Worth, Texas, at the Hung Dao Temple, um, I was so worried that I was gonna be super exhausted. Now I was the next day, but not like during the night. I was until I could sleep and then I was okay. There's actually something so restorative to it. Our brain likes to make changes, physical changes in our brain chemistry, break down old pathways, build new ones when we're asleep or in a restful state. This is why meditation is so important. As you're learning new things, you're creating a blueprint when you rest or you sleep, the new uh formation and building of the synapses and the new pathways in your brain happens. So, this is a very useful tool for that. So, I want you to practice that. We're gonna start with the one and keep working through. I'm gonna remind you off and on throughout, and we're going to do just 10 minutes. So let's get started and just get into a comfortable position, whatever it is that is comfortable for you. Again, if you're out and about and sitting down isn't gonna be something that you can do currently, either pause it and come back or practice this while being mindful about what you're doing in the moment. So just doing one thing at a time. Uh so let's get started. Are you ready? Okay, let's take a deep breath in. And then blow all of that air out. Deep breath in. You can feel it feeling filling your stomach as your diaphragm expands and pushes down into your stomach. And then exhale. Now begin your counting. Anytime you forget, just remember or you get lost, just remember as soon as you remember that you have lost your place, you are back to awareness, just start over. Come back to the breath when you need. If you need to start over with the count at any point, that is totally fine. Once you get to five, start over and go one to six, and then start over one to seven and keep building. Sometimes they get through, but sometimes you can just feel them out there on the outside, trying to get your attention. It's okay, they can stay there. Just inhale and exhale. Not trying to create anything, but just being. Enjoy the simplicity of not worrying about anything else. Take your attention to that spot. Say pain, pain, pain, or tension, tension, tension, and then just inhale with your next number and exhale. Just promising to yourself that this week you are going to have more awareness around the way you think about yourself and more gentleness in the way that you talk to yourself. Keep practicing. You can always come to this episode, rewind 10 minutes to from the end, and then do the meditation every day if you want, as long as you need help going through it. But also remember, you can stop and breathe at any stoplight. Or while you're doing any one thing, just bring your attention to the present moment and do one thing. It helps so much to relieve so much of the anxiety and the pressure that we feel inside. Remember, at our truest nature, we are peace. We just need to give that peace and ability to rise up in us. I hope that you are all well and happy and peaceful and have a great week. We will see you on Wednesday.