Overwhelm is Optional

Creating Space for Yourself During the Holiday Chaos

• Heidi Marke • Season 1 • Episode 216

Share episode

Send us a text

Try this one simple mindset shift to create more space for yourself.

Free workshop: https://www.heidimarke.co.uk/registration-page

🎙️ Welcome to Overwhelm is Optional

This podcast was created to help big-hearted, driven professionals break free from overwhelm and experience more clarity, ease, and joy.

But here’s the exciting news… I’ve moved beyond overwhelm.

If you’ve been listening and resonating with this message, you’ll love what comes next.

I’ve created a new podcast: Deep Heartfelt Success—because success should feel as good on the inside as it looks on the outside.

🎙 Join me there → Search "Deep Heartfelt Success" on your favourite podcast platform and subscribe.

💡 Experience Deep Heartfelt Success for Yourself
Book a complimentary Deep Heartfelt Success Session—a no-pressure, transformative conversation designed to help you step into your next level of success with ease.
📅 Book here

📚 The Gently Rebellious One-Minute Journal
A simple, powerful way to stay focused on what matters most.
👉 Buy here

🌍 Website:
Explore practical tools, resources, and ways to work with me.
👉 Visit here www.heidimarke.co.uk

🎧 Free Audio: The One Minute Marke
Start prac...

Speaker 1:

Hello, it's me with a quick commercial break. Oh, it's funny doing commercial breaks for your own podcast On Sunday, the 5th of January, purposely timed to be post the New Year crazy. I'm going to change my whole life and make it so much better. New Year's resolutions nonsense. I'm inviting you instead to hang out with me and the wonderful group of people who are gathering to start the new year in a more effective and intentional way by reviewing last year and then setting your heartfelt priorities for 2025. And then I'm going to give you ways to help you stay focused on what matters most to you, once you've identified that.

Speaker 1:

Holding space for you to do this is a pleasure and a privilege. It's something I do most turn of the year times. I didn't do one last year or the year before. This one is free. Sometimes this is paid. It's well worth paying for. Please, if this calls for you, come and join me. I'd so love to meet you. I'd so love to have you there. It would just be joyful and wonderful to meet you. So just pop over to my website, heidimarkcouk, and click on the banner at the top to reserve your spot, or, obviously, you can click on the link in the show notes below. See you there.

Speaker 1:

Welcome to the Gentle Rebellion where overwhelm is optional. Hello, hello, hello. Welcome to this week's episode of the overwhelm is optional podcast with me, heidi Mark. So space, and a bit of a premium this time of year. So I'm recording this just before Christmas, and I'm really, really aware that you might be feeling like oh, my goodness, where is the space for me? You're trying to wrap stuff up at work, you're trying to sort out all the family chess travel plans there's so much going on, and you're carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders, trying to make sure everybody's happy, and there isn't any space for you, and you're aware that if you don't get some space for yourself soon, you'll turn into, if you haven't already, the snappy, grumpy version of yourself, and the people who you love the most will get the worst of you, and you don't want that, and you don't want to be sick over Christmas. You want to enjoy the holiday you love making people happy. It's a perfect storm at this time of year, though, which means it's a really, really good time to look at what's going on for you.

Speaker 1:

So let's look at space, the feeling of space, having enough space for yourself. So if I don't get enough space for myself, I'm definitely more likely to be irritable. It's just the way way things are. It's taken me a long time to learn that. I've been aware for decades that I need time to myself, but there's a difference between time to time for yourself and the feeling of space, and that's what I want to get into. The reason why I think we find it so hard to find space for ourselves is it's not like creating time for yourself on your schedule. It's a deeper thing than that. So let's dive in. And then I've got one simple hack, one simple shift for you to create the space you need for yourself. So stay with me to the end of this. It's going to be worth it.

Speaker 1:

So I don't know about you, but if I don't have enough space for myself, I'm more irritable and then eventually more snappy, more grumpy and also, I've noticed, more judgmental, and I don't like that version of myself. So creating space for myself is a priority, and I used to try loads and loads of things. But the problem is, in order to create space for yourself, you need the space to work out how to create that space, so it doesn't work out very well. It's this vicious circle, isn't it of? If I had more space, I'd be able to create space for myself, and then I know that I would feel better, cope better with all my responsibilities, be able to think straight, focus on what matters most and be my lovely, warm, generous person. Person. Be my lovely, warm, generous self as well, because that's what goes, isn't it? And that's rubbish. That's not who you are. You don't want to be the grumpy, snappy person or the person who's less generous, because you've been pushed to the edge, your nerves are on edge.

Speaker 1:

So what happens is you push on through, getting irritable and then thinking but then I'll get space, then it's like this distant, when this happens, when this, then that, when this is finished, then I'll have some space myself, then I'll regroup, get myself together, everything will be fine, but it's. Is that true? Or is there a better way to live? So you think there's something wrong with you? Does that make sense? Thinking something's wrong with you, that you ought to be able to handle everything about your life and be nice? Are you beating yourself up? You're judging yourself. So I've got some notes here, so I'm going to have to look down. I'm used to recording this podcast just to audio. It's really difficult to do it to video and not check your notes. So I'm going to check my notes, because they're good notes and I've written them for you and I'm going to make sure you get the full value of my thoughts this morning.

Speaker 1:

So you feel that you should be better, that you should be able to cope better, because you're in a position to make things better. So you're good at seeing how other people need to take better care of themselves or could prioritize differently or be more productive. You're good at seeing it for other people and you kind of know what you should be doing. And then you're beating yourself up because you've got all these shoulds and oughts and that's adding to the crushing feeling like there's no space because your head is full. So I remember going through this a lot where I was thinking if only I could practice mindfulness, meditation, yoga, more journaling oh yeah, I'm breathing better, like all of the things.

Speaker 1:

And I did try all of these things out, but it didn't create space. It just actually did the opposite, because then it's like when am I off duty? When do I? When do I stop having to do to to try and be better, to strive, when does the striving stop, because it doesn't stop if you're, if you think something's wrong with you, then you're always striving to be better, to solve the problem of yourself. So what if that's not the problem? What if actually nothing's wrong? What if, instead, the feeling that there's not enough space for you is just useful information, which I believe it is, and this is how we can use it.

Speaker 1:

So the truth about space is it's not a thing, it's a feeling, and you know this, because those rare times when you manage to actually create space for yourself on your calendar, what happens? You have this allocated time period called space for you, and all of these other things come rushing in, all of the things you could be doing, ought to be doing, instead of what you're doing. Then you have this pressure, this push pull between the two things, and you also have guilt and shame. Which where's the space for you in that? Like, none of that is actual space, it's just time which you'll then, which you've struggled to create for yourself, and now you're struggling to take for yourself. So there's no space in that. That's not working. It's just not working for you. So there's got to be a different way. There's got to be a simple, easier way right. So what?

Speaker 1:

This hack came from a time when I was feeling very desperate, like it felt there was no space for me. I was carrying the weight of the responsibility for other people's happiness. I was feeling a lot of guilt and shame over how. I was very stressed over my career. I was just feeling really squished, really small, like there was no space in the world for me. And this person said to me there is all the space in the world for you. And although I couldn't see it so logically, it made no sense in my head, I felt those words resonate deeply there is all the space in the world for you. And that really hit home and it something started to shift. It wasn't immediate, but over time it shifted and those words come back to me regularly. It's a big shift. So this is my shift for you. This is how to use it for you.

Speaker 1:

Although you can't see it yet, assume that there is space for you. So what happens at the moment? At the moment, you're like I really need some space for me. I'm feeling really crushed. I can't think straight, I'm getting irritable, I've got too much on, I'm carrying too much. There's no space for me. So then your mind's just looking at all the ways that that's true. There is no space for you. Sorry, I'm just going to have to go and pause this and let one of my dogs out. Oh, the joys of recording. With three cavalier spaniels wandering around the house. I did give them a special bone, so they they're supposed to just take their time, and of course they eat it far too quickly and I wasn't ready. Anyway, I'm back, so assume that there is space for you.

Speaker 1:

So when you you do that, your mind changes from looking at all the ways. There isn't space, because at the moment you're assuming there isn't space. So your mind is finding evidence for that, because that's what it's going to do. Your belief is there is no space for you. Your belief is if there was more space for me, everything would be better, which is true. But there isn't any space for you and you can't work out how to take the space. So you're beating yourself up, thinking there's something wrong with you, that you should be more emotionally resilient, that you should be better at coping without space, that you should be able to make space for yourself, that you should be able to look after yourself properly, like. All of those things are judgments, which you're adding to your feeling that there's no space for you because you're not good enough to have space. Why should you get space? You haven't finished everything yet. Not everybody you're responsible for is perfectly happy. Why should you take space? There's a lack of backing yourself.

Speaker 1:

So what happens is when you change your assumption. It's just an invitation. Try this on for size. Happens is when you change your assumption or you just try this. It's just an invitation, try this on for size. Assume instead that there is space for you, but you just can't see it or feel it yet. There is space for you, you just can't see it or feel it yet. And the reason that this works is by making the assumption that there's space for you, but you just can't see it or feel it yet. Your subconscious mind will start looking for it, because you know what happens when you give your subconscious mind something to look for it, it will find it. Think yellow cars. Now you're going to be going, heidi. I saw yellow cars all week because you said that Good.

Speaker 1:

So assume there's space for you and it will start popping up in the most extraordinary ways, because space isn't a thing, it's a feeling. It's a feeling that resonates through your body and your heart and clears your mind. Space for you is a feeling, a feeling that you don't have to overwork and strive in order to have space, that there just is space. It's just how things are. Of course, there's space for you, of course, and you don't need to earn it. It just is, by definition. You're here, there's space for you. That's it. There is space for you, assuming that your subconscious will start looking for it. Secondly, you're choosing yourself.

Speaker 1:

So, assuming there's space for you, assuming there's space for you, not assuming there's space for everyone or anyone this isn't about anyone else, this is about you. Assuming there is space for you means you're choosing yourself, and that matters, because, as soon as you acknowledge your importance, part of feeling like the space for you is the acknowledgement that you need space. Of course you need space. You need to take up space for yourself, because if you don't, you feel squished and then you don't, nothing works as well, your mind can't think as sharply, your body's more tired and you're more grumpy and irritable, and there's less space in your life for joy. So, of course, you have to take up your space and there is space for you because it's your space. There's space for everyone. It's your space, there's space for everyone. But I don't care about everyone else at the moment, I'm thinking about you. There is space for you assume there is, and as you choose to make this assumption, even if you can't feel it or see it, things start to shift because you're backing yourself, you're assuming that you matter and you so matter. So, thirdly and lastly, if this method, this hack, doesn't require you to do anything and right now you can't do any more, you're overloaded, right. So, and also it's a difficult problem to solve, particularly at this time of year, because where is there space for you?

Speaker 1:

In a busy week of family and friends and socialising and work and everything Like Christmas is crazy for lack of space. We cram whole groups of families into one home and expect everybody to be okay and of course, there's like some mental fisticuffs going on, because it's hard right, it's not normal. And also there's high expectations because it's Christmas and we so want to have a lovely Christmas and we so want everybody we love to get on and be happy. We spend a lot of time thinking about how to make people feel happy, and by happy we mean loved and acknowledged. Loved and acknowledged and valued.

Speaker 1:

But when you do that for yourself, by acknowledging that you deserve space as well, that taking up your space matters because it makes you more able to be your lovely, warm, generous self, everything shifts. There is space for you, even if you can't see it, even if it seems impossible, especially when you can't feel it. There is space for you. Shift your mindset from.

Speaker 1:

There is no space for me.

Speaker 1:

I can't see it anymore. I'm never going to get any space for myself. Look at my calendar. Oh my goodness, I've got so much on my plate. There is no space for me. I'm going to go mad if I don't get some space.

Speaker 1:

Oh my goodness, what's wrong with me? Why am I so grumpy and snappy? Because you need space, because you're feeling squished. It's just a symptom, it's not a weakness. There's nothing wrong with you if you're snappy and grumpy and can't see any space for yourself. It's just a shift out of.

Speaker 1:

That's how things are. That's the old way. Gently rebel against that nonsense. Here, over here, in the gentle rebellion, what we're looking at is saying no, I refuse to feel squished, I'm going to take up my space, and we do it without anybody else realising, because we don't have to take a stand, gentle rebellion. You don't have to take a stand. You don't have to declare that every Saturday morning is your time for you, like you. Just it's too hard. Right, you can do that if you want, but it's hard. Make it easier. Make it an internal shift, because internal, deep shifts are what you really want, because that's transformative. The rest is practical moving stuff around trying to find out what works for you, but shifting a deep, profound level. That, as a transformative life coach, that works. That's what I'm all about.

Speaker 1:

So I'm going to invite you, this especially busy season, to try on a change of mindset from there is no space for me to there is space for me, even though you can't see it, and especially when you can't feel it. Wishing you the most wonderful and spacious Christmas and holiday time. See you next time. Christmas and holiday time. See you next time, or hear you next time. No, if you're listening on the podcast, won't see you next time. What am I going to say? Thank you for listening. It's lovely to have you here, as usual, and I will be back with you after Christmas. I'm taking a break, so I'll see you in 2025, 2025. For more resources to help you, gently rebel, please visit my website, wwwheidimarkcouk.

Podcasts we love

Check out these other fine podcasts recommended by us, not an algorithm.