The Cool Pheasant's Way: Strategies for a Calm, Controlled Life

Inspired by two pheasants at Fountains Abbey in North Yorkshire, I have some questions for you! 

Are you tired of being the panicked pheasant running into a solid hedge? Wouldn't you rather be the cool, professional pheasant that effortlessly finds its way through? 

Find out how to morph from being the panicked pheasant to a professional, efficient one, and reclaim control of your life. Tune in and embark on a journey to make overwhelm optional.

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Welcome to the Overwhelming's optional podcast where each week we find ways to gently rebel against the nonsense that overwhelming exhaustion are just the price you pay to have the life you want. So I was watching these pheasants. I was at Fountain's Abbey in North Yorkshire beautiful, beautiful place and I was watching these pheasants and a hedge and the younger pheasants were running up and down, panicking as we walked towards them. I mean, pheasants are known for that kind of behaviour anyway. But they were running up and down this hedge, panicking because they couldn't find a way through, sheer panic, couldn't get through, even though it wasn't a solid hedge and it wouldn't have been that hard. But they were so panicked they couldn't see a way through. They were just running up and down the hedge, madly, trying to get through, trying to escape from us, but there was no escape because they didn't know the secret door through the hedge. And then I walked this older, more professional pheasant and he just came along and he just popped through the hedge like there was this invisible door, as if by magic, without any panic, he just disappeared into this hedge. And it got me thinking about how, when we're overwhelmed, we behave like the panicked pheasant and when we take the time to learn the skill of making overwhelm optional for us. When we choose to notice the overwhelm and get out of our head into our body, allow the overwhelm to gently subside, allow the clarity, allow the ease to pause and wait before acting, we are much more like the professional, really cool pheasant who just disappeared through the hedge as if there was a magic door. So when we're overwhelmed, what do we do? Well, if you're anything like me, for years I didn't notice when I was overwhelmed, because I didn't see it as an issue. I just thought it was par for the course. Everybody around me was severely overwhelmed, to the point of not being able to think straight, to the point of hardly me to keep their eyes open. I mean, it was just ridiculous, but that's how we were. So that was the job. There was a lot of kind of just acceptance of that.

Speaker 1: 2:15

I think there's a lot of that around, that working hard, having a successful life involves pushing through overwhelm. That's just how things are, which doesn't work for me anymore, because that, to me, is what led to my burnout, because I didn't know what was coming, because I couldn't see the damage I was doing to myself. So, for me, the damage that happens when I pushed through overwhelm or I used to push through overwhelm was that actually my nervous system was being alerted too often. So there's temporary periods of overwhelm and I would still get that now that's going to happen. It's natural to get overwhelmed and that's different because then you come out of the overwhelm and you can see where you were pushing and what was causing the overwhelm. You can get the clarity back to be able to course correct next time. So I might still now get temporary periods where I'm really busy. Maybe I've taken on too much or maybe mostly actually it'll come with learning a new skill. I noticed very quickly that learning a new skill can feel very overwhelming and I just can't think straight and then after I've learned it I'm like, oh, it's really easy. But that's different. Right, that's that I accept I'm going to have.

Speaker 1: 3:31

But being in chronic overwhelm where I would argue what has happened is I've allowed my nervous system because I didn't know any better to get into a high alert activated state over and over again until actually it just got stuck there. That's, that's how I look, as overwhelmed, so chronic overwhelm, where you can't see the wood for the trees. You're constantly struggling to find space for yourself. You have this unwellness, this achy body, this inability to switch off, this grumpy snappiness with your family, these sudden volcanic reactions, because you've managed to get through the day at work and be really professional and nobody would know how much you're struggling inside, because you're really good at your job and you're full of integrity and always there for your team. And then you get home and you're just just a grumpy, snappy version of yourself. That is surprising, actually always surprised me. It's like where did that come from? And it's it's that struggle to push through the overwhelm because it's such an ineffective way to work. It is really hard work by definition. When our nervous system is in high alert, we can't think straight because it's not helpful to be able to reason. You need an immediate, life-saving reaction. So pushing through chronic overwhelm is gonna cost. It's gonna cost a lot, and that now is what I look at.

Speaker 1: 4:59

What I did for years Not permanently in this. This is actually the trick with overwhelm, I think is that when you come out of it, when you get like a really good night's sleep or you feel like you've achieved a good project and your nervous system can reset momentarily, it feels like you're winning at life. It really does, because you feel so good with the relief after the crazy period and it just it feels like you can, you're invincible again, you can like you're really winning and it was worth it. But now I look back and think, well, actually there were easy ways of doing it. If I could have found a way to work without the overwhelm which for me would have been well knowing I mean, how would I know? Nobody teaches this stuff or these, they didn't then if I'd known it was overwhelm, I could have done something about it.

Speaker 1: 5:52

And I did look at stress management, but they didn't help. The yoga, the meditation, the mindfulness, it really didn't help because I wasn't changing my fundamental belief that I deserved better. I thought I had put up with it and therefore it was always after the fact. So it was to patch me up afterwards and then go back into the fray and behave in the same way, which was disrespectful to my nervous system, which was ultimately not looking after myself properly. But I didn't know all this then. So that's fine, you know, I forgive myself as fine. But now I know better.

Speaker 1: 6:26

Now I know that it's not worth the cost, that getting out of over one first. It's not just the cost, it's not just that if I chose to push through overwhelm, that could result in surfing the verge of burnout, being a snappy, grumpy person, being unwell, making mistakes, you know, just being feeling rubbish, losing my life outside of work. It's not just that, it's also the fact that being in chronic overwhelm and trying to do anything is really hard work and I just not prepared to do it anymore. I don't like it. It doesn't work for me. I can't think straight.

Speaker 1: 7:03

I find it really really hard to remember why I'm doing something and I don't mean that just like thing we do and really stress where we go upstairs with our cereal bowl. We can't remember what we're doing up there. I don't mean that and I argue that that is also overwhelm, overloading your mind. But I mean I can't remember my purpose. I become disconnected to my why. I become disconnected from my heart. So I'm not doing things intentionally, I'm getting things done.

Speaker 1: 7:37

And because getting things done is held with huge regard is what we all do, right, we just get things done because we're respected for that and because it does push things forward for us in some way and it can be satisfying to some extent. But now I know there's a better way. Now I know when I choose to notice the overwhelm and then choose to get out of it before attempting to do something. When I reconnect with my body, check it's okay, see what it needs first, you know, like a drink of water or just a moon, fidget and dance, or, you know, go and have a wee first, whatever it is quite simple things. And then when I connect to my heart, saying, oh, why am I doing this, why is this important to me, then things flow more easily and then I become better able to do things with higher quality, with more efficiency, and also to discern which things are more important to do.

Speaker 1: 8:42

Because that's the hardest thing, isn't it? When we're flailing an overwhelm, we end up just checking email, just doing this, we end up diving down into the lower level activities that don't really move the move the needle forward. Yeah, that's not really not a phrase of mine, but anyway, you know what I mean. There are the. There are the things we do that make a difference to projects and things that matter to us, that that help us expand into what we want next. And then there are the things that we do that are really low level tasks which may or may not need to be done, but when we are in overwhelm we don't really know. We're just like we.

Speaker 1: 9:28

I often find it's a cyclical thing, like, oh, I'm reading that email again, why am I reading that email? What am I doing? What's the don't come? And we're doing, oh, I just give up, it's too hard. And then when I'm in that kind of but I still feel like I ought to be working, and then I get stuck in the shoulds and then at wasting time doing low level things not particularly well, and they get done. And then I can say, well, I did all of that. But then it's frustrating because actually I've done a lot of use, a lot of energy and time, and I haven't done some of the other things that would have filled me up and made me feel good, like movement, good food, rest, connecting to other people, laughing, you know, enjoying my life. And I've missed that opportunity because I've done a load of junk work, because I couldn't remember what I was doing, as in what was the purpose, what was the intention, what am I trying to do? So it's not just the cost, as in pushing through overwhelm leads to overwhelm, headstools burnout. That used to be.

Speaker 1: 10:33

My main driving force was to stay away from that ill health and to find the easiest way to do things so I could avoid the negative effects, is much more now for me about well, this isn't working. I need to get out of overwhelm. I need to reconnect with my heart. I need to move my body first. I need to get really deeply connected to what I'm up to. I need to clear my mind so I can think straight and absolutely do that with intention, and then it just becomes more fun, is more efficient and more likely to get into state of flow, which is such a joyful place to be. So this is all.

Speaker 1: 11:18

I'm linking all this back to my pheasant story. So the pheasant that just honestly, it was like a little magician. He just came along and there's this fence, this hedge, and it was. This was a thicker hedge, actually, than the one. I have managed it with quite a bit of difficulty to take a picture of the pheasant, so I can put that out with this episode, but she was next to quite a thin hedge, which is even more embarrassing for her. So she was obviously severely panicked and her mind overwhelmed because if she just stopped, it was like super easy to find a way through. But this professional dude, he was like I could not see a way through that hedge and he was just he just went through, so he's done that before he knows the hidden door. It was like an Alice in Wonderland thing. I thought he's really cool and he just didn't panic because he knew where the exit was and so obviously his nervous system wasn't being triggered by the approach of humans, whereas the younger pheasants just hadn't learned that yet and they were frightened. I mean not terribly frightened, I mean it's not like we were screaming at them, we were literally just walking past and you know the way pheasants do that panicky thing they do.

Speaker 1: 12:31

So the first question is to myself I'm not particularly in the morning is am I operating from overwhelm or not overwhelm, which to me is ease, and by ease I mean very much rooted in my body, very much feeling at home and myself connected to my purpose, having intentionality about my day, openness to feeling more space and joy. That's what I mean by ease. That's what I mean by the opposite of overwhelm out of my head into my body, connected to my heart, able to lean back into the present moment and be grateful for everything I've already achieved and created and have, so that I can receive more, as opposed to overwhelm, where I get into quite a, a useful kick-ass mode, but a very do-do-do-do-do-do-do head-based one. And it's tricky because you know you need the head-based stuff right. We like using our minds to do stuff. I can't do anything without them. But mine definitely benefits from that groundedness, that rootedness in the present and the purpose of what I'm up to, and so does my body, because then it means it gets better food. Everything works better without stress, definitely.

Speaker 1: 14:00

So what can we do about this? Well, I have found that the easiest way to get out of overwhelm before doing something is literally to do the one-minute mark, of which there's a link to the free audio if you haven't got it already in the show notes below here, and that is just a one minute and it could be less than that. So for me I'm probably not spending one minute, so that would be a closing of my eyes, because it's easiest or not. If I'm gazing out at my garden, which is beautiful, and sometimes our, often usually our stand. Actually, I must say I do find that I like to stand in the morning, put my hands on my heart and just notice how I feel.

Speaker 1: 14:41

So pulling my attention back to me from everything I need to do today, everything that's weighing on me, and just feeling my feet on the ground, feeling connected to this present time and space, allowing my belly to soften, allowing my heart to ease, reminding myself that I'm safe, that I have so much ready. So really getting out of my head into my body and into my heart and being very rooted in the space I'm in my home, my garden, the life I love, the life I've worked really hard to create and then thinking about how I want to feel. So I can find it really helpful in the morning to set an intention of how I want to feel during the day, and usually that will be a feeling of ease for me because that encompasses so much. But also, if I'm doing something quite big, it would be well, how will I feel when that thing's done? And if I can really tap into how that feels before I do it, that the sense of achievement, accomplishment, new skills, stuff, overcome, then that can be really helpful in taking. Well, it relieves the pressure, but it also time jumps. So my mind's like well, it's possible, even if it's something difficult, it's possible, it's done. It's all done, it's all fine. It's almost like a celebration of something before you've tackled something tricky. I find that helpful.

Speaker 1: 16:23

But I also do this other thing in the morning where when I drink a glass of water, when I wake up, I think about the water being infused with the feeling I want and then, as I drink the water, I feel that ease or the joy or satisfaction, whatever it is, safety, whatever it is I want to feel going through my body. Sometimes that works. Other times I'm like I'm not really awake, I'm just going to drink the water and I'm just going to have an intention that it's ease, not doing it particularly well, I still find it helpful. I don't see the need to add pressure to myself by you're not doing this spiritual practice properly or this mindset practice, whatever you want to think of it as, but intention matters, right.

Speaker 1: 17:06

So all of these things are things that move me from the mind, distracting me with its pressure to get things done, its tendency to overload me and remind me of all my obligations, which I'm grateful for. You know, those obligations matter to me. The people that I have made commitments to matter to me. I wish to work well. I wish to work with integrity. I wish to have good relationships in both work and my home life. Relationships matter to me. Obligations matter to me. The opportunity to serve, the opportunity to connect and be there for friends and family these things are important.

Speaker 1: 17:51

So it's not that my mind is terrible, it's just that it easily panics like the pheasant and then it just gets into the crazy, running up and down the fence looking for an escape route so it can feel safe, and that doesn't work for me. So my commitment to myself is to always do whatever I can, gently, without pressure, inconsistently, consistently. I say it's like a consistent inconsistency. So I'm not doing the same thing every day, because I don't really like doing the same thing every day. I tend to rebel against that, but finding a way that I'm always coming back to myself. I'm always committing to getting out of overwhelm before doing something, and then, on the times when I forget, because maybe it's a week where accidentally, despite my best intentions, I've said yes to too much and I've overextended myself, and then maybe I haven't realized that actually I'm pushing through overwhelm, I'm not doing things in the most efficient, easy way for me Then pausing and noticing that too, I go ah, that's why it feels so hard. Let's get out of overwhelm.

Speaker 1: 19:03

And it always comes back to me, to this commitment to myself, to living in a more hidey way. What's the best way for me to move through my day? Let's try this. And there's a lot of curiosity and forgiveness in there, because it's messy, right? Anything you're gonna try and do differently from other people is gonna be messy. You're gonna mess up. It's not easy to dare to find the best way for you. That requires a lot of courage, a lot of self-reflection, a lot of accepting that the responsibility for our lives is ours alone. But it's worth it. It's really worth it. It's really worth committing to living without overwhelm. And I don't mean without overwhelm, as in you never get overwhelmed again. No, I mean to commit to behaving more like the professional, cool magician type pheasant, rather than the panicked.

Speaker 1: 20:04

I can't find my way out of this hedge and I'm just scared and flitting all over the place Like one costs a lot of energy and isn't particularly efficient and there's no way to live, and the others like really cool. You should have seen that pheasant. I so wish I could have recorded it in for you. But that's not how things work, right. I can't wander around. I also refuse to wander around looking through my camera lens on my phone when I'm on a road trip. I just really don't like that. So I rarely take photos because, yeah, I just don't like this whole documenting of everything rather than living. I find that really, really hard, even though I love to have beautiful pictures to share and to remind me of really beautiful times.

Speaker 1: 20:47

But anyway, I haven't got a video of the cool and thinking of him as a cool professor, magician type, I don't know why my mind's getting very excited. I'm seeing him now in some sort of magicians cape. He was just a pheasant but he was very cool. He just went up to that fence and it looked like a solid fence and he just disappeared through it like something out of Alice in Wonderland. It was very, very cool. I do, however, after quite a lot of trouble, have a photo of a pheasant who was the panicky pheasant in front of a hedge that actually has a lot of spaces in, but she just didn't know what she was doing because she was overwhelmed, panicked pheasant. Anyway, which pheasant are you feeling most likely most like today? I hope you have enjoyed my insights, my story sharing and my tips on what I do to get out of overwhelm and behave more like the cool pheasant. For more resources to help you gently rebel, please visit my website, wwwhydymarkcouk.