Wives Not Sisters

Our Queer Love Story: We Met, Moved In, and Got Married Within a Year as a WLW Couple

• Kayla Nielsen and Alix Tucker • Season 1 • Episode 1

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In their very first episode, Alix and Kayla dive into spicy hot takes, share lessons on love, and tell the hilarious, heartfelt story of how they met and fell for each other.

Episode Timestamps:

    •    1:56 – Hot Takes: Pop culture, Jojo Siwa, queerness, and the “trad wife” trend.

    •    11:19 – Marriage tips: What a 103-year-old couple taught them about lasting love.

    •    18:03 – The Story of Us: From parallel lives to meeting in Nicaragua.

    •    33:36 – Early crushes: When friendship blurred into more.

    •    39:00 – Buying land together (before they were even a couple!).

    •    48:50 – Soul marriage under the stars.

    •    53:17 – First kiss at SFO: The start of forever.

Connect with us on social media: IG: @wivesnotsisterspod

Follow our hosts on Instagram: @kaylalanielsen @alix_tucker


SPEAKER_01:

are we doing this is it a hunt i don't know i think it's time are you nervous a little bit me too hey guys it's alex and kayla And we're... I'm gonna have to do this later.

SPEAKER_02:

Okay.

SPEAKER_01:

I already forgot what it is.

SPEAKER_02:

Okay. You don't want to do the intro part at all? I

SPEAKER_01:

already, wait, I already forgot what it is. It's like, we're wives. We're married. We're married. Not related. Definitely codependent. Yeah. Okay, I'm gonna just go. Hey guys, it's Alex. And Kayla. And we're wives.

UNKNOWN:

Fuck!

SPEAKER_02:

you got it honey you got it you could do this I gotta get all my willies out Get your willies out. Okay. Okay.

SPEAKER_01:

God damn it. Okay. Hey, guys. It's Alex. And Kayla. And we're married. Not related. Definitely codependent. But in a cute way. And we're so excited to be here. It's our first episode. It's

SPEAKER_02:

our first episode.

SPEAKER_01:

We

SPEAKER_02:

finally made it.

SPEAKER_01:

We're so happy that hopefully people are listening. Welcome.

SPEAKER_02:

Hopefully. Hopefully one person is listening out there. You'll have to let us know. So we're not going to do the whole thing that podcasts usually do, which is like, what did you do this weekend? And also we spend 24-7 together, hence the codependent part. And we're kind of boring. We're boring. And it's like, what am I seriously going to ask you anyways? So instead, we're going to just kind of like shake it up and we're going to do this thing called your turn to lead, which means every episode we're going to start with a game or something that's a little bit more fun, a little bit more engaging than just like, so then I went to HomeGoods and that we're not doing that. We're not doing that. And that, by the way, is what we did. We're sparing you. We're sparing you. So it's your turn to lead. What do you got, friends?

SPEAKER_01:

Well, I'm kind of excited about this one. We're doing hot takes this week, which basically is like kind of a spicy opinion that you have.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

And so I think people want to know what your hot take is on pop culture this week. Okay.

SPEAKER_02:

The scary thing about doing hot takes on our first episode is that we're going to just immediately piss people off and make them unsubscribe but we're doing it we're just diving in so but I feel like pop culture is it's a gentle nobody really cares about that right like no one's gonna get mad at us I think people have opinions yeah people they care too much that's a whole separate problem we will talk about at some point okay currently my hot take pop culture is any Love Island fans out there will understand this okay and I'm talking season 6 not season 7 that is a whole other issue. But season six, Aaron and Kayla, I think they should be together. They need to be together. But why are you saying this? Why do I think they should be together? Why is it a hot take?

SPEAKER_01:

Like, why do you think they should be together?

SPEAKER_02:

Anyone who is watching Beyond the Villa, which is basically, it's another show, a spinoff show of the season six cast and them getting famous and everything post Love Island, the chemistry between them I'm sorry, but first of all, there's no way they're good at acting. They're not faking that.

SPEAKER_01:

No.

SPEAKER_02:

They don't have that

SPEAKER_01:

skill. Didn't he like cheat on her and lie to her and all those things?

UNKNOWN:

Okay.

SPEAKER_02:

So I should preface by saying every relationship I've ever had other than you has been extremely toxic and revolved around cheating. So maybe don't take my advice on this one. And usually I would be the last person to be like, yeah, she should give him another shot. But I don't know what it is. feels like he made a mistake okay and also there's this whole question of like did he cheat because they weren't exclusive or closed off or whatever the label terms are they it was like this vague ross

SPEAKER_01:

and rachel i mean come on

SPEAKER_02:

yeah i know and it's like he made a mistake and then yes he lied about the mistake for the rest of the season and months after but but i'm convinced

SPEAKER_01:

he's changed i think so too i'm actually with you on this one because anyone can see that number one they have undeniable chemistry they clearly really like each other and they feel like they can't be together because he made a mistake yeah but I just feel like he seems different he seems like he's like genuine and like and remorseful remorseful and like has yeah it's just like focused on the right things in life

SPEAKER_02:

and that's what I was going to say it's like for me it's one thing someone makes a mistake like whatever that happened but for me personally what's more important is the way they handle it after and it's like he deleted his social media went to therapy and then just like went hiking in nature around the world

SPEAKER_01:

For a year.

SPEAKER_02:

Hello.

SPEAKER_01:

Hello. I'm with you. What do you mean? I'm okay with that. I'm curious what people think about this, but I'm with you.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. Do

SPEAKER_01:

you want to hear my hot take? Obviously. Okay. So my hot take. Oh my

SPEAKER_02:

God, I already know what it's going to be just by your smile.

SPEAKER_01:

It's obviously about Jojo Siwa. Obviously. And the thing is, is that I've been building an obsession with her over the last year, I think. Yeah. I don't think I really knew who she was before that. But first of all, I love her. that's not the hot take but that in and of itself is a hot take I just think she's hilarious and wonderful but my hot take is that like I think I've never been happier for Jojo Siwa like I'm just she's thriving she's got so much backlash coming after her because she came out as a lesbian when she was 17 and now she said she's queer and she's dating Chris Hughes which by the way he's so cute and they're so cute together and I'm just so happy for her yeah and I don't know why people can't be happy for her

SPEAKER_02:

I but I love

SPEAKER_01:

her. I

SPEAKER_02:

know. I know. If Jojo Siwa has no fans, you're dead. We know. We know. And I agree. I don't agree with the whole backlash of like, are you a lesbian? Are you gay? Are you not? She literally came out when she was 17. Most 17-year-olds don't know what their sexuality is. No. No. Why are we expecting her to know? And still at this point, isn't she only like 21? She's still a child. Yeah. She's a child. But I think for me, the only somewhat strange thing about this situation is the age gap. I don't love it but can we just be happy for

SPEAKER_01:

yeah so happy

SPEAKER_02:

no I'm happy for her I find it weirder on the other it's like I just that's that's my own predatory

SPEAKER_01:

fair enough yeah fair enough okay so we're gonna have one other hot take let's hit hot takes on queerness oh shit here we go

SPEAKER_02:

how much time do we have again no I'm just kidding we have not that much time I know but hot take on queerness and I know okay maybe this is like lukewarm let's see let's see how hot I want to get this is supposed to be spicy okay so I think that a lot of people can agree that like yes we're supposed to be this community that is super inclusive and open and welcome to everyone right and this is the part that's lukewarm is that I think we can all agree that even though it's preaching this love and light inclusivity there's also this kind of element of like hierarchies and like the whole gold star lesbian and like how gay are you and there's this like status and everything that's built into it which seems like the antithesis of we're open to everyone right but then the thing that I see in that it just reminds me of growing up in an extremely Christian household and still having very religious family members who it's like this religious ideology of like Jesus is love and light same thing God loves everyone except the gays there's always Yeah, always a but. that we're supposed to be like anti-binary thinking people. So it just feels, it feels a little contradictory. I think that's spicy. Okay. Okay. I like it. Don't come for me, queers. Don't come for me.

SPEAKER_01:

They might.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, it's okay.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. Especially if you're like, especially if you're like, well, I've seen the controversy when it's like, you'll post on your stories, like, who did you vote for? And people are like, oh my God, you even let people follow you who voted for Trump? You know, that kind of stuff.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. People have said I should go into and look at the results and block every single person that said they voted for Trump. I'm like, I just wouldn't. Also, by the way, that's not going to help change their mind on any of these things. No.

SPEAKER_01:

I'm with you. I think we could be more inclusive for sure.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

You see it in all sorts of ways.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay. I love it. And okay, so do you want to hear mine? Yeah. I'm like a little bit nervous to say this. Oh, no. Because I feel like people are going to come for me. Okay. The five's The subscribers we have are out the window. Don't come for me, guys. Like, again, I can have an opinion, but I'm so nervous to say this. We're like sweating through our clothes right now. You know the trad wife movement that's been happening? I don't know how long it's been happening for, but it's like a thing, right? Yeah. Okay. So it's kind of like two pieces. Number one, this is the lukewarm piece, but I feel like the trad wife movement is entering the queer community. Oh,

SPEAKER_02:

yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

You see

SPEAKER_02:

it,

SPEAKER_01:

right?

SPEAKER_02:

I made a TikTok about this last year. Did you really? Yeah. where I said that it said something of like, I fear the femme to trad wife pipeline is real.

SPEAKER_01:

That's true. That's true. Okay, so I've seen it as well, and I think it's entering the queer community, and the spicy part is that I'm kind of here for it. You have a trad fetish? You little traddy

SPEAKER_02:

daddy? You're going to be my trad wife, and I'm going to be your traddy daddy. Yeah, I feel like it's more that you want to be the daddy. It's less about the traddy in me and more about the daddy

SPEAKER_01:

in you.

UNKNOWN:

Yes.

SPEAKER_02:

I feel so seen right now. I don't know what it is, but I'm okay with it. I'm kind of into it. So the next episode, I shouldn't be wearing sweats is what you're saying. I should be wearing a little house on the prairie outfit.

SPEAKER_01:

No, no. It's not about the outfits. Are you sure you don't want me to wear a bonnet? Oh

SPEAKER_02:

my God. You talk shit on my

SPEAKER_01:

bonnet that I sleep in every night. I really am not getting down with the bonnet. I love the way you dress. Don't Don't change anything about you. But I'm into it. I'm here for it. So it's just the essence of chatting. And I feel like... with queerness, that we should be able to live the life that we want to live. That's like, I feel like the whole point of queerness is that we get to be who we want to be, live how we want to be. So don't come at me, people. If you want to trad, trad out. That's right. All right.

SPEAKER_02:

All right. I like it.

SPEAKER_01:

It's hot. Okay. So anyways, those are our hot takes. Give us some feedback. And yeah. And now we're going to be talking about, I don't know how to transition. Fuck. How do I transition?

SPEAKER_02:

So, Our next segment that we're going to do is we'll share a news article. We'll share a news article that just felt relevant, that felt fun, that felt exciting. Maybe it felt ridiculous, but we just wanted to share it with each other and share it with you.

SPEAKER_01:

That isn't from TikTok.

SPEAKER_02:

That isn't from TikTok. So it can be an article, it can be a movie, it can be a podcast, basically anything other than TikTok news because we're trying to get smarter, not dumber, but we're not sure if it's working. What do you got for us, Sunny? Okay, so I found this article popped up on my Google feed. It's from Business Insider. Very official. I feel so smart when I say that. That feels very corporate. You bite your tongue. A 103-year-old who was married for 77 years shared three tips for a healthy, long-lasting marriage. I hope I get 77 years with you, honey. Well, that's all I want. Yeah, I can't do math fast enough. How old are– You would be 108. So, yeah, that's– Well. That sounds ideal. It's not likely, but we can hope. So I want to read the three things that they said that made their marriage last. I want to hear what your feedback is. And then if we have time, you can tell me what you think some of yours are. Okay. So the first one is know that issues won't last forever. Okay. Whatever. Like, yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. I don't. Okay. That's the trick though.

UNKNOWN:

Okay.

SPEAKER_02:

But that's like just kind of life. Like everything is temporary. Yeah. You know? This too shall pass. This is self-help 101. Okay, so the next one. This one is my favorite. Know the things that annoy your partner and avoid them. This is the wife that said this? Who said it? Yeah. So you are

SPEAKER_01:

not following this tip whatsoever.

SPEAKER_02:

Either are you. Are you serious? Can you imagine just like– Purposely do things that annoy you because that's fun for me. You

SPEAKER_01:

literally terrorize me.

SPEAKER_02:

It's more– you are more concerned when I'm not terrorizing you. I feel like, yeah. You can tell if I'm depressed because I'm just kind of– It's fun to annoy your partner a little bit. I'm just kind of neutral versus just like– This is really a top three tip. Yeah. Okay. So then the last one, always have something to look forward to. Okay.

SPEAKER_01:

I mean, I feel like that helps get me through work. Like if I have like a trip plan, I'm like, okay, cool. I can work for the next like month knowing that I have something to look forward to. But like. This is work. Is it?

SPEAKER_02:

This podcast is work. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

I don't know if I'm like with these

SPEAKER_02:

tips. I mean, okay. I'm not saying that I'm not into them. They're true. But it's just a little bit like that's it. I thought I was going to get something so much better. Yeah. Okay. So what are yours? We've only been together for– we've been married for five years? Five

SPEAKER_01:

and a half years? I think always apologize first.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. Just like– just apologize. Just– But see, that applies to you and not me. Only to

SPEAKER_01:

you. Because you think you're always right. Yesterday, you could have apologized to me and you didn't.

SPEAKER_02:

Are we going there?

SPEAKER_01:

No. Yeah. But anyways, I'm just like always apologize. It just makes everything better. If you upset someone, if you said something you didn't mean, you hurt your partner, just apologize. Like it makes– everything better. There's like we don't need ego here. Just admit that you're wrong.

SPEAKER_02:

Don't give me that look. Do not give me that look. What about when someone apologizes? I'm sorry that you feel this way.

SPEAKER_01:

That's not a real apology. I'm saying like a genuine sincere heartfelt apology. But what if they

SPEAKER_02:

don't feel

SPEAKER_01:

sorry? Which means that like you understand what you did and the impact it had on the other person and that you will attempt to not do that again.

SPEAKER_02:

So basically that will solve all problems is just apologizing.

SPEAKER_01:

It will solve the majority of your problems.

SPEAKER_02:

But if you're not sorry and you're saying it anyways, is that really a tip to a long-lasting marriage? But that's not what I'm saying. No, I'm saying

SPEAKER_01:

like... If you're not sorry, then like... But you really hurt somebody. Yeah. You're probably not going to end up being with them. But

SPEAKER_02:

you would be sorry that you hurt them. That's what I'm saying. Sometimes I feel like it is genuine to say, I'm sorry that I hurt you. I don't want to hurt you. I just don't agree with why it hurts your face.

SPEAKER_01:

I mean, this is the most Enneagram 8 that you've ever said.

SPEAKER_02:

Okay. Okay. Do you have any other tips? I have other tips. But yeah, I want to hear one from you. Long lasting marriage. I mean, I feel like it's kind of cliche. It's like the love language thing is it's real. I think knowing them, it's real because otherwise it's like you're giving love and you think that you're being so loving, but the other person is receiving it in this other way. Like everybody knows how it works. It's

SPEAKER_01:

true.

SPEAKER_02:

So it's like knowing that and prioritizing those things for both people I think is really important.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah,

SPEAKER_02:

I think so. I

SPEAKER_01:

don't know how to say this, but it's like– Be a best friend to your partner. And that means like really being present with them, really like showing up for them, listening, like being caring, you know, like being inquisitive, like wanting to know them, understand them and love them, like be a real best friend, you know? I feel

SPEAKER_02:

like that means you have to be a lesbian. Not everyone's a lesbian. Well... I

SPEAKER_01:

don't know like you should just be invested in that person and like genuinely want to know how they're feeling understand who they are I agree and like really walk alongside them through all the hard stuff like be a real best friend

SPEAKER_02:

okay but this also I say I feel like you have to be a lesbian because I don't know and maybe this is just because men aren't capable it's not even that maybe I'm just too gay do you know what I mean so maybe that's why I never had that with a man I'm like is that possible in straight relationships I don't know but maybe I was just too gay to feel that possibly it could be a possibility but that's just like kind of a whole separate a whole separate conversation is like i'm sure that straight couples can get there i just don't understand it i don't understand it i

SPEAKER_01:

don't know i don't know i've never i haven't dated a boy since i was like in high school or early college like freshman year so it's been over 20 years yeah i don't i don't know i can't contribute

SPEAKER_02:

but i feel like that is kind of the person Perfect lead-in to what we're really talking about today, which is the story of us. The story of us. Our love story. Our love story. Your favorite story to tell. Remember when we first started dating? How we used to literally... This is so gay. This is literally one of the gayest things I've ever admitted out loud. What is it? When we first started dating, we used to... to tell each other our love story to fall asleep at night. No, we didn't.

SPEAKER_01:

No, we didn't.

SPEAKER_02:

Yes, we did during COVID. No, we didn't. I think it was before we had a dog and we would just like lay in bed and just like tickle each other and be like, and then

SPEAKER_01:

what happens? What is wrong? That's so embarrassing. I can't believe you just said that out loud. I don't think that happened. You don't even remember? No. You don't

SPEAKER_02:

even

SPEAKER_01:

remember? I blocked out all the embarrassing things. You were the

SPEAKER_02:

one

SPEAKER_01:

that

SPEAKER_02:

always asked

SPEAKER_01:

for

SPEAKER_02:

it.

SPEAKER_01:

that makes sense honestly you're like

SPEAKER_02:

tell me again it was like a kid being tucked in at night or something

SPEAKER_01:

oh my god that's so embarrassing that sounds like me but that sounds like something i would do that tracks that definitely tracks

SPEAKER_02:

so so anyways are you ready to get tucked in with your sweet little don't put me to sleep don't put me to sleep i gotta talk to the people okay so i think our story actually starts before we met like actually physically met because we we were living these really weird parallel lives. Oh, yeah. Just as an example, I have to say this. I'm not going to say what their names are. So we were both dating people. You were dating a chick. I was dating a guy. And they have the exact same name with the exception of one letter. Just one

SPEAKER_01:

extra letter at the end of their name. It's

SPEAKER_02:

like the feminine and masculine version of the name, like an Alexandra and an Alexander. It was not those names, but like that. And we dated them for the exact same reason. period of time. I think we even broke up in the same, maybe not the same month, but like within a

SPEAKER_01:

month of each other. Yeah. So that was,

SPEAKER_02:

that's weird. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

That's

SPEAKER_02:

weird. So we both were going through, we had had a breakup at the beginning of 2019. I'm also deep in my Saturn return, which is like, I believe in that shit. If you don't, that's fine, but it's real. That's all I have to say. It's real. I experienced it. And as a kicker, I also had come up off of birth control at the end of 2018. So I was losing my mind because I had been on birth control for 15 years. So I'm just like in this existential, like, you know, a breakup, the birth control, Saturn return. It's like the perfect storm of like, what is the meaning of my life? Who am I? What do I believe in? So I'm like going down this intense. That's when I did my first ayahuasca retreats. I did a 10 day water fast. I'm like deep into psychedelics and meditation and just like all the most intense level of spiritual seeking i don't know what i was doing but it was it's a hardcore version it's a hardcore version

SPEAKER_01:

yeah

SPEAKER_02:

and so what were you doing what were you doing in 2019

SPEAKER_01:

i was having the same experience but i don't choose the most intense versions of things like you do like i don't need to do a three-week water fast that sounds horrible it wasn't three weeks it was 10 days that's way too long to not eat food it's not good that's not right

SPEAKER_02:

not good for you especially if you're

SPEAKER_01:

i would never do that I can't even do a one day juice cleanse

SPEAKER_02:

no

SPEAKER_01:

anyways

SPEAKER_02:

mine was very much like on a side note your hanger issues I wouldn't even want to be around you if you ever tried to do a juice cleanse you would be you

SPEAKER_01:

need food to survive anyways so I was in the same state of mind of like very much had this I don't know awakening moment where I just saw things in my life in a very specific way and realized that I was the problem in a lot of areas of my life and that I didn't want to be that anymore and so but my pursuit of like spiritual growth and personal development was very in internal focus and very inward focus and not like through these external like very intense situations and so for me it was like very much like through books and then like you know deep conversations with friends and you know travel and new some new experiences and those types of things but so it We were going through kind of a similar mentality of like wanting to grow at the same

SPEAKER_02:

time. Yeah. And, and then we also both started dating someone again. So we had our kind of like rebound person post our long, serious relationships. Didn't we date that next person around the same timeframe? I think mine was just after years, but yeah. So, but it was about like a four month, four or five month relationship, not anything like super serious. Okay. So we had that person. and after that we both were and by the way the girl who you date that girl had the same has not had has the same birthday as me yeah which is weird

SPEAKER_01:

it's really weird like what is that I'd never dated a Taurus before you well except for her and then it was just like must find the right person with the right birthday so

SPEAKER_02:

so

SPEAKER_01:

weird that's weird

SPEAKER_02:

but so we we both dated somebody again kind of briefly and everything and I had found my person via my woo-woo spiritual ways of writing down exactly what I wanted in a partner and blah, blah, blah. And then that person kind of like jumped off the page and I'm like, holy shit, this is real. I'm a witch. Like it just worked. And I didn't feel actually ready to date because I had just broken up with someone, but I also felt like I asked for this. I can't just then like be like, sorry, no, thank you. But then once I was dating them, I realized I missed some things on

SPEAKER_01:

the checklist. You missed some critical pieces when you wrote the things down on the checklist?

SPEAKER_02:

You know when you break up with someone and so you kind of want the exact opposite of what you had before? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

But then

SPEAKER_02:

you get the opposite and you're like, wait, but that's also not it. That's just filling the holes that I thought I had. You know what I mean? Not hitting the spot. So it's like I need to refine the list, you know? So then I did that. I refined it and I knew I could feel you coming from literally on the other side of the world. I'm in Australia, Bali, like that whole side of the world. You're in the States and I could feel you coming. It was so real. It was such a weird feeling. So I was like, I was so scared to do my whole writing practice, witchy practice again, because I knew as soon as I did, it was going to happen. And even though that's what I wanted, I was also so scared because I'm like, but then it's going to be real. Not just me talking about it anymore. It's going to be real.

SPEAKER_01:

That is scary.

SPEAKER_02:

It's like your whole life

SPEAKER_01:

is about to change.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. And three days after I wrote it, I met you.

SPEAKER_01:

That's crazy.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. You just weaseled your way in. I

SPEAKER_01:

think you might have called me. No. is the way I would prefer to sit.

SPEAKER_02:

And luckily for me, you weren't dating the girl anymore because what happened?

SPEAKER_01:

So I had been dating this girl you're referring to. We dated briefly, I don't know, one or two months, something like that, not super long. And we, during the time we were still dating, we decided to plan a trip together as one does, as lesbians do, and when they've only known each other for a month. And so it was for over like Christmas, New Year's time. And she She was like, oh, have you been to Nicaragua? I've always wanted to go. I'm like, no. And I just learned to surf that year. So I was like wanting to go to a place where I could kind of continue learning surfing in warm water. And so I booked us a place in Nicaragua. Turns out like maybe a month before the trip, we break up, but I had already paid for this trip. So I'm like, oh, I paid for it. I'm going to go. I'm just going to go do this by myself. And so I show up in Nicaragua and basically you... I'm hanging out at the bar drinking water and this girl with yellow sweatpants on that's weird yellow sweatpants walks in and like basically comes and fills up her water bottle right next to me and I'm like hey I like

SPEAKER_02:

your yellow pants what a line

SPEAKER_01:

I don't know you

SPEAKER_02:

didn't say yellow pants you just said I like your pants and I was like what are you talking about the they were I only owned actually one pair of sweatpants and so they were disgusting literally holes I wear my clothes so hard raggedy and they were my plane clothes I just got off the plane and it looked really cute a 50 hour trip from Perth or no I was in Melbourne Australia to Nicaragua was so long I was so out of it and you're just like oh I like your pants I'm like what like what are you talking I was so cranky and just not I didn't notice I was I was mostly just pissed because I didn't want to be staying in a dorm room oh me neither and when I arrived the guy's like okay I I was hoping he was going to be like, oh, no one's in the dorm, you know? And it was just the only room that was available. And so he's like, oh, he pointed over at you. And he's like, oh, that girl or like that. I don't remember exactly what he said, but like, oh, she's one of your roommates. And I was like, fuck that girl. That's what I was thinking. That's what you were thinking when you saw me? It had nothing to do with you. It was probably just the back of you. I was just like, oh, look at this cute girl with her cute pants. Because I was just like, oh, like you're in my room. I don't want to be in this room. I'm 31. Why am I in a dorm

SPEAKER_01:

room? I understand. I didn't want to be in a room with you either. Yeah. See? See? But, you know. Now you can't get rid of me. Because I had been there the week before and I had to move hotels because I extended my trip and I had this like amazing, like really cool suite for the first week. And then I had to move because everything was booked. It was New Year's, but I wanted to stay longer because I was having so much fun. I had made all these friends. So I moved hotels and the only thing available was a dorm room. And I was really bummed about it. I'm like 32 years old and I'm

SPEAKER_02:

like. You were flirting with the Let's be real. That's what you were– and not me. I'm not talking about me. I'm talking about the yoga teacher. Don't even talk about her.

SPEAKER_01:

Honey. But anyway, so I ended up in a dorm. I didn't want to be there. I didn't want to be at that hotel. My friends were like, just go for one night. If you don't like it, come and like sleep on the couch in the hotel. Like no big deal. I'm like, cool. I'll probably end up there tomorrow night.

SPEAKER_02:

But then you met me and I changed everything. No, once we started talking, I was like, oh, you're nice and whatever. Like you're super sweet and it's annoying. because I can't be mad at you. Like, you're just so nice and likable. And so we just kind of started chatting. I was mostly just delirious. But I think I went to sleep pretty early that night. Yeah. And the next day was New Year's Eve.

SPEAKER_03:

Yes.

SPEAKER_02:

So I didn't want to go out. I

SPEAKER_01:

wanted to go. I wanted to party. I wanted to go have fun. And I was like, we're going out. You came there with a friend as well. You were there with a friend. And we quickly made friends with another girl who was there. We kind of all hit it out hit it off and we had this little kind of girl group and the three of us were down to go out you were not down to go out you were also like still kind of like weirdly grieving the ex-boyfriend situation and like confiding in me about it like sitting on my bed talking to me about this guy and I was like this guy sucks like what are you doing but I was there for you but I was like we need to go out this is gonna be fun

SPEAKER_02:

and to be fair I was grieving him because he had it was like a shit that when it flushed he just like came back up again you know yeah and so there we had a little resurgence moment and that's why it's not I wasn't still grieving it a year later that I was just like oh it's really over and it's like a new year and I'm like so deep in my spiritual era that I just wanted to I wanted to stay home and journal on uh new year's eve and you guys were like just come out I also I had stopped drinking exactly a year before so I was kind of like I don't know I don't know if I'm feeling it and you're like just come out for a little But if it sucks, we'll come back. It's fine.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

And so I did. And it was so much fun. We had the best night ever. We had the best night ever. Well,

SPEAKER_01:

it was kind of weird because basically I don't even know you. Like I met you like 24 hours prior, but we really haven't spent any time together because you were in like the beginner surf lessons and I was in the

SPEAKER_02:

other

SPEAKER_01:

group.

UNKNOWN:

I was in the beginner one or whatever.

SPEAKER_01:

And so we didn't even get to spend that day together. So I barely knew you. Yeah. We go out and we end up at this like really weird bar. Like think like a Cancun spring break situation like really weird i think we

SPEAKER_02:

saw a girl getting fucked on the base

SPEAKER_01:

that was our friend and she that wasn't what was happening it was that was our friend but she was just making out i thought that she was like honey no okay stop anyways hopefully she doesn't listen to this that's so embarrassing but so anyways we go out and we're in this like really weird bar and everybody is like 21 year old wasted

SPEAKER_00:

yeah

SPEAKER_01:

you don't you weren't drinking i was i'd You had a beer. I had a beer.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

And so you and I are kind of like gravitating towards each other. But you and I are having the best time, but everyone else is like way too wasted.

SPEAKER_02:

And that was when the whole countdown for New Year's was happening. I was thinking, I wouldn't care if she kissed me. Like, that'd be fine. That's what you were thinking? Because everyone else was– our friend, like I said, was on the base. The other one was making out with like a teenager and– I mean, legal teenager, but it was so weird. But it was just– people were all– Why didn't you just kiss me if you wanted to kiss? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I'm not really the aggressor. You should know this. But anyways. And yeah, why didn't you? Because you were trying to flirt with a fucking yoga teacher. I don't know. I wasn't really thinking about it. I would have kissed you. That would have been fun. I know you would have kissed me. But well, you basically thought I was straight. So that happened. We spent five days together in total in this whole situation in Nicaragua. This was in southern Nicaragua. And after New Year's, then we were just like glued together. We were super close. We were super bonded for no reason. Like nothing happened. We were just wanted to tell each other everything and be around each other. We were just best friends. We were just

SPEAKER_01:

instantly best friends. And we had some like weird things where it was like I was about to quit my job and go traveling through Bali and Chargao. And I was like, oh, yeah, I'm like quitting my job. I'm going here. Have you like heard of these places? And you're like, yeah, I live there. I live in Chargao. I'm like, what? So anyways, and it was weird because our dates lined up so perfectly where I was flying into the Bali. into Bali the same day that you were and then like flying to the Philippines the same time you were. Yeah. And so we basically were going to be together.

SPEAKER_02:

Wasn't one of them the actual same flight? The same, like the same date. It was just the same date. It was

SPEAKER_01:

really bizarre. Same date and it was just became this thing where it was like, oh, we're going to spend like six weeks together soon. Yeah. And you were just like, come hang out with me. Like I'll just be with you for six weeks essentially. Which, which also by the way, and so. So we had something to look

SPEAKER_02:

forward to. We had something to look forward to. They knew what they were talking about. Yeah. But it also just to kind of like give a little background I was I was living out of a backpack at the time so my home base was in in Siargao in the Philippines but otherwise I was living out of a backpack so I was super nomadic and I was you know so so it was normal for me to meet people who would be like oh I'm gonna be here I don't know it's just kind of the culture of travelers you know it's like oh you're gonna be here cool let's meet up you kind of just become close super fast and I'm like oh you've never been to these places this is gonna be so fun I'm gonna show you everything I'm gonna introduce you to all my friends like this is gonna be the best you're gonna have the best time yeah and so then you left you left Nicaragua yeah

SPEAKER_01:

we had like five days we became best best friends essentially and

SPEAKER_02:

we're like cool see you in March

SPEAKER_01:

yeah see you in March you were gonna come through San Francisco where I lived in February because you had to like stop through for a few days around Valentine's Day weekend

SPEAKER_00:

that was yeah

SPEAKER_01:

and so And you were like, can I stay with you? And I was like, I mean, yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

I just had some time off. And we were texting in the group chat. And then you texted me outside of the group chat. Didn't you? And I was like, oh, my God. You know that feeling you get when someone texts you? Were you nervous? I was so– I felt– yeah, just that– it's like the crush feeling where you're like, oh, my God. This person is texting me. You know? Oh, shit. And then I was like, why am I– it's Alex. And you were literally texting me about the yoga teacher. Okay? So it wasn't– It wasn't anything, you know, spicy or anything. Yeah. But you're just like, oh, look at what she sent me or whatever. I don't remember. Yeah. And but that was my first indication. I was like, I think I kind of have a crush, but it was just like a fun. It didn't almost matter. I don't you know what I mean? It was just like, oh, it's just fun and cute. And it's a

SPEAKER_01:

crush. Also, like it never really crossed my mind because in my mind, you're straight. Me too. Like in my mind, I was. there was no like indication from you that I could have crushes on

SPEAKER_02:

girls correct but in my mind straight people can also have crushes on the same sex

SPEAKER_01:

you just feel like everyone's a little gay like it's just normal

SPEAKER_02:

yes correct

SPEAKER_01:

but your friends wouldn't agree with

SPEAKER_02:

that but they're wrong okay and we've gone over this that I'm always right they just I think everybody has the ability to open themselves up to anyone but most people don't let themselves yeah that's my theory

SPEAKER_01:

okay but that well on my end it was like we had like there was an energy between us it was very clear we were like magnets and there was like a flirtatious energy there but in my mind there was no there was a barrier there because you were straight

SPEAKER_02:

yeah yeah and for me I was just like oh my barrier was like okay again there's you can have crushes but that's very different so at this point what had also changed for me is I was really dating to marry I had never done that before I was I was before always had been like it's just for right now I'm just having fun I didn't care as much about the future even if I talked about you know I had serious relationships and we talked about the future but it I I never felt that and after that breakup that I had I was like I actually I feel ready like I finally felt ready to like date to marry and find my person so it's like I had a crush on you but I was like I'm not gonna marry a girl so it just I didn't entertain it as anything deeper because it was like well like that's never gonna happen you know like that just seemed also that barrier was there for me where it was like that's it's just not even a quite it that had literally never crossed my mind

SPEAKER_01:

yeah

SPEAKER_02:

so

SPEAKER_01:

so what happened I live for San Francisco and then you text me

SPEAKER_02:

inside the group chat we started texting and then I really didn't like it where we were down south so I went up north literally found a place that was as far as possible looked on the map and was like this is as far as I can go while staying in the country. And there's still a surf camp here. So great. Cause I don't have a board. Like I don't have anything. So I still, and I still wanted to really like learn how to surf. So I go to this place. And as soon as I started getting further up North, but especially once I turned down the dirt road, I was like, Oh, this is, this is what I imagined Nicaragua to be like, not that party kind of touristy touristy vibe that was, we were sort of in down South. It was just nothing. not for me and as soon as we got up there it was just like peace quiet cows waves just nothing you know nothing and so much warmer and just so relaxed and I just immediately felt this exhale you know I was like oh my god this is perfect and also by the way as soon as I went up there is exactly when surfing clicked for me it was like I had been doing it for two weeks down south and it wasn't really fun for me down south you know when you're in that beginning phases surfing and it's it's not fun at all you're just being tortured and pummeled and like pretending like it's fun and it's not and then when it clicks all of a sudden you're like oh I get it now it is fun and I had that as soon as we went up there even though that whole wave is a weird tricky wave but it just I think it was it was like a nervous system thing or something I was just relaxed and I could like be in it and so I saw this sign it said call land for sale on the walk to surf every day. And I was in a habit of doing this. Like I said, I was living all over and I'm like, I would call all the time, just curious. I'm a very curious person. I'm like, what's land going for around here? Like what are the laws? What are the rules? Whatever. So I called, looked at the land. It ruined me because it was perfect. It was literally perfect. It was just this like full body knowing of, holy shit, this is the thing I've been looking for. Yeah. But the problem was that it was more expensive than I was planning. And it was also twice as big as I was planning. It was two acres. And so I'm thinking back to this girl that I met a few weeks ago who, when we're having all these talks on the bed and you're like, yeah, I also want to buy land one day and like start a B&B somewhere abroad and just retire corporate and just live this different life. And I'm like, cool. Again, that's not weird. I meet people all the time that want to do that in the way I was living. So I'm like, yeah, cool. Me too. That's what I want to do. And so I'm thinking, I'm like, should I ask her? Should I ask her if she wants to buy this land with me? And I don't know if you want to tell from your perspective when I did ask you.

SPEAKER_01:

Well, yeah, I get a text because I was planning to try to find land that year. And I was thinking it would be more in Guatemala because my best friend is from Guatemala and like has a place on the beach there. And so she and I were going to go and check out a couple spots and like see if that made sense. Because I always thought like, oh, I'm going to like prioritize my life around this person, like one of my good friends. And so when you texted me about you, basically, I got a text from you saying like, hey, look, you got to come up here. It's amazing. Like, do you want to buy land with me? I was like, that's crazy. Like, no, I don't want to do

SPEAKER_02:

that.

SPEAKER_01:

No, that's awesome for you, though.

SPEAKER_02:

But what did you think? Do you remember what you thought when I asked you that?

SPEAKER_01:

I thought that was crazy. I was just like, no, we're not doing that. Who is this girl? And I was just like, I want to do something on my own, essentially, I think is what I said. But that's awesome for you. And I'm going to Guatemala over MLK weekend. It was like two weeks after I saw you, I was going down to Guatemala. And that's what I was supposed to be doing. And you were like, well, come visit me. You have to come see this land anyways. And so I was like, okay, I can make that work. Like I could travel down there and then also go to Guatemala and then my friend last minute canceled on me and so now I'm not going to Guatemala so I was like I really want to go with her because it will be a different experience and so I'm like okay I guess I'm going to Nica for 10 days again and so I like pretty much two weeks later I was back in Nica for 10 days

SPEAKER_02:

and on my side of things I before I sent the text I was thinking okay if we buy this land together we're We're both going to build houses, maybe businesses, like we're going to have families to get. So I'm like going through my whole life, you know, and I'm thinking.

SPEAKER_01:

Like it's a commitment.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. If we both build next to each other. I'm extremely impulsive. And so I try to recognize that when I'm about to do something impulsive and think like, is this a good idea? So I was doing that. I was thinking, is this a good idea to ask this person? And I'm thinking of my imaginary husband. And I'm like, what if he thinks it's weird that I like have to live next to Alex and want to be with her all the time and I was like I'm gonna divorce him like fuck that guy I already divorced my imaginary husband for you and I was like yeah I'm gonna ask her like that was that was my thought process still didn't click that like maybe you're in love with this person so I was just like I'm gonna ask her and when you said no I'm like perfect I actually love when people say no to me because then that gives me a project to get my way and so I convinced you to come back yeah and before you came back was also the first time I said the words out loud to one of my friends of like oh I kind of have this crush on someone and also by the way like it's a girl and my friend was just like cool what's her name like what does she do you know did not care at all and it was this thing of like once it came out of me yeah like it coming out of me it just took the power and all of the kind of like because I was feeling all this stuff I'm like what does this mean but I was like oh it actually doesn't matter and I was like no but I nothing can happen because we don't want to cross any lines and you know we've I really valued our friendship already

SPEAKER_01:

yeah

SPEAKER_02:

and so you came I

SPEAKER_01:

was super excited to come back because it was like super excited to see you and also super excited to like surf and whatnot but I just remember like going on a hike with a friend and like telling them all about you and just being like this is like truly I think the best person I've ever met in my entire life like and just was going on and on about you and I think she was just kind of like help somebody somebody one day speaks about me the way that you are speaking about this person she i think she was trying to like nudge to me gently like you might have feelings for this person and by the way we'd only spent five days together

SPEAKER_02:

in person i held you in very high regard so i know that we kind of have to speed it up but so we you came back essentially you were staying in a bunk bed the upper bunk you were staying on the lower bunk the upper bunk had a shitload of spiders all over it yeah so So you could no longer sleep in that bed.

SPEAKER_01:

I was paranoid. I was scared to death. I started screaming. Kayla's in the shower. I'm like, there's so many spiders in my bed. Like, I don't know what to do. I can't sleep here. And so I'm like, my first logical step is, well, there's a hammock outside in like the central area. It's like all outdoor. I'm going to go sleep in the hammock.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. And I was like, don't be weird. Just stay in my bed. I had a queen bed in the same room. We were sharing a room. I'm like, stay in my bed. Don't be weird. Okay. Absolutely not. And you're like, you know, and I'm like, come on, just don't be weird about it. And so you put on all long

SPEAKER_01:

sleeves. I didn't want to be a lesbian predator, like getting in bed with this straight girl. And then like the next day, like her being like, why did you do something weird or something? I was like so paranoid. Terrified. Of being a lesbian predator. Terrified. So I put on long sleeve shirt and long sleeve

SPEAKER_02:

pants. It's 90 degrees. We have no AC. We're in Nicaragua. You're wearing all long sleeves. from head to toe and I'm like are you gonna sleep like that and you're like yeah and I was like okay well I hope you don't care that this is how I sleep and I took my pants off and I was just wearing like a tiny crop top and a thong and I'm like this is okay right and I just so

SPEAKER_01:

so mean

SPEAKER_02:

I knew I was torturing you and I loved it and so

SPEAKER_01:

we slept that night you barely I slept at the very edge of the bed as far as you could possibly be like literally like a and was so scared that you were going to touch me in the middle of the night. Which I did. Which you did. You full on koala bared me all night. I didn't sleep. I was just like, what is happening? It was

SPEAKER_02:

such a weird feeling because I was like, I just want to be held by this person. And you

SPEAKER_01:

are not a touchy person. You don't want to be held.

SPEAKER_02:

But you didn't know that. So I was just fully taking advantage of the fact that you didn't really know me yet. And you could just think, oh, I'm just a straight girl that is affectionate. Like that happens. Yeah. iPhone screen you're like I'm watching the L word and I was like I love that show which already you're like why the fuck does a straight girl know everything about the L word and I'm like

SPEAKER_01:

that was

SPEAKER_02:

suspect it's a good show what are you talking about so I was like which episode are you on I'd like snuggle up next to you because it's a tiny screen and that became our nightly ritual is watching L word and now I'm basically holding you while I'm holding this tiny phone screen your arms over the back of me I'm on your chest I would fall asleep on your chest every night to L word They're

SPEAKER_01:

like a week straight.

SPEAKER_02:

Gayest thing you've ever heard other than us telling each other our love story.

SPEAKER_01:

And I thought we were just friends.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. And we're like, no, no, this is totally

SPEAKER_01:

normal. Because you're straight to me. You have not indicated, except for all the cuddling, that you're not straight. Except for

SPEAKER_02:

all the naked cuddles that I was into it. And so I knew that. I knew that I was doing that. And I was just like, I don't want her to know that I've had any experiences or like I've liked girls because then you're going to know I'm flirting with you. with you and then it's going to ruin everything you know so on the very last night I finally tell you in the way that I tell people big information which is completely gaslighting them and being like what do you mean I already told you that and so we're talking and I was like yeah I dated a girl that looked like Shane once and you were like what and I was like I didn't tell you that before and

SPEAKER_01:

you're like no you never told me

SPEAKER_02:

that ever and I was like I'm pretty sure I did yeah well anyways you know and I just Yes, immediately.

SPEAKER_01:

And like two weeks ago, why haven't you told me this? That's so mean.

SPEAKER_02:

So I did. I told you everything. And

SPEAKER_01:

it

SPEAKER_02:

changed everything. And it changed everything. So on our last night, it was like we had this. The only way we can describe it is our souls got married.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

In this weird spiritual experience. I don't know how to say it.

SPEAKER_01:

experience I've ever had in my life and we we were not physically intimate beyond just like holding hands and like cuddling yeah and we didn't kiss

SPEAKER_00:

or anything kiss and whose fault was that

SPEAKER_01:

I'm okay with how it went because I think it like really built this like level of intimacy yeah like for us before like diving into the physicality of things which can like really mess with the mind sometimes

SPEAKER_02:

yeah and and I was waiting for you to kiss me because you had talked this big game when we were down south but like I always kiss the girl first you were saying

SPEAKER_01:

it created tension and it all worked out how it was supposed to so I

SPEAKER_02:

was like maybe I'm misreading the signals and she's not into it because she hasn't kissed me so the next morning we signed the papers on the land by the way convinced you to buy the land

SPEAKER_03:

yeah

SPEAKER_02:

which is titled down the middle your half and my half still to this day which is laughable because our house runs through the line and um I was waiting for you to kiss me we're literally laying there nose to nose And I'm like, it's going to happen. It's going to happen. And then they walked in there like, Alex, your taxi's here because you were leaving the country again. Yeah, I had to go. And it was like the spell broke and you just, you wouldn't look

SPEAKER_01:

at me again. I had to go. I don't know how else to say this, but I had to go. I couldn't look at you. I just needed to get out of the country because all at once in a moment it hit me that there was a lot on the line and that there was a lot at stake and that could be lost. Number one, which is that like I now have this like person who I can't imagine not having in my life anymore who in my world I'm like you're still just a friend even though we had this whole crazy experience we still didn't acknowledge that we had feelings for one another and now we just bought land together so we're going to be in each other's lives forever I'm like we can't mess this up like it just became like a very high stakes situation

SPEAKER_02:

yeah but I was just like

SPEAKER_01:

so I was like I gotta go get me

SPEAKER_02:

out of here and you left the country and

SPEAKER_01:

I left Without

SPEAKER_02:

making eye contact.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

But then in true lesbian fashion texted me as soon as you're pulling out the driveway. I miss you already. I miss you so much. and I was like I knew it and then the next few days we're just talking about how much we miss each other and you know all

SPEAKER_01:

we spent every waking moment texting each other was disgusting full-on I literally hate that we did that adolescence

SPEAKER_02:

you hate you are such a liar

SPEAKER_01:

no we I loved it but it's just like it was so pathetic you just got a new phone it was so pathetic you

SPEAKER_02:

said oh my god our whole text history is deleted now because my phone wasn't blacked up

SPEAKER_01:

so don't act like you hate it no no I love that we did that but I also am I'm like, we're so pathetic. But

SPEAKER_02:

we were talking without talking. Which you hate. We still didn't acknowledge. You hate it. I hate it. And so finally I just came out and said it. I was like, I like you, you idiot.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. And then I didn't respond. And then you

SPEAKER_02:

didn't respond after we were texting every five seconds until our thumbs

SPEAKER_01:

fell off. I know. I know. I was in a one-on-one at work. No. But we were talking about you. Yeah. This wasn't a real professional one-on-one. This was like my best friend at work. And we were in a one-on-one. He did report to me. So we had a one-on-one. And I was talking about you and trying to figure out like, is this real? Like, I don't know what's happening. I'm in love with this person. I don't know what's going to happen. And then I was like, oh my God, she texted me that she likes me. And he's like, Kat. And so then we just like started talking about it. I never wrote you back. An

SPEAKER_02:

hour later.

SPEAKER_01:

Like for like an hour. And I, that was honestly kind of mean, which in retrospect, I realized that at the time I was just like, I got to finish my one-on-one with this guy. And

SPEAKER_02:

then meanwhile, I'm thinking I just ruined all the stakes you're talking about. So I call my friend crying. I'm like, I messed everything up. Oh my God. I'm be so weird now now we own land together oh my god and then you text me back and you're like I wanted to kiss you so bad that night and

SPEAKER_01:

then I was like and then everything changed we're getting married it's fine we're getting married

SPEAKER_02:

everything is okay and so I moved my flight up to San Francisco

SPEAKER_01:

several times

SPEAKER_02:

several times

SPEAKER_01:

there just became a moment where we realized like where I realized like you just need to be here now in San Francisco and we need to figure out what this is because it is what we think it is like we need to know that now and then let's like start our lives together essentially so I convinced you to move your flight up and so you came to San Francisco Valentine's weekend of 2020 so how romantic

SPEAKER_02:

and then we had our first kiss at the airport which was my worst fear because I was like I don't want our first kiss to be a SFO

SPEAKER_01:

but I was like we can't like not kiss

SPEAKER_02:

I know but then it'd be weird and

SPEAKER_01:

you also had told your friend before you came like I think I'm gonna marry this person she's like what that you haven't even kissed

SPEAKER_02:

no I was like this is really weird but like I know I'm gonna marry this person she's like what are you talking about like that you sound crazy I'm like I know I don't know why I'm saying this it's just the truth and then

SPEAKER_01:

you were all nervous there would be like no chemistry but I'm like you can't yell so intensely for somebody like be that in love with somebody and then there be no chemistry like that just isn't how it works

SPEAKER_02:

yeah I was I was so scared I was just scared of everything like what does this mean for me and my identity and my life and because I knew. Like I said, if I'm choosing this person, like this is my person. And so that's everything, you know? And I was terrified. And so our first kiss wasn't good. And I'll take the blame. It was not good. It was at SFO. I'll take the blame for that. It was not good. Cause I was just so awkward. You were so awkward. I'm just like, you

SPEAKER_01:

looked, you were

SPEAKER_02:

terrified.

SPEAKER_01:

You've never seen me scared. Ever. Ever. As soon as we got back to my apartment, you like softened and then it was fine but you were so nervous I was so nervous and then I mean the rest is really history yeah I mean essentially like we knew right away as soon as you were there like this is it and we are gonna get married and have a whole life together

SPEAKER_02:

and we everybody thought we were crazy because we moved in we got a dog we got married we started a business built on the land all within a year okay

SPEAKER_01:

yeah

SPEAKER_02:

it's a lot and that's called and

SPEAKER_01:

I was just like hey look we just need like five years and then we'll have credibility. And here we are. We're at over five and a half years. We have credibility now. We're not crazy. We've been

SPEAKER_02:

waiting five years to start this podcast. Just so we had credibility. Exactly. Imagine if we're reading these tips about long-lasting marriage. People would be like, I'm not going to take anything from you. I don't even know what you're talking about. We know stuff now.

SPEAKER_01:

We know stuff. And the most frustrating part of all of it was that every cliche was so true, which is so frustrating. But it's like, really, when you know, you know. Now you know. Blah, blah, blah. It's all true. It's all true. So that's our love story. And yeah, here we are. Here we are. The A.S.

SPEAKER_02:

So how we end every podcast is a fun little segment called Who's the Problem? Where we look at it could be each other. It could be the world at large, someone else. And you guys get to decide who the problem is by voting on our stories. We really want to hear from you. I love it. Who's the problem? for you this week?

SPEAKER_01:

Okay. So we, like the rest of queer America, watch the Queer Ultimatum in July.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Right. And which is an amazing show.

SPEAKER_00:

Yes.

SPEAKER_01:

And I'll give a little backstory for those who didn't watch. But if you watched it, you know where this is going to go. Okay. So there's this couple on it, Dana and Megan. And Dana issued Megan an ultimatum They'd been together for like, I don't know, two or three years. She's ready to get married. Megan's like from this conservative Lebanese family and her family's like not really comfortable yet. So that's like holding her back. So that's like why they're on the show. Right. And the whole premise of the show is that like you go on, you break up, you start dating the other cast members, and then you get into a trial marriage for three weeks with another cast member. And then you go three weeks with your original partner, have a trial marriage. And then at the end, you decide like who you're going to marry, essentially. Wild. Wild concept. Okay. So anyways, Dana and Megan, they break up and they start dating other people. And almost immediately, Dana's like in love with another girl. Like almost immediately. But

SPEAKER_02:

again, lesbianism.

SPEAKER_01:

And Megan's like having panic attacks, essentially. It was really sad. She's such an earnest and genuine person from what it seemed like.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

And so she's like pulling her partner aside and being like, I don't know if I can do this. Like, I want to leave the show. Like, let's not do this. This is going to end super bad. And Dana's like, no, like you're here. Like we made this commitment. We're doing it. And Megan's like panicking. I felt so bad for her. So anyways, she decides she's going to stick it out and they go through it. And but like. There's a few things that start to happen, right? Dana has a sex Spotify playlist that somehow shows up on Megan's TV. So Megan's like, okay, what the heck? You're already having sex with your new trial wife. Like what? And then like she does some other weird things. Like she's with her, Dana's with her like new trial wife and sees Megan and doesn't acknowledge her. And they're like hanging out flirting in the pool, which is like kind of weird. You wouldn't even say hello to the person you've dated for like two or three years. The most queer cliche thing ever, Dana and Megan agreed that they were going to get matching tattoos after the experience was over. What do you think Dana does? She goes and gets the matching tattoo with her trial life partner, not the girlfriend that she came on the show with.

SPEAKER_02:

That was diabolical, honestly. That was like,

SPEAKER_01:

what? What? Okay. Now, on the flip side, though, Megan… Falls in love. Gets in this trial marriage and immediately falls in love with the other girl. Like, instantaneously. Like… To the point where she's like, I need to leave this experience. And then two days in, she's like in love with and having sex with her trial marriage partner. So I'm like, who's the problem in this situation? Is it Dana for like having no boundaries and like doing really shady stuff? Or is it Megan for like... Going on a show and then like– but not being open but then instantly falling in love with somebody else. Like who's the problem here? Who do you think the problem is?

SPEAKER_02:

What's your take?

SPEAKER_01:

Personally, I think Dana is the problem.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Because I feel like the fact that she doesn't have boundaries is what is making her partner open to begin with.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Because she knows that about her partner and so she's like if she's going to be boundaryless, like I'm going to allow myself to be open.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. Yeah. I agree. I agree. I mean, I think the real problem in all of this is reality TV, but without it, then what would we do?

SPEAKER_01:

What would we do? Psychoanalyzing these people is the best thing ever. It's the best.

SPEAKER_02:

It's truly the best.

SPEAKER_01:

So you think Dana's the problem? Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. She stresses me out. Yeah. She would stress me out to watch the whole situation. And Megan, I don't know if it was just because she felt more likable, so I'm like, it's fine if she's doing problematic stuff, but I agree dana

SPEAKER_03:

yeah

SPEAKER_02:

so for me who's the problem remember how i said it could be about other people it could be about us oh god is it me i'm always the problem okay at least this is like on camera

SPEAKER_01:

i feel like i foreshadowed this earlier when i was talking about like my previous breakup and i realized like i was the problem in so many ways

SPEAKER_02:

oh i thought you're gonna say by always apologizing first that foreshadowing oh this isn't something you really need to apologize for but it is something I did put on my Instagram story already that got a very large response and so I thought let's let's ask the pod audience okay plane clothes like airplane clothes plane clothes yeah clothes that you wear on a plane yeah acceptable off of the plane to wear anywhere other than the plane immediately after a flight

SPEAKER_01:

yes that's the wrong answer I'm never gonna wash my jeans ever so So whether they go on a plane, whether they go anywhere. Wearing

SPEAKER_02:

jeans on a plane is a second problem. That's a whole other problem. What are you talking about? What do you mean?

SPEAKER_01:

What else am I going to wear on a plane besides jeans? Okay. I'm not down with the whole athleisure wear on planes. I think that's bizarre. That's my hot take.

SPEAKER_02:

Okay. Okay. Well, we're not even talking about jeans on the plane. What happened was we had a pretty short flight. It was three hours coming back from Minnesota. It's not international or anything. Exactly. I'm not even dirty. After a plane, I need to shower. No. I need to shower. I need everything to be clean. And I need those clothes to be in the hamper. They're not to be anywhere other than the hamper. And they certainly are not supposed to be on my body. And my body is not supposed to be sitting on the bed. You were sitting on the bed in your plane clothes.

SPEAKER_01:

I don't really understand what the problem is.

SPEAKER_02:

So who's the problem? You are the problem, obviously. Who's a problem are you a plain clothes wearer or a plain clothes denier

SPEAKER_01:

I don't know I think we leave it up to the pod to decide because like clearly we have very different opinions on this I think you're being neurotic

SPEAKER_02:

oh I am that's fine I'm just I'm curious let me live you I did I didn't kick you off the bed I just publicly shamed me on your Instagram well I mean it's fine so you guys can get to decide we'll see it in our stories we'll Put polls up. You can always vote on who the problem is. And I know that probably I don't know how long it's going to take into this podcast that some listener is going to make like hashtag free Alex shirts. It's going to happen. It

SPEAKER_01:

probably

SPEAKER_02:

will. It's going to happen. It probably will. I know it's going to happen. It's fine.

SPEAKER_01:

But guys, I'm happy. Don't worry. I promise.

SPEAKER_02:

We love you. Thank you for listening to our first app and we'll see you next week. Thanks, guys.

UNKNOWN:

you