Stripes: my newest Tiny-Huge Life-Changing Practice

I’ve been waking regularly thinking about stripes. 

My mind was very focused on all the things I had to do, all the bookings in my calendar - the black stripes. I noticed that this focusing on the stuff to do felt like pressure and was resulting in feelings of overwhelm that needed to be shifted before I could start my day. 

I wanted to start my day in a lighter way. After all, overwhelm is optional and it’s definitely not how I move through the world at my best.

And also, I like the stuff in my calendar! I put it there after all. This feeling of heaviness needed to be gently rebelled against.

I started to play with focusing on the space between the obligations - the white stripes. It feels so much better!

Listen to this week’s episode to find out more.

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Welcome to the Overwhelming's optional podcast where each week we find ways to gently rebel against the nonsense that overwhelming exhaustion are just the price you pay to have the life you want.

Speaker 1: 0:13

So I've been thinking a lot about stripes, bear with me here.

Speaker 1: 0:17

So I was waking up in the morning and thinking about stripes and the black stripes are all of the meetings the client calls, all the tasks I've put in my calendar and all the things on my to do list that I feel obligated to do, for whatever reason. There's lots of reasons. We have obligations. Some of them are old obligations that we could look at and maybe let go of and relieve pressure over, but a lot of them are because we have commitments and connections and that matters to us and integrity matters and there's joy in having obligations. So what I'm saying is they're not good or bad things, they just are. They're in my calendar. I've said I do them, I want to do them, but sometimes I can wake up in the morning feeling like my whole day is just blocks of black stripes and there's no space for me and it feels pressured, and then I notice some overwhelm is just clogging me because I get slipped back into that when I've got through all of these things, then I will feel at ease, and that is to me a warning sign of slipping back into old habits, or not really so much slipping back into old habits, but just noticing oh, that's the old pattern, that's how I used to do things, so that's not how I do things anymore. So here's an opportunity to look at that. So I was noticing, I was really getting this strong picture in my head about stripes, and I've shared this with a couple of clients and I shared it in the gentle rebel community this morning and it seems to be resonating, so I thought I'd share it with you. So I'm waking up in the morning and I'm thinking about stripes and all of the black stripes are all my obligations, all my meetings, all my tasks, all the things that I feel are fixed, and I'm noticing that with that, I feel a sense of pressure. Regardless of whether they're things I mean, for me they're going to be things I really, really want to do. Some of them might be scary, because they might be things that are new or things that just feel scary for whatever reason. You know, the things that have been sitting on my list for a while, that I've been putting off. That are opportunities for noticing how I'm approaching tasks. You know there are different. The black stripes have different qualities, but anyway I'm noticing pressure associated with them, regardless. Some of them I'm really looking forward to. Most of them I'm really looking forward to oh my God, like coaching to me, utter, utter joy. So they're just I'm noticing.

Speaker 1: 2:46

It's a neutral, noticing practicing and wake up in the morning. I'm thinking about stripes, I'm noticing the black stripes, all the things I have to do, and associated with that is a sense of pressure, is a sense of oh, there's some restrictions there and it doesn't feel great. So then I notice there's some overwhelm associated with that, because my mind is, as soon as my mind is going into this kind of black and white thinking of when I've got through this part of my day, then I'll be able to do all these other things that I believe that will bring me more joy. It's not true, by the way. It's not true, of course. It's not true. It's not that I love every task in my calendar, but I choose to do work that lights me up.

Speaker 1: 3:33

So none of this is true, but I'm just noticing that there's a sense of pressure, that and it will be because I want to do things really well and actually I think for me there's also this like residual underneath, like guarding panic about If you've got too much in your calendar, that could be dangerous because you could end up burning out again. I do think there's still a little hint of that running through my nervous system, which I don't think that's a problem, because it is a warning, because I'm the kind of person who obviously unexpectedly burnt out before. I don't believe it will ever happen again, because you built my business in a way that meant I couldn't absolutely deliberately. So I put built my business around walking my talk and because I'm a person of integrity, I literally can't overwork to achieve anything in my business, because then I'd be out of integrity and that really doesn't work for me. So but I'm just laughing at myself so I could have a calendar full of joyful things. In fact I would argue I can and is full of joyful things. But my mind is looking at it as you need to do all of these things Pressure, overwhelm, you have to push on through to exhaustion, because that's an old habit, it's not true?

Speaker 1: 4:59

So what I started to say is think, are the stripes, what's between the stripes? And it got me thinking about. You know, there's this old you might not know, but there's lots of old pictures from psychology that show how visual perception works, so things like I think there's a picture of a lady and she you can some people see the young lady and some people see an older lady, depending on what they see. And there's another one to do with stripes, and I haven't looked it up and I think they're rods and they're not of even length. I think it's a. It's a, I think it's by ash or somebody. Anyway, it doesn't really matter, but it is to do. I think it's to do with conformity. So people will if somebody says that that rod, black rod is longer than that one, even though clearly isn't, most people will agree because there's we have this conformity thing anyway.

Speaker 1: 5:55

Anyway, just got me thinking in my psychologist brain about some of these Pictures and optical illusions and the way we look at things determines what we see. And I was thinking about these stripes and how it's clear that my mind is focusing on the black stripes because it's really important. I remember to do them and I'm obligated to do them and integrity matters to me and I'm not focusing on the white stripes, so, between, by definition, stripes, black stripes there must be between stripes. So the between stripes in my mind are these white stripes, but I'm not viewing them. I'm not seeing them, despite the fact that the black stripes can't exist without the white stripes. My mind's not noticing them. My mind's really, really focused on all the things I have to do. So I thought what if I just refocused on the space between? How would that feel? And I started playing with this in the last couple of weeks and I've shared it with Some clients and they really like it. So instead, it's an opportunity to say, okay, I have all these things to do, but where's the space in between? And there is always space in between.

Speaker 1: 7:03

Even though one of my bug bears is that most meetings run back to back, most appointments run back to back and there is no space in between. There is always space for you. This is what I've found to be true. There is space for us. You can take space in the busiest day. You can train yourself to take space in a meeting, because, unless you're holding the meeting and having to focus really, really hard which, let's face it, most meetings aren't that well run. They're not that efficient. You don't really have to think. You can't. Also, you can't think to that intensity all day or for a whole hour. It's just not possible. A lot of meetings could be a lot shorter. They could be run from five past the hour to five to two. Loads of stuff could be done to work better with the human mind. I'm sure some companies are doing it. Anyway, there is always space even when there isn't physical space. So there can sometimes be space even inside the black stripes, depending on how you are.

Speaker 1: 8:03

And I'm not suggesting like not being there as in you know, being one of those people who's on secretly messaging other people while they're in a meeting. I mean that might not be a bad thing. That sounds really judgmental. That's not what I mean. What I mean is we can still show up properly for people without having, without squishing ourselves. There are ways to do things. There are ways to be present with ourselves, giving ourselves space, holding space for ourselves while being with other people, and there are other times when we have to give all of our attention to that other person.

Speaker 1: 8:48

There are different degrees of attention needed, even within back to back meetings. So there's even space within the black stripes, but the easiest place to find space is in the space between the stripes, and there is always space. It's just we don't notice it. We notice everything we must do and we feel the pressure of that At least I do, and I know my clients do, do you? So this week I'd like to invite you into my new practice of asking instead, where's the space, however tiny, and then notice any feelings of relief that come with that, just the refocusing. So I'm not trying to create space, because that can be hard work, but just looking for it, just noticing it is their space. Where is the space? In my day it could be a commute, could be even just popping to the loo and then allowing some freedom from overwhelming that space.

Speaker 1: 9:48

So allowing your mind, calling your attention back to yourself, is a really good one. So often our attention's zooming around the office or zooming across the planet or zooming around in time and space and isn't really with us Calling your attention back to yourself, particularly dropping out of your head, where the overwhelm lives, into your body and feeling your feet on the ground, feeling your buttocks on your seat, or if you say walk to the photocopy, or you walk to the loo, or if you're working from home, maybe go outside for a moment, feel your feet on the ground as you walk Really, really helpful practice. Get out of your head into your body, allowing the belly to soften, allowing the shoulders to move away from the ears, space between the teeth, just calling your attention back to yourself, even for a moment, getting out of your head into your body creates space for you. And using those white space, the white stripes, to allow a feeling of space Because this is the thing Feeling like this space for you is a feeling.

Speaker 1: 10:59

It's not actually an action. You can have loads of time and feel there's no space for you because your mind is clogged up with obligations to other people or with anxiety about the future and the past. Space for ourselves is something we feel and we have to allow and create by looking for. So this is my newest tiny, huge life changing practice you heard it here first and this is just called stripes and it's the waking up in the morning and noticing where your attention goes and if your attention's on all the black stripes and none of the white stripes, and then refocusing with gratitude for all your obligations onto, if you can, if you want, onto the white stripes, and noticing where there is space for you and allowing a feeling of that space.

Speaker 1: 11:48

I hope you enjoyed that. I hope you find it helpful. I'd love to know your thoughts on it. Drop me a message on Instagram or just email me, heidi at HeidiMarkcouk, and let me know what you did with it. Let me know how that expands the feeling of space for yourself. I'd love to know. See you next week For more resources to help you gently rebel. Please visit my website, wwwheidimarkcouk.