Thoughts about our thoughts

What are you thinking about your thinking? does it feel good? listen to my examples and use this too eliminate some of your misery! 

Jackie from Intermittent Fasting Foodie has inspired me to try OMAD or eating one meal a day and i am loving it so far!

Gin Stephens is the other awesome lady who inspired both of us, check out her book Delay, Don't Deny and her other book Jackie from Intermittent Fasting Foodie has inspired me to try OMAD or eating one meal a day and i am loving it so far!

Gin Stephens is the other awesome lady who inspired both of us, check out her book Delay, Don't Deny and her other book

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:06

Hey guys, Natalia Schneimler here. I help boy moms have a better relationship with their sons and themselves by teaching them the tools how to manage their mind so that when anything comes up in life, they know exactly how to take care of themselves and their kids. Hey guys, how are you doing? I'm just waiting for my son at an appointment and I have some time in the car and I want to share this with you, a message that will be super helpful to me So of course, here I am telling you guys. So it helped me with my own experience with my PMS. And here's how it helped. So let me tell you, the first started with my conversation with one of my little boys. In the evening, right at bedtime, he was telling me that he gets scared at night and right before bed and that he's sad. And I was telling him, I said to him, you know what? I get like that every night before bed. You know what? Because I'm tired. I said, when I'm tired, all these thoughts come in my head that are not nice, sad thoughts, scary thoughts, worried thoughts. But I kind of just, I'm so used to kind of seeing them every night that I don't really listen to them. I just think, oh, right. It just means that I'm tired. So I just take myself to bed. So I don't really pay attention to them because I've seen them so many times. And he said, wow, mama, that's really helpful. It's like, oh, okay, that makes sense. So I know that it actually is very helpful for me, myself, to take care of myself instead of listening to the thoughts, drama thoughts at night or worry or whatever, fear. I just know that it's a symptom that I'm just tired, physically tired. So that's really helpful. So After I had that conversation with him, I was listening to my own life coach who was talking about being dramatic. She goes, oh, you know, she said something about how she was coaching someone who is dramatic and she said, oh, you know... Part of what you're having right now is you're just being dramatic. She says, you know, I love being dramatic and we just need to know that part of ourselves that we're just super dramatic, you know. But we need to calm ourselves down and realize, oh, I'm just being dramatic. It's not actually in reality that dramatic. So I heard her say it. And then that kind of sunk in. But then my own PMS started kicking in, which is super dramatic. Drama, drama, drama, drama. Like, you take a little thing and to me, I'm crying over it that, oh, this happened because it's just that dramatic. And so as soon as I was listening to my own thoughts about little things and knowing that it's before my period, I recognized it and I applied the same thing that I do with my evening thoughts. I applied it there with my PMS thoughts. And I didn't buy into them for the first time ever. I remember year after year, I would just buy into and be dramatic. I would just be upset, be dramatic, and not really have that level of awareness about my drama. And so I would have a terrible week or two. I would just be... feel experiencing life in a dramatic way where things are bad even small things right but here I was able to put my some distance between myself and my thoughts and I would have a thought like oh this is just me being dramatic because of my PMS this doesn't actually mean anything this is just my PMS whatever let's move on and it actually clicked and it worked and it Did that for, I think, for a few reasons. One, because I have practiced it with my evening thoughts for many years. And the other big part of this working is your own awareness of your own thoughts and feelings, which took me years, years and years and years of just getting to know them, right? So before I could... separate myself from them. I had to listen to them and get to know them and be involved in them and feel them. But one day then it did click where I just recognized like, oh, these are just thoughts. They're super dramatic and I don't need to be engaged in them. I can just move on. Like this doesn't mean anything. So I wanted to offer this to you that we can have thoughts about our thoughts, right? Just like you know, if I have thoughts about my evening thoughts or feelings, right? You could just recognize I'm feeling worried. Is it 9 p.m.? Is it 10 p.m.? If I'm feeling worried, that, you know, instead of me just going down the rabbit hole and listening to the worry, listening to the thoughts, I could just decide that, oh, this doesn't mean anything except for the fact that I'm tired and I just need to go to bed. So instantly you cut yourself off from the worried feeling because you don't care anymore. You're not listening to that part of the brain. And you can just go to bed feeling good. Just like I did with my PMS thoughts. I just did a download of my thoughts and I looked at them and I thought this is so funny because it's so dramatic. It was just something super small like my pain. It's just a very small, I can't remember the example, like something like my pen falling down or something like super trivial that made me super upset. So I saw it for what it was and distanced myself enough from it to then take the suffering away. This is why I want you to really picture yourself having a thought about your thoughts so that you can end the suffering. This is why it's super exciting to me because here I was suffering from the PMS and for many, many years and being sucked in by the drama. And now I'm practicing this new perspective of, oh, this doesn't mean anything. This is just my PMS. Everything is just actually fine. So I want to offer this to you that you can get to know your thoughts and your feelings and And then you can have a thought. We actually do this all the time. This happens all the time where we have thoughts about our thoughts, where we judge ourselves. We're like, well, what an idiot I am for thinking that. Actually, another example I have for you is that my friend and I got together for coffee and we were talking about how we get upset when we don't get something perfect, but not in any area, only specific area. Like for her, it was her work, um, If she doesn't get her work done perfectly, she gets really upset as if it's a total failure. Not like if it's 99% perfect and she just sees that. No, she's like, oh, if it's 1% off, it means it's a failure. And I do the same thing for me in my parenting. I'm like, oh, if that one moment is not perfect, that's it. I fail as a parent. And we... look at that in ourselves, her and I, and we think, oh, what an idiot. I'm just such an idiot. I should just see all the good things I'm doing and I should try not to be a perfectionist and I should just not be an idiot. So that's us having a thought about having thoughts about how good of a job we're doing. But instead, I said to her, you know, what if we were a surgeon brain surgeon and or any surgeon and we let's say we're stitching someone up and we didn't do a stitch perfectly and then we would beat ourselves up we would say oh darn I just messed up that stitch then would we think that we're an idiot for trying to be a perfect surgeon or will we think oh I'm just trying to be the best surgeon I can be I'm just trying to to do a great job because this matters extremely a lot and this is someone's life we're talking about. So I should aim to be perfect. So we wouldn't judge ourselves harshly if we were a surgeon, you know, wanting to do a perfect job. Then why are we doing this with our line of work, right? Maybe we can also decide that our standards are high. And it doesn't mean that we're an idiot. It just means that we want to do a good job. So you see how we find the pattern in ourselves and then we can have a thought about it. Either it could be a judgmental thought or it could be a, hey, this means something useful to us, right? So take that away and try it on yourself and realize, Use that for your tired thoughts. Like I have jobs for my sons. I have like Sunday jobs where they have to clean up the room and cut their nails and finish their homework. Or they have morning jobs, right? Brushing teeth. And we call them that. Like morning jobs, Sunday jobs, evening jobs. So for us, I want to give us like tired thoughts and evening thoughts, PMS thoughts. kids thoughts right different areas in life so what if we get to know them and see them for what they are and reduce the suffering by really not not really buying into all of them right you see what I mean like if when they get super dramatic and detrimental to us that's when we can recognize them see them and like kind of put a break on them like okay I see you being super dramatic just take a nap right Just like we do with our kids. So why don't we get to know ourselves and do that with ourselves? So I invite you to do that. Listen to how you're feeling and get to know it. And you know what? You know what I bet is going to happen? You're going to have the exact same feeling and thought next time this thing happens. And the next thing. And the next time. And the next time. So guess what? In like five times, you're going to know yourself pretty well when you're paying attention. When you're like, oh, I remember this happened. Exact same thing. I felt exactly the same way and I had the exact same thoughts. Hmm, so maybe I can just call them, you know, visiting my family in the hospital thoughts and feelings, right? And see them for what they are and be okay with them and not be a mess, not be an emotional mess. All right, guys, love you all so much. If you need any help with any of... This is why coaching is so amazing because a lot of the time we can't really see what's inside our brain. We can't really see it objectively. And that's where our coaches are great because they just reflect it to you and then you see it clearly. You're like, oh, well, that makes sense. I couldn't really see it from inside myself. All right, so come get coached. Experience it for yourself. Go to my website, www.coachingnatalia.com. And sign up for a free session. I'll see you in Zoom. Love you. Bye.