Overwhelm is Optional

From Overwhelm to Joy: Transforming Fear with Rumi’s Wisdom

• Heidi Marke • Season 1 • Episode 225

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What if overwhelm wasn’t something to escape—but a guide leading you to ease and clarity?

In this episode, we explore Rumi’s Guest House and the power of welcoming every emotion as a valuable guest. Through personal stories—including insights from a family history treasure hunt—you’ll discover how to transform overwhelming feelings into constructive insights that move you forward.



Want the fastest most effective way to turn your overwhelm into the joy, satisfaction and ease you're working so hard for? Book a Curiosity Call and discover what it's like to be coached by me. I look forward to meeting you.

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Speaker 1:

Welcome to Overwhelm is Optional. The podcast for big hearted, highly driven professionals who are ready to turn overwhelm into clarity, ease and joy. I'm Heidi Mark, the Gentle Rebel Coach, and in each episode I share insights, stories and practical tools to help you gently rebel against the pressure to push on through, because you matter. How you are in the world matters. Hello, hello, hello. Welcome to this week's episode. How are you doing? This week I've been on a family history treasure hunt. Just got back Lots of insights to come, still processing.

Speaker 1:

So it's not what this episode is about, but I thought I'd just tell you because it's fun. So who knew? Well, I kind of did know, but who knew that in those days and so I'm talking between 1700 and 1900, people just called themselves after their parents and then they married people with the same name as their parents and it's really, really confusing if you want to map out a family tree. My goodness, crazy. Which kind of got me. One insight I do have from that. Actually, it kind of got me thinking about the fact that in those days in rural England so my family's from a tiny, tiny village in Somerset in the southwest of England, very beautiful farmers, lots to share from that as the insights come. I'm not just going to ramble about it because, well, I guess it could be interesting in a kind of sitting down to have a cup of coffee with Heidi after she's been on a strip way. But I want to give you a bigger gift than that this week. So a couple of insights from doing that. One is how small people in rural England's life was. Eventually, several of them went off to Australia. We're still trying to work out why so many of them went at a time when people weren't going to Australia. And that's what's frustrating, right? You don't get the stories, so you're just looking at data which has been copied in or not correctly or not, into a database from gravestones and old documents, and all the dates are wrong and all the names are the same. So it's just a big mess. But it made me really think why were all the names the same? Well, if you never go anywhere, then why would you know of any other names? Which made me think about our levels of consciousness. So you don't know what you don't know, you can't see what you can't see. So until you step outside of that, you don't have any other information. There isn't anything, right? So unless you make a name up which people didn't in those days. I think nowadays people are really happy making names up.

Speaker 1:

In those days they were all actual Christian names. They were actually from the Bible. So in my family that was many Johns, many Elizabeths, many Marys, many Roberts and a fair few Theophiluses, which is quite fun, interesting characters to try and track just because it's a different name, right. But yeah, that was it really. That was pretty much it. I think there was one Emma. What's that about? I mean, it's infuriating. It's infuriating when you're trying to trace people and work out who exactly was the parents of someone, but it's also fascinating, right. Why would they call them anything else if they didn't know any other names? They wouldn't, and they also. It was very important to have a Christian name, somebody from the Bible. So yeah, that's one thing I thought about.

Speaker 1:

Another thing was I actually found over the two days, very intense two days of hunting for family. By the end of it we were kind of cheering them on, you know, like, yeah, you made it. Look at this house. You ended up in Beautiful house. Well done.

Speaker 1:

So at one point we owned a pub and we went into this pub and my cousin I went with said wouldn't it be amazing if we could see the deeds when they sold the pub? And he went off looking around trying to find photographs or anything on the walls of the pub and I popped in a different room and there were the deeds, the sales, the sales document, a couple of them, and that was really special. And then we met the owner and he was really pleased to see it and that was so, so lovely. So we owned a pub, we owned farms, but it wasn't because we had, we came from that. We worked. It looks like the mark family worked really, really hard to get to that point, which is just, I was just like gunning from by the end go. Yes, look, you moved from here to here and you worked really hard and you did this. And it's so funny because I'm never going to meet these people and does it matter, does it? I mean, in my point of view, my past is nothing to do with my present, except what I choose to bring forward to enhance now.

Speaker 1:

So I wasn't looking for answers, I was curious. I was mainly going for my cousin. It was important to him for different reasons, but it was fascinating and there was something really lovely about walking the land that they farmed for hundreds of years and seeing their names on gravestones. I did feel a gratitude, a pride, a yay you for working so hard. And then, if some of them lived to be really old, I felt inspired by that. And then, of course, all the babies that died very, very young, because it wasn't that long ago in England that at least half of your children would die before the age of four. It's not that long ago. We haven't been that prosperous for that long, and that, of course, is to do with the industrial revolution and getting more prosperous. More prosperity, cleaner housing, better nutrition, money, money makes a difference. Right, we need to be prosperous in order to thrive. So, yeah, lots going on in my head at the moment, but my overall feeling is one of feeling really settled, which is an interesting feeling. So I don't know what that's about. Anyway, I just thought I'd share my little story of the week for you, and no doubt little insights will pop up and and wield all their way through stories in the podcast in the coming months.

Speaker 1:

What I really want to talk to you about this week, though, is how to turn overwhelm into joy in a really not obvious way and it's something that I've been studying and practicing and being a method I felt really challenged with for a number of years. Even though I know it works and I help my clients with it, it's still something I realised I was resisting and I've been really turning it on its head and, oh my goodness, so powerful, so much fun. So I think actually I was just taking myself too seriously or taking it too seriously, the method too seriously. So here goes. I'm going to start by reading you a poem, because this poem just keeps knocking in my head like knocking on the door going Rumi's poem, rumi's poem, and it's happened regularly over the past 10 years. But here we go, I'm going to read it to you and then you can see what resonates with you and then I'm going to use it as the basis for what I want to talk about.

Speaker 1:

So you may or may not know it, it's a beautiful, beautiful poem by Rumi. It's called the Guesthouse. This being human is a guesthouse. Every morning, a new arrival, a joy, a depression, a meanness, some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor. Welcome and entertain them all, even if they're a crowd of sorrows who violently sweep your house empty of its furniture still treat each guest honorably. He may be clearing you out for some new delight. The dark thought, the shame, the malice. Meet them at the door, laughing, and invite them in. Be grateful for whoever comes, because each has been sent as a guide. Now, as personal growth is not actually a linear path, life is not a linear path, it's a spiral.

Speaker 1:

What I find really interesting for me about reading this poem for the umpteenth time is the recognition that for a long time, I've been battling with the actual idea that I can go to the door and laugh. I mean like, come on, you know, you wake up in the morning with that anxiety, that overwhelm that. Oh, my goodness, how am I going to get through the day? There's too much the fear, the shame, all of the stuff, and then trying to notice all the good and feel the safety, the security, the satisfaction, the love, the joy I already have. There's a battle there. There's a battle which is really, really interesting, because if I go full on into, oh, there's an uncomfortable feeling. What's that about? It feels like a really bad way to start my day and it also, interestingly, feels like the opposite to the one minute morning which is my new practice, which is a major upgrade on the old practice of the morning promise is links.

Speaker 1:

The morning promise was I commit to myself first, to living my life my way. That now feels like a major first step on the gentle rebellion of just saying, yeah, actually I matter and it's time I started thinking about myself, because I'm giving everything away to everything and everyone else. But that in itself is a gently rebellious path. Committing to yourself every morning is tough because it means first of all, you're going to have to know what you want, which means you have to face yourself, and part of that does involve facing fears. Then the one minute morning practice from the One Minute Rebellious Journal, which I've been practicing last year and I've been practicing every morning this year, invites you to bring the feeling of your word of the year.

Speaker 1:

The word of the year is your quick way of connecting your conscious mind back to the deep, unconscious, subconscious feelings coming from the body and the heart of what you want to feel this year, which is a shortcut, the shortest way I could think of doing it, of connecting to all your heartfelt desires coming true this year, because everything we do is in order to change how we feel. So if you connect to the end feeling and bring it forward to now, and you connect to it every day and you use that feeling whether it's satisfaction, safety, relief, whatever it is and you bring that into the beginning of every day and allow that to guide you on how you approach your day. That helps you stay focused on what matters most to you, which dramatically cuts your overwhelm Because, as we know, not everything is equally important, but it feels like it is when we're overwhelmed. It feels like it is when we've said yes to too many things and we're trying to achieve and have a lot. Now, if we want to have a lot, we need to stay focused on what matters most. So this is this and this works. I mean, I cannot believe that we're only in February. I know we're nearly in March, but you know less than two months and I feel like I've had a whole year or two already, honestly, being so focused and so happy in that focus. So this works.

Speaker 1:

So, where an earth does welcoming in fear and laughing at the door and inviting it in, where does that come in? Because it would seem to contradict, right, but not if you neutrally notice first. So I think what I try and do in my head is skip it. I think. Well, I ought to be able to invite in the fear and laugh. So what's wrong with me? I get back into the what's wrong with me, and then the feelings of imposter syndrome. Who am I to be teaching about this if I'm not doing this properly? However, let's just back it up a bit.

Speaker 1:

So the suggestion is that being human is a guest house. Starting from that, you can, instead of thinking, oh, I shouldn't be feeling all of this range of stuff fear, shame, anxiety, overwhelm, etc. I should always wake up every morning feeling really clear and confident and on it and joyful because look at my life, it's amazing. I should be so grateful. I shouldn't be feeling anything but that. But if being human is a guest house, stuff's going to show up anyway. It's not a closed house, it's a guest house up anyway. It's not a closed house, it's a guest house. You know visitors are going to come and that is true, visitors do come. So then it just becomes okay, that's just how things are, it's just the way things are. Stuff's going to rock up. Then it's not a failure, it just is. It's just a fact. It just is. And you know it's a fact, because it's true, because every morning, different feelings arise, different things pull our attention.

Speaker 1:

Now there is a purpose, I believe, in deliberately bringing to mind and flooding your body with the feeling of your word of the year, very powerful. However, there are some days that's easy and some days it feels really hard. So how can we make it easier? By treating all of it as useful information. So this is how we can link in, this is how I am linking in beautifully and expertly. Thank you very much.

Speaker 1:

Neutral, noticing so when, instead of fighting the fear, anxiety, whatever's coming up, if instead we neutrally notice it, we get back to okay. So being human is a guest house. Just the way things are. There's no judgment, it just is and it obviously just is because the unwanted guests are here. Now why on earth would you make them into wanted guests? Because Rumi understands the power of doing it. And I'm going to tell you, because it's easier, it's more joyful, it's actually gently rebellious when you turn it around and start to practice. It's just a practice getting towards the idea that imagine if I could just laugh and welcome them in now.

Speaker 1:

I've struggled with that for years. Sometimes I've been really good at not welcoming it. See, this is thing I don't think I've been good at actually welcoming. I think I've been treating them as unwelcome guests and then thinking, okay, so I can turn it around. So, for example, there's a big thing, isn't Feel the fear and do it anyway?

Speaker 1:

And this idea that you push through fear to get to what you want, well, that's not gently rebellious, because that's pushing against yourself and that's linked to the whole thing of everything you want is on the other side of your comfort zone. So you have to suffer to have what you want. I don't believe that's true. I believe there's a choice in that, even though that's really hard, because most of us do suffer to have what we want. Well, what if what Rumi's saying is that we don't have to suffer? We can instead welcome it in? So if we treat everything that comes every morning as useful information? So the sinking feeling in your gut, the kind of feeling I used to get a lot of somebody's holding me back like pressing into my sternum, blocking my heart no, you shall not pass. So that I used to push through And't didn't work out the way I wanted it took. It meant that I pushed away the useful information and instead my body got sick until I quit my job now that what if I'd listened earlier?

Speaker 1:

And I know full well when I look at my entire story, that I did know before I chose to go into teaching that I didn't want to do it. In fact, I'd been saying for years I would never do it, but I panicked because there was a financial crisis and I knew I'd be good at it and I worked really hard to make it something I loved, and a lot of time. I loved it because I made sure that I did, because I have that attitude, but it wasn't my true, true desire. My true desire was to be doing what I'm doing now, which is coaching, so I could have said yes to that earlier. I have no interest in changing the past. It's all a gift for me.

Speaker 1:

However, I can see what happens when I make things harder. I can see what happens when I make things harder, so I chose a suffering path to get to here. I could have chosen a different path. Obviously, a lot of my being wanted this path, otherwise I wouldn't have trodden it, so I take full responsibility for that. However, I choose not to push through overwhelm into exhaustion with a heavy heart ever again. I choose now to live more skillfully and it's working clearly, haha.

Speaker 1:

So let's examine what I'm doing differently, what you are doing differently or can do differently, because not just me, it's all of us doing this together. Should you choose to be part of the Gentle Rebellion, which I know many of you are and I'm really grateful for you being here now, listening to this feeling uplifted by it it matters. You matter being part of this. You matter so much. I'm so I treasure you, I'm so grateful for you. So let's look at it. So, if we decide that it's all useful information, that means that when unwanted feelings appear, we are more willing to engage with them. But it's still painful because it still feels difficult. So a lot of the time, we're not really engaging with them. At least that's my experience of working with clients and of working with myself.

Speaker 1:

My new up level for this is this line about laughter what if it could get like that? What if it could be even better? So in the past few days, I've been doing a lot on this yes, in parallel with my family history treasure hunt, because life goes on. Everything's running in parallel, isn't it? You're holding down an amazing job or whatever you're up to at the same time as all of this deeper work going on and outside events, it's all going on at once. We don't get to pause, switch life off while we sort ourselves out. So what if it genuinely doesn't have to be difficult? So, looking at all of these things of what you resist, persist is a very old saying, but also, for me, mixed in is the yeah, but where attention goes, energy flows. So this is what I can see. I've been battling.

Speaker 1:

If I choose to focus on the unwanted feelings and thoughts, doesn't that then mean my energy is going there when I could decide to focus on all the good stuff? However, there's a difference, I believe. Believe between unwanted feelings or unpleasant feelings and thoughts. Thoughts are just like stormy stuff. They're not as important as the feelings and I'm talking about this deep when we go deeply within and connect with what's going on with us. So, say, you wake up in the morning, you're like I should be really excited because I, because I've got time today to do all of this stuff and I've been really looking forward to it.

Speaker 1:

This is probably my most common pattern at the moment. So I'm on it, I'm loving my life, and then I wake up in the morning with this self-doubt Actually it doesn't feel like self-doubt I wake up in the morning with this oh, I've got to do all of that. That feels really hard. It's too hard for me. Who am I to be doing this? And then the imposter syndrome kicks in. All the normal unwanted guess. But if I go further I find that it's self-doubt. And once I get to that, I get into the the oh, and then very quickly it turns into oh, that's okay, I'm okay, I can carry a little bit of of imposter syndrome self-doubt, because that's just me having high standards isn't so nothing then is actually wrong. And then things start to dissolve.

Speaker 1:

So there's a difference, I believe, in ignoring it and trying to override it with positivity and engaging not with the thoughts. The thoughts can lead you to the feelings, but the deep I have found, the deeper you go to getting out of my head. So if my mind's crowding me with unhelpful thought patterns, what's the deep fear beneath that? What's the deep fear beneath that? And that's usually in my gut or my, my stern and my heart. It's the center of me will tend to have that feeling. And if I sit there and ask, gently but rebelliously, what's going on here and then, if I up it to okay, this is useful information. What have you got to show me? Come on, guys, let's do this. You are welcome.

Speaker 1:

Then things change. As soon as I shift to I'm welcoming in the fear, everything shifted. So that's what I've been up to over the past few weeks, but particularly this week I noticed I was really working with it in that way. And then when I've read you the poem about meet them at the door laughing, invite them in, I can see this is where we need to go. And then I'm thinking what if we could create a one minute practice, because you know how much I like one minute practices. So what if there's a one minute fear practice?

Speaker 1:

You wake up in the morning, you commit to yourself first and you bring the feeling of your word of the year and you let it flood your body, or not, because this morning it's really, really hard. All of this stuff is in the way between you and that feeling of your word of the year. What's wrong with you? So you catch the mind going what's wrong with me? Why am I not excited about my day? Theoretically I should be. I have so much to be grateful for Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Drop out of the blah, blah, blah, blah, blah into the body, feel what's really going on here. And instead of taking ourselves too seriously with the I must sit down and messy journal out masses and masses of fear and self-doubt. What if, instead, we just went into the body, into the heart, into the gut, and asked come on in, come on in, tell me what you want to tell me. Because in the poem it says be grateful for whoever comes, because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.

Speaker 1:

Now, whether you see that as beyond in a religious sense, a spiritual sense or your subconscious, what if there's a gift? What if these are actually welcome visitors turning up with a gift? But they just are in disguise because I don't know. Just because they are, because being human is a gift house. We don't a gift house, a guest house, oh, a gift house. Oh, interesting slip of the tongue there. This being human is a gift house. Okay, I can go with that. So it's all gifts, they've all got a gift, they're all showing up.

Speaker 1:

That doesn't mean every morning, if you don't get a depression or a meanness, if you get a joy instead, everything's gone wrong. That would be tipping it too far. I do not believe we need to sit in this constant personal growth of, oh I need to process more stuff so I'll be free, no Notice. When you're already free from it, enjoy that, Live it, love it. But I do believe we could be even more skilled at gaining freedom from fear by sitting with the fear and allowing it to completely flood the body for one minute, asking what it wants, receiving the gift, receiving the gift, then getting on with our day. And I guess a way to judge how far you've processed it and received the gift would be how much of a glimpse of my word of the year can I get? Because as we process fear and receive the gift, we should naturally be moving from that overwhelmed nervous system into more joy, into freedom, into self-belief, into self-trust, because that's the gift, that's what we want. So if what we want is satisfaction, joy, self-belief, self-trust, all of the good stuff, then the gifts must be to help us have that, because it's your life, it's your guest house, it's your gift house and you get what you focus on.

Speaker 1:

So, assuming there's a gift, can you, can you welcome it in? I don't think I'm quite at the laughing stage, but that's what I'm going for. I'm going for the, the dark thought, the shame, the malice. Meet them at the door laughing, and invite them in. That's's where I want to be. Want to join me?

Speaker 1:

Yeah, come on, let's make this into an even higher level, gently, rebellious adventure. Let's go all in. Let's neutrally notice all of it, even the stuff that we really want to hide. And do you know what the beautiful thing is? Even the stuff you don't want to tell anyone, you don't have to tell anyone. It doesn't matter, because when you process it in the body, it dissipates. You receive the gift.

Speaker 1:

So you can talk it out if you want to. You can message, journal it out if you want to. You have to do what works for you. But what if there's a more effective way? And what if this poem is hinting at it? And what if we get to decide? This is true for us, this poem is hinting at it. And what if we get to decide? This is true for us because I have been practicing not quite the laughing but definitely the curious, welcoming in thing, and it's powerful and I'm enjoying it a lot more than the idea of having to make time to sit down with it and go deep within for ages and create like a mini retreat in the middle of the day. That works, but I want to do it in a more gently rebellious way. I want to do it in a lighter way, an easier way. So this is what I'm up to.

Speaker 1:

I'd love to know your thoughts. Drop me a line if you want to let me know what this means to you. I'd love to know. See you next week. Thank you so much for listening and for being part of the Overwhelmers Optional podcast. If you want to continue the conversation, please do connect with me on LinkedIn, instagram or YouTube. Let me know your thoughts. I love hearing from you and if you found this helpful, taking a moment to share, subscribe and leave a review would be much appreciated. It helps other people find the podcast. If you're ready to turn overwhelm into joy, you'll find my books, resources and ways to work with me on my website, heidimarkcouk, and on Amazon. All the links are in the show notes. Until next time, keep gently rebelling and making overwhelm optional for you.

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