#123: Can You Become a Runner, a Writer, or a Loving Spouse by Accident?

Can you become successful by accident?

In this episode we answer that question and  dive into how the power of identity and the stories we tell ourselves can influence who we become and the results we achieve. We break down how our beliefs shape our actions and we share simple ways to transform your life through intentional daily habits. So, if you're ready to take control of your story and make a change that leads to eating results, this episode is for you.

ACTION STEP FROM THIS EPISODE
Take time today to identify and reframe any negative self-beliefs and replaceg them with positive narratives that align with your desired identity, and then pick one action you can take daily to reinforce that new identity.

EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS

• Beliefs Shape Identity (0:00 - 9:30)
• Transforming Self-Narratives (9:31 - 19:15)
• Daily Actions Drive Change (19:16 - 28:45)
• Patience and Consistency (28:46 - 35:10)
• Embracing Growth Mindset (35:11 - end)

RESOURCES FROM THIS EPISODE

• For more info on mastering the fundamentals of habits, check out our 7 Day Habit course email us at hello@habitmasters.com if you're planning to take the course and we'll hook you up with a sweet discount code.
• Check out Jeff's Digital comic here https://www.instagram.com/briscothegnome/

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OUR MISSION
Our mission is to help one million strivers take consistent action on their goals and live a life of greater freedom and contribution.

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Transcript

Jeff Corrigan: 0:00

Welcome back everybody to Habit Masters. This is the best podcast to help you bridge the gap between who you are and who you want to become. And today we have a topic that's perfectly aligned with that. I'm Jeff. I'm Sheldon. And what are we going to talk about today, Sheldon? Okay, we,

Sheldon Mills: 0:17

so we'll give it to you. The, the TRDL, was it too long? Didn't read? The 10 second

Jeff Corrigan: 0:23

version. 10 second version.

Sheldon Mills: 0:25

Woo! I wrote this on my, my son's whiteboard. Yeah, I'm one of those weird dads that like, anyway. The stories we believe about ourselves are our identity and the stories we tell about others are the labels we give them. Both are powerful and both can be changed. So today we're going to share how to change the story we tell about ourself and therefore our identity. And by the end of this episode you'll understand that change doesn't have to be hard or difficult. It just has to be on purpose. It just has to be intentional. And I think this framework we're going to share today will actually make it so like adopting habits and creating a new identity and this and who we want to become and the things we want to change will actually, it'll be pretty simple.

Jeff Corrigan: 1:10

Yeah. And I'd like to say, you know, I just want to debunk. Like a common belief out there that you can't become something overnight, because I think in reality you can now you may not have the results of that thing or the recognition of that thing, but if we if what we're talking about today is true at all, then you really need to become whatever it is. You want to become overnight. You make that decision. You commit to becoming something. You plant that seed. You use the garden metaphor a lot, right? You are that thing now. So, for example, If I'm going to become a runner, the moment I decide I'm going to become a runner, I am now a runner, right? Like the moment I decide I'm going to be a writer, I am now a writer. Now you have to have actions to go with it, right? Commitment without action really isn't commitment at all, but so I'm getting off track, but Sheldon, okay, where are we going with this? What's the framework we're going to talk about?

Sheldon Mills: 2:06

So, okay, we're going to. Let's just jump into it. Whatever identity we want, whatever habit we want to change, whatever thing we want to become, right? It's the exact same as planting a seed. Now in that seed is everything that mighty oak, that mighty redwood's going to be, already exists. And the moment you plant it, it already is, you know what I mean? Like it is that thing, but you know, when it's, when it's tiny, when it's small, it's only been in the ground for a week and it's barely poking out of the ground. It doesn't take much to wipe that out. You know what I mean? You have to guard it. You have to be careful and you have to nurture it, aka water it and sunshine focus, do things every day to grow that. This is kind of the key point though, that, that identity, that little seed can be planted as quick as making a decision that this is who I want to be. This is who I'm going to be, right? So, an identity is really just what we've decided that we, what we want enough that we're going to plant it. We're going to feed it. We're going to water it. Yeah.

Jeff Corrigan: 3:12

Well, and I love, you know, Ben Hardy's definition of this is your identity is what you're most committed to. And, It doesn't always have to be daily, but consistent practice, right? Consistent effort, consistent attention, intentional action towards creating something. And, and like you said, it doesn't, actually have to be that hard, right? Anyways, keep going. I love where you're going with this.

Sheldon Mills: 3:34

What happened is, is again, it's so important to recognize that., I think most of the world thinks you have to, okay, how many days does it take to become a runner? Do I have to run a week? A month? A year? And really all it takes is a decision, like I'm going to be a runner, right? Yeah. But you've planted that seed and if you don't water it and grow it, then it's not going to last. Okay, I'm going to use the book of Mark. This is a parable. Probably most people are familiar with it. It's only like four verses right in the Bible. Har and behold, there went out a sower to sow and it came to pass. As he sowed, some fell by the wayside, okay? Planting seeds, identities, these things that we want. Some fell by the wayside and the fouls of the air came and devoured it. Some fell on stony ground where it had not much earth, and immediately it sprang up because it had no depth of earth. But when the sun was up, it was scorched, and because it had no root, it withered away. And some fell , among thorns, and the thorns grew up and choked it, and it , yielded no fruit. I mean, there's like different ways, whether it's like, we don't protect it, or people, you know, we let distractions and other people come in and stomp on our seeds. But this is what we want. And others fell on good ground, and did yield fruit that sprang up and increased, and brought forth some thirty, and some sixty, and some and hundred. Right, and that's what we want. We want to nurture this identity. This is what we want to become to the point where it's like, it's like a mighty oak. You know what I mean? Yeah, even a mighty oak with enough neglect and enough damage to it could be It's almost like a warning. And a beautiful thing. Like if something's terrible in our life, some, some aspect of our life that we hate, you know, something from neglect and abuse, like, even if it feels like this mighty oak that can be rooted out. Right. But it's going to take more effort and it's going to take more time. And the positive side of that is like, once something is like an identity, like, you know, it's like this mighty oak that's giving us fruit. Like I am a runner and I've proven that because I've ran, you know, four to five times a week for three years. Five years, right? I can miss a couple of days or a week, even a month. And yet that identity still exists in me and it's easy to get back at it.

Jeff Corrigan: 5:55

Right. Yeah. Well, and I think you're right that you know, those identities that we're trying to create are they don't ever happen by accident, right? And we have, we have kind of that title where it's like. Look, you can't become, we proposed the question. Can you become a writer, a runner, a loving spouse by accident? No, you can't. Right. And so if the intentionality isn't there, if, if your commitment isn't there, you're not going to achieve those things. Now, the only things, and they're not even by accident, everything's by choice, but it is easier to slip into negative identities, right? And so often, and we call it the weeds of your, of your garden, call it the, you know, the struggles of life. It is easier to fall into negative habits. It's easier to fall into I was talking the other day and I said, you know, one thing about habits They're hard to make easy to break and that's only true of positive habits It's actually the opposite with negative habits like easy to make hard to break it, right? So, um with with these positive intentions in your life, they do require effort But it really does it doesn't have to be hard like change Can happen almost overnight by simply planting the new seed and then being committed to nurturing that seed in your life of whatever identity it is you're trying to create. Be that of a runner, be that of a better spouse, be that of a great parent, be that of a great employer or employee, right? Whatever, whatever goal you're tracking towards, you know, it's the first of the year, guys. This is everybody's topic right now. But why then do so many people with say, 92% of all, this is the stat I keep hearing over and over in all the books that I read. 92% of all New Year's resolutions fail. Why is that, do you think? Like, what, what is, how do we counteract that?

Sheldon Mills: 7:50

I think it's actually pretty simple, right? It's like we planted a seed. But for whatever reason, whether it's like the birds came in and, and ate it or it fell among stony, like it wasn't really a fertile ground to begin with, or you know what I mean? We let the sun distractions, the, the pressures like scorch it. Do you know what I mean? Like there's simply put, it's just, we didn't continue watering and growing it to the point that it starts to really bear fruit.

Jeff Corrigan: 8:18

Yeah. And you mentioned this earlier that your identity is the story you tell by yourself. It's like what you believe. You are right. Yes And that, I think that therein lies a really important point. It's, it's, you've got to believe that you can, and believe that you are, even in the beginning stages. Say, okay, this is something I'm doing. And I'll give you guys a personal example, right? For years and years and years, I've loved to draw, right? I've loved to illustrate, draw cartoons, mostly comics, right? And I wouldn't call myself an artist, more like a creator of things, right? And You are, Jeff.

Sheldon Mills: 9:01

This is an idea that you need to accept.

Jeff Corrigan: 9:03

Okay. Well, see, there we go, right? Like, until I believe it about myself. You guys,

Sheldon Mills: 9:07

he's great. Okay, I won't steal your thunder.

Jeff Corrigan: 9:09

Keep going. No, yes. Sheldon, he's, it's true, right? And we all, we're our own critic, our own worst critic. Our hardest, what's the word? Yeah, biggest critic. So, anyways, but over the last few months, I just finally was like, it's the thing that I like to do the most, whether I am as good as it, as I'd like to be, which I'm definitely not. Or as proficient and efficient and effective as it, as I'd like to be. It is something where I could spend 10 hours straight and it would feel like 10 minutes, right? Like, I never get tired. And it's it like, what do they call that flow state? It's one of those activities in my life where I can get into a flow state really easily. And that I consider just a gift. Right. It's like there's fertile soil. Like I have really fertile soil with this specific identity. And yet I fail often to plant any seeds there, right? Like I am not good at nurturing the seeds there and until the last few months. And then I've just committed myself that every morning, you know, I've been waking up early. I've been drawing every day, at least a little. And I've seen how that's impacted me and given me more confidence. And even within the last few months, now I started posting a comic strip online and, and you guys will have to go find it yourselves, you know? No, Jeff, we're gonna link to it. Okay. Yeah, we'll link to it. Okay, but, and I'm gonna start posting that in our, that journey, right? Because really this is just a journey, like, guys, I'm not a professional illustrator. I'm not a professional comic strip creator. I'm just a, like a, I'm a wannabe, but I really am, like, Into it, and I'm going to start like posting them on, we can post them in habitmasters. com and things too, and you guys can see that journey and how it's working and, and but that's, that's honestly what it's going to take , and I would say that to make it even easier, I'm sorry, I'm getting off a soft track here, Sheldon, but to make it even easier for yourself is to find that thing That's easy for you to get into a flow state on what's the thing that you enjoy doing that you kind of get lost in where other people probably don't, right? It could look like work to most people, or it could look like a silly hobby to most people, but what's that thing where you're like, no, I could, I can honestly get lost in this. And most of us have something like that, whether we've discovered it or not, I think it exists for all of us. And we have preference, right? Or like a, you know, a predisposition to like this thing or to be like interested in this thing. We'll study it on our own. We'll do it on our own without anybody asking us to do it. Right. That's another key indicator. So, you know, I, I got us way off track. Sheldon, does that fit to what we're talking about? And I'm, it does,

Sheldon Mills: 11:53

it does. I mean, you know, I was talking about like life passions and where to, you know what I mean? And I, I almost think I'm more practical. Like my, my goals of who I want to be as a father, as a husband, as a. Brother and, you know, a member in my church and, and giving service, do you know what I mean? And who I am as an employee, who I am as a friend, do you know what I mean? These are the things that it's like, I have aspirations of things I want to become and do. And I, you have to choose, I mean, it all starts with intention. We have a course that you can take that's all about how to make it easier to water and give sunshine to the seed that you've decided to

Jeff Corrigan: 12:39

grow. Right. Yeah. And it's like, you know, that course actually has some super key elements to it of how to get started with building new habits towards your. And it's, it's all founded on the same principle and it's on our website, it's like a hundred bucks, but we'll easily, you know, we'll, we'll discount it for you to say that you guys jump on it. It's not professionally done, but the information is solid. And this is a practice that has helped us get. Everywhere we've gone in our lives. It's like these few principles, foundations of habit building really

Sheldon Mills: 13:17

good. Don't sell it. Okay. It's actually, there's been a lot of, there's been revisions. There's been a lot of efforts. So don't sell it. Sure. Jeff, it's, it's awesome. Okay. Yes. I mean, it's not perfect. We always want to tweak it and change things, but every single one of those things that had multiple revisions. So it's at a pretty good spot, but summing this all up though, change, I think is simpler than we make. It doesn't make it easy. But at the end of the day, we just have to decide what it is we want to grow. And then, every single day, do something to grow that. That's it. That's really how we change. That's really how we accomplish. That's really how we become. We decide what it is. It has to be intentional. No one becomes an Olympian by accident. No one becomes a doctor. You know what I mean? No one becomes a great husband or, a patient. No one becomes a patient person by accident. Do you know what I mean? It's like these little things that we all want to grow and progress in. It all starts with intention. Then you do those little things, you the universe or , God, he will help you once you put it out there, the universe conspires to make it happen.

Jeff Corrigan: 14:28

Yeah. And I think probably the biggest misconception or misunderstanding that we have with change is that we want the results before the effort. We hope that we can get the tomato without having to wait the two or three months. Right. To plant the seed. Yeah. To plant the seed and, and nurture that seed. And that's just not how it works. Like you're never going to get the fruit. Before you've planted and nurtured the seed. So you, there is a waiting period. There is patience required in this. It's not necessarily hard, but it is a requirement, the fruits don't come instantly. And they, and anybody that you see who has fruits of some effort, it, it's not, it didn't happen overnight, right? Like they committed many, many years, months, however long ago. And now you're seeing that what looks to you like an overnight success is really years in the making or months, at least months in the making, right?

Sheldon Mills: 15:30

There's, there's several things. I hope this illustrate for you guys. I hope it helps you have more confidence and understanding on how to change your life and that you can, right? It's really not, not necessarily easy, but it is pretty simple. And that you'll have more patience in the process, right? That you'll recognize that change takes times because it's, it's growth. And, like you said, it doesn't happen overnight. It just doesn't. That's not how it doesn't work in nature. It doesn't work in us. That's just, it's like the laws of the universe, right? And on top of all that, you just have to make a choice and then you just have to figure out, you know, those little simple actions that will water and give sunshine to what it is you want to grow. Yeah,

Jeff Corrigan: 16:14

and if you are having a hard time believing something about yourself, there's some of our episodes previously where we talk about, change your mind to change your life. Right. And this was, this is what we did is episode one 19th from October of last year is the power of positive self talk. And I think that will help because sometimes we struggle with believing in ourselves. Like we see that little plant that we started to grow in our garden and we're like that, that could never actually yield. Fruit, right? Like, look at that thing. It's tiny like this. You know, we, when we, that's what it's like when we have no belief in ourselves, like we've been started something. We're down that road, but we want the result before we've put in the effort and it's hard to believe that that will ever come. But just like anything, anything else in your life. You've got to start little and consistent intentionally and consistently and then all of a sudden down the roads You're gonna start seeing that results coming like all this plants actually get bigger. Oh, wow. I see some fruit on there It's just not ready to pick yet. And then one day The fruit is born and you're like, wow, look, I got a ripe red, ripe tomato. And it's my, you know, so delicious out of the garden and you're like, you don't understand how grocery stores sell such crap fruit, you know, how is this so much better than what they sell at the grocery store? No, sorry, getting off track again. But I feel like that's, that's where, where we have to get to is, is this belief in ourselves? And I, I'll tell you this so I've, been taking online courses for, for illustration for the last few years, like we said, right, nothing's born overnight, like these comic strips that I've just released to others. They might look like, wow, this kid's been at it for a long time. I have, right. It's been like, I'll admit I was nervous to actually try and complete a project and put it out there into the world because I had that lack of belief in myself, but now that I've done. Several of these, I'm like, okay, I can actually do this, right? Like, I know it's not up to the same level as some of these awesome, like, illustrators that have been doing it for 40 years or 30 years, but Or, it's taken me years to get here, and I literally wrote myself a contract committing myself to being an illustrator. I'm gonna write a trilogy of, , graphic novels. Alright? Graphic novels. And you know, I gave myself a timeline. I won't tell you what that is, because if I don't meet it, I don't want the rest of the world hammering me on it. But it's commitment between me, myself, and I. And my future self. And but that's something you can do. Creating that belief in yourself is sometimes the hardest part. And, , it doesn't have to be that way though. If you, you can give yourself anyway, some kind of contractor, commit yourself, hire yourself to do the thing you want to do. I think that's, that's one of those little secrets in life. It's like literally hire yourself. You have to pay yourself. Great. So anyway, I'm getting us off track again. Sheldon, finish us off. Tell us where to go here. Okay.

Sheldon Mills: 19:05

We're excited for this new year. It's been a bit since we've recorded. We're here to help you make change simple, even easy, you know, but simple be so that because now, you know, the process, now you understand like how it really works. I mean, there are so many nuances and so many things we can go in depth, every aspect of this parable, this, this framework, but as simple as at its core, developing, creating a new identity.. It is pretty simple. Mm-Hmm. change. It's pretty simple. You just have to decide what it is you want and where you want to go, who you wanna become, and then take simple daily steps to water and grow that thing. And it will happen. It's inevitable. It's a law of nature. It will, it will become that. It will become this tree that gives fruit 30 fold, 60 fold, 100 fold. You just have to keep

Jeff Corrigan: 20:01

at it. Yeah. And, and I like, John Acuff talks about guaranteed goals, and this is a very similar idea. It's like if you're doing a certain action every day, you're guaranteed to achieve results, right? You're like, there's, there are such things as guarantees and it's called when I am committed and I'm taking daily actions, like of, you know, writing or doing something nice for my wife or my kids, I inevitably will become a better dad, a better husband, right? Like there's no way I can't, if I'm consciously trying every day to do something. Extra nice for my wife. It's like, okay, if I'm having that external focus, , that's what they call a guarantee goal. I, within a year, I will be that much better of a husband because I've made a conscious effort every day to do something nice outside of the norm for my wife. Right? And that's something that I want to commit to this year is becoming, is working a little bit each day on I'm thinking more about meeting her needs and her wants than I ever have. So there's that. Hey guys. I will say this, the last thing we're going to say is, so excited for this year, the last couple of months have kind of been like a rollercoaster of like, okay, are we going to keep going with this? How are we going to make this more valuable for the listener? You know, what? How can we bring next level, Value and impact for you, for the listener, so that you want to share this with other people. Because honestly, we think we have a lot of good stuff to share, and we would love it. If you think any of this is good enough to share, please share it with at least one person. That's our only request. Share our, because podcasts are a little bit hard, we don't get a ton of feedback. Because there's just not like a place to comment, right? It's not like a YouTube video. But we would love it. If there's anything of value here that you're like, this is shareable. This is something I like. And if you guys have a question that you're wondering about related to change, transformation, and, and honestly, just Living a more fulfilling, joyful life, email us hello at habitmasters. com. We want to start answering questions you have, right? And we're not going to say that we have all the answers, but if we don't, we'll find the experts that do, that have the answers for you, right? And we'll interview them. But first we want to know the struggles you're having. What, what are the questions and challenges you're facing that are preventing you? Bridging the gap between who you are and who you want to be, and we want to help you get there. That is our goal, and I'm re inspired. Like, it's been the last couple months where I've been debating whether I was even going to do this anymore. I'm just being really honest with you guys. It's been four years, and you know, I've just found my passion for art, and I'm like, I'm like, maybe I should just do that, right? Like, maybe that should be my only intention. And then I talk here with Sheldon on this, on this episode, I'm already like, Okay, no, I'm meant to be here. Like, this is supposed to happen. Not because I have all the answers, but because I have so much to learn. And I, I really want to help as many of you get there as I possibly can process. amen into that. So our goal, more vulnerability, more impact, more value. Okay, guys, we're back.

Sheldon Mills: 23:25

Thank you. We love you. It's gonna be a great year.

Jeff Corrigan: 23:30

Yes it is See you on the next episode