#105: Writing a Better Life Story: Driven by Your Future Instead of Your Past

How would you like to drive with a rearview mirror almost as big as your windshield? 
it would be nearly impossible . And yet that's how we live our lives. We're focused so much on the past, we barely pay attention to the future. But just like driving, the road ahead should get 97% of our attention when we're designing our life.

There's a gap between the life story we are writing and the story we want to be writing. That gap exists primarily because we are too focused on our past. To write a better life story and align the story you want to live with the one you're actually living,  you must shift your focus from the past to the future. If you want to align your dreams with your reality, this episode is for you.

EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS

• The stories we tell create our reality
• Driving with the rearview mirror
• What story are you writing?
• Choosing the story you want to write

ACTION STEP FROM THE EPISODE:
Choose one area of your life you want to write a different story: health, relationships, finances, etc. Where are you current actions out of alignment with that story? What actions would you have to take to write that story. Start taking one action today that will help you write the new story.

RESOURCES FROM THIS EPISODE

• Download your Free Habit Tracker to focus on your future and start writing a better story
• Get 20% OFF our 7 day Habit Mastery course Updated videos dropping this month!
• Launch your week with some magic by subscribing to our FREE MAGIC MONDAY NEWSLETTER 

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Transcript

Sheldon Mills: 0:00

welcome to Habit Masters. I'm Sheldon. I'm Jeff. And today we wanna talk about stories, the stories of our lives, because they inform everything., everything's a story, I mean even our concept of money is really just a story of worth value to this thing, right? Mm-hmm. And it only works cuz we all agree on this same story, every aspect of our life is a story. Jeff, do you wanna The same thing before

Jeff Corrigan: 0:24

I'll say this. Y actually, Sheldon wrote an awesome Magic Monday, if you haven't heard of that. It's our newsletter that we send out weekly, it's free. And it's only like a two minute read every Monday just to launch your week with us. So go kickstart it., he actually gives a great breakdown of what we're gonna talk about today in that email. So check it out. But to your point, Sheldon, I think. Each of us has a story, that's the beautiful thing as we're all writing a story every day that we live. So we've been somewhere and we're going somewhere. So the question really becomes, and the kind of the core of today's episode is what story are you writing and is it the story you want to be writing? And we're gonna give you some nuggets on to, to figure out, okay, well, what story do you wanna write? And then come back to, what story am I writing right now? And not let that stop you from changing because you're never gonna change your life until you change the story you're writing, right? Like the daily actions you're taking, or what I would consider your life's story, whatever you're doing every day, is creating the life story for yourself. Yes.

Sheldon Mills: 1:30

Agreed, 100%. And, and we all okay. Unless your life story is exactly what you want, it's perfect. We all have new stories we want in our lives. New journeys, new identities, right? Mm-hmm. Lemme just read this little section of what I wrote. The stories we play out in our head are our narrative, the stories we believe about ourself, our identity, and the stories we tell ourselves about others. Are the labels we give them, mm-hmm. So what you say about yourself that turns into what we believe about ourself, which turns into what we do and how we act, which ultimately shapes our destiny, who we become and what we do, right? Yeah. So , the grand question is like, what stories are you telling yourself that aren't really taking you to where you want to go, that aren't serving you, that aren't making, bringing you happiness and joy and, and creating bonds and connections with those you love?

Jeff Corrigan: 2:25

Yeah. Well, and I heard a quote this week that I really liked, and I think it fits so perfectly. It's funny how every week it seems like Sheldon, we've got this topic that we're gonna discuss and everything in the universe, everybody talks about it. Yeah. All of a sudden it's like everyone's talking about story this week, somehow. So we're gonna talk about story this week, and the universe is telling us we need to share with you some ideas on story. So this quote comes from JM Barrie who wrote, The famed Peter Pan his, it says, the life of every man is a diary in which he means to write one story and writes another. And his humblest hour is when he compares the volume as it is with what he vowed to make it. And I think that in essence is what we're trying to share here today, is we all have a story that we want to be writing, and then there's the story we're actually writing. And if we can help you align those two. We will have done our jobs. Yes. Hope you Yes. Align the story you're writing with the story you want to be living. So there's a great analogy, and I'm gonna let Sheldon tell you because I, he wrote about it and it's just so fun. But it really gives you a great example of how to make this real in your life. So,

Sheldon Mills: 3:30

okay, so. The story we're telling ourselves, the story we want to create. I mean, we've talked, it feels like at nauseum about how our identity, the stories we're telling are like our garden and the things we are planting or, or the weeds we're letting grow. You know what I mean? Like we're not gonna go deep into that anymore cuz we probably heard it enough and we're gonna talk about more later on writing a book about it for heaven's sakes. So the analogy is this. That far too often are past, right? The stories that have happened in our past, we let that dictate far too much of our future. And it's like driving a car, right? It's impossible to safely drive a car while only looking in the rear view mirror.

Jeff Corrigan: 4:10

Could you imagine? We're like, if our rear view mirror was bigger than our windshield driving down the road. It, it would be kind like those days when you, you know, your frosted window and you, you didn't take the time to scratch it off. I've never done that, by the way. Yeah, yeah. Me neither. Hopefully none of us have. Right. Okay. sins committed. Do that one and a half inch gap. That Yeah. Yeah. We've all never texted on our phones while driving either, so, you know, but don't do it. We, we all need to stop. I, I repented of that many years ago and I scratched my window off every time now, but. You're driving, driving in, you can only see through that little inch of your window. That would be like, what? That's how we're living our lives people is we've got this rear view mirror that's taken up 90% of our windshield and we're focused almost entirely on reacting to the things in the past and, and holding onto identities of our past that are stopping us from moving forward.

Sheldon Mills: 5:02

Yeah, only, only seeing where you've been is a terrible way to figure out where you want to go next. But that's how we live our lives, right? Honestly, I think, if we were honest with ourselves, most of us, if you know, the rear view mirror is the past. And our windshield is where we wanna go. It'd be like the, the rear view mirror taking up 90% of the windshield. Right. It's like we let the past dictate whatever stories those have happened. It's like, well, I can't change the future because this is the past. Right. It's silly when you say it like, like that, but it, it really, we, we live like that a lot of the time.

Jeff Corrigan: 5:41

And that's why this analogy works so well, because we all know we couldn't drive with a rear view mirror taking up the majority of our windshield. But yet we try to live our lives like that, where we're always looking to the past to dictate our future. But really we should be driven by the future, and we should be focused on the future. And we should use the past only as a tool to see how far we've come and a,

Sheldon Mills: 6:04

a reminder of the, the le of the stories you don't wanna repeat. Yes. Honestly, I think our future lessons learned, right? How we act literally should be like the windshield. We need that rear view mirror. Yeah. Like it does serve a purpose course. It is important, right? Mm-hmm. But at the same time, the amount of focus and energy we put into it, how much we let that determine, what you're doing driving forward Very little. Yeah. Yeah. If Unless we let it,

Jeff Corrigan: 6:30

right? Yeah, no, you're exactly right. And I was thinking about this psychologically, there's a reason we do this, right? Because the past is somewhere we've been, we know what that is. We've been there. It's comfortable, it's real in our minds. Yeah. Where the future is unmade and can sometimes seem kind of scary. So psychologically, to our brains, it's like, well, I know what that's like though. Even the reason that sometimes people repeat the same activities even though it's not good for them, right? Yeah. Is because it's something they know and they're comfortable there. So yeah, the future is a little bit uncomfortable, and that's part of the reason that we try to avoid it. But in fact, we all know that the purpose of life is progress, right? The purpose of life is. Improving ourselves and contributing to others, improving their own lives. Yeah. So it's like the more we can use the future to guide our everyday actions rather than reacting to our past, the better off what we're going to be. Yeah.

Sheldon Mills: 7:31

I, I've just been reading the book mindset, right? Mm-hmm. And talking about some studies with teachers and whatnot, and assessments, and these are pretty famous studies where, okay, how can you. Assess how successful a student is gonna be, right? Mm-hmm. And largely based off past performance. But you know, depending on how they change the studies, what's it called? The Pygmalion effect, like the expectation changes. The outcome. Mm-hmm. Like all sorts of stuff that if. Yeah. What's the famous one where it's like they, they picked a bunch of students and told the teachers like these are the gifted students. Mm-hmm. But didn't tell them that they were chosen at random. Right. And sure enough, six months down the road, those that the teachers were told were the gifted students performed much better. I. Mm-hmm. You know, because the teacher treated them such the expectation, it's like the future that she saw or he or she, the professor teacher saw for this child was wide open as compared to the rear view mirror past of what they'd done in the past. And all of a sudden it was like, the past didn't really affect much, determined hardly anything.

Jeff Corrigan: 8:41

So if you're listening to this, I want to tell you how amazing you are. You have talents and gifts that the world needs. Yeah. You have a part to play, you can be a change maker. You have permission to live the story. You wanna live to live your best life. That is the goal of this podcast, and I have no doubt you have more. Talent and ability than you could ever need to accomplish all the goals in your life, whether you do it yourself or you hire somebody, whatever. Whatever that takes. I'm pulling the Pygmalion effect on you right now, right? Because I project into your future, the best version of that future that you can imagine. And we've talked about this on our show in the past, but. In imagining, in creating your own fu future, why would you shoot for anything less than ideal, right? Yeah. So the soundtracks that you're telling yourself day in and day out need to change, and the actions you're taking can help that. So we, we had a good example we wanted to share here about writing your story. So let's use the example of like, say it's with your spouse or your partner, right? It's like what kind of relationship story do you wanna write with them?

Sheldon Mills: 9:56

I want an adventure romance with my wife. That's the story I want.

Jeff Corrigan: 10:02

Yeah. Right. E exactly right. So that the, what's helpful about imagining the story you wanna write is like, okay, what's, what's your business? I want like a success millionaire business story. A rags to riches. Rags to riches story. Alright then what are you doing to write that story? What are the actions you're taking on a daily basis to make that a reality in your life? And and the same thing goes with your romance story, right? It's like, okay, when was the last time you took a date? Right? What's the next adventure you have planned just for the two of you? If you really wanted an adventure, romance? Do you have that on your schedule? Are you making that a reality in your life? Because if not, that's not the story you're writing and you need to come to grips with the fact, okay, you need to come and ask your que self the question with my actions. What story am I writing? And then start to rewrite it.

Sheldon Mills: 10:58

The, the rear view mirror tells you the story you've actually written. It shows you what actually came in in the past. So again, useful, necessary. But I want a different future. I want a brighter future. Actually, there's been a lot of great things in the past, but, mm-hmm. Far too often. My, my story has been one of, oh, I've been a little bit wrong in my thinking. Some of the, the less romantic episodes in our marriages have been largely of my creation. Yeah. So, well, at least in that sense, it's, it's the story of learning of progress Yeah. Of transformation and change, right?

Jeff Corrigan: 11:35

Yeah. And the part that I want you to understand right now if you're listening, is that everyone starts somewhere, right? Like no matter what the story has been up to now, That story, it start a new chapter, right? It's like everybody starts as a, a victim and then they grow into the hero and they grow into the, the guide of their life. And the hero's journey starts with you living in a normal everyday life that isn't that great. And then you step into the new part of your story. So what's that transition has to happen though by you deciding it? Every hero in every story in history, including you, in your own story, has to decide where they want to go. That's different than where they're headed.

Sheldon Mills: 12:20

If there's no change, there's really no story.

Jeff Corrigan: 12:24

Exactly. So guys, we've, we've harped on it a lot, but your story is, Largely unwritten. It's like, and every day you get to write that story again. Yeah. Each new day is like a new chapter. If you want. Each new hour can be a new chapter. How are you gonna be different now than you were yesterday?

Sheldon Mills: 12:47

I, in my mind I see like, the two aspects of this is like, first you have to actually be able to see the story you're writing. As compared to the story of what you want to write. You know, what are your actions, ? If you're to just continue onward? Are they gonna take you to the go, the destination, the story you want to go, right? Mm-hmm. And that, that's hard, right? Coming to those like truthful moments of like, okay, so I wanna adventure. Romance with my wife. Well, let's see. I have no future dates planned. I have no future adventures planned at all. You know, when's the last time and the last time I romanced my spouse? But how quickly their, the, our anniversary? Do you know what I mean?

Jeff Corrigan: 13:29

How, how quickly could you change that though? Immediately? Yes.

Sheldon Mills: 13:32

That's the beauty of it. Oh yeah. Okay. And this is the crux of everything, right? No matter. Okay. The rear view mirror shows your entire history. No matter what it was, you could change it today, you could change it. Right now. You want an adventure, romance? Well take an action. That's romantic. Plan an adventure, right? Yeah.

Jeff Corrigan: 13:54

Who you've been. And where you've been does not need to be who you are and who you are going to be. Yes. We tend to think that, oh, we label ourselves and it just becomes like this sticky label that won't go away. It's like, oh, I'm just not that romantic. Oh, I'm introverted. Oh, I'm, I'm I'm not great at math. Oh, I'm not a great writer. I'm not whatever the negative false soundtrack you've been telling yourself. Right. It's like those are all labels. Yeah. And they can be changed. Now whether you wanna change'em is the question, right. Which ones do you wanna change? Yes.

Sheldon Mills: 14:26

So in my article, I, I compare it again to a seed, right. We can change our identity as quickly as we can change the beliefs and the story we're telling ourselves, ? Mm-hmm. And that can happen as quickly as planting a new seed. Now it does take time, it's not like it grows overnight. But with consistency and effort, as long as you're, you're watering this new identity, this new story, you're taking actions toward it, it inevitably will happen, right? It can't, it's like the law of the harvest. Like if you're, if you've got fertile soil and the seeds are planted and it's getting water and sunshine, it's gonna grow, right? If, as long as you're taking care of it, as long as it's not going to, you know, trampled out by neglect, right? It has to grow. Yes, this, it does this story and this identity. You know, if you're taking consistent action on it has to grow. That's why habits, I mean, are whole schtick. Yeah. The small daily actions that take you where you wanna go, and again, it doesn't even have to be huge, right? Mm-hmm. Small daily actions done consistently will beat the Herculean effort every time, exercising five minutes a day. We'll do more for you than two hours on the weekend, even though technically it's like less time. Mm-hmm. Brushing your teeth. Every morning and night for two minutes. We'll do loads more for your health, your gums, your teeth, than a half hour on Sunday, right?

Jeff Corrigan: 16:00

Oh, yes. You're exactly right, So guys, the qu the in to really end this off, I think the key to all this is, first, all growth starts with telling the truth. So you gotta figure out like, okay, well first where do I want to go? Make a decision on what story are you gonna be writing today versus what you were been writing in the past. And then secondly is being honest with where you're at and saying, okay, this is where I'm at today. And as we always talk about measure the progress, it's like that rear view mirror is good for the most important thing. It is, therefore is to measure how far you've come. Yes. To give yourself that boost of confidence in realizing, look where I was and look how far I've come. Yeah, the transition happens almost without it being seen. It's like you'll, you'll start down this road and pretty soon if you are measuring backwards, you'll be able to see, you hardly even recognize yourself. You're a new person in an entirely new storyline.

Sheldon Mills: 17:03

Amen to that.

Jeff Corrigan: 17:05

Thank you all very much for listening. We hope you enjoyed this episode. If you did, please share it with a friend and someone who might need this, who's someone who's ready to write their story. We also have a course that you can go purchase. It's. Awesome is Seven Day Habit Master's course, and it will help you do this exact thing because it's gonna help you clarify your vision and build an action that will take you there, that you, and then turn it into a habit so you can take that action and make it consistent every day, nurturing that new seed of identity for you. It's on, our website. We'll give a link in the show notes.

Sheldon Mills: 17:35

It's newly revamped. We've gotten lot of good feedback. Okay., it was good, but it's better now. Yes. We just rerecorded the whole thing. It's gonna be published this week. You guys are amazing. We hope you enjoy it. It's time to start living your best life. Love it.