#102: Escape The Gap Trap: How Focusing on Progress, Not Perfection is The Key to Achieving Your Goals

Have you ever felt like no matter how much you accomplish in a day, it's never enough? This episode is for you.

What if always striving for more was actually holding you back?

In today's episode, we explore a powerful concept that can change the way you approach your goals and dreams. Dan Sullivan once said, "“The way to measure your progress is backward against where you started, not against your ideal.” 

Join us as we dive into the unexpected joy and benefits of focusing on progress, not perfection, and living in the gain. We'll explore how this shift in perspective can help you achieve more, find happiness, and ultimately lead to a more fulfilling life.

EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS

• We've been living in the "GAP"
• Getting into a "GAIN" Mindset
• Measure Backwards
• Progress, not perfection

ACTION STEP FROM THE EPISODE:
Take a goal you're working on and Strat tracking your progress with our habit tracker or another method you like. Pick a time each day, week and month you can measure backwards and celebrate your progress.

RESOURCES FROM THIS EPISODE

• Download the FREE HABIT TRACKER to start measuring the gain
• Get your Free Kindle copy of the Gap and The Gain By Dan Sullivan and Benjamin Hardy while supplies last!
• Get 20% off our Live Your Best Life: Habit Fundamentals course 

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Transcript

Jeff Corrigan: 0:00

Welcome to Habit Masters, where we are all about helping you create the habits to live your best life. I'm Jeff. I'm Sheldon, and today we have a very exciting topic to share with you. It comes from a part of our course, which is the final day I think, of our course. So if you haven't course, We'll put a link in here for 20% off in the show notes so you can go take advantage of that. It's $97, but you do it with a buddy, so go check it out if you haven't. This is one of the final days that we talk about the gap and the gain.

Sheldon Mills: 0:29

Yes. So this episode is for all the people out there who, at the end of the day, no matter how much you've done, you had a checklist of a thousand., you've checked off 998 of them, right? And you feel like it's just not enough. It's never enough, right. It's just no matter what I do, it never seems to be enough. These are, this is for you. This is for us, I should say. Jeff Corrigan: Yeah. And we call that living in the gap. Yeah. Actually, Dan Sullivan calls that living in the gap.. Sheldon Mills: Yeah. He kind of coined the phrase, yeah.

Jeff Corrigan: 1:02

Yep. And he says this just to get a description of what living in the gap or the gain means, it says, your future growth and progress are now based in your understanding about the difference between the two ways in which you can measure yourself against an ideal, which puts you in what I call the gap and against your starting point, which puts you in the gain appreciating all that you've accomplished. So today, our goal of this episode is to help you move from spending time in the gap, which you're going to do still. Obviously, nobody's perfect for this. We all live in the gap to some extent, but as much as you can, being conscious of when you are in the gap. and shifting that mentality to be living in the gain. Mm-hmm. so that you can escape what we're phrasing, the gap trap.. Sheldon Mills: Yeah. There's a book called The Happiness Advantage, although I recommend going and watching the TED Talk because it's just like a dense nugget of this principle, this idea he talks about. Success in, in working harder. And lemme just read a little bit. Most of us feel that if I work harder, I'll be more successful. And if I'm more successful, then I'll be happier. If I accomplish X and Y, then I'll be happy. And the soundtrack kind of like, this is the narrative that, that we live by sometimes. Mm-hmm., but scientifically like that's broken, that's backwards. And every time we reach success, like our brain just moves the go. on what success looks like, right? You get good grades and you have to get better grades. You got a good job now have to get a better job, right?, you make this much money now and you make more money, you run a half marathon, gotta do a full, you know, it's just like that. Goalpost is always changing, right? And if happiness or success is always on the opposite side, like., cognitively speaking, we never actually get there. We pushed happiness over what he calls the cognitive horizon. We're chasing an ideal, which we never actually reach, mm-hmm., that's living in the gap. And because we think we have to be success successful before we're happy, but the opposite should be true. We can find happiness here now in the progress, measuring the progress. That's what this is all about on the journey, and ironically speaking, that will help us find more success. He goes into all these examples about, you know, measuring doctors who, when they're in a happy state versus a neutral or negative mental state, and how they literally get their quicker finding diagnoses and accurate diagnoses. And just like, literally like, like using a Popsicle , right? It's like all these things, like when our minds, we are in a happier, positive state. We literally just perform and function. Yeah. It's so hard. Like we, we all get into this gap mentality when we set goals, we strive for things and, and then we don't quite reach them. Yeah. And so we get to like midway through our goal and like maybe it's taking longer than we expected and I'm living in this right now. Right. We have these goals set for my business right now and I've been struggling to accomplish a couple of the tasks that need to be done for us to actually launch our new website. So, I'm sitting here with this 80% of the way there website, and I can't quite integrate my inventory system. So my inventory system, we're working on that right now, but it was supposed to be done several months ago.. And so I'm getting impatient and that's one other way that we live in the gap is we, we like, we feel like, ah, we should be there by now and we're not. Right? So there's several ways of living in the gap. It's, it's measuring against an ideal is probably the number one, which is rampant in our day and age with social media. And, you know, there's Joneses on every corner and on on your phone at all times., it's like, right, like, ah, the Joneses are constantly in my face telling me how perfect their life is. Here's the, the, the real truth behind that is that it's not . Right? Their life's not perfect. It's not

Sheldon Mills: 4:43

no, it's their curated highlight reel is what it is., we compare ourselves to a very specific curated highlight reel, right? Yep.

Jeff Corrigan: 4:52

Oh, it's, well, and I, and I was thinking about this earlier. A good example for that is imagine you're starting a football game, right? Or any sport for that matter. You know, be it a soccer game, be it a football game, baseball, whatever and. All at zero, right? You start, you start any game, you play at zero. But for some reason in life we think we should be starting at a hundred. It's like, well, why am I not Dwayne the Rock Johnson yet? Like I should be the most famous man on the planet. Like we're measuring ourself against this ideal out there when we're starting out. And that's just not fair to, to wish we had a hundred points right when the game begins. It's not fair to ourselves, is what I'm saying. Right. Well, a another way that this happens, and this is an example I was just talking to Sheldon about, is I have three boys, two are getting a little older. One of them I gave a present to a couple of years ago for Christmas. He got on one of those little hoverboards and his brother at the time wanted a mountain bike so he didn't get the hoverboard So he, he has a hoverboard and he's had it for the last year and a half. And so now we ended up getting a birthday present for the other son. Of a hoverboard. and the first son with the hoverboard is now saying, being like, Hey, well I think his is a little better than mine. I think his goes a little faster than mine. He keeps making comments to us like that. Like, ah, my hoverboard, I think his might be better on the carpet or whatever. And it's just funny to me because up until the moment his brother got one, he was elated, he was super happy with his hover board, and now he's found himself in the gap. Well, his is newer than mine and his has a little bit bigger wheels than mine and , all those things, things that come into play, and that's a, that's a big form of gap thinking as well. I I think

Sheldon Mills: 6:32

it's really easy to see this in children because it's so often it's like my wife, you know, good cook makes desserts and it's like all excited, we're gonna have dessert, and then all of a sudden one's like, oh, so-and-so's they got more than me. Right now, all of a sudden they're miserable Mm-hmm. because they think, again, almost never actually reality. They just think that someone got something more than they did. Right. Instead of being happy about, like, you went from nothing to this wonderful dessert, all they could think about is like, oh, my brother or sister got a little bit more than me. Right. Yeah, man. That just. Drives me, but not bonkers, , stuff like

Jeff Corrigan: 7:13

that. Well, and it's funny that you say that because it does, like as parents and as adults we're like, come on, kid. But then we turn around and do the same thing. Yes. Not realizing it. Right., we, we do the same thing. We're like, oh, like, oh, my neighbors got a really nice car, or whatever. Right. Stuff that doesn't matter at all, but it's, it's just something that goes into our brain or like, Hey, why did this person get a raise and I didn't, or whatever that looks for you, like in your life. Oh

Sheldon Mills: 7:36

gosh. Confession time. Jeff and I were talking about some stuff before we started and about an old friend of ours that we used to do some stuff with and about what he is up to and I, and. Honestly, as I was like catching up, I found my silly, fulfilling a little bit of this, like, why haven't I figured this out yet?, why haven't I,

Jeff Corrigan: 7:59

do you know what I mean? You were living in the

Sheldon Mills: 8:00

gap like today, today, before this. And I, I like, I. Thankfully, maybe because we were talking about this, I recognized that was happening , and I was like, gosh, like how do I stop this? You know, in the moment.

Jeff Corrigan: 8:16

Yeah. So how do we stop? So I, I think this, these are all gonna be helpful examples for you to. understand when you're in the gap, because I think one thing that I was the revelation to me when I first read Ben Hardy and Dan Sullivan's book, the Gap in the Gain, which by the way, we are given away for free while supplies last on our website. So I'll send, I'll put the link in the show notes for that as well. We've been doing it for a while, but now that we're bringing it up on the show again, you guys can go snag a copy. It's a free Kindle copy on us, no strings attached. Just cuz we think you're awesome for listening. But it is

Sheldon Mills: 8:47

a really good book. Don't let the, I mean, if you go, if you went to Kindle right now to buy it, it'd be 10 bucks. Like this really is a deal.. Jeff Corrigan: Yeah. So save yourself 10 bucks and get it from us. Okay? The, the cool thing about it though, That was the revelation to me is how often I was, cuz I'm, I've always considered myself a pretty positive person. Like I, I'm like, me too generally have like a very positive outlook. I try not to compare, you know, all those types of things. But after I read the book, I realized how many areas I was living in the gap in. And it mostly had to do with my goals, my own ambitions. Mm-hmm. and where I was in progress to those. So not so much in the comparison realm of like against others. Physical or beauty or money.

Jeff Corrigan: 9:25

Yes. Yes. Yeah. Not that I'm above those things, but I think hopefully I'm mature enough now that those don't bother me that much. I don't know for sure right., but hopefully, hopefully, like I said. But the, the biggest thing for me was just like, oh, in my own goals, I feel constantly like I'm, I'm lacking. Like I'm not measuring up. Like I'm not fulfilling to my full, fulfilling to my fullest. There you go. And that's a good phrase. And it's, it's, it's actually been a detriment to my success and my progress because it, when you are living in the gap, the number one thing you will find, is that it slows your progress, that it dampens your motivation, and it really does. It destroys your happiness. Yeah. Sap your energy and destroys your happiness, all those things because you're thinking you're not there yet. Yeah. And you're waiting for some destination to feel successful or feel happy or feel. and what we are gonna hopefully help you see today is that by turning your eyes backwards instead of forwards, and then that sounds weird, , because you do wanna keep moving forwards. But me to measure and say, look how far I've come from where I was. When you do that, that is living in the gain. And Dan, Ben, Dan Sullivan has a great example in here. Sheldon, you wanna share it?

Sheldon Mills: 10:44

Just before that, when, when I considered myself a very positive person, right. And it dawned on me. reading the book, how often I am living in this gap. If we're honest, we all know there is a gap between where we are and where we wanna be, right? Mm-hmm. But if we only focus on that gap, that is a recipe for misery.

Jeff Corrigan: 11:06

Yeah. And, and in the book, Dan Sullivan compares it against chasing the horizon or chasing the rainbow. Chasing the rainbow. Yeah. When like, yes, it is great. You have to have goals. Like they're the only thing moving you forward, right? It's like, where am I going? Where do I wanna be? But when you're measuring against that, when you keep on like, oh, like the rainbow, it just gets further and further away. Like, have you ever tried to chase a rainbow ? It doesn't ever get closer.

Sheldon Mills: 11:32

I remember having this, this conversation with somebody who I was describing. They were asking me about stuff and just like, what am I doing And, and work and life and family and church and, and physical and and stuff. And I described some of the stuff and they were just like, wow, like you're doing a lot. And it dawned on me. I can't remember the last time I went to bed feeling like I'd accomplished everything I, I wanted and I'm putting this in air quotes shouldn't accomplished that day. It should have.

Jeff Corrigan: 12:02

Yeah. Should have, should have. Sheldon Mills: Yeah, exactly. Right. And it was like this donning moment of like, oh my gosh, like this is just tapping my happiness and energy. Mm-hmm.. And, and there's a quote in there that we really liked that says what is it? It's

Sheldon Mills: 12:19

there is no hap there is no way to happiness. Happiness is the

Jeff Corrigan: 12:22

way. Yes. There is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way.

Sheldon Mills: 12:27

That that is the happiness advantage. That is like the whole premise of that book. Mm-hmm. is like all these tactics to find happiness along the way. Right? It's like it can't be this goalpost that once I achieve this success, then I'll be happy. Once I achieve this goal, then I can be happy. Right. You have to. Have a lifestyle and methods and happiness of living that way. And again, I've all heard this like the gratitude journal, right? I've got one cuz I used it for quite a while. It's like, at the end of the day, write three things you're grateful for because Yeah, I was in such a, a mindset of just like focusing on where I lacked and where I'd fallen. Where things weren't quite right and I, okay, this is confession time a little bit. I've focusing on this learning about, I've realized that how much this bled over into my thinking in general and how unwittingly it was hurting my relationship to my spouse and my children. Mm-hmm., because I didn't want to, I wasn't consciously trying to do this, but like, this is just the, the way I thought. Yeah, my pattern of thinking. And so how could it inevitably, bleed over into that, right? Mm-hmm. always focusing on, on, you know, oh, they, they did cleaning and it's like they did their chores and they picked up this, vacuumed this, this, except they they didn't do this one portion over here, and what do I talk to them about? That one portion that they didn't quite get right. You know what I mean? Mm-hmm.. Okay. The, the story. So this is Dan Vin, and Bob is in this group. So these are the two characters. Dan asked Bob what he had accomplished in the previous 90 days, and Bob started sharing some of the progress his company had made, such as the New Deal they'd secured. But immediately after sharing what they'd done, Bob began explaining that their progress didn't actually mean anything because it wasn't what could or should have happened. Yeah. But none of that really me means anything because, and while listening to Bob devalue his progress and complained about his situ. It says, Dan suddenly and clearly saw an explanation for a weird thing that successful entrepreneurs do to undermine their growth of confidence. This wasn't the first time he'd heard one of his clients grumble about the progress. Mm-hmm. Dan walked to his paper flip chart and drew a picture to explain to Bob what was happening. At the top of the paper, Dan wrote the word ideal. At the bottom of the page he wrote start, . Then between the two words on the middle of the page, he wrote achieved. Then he drew a line between the words achieved and ideal., this is where you were 90 days ago. You achieved this. This is what you've actually achieved in the last 90 days. The ideal is where you wish you were. You have an ideal in your mind, and you're measuring yourself against your ideal rather than against the actual progress you've made. This is why you're unhappy with what you've done, and it's probably why you're unhappy with everything in your life. You're measuring yourself against the gap

Jeff Corrigan: 15:28

and the switch that has to be switched here is to simply measure against progress. Progress instead of your ideal. And you may say to yourself, well, yeah, but that's like unrealistic. Like we, you know, if we're trying to achieve something, and I, and I would argue that the only way you will achieve it is creating a positive momentum. Yeah. And positive momentum comes from measuring those daily wins, the progress that you're. Towards your ultimate goal and it also brings happiness cuz you're enjoying the journey along the way. The moments. that you create, celebrating those things that are going well and not everything goes well. This isn't a, like, stick your head in the sand, right? like, there's gotta be problems to fix. Here's a great comparison that I think stands out to me. I, as far like my financial automation, I put away a certain amount of money into an investment fund every month. And this can just be like the progress you're making towards any goal, right? Like my end goal, of course is to hopefully have millions of dollars available to me when I retire. as a nest egg, as a backup plan, right? It's like, okay, if everything else horribly goes awry and all my money's gone, at least I have this nest egg that I can live off of. That's the goal, right? Live off your nest egg. So but along the way, as you know, investments go up and. Like 2021, an amazing investment year. You know, everybody was up 20, 30, 40% last year, 2022, not as good of a year., right? Everybody was down. And that's the way of the, the market, that's the way of investment funds is that they, they tend to go up and down and. Here's what happens. If you pull your money out, nothing , there's no growth at all. But as I looked over the years, even though 2022 wasn't great, and I was filling in the gap about it, like, oh man, I was down 20%. Well, the year before that, we were up almost 40%. So you gotta think to yourself, all right, what am I? What's my gain? Well, I'm up 20% still. It doesn't always feel that way in the moment, but as you look over the progress that you've made over the last whatever time period that looks like, you're like, all right, I, I'm, I'm gaining right. Even though it looks like a big dip, you're actually tra your, your trajectory is on an upward trend, and that's how progress really is made because you're never, it's never perfectly up. Shelton's laughing over there. What you, you got Shelton,

Sheldon Mills: 17:50

I think of a, a mathematical equations between investments and losses because if, if this year at a hundred percent gain and next you're at a 50% loss, they're actually equal. Jeff Corrigan: Yeah. Well, so there you go. Right?. So I'm even, even, regardless. No, that's, but if, but as you go over the years, right, and what all investment advisors will tell you, right? Is the fact that over time there's. A trending up gain, right? If you look at the last couple hundred years the market has gone, but it's a 20 year period. That's right., the market has gone up and, and that, so the better thing you can do is to measure backwards and, and not just to say like, oh, today sucked. But you can say, well, I missed today, but how many times did you do it this week? Like especially, we talk about habits a lot on the show, huh? Shocker. Right. And if, how many times did. Do your activity this week. How many times did you do your activity this month? How many times did you do your activity this year? And even if for whatever reason you're like, in the last month I didn't do it this month. It's like, okay, well let's go back to the beginning. When did you start making progress towards this new goal? Oh, six months ago. Okay. Well, over the last six months, how much progress has you made? Because, and this isn't a delusional moment, it's, it's a moment to give you energy to say, Hey, I've done it before, and I can do it again. It's like I can make progress. Towards my goals. It might not be as fast as I want. And I'll tell you this, the more consistent you are, that compounds into greater results, right?, the more consistent you are. Well, and there's so many good way, ways to measure, I think, more effectively. Right. It's like that's the reason we have our habit tracker. It's not so you can see the days you missed. It's so you can see the times you did it. Yeah. Because that equals progress, right? Mm-hmm., sometimes I, you know, I work with people who are struggling with certain propensities that addictions whatever, and instead of focusing on like the last time, right, it's trend lines. You know what I mean? Mm-hmm., well, five months ago. this many slips, you know, and it's, as long as it's trending up, that's progress. Yeah. And if you continue on that slope, that trajectory you're gonna get there may not be as quick as you want. Yeah. We get that. But if you only focus on like, you know, the, the absolute end goal and every time you ever fall short of it, that is a recipe for, for depression and unhappiness and just struggle and misery.

Jeff Corrigan: 20:19

Mm-hmm.. Well, and I, I think you brought it up. So two ways that we're gonna suggest you track this, right? Because the, the next step for you is always to take action. It's like, okay, first identify where it is. You're filling in the gap. What goal have you been working towards that you feel like you haven't been measuring up, you're being impatient with how slow it's going or whatever. You're not making the progress you were hoping to have. And that you're feeling behind. It's like, I, I love that phrase. People are like, oh, I'm so behind. I'm like, behind on what? Like, . It's like, it's not, you're not in class. Like maybe you are in class, in that case you are behind, you might be behind , but , but for, for the rest of us living normal life, unless, unless you missed your tax date or something, like, you're not, you're not behind. Right. You, you and I, and I don't wanna say you have all the time in the world. Make it count, obviously, but you gotta stop feeling like you're behind and start saying like, I'm making progress every day and, and change that. And the way to do that is start tracking. We have a habit tracker that you can use, you can download from our website for free. We'll give the link in, in the show notes. There's a lot of links today. So , hopefully I remember we put 'em all in . I'll try. Hey, but if we get two outta three, that's a game, right? So, but, and then the other way actually was was one of my coaching clients that took the idea of Habit Tracker and turned it into her own game that she, even, that she's like, oh, this works even better for me. And we all are always about the modified version. Take the method that we give you and make it your own. What, what way could you make it better, easier, more effective for you? Because if you can do that, You can take these tools and turn them into something useful, like the, the principles are true no matter what, or I shouldn't say no matter what, but the principles are true, right? It's just a matter of how you implement it. That changes, and so what she did is she actually took manila folders and they put the identity. The investment or the commitment of the future self that they wanna become. We call that identity, right? It's like the identity they're trying to create in their life. And they put it on a manila folder and suck it to the wall, and now every time they do something that relates to that new identity during the day, they get to put a little ticket into their own folder. So they're literally taking votes for their future self every day. It's like, all right, every time I do so. That is part of my commitment and investment to my future self. Boom. I'm gonna put it in a ticket. So that could be like, okay, I have a goal to be an author, right? So it's like every time I write, I'm gonna put a ticket in. Every time I write down an idea that goes into my book or my, or my writing, I put, I put it in a ticket, right? So it's, it's just that physical manifestation of. that progress you're making. And then at the end of the week, you can count on how many tickets you have. You're like, oh my gosh, I did so much this week towards my goal.. Right? And it gives you that confidence and motivation to keep going. And there's almost nothing more powerful than momentum in pushing you towards your goals and creating the compound effect in your life. So I wanna share

Sheldon Mills: 23:12

this example. A couple more examples we'll share with you guys. This one this is from Ben. In the gap in the game, talking about a friend and his view on, you know, where, where literally his, his beliefs and his belief system, his religion mm-hmm. He realized was, was getting in the way of his. Seeing things in the gate and not the gap. I'll read it. Yeah. Even religion, which is supposed to bring people hope and healing can be a reason people go into the gap. As one friend told me, I've always measured myself against perfection because that's what I believe God can make me and I'm never measuring up. Maybe he didn't get the memo that God is in the gain, not the gap. We focus on not being as far as the next guy or why he is taking so long and how we're never enough. God is focused on how far we've come and the direction we're heading. God isn't beating us up for not being perfect, but cheering us on with growth and pr. Progress we're making. I love that because I've fallen into that trap. It's like even these ideals are supposed to help us find more happiness and growth, perceived, in the wrong light can be a burden. And this, this albatross hanging on our neck. Right? And it's like, change the way you look at things and the things you look at change, right? Mm-hmm., I change best by feeling good, not by feeling bad. Like this is the way to measure real progress, right? The way I, I believe fundamentally that God measures our progress, right? Mm-hmm., he's not beating us, and it's like, yeah, you know, you just failed again all the time for you're not perfect, right? It's like, I think he's cheering us on for all the progress and effort We.

Jeff Corrigan: 24:53

Absolutely. Well, and, and a friend mentioned to me today, and I think it fits really nicely here, that she's like, you, we can't see the whole picture, right? We don't know the future and, and to count ourselves like falling short. We don't know what opportunity comes along the way. One thing I've noticed about some things that take longer than I expected is a lot of times I'll come up with something better in the meantime or I'll make a connection that helps me make even more progress faster. Right? So it's like we think that there's this always this gap, but we don't necessarily know why that gap exists. And it's possible that that gap exists for a reason, to give us more space to make a connection to see an opportunity that we couldn't have otherwise had we been moving too fast. And there's, there's all kinds of ways to look at this. Obviously looking, measuring backwards is the first and foremost, but then also understanding that the gap exists for a reason and there's a reason why we, we aren't at that rainbow yet, right? It's like there's still some progress to be made, and that's okay. And there's, there's a quote here that I love from Darren Hardy says, success is not perfection. Success is progress., just be better today than you were yesterday. And if for some reason you aren't, be better tomorrow than you are today. Mm-hmm.. And

Sheldon Mills: 26:09

it's just a compassionate, beautiful way to look at the world, to look at others and to look at our., right? This is, mm-hmm. living in the gap is beating yourself up for not being perfect.

Jeff Corrigan: 26:24

That's what it is. Well, we could do, we could do a whole other episode on, on, on not measuring other people with the gap either , right? you know, not looking at other people with the gap.

Sheldon Mills: 26:33

Ironically enough, that would probably be extremely useful because that's kinda where the rubber hits the road, right? It's like I would, maybe we should do that. Maybe we can ask you as the listeners to share examples of you've seen either in yourself, of others, of living in the gap mentality versus living in the game. Because I think if we were to share 10, 15 examples of this, like that's where people would start to be able to be like, oh, I do. You know what I mean? Mm-hmm.. Oh, and the first step is to recognize what's happening. Right. Recognize these thought patterns where it's like, oh, shoot. Yeah, yeah. I do that.. Jeff Corrigan: Well, one of the biggest Sorry, we're going on too long at this point. But two examples. One is with parenting. Yeah. Obviously holding, holding our kids up to a standard that is unrealistic and and not measuring them in the gain like you were talking about earlier. Earlier. The, the other one is holding other people. A standard we keep, right? It's like whether that's a religious standard, whether it's a political standard, whatever that standard is or even an opinion is, and we assume that everyone else should be living that as well. And that I feel like is keeping others in the gap and not allowing us to build a better relationship based on the fact that people are different than us. Maybe they're further along, maybe they aren't as far along, maybe they believe something entirely different, and that's. and living in a way, in such a way that allows everyone to, to do it at their pace, in their way as long as that way of course is legal. You know what I'm saying? Not to get into the weeds, but and so there, there, that's my 2 cents on that, but. Yeah. We could probably dive into any situation, you know what I mean? It's like we, because we all, let's be honest, let's, let's go to something that is the most important thing. Our relationships with our spouses, with friends, with children, parents, right? That is where I think it's very easy to. You know, where, where does that relationship fall short of where you wish it would be? Do you know what I mean?, you know, or Cause people are people, we all are going to fall short either in reality or in sheer perception. And expectation.. Yeah. Right? Yeah. And I think that's a, that's a very quick one when we start to get into the gap and it's like, oh, they didn't live up to my expect. And so you focus on the gap between what reality is and the expectation, the ideal that you're holding for them.

Jeff Corrigan: 29:05

Yeah. That's a great method to, to judge a restaurant. Not a great method to judge your spouse. There's a, there's a quote that I wanna finish with that's from Greg McEwen, and I think it fits nicely with all of this. Yeah. If you focus on what you lack, you lose what you have. If you focus on what you have, you gain what you lack. and it's, it fits really nicely with this gap in the gain situation. When we start focusing on what we have and how far we've come, we will gain what we lack and we will be happier in the moment and have more motivation and energy to do the things that are gonna take us where we want to go.

Sheldon Mills: 29:44

Jeff. Okay? I know we we're going long here.. Yeah. We put some titles in trying to explain. Okay. We wanted to come up with some titles and some stuff. So we, we shared with Chad G T P. Which is actually really quite fun. Who, whoever in the world hasn't tried this by now? And we asked it to give us some ironic titles. It came with some really good stuff, but we wanted to share some of these ironic titles. That's exactly the opposite of the message we're trying to share today. But they were so funny that we just wanted to end with a few of them.. If Jeff can find those,

Jeff Corrigan: 30:14

Yes, ironic titles. We actually meant it from a positive perspective, but being a computer, it just interpreted what we didn't, you know, it filled in the gap, And so here we go. Here's the ironic titles, how to Live in the gain while Still Being Miserable., the joy of celebrating Mediocrity Living in the gain. Sheldon Mills: This is not that, right? Like you'll, for all those who are still like, you won't be less ambitious living this way, you'll just be more happy. Keep going. Keep going. Says the art of settling, living in the gain instead of striving for excellence., the benefits of lowering your standards, living in the gain, the power of giving up, living in the gain instead of chasing your dreams. That was one of my favorites.. The power of, of giving up. Gosh, the gained mindset. How to be content with being average . That's a really good. From ambition to apathy, living in the gain the art of justifying your lack of progress, the benefits of embracing mediocrity, the secret of being happy with being stuck, . So if, if all you can sense is, Hey, I'm stuck and I just wanna be happy where I'm at, well, this is also a good way to do it. make sure you're.

Sheldon Mills: 31:27

I don't think that's it. I don't think that's it at all, if I'm honest., right? Oh. So I, I don't believe that anyone will be less successful or less ambitious they won't achieve less by, by living and thinking in this way. I mean, the happiness Advantage is all about this concept of actually, , if you think in a way that leads to happiness, you'll have better results. you'll have quicker, faster, more accurate, like this will help you not, it's not gonna take away your

Jeff Corrigan: 31:58

ambition, . Right. That's why, that's why I always call gratitude the magic bullet, because you're absolutely right. Like there's no doubt in my mind that when you start, everything you do with gratitude and a positive attitude, it will move you faster, better, and further than you ever could. Go with the opposite mentality. Mm-hmm. like living in the gain will give you all the fuel and energy you. To make the progress you want. And , it is like that, like Darren Heard said, right, success is progress, not the other way.

Sheldon Mills: 32:28

profession living. Living in the gain and living with gratitude are almost synonymous. Right? Yeah. It's gratitude for the progress you've made. It's the gratitude for the change and progress of others from the situation. Like it's, it's measuring against the progress not

Jeff Corrigan: 32:42

the ideal. Yeah. It's coming with a heart full of gratitude and honestly compassion, flexibility with yourself and with others to understand that no one's reached an ideal. There's no perfect person on the planet today, and there never will be again, I should say . We thank you guys very much for listening.

Sheldon Mills: 33:03

Yeah, just Oh gosh, I've, we've ended this like 30 times and I can never remember 101 times to be exact. This is the hundred and second time. Yes. Thank you for joining us today. It's been a pleasure. We, we love to hear feedback and again, reviews on Apple Podcasts is what we're aiming for. And if you found this useful today, please share it with somebody like we don't do anything to grow. We're not, we're not out here marketing this. It's purely word of mouth. So we appreciate if you share this message if it can help someone.

Jeff Corrigan: 33:35

Absolutely. You guys, it's time to start living your best life.