Overwhelm is Optional

Transforming Chaos to Clarity: Prioritizing What Truly Matters in 2025

• Heidi Marke • Season 1 • Episode 218

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How to turn overwhelm into joy in 2025.

Want the fastest most effective way to turn your overwhelm into the joy, satisfaction and ease you're working so hard for? Book a Curiosity Call and discover what it's like to be coached by me. I look forward to meeting you.

🎙️ Welcome to Overwhelm is Optional

This podcast was created to help big-hearted, driven professionals break free from overwhelm and experience more clarity, ease, and joy.

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Speaker 1:

Welcome to the Gentle Rebellion where overwhelm is optional. Hello, hello, hello. Welcome to the Overwhelm is Optional podcast, the first one of 2025. Woohoo, are you excited? I'm excited, I'm really excited about this year. I feel like 56. I'm starting to get the hang of things in my head, my life, what I'm up to. So this is what I'm up to this year and if you'd like to join me, stick around, because it's going to be really good.

Speaker 1:

So I want way more now than making overwhelm optional, although Although in many ways, I want exactly the same thing, because the ability to make overwhelm optional means I can choose whether to push through overwhelm into exhaustion, to break the Eisenhower matrix Is that what it's called? You know? The one with the grid where it's urgent, non-urgent, important, not important, and when you break it, it feels like everything is urgent and important. Do you know what I mean? That inability to see the wood for the trees, that real crisis pressure, overwhelm, where everything feels equally urgent and important. I want more than the ability to choose between living in that way, which I can do I'm tough, you're tough, we can do it, it costs us, we don't want it anymore and the ability to choose to step out of overwhelm to notice the overwhelm, primarily choose to reset and go about things in a calmer, more focused way. I want more than that, because what I now want is to be even more skilled at that. I want to stay focused on what matters most to me, what I've noticed over the last few years.

Speaker 1:

So going from completely overwhelmed in and out of overwhelm, living a great life while doing that, but secretly surfing the verge of breakdown and burnout, eventually quitting my job, recovering, which is a very different place to be in, because all I wanted then was to feel well, to get my life back, to get my confidence back, my financial stability back, my feelings of me back. And then I just wanted more and more. But then there's that fear that, oh, if I go for more, the overwhelm will come back. So then I tried to keep things smaller so that wouldn't happen. And then now I'm just like, no, I'm done with this, I want more. Actually, I was done with it a couple of years ago.

Speaker 1:

Last year I really focused on allowing for that expansion, saying yes to what I really really wanted, and it worked. I had a really good year at staying focused actually on what I wanted, but I wanted to make it better. Because what I realized happens is I have this circle of I know what I want, I know who I am, I know what I'm up to, I know what excites me and delights me, I know exactly what action I want to take, and then all this stuff floods in and I lose that connection to it. I lose that energy and excitement and motivation and clarity, and I'm back in the can't see the wood for the trees and I'm really with that. So I thought, well, how, how can I stabilize my mind better to stay focused on what matters most to me? Because it's all very well identifying what matters most to you, which is a great thing to do, but takes a lot of courage. The reason I think it takes so much courage is because I, the more I think about it, the more I believe my biggest fear is actually not disappointing others, which is related to feelings of safety. It's actually disappointing myself. So if I say, oh, I really want this, this, this and to do this and this and this makes me feel alive, I want this much joy when I say yes to myself if I then don't manage to do all those things, or do all those things or experience all those things or achieve those things. It feels like it would be unbearable to say yes to something and then for it not to come true or the pressure to be so intense that the movement towards the thing that I want would just be unacceptable back in the completely overwhelmed and not feeling like myself and feeling exhausted again. So I really wanted a way to stay focused on what matters most to me. That makes the journey itself enjoyable. That just makes the whole thing, yeah, really up-leveled. So this is a major up-level for me this year and also for you.

Speaker 1:

If you're going to stick around, listen to the podcast, please subscribe, please leave a review, make my day, thank you. So here's how it goes, and I've put all of this into a journal to support you. If you'd like it, it's now available on Amazon. I intend to do the whole x-ray thing where you can look inside and you can really see if it's for you, because I want you to know what you're buying. But it's a high quality thing. As in, this is what I'm going to be using. This is what my clients are going to be using to help them stay focused on what matters most, and this is a good structure.

Speaker 1:

It took me six versions to write this, plus the draft version I've been using for a year. It took a long time for me to get it so it felt good. So it felt both deep and like treasure, but also light and easy to use. It needs to be so valuable but at the same time so easy, so that your mind can just glance at the journal and immediately feel supported. Mind can just glance at the journal and immediately feel supported. So this is how it works. So the journal is a structure of this. It's a place to write this down.

Speaker 1:

The workshop, the free workshop I did on Sunday, went into this method in more depth. There's a shorter version in the journal for you. So here's my new way of moving through the year without overwhelm, with more joy. So this is moving from overwhelm to ease, to turning your overwhelm into joy. Now, on the way to joy, there's ease, there's calm, there's a whole load of stuff. But we're just going full on, we're just stating what we want, because actually the reason you want ease is so that you feel better and then, once you feel better, then you can allow the joy to come in.

Speaker 1:

So if we just go straight for it, let's cut the crap here. We want more joy. We want a really full life. We don't want to just get our lives back, we want it all. We want to be able to say yes to what we really, really want. So here's my method are you ready in order to have the most gently rebellious 2025 and by that I mean what a summary of what I've just said gently but firmly rebelling against what has become the norm for you, if this resonates, or your version of this, ploughing through overwhelm to hold your life together, and that's just. That's just the price you pay. We're gently rebelling against that and instead saying I'm going to focus on what I really want. I'm going to say yes to myself and then I'm going to support my mind in staying focused on it. And this is how we do it.

Speaker 1:

There are two steps. One, identify what matters most to you Not all the things you need to do or all the things you want off your plate, so that you feel some ease. Way more than that, and this involves connecting deeply with the heart and the body, allowing the heart and the body, allowing the heart and the body to weigh in on the conversation, so that the list isn't coming from the mind. This is not a to-do list, this is a not when this then that If only this was done, I'd feel better. This is way more than this, and I invite you to use my messy journaling technique to bypass the mind with its amygdala filter where it's weighing in on how sensible that is, or you ought to do this, because otherwise something terrible will happen You'll let somebody down. So, to bypass the mind and its fear, I invite you to go deep within you and genuinely ask yourself what you want. This is what we did at the workshop on Sunday, which was really powerful, and there's also a shorter version of this written down for you in the journal, which is called the Gently Rebellious One Minute Journal.

Speaker 1:

So you start by identifying what matters most to you. Step two stay focused on what matters most to you. Easy huh, now it seems obvious, isn't it? Know what you want and go for it. But the truth is, as I've already described my own experience, what tends to happen is we get excited and say, yes, that's what I want. I want to feel like that, and then we get distracted because that's just the nature of the mind. That's just the nature of the mind, that's just the nature of being the kind of person who wants a lot, doesn't want to let anyone else down, wants to do things really well, but wants more joy. That's that's just the way things are and that's okay. But if we want that more joy, then we need to get more skilled, and the skill comes in supporting the mind to stay focused on what matters most to you. So identify what matters most to you by connecting to your heart and body and then stay focused on what matters most to you how. That's what we're going to go into today. So this is my structure. So you identify what matters most to you and I split this into 10 sections. I won't go into all the sections now because then it just becomes an overwhelming list for you, but I invite you to see what comes up. So when I first did this, I found that asking what I really wanted and going into and what else and what else and what else, anything else until I felt done was not enough. It then appeared into sections, into categories. So these are the categories you might want to consider Health how do you want to feel in your body this year?

Speaker 1:

Not, do you want to do not? What are the pressures? The New Year's resolutions, not what are the pressures you want to put on yourself, the restrictions, in order to look and feel a certain way, but how do you want to feel? How energised? Exactly how do you want to feel in your body and how do you want to feel how energized? Exactly how do you want to feel in your body and how do you want your mind to feel? And then relationships how do you want to feel in relationship to the people that you choose to spend time with? So this is obviously at home, wider circle work, etc. How do you want to feel about money? How do you want to feel about your work? How supported do you want to feel?

Speaker 1:

So one of the things I wanted last year is I wanted to feel supported by trusted tradesmen, because when you're doing a house up, it's this constant thing of can we get somebody who's really good? Because sometimes people come in and they're not great or they don't turn up or they damage things, unfortunately, and I just don't know what I really want. It's trusted tradesmen. I want to know that when something goes wrong or I need something doing, I have the best person. And so I made that a priority and it really helped because my expectations changed from oh, if only we could just get somebody to fix that to I want the absolute nicest, most conscientious, most skilled, I don't know funniest, generous person, and it just shifts things into it becoming a joyful search. And then, once I'd found a really good person in each area that I want, I'm just keeping that. That becomes my trusted tradesman's list. So support what kind of? How supported do you want to feel? What would it feel like to have the support you want? What's missing in terms of supporting you to have the life you you long to have? What were the other ones?

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I have a big thing about adventures. So when I think of adventures, I mean big adventures, like, for me, walking the camino last year and going on on the Pacific Northwest road trip, but also adventures I want at home, so it might just be going on a different walk or I don't know really small things, going to a new coffee shop, meeting a friend. Sometimes it's quite difficult to fit in all the mini adventures because we end up saying yes to things that we don't really want to do yes, I ought to see that person or I ought to go and do that thing, and what we really want to do is these newer, lighter things. There might be a friend who we haven't caught up with, who we long to catch up with, but we're not prioritizing it because we're weighed down, because we've said yes to other things and this year we want to switch that from feeling like I ought to to saying yes, actually that would be really good. That spending time with that person or doing that thing energizes me, it fills me with joy. I'm saying yes to that and just identifying that.

Speaker 1:

So when that becomes a priority, it shifts the decisions you make. You're able to look at your calendar and say is it full of things that energize me or is it draining me? And you can feel that in your body. If you're looking at your calendar, it's like where's the space for me? Where are the things I really want to do? And then if there's resentment and this feeling of squishness, then you know that you're off course. So for me, just having a statement about I have regular mini adventures, and I might change it to statement about I have regular mini adventures and I might change it to I have regular mini adventures that fill me with joy or that energize me, or something like that, if that is stated as a heartfelt priority deep within my heart from the beginning of the year. It changes how my mind, my conscious mind because that's deep subconscious feeling it changes how my mind prioritizes my calendar. It just becomes a normal thing.

Speaker 1:

Then there's the big adventures. If you have a dream, like at the moment, we have this dreamy wish thing about going to Japan, but it's not going to happen this year. It's not going to happen this year because I went to America last year and, quite frankly, it doesn't feel good to prioritize it this year. It's just not what I want. I don't want to be away from home for that long. I don't want another huge trip.

Speaker 1:

I'm still absorbing the Pacific Northwest. I still want to stare at the photos and remember things. I still want to write about it. I still want to share videos about it. I would like to finish my book about it, but that got supplanted by the Gently, rebellious One Minute Journal, not surprisingly, because timing matters.

Speaker 1:

So I don't want another big adventure, because then I feel like it's too too many big adventures at once is overwhelming in a kind of awe and wonder way, like there's not that there's. Is there only so much awe and wonder I can process at once. Yes, probably I'm easily overwhelmed by all and wonder, and the pacific northwest was just like whoa so much and it was so good. But I want to feel that in my body, I want to ground that in me. So it's just, it's not done and forgotten. It's not a tick box. Oh yeah, we've done that. Now we'll move on to the next thing. I want it to be absorbed, I want to remember, I want to re-enjoy it, re-remember it in every cell in my body.

Speaker 1:

I don't want another big trip yet. And that's nice. Hey, can you feel the level of satisfaction? That's joy, that's satedness, that's yes, I'm actually living the way I want to live. That's what I want more of. So actually sometimes saying yes to good stuff isn't what I want either. So I'm still prioritising big adventures, but I'm just aware of the fact that I don't want a huge adventure like that this year. But that doesn't mean it's not there in the background. I've already bought a book on Japan and given it to my partner, so it will just bubble underneath and that's really cool. There's other big adventures, though, that I do want. So I want another walking adventure like the Camino. I'm not sure what that looks like. Yet that's exciting, but that's a priority that feels good.

Speaker 1:

And then the final two categories I invite you to consider. That your heart wants is a wildcard, one anything else. So when you're doing this work of messy journaling this, out what comes up, because if there's another category, create it. Obviously it's your life, your heartfelt priorities. And then the other one was stuff. So it's interesting nowadays Nowadays we're in a time of plentiful stuff we start to resent stuff.

Speaker 1:

So I've had some interesting conversations about Amazon recently. So we all love to hate Amazon, but we all love Amazon as well. Now I live in the middle of the countryside and, quite frankly, if I stop with the whole oh, isn't it terrible? And just go with the, it's an absolute miracle, it's really helpful. Now, does that mean there's not issues with Amazon and businesses? Yes, there is, but I'm not sure that me not buying things through Amazon has any impact at all on changing that. And, as somebody who is really grateful that Amazon allows me to access their book market, it's a little bit weird to just say Amazon's evil.

Speaker 1:

I've noticed this thing where, when businesses become successful, we all love to hate them, as if the smaller is always better. It's not always better. Sometimes, I mean, you only get to become successful if you're doing something right Now. Yes, there's moral issues and other things, but anyway, back to your heartfelt feelings about stuff. So the truth is you're always going to need more stuff because stuff breaks and you change and you need different things to support you. You also want to be enjoying your life, like if we all do this puritanical thing of we shouldn't have any more stuff. It's really sad.

Speaker 1:

I'm reading and I wish I wasn't, because it's keeping me up at night. I'm reading Kidnapped, robert Louis Stevenson's Kidnapped, and I think it's set in like 1700s. It's pretty rough time, right. There's no Amazon, there's no safety. It's really bad. My house was built then. It's not that long ago.

Speaker 1:

When I grew up, we didn't have loads of stuff. We had stuff, but we didn't have. It's not like now, like the level of prosperity for the whole planet. This is really important. We didn't realize this. I'm still stuck in what they taught us at school, but the truth is the whole planet has become more prosperous. More people than ever have stuff, have access to stuff. Now you can say, well, that's terrible environmentally. Yes, maybe that's terrible environmentally. Yes, maybe.

Speaker 1:

So if that is a worry for you, then how do you want to feel about the stuff that comes through your life? Because you can't stop it. You can go into minimalism and you can beat yourself up about consuming anything, about existing on the planet, feeling guilty, but I don't think that's. I don't think it's helpful, because it's more complicated than that. When you buy something, money flows to somebody else who created that thing. So for me, examining how I want to feel about the stuff that flows in and out of my life, that I'm finding that really helpful. I'm finding it more helpful than going I should buy less stuff. I should use Amazon less. How about?

Speaker 1:

I choose to enjoy what I have and the stuff that I invite into my life is of the highest quality from the, sourced from the best place possible. That's different, isn't it? That's a different feeling that allows for gratitude for being alive at this point in history, that allows me to support other businesses and that allows me to have the best possible life. There is no point me being puritanical and guilt-ridden. It doesn't help anybody at all. So there's all 10 categories I invite you to get out of your head into your body.

Speaker 1:

Ask yourself how you want to feel in all those areas of your life. Be curious about what comes out onto the page and then, when you've got your mess of, oh, this is what I really want, ask again and is there anything else? And notice the feelings of these things being true in the body. What would it be like if you could stay focused on creating these, allowing these experiencing this? Creating these, allowing these experiencing this? Now, it's quite messy at the moment, but you may have started to notice a theme, a feeling. It might be calm, it might be joy, it could be anything. Then what I invite you to do is take your mess and turn it into your heartfelt wish list of 2025. Here's how you take each category and the mess and the feeling of it being done and you turn it into a present tense sentence I am, I have, I feel so.

Speaker 1:

One of mine last year was I have regular big adventures and then underneath, I jotted down the Camino and America and that was it. That's a shortcut way for my easily overwhelmed mind to remember what matters most to me, and then that gets prioritised how. That's what's next. Next, what I invite you to do is find your word of the year. There's a rant coming. I've seen word of the year on the internet and here's how I feel about it and it may not be the least bit true, but my reaction was have your word of the year. It felt really aggressive.

Speaker 1:

Now word of the year came to me at some point in a gently rebellious way. Meaning this A gently rebellious word of the year is so personal that you wouldn't tell anyone. We do share it in the community because it is a very well held, loving, sacred space, but I would only share mine with my community or my coach, because what I don't want is somebody saying to me you said your word of the year is this Particularly, I don't want my own mind saying that. So the purpose of the word of the year is this it is to lift you up. It is not something to live up to like a big pressure and it is a summary of the feeling of it all done. So if you had any or all actually any is probably the easiest way in if any of the things on your heartfelt wish list came true, how would that feel in your body when you find the essence of that? That's your word of the year?

Speaker 1:

The purpose of the gently rebellious word of the year is to remember, as in connect the conscious mind. As in connect the conscious mind, remember member in the body is to invoke in the body and every cell in the body the feeling of your wishes being being true. So it's a shortcut from your heartfelt wish list to alert it to remembering in your mind, and we're going to use this throughout the year where I invite you to. Obviously, you can do what you want. This is what I'm up to.

Speaker 1:

I have a new practice called the One Minute Morning, and that's why the Gently, rebellious One Minute Journal is truly a one minute journal. So it's not one minute to start with, it's front loaded. You need to do the work. You need to uncover, as courageously and lovingly and rebelliously and playfully as you can, your heartfelt wish list. Turn your heartfelt wish list into I am, I have, I feel, present tense statements as if it's done. The essence of any of that, or all of it being done, is your word of the year, and then you connect with that every morning for one minute and then you let it go and you get on with your day. This is how you stay focused on what matters most to you. Identify what matters most to you, turn it into a present, tense heartfelt wish list for the year. Feel the essence of it every morning for one minute before you've properly woken up, before your mind's flagged up all the fake emergencies and tipped you slightly into overwhelm. Feel it in your body, move through your day with that in your body and then because the mind needs more help than that once a month, decide your heartfelt priorities based on your heartfelt wish list.

Speaker 1:

So my January is slower. Normally I would do this at the beginning of the month, but because it's January and this is the time for me for going deep into the heartfelt wish list, I'm behind. I'm fine with that. I expect that I give myself that time. The heartfelt wish list needs time to settle, to form, to be embodied, to feel it.

Speaker 1:

But I noticed that yesterday I lost my way a bit, as in I couldn't quite stay focused on what mattered most to me. I felt a little bit, yeah, overwhelmed by all the things. Like, yeah, I did. I felt overwhelmed by all the things I could be doing. So right now I really, really, really want to sort out my Kindle book publishing Amazon author stuff. So it looks good, so it looks better, so you can click on a picture and it shows you inside and it makes it easy for you to know whether the Gently, rebellious One Minute Journal is for you.

Speaker 1:

But that takes work and that takes learning. I don't emails out to the people who attended the workshop, to the people who didn't attend the workshop, to make sure they feel supported too. What's more important? Then there's the whole I've got learning I want to do because I get excited and I want to be a better coach. I want to be. I want to be able to edit video better. There's so much to do that I could do and it's all exciting.

Speaker 1:

And yesterday I got back into that breaking of the Eisenhower matrix and I was like it all feels urgent and important, what's off here? So I just walked away, I took a break and then and then had a headache. I was like what's wrong with me. Then I started beating myself up. Then eventually I recovered, stopped beating myself up, allowed myself to do easy tasks, to get back in the game. So I felt some satisfaction, did some really good stuff that I loved, felt better and went. Oh so there's my normal circle. That happens a lot. That's not supposed to be happening this year.

Speaker 1:

What haven't I done? Now one of the things is my author copy of the journal hasn't arrived yet. It took Amazon over Christmas much longer than I expected to actually publish the journal, and so I haven't got my copy yet. And I realised I'm waiting for my journal to arrive so I can put my heartfelt wish list in and then start using it. Why am I waiting? I invented it, I wrote it. It's on my laptop. This is a nonsense. So this morning what I did was wrote out my heartfelt priorities for January. Now I'm fine, now I feel better. Now it all makes sense. Oh, thank goodness it worked.

Speaker 1:

So, checking in with my monthly heartfelt priorities or rather, not checking in with them, but checking in with the at the beginning of every month, I will be checking in with my heartfelt wishlist and creating my heartfelt priorities. And no, I will not have 10 heartfelt priorities. I've tried, it's overwhelming, it doesn. Heartfelt priorities, and no, I will not have 10 heartfelt priorities. I've tried, it's overwhelming, it doesn't work. And not everything needs focusing on every month. Some of these things are timely. Most of them are timely right, so I usually pick three to four. So I've got three big ones and one tiny one, which is actually nearly done, but it feels important to me that it's on the priority wish list. So my heartfelt priorities for January are set later than they will be for February, because January is a slow start. It's a rich, deep, powerful start.

Speaker 1:

And then, every day, I will connect with my word of the year as an essence in my body, which for me, as I've practiced it recently, I've realized needs to be even easier. So this is how I made it even easier this morning, because I'd had a funny day yesterday, or a funky normal day where I'm chasing my mind, trying to work out how to support it, coming up with solutions and then sharing them. That sounds like a crazy life, but this is the life I choose and I love it. So I thought oh, heidi, you don't need to make it so hard, you don't need to fill the essence of the entire list, which I knew because I did this last year. It's just weird, isn't it, how easy it is to get distracted. So what I did instead is just imagine that one of them, one of the things on your, or even an tiny aspect of one of the things, and that was enough. I was right back in the oh. That feels really good. Now I know what I'm up to this year and I was back to smiling about my word of the year. So make it easy, make it playful, rebel against the nonsense that it has to be hard or complicated, or you can't do it or it doesn't work. It does if you make it work for you. If it's not for you, I'm sure you can find something that is for you.

Speaker 1:

Then every week you do a, I do a Sunday morning. Sunday morning is a great time for me to check in with my heartfelt weekly priorities. So I will take the monthly priorities and divide them into weekly priorities, which are more action steps. But it's really important to me to not get into a to-do list because if it's just a list of things to be done, it can lose contact. What we're trying to do here is keep the mind and the heart and the body all connected, and the conscious mind is very good, as we know, overriding the heart and body, which is what gets us stuck in the overwhelm, exhaustion, resentment, grumpiness pattern. So the heartfelt weekly priority list is more minute and more. So you're going into the more specific things of the heartfelt monthly priority list. Like you might just take one of the monthly priorities and spend a whole week on it, and does that mean you don't have a to-do list? Of course you still have your to-do list. Of course there's other things. This is about prioritization. This is.

Speaker 1:

This is about finding a way to stop breaking the eisenhower matrix and making every god I hope it's called the eisenhower matrix, so I'm just been talking rubbish for a week. Anyway, in my head it's the eisenhower matrix urgent, not urgent, important, not important, with a big red cross through it and an explosion in it. That's how I'm seeing it. I don't want that to keep happening because it's boring and frustrating. A version of it happened yesterday and I was miserable because I just spent Sunday teaching a workshop, so that wouldn't happen, and then I'd lost my own way. Well, that's because I'm not perfect. That's why I'm coming up with this stuff. To help all of us. Let's recap and then please go and buy the Gently, rebellious one minute journal. So you've got the structure and then this is what we're going to be delving into in the coming weeks Create your heartfelt wish list by connecting to your body and your heart and allowing words to come across to the page and then turning it into, I am statements of the things already being done and here and felt, so that you're connecting the deep wisdom and longings and what you really want, what really matters most to you, from the heart and the body, with the conscious mind.

Speaker 1:

Once you've got your heartfelt wish list for 2025, summarise it in a heartfelt, body, felt word of the year, which is the essence of it, the essence of it happening, being true for you, that you can connect with for one minute every morning, before your mind has wrecked your day, getting busy If you forget in the morning. I'm prioritizing, not forgetting in the morning, because this is the structure and I know it works, or I'm hoping it will work for you too, but this is a practice we're going to forget or it might not feel so easy one day. So another thing to do would be when you notice the feelings of it being done coming up to you. So if you had this spontaneous joy, you go yes, that's it back in the game. That's my word of the year. So it's also a discovery.

Speaker 1:

It's not like it's a once and done and, as things happen during the year, notice the feeling more and more. So what you're doing is you're drawing your attention to the feelings of it being done more and more because we get what we focus on. So you're increasing the feeling of joy or calm in your body and then every month, do a heartfelt priorities check-in, decide what you're prioritizing this month and every week, break it down even smaller into weekly heartfelt priorities. That's it. I hope you found that helpful, intriguing, uplifting anything. If you want to let me know, you can contact me by going to my website or contact me in all the normal places social media or you can email me, heidi, at HeidiMarkcouk. I'd love to hear from you Wishing you the most gently, rebellious 2025, where you get to stay focused on what matters most to you.

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