When you hate your neighbour

This episode for you is for you if you really really can’t stand your neighbor.

Is there someone who you just can’t stand right now? 

Well listen here to hear my favourite story from Ajahn Brahm and his awesome book "Don’t worry be grumpy." Check out his book. I love love love his book. 

Listen to what happened to me after I read the story to my twins and what happened with my friend. This will help you get along with the person who’s driving you crazy.

Jackie from Intermittent Fasting Foodie has inspired me to try OMAD or eating one meal a day and i am loving it so far!

Gin Stephens is the other awesome lady who inspired both of us, check out her book Delay, Don't Deny and her other book Jackie from Intermittent Fasting Foodie has inspired me to try OMAD or eating one meal a day and i am loving it so far!

Gin Stephens is the other awesome lady who inspired both of us, check out her book Delay, Don't Deny and her other book

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:06

Hey guys, how are you doing? I'm excited to tell you about today's topic. And it started out first with me reading a book to my twins at bedtime. And I actually love this book. It's called Don't Worry, Be Grumpy. And it's by my favorite monk, which you already know about, Ajahn Brahm. Of course, I'll link it in the notes. And I'm reading this to my twins at bed. It's short stories and I absolutely love it. I've read it before and I can't get enough. So I read the story to them first. Then I implemented what I learned from that story that night, which blew me away. And then the next day... I met with a friend who was struggling with something that's related to the story. And so I just was really inspired to share this with you. So in case you have someone in your life who you're really struggling with, whether it's a bad neighbor, whether you can't stand someone in your life, whether your kids are driving you crazy, whatever it is, this story, Hopefully helps, okay? So I'm going to read you part of the story from the book, and then I'll tell you what happened, okay? So this is how it goes. A young Buddhist wife could not get along with her husband's mom, even though she tried. No matter what the daughter-in-law said or did, it was never, ever good enough. The mother-in-law would always find fault with her. It was driving the young wife crazy. The daughter-in-law tried meditating. That didn't work. Then she tried spreading loving kindness to her mother-in-law every morning and evening. That did not work. Next, she tried Buddhist chanting, but to no avail. The mother-in-law was just as critical of her as ever. Being a Mahayana Buddhist, the young wife would often pray to the goddess of mercy, Queen Yin. I'm not sure how to pronounce that. So early one morning, she tried praying. She must have been exhausted from all the worry about her mother-in-law because she fell asleep while praying and dreamed of Quinyin. There was the goddess of mercy in her flowing white robe holding the vessel of kindness, but when she looked at Quinyin's face, she was shocked. The face was not the usual one that she has seen on all statues of Quinyin in the temple. Instead, Queen Yan had her mother-in-law's face. It was a sign. From that time on, the young wife regarded her difficult mother-in-law as an embodiment of the goddess of mercy. With such a fundamental change in her attitude toward her mother-in-law, she received less negativity. The mother-in-law began to like her daughter-in-law, and they soon became the best of friends. How you regard others will be how others regard you. That is how to kiss an ugly frog and remove the wicked spell. Because the story is called the, how to, what is the story called? It's called Kissing the Ugly Frog. Basically, how do you make yourself like the ugly frog? And in this story, he made the mother-in-law the ugly frog. So I read that story to my twins at bedtime. And I felt frustrated that evening. Nothing was going my way. And I think even before that story, I told my husband, I feel frustrated because I feel like everyone's being an idiot. And I'm not proud of it, but that's what happened. So then I read that story, and I thought, okay, if I want my kids to be thoughtful... then maybe I can start thinking that they're thoughtful, right? Because whatever you think of the other person is how the other person is going to think of you. And better yet, you're going to feel better. This is what I was really looking for. When you think everyone's being an idiot, you feel terrible, right? It makes you angry. So I thought, okay, I could just try this. If I want my kids, if I want to feel like my kids are thoughtful... then maybe I could start thinking of them as thoughtful. And you would not believe that... Well, I was done with the twins, and I put them to bed. Then I moved on to my big boys, and you would not believe, which I... Well, you will believe. But as I was putting the big boys to bed, one of the big boys said, Thank you, Mama, you're so thoughtful. And I laughed out loud because that worked so quickly that... Literally five minutes later, as soon as I thought, you know, they're thoughtful, then I was acting thoughtful and my boys commented. They said, Mama, you're being so thoughtful. So that, you know, you've always probably heard of they say, you know, do unto others as you want others to do unto you. And if you want others to be nice to you, be nice to them. But this is a little bit of a different approach, right? If you want others to love you, or whatever you want others to think of you, start thinking that of them first. Which can be really hard when you start out thinking the exact opposite, right? When you really think, like, you know, I was thinking my kids were not thoughtful, right? When they're not thinking of each other. And that's totally understandable, by the way. I think as the kids are growing up, they're learning. How to be thoughtful, how to think of others, etc. But of course, it was still driving me crazy when I would think, well, you should already know this, right? So that's what happened that night. And then, so I laughed out loud and I said, thank you. And I was really happy that I could achieve that. And the next day, I met up with a friend who, poor woman, is really upset with her neighbor. And really, there's fights going on. They're struggling. She really hates her neighbor. The neighbor hates her. And on and on and on, you know, she was really upset. She was telling me about all the things. And so I could not help but think I need to share this with everyone because this is a perfect example when we want to think something of our neighbor like wow they're such a great neighbor but we can't we're stuck in the opposite spectrum we're thinking oh my god this is the worst neighbor ever this is a perfect opportunity for us to practice what this um buddhist guy is teaching us and um Of course, I didn't tell her that because I was just being a good friend and I was listening and I was kind of commiserating and saying, you know what, better off moving on and not thinking about the neighbors much. But I think and like me, you know, we all have that in our life. So I'm not saying I'm better than that. And she, you know, she could do better. I'm saying that we all have that in our life and how we deal with it will make a difference for us. So. That's why I'm really sharing this with you here because I think when we practice this, when we start thinking the thoughts, we want those guys to think about us and feel, right? If we want our neighbor to be nice to us and love us and be thoughtful and respectful and polite, then what must they be thinking about us? You know, oh, you know, I want to be a good neighbor. I'm going to do this, right? So whatever those thoughts are that they should be thinking, that's what we need to start thinking first. Of course, it's easier said than done. But even me, who was not in a good mood on that night, I was nowhere near open to feeling like super loving and being like a Buddhist monk. And I tried it on, on myself, and I just like sat in the space and paused and kind of observed. Even I was able to achieve that. So you don't have to be perfect at it. You don't have to be happy or really good at it. You don't even have to feel all that love and kindness. You just have to start imagining what would that be like. And watch it transform. So I found it really interesting how that unfolded. And I just want to be thoughtful. I want my kids to be thoughtful. And I'm sure my friend, she really wants her neighbor to be thoughtful of her as a neighbor. And I think I have made... No, I haven't. I actually told my list to make another episode about how whatever we think of the other person is how we're actually showing up, which is kind of like what this is saying, this message, right? Whatever we're thinking about the other person, well, that's how we're acting towards them. So let's just hope I was not being too big of an idiot to my kids when I was thinking everyone's being an idiot. So that's what I have for you guys today. check out that book i love love love that book i actually could reread that book once in a while because you kind of forget and i love his sense of humor he's a british guy who became a monk and moved to thailand and then settled down in australia and he is extremely popular on youtube and everywhere and he's just wonderful his um His humor is so delightful and also the Buddhist teachings are awesome. So check it out. I love you all. Have a great day and I'll see you soon.

UNKNOWN: 10:12

Bye.