"My own family doesn’t like me"

Sharing my crazy so you don’t feel so crazy

"My own family doesn’t like me."

" There’s something wrong with me."

 "I can’t relate to them here. "I am nagging again. God I hate when I do that."

 If you’ve ever thought thoughts like these than this episode is for you I share some of my crazy emotions and thoughts and get to the bottom of what is actually creating them and then I’m hoping to help you so you don’t feel so lost in your own emotions 

Jackie from Intermittent Fasting Foodie has inspired me to try OMAD or eating one meal a day and i am loving it so far!

Gin Stephens is the other awesome lady who inspired both of us, check out her book Delay, Don't Deny and her other book Jackie from Intermittent Fasting Foodie has inspired me to try OMAD or eating one meal a day and i am loving it so far!

Gin Stephens is the other awesome lady who inspired both of us, check out her book Delay, Don't Deny and her other book

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:06

Hey guys, how's it going today? I'm waiting for my middle son while he's at the band rehearsal. After school, my little ones are playing at the playground and my middle, my oldest, is somewhere at school. So basically, I'm just waiting for my kids. And I wanted to share with you some of my crazy, because I'm hoping and I'm pretty sure that one of you will relate. And I think exposing the little bit of this crazy will make us all feel better because we're not so crazy and it's okay. So I think it's important to heal this and to comfort it and to share it so that we are healthy mentally and emotionally okay so my latest crazy was what I call it crazy but really was just some feelings of inadequacy but this time it was me feeling uh like my family doesn't like me and my family thinks I'm crazy which I can't remember last time that happened and it's been a I don't even know if that ever has happened maybe it has but I forgot but This time, we actually went on vacation during that time, which was not a good time to have such feelings. And I felt sad, and I had all these reasons. This is the funny part, right? I had this list of reasons why I thought my family doesn't like me, they think I'm crazy, that I'm different than them, and how it's not fair, and whatever. you know, kind of F them, like, I'll be on my own, blah, blah, blah. But the truth is, what was actually here, I'm going to tell you some of the reasons. So I thought that, like, I couldn't relate to them talking about sports. They couldn't relate to me constantly correcting their posture or There are manners, you know, of course, all the annoying mom things that I'm doing. And, you know, I was really at that, on that vacation, I read a book about fasting. So I was really obsessed about fasting and I was like, All I wanted to think about and talk about was fasting and how it's so exciting and I love it. And so I felt like my family wouldn't relate to me about that. You know, they're all boys and men. And so what else? I just felt it got into my head that because they're all boys and because I'm a girl, I'm so different and I'll never relate to them and they'll never relate to me. And it was all so dramatic. And I felt so kind of like such a victim about it. I felt so sad about it. And of course, it was just emotional, hormonal, dramatic phase that phased out. And it wasn't the truth of the situation. It was just a temporary crazy, as I call it. But it was so real. It was so strong for me and I needed to comfort it. And I wanted to share it here with you so that in case that happens with you, you might not feel alone, especially if you live in a family of all boys and you're the only girl, that you might feel that way. And I had myself convinced that It's because they're all boys and I'm a girl for the first time in 13 years of living with all boys. Before that, I never had a problem with it until that period where I just felt that I'm the only girl and I'm so different and I can never relate to them. So why am I sharing this with you? Well, Of course, being me, I always try to do the work on myself and try to figure out what is really going on. And of course, I didn't like the answer, but the actual answer was that I was the one who was not liking me. I was the one who was not relating to me. I was being that person in my head. The boys and my husband had nothing to do with it. They were having a great time. And never once have they said anything to me about not relating to me or anything like that or not liking me. It was all me. I would see the situation like me correcting their posture or manners. And I would hear myself saying it. And afterwards, I would berate myself. I would be mean to myself. I was the one saying mean things to myself. Like, oh my gosh, here you go again. That's why they hit you. Like, it's so annoying, right? Because that's how I felt that they were feeling, which is not at all how they were feeling. Maybe they felt like that momentarily, but then they moved on to a better time. But that was all me. It was going on in my head and creating my feelings. But The kicker was that because I believed it so strongly and it was such a... I felt it so strongly and I've been doing it repetitively for a week or two with such a strong presence that I wasn't even noticing I was doing it until I started paying better attention. And I noticed that I was just bullying myself over and over and over again after each incident. And of course, then I would feel like, yes, nobody likes me and I'm terrible and I can't relate and they can't relate to me. So I felt really, really terrible all because of my own head, what was going on in my head. So I'm sharing this so that hopefully it helps you when you are feeling like somebody doesn't like you, just check what's going on in your head. Whose side are you on? Are you on your side or Or are you actually voicing their side and agreeing with them? That's exactly what I was doing. And I noticed it. And then I started noticing more and more. And that gave me a chance to really respond to my own bully and say, you know, that's... That's not really the case. We're fine. We're doing a good job. I had a chance to stand up to myself and answer to my own crazy. Yes, it sounds like I'm judging myself as I'm saying it because I can hear my husband's voice kind of rolling his eyes at what he would hear. But this is for all the crazies like me, not for my husband. So this is the conclusion. Whatever you feel like... It's their feeling about you is actually your project. You're feeling that yourself. This is what you're creating. And the crazies that you're creating, you have a chance to notice and then to answer and to comfort and to really stop creating, right? Because as soon as I really gave light to it, I saw it for what it was. I'm like, oh, okay, it's my own voice now. I feel really terrible about myself. I don't like being nagging to my kids. I don't like when I am judging them talking about sports. I don't like being so girly, for example. I was saying, oh, you know. thinking, you know, they're so cool, they're always having fun, they're always having a good time talking about sports, and I'm so terrible, I'm a girl, I'm all this drama, I'm always obsessed about food, and I want to do this weird fasting, and no one can relate to me. Like, see how nasty I was talking to myself? Like, that's just not necessary. Again, this is unsupervised voice that I was having in my head, and... that was running the show and creating all these sad, sad emotions. I felt terrible, felt unloved, unliked, and sad. So here we go. This is me sharing my crazy so you can feel better about your crazy. I have to stop calling it crazy because it's not crazy. It really is what happens when we live unconsciously and we don't know what's happening. is that our emotions start running us and we think, oh, it's just because of the world. No, it's all happening in my head and I'm creating it all in my head with my thoughts. And if I take a look at my thoughts, then I can see, oh, okay, that makes sense. I feel so terrible. It's because of what I'm thinking. It's not my family's fault and it's definitely not the fault that they're all boys and I'm a girl. So... That's why I'm here sharing with you. I'm hoping that it's super helpful, and I would love to hear that hopefully you are becoming more aware of what you're thinking, how you're feeling, and how you're creating it. And the best part I find is that we don't even need to find new thoughts to replace these ones because as soon as I realize that these are just made-up thoughts, made-up things, the feelings just disappear. I no longer feel it. I no longer believe it. And I don't need to find new ones. That's how I really know that I'm no longer believing these thoughts is because I'm free of them, free of the feelings, and I don't need to find the new ones. But as long as we're looking for the new thoughts, new feelings, that's kind of when we know we're kind of still swimming in the old ones. We're still attached to the old story. And that's okay. We need to be aware of that. And that's how we build that muscle of awareness by just simply noticing our thoughts. All right, guys. So this all happened on vacation. We went somewhere warm for spring break. And the kids, we had a pool. The kids were playing in the pool a lot. We were reading books by the pool. Went on some hikes. And had a great time overall, except for me feeling this way. But then thankfully, I fixed it all and moved on with my life. And now here I am sharing with you. All right, guys, have a wonderful day and week. And I also would love to hear you're crazy because I love crazy. You know me. Okay, love you. Bye.