Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE
Two sex addicts in long-term successful recovery are ALSO world-class Counselors who specialize in porn and sex addiction recovery. Drawing on 40 years of combined personal and professional experience, Mark and Steve get RAW and REAL about HOW to overcome addiction, heal betrayal trauma and save your marriage. If you're struggling with addiction—we get it. Recovery is hard. We've been there. We'll help you take the fight to your addiction like never before. If you're married to an addict—we KNOW what it's like to nearly destroy a marriage! We'll help you understand the world of your husband's addiction and begin healing your betrayal trauma, regardless of what he decides to do. You don't have to stay stuck. You don't have to keep suffering. We've made all the mistakes so you don't have to. Take back your life. Take back your marriage. Let's do this together! This is the PBSE podcast.
Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE
"Everyone Thinks He’s Great . . . But They Don’t Know the Whole Story"
In Episode 297, Mark & Steve respond to a heart-felt submission by a porn/sex addict in active recovery. He describes an ongoing situation that is very difficult for his betrayed partner and shows a great deal of genuine concern for her. Here's the issue—compliments by friends, family and others, aimed at an addict in recovery, can create painful triggers for betrayed partners, who know both the admirable qualities others see and the secret story of betrayal they carry. For partners, hearing “he’s such a great guy” can feel invalidating and isolating, as if the hidden wounds don’t matter. They may wonder if they are the problem for feeling hurt, and at times, even face gaslighting from addicts who deflect or minimize their concerns.
The tension lies in the gap between public image and private reality. Using the metaphor of a “secret sexual basement,” we see how the addict’s public face often draws praise while the partner alone carries knowledge of the hidden side. Navigating this dynamic requires careful balance—between authenticity and discretion, between validating the partner’s pain and protecting privacy, and between acknowledging progress while still honoring past harm.
Ultimately, recovery means choosing empathy and proactivity. Addicts can lead by checking in with their partners after triggering moments, acknowledging how compliments might sting, and creating space for open dialogue. Couples together can decide what level of transparency feels safe, remembering that disclosure is not a solo act but a shared journey. When both partners embrace authenticity with compassion, they can integrate the painful past with a healthier present and move forward stronger together.
For a full transcript of this podcast in article format, go to: Everyone Thinks He's Great . . . But They Don't Know the Whole Story!
Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program at—daretoconnectnow.com
Find out more about Steve Moore at: Ascension Counseling
Learn more about Mark Kastleman at: Reclaim Counseling Services