Ep 260 - The Flag & the Knot – Growing Forward Anyway

 A "quick" Fourth of July project turned into an unexpected lesson in patience, perseverance, and letting go of perfection. 

After years of waiting to paint an old flagpole, Mary Stone decides it's time to raise a new flag. What follows is a comedy of mystery knots, weathered rope, improvised repairs, and a reminder that life rarely unfolds under perfect conditions.

Along the way, she reflects on freedom, belonging, the wisdom of gardens, and how nature keeps moving forward despite imperfections. Plus, a brief update on a familiar garden nemesis—poison ivy.

In this episode:

• A Fourth of July flagpole adventure 
• The lesson hidden in an old knot 
• Why perfection can keep us stuck 
• Gardens as teachers of resilience 
• A poison ivy encounter 

Enjoy the companion Blog Post: The Flag & the Knot – Growing Forward Anyway.

Related Episodes:

🌿 Episode 259 – What We Carry Forward in the Garden of Life
A reflection on memory, legacy, and the gifts we carry with us.

🌿 Episode 258 – The Gift of Noticing: A Dove Tree That Didn't Bloom
How beauty and meaning remain, even when expectations aren't met.

🌿 Episode 255 – Growing Belonging in the Garden of Life
Exploring our shared desire for connection, purpose, and belonging.

🌿 Ep 108. Value of Virginia Creeper vs. Poison Ivy

Connect with Mary Stone:

Visit: AskMaryStone.com

Garden Dilemmas? AskMaryStone@gmail.com 

Thank you for listening and for sharing the Garden of Life.🌻

More about the Podcast and Column:

 Welcome to Garden Dilemmas, Delights, and Discoveries.

 It's not only about gardens; it's about nature's inspirations, about grasping the glories of the world around us, gathering what we learned from Mother Nature, and carrying these lessons into our garden of life. So, let's jump in, in the spirit of learning from each other. We have lots to talk about.

Thanks for tuning in, Mary Stone 
Garden Dilemmas? AskMaryStone.com
Direct Link to Podcast Page

Transcript

Ep 260 - The Knot and Flag - Growing Forward Anyay

Sat, Jul 11, 2026 10:09PM • 10:48

SUMMARY KEYWORDS

Garden Dilemmas, nature inspirations, American citizen, flagpole project, flag retirement, knot puzzle, God Bless America, Fourth of July, progress not perfection, poison ivy, healing process, human experience, Mother Nature, garden of life, social links.

SPEAKERS

Mary Stone

Mary Stone  00:00

Hello, fellow lovers of all things green. I'm Mary Stone, and welcome to Garden Dilemmas, Delights, and Discoveries. It's not only about gardens; it's about nature's inspirations, about grasping the glories of the world around us, gathering what we learn from Mother Nature, and carrying these lessons into our garden of life. So let's jump in in the spirit of learning from each other, we have lots to talk about. 

Mary Stone  00:25

Hello there, it's Mary Stone, and thanks for joining me. The heat has eased a bit since last week here in Northwestern New Jersey. We're in the low 80s, though the humidity is incredibly high-99% this morning. You should see the dew on the skylights and the screen porch from which I chat with you each week. Indeed, summer is in its full swing. The gardens are lush. The weeds are enthusiastic. 

Mary Stone  00:50

But before we begin, I want to thank you for reaching back with your kind comments and emails and messages. I treasure hearing from you and knowing how the stories and lessons from the garden resonate in your own lives. I had plans for the Fourth of July that changed unexpectedly. Last week, I mentioned my friend Christina's journey to becoming an American citizen. There was a celebration planned with friends, and I very much wanted to attend. But when I realized it was a two-hour drive each way, I wasn't comfortable leaving Jolie for that long, especially when my wonderful neighbors were away for the holiday, and so I found myself with a gift. Although I was sad not to be there, the gift was an unexpected day-a gift of free time, no appointments, and no obligations, just me and Jolie. 

Mary Stone  01:43

So as I walked around, it occurred to me I had this unfinished project that was nagging at me. It's been on my to-do list for years. It involved the flag, more specifically, a flagpole. The story became this week's newspaper column before it became a podcast, so we're a little out of sync, but that's okay. Sometimes life asks us to go with the flow, like a leaf carried by moving water, and it starts like this: 

Mary Stone  02:11

Hello, fellow lovers of all things green. Many will cherish memories of how they celebrated the 250th birthday of the United States of America, while I have a special story to share. I've had a new flag waiting in the house for a few years, not because I didn't want to fly it. Quite the opposite. The problem was the flagpole, or more specifically, the plan for the flagpole. We need to paint it first, but it never got done. We had passed along the faded, worn flag to our local Boy Scout troop that conducts honorable flag retirement ceremonies. Since then, the empty pole has bothered me. 

Mary Stone  02:53

With no plans other than gardening, I figured the weathered white paint was fine. Why should a flag have to wait for perfection? So on the Fourth of July, now just Jolie and me, I decided it was time to fly the flag. Seems simple, right? But what should have taken 15 minutes turned into a puzzle involving a mystery knot, an odd old clip I couldn't figure out, and weathered rope that reminded me of years ago when I was a floundering deckhand on a sailboat. It was very funny. 

Mary Stone  03:26

At one point, I found myself standing among the Joe Pye weed, already chest-high beneath Old Glory, studying the existing knot. I concluded it was likely a repair from years ago. Somewhere between untangling the rope and repositioning the new clips that secured the flag, I started laughing. I mean, hilariously laughing. Then I began singing "God Bless America, and I belted it out like I once did at the Footbridge Park Fourth of July opening ceremony years ago. It's a tradition here in Blairstown, New Jersey, with frog jumping contests and pie eating contests and all those standard country things-such fun! There I was alone in the yard. Well, not alone. I had my faithful forepaws by my side, singing to a flagpole while hoisting a flag. The first try, it became pinned to the pole behind the rope. Maybe the clips were too close together, creating a gap. Maybe there wasn't enough wind. Down she came. I adjusted the clips and tried again, and again, and again. Eventually, the flag flew, not perfectly, not quite all the way to the top.

Mary Stone  04:37

The old knot stopped at a foot or two short. I wanted to keep going. Surely there was a way to replace the rope or rework the knot and raise the flag those last few inches, but instead, I stepped back, and I watched. The flag flying against a brilliant blue sky began to wave in the gentle breeze, and I realized. Often, we postpone things while waiting for perfect conditions when there are no more knots. We do it in the garden. We wait for perfect weather, the perfect plan, and the perfect timing before planting or pruning. Sometimes that's warranted, but perfection rarely comes. We do it in life, too. We tell ourselves we will start after one more thing, or after a situation proves, or when we feel more confident. 

Mary Stone  05:28

Yet nature doesn't wait for perfect conditions. Trees leafed out, and perennials emerged despite our oddly dry, chilly spring this year. My friend and design colleague Marty Carson's dove tree didn't stop being beautiful, though it didn't flower this year at her celebration of life. Plants grow forward anyway. That's why gardens and Mother Nature are such wonderful teachers. The flag flew, not all the way to the top, but it flew, and it comforted me. It's not about perfection, but progress. Not waiting for everything to be just right, but moving forward, anyway. 

Mary Stone  06:12

As we celebrate our nation's birthday, may we never take for granted the freedoms we enjoy, the beauty of our country, and the opportunities we have to shape its future. While everything in our world is not perfect, it's up to us, each of us, to keep moving forward with kindness, appreciation for our differences, and recognition of what we share. We all want the same things: to love and be loved, to support those we care about, to find purpose, and to feel a sense of belonging and peace. Garden dilemmas, AskMaryStone.com.

Mary Stone  06:53

 I know I shared some of those sentiments last time, I think when we sat together, but it's a sentiment that I am so profoundly impacted by in recent months, with the things going on in my personal life, as difficult as they have been. I am learning and growing, and I hope you are too. 

Mary Stone  07:14

After embracing imperfection and celebrating my victory over the flagpole, I headed into the garden and began weeding and tending the restored garden where many of Marty's perennials are settling into their new home. The perennials are thriving, so are the weeds, and among them is poison ivy. I mean, lots of poison ivy. Poison ivy and I have had a long history. When I was a little girl, my sister dared me to rub a leaf all over myself, and I accepted the challenge foolishly. And it turns out I am extremely allergic. My sister has long been forgiven. However, she still carries a few scars from the time I challenged her to ride a Radio Flyer wagon down our steep driveway. 

Mary Stone  07:59

Poison ivy has a lesson of its own. Urushiol oil, the oil of poison ivy, can linger on tools for years. Dogs usually don't get the rash, but they sure carry the oil. Never burn poison ivy, and never weed whack it either. And if you ever hear me say, "If it's hairy, you better ask Mary," you'll know exactly what I mean, because those vines are hairy, unlike Virginia creeper, which folks mistake it to be, and that may be a subject for another time. There is a difference between the two. It does take some time to notice the difference. 

Mary Stone  08:34

I used all my precautions about how to prevent poison ivy, but despite it all, I ended up with a mild case, and that's another lesson. Healing takes time. Plants heal, landscapes heal, hearts heal, and we do too. Before we part today, I'd like to leave you with this: the knot remained, the flag didn't quite reach the top, the poison ivy found me anyway, and yet it was a beautiful day. The garden of life teaches us that there will always be another knot, another unfinished project, another imperfection, another challenge we didn't anticipate. And life isn't waiting for us to become perfect; it's asking us to participate, to grow, to heal, to keep moving forward, to love and be loved, to support those we care about, to find purpose and belonging, and to remember that we are part of something larger than ourselves.

Mary Stone  09:37

We are part of one world, one garden, one human experience we share with nature. So thank you for joining me, and I hope you have a beautiful day. And please keep sending your comments to me at askmarystone@gmail.com or through the social links. And also think about the knots in your life that you've overcome. And the new ropes that we tie in the love we have for each other as we build and grow our lives-it's a beautiful thing. The flag flew, not perfectly, but it flew, and it was glorious. Thanks so much. See you next time on the screen porch. 

Mary Stone  10:18

You can follow Garden Dilemmas on Facebook or online at gardendilemmas.com, and on Instagram at hashtag MaryElaine Stone. Garden Dilemmas: Delights and Discoveries is produced by Alex Bartling. Thanks for coming by. I look forward to chatting again from my screen porch, and always remember to embrace the unexpected in this garden of Life. Have a great day.